Refinement Through Illness: A Necessity for My Life
By Wang Quan, ChinaIn 1999, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. From God’s words, I learned that this is the final stage of...
In the past few years, I have been doing cleansing work in the church, and have seen some of the supervisors being dismissed one after another, and some being cleared out. In particular, the two former supervisors had great caliber and work capability, and had a broad scope of responsibilities. They had been supervisors for two to three years but were dismissed because they didn’t do real work and didn’t accept the truth. As a result, I thought that it was too dangerous to be a supervisor. Being a supervisor means you have a wide range of responsibilities and face many problems, and if you don’t do it well, you bring disruption and disturbance to the work of the church and leave transgressions in your wake, so there is a possibility of being dismissed or revealed and eliminated. I thought it would be better to be a team member, as there is less risk and you don’t need to worry so much, but you still have hope of salvation.
In early August 2023, the supervisor had to go elsewhere to do his duty, and, during a gathering, he suddenly asked me to take over his work. I thought to myself, “As a team member, there is a person in charge to help make the final checks and guide the work, so I will not do any great evils and then be revealed and eliminated. It’s different being a supervisor. You have to be responsible for the overall work, and you run into many problems and take on great responsibilities. If I fail to handle things properly and cause disruption to the work of the church, I will leave a trail of transgressions behind me. If I do many evil deeds, won’t I be revealed and eliminated, and lose my chance of salvation? It is better to be a team member, so I don’t have to bear any big responsibilities. It’s safe and secure, and I have hope of salvation.” When I thought this, I refused, giving the excuses that my caliber was average, my work capability was limited, and I wasn’t worth cultivating. After that, the supervisor wrote to me two more times and asked me to think about it. My heart was in turmoil, and I was caught in a dilemma, “Not accepting it is disobedience, but if I accept it, as the cleansing work involves principles at every turn, if I don’t handle things well and violate principles, I will leave transgressions and evil deeds in my wake. If they are minor, I’ll be dismissed, but if they are serious, then I might be expelled. Not only will my reputation and status be damaged, but my chance of having a good outcome and destination may also be jeopardized.” After much thought, I finally refused. The supervisor told me, “When the brothers and sisters voted, you had the most votes. You have to seek God’s intention.” I had nothing to say. My heart felt like it was being pulled in two, and I prayed to God again and again, “Dear God, when this thing came upon me, I knew in my heart that I should submit, but I just cannot submit. I am afraid that I will be unable to do my duty as a supervisor well, disrupt and disturb the work of the church, and be revealed and eliminated. I don’t know what truths I should enter into to escape this predicament. I beg You, lead me!”
One time, I read a passage of God’s words that really touched my heart. Almighty God says: “How should you act according to conscience? Act from sincerity, and be worthy of God’s kindness, of God having given you this life, and of this God-given opportunity to attain salvation. Is that the effect of your conscience? Once you have met this bare minimum of standards, you will have obtained protection and you will not commit grievous errors. You will not then so easily do things to rebel against God or give up your duty, nor will you be so liable to act in a perfunctory manner. You will also not be so prone to scheming for your own status, fame, gain, and future. This is the role that conscience plays. Conscience and reason should both be components of a person’s humanity. These are both the most fundamental and most important. What kind of person is one who lacks conscience and does not have the reason of normal humanity? Generally speaking, they are a person who lacks humanity, a person of extremely poor humanity. Going into more detail, what manifestations of lost humanity does this person exhibit? Have a go at analyzing what characteristics are found in such people and what specific manifestations they present. (They are selfish and base.) Selfish and base people are perfunctory in their actions and stand aloof from anything that does not concern them personally. They do not consider the interests of God’s house, nor do they show consideration for God’s intentions. They take on no burden of performing their duties or testifying for God, and they have no sense of responsibility. … Does this kind of person have conscience and reason? (No.) Does a person without conscience and reason who behaves in this way feel self-reproach? Such people have no sense of self-reproach; the conscience of this kind of person serves no purpose. They have never felt reproach from their conscience, so can they feel the reproach or discipline of the Holy Spirit? No, they cannot” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Giving One’s Heart to God, One Can Obtain the Truth). God says that those who have no conscience or reason are particularly selfish and base. They only consider their own interests, not the work of the church, and bear no burden or sense of responsibility toward the work of the church. On reflection, I realized that I was exactly this kind of person. The supervisor needed to do duties in another area due to the requirements of the work, and when my brothers and sisters elected me, I should have taken on this duty. However, I was afraid that the responsibility of doing this duty would be too great, and that if I didn’t do it well, leaving transgressions in my wake and doing evil, I would be dismissed and eliminated. Not only would my reputation and status be damaged, I would lose my outcome and destination. In order to safeguard my own interests, I refused, giving the excuses that my caliber was average, my work capability was limited, and I wasn’t worth cultivating. The supervisor wrote to me several times to fellowship with me, but I kept finding excuses to refuse. I only considered my own interests and refused to accept this duty. I truly was absolutely lacking in conscience and reason! I didn’t want to live in such a selfish and base way any longer, and so I accepted this duty.
A few months later, I was reassigned to be a team member because my poor caliber meant I was not up to the job. Later, the leaders wrote to say that there was a team that was short of people to organize cleansing materials, and they didn’t fully grasp the principles. They asked me to go there and be the team leader to help them out. I thought to myself, “If I don’t organize the cleansing materials well and mischaracterize someone, I’ll have to bear the responsibility for that. If I fail to penetrate any one detail and violate the principles, leaving transgressions and evil deeds in my wake, then wouldn’t I be close to being dismissed and eliminated? It’s safer to be a team member.” Therefore, I refused again, giving the excuses that my caliber was poor, my work capability was limited, and I wasn’t worth cultivating.
Afterward, the leaders wrote to fellowship with me and pointed out that my repeated refusal of my duty was a refusal to accept the truth. I realized clearly that the leaders’ fellowship was a reminder and warning from God, and I felt sad and guilty, “I have believed in God for so many years, so why haven’t I changed at all? Why am I so intransigent?” I realized that this state would be very dangerous if I didn’t seek the truth to resolve it. Afterward, I looked for God’s words that were relevant to my state. I read the words of God: “Some people are afraid of taking responsibility while performing their duty. If the church gives them a job to do, they will first consider whether the job requires them to take responsibility, and if it does, they will not accept the job. Their conditions for performing a duty are, first, that it must be a slack job; second, that it is not busy or tiring; and third, that no matter what they do, they do not take any responsibility. This is the only kind of duty they take on. What sort of a person is this? Is this not a slippery, deceitful person? They do not want to shoulder even the smallest amount of responsibility. They even fear that leaves will break their skull when they fall from trees. What duty can a person like this perform? What use could they have in the house of God? The work of the house of God has to do with the work of battling Satan, as well as spreading the kingdom gospel. What duty does not entail responsibilities? Would you say that being a leader carries responsibility? Are their responsibilities not all the greater, and must they not take responsibility all the more? Regardless of whether you spread the gospel, testify, make videos, and so on—no matter what work you do—so long as it pertains to the truth principles, it carries with it responsibilities. If the performance of your duty is unprincipled, it will affect the work of God’s house, and if you are afraid of taking responsibility, then you cannot perform any duty. Is someone who fears taking responsibility in performing their duty cowardly, or is there a problem with their disposition? You must be able to tell the difference. The fact is that this is not an issue of cowardice. If that person were after wealth, or they were doing something in their own interest, how could they be so brave? They would take on any risk. But when they do things for the church, for God’s house, they take on no risk at all. Such people are selfish and vile, the most treacherous of all. Anyone who does not take responsibility in performing a duty is not the least bit sincere to God, to say nothing of their loyalty. What sort of person dares to take responsibility? What sort of person has the courage to bear a heavy burden? Someone who takes the lead and goes bravely forth at the most crucial moment in the work of God’s house, who is not afraid to bear a heavy responsibility and endure great hardship when they see the work that is most important and crucial. That is someone loyal to God, a good soldier of Christ. Is it the case that everyone who fears taking responsibility in their duty does so because they do not understand the truth? No; it is a problem in their humanity. They have no sense of justice or responsibility, they are selfish and vile people, not true-hearted believers in God, and they do not accept the truth in the least. For this reason, they cannot be saved. … If you protect yourself whenever something befalls you and leave yourself an escape route, a back door, are you putting the truth into practice? This is not practicing the truth—it is being sneaky. You are performing your duty in the house of God now. What is the first principle of performing a duty? It is that you must first perform that duty with your whole heart, sparing no effort, and protect the interests of God’s house. This is a truth principle, one that you should put into practice. Protecting oneself by leaving oneself an escape route, a back door, is the principle of practice followed by nonbelievers, and their most elevated philosophy. Considering oneself first in all things and placing one’s own interests before all else, not thinking of others, having no connection with the interests of God’s house and the interests of others, thinking of one’s own interests first and then thinking of an escape route—is that not what a nonbeliever is? This is precisely what a nonbeliever is. This sort of person is not fit to perform a duty” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part One)). As I pondered God’s words, I felt pierced to the heart. God has exposed that the type of people who are selfish, base, and treacherous are afraid of being held responsible. When things come upon them, they always consider their own interests first, and are constantly thinking about leaving a way out for themselves instead of protecting the interests of the house of God. They don’t want to take any responsibility at all. This type of person does not accept the truth and has no humanity. They are nonbelievers in God’s eyes, and they do not deserve to do duties. I was exactly this type of person. God’s house had been cultivating me to do cleansing work for several years, and I had mastered some relevant principles and understood some paths to deal with problems. When my brothers and sisters elected me as the supervisor, I should have accepted this duty and cooperated wholeheartedly. However, I was worried about the consequences of not doing it well, and so found reasons and excuses to refuse. I did not consider the work of the church at all. When the leaders assigned me to be the team leader, I was still worried about being held accountable if I didn’t do the work well. In order to protect my own interests, I found various reasons and excuses, such as that my caliber was poor and my work capability was limited, to prevaricate and evade. I was well aware of what the work of the church required, and that I was a suitable candidate, but I played tricks and didn’t want to be a team leader or take on any responsibilities because I was considering my own outcome and destination. I thought of those nonbelievers for whom profit comes first, and who are always calculating and scheming for their own interests in everything they do; they do whatever is beneficial to them. All my thoughts and ideas were also for my own benefit, and when work that involved taking responsibilities called on me, I played tricks and retreated. I did not have any loyalty or submission to God at all, and was no different from a nonbeliever or a disbeliever. I was truly unworthy of doing duties! When I understood this, I was filled with regret and self-reproach.
Later, I reflected on myself: Why, when I had believed in God for many years, did I constantly want to refuse my duty? What was the root cause of the problem? One day, I read the words of God: “Antichrists never obey the arrangements of God’s house, and they always closely link their duty, fame, gain, and status with their hope of gaining blessings and their future destination, as if once their reputation and status are lost, they have no hope of gaining blessings and rewards, and this feels like losing their lives to them. They think, ‘I have to be careful, I mustn’t be careless! God’s house, the brothers and sisters, the leaders and workers, and even god can’t be relied upon. I can’t trust any of them. The person you can rely on most and who is most worthy of trust is yourself. If you’re not making plans for yourself, then who is going to care about you? Who is going to consider your future? Who is going to consider whether or not you’re going to receive blessings? Therefore, I have to make careful plans and calculations for my own sake. I can’t make mistakes or be even slightly careless, otherwise, what will I do if somebody tries to take advantage of me?’ Therefore, they guard themselves against the leaders and workers of God’s house, fearing that somebody will discern or see through them, and that they’ll then be dismissed and their dream of blessings will be spoiled. They think they must maintain their reputation and status in order for them to have hope of gaining blessings. An antichrist sees being blessed as greater than the heavens, greater than life, more important than pursuing the truth, dispositional change, or personal salvation, and more important than doing their duty well, and being a created being that is up to standard. They think that being a created being that is up to standard, doing their duty well and being saved are all paltry things that are hardly worth mentioning or remarking on, while gaining blessings is the only thing in their entire life that can never be forgotten. In whatever they encounter, no matter how great or small, they relate it to being blessed, and are incredibly cautious and attentive, and they always leave a way out for themselves” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). God exposed that antichrists place too much importance on receiving blessings. Antichrists trust no one but themselves. They believe that they can only rely on themselves, that they are the only ones who will truly look out for themselves, and that they have to be careful and cautious at every turn, terrified that submitting to the arrangements of the house of God might be detrimental to obtaining blessings for themselves and destroy their dreams of gaining blessings. Reflecting on myself, wasn’t my behavior the same as that of an antichrist? I attached great importance to gaining blessings. The church arranged for me to be a supervisor and then a team leader, but I couldn’t help but worry about my own outcome and destination. I thought that doing the duties of a supervisor or team leader involved great responsibilities, and that if I didn’t do the work well I would leave transgressions in my wake. If these were serious I may even be revealed and eliminated, so it would be safer to be an ordinary team member and have someone else make the final checks. Even though I wouldn’t achieve any prominent merits, I wouldn’t leave transgressions in my wake and be revealed and eliminated. What I thought about was acting in whatever way was beneficial to me, and I did not consider the interests of the church at all. I was living in utter reliance on satanic poisons such as “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “Seek not merit, but to avoid blame,” and “Caution is the parent of safety.” I thought it was perfectly natural for people to consider their own interests—wouldn’t it be stupid to do otherwise? God’s intention was to allow me to obtain more training by doing this duty, and be able to seek the truth to do things by principle. However, I suspected God based on my distorted view. I felt that making me a supervisor was a way to reveal and eliminate me. I thought of God as being like all those famous and great people in the world, who are not necessarily fair and righteous to people, and that people who made the slightest mistake while doing their duty would be eliminated. Isn’t this blasphemy against God? I was so deceitful and wicked! It is perfectly natural and justified to believe in God and do the duty of a created being, which is a responsibility I am honor-bound not to shirk. However, I had been harmed by satanic poisons, and had become selfish, wicked, and deceitful. I refused my duty to safeguard my interests, and didn’t show any consideration for God’s intentions in the slightest. Living by these satanic philosophies would only lead to me resisting God more and more, and I would ultimately be spurned and eliminated by God. When I understood this, I was filled with regret and self-reproach, and so I prayed to God, “Dear God, I am so selfish, base, wicked, and deceitful. Since I started to believe in You, I have only pursued blessings and have not considered Your intentions or thought about the work of the church. Dear God, I am willing to repent. I don’t want to continue walking down the wrong path.”
Later, I read the words of God: “Some people do not believe that God’s house can treat people fairly. They do not believe that God reigns in His house, and that the truth reigns there. They believe that no matter what duty a person performs, if a problem arises in it, God’s house will handle that person immediately, stripping them of their right to perform that duty, sending them away, or even clearing them out of the church. Is that really how things work? It certainly is not. God’s house treats every person according to the truth principles. God is righteous in His treatment of every person. He does not look only at how a person behaves in a single instance; He looks at a person’s nature essence, at their intentions, at their attitude, and He looks in particular at whether a person can reflect on themselves when they make a mistake, whether they are remorseful, and whether they can penetrate the essence of the problem based on His words, come to understand the truth, hate themselves, and truly repent. If someone lacks this correct attitude, and they are entirely adulterated by personal intentions, if they are filled with cunning schemes and revelations of corrupt dispositions, and when problems arise, they resort to pretense, sophistry, and self-justification, and stubbornly refuse to acknowledge their actions, then such a person cannot be saved. They don’t accept the truth at all and have been completely revealed. People who aren’t right, and who can’t accept the truth in the slightest, are disbelievers in essence and can only be eliminated. … Tell Me, if a person has made a mistake, but they are capable of true understanding and willing to repent, would God’s house not give them a chance? As God’s six-thousand-year management plan draws to a close, there are so many duties that need to be performed. But if you have no conscience or reason, and don’t attend to your proper work, if you have gained the opportunity to perform a duty but do not know to treasure it, do not pursue the truth in the least, letting the best time pass you by, then you will be revealed” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading the words of God, I understood that in the house of God, truth and righteousness reign. The house of God dismisses and eliminates people according to principles, and nobody will be dealt with arbitrarily because of their behavior at a certain time or in a certain matter. It is all based on people’s consistent behavior, their attitude toward accepting the truth, and whether they have truly repented. If a person does many evil deeds which disrupt and disturb the work of God’s house, and does not repent or change however others help them, they will be dismissed and eliminated. However, if a person reveals a corrupt disposition when doing their duty or brings disruption and disturbance to the work of the church, but can promptly reflect, understand, repent, and change, the house of God will give them other opportunities to do duties. I thought about how since I started doing cleansing work, I had once stuck to regulations because I didn’t understand the principles, and transgressed as a result. However, the house of God did not dismiss or eliminate me because of my transgressions, but fellowshipped with me and helped me. Afterward, as I was willing to repent, I was allowed to continue to do duties. As for those who were dismissed and eliminated, this was not because they were doing duties as team leaders or supervisors, but because they were walking on the wrong path. They had transgressed, but didn’t accept pruning, and didn’t repent. Only then were they dismissed and eliminated. I thought about a sister in the team who was not a supervisor. However, while she was doing her duty, she competed for fame and gain with the sisters she was working with and sabotaged them behind their backs. This disrupted and disturbed the work of the church, and she didn’t repent after fellowship. In the end she was dismissed. Also, the reason why the two previous supervisors were dismissed was not because they bore great responsibilities which revealed them, but because they consistently didn’t pursue the truth and didn’t do real work. When they were pruned or their brothers and sisters fellowshipped to help them, they didn’t truly repent or change. Only then were they dismissed. Their dismissals were completely unrelated to what duties they did or how big their responsibilities were. I realized my belief that being a team leader was dangerous because of the great responsibility it entailed, and that being a team member was relatively safe and secure was fallacious and absurd, and did not accord with the truth principle. The house of God gave me an opportunity to do duties, and God’s intention was that I would seek the truth in the people, events, and things that came upon me, and that I would grasp and understand more truth principles. I should have cherished this rare opportunity and accepted my duty.
Later, I read more of God’s words: “How, then, should an honest person behave? They should submit to God’s arrangements, be loyal to the duty they are supposed to perform, and strive to satisfy God’s intentions. This manifests itself in several ways: One is accepting your duty with an honest heart, not considering your fleshly interests, not being half-hearted about it, and not plotting for your own benefit. Those are manifestations of honesty. Another is putting all your heart and strength into performing your duty well, doing things properly, and putting your heart and love into your duty to satisfy God. These are the manifestations an honest person should have while performing their duty” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “There is no correlation between the duty of man and whether he receives blessings or suffers misfortune. Duty is what man ought to fulfill; it is his heaven-sent vocation, and should not depend on recompense, conditions, or reasons. Only then is he doing his duty. … You should not do your duty only to receive blessings, and you should not refuse to act for fear of suffering misfortune” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Difference Between the Ministry of God Incarnate and the Duty of Man). God says that honest people can submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and can put their heart and strength into doing their duty well. They do not scheme for themselves, or consider the gains and losses to their own interests. Moreover, duty is a responsibility that we are honor-bound not to shirk, and has nothing whatsoever to do with what blessings we receive or what misfortunes we suffer. We should not refuse duty because we are afraid of misfortune, nor should we accept duty for the sake of blessings. It is perfectly natural and justified that people should fulfill their duties. After understanding this, I knew how to treat my duty. Although my caliber and work capability are average, I can seek more about things I don’t understand while doing my duty, and, within the scope of my own caliber and abilities, do my best to fulfill the duty I ought to fulfill. This is the attitude I should have. Although I haven’t achieved much entry or changes yet, through this revelation I have gained some understanding of the mistaken perspectives behind my pursuit in my belief in God, have learned how to do my duty well to show consideration for God’s intentions, and I am willing to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. I am very grateful to God for these changes and understandings.
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