By Lu Yao, China

When I was a child, I often heard my father say, “Your second uncle is not filial and doesn’t support your grandfather. It was your mother and I who supported your grandfather. The purpose of raising children is for them to take care of you in old age. In the future, you have to take care of us and see us through to the end of our lives!” When I grew up, I took care of my parents until they died, and hoped that my daughter would be able to take care of me in my old age. Once my daughter learned to speak, I asked her, “Who will you spend your money on when you grow up?” My daughter said, “When I grow up, I will earn loads and loads of money to spend on Mommy and Daddy.” I said happily, “My dear daughter, your mother has not raised you in vain!” I taught my daughter to study hard, and to be filial to me when she earned money in the future. My daughter is very smart. She can learn anything quickly and always ranked among the top students in her exams. I was very happy and thought to myself, “My daughter is so smart, and she will definitely have a bright future. Even if I have no money, I have to support her education, so that she will find a good job. Then she will have no problem in caring for us in our old age.”

In April 2003, I was arrested for believing in God and preaching the gospel and was detained for 25 days. In order to avoid being arrested by the police again, I left home in November to do my duties in another place. I was very conflicted at the time, “My daughter will take the college entrance examination in six months. Will my leaving affect my daughter’s studies and future prospects? If it affects her future, will she end up hating me? Will she disown me as her mother? I only have one daughter, and if she no longer wants me as her mother, who will I rely on when I’m old? But if I don’t leave, and I am arrested again, my daughter will definitely be implicated and her future will be utterly ruined. I will also be sentenced, and then I won’t be able to do my duties.” After much thought, I still decided to leave home. Because the police kept looking for me, I didn’t dare go home.

My blood pressure had increased as I got older, and my energy and physical strength had also started to decline. My eyesight became blurry, and I developed tinnitus and hearing loss. My heart also started pounding whenever I did physical work, so I had to lie down and rest for a while. I thought to myself, “Am I getting old now? Who will take care of me in my old age?” At this time, I missed my daughter very much. I still expected to rely on her in my old age! In 2021, I went back to my older sister’s home to preach the gospel and learned that my daughter was working away from home, and was very filial to her aunts. I thought that she would definitely be nice to me in that case, and I really looked forward to seeing my daughter someday. At the end of August the following year, I was preaching the gospel away from home when my sister wrote to say that my daughter had come back for a few days. I rushed back to my sister’s house overnight, but my daughter didn’t want to see me. I felt awful, but I could understand my daughter’s feelings. I hadn’t taken care of her for seventeen years, so it was normal for her to be angry. I was so happy to see my daughter that I wanted to hug her, but she sat far away from me, and disappointment chilled my heart. After a while, I said to her, “I’ve been worrying about you all these years. I was afraid that the police would arrest me and you would be implicated, so I didn’t dare go home. You have suffered all these years.” She said bitterly, “I didn’t suffer. I’m an adult now. I’m not suffering!” After saying this, she turned her head and left after staying for less than half an hour. I was utterly disappointed, “I worked so hard to raise you and took so much care of you. After you went to school, in order to help you learn a skill and have a good future, I spent the last three thousand yuan our family had to buy you an electric piano. I shed my heart’s blood for you, but now you’ve disowned me? I really raised you in vain!” Then I thought, “My household registration has been canceled by the Chinese Communist government, my husband has divorced me, and my daughter has disowned me. I’m sixty years old now, and my health is getting worse every year. What should I do when I get old? Who will take care of me if I am sick? Who will take care of me in my old age and see me off?” At night, I lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to sleep. When I thought about how my daughter didn’t even call me “Mom,” I realized there was no hope of relying on her to take care of me in my old age. I felt so miserable it was like my heart was being crushed. I was in a terrible daze during those days and didn’t have the mind to do my duty. I just went through the motions when I was preaching the gospel.

In February 2023, I heard that Sister Sun Jing had fallen ill, but her husband had looked after her very carefully and attentively. I thought to myself, “If my sister is sick, her husband will take care of her. My blood pressure is high—what should I do if I get sick? My daughter has disowned me, and if I end up being unable to move, it would be embarrassing for my church sisters to look after me. I can’t be a burden on my brothers and sisters! Besides, I live alone, so if something happened to me, no one would know. What if I couldn’t get to the hospital in time and ended up dying at home?” I couldn’t help but fret and worry about not having anyone to take care of me when I got old. One day during my devotionals, I read God’s words: “As a parent, is it a mistake to pin your hopes onto your children, by hoping that they will be dutiful to you and able to support you when they grow up? It’s not mistaken, and it’s not asking too much. So what is the problem here? She constantly wanted to rely on her children, and to live a happy life by relying on her children, and to spend the rest of her life relying on her children, and to enjoy this-and-that by relying on her children. What was her mistaken view in doing this? Why did she have this idea? What was at the source of this view that she held? People always extravagantly hope for a certain way of life and a certain standard of living. That is to say, even before people come to know how God has preordained their lives or what their destiny is, they have already planned what their standard of living must be, which is that they must be happy, and have peace and joy in their lives, and be rich and wealthy, and have people to help them and rely on—people have already planned their own life path, their life goals, their final destination in life, and everything else. … Given that she constantly had this wish and these plans, did she have God in her heart? (No.) So, in a way, what was the cause of the pain that came from all her struggles? (It was caused by her wish.) That’s absolutely true. So how did her wish come about? (By her not believing in God’s sovereignty or in His orchestration and arrangements.) That’s right. She didn’t understand how people’s destiny comes about, nor did she understand how God’s sovereignty works. This is the root of the problem” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Resolving One’s Notions Can One Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God (2)). What God’s words exposed was exactly my state. I was just a bit over forty when I left home to do my duty, and because I was young and strong at that time I didn’t think about what I would do when I got old. Now that I am older, my health is getting worse year by year, and a lot of worries about the future bubbled up. I was worried about my high blood pressure—what if I fell ill and couldn’t look after myself and there was no one to take care of me? My household registration was canceled during the years I was away from home, and my husband divorced me. I originally thought that because my daughter was very filial to her aunts, she would surely be kind to me. But I didn’t expect my daughter to disown me and for there to be no hope at all of her taking care of me in my old age. I felt like I had no one to rely on, and so I worried about who would take care of me if I got sick in future, and whether I would die at home and nobody would take any notice. In particular, when I heard that Sun Jing was ill and her husband was taking care of her, I felt even more lonely and pitiful, and when I thought about how I didn’t have anyone to rely on in my life in the future, I felt sad and miserable. I realized that I had regarded my daughter as my support and that God had no place in my heart at all. I said that God was sovereign over everything, but in reality, I didn’t believe that everything was in God’s hands. I had no understanding of God’s sovereignty and did not submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements. I always wanted to figure out a way out for myself, and had no faith in God. This state would be very dangerous if I didn’t resolve it.

Later, I pondered, “Why do I care so much about whether there is someone to take care of me in my old age and be there when I pass away? What is the problem?” I then read God’s words: “Some people cling to a rotten and outdated notion, saying, ‘It doesn’t matter whether people have children to be filial to them and whether their children are filial while they are still alive, but when they die, their children must carry them out in a coffin. If they don’t have their children at their side, no one will know when they die, and their body will rot in their house.’ So what if no one will know? When you die, you’re dead, and you’re no longer conscious of anything anymore. When your body dies, your soul immediately leaves it. No matter where the body is or what it looks like after death, isn’t it dead anyway? Even if it is carried out in a coffin at a grand funeral and buried in the ground, the body will still rot, won’t it? People think, ‘Having children by your side to put you in a coffin, to wear burial clothes for you, to put on makeup, and to arrange a grand funeral is a glorious thing. If you die without anyone arranging a funeral for you or sending you off, it’s like your whole life has had no proper conclusion.’ Is this idea correct? (No, it isn’t.) Nowadays, young people don’t pay much attention to these things, but there are still people in remote areas and older people with little insight who have the thought and viewpoint deeply planted in their heart that children must take care of their parents in old age and send them off. No matter how you fellowship about the truth, they do not accept it—what is the final consequence of this? The consequence is that they suffer greatly. This tumor has long been hidden inside of them, and they will be poisoned by it. When they dig it out and remove it, they will no longer be poisoned by it, and their lives will be free. Any wrong actions are caused by wrong thoughts. If they are afraid of dying and rotting in their house, they will always be thinking, ‘I have to raise a son. When my son grows up, I can’t let him go very far away. What if he’s not by my side when I die? Not having someone who will take care of me in old age or send me off would be my greatest regret in life! If I have someone to do this for me, then my life would not have been lived in vain. It would be a perfect life. No matter what, I cannot be the subject of ridicule by my neighbors.’ Isn’t this a rotten ideology? (Yes, it is.) It is narrow-minded and degenerate, attaching too much importance to the physical body! In reality, the physical body is worthless: After experiencing birth, old age, sickness, and death, there is nothing left. Only if people have gained the truth while alive, when they are saved, then they will live forever. If you haven’t gained the truth, then when your body dies and decays, there will be nothing left; no matter how filial your children are to you, you won’t be able to enjoy it. When a person dies and their children bury them in a coffin, can that old body feel anything? Can it perceive anything? (No, it cannot.) It has no perception at all. But in life, people attach great importance to this matter, demanding a lot from their children in whether they can send them off—which is foolish, isn’t it? … if you pursue the truth, as parents, you should first and foremost let go of the traditional, rotten, and degenerate thoughts and viewpoints surrounding whether children are filial, care for you in old age, and send you off with a burial, and approach this matter correctly. If your children truly are filial to you, then accept it properly. But if your children don’t have the conditions, energy, or desire to be filial to you, and when you grow old, they can’t take care of you by your side or send you off, then you don’t need to demand it or feel sad. Everything is in God’s hands. Birth has its time, death has its place, and God has ordained where people are born and where they die” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). What God’s word exposed was exactly my state. I always worried that no one would take care of me when I got old and be there when I passed away, and about what would happen if I died and no one realized, and my body rotted away at home. When I thought this, I became negative and weak, and lived in distress and anxiety. In fact, the time of my birth, the time of my death, and the place of my death have all been ordained by God. Whether my daughter can be there at the end of my days depends on God’s sovereignty and arrangement. I was living in worry and distress because I cherished my flesh too much, and I couldn’t penetrate what the flesh dying actually signifies. God said: “In reality, the physical body is worthless: After experiencing birth, old age, sickness, and death, there is nothing left.” This is correct. When the flesh dies, it has no consciousness. Even if someone takes care of you until the end of your days and buries you in a coffin, won’t your flesh still rot away? So what if your children are there to see you off to the grave? Would you be aware of it? Yet I thought of this matter as being very important. Wasn’t this too foolish? In fact, if people do not obtain the truth, then even if they have a grand funeral after they die, their souls cannot be saved, and they will go to hell. God says: “Only if people have gained the truth while alive, when they are saved, then they will live forever.” Only by pursuing and obtaining the truth, casting off satanic corrupt dispositions, and doing the duties of a created being well can one gain eternal life and receive salvation, being brought by God to a wonderful destination.

I read another passage of God’s words and understood God’s intention even better. God says: “How much parents and their children are fated to be together, and how much they can gain from their children—nonbelievers call this ‘receiving assistance’ or ‘not receiving assistance.’ We don’t know what it means. Ultimately, whether one can rely on their children is, in plain terms, predestined and ordained by God. It’s not like everything plays out exactly how you wish. Of course, everyone wants things to go well and to reap benefits from their children. But why have you never considered whether you are fated for that, whether it is written in your destiny? How long the bond between you and your children will last, whether any job you do in life will have a connection with your children, whether God has arranged for your children to participate in the significant events of your life, and whether your children will be among those involved when you experience a major life event—all of these depend on God’s ordination. If God has not ordained it, then after raising your children into adulthood, even if you don’t drive them out of the house, when the time comes they will leave on their own. This is something that people need to comprehend. If you can’t comprehend this matter, you will always hold on to personal desires and demands, and establish various rules and accept various ideologies for the sake of your own physical enjoyment. What will happen in the end? You’ll find out when you die. You have done a lot of foolish things in your lifetime, and you have thought of many unrealistic things that do not conform to facts or to God’s ordination” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). God’s words are very clear. Whether my daughter is filial and whether she can take care of me in my old age depends on whether I have that destiny or not. If God has not ordained my daughter to take care of me in my old age, then no matter how wonderful my imaginings of that are, it will all be in vain. Even if my daughter promised to take care of me in my old age, because she works and lives thousands of miles away, she may not be able to be by my side when I get sick and die anyway. I couldn’t see through this, and lived in misery because my daughter ignored me and there was no hope of her taking care of me in my old age. I had been fooling myself, and wasting my time on nonsense. I remembered that there was an old lady in our neighboring village who had three sons. When she was in her eighties, she could no longer take care of herself, but not one of her three sons looked after her. The old lady starved to death, and no one was there to see her off. I also thought of an older sister whose daughter went to work abroad and never came back. Now the couple are both in their seventies. Whenever they fall sick, their nephew drives them to the hospital for checkups, and they live a good life. Each person’s life is ordained and arranged by God. I must entrust everything to do with me to God and submit to His orchestrations. I should no longer worry about my old age.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “Raising children is in itself a responsibility and obligation of human beings. Originally, it was human instinct, and later it became an obligation and responsibility. Children do not need to be filial to their parents or to support their parents in their old age, and it is not as if people should only have children if they are filial. The origin of this goal is itself impure, so it ultimately leads people to voice this kind of mistaken thought and viewpoint: ‘Oh goodness, don’t raise children, whatever you do.’ Since the goal is impure, its resulting thoughts and viewpoints are also incorrect. So, don’t they need to be corrected and let go of? (Yes.) How should one let go of and correct them? What kind of goal is a pure one to have? What kind of thought and viewpoint is correct? In other words, what is the correct way to handle one’s relationship with their children? First of all, raising children is your choice, you willingly gave birth to them, and they were passive in being born. Apart from the task and responsibility given to humans by God to produce offspring, and apart from God’s ordination, for those who are parents, their subjective reason and starting point is that they were willing to give birth to their children. If you are willing to bear children, then you should raise them and nurture them into adults, allowing them to become independent. You are willing to bear children, and you have already gained much from raising them—you have benefited greatly. First of all, you have enjoyed a joyful time living together with your children, and you’ve also enjoyed the process of raising them. Although this process has had its ups and downs, it was mostly filled with the happiness of accompanying your children and being accompanied by them, which is a necessary process for humanity. You have enjoyed these things, and you’ve gained a lot already from your children, isn’t that right? Children bring happiness and companionship to their parents, and it’s parents who, through paying prices and investing their time and energy, get to watch these small lives gradually grow into adults. Starting as clueless and young lives that don’t know anything at all, their children gradually learn to speak, gain the ability to put words together, to learn and differentiate various types of knowledge, to have conversations and communication with their parents, and to view matters from an equal stance. This is the kind of process parents undergo. To them, this process cannot be replaced by any other event or role. Parents have already enjoyed and gained these things from their children, which is a great comfort and reward to them” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). “Let’s put talking from the perspective of children aside for now, but speak instead only from the perspective of parents. Parents should not demand that their children must be filial, must take care of them in their old age, and must bear the burden of their parents’ later life—there is no need for that. In one respect, it is an attitude that parents should have toward their children, and in another, it is the dignity that parents should possess. Of course, there is also a more important aspect: It is the principle that parents as created beings should abide by in treating their children. If your children are attentive, filial, and willing to take care of you, you don’t need to refuse them; if they are unwilling to do so, you don’t need to moan and groan all day long, feel uncomfortable or dissatisfied in your heart, or hold grudges against your children. You should take responsibility and bear the burden for your own life and survival so far as you are able, and you should not put it off on others, especially your children. You should proactively and correctly face a life without the company or help of your children, and even if you are distant from your children, you can still face whatever life brings you on your own” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). God’s words are very clear. It is a human instinct and a human responsibility and obligation for parents to raise their children. Parents choose to give birth to their children, and no matter how much suffering it takes or how much of a cost they pay to raise them, this is just what they should do. However, I had been influenced by the traditional notion that you should “raise children to care for you in old age,” and demanded that my daughter take care of me in my old age. I believed it to be perfectly natural and justified that since I had raised her when she was young, she had to take care of me when I got old. This view is not in line with the truth. Raising my daughter was my responsibility and obligation. It is simply what I should have done. However, I used the price I paid for raising my daughter as a bargaining chip to get her to care for me in my old age. When my desires were not fulfilled, I became angry and upset. I really was too selfish and vile! Actually, though we appear to be mother and daughter on the surface, before God we are both created beings, and have equal status. My daughter is not my slave, and it was unreasonable of me to ask her to care for me in my old age. I had already received what was due to me from raising my daughter. From the time my daughter was born to the time she could call us mom and dad, and then to the time she grew to adulthood, she brought a lot of joy to our family. In the process of raising my daughter, my thinking also matured and I gained a lot of life experience. These are the rewards of raising a daughter! I can’t be angry if my daughter doesn’t want to take care of me in the future. I have to take responsibility for my own life to the extent that I am able, and not rely on my daughter, instead submitting to God’s orchestration and arrangements. When I understood this, I felt much more relieved.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words: “When you feel the most suffering and sadness, who can truly comfort you? Who can truly resolve your difficulties? (God can.) Only God can truly resolve people’s difficulties. If you are sick, and your children are by your side, pouring you drinks, and waiting on you, you will feel quite happy, but in time your children will get fed up and no one will be willing to wait on you. In times like those you will feel truly alone! So now, when you think that you have no partner, is that really true? It is actually not, since God is always keeping you company! God does not leave people; He is someone they can rely on and find shelter in at all times, and their only confidant. So, no matter what difficulties and suffering befall you, no matter what grievances, or matters of negativity and weakness you are confronted with, if you come before God and pray at once, His words will give you comfort, and resolve your difficulties and all your different problems. In an environment like this, your loneliness will become the basic condition for experiencing God’s words and gaining the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Only God is mankind’s support. When we are in pain, weak, or encounter difficulties and hardships, it is God who is always with us. God uses words to enlighten and lead us, and solve our problems, helping us get through difficult times. I had had vertigo since I was young, for more than 30 years. Every time I got sick, I had to lie down for two days. Even if my daughter had been filial, she would only be able to bring me food and drink; she would not be able to resolve my pain, and would be even less able to suffer on my behalf. After I started to believe in God, my sickness was cured without me noticing, and I was no longer tortured by illness. It was God who took away my illness. I have been away from home doing my duty for almost 20 years now, and I have always been in good health. Even in 2022, when the pandemic was very serious and many people were infected, I never caught Covid. I don’t have any serious illnesses right now, and, though I do get some common diseases from time to time, I can cure them by using some folk remedies that my brothers and sisters told me about. People my age all look at me with envy and say, “Being free of illness is a blessing!” I experienced how God has been protecting me through all these years, and how God is the support for my survival. Afterward, I dedicated my heart to preaching the gospel, and gradually achieved some results.

By experiencing this environment, I’ve gained some discernment of the traditional idea that you should “raise children to care for you in old age,” and I am no longer worried and distressed over who will care for me in my old age. All these gains I have made were the results of God’s words. Thank God!