By Wen Nuan, China

Ever since my son was little, he’d been pretty weak and had grown slowly. Our home was close to the school, so I often took him to the sports grounds to run and build up his strength. At that time, a coach took notice of him. In 2020, my son entered the third grade of elementary school, and he was selected by the coach to join the school soccer team. Every afternoon after school, my son would go to the field for training, and as I saw him getting some color in his cheeks and his body growing stronger, I felt gratified. Every evening, I would listen to him share soccer anecdotes. While watching my son training out on the field, I noticed that several coaches were paying special attention to him and teaching him additional moves. The coaches spoke to me very politely, praising my son for his quick comprehension, obedience, and endurance, and they often let my son play with older students, saying that they wanted to cultivate him to be a key player. I felt really pleased, thinking, “He’s really doing me proud. Does he really have promise as a soccer player?” From then on, I began paying close attention to my son’s soccer journey, and so long as my duties weren’t keeping me too busy, I’d come to see all of his matches, big or small. The coach would inform me in advance of any team arrangements, and I felt a great sense of pride. I couldn’t help but start daydreaming, “It seems that he truly has a gift for this. In today’s highly competitive society, it’s hard to establish oneself without a specialized skill. I need to cultivate him properly and turn him into a star player, then when he achieves fame and success, not only will he make me proud, but I’ll also share in his wealth and glory.” On New Year’s Day of 2021, my son’s team won the district championship. As he looked at the gleaming golden trophy, he hugged me and laughed happily. In my joy, I was secretly planning out my son’s future as a soccer player, thinking to myself, “From now on, prepare for hardship. Don’t blame me for being harsh—it’s all for your own good. When you succeed in the future, you’ll understand my painstaking intention. This is already a hobby of yours, and if I didn’t cultivate you properly, I would be failing as a parent.”

After this, I often had my son watch the highlight reels of star players from around the world, and I’d say to him, “See how impressive he is? How do you think it would feel to become like him?” My son already enjoyed watching matches, and with my guidance, he became even more enthusiastic. After finishing his homework, he would watch matches and interviews of star players. Before long, he became very familiar with the major soccer events and stars from different countries, and he would often explain these things to me. Seeing that my son was on the right track now, I began teaching him some more, “No one can succeed easily. You have to endure hardships to make your dreams come true.” My son agreed absolutely and rarely complained about the tedious basic skill practices. Throughout the summer of 2021, my son would go to the field to practice every morning at 5 a.m. and wouldn’t stop until after 9 a.m., and yet he didn’t miss a single session. One day, my son had a fever, and I felt a little heartbroken to see him so weak. But to help him work toward his goals, I still took him to the field. On weekends, when he went to the club for training, sometimes he was so tired and wanted to take a day off, but I always refused. Sometimes, he became pretty reluctant, and I kept talking to him to try and change his mindset, “You’ve got to keep at it so the coach sees your hard work. Your skills need to improve so the coach will take you to more matches. When your reputation grows, a better coach will notice you and bring you to an even better team, then won’t you be one step closer to becoming a star player?” My son couldn’t argue with me, so he’d just force himself to train.

Later, due to the severe pandemic, large-scale competitions were halted for two consecutive years. My son didn’t win any honors, and we both felt regretful, but my son never stopped his training. Even in the biting cold, when there were only a few people on the field, his figure could still be seen. But I didn’t know when exactly my relationship with my son began to change. Because of my eagerness to see results from my son, every time he wanted to share interesting moments from training after getting back home, I would impatiently interrupt him, “I don’t care about these things. All I want to know is: Did you win? How many goals did you score? Did the coach praise you? Are you the strongest player on your team?” My son would be at a loss for words from my questioning, and he stopped feeling as close to me as before. If his team won, he would brag to me, but if they lost, he would hang his head as if he had done something wrong.

In 2023, the pandemic restrictions were lifted, and various competitions were held as scheduled. On weekends, the coach often took the kids to other cities for matches, and during the holidays, they went to cities farther away for large competitions, and they even trained alongside teams of the same age from South Korea. No matter how much it cost, I’d actively sign my son up for it, and I thought of myself as having foresight and as a responsible parent. The more awards my son won, the prouder I felt, and my vanity was greatly satisfied before all the coaches, other parents, and our friends and relatives. This year, my duties kept me very busy, but in order to accompany my son at training, I’d often park my car beside the field and do work on my computer in the car while waiting for him. Because I frequently had to get out of the car to watch my son’s training, I wasted quite a bit of time that I could’ve used to do my duty, and the efficiency of my duty decreased. One time, my son participated in a city-level competition, and it happened to coincide with a gathering with a newcomer. Though I really wanted to be at my son’s game, I couldn’t neglect my duties, so I had to go to the gathering. But all the way there, my mind was on the match. I was wondering if my son would be able to play for the full match, or if his team would win the game. When I arrived at the host’s house, I saw the newcomer hadn’t arrived yet. Usually, I would have been anxious and tried to contact the newcomer, but that day, I felt it was perfect that the newcomer hadn’t shown up, as this meant I could go to the game and watch my son. I waited for a while, and since the newcomer still hadn’t come, I anxiously rushed to the game. I got there just in time for the second half, and I was so excited to see my son’s team win the game that I completely forgot about contacting the newcomer.

In October 2023, my son’s team participated in a citywide competition but didn’t win a trophy. I was furious. In particular, when I saw the team one year younger than my son win a prize and those parents and kids celebrating in the WeChat group, I found myself on the verge of a breakdown. In the past, they’d only ever envied us, but now they actually won. My son came home empty-handed and I didn’t know what to do with all the shame I was feeling. When I got home, I didn’t even eat dinner. I kept venting at my son, “The pandemic delayed competitions for two years, but I didn’t expect that you’d still get no results this time. It’s all because your coach didn’t train you properly before the competition. One of your teammates dropped the ball at the critical moment and held everyone back. And as for you, I don’t think you were all that strong either. If you were, you definitely could have led the team to the end!” He was already really sad due to losing the game, but seeing me fly off the handle, he tried to comfort me, “Mom, don’t be angry. There are winners and losers in every competition. We just weren’t as strong as them.” Looking at my son’s innocent face, I felt quite moved, “It’s just a game; why am I so angry?” I forced myself to say a few words of encouragement to my son. But deep down, I was still a mess, and by 1 a.m., I still couldn’t sleep. I felt that my state was wrong, so I prayed in my heart, “God, I can’t control my emotions. You ask that we always view people and things and conduct ourselves and act according to Your word, with the truth as our criterion. Which aspect of truth should I enter into regarding the cultivation of my child? Please enlighten and guide me.” After praying, I recalled how God had told us about what responsibilities parents should fulfill for their children, with a passage of God’s words coming into mind: “Fulfilling the responsibilities of a parent means, in one respect, caring for their children, and in another respect, counseling and correcting their children, and giving them guidance regarding the correct thoughts and views” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (18)). God asks that, as parents, when our young children have extreme thoughts or views, we must promptly counsel them regarding their thoughts. This is the responsibility of being a parent. My son lost the competition that day, so really, this should have been the time for him to vent his emotions and express his thoughts, and I should have listened to his thoughts, counseled him, and helped correct his mistaken viewpoints. Not only did I not counsel him at all, but instead, I made things worse for him. I was so lacking in reason! I wasn’t even up to standard as a mother. I was so awful! Thinking these things, I slowly calmed down, and I stopped obsessing over the result of the competition.

Later, I reflected on why I placed so many demands upon my child. I read God’s words: “Within the subjective consciousness of parents, they envisage, plan, and determine various things about their children’s futures, and as a result, they produce these expectations. Under the instigation of these expectations, parents demand that their children study various skills, that they study theatre and dance, or art, and so on. They demand that their children become talented individuals, and that they are thereafter superiors, and not subordinates. They demand that their children become high-ranking officials, and not foot soldiers; they demand that their children become managers, CEOs, and executives, working for the top global 500 companies, and so on. These are all the subjective ideas of parents. … What are these parental expectations based upon? Where do they come from? They come from society and the world. The point of all these parental expectations is to enable children to adapt to this world and society, to avoid being eliminated by the world or by society, and to establish themselves in society, to get a secure job, a stable family, and a stable future, so parents have various subjective expectations for their offspring. For example, right now it is quite fashionable to be a computer engineer. Some people say: ‘My child is going to be a computer engineer in the future. They can earn a lot of money in this field, carrying around a computer all day, doing computer engineering. This will make me look good too!’ In these circumstances, where children have no concept of anything at all, their parents lay down their futures. Isn’t this wrong? (It is.) Their parents are pinning hopes on their children entirely on the basis of an adult’s way of looking at things, as well as an adult’s views, perspectives, and preferences about matters of the world. Isn’t this subjective? (Yes.) If you were to put it nicely, you could say that it is subjective, but what is it really? What is another interpretation of this subjectivity? Is it not selfishness? Isn’t it coercion? (It is.) You like this or that job and such-and-such career, you enjoy being established, living a glamorous life, serving as an official, or being wealthy in society, so you make your children do those things too, be that kind of person too, and walk that kind of path—but will they enjoy living in that environment and engaging in that work in the future? Are they suited to it? What are their destinies? What are God’s arrangements and rulings regarding them? Do you know these things? Some people say: ‘I don’t care about those things, what matters are the things that I, as their parent, like. I’ll pin hopes on them based on my own preferences.’ Isn’t that so selfish? (It is.) It is so selfish!” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (18)). From God’s words, I saw that parents make various demands on their children based on their own preferences and understanding of society, and then they ask their children to pursue and achieve these demands. I looked at myself in light of this, and I saw that I liked being highly regarded and didn’t want to remain nameless, so I expected my son to pursue the same thing. I saw the pressure of social competition is immense and that my son happened to have a gift for sports, so I hoped for him to stand out among his peers through soccer, to eventually become a celebrity, to earn lots of money, and to live a superior life. In this way, I’d also benefit from his success. To achieve this goal, I deprived my son of the joy of playing soccer, and I forced him to pursue the aspiration of becoming a star player according to my wishes. Regardless of extreme heat or cold, and whether he could bear it physically, I forced him to keep training. Gradually, my son became too focused on winning or losing and on honor, and he even became proud and self-satisfied because of his achievements. On the surface, it seemed like I was doing this for my son’s good, but in reality, I wanted to use his success in soccer to fulfill my selfish desires and realize my own dreams. More importantly, my expectations and demands on my son were entirely driven by my personal subjective desires. My son was still young and didn’t even understand the idea of becoming famous or earning a lot of money, but I imposed these things on him and forced him to carry out my plan. I was so selfish! What job my son does, or what kind of person he becomes in the future, are all under God’s sovereignty and arrangements. By planning my son’s life according to my own wishes, was I not trying to break free of God’s sovereignty?

Later on, I sought, “Why do I always expect my son to fulfill my demands?” When I read God’s words, my heart became a little brighter. Almighty God says: “In fact, no matter how lofty man’s ideals are, no matter how realistic man’s desires are or how proper they may be, all that man wants to achieve, all that man seeks for, is inextricably linked to two words. These two words are vitally important to the life of every person, and they are things Satan intends to instill in man. What are these two words? They are ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Satan uses a very mild kind of method, a method very much in concert with people’s notions, which is not at all radical, through which it causes people to unknowingly accept its way of living, its rules to live by, and to establish life goals and their direction in life, and unknowingly they also come to have ambitions in life. No matter how grand these life ambitions may seem, they are inextricably linked to ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Everything that any great or famous person—all people, in fact—follow in life relates only to these two words: ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ People think that once they have fame and gain, they can then capitalize on those things to enjoy high status and great wealth, and to enjoy life. They think fame and gain are a kind of capital that they can use to obtain a life of pleasure-seeking and wanton enjoyment of the flesh. For the sake of this fame and gain which mankind so covets, people willingly, albeit unknowingly, hand over their bodies, minds, all that they have, their futures and their destinies, to Satan. They do so genuinely and without even a moment’s hesitation, ever ignorant of the need to recover all that they have handed over. Can people retain any control over themselves once they have taken refuge in Satan in this way and become loyal to it? Certainly not. They are completely and utterly controlled by Satan. They have completely and utterly sunk into a quagmire, and are unable to free themselves. Once someone is mired in fame and gain, they no longer seek that which is bright, that which is just, or those things that are beautiful and good. This is because the seductive power that fame and gain have over people is too great; they become things for people to pursue throughout their lives and even for all eternity without end. Is this not true?” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). From God’s words, I saw that the reason I had such expectations for my child was because I had made the pursuit of fame and gain my life’s goal. Since I was young, I’d taken the satanic sayings of “Man struggles upward; water flows downward,” “Stand out above the rest, and bring honor to your ancestors,” and “One must endure the greatest hardships in order to become the greatest of men” as creeds by which to live. I focused entirely on studying, passing exams, and finding high-paying jobs. Every time I achieved a goal and was praised by others, my parents also came to be envied by relatives, friends, and neighbors because of my achievements, and I felt that no matter how much suffering I endured, it was worth it. After I started working, in order to get promoted, get my salary raised, and stand out, I toadied to my superiors. I wore a mask when dealing with my colleagues, and I said things that went against my true feelings. My family only saw it was impressive that I was working in the big city and sending money home every month, but in reality, I’d long since had enough of the kind of life I was living. In the world of fame and gain, I lost my integrity and felt lonely and empty inside, and I didn’t even have anyone with whom I could share my true feelings. After I resigned, I didn’t want to think back on that time for many years. After accepting Almighty God’s work of the last days, I began to do my duty in the church, allowing me to feel peace and ease in my heart and to shun the contentious and treacherous world of scrambling for fame and gain. I thought I’d already let go of the pursuit of fame and gain, but unexpectedly, when it came to my child playing soccer, I started pursuing fame and gain again. I wanted to cultivate my child to become a star player so I could enjoy the glory too. The essence of my expectation was that I wanted my child to pursue fame, gain, and status just like me. Out on the field, my child was competing against his opponents; off the field, I was competing against other parents. We were competing to see who could cultivate their child better, and who could have their child bring them more glory. I even fantasized that after my son became famous, I could enjoy riches, status, and glory alongside him. I saw that the goal I was pursuing hadn’t changed at all. Over the years of going to matches with my son, I saw that competitive sports are all about fame and gain. Even if gifted players achieve good results through effort, the suffering they endure mentally and physically in the process is something ordinary people cannot bear. Moreover, these fleeting achievements quickly fade and hold no meaning. Even those star players who once had both fame and gain cannot escape aging, illness, and death, and still face hardships in life. Even if a person attains both fame and gain, this can’t stop aging or illness, nor can it extend their life. Even if I cultivated my son to be a star player, what would be the point? Wouldn’t he still be suffering from Satan’s poisons just like me? It was only then that I saw that taking my child down the path of pursuing fame and gain was like pushing him into a pit of fire. My son was clearly just an ordinary child who loved to play soccer, and I was the one blinded by fame and gain. I personally put the shackles of fame and gain on my son.

Later, by eating and drinking God’s words, I came to see this issue more clearly. Almighty God says: “If parents wish to fulfill their responsibilities, they should try to understand their children’s personalities, dispositions, interests, caliber, and the needs of their humanity, rather than turning their own adult pursuits of the world, prestige, and profit into expectations for their children, imposing these things of prestige, profit, and the world that come from society onto their children. Parents call these things by the pleasant-sounding name of ‘expectations for their children,’ but in reality, that is not what they are. It is clear that they are trying to push their children into the fire pit and send them into the arms of devils” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (18)). “Regarding the future paths their children will take and the careers that they will pursue, parents should not instill such things as, ‘Look at so-and-so, they’re a pianist who started playing the piano at the age of four or five. They didn’t indulge in playtime, they had no friends or toys, and they practiced the piano every day. Their parents accompanied them to piano lessons, consulted various teachers, and entered them into piano competitions. Look at the famous person they are now, well-fed, well-dressed, surrounded by an aura of light and respected wherever they go.’ Is this the kind of education that promotes the healthy development of a child’s mind? (No, it’s not.) What kind of education is it, then? It’s the education of the devil. This type of education is damaging to any young mind. It encourages them to aspire to fame, to covet various auras, honors, positions, and enjoyments. It makes them yearn for and pursue these things from a young age, driving them to anxiety, intense apprehension, and worry, and even causing them to pay every kind of price to get it, waking up early and working late to look over their homework and study different skills, and losing their childhood years, exchanging those precious years for these things” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). From God’s words, I saw that parents place their pursuit of fame and gain upon their children, and that this is present throughout the process of raising and educating children. This damages the children’s body and mind and pushes them into the devil’s arms. I thought about how my son was in a carefree childhood, but I made him seek, from the age of about six or seven, to become a star player, and to chase fame and fortune. These were beyond what he could bear mentally at his age. But I still forcefully instilled these ideas into him, and I demanded that he keep on training, even when he was exhausted or sick. Soccer had become more than just an interest or hobby for my son, and he had been put under too much pressure from me. I forced my child to care about wins and losses, success and failure, forced him to compete with his peers, and I forced him to train hard so more coaches would notice him. By this point, my son would gain a sense of superiority whenever he won a game or received an honor, and he’d become discouraged and jealous when others performed better and got attention. My son lost the innocence that he should have had at his age, and all of this was a result of me imposing my own desires on him. I owed my child an apology. Even after believing in God for many years, I still couldn’t see the harm fame and gain caused to people. I even taught my child to pursue fame and gain, and delayed my duties in the process. I’d really neglected my proper duties and disappointed God. I felt very regretful and prayed to God, “God, I don’t understand the truth. I am not up to standard as a parent either. How should I educate my child, and how should I treat his interests and hobbies? Please enlighten and guide me.”

Later, I found a path to practice in God’s words. Almighty God says: “When parents impose various expectations and requirements on their children, they are not fulfilling their responsibilities. So, what are their ‘responsibilities’? The most basic responsibilities that parents ought to fulfill are teaching their children to speak, instructing them to be kindhearted and to not be bad people, and guiding them in a positive direction. These are their most basic responsibilities. In addition, they should assist their children in studying any kinds of knowledge, talents, and so on, that suit them, based on their ages, how much they can handle, and their caliber and interests. Slightly better parents will help their children understand that people are created by God and that God exists in this universe, leading their children to pray and read God’s words, telling them some stories from the Bible, and hoping that they will follow God and perform the duty of a created being after they grow up, rather than chasing worldly trends, getting trapped within various complicated interpersonal relationships, and being devastated by the various trends of this world and society. The responsibilities that parents ought to fulfill have nothing to do with their expectations. The responsibilities they should fulfill in their role as parents are to provide their children with positive guidance and appropriate assistance before they reach adulthood, as well as to promptly care for them in their fleshly lives with regard to food, clothing, housing, or at times when they fall ill. If their children become sick, parents should treat whatever illness needs to be treated; they should not neglect their children or tell them, ‘Keep going to school, keep studying—you can’t fall behind in your classes. If you fall too far behind, you won’t be able to catch up.’ When their children need to rest, parents should let them rest; when their children are sick, parents must help them to recuperate. These are the responsibilities of parents. In one respect, they must care for the physical health of their children; in another respect, they must assist, educate, and aid their children in terms of their mental health. These are the responsibilities that parents ought to fulfill, rather than imposing any unrealistic expectations or requirements on their children. Parents must fulfill their responsibilities when it comes to both their children’s mental needs and the things that their children need in their physical lives. Parents shouldn’t let their children freeze in the winter, they should teach them some general life knowledge, like under what circumstances they’ll catch a cold, that they should eat warm foods, that their stomachs will hurt if they eat cold foods, and that they shouldn’t casually expose themselves to the wind or undress in draughty places when the weather is cold, helping them learn to take care of their own health. In addition, when some childish, immature ideas about their futures, or some extreme thoughts arise in their children’s young minds, parents must promptly provide them with correct guidance as soon as they discover this, rather than forcibly suppressing them; they should get their children to express and vent their ideas, so that the problem can truly be resolved. This is fulfilling their responsibilities. Fulfilling the responsibilities of a parent means, in one respect, caring for their children, and in another respect, counseling and correcting their children, and giving them guidance regarding the correct thoughts and views” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (18)). From God’s words, I saw that the responsibility parents have for their young children in one respect involves taking care of their physical needs and ensuring they grow up healthy, and in another, communicating more with children, and counseling them and solving their psychological issues in a timely manner. Even better is to bring their children before God. God’s words are what people really need. He practically teaches us how to conduct ourselves and how to treat our children. I’d been a parent for so many years, and I had no idea what it really meant to do what’s best for my child. At this point, I saw that only by following God’s words can I truly fulfill my responsibilities as a parent, and that this can also allow my child to grow up healthy. Realizing these things, I no longer forced my child to participate in training or competitions, and instead, I respected his wishes. At the same time, I communicated with him, saying, “We won’t seek to make you a star player. Since you enjoy playing soccer, just focus on having fun playing.” He was both surprised and happy when he heard me say this. I also felt much more at ease, and I no longer expected my son to become a star player. After that, I prioritized my duties, and I let my son see to his training or competitions on his own. I calmed down to focus on my own duties and stopped worrying about those things. In May 2024, as elementary school graduation approached, my son had a match. Seeing that the competing teams were strong, I worried about the fierce competition, so I didn’t want my child to get pulled back into the vortex of fame and gain again, and as such, I suggested he not participate. But my son insisted on going. As a result, his teammates’ mistakes led to losing two goals, and in the final penalty shootout, my son missed a goal due to nervousness. My son was a bit upset and felt somewhat regretful, but I patiently counseled him and encouraged him to face the matter calmly. After hearing this, my son felt greatly relieved. Usually, I found the right moments to testify to my son about God’s creation. I talked to him about how man was created by God and about how Satan corrupts people. My son was very interested and able to understand. I kept teaching my child to rely on God when facing difficulties, to be honest in his words and actions, and not to do bad things.

The desire for fame and gain still occasionally stirred in my heart, and especially when I saw others’ children achieving success in certain interests or hobbies, I found myself unsettled. However, I no longer imposed my desires on my child. One evening, I came across a passage of God’s words. It was something both my son and I needed, so I called him over to read it with me. Almighty God says: “God’s giving you a certain interest, hobby, or strength does not mean that God must have you do duty or work related to your interest, hobby, or strength. Some people say, “Since I am not asked to do duty in this area or engage in work related to this, then why was I given such an interest, hobby, or strength?” God has given the vast majority of people certain interests and hobbies based on each person’s various conditions. There are, of course, multiple things that are taken into consideration: For one thing, it is for people’s livelihood and survival; for another, it is to enrich people’s lives. Sometimes, a person’s life requires certain interests and hobbies, whether for entertainment and amusement or so they can engage in some proper tasks, thereby making their human life fulfilling. Of course, no matter from which aspect it is viewed, there is reasoning behind God’s giving, and God also has His reasoning and grounds for not giving. It may be that your human life or your survival does not require that God give you interests, hobbies, and strengths, and you can maintain your livelihood or enrich your human life and make it fulfilling through other means. In short, regardless of whether God has given people interests, hobbies, and strengths or not, this is not an issue with people themselves. Even if someone has no strengths, this is not a defect of their humanity. People should comprehend this correctly and treat it correctly. If one possesses certain interests, hobbies, and strengths, then they should cherish them and apply them correctly; if they do not have them, they should not complain” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (12)). I saw from God’s words that God gives people interests and hobbies, so that in one respect, they enrich human life, and in another, they allow people to make a living through them. But whether one can eventually work in a field related to their interests or hobbies still depends on God’s ordinations. They may just remain hobbies. I fellowshipped my understanding with my son about how to treat interests and hobbies. My son said, “Thank God for allowing me to love playing soccer. It has brought me a lot of joy, but whether I can work in a job related to soccer, or how I will make a living in the future, still depends on God’s ordinations.” I said, “That’s right. Only God’s words are the truth, and this is how we should comprehend this matter.” I feel that believing in God is so wonderful. God’s words are the truth, and they provide us with principles of practice in all things, granting us a path to follow, and also granting our hearts freedom and liberation.