When I Was 20
By Liu Xiao, China
When I was 20, I was arrested by the police for believing in God and tortured. I will never forget that experience. It was a day in June, after 7 in the morning, when I was at a meeting with three other sisters in the bedroom of an older sister’s home. Suddenly, I heard my older sister say loudly in the living room, “Who are you? What do you want?” A man’s voice said, “We are the police, and we are here to search your house!” I was terrified when I heard that, and my heart started pounding, so I hurriedly locked the bedroom door and hid the books of God’s word. I prayed over and over to God in my heart, asking for Him to protect my heart and give me courage and wisdom so that I could stand witness. After I prayed, I thought of how God’s word says, “You should not be afraid of this and that; no matter how many difficulties and dangers you might face, you are capable of remaining steady before Me, unobstructed by any hindrance, so that My will may be carried out unimpeded. This is your duty; … Be not afraid; with My support, who could ever block this road?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 10). God’s word gave me courage and faith. God is omnipotent, and with God as my backing, what did I have to fear? I felt that God was with me, and I gradually calmed down. After that, the police started kicking our door, and before long, they had kicked a huge hole in the door. Several police officers charged in and took us to the living room, The living room was a complete mess, and there were many books of God’s word laid out on the floor. I felt both angry and resentful. These police broke into our house like thugs and rummaged through everything. It was lawless tyranny!
When we arrived at the police station, the police interrogated us separately. There were five or six male police in the interrogation room, all large, hulking, and vicious-looking men. One of them held an iron rod three to four centimeters thick and half a meter long. He flashed a sinister smile and said, “We have already been watching you for a long time. Who preached belief into you? Where did you get these books of God’s word?” When I didn’t answer him, he laughed and said, “Not talking? Fine, then I won’t hit you for now. I’ll soften you up a bit first. I’ll make you utterly miserable.” Then he made me assume the horse stance. When he thought my posture was incorrect, he delivered a hard kick to my legs. When he saw that my arms were drooping, he hit my arms with the metal rod. Before long, I couldn’t hold my arms up anymore, my legs were very sore, and my body started to shake. He ordered me to remain in a half squat while leaning against a metal cabinet. After squatting for 10 minutes or so, I really couldn’t hold my position, and I fell limp on the ground. Two of the police picked me up and ordered me to continue squatting, and then continued to question me. I didn’t say anything, so one of them grabbed my hair and pressed me against the metal cabinet, yanking out two locks of my hair in the process. Another officer holding an electric baton switched it on and off occasionally. I could hear the crackle of electricity in the air. He threatened me by saying, “Listen here, This thing hurts when it’s powered up, and the shock can cook meat. If you don’t start talking, I’ll use this electric baton on you!” I thought to myself: “These police are capable of anything. If he really used the electric baton on me, would I be able to bear it?” The more I thought, the more frightened I was. I prayed to God to ask Him to guide me, and then I remembered that the said, “Fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear Him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28). Then I understood, Satan can only destroy my body, not my soul. Even if I was tortured to death by the police, it was only physical death. My soul was in God’s hands, If I cared only for my flesh, I would live a meaningless, ignoble life and become a Judas, and in the end, my spirit, soul, and body would be destroyed and punished. I also thought of how God controls everything and is the master of all things. Without God’s permission, Satan wouldn’t dare take my life. Just like when Satan tempted Job, without God’s permission, Satan didn’t dare to kill Job. Thinking of those things made me feel less afraid. I made up my mind that even if I was electrocuted to death, I wouldn’t betray God or my brothers and sisters. So, I told them I didn’t know anything. He angrily raised the electric baton and shocked me with it. Unexpectedly, the electric baton suddenly had no power. Confused, he said, “Why is there no power? There was power just now!” In my heart, I thanked God over and over. When the police saw that this trick didn’t work, they decided to try another. Several police officers held me down and burned my arms with cigarette butts. I screamed in pain, but their hold was firm, and I couldn’t move. I felt especially miserable and helpless in that moment. I thought, “Right at the start of the interrogation, they have already used many different methods to torture me. If this continues, will I be able to bear it?” At that moment, I remembered a , “I’ll offer up my love and loyalty to God and complete my mission to glorify Him. I’m determined to stand firm in my testimony to God, and never give in to Satan. Though our heads may break and our blood may flow, the backbones of God’s people can't be bent. With God’s exhortations strapped to my heart, I determine to humiliate Satan the devil. Pain and hardships are predestined by God. I will be faithful and obedient to Him unto death. I will never again cause God to weep and never again cause Him to worry. …” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs, I Wish to See the Day of God’s Glory). This immediately gave me confidence and strength. Even though I was arrested and tortured by the police, I couldn’t give in to Satan just because of physical suffering. So, I held back my tears and didn’t tell them anything.
One of the police kept pressing me with questions. “What’s your duty? Who’s your leader? Where’s the donation money?” I told him I didn’t know. He was so angry that he picked up his phone and hit both sides of my face, over and over, shouting at me as he did, “Will you tell me now? How about now!” … I don’t know how many times he hit me, but my face felt bruised and swollen, and was about to go numb. One of the police next to him said, “Using a phone is too light. Watch this.” As he said that, he picked up the metal rod and was about to hit me, but one of the other police stopped him, and then hypocritically said to me, “You’d better just answer us. Will you be able to take it if he hits you with that metal rod?” I didn’t answer, so the officer with the rod, with all his force, raised the rod and viciously hit my waist and legs several times, causing me to scream out in pain. They were afraid my screams would startle others, so they forced me to take off my socks and shoved them in my mouth, and then continued to beat my buttocks with the metal rod. When I subconsciously tried to dodge, three police officers suddenly charged over. One held my head, one held my back, and one held my legs as they continued to beat me. I felt horrendous pain with each blow. After 7-8 more blows, they held me up and asked me again, “Who is your leader? Where is the donation money?” I didn’t answer, so they held me down on the bed and continued to beat me. Before long, I could feel that one side of my buttocks was very swollen. They questioned me like this over and over, and soon, I couldn’t bear it anymore. I thought, “How much longer will this torture and beating last? Will they actually torture me to death?” I felt very weak, so I prayed over and over to God, “God! I’m afraid I can’t stand this torture from the police. Please give me confidence and strength, and guide me so that I can stand firm in my testimony.” After I prayed, I remembered a line from God’s word, “When people are ready to sacrifice their lives, everything becomes trifling, and no one can get the better of them. What could be more important than life?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Interpretations of the Mysteries ofto the Entire Universe, Chapter 36). I understood that I felt weak because I was afraid of death. Satan had found my weakness and was using torture to force me to betray God. I couldn’t allow it to trick me. No matter whether I lived or died that day, I had to obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements. Even if it killed me, I would not betray God or my brothers and sisters. When I made my decision to put my life on the line, it wasn’t so painful anymore. The police realized they couldn’t get the results they wanted from me, so they brought in a younger sister, held me down on the bed and beat me while forcing her to watch, and then took me out of the room. From outside, I could hear the sister’s screams, and tears started to flow down my face. I felt a deep sense of resentment rise. These police were unbelievably vicious. First they tortured me, and now they were doing the same thing to my sister. In my heart, I prayed silently for her to ask God to guide her so that she could overcome the police’s torture and stand firm in her testimony.
At that point, one of the police brought me bread and a drink they had bought, and then said in an appeasing tone, “I imagine you’re in a great deal of pain. Why do this to yourself? Tell us what you know, and you won’t have to suffer. I know you believers in God don’t actually do anything bad, but this is just what happens in China. If the Communist Party says you can’t believe in God, you can’t.” I ignored him and thought to myself, “No matter what you say, I won’t sell out my brothers and sisters or betray God.” After a while, the sister was brought out. I saw that her hair was a mess and she was struggling to walk, clear signs that she was tortured and beaten by the police, and I felt heartbreak and resentment. Then they called my name again, and I felt a lump in my throat. I didn’t know what torture they had planned for me this time. The injuries just suffered were serious, and it hurt when I moved. When would my suffering end? When I entered the interrogation room, an officer picked up the metal rod and was about to beat me, but the one who bought me water and bread said he wanted to say a few words to me alone. He took me out of the room and said to me, “You understand the situation here now. If you still won’t talk, they’ll have to beat you again. Do you really want the beating to continue?” At the time, it seemed to me like he was saying it for my own good. I thought, “Maybe I should just tell them something unimportant. As long as I get muddle through this, I won’t have to be beaten again.” At that moment, I thought of God’s words, “At all times, My people should be on guard against the cunning schemes of Satan, … so as to avoid falling into Satan’s trap, at which time it would be too late for regrets” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 3). God’s word reminded me, and I realized this police officer was only pretending to care about me. He wasn’t really trying to help me. He wanted to trick me into selling out my brothers and sisters and betraying God. I recalled that previously, he was the one who hit me with his phone, and then, when the other officer was beating me with the metal rod, he also helped hold me down. But now, to appease me, he bought me things to eat and said a few things that sounded kind. It was so insidious, and I nearly fell for it. When he saw that I wasn’t talking, he asked me, “Is the beating you’ll take for your silence really worth it?” Firmly, I said, “Yes! I will never sell out my brothers and sisters or betray God.” When he saw my determination, he said viciously, “It looks like the easy way won’t work on you!” After we entered the room, the police continued to ask me about the church and who the leaders were, but I still didn’t say anything. One of the police lost his temper, picked up the metal rod and beat my injured buttock furiously several times. Each blow felt like pouring salt on an open wound, and I couldn’t help but scream. Another officer threatened me, “Soon we’ll find a few live wires and electrocute you, and then we’ll see if you talk!” As he spoke, he suddenly grabbed my collar and shoved me to the corner, where he slapped my face hard and didn’t stop until he was tired and sweaty. I felt an intense, stinging pain in my face, and I was dizzy and so nauseous I wanted to vomit. Then, he brought in a metal helmet and put it on my head and used the metal rod to hit the helmet violently. As he continued to hit the helmet, he mocked me, saying, “Does that feel good? I’ll make sure the sound in your ears is all you hear for the rest of your life!” The ringing in my ears wouldn’t stop, and it was incredibly painful. After a few minutes, I felt dizzy and unable to breathe. Then they put the helmet on my head backward. I couldn’t see anything, but I heard them jump up and kick the helmet, and I fell heavily to the ground. They picked me up and kicked the helmet again, and I again fell to the ground. Each kick was harder than the last, and every time I fell to the ground, the pain from my wounded buttock ripped through me. They kicked me until they were exhausted. After a moment, they told me to assume the horse stance while wearing the helmet. My head was spinning, and I was dizzy. I was barely able to stand. They ordered me to stretch my arms out straight and put two glasses of water on my arms. My legs and arms were so sore, and my legs trembled constantly, so I couldn’t support them at all. Each time they saw my posture slip, they kicked my legs. After that, a few of the police held me down on the sofa, and another took the metal rod and hit my lower back and buttocks with it. Another of the police said, “Just hit her hard on the same part of her body. Before long she won’t be able to bear the pain, and she’ll crack.” Every time he hit me, I felt searing pain, and I couldn’t help but scream, so they stuffed a rag in my mouth. Faced with this endless torture by the police, I felt terrified and helpless, and I couldn’t help but call out to God in my heart, “God! I’m afraid I can’t bear it. Please give me faith, and guide me so that I can experience this environment.” After I prayed, I thought of God’s words, “Faith is like a single log bridge: Those who cling abjectly to life will have difficulty in crossing it, but those who are ready to sacrifice themselves can pass over, sure of foot and worry-free. If man harbors timid and fearful thoughts, it is because Satan has fooled them, afraid that we will cross the bridge of faith to enter into God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 6). I contemplated God’s words, and then I understood that because of my fear of pain and suffering, I wanted nothing more than to escape this environment, and I had been fooled by Satan. My life was in God’s hands, and without God’s permission, Satan couldn’t do anything to me, and then I was no longer afraid.
After dinner, they took me to the office of the deputy chief of the police station. The deputy chief smiled and told me, “Xiao Zhao, who was arrested with you, has already confessed, we will send her home right now. If you confess, I will have dinner prepared for you right away, and then I’ll buy you a train ticket and let you go home with her. What do you think? I’ll give you a few minutes to think about it. If you don’t say anything, you’ll have to go right back to where you were, and I can’t control how they beat you and torture you.” I thought, “If I don’t answer their questions, they will continue to torture me, and they still might sentence me …” The more I thought, the more sorrow I felt. I knew that I was far from God, so I called God over and over again in my heart, “God, I’m afraid of being sentenced to prison, so please give me the will to suffer and guide me in overcoming the weakness of the flesh.” After I prayed, I thought of a hymn of God’s word, “You are a created being—you should of courseand pursue a life of meaning. Since you are a human being, you should expend yourself for God and endure all suffering! You should gladly and assuredly accept the little suffering you are subjected to today and live a meaningful life, like Job and Peter. You are people who pursue the right path, those who seek improvement. You are people who rise up in the nation of the great red dragon, those whom God calls righteous. Is that not the most meaningful life?” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs, The Most Meaningful Life). I contemplated God’s words, and then I understood that I was arrested and tortured for believing in God, and I might even go to prison, and this was suffering persecution for the sake of righteousness. My suffering was meaningful, and would win God’s approval. I couldn’t betray God simply because my flesh was suffering. I would rather go to prison than sell out my brothers and sisters. From then on, no matter how he tried to deceive me, I didn’t say anything. He shook his head in frustration. Another policeman picked up the metal rod and started hitting me on the waist and buttocks again. The pain from each blow spread throughout my entire body, and it was nearly unbearable. I started to hate the demon that is the Communist Party even more, and no matter how he beat me, I gritted my teeth and made up my mind that I would stand testimony for God. It was already very late, and when the deputy chief of the station saw they wouldn’t get any information from me, he left. Later, the policeman who bought me bread said, “Still not talking? Then I won’t sleep tonight. I’ll make you properly miserable. I promise I’ll pry open that mouth of yours!” He brought in a ruler that was 30-40 cm long, grabbed one of my hands with his, and then viciously beat my palm with the ruler. With each strike, I felt a burning pain in my palm, and I frantically pulled back to dodge the blows, but his grip was firm, and he continued to hit my palms until both of my hands were swollen. Then, he picked up the metal rod and hit my buttocks again. Each time the rod hit me, that horrendous pain ripped through me. It hurt so much I was sweating, and I couldn’t help but scream. He said angrily, “We’ve tried so many things on you, and you still won’t talk. What exactly will make you betray God? Tell me, is it death? Or more pain?”
When he saw I still wasn’t saying anything, he said furiously to me, “I still have plenty of things to try on you. Let’s see who outlasts who!” After that, he put on a padded jacket, set the air conditioner to the lowest setting, ordered me to do the horse stance in front of the air conditioner. and then occasionally poured water on my head and body. I was soaked and trembling from the cold. I put my hands down and rubbed my arms, hoping to get warm, and when he saw it, he hit my arms with the metal rod and ordered me to keep them stretched out. After a while, he told me to split my legs as far apart as they go, and then ordered me to take off my clothes and pants, leaving only my underwear and stand in the water barefoot. When I refused to take them off, he said sharply, “Take them off! Don’t make me do it for you!” I had no choice. I felt especially humiliated, and the insult of it made me cry. Then, he switched the temperature on the water dispenser to the coldest and continually doused me with the water. I was trembling all over, constantly, from the cold, and my knee joints started to hurt. As he poured me with water, he said, “Comfortable? I want you to ‘enjoy’ tonight!” After a few hours, it was hard to breathe, my heart was uncomfortable, and my whole body was purple with cold. Faced with this inhuman torture, I felt very weak. At only 20, was I going to die? I prayed to God in my heart, “God! I really can’t bear the torture of the police, and I feel very weak. Please guide me to understand Your will.” After I prayed, I thought of a passage of God’s word, “Perhaps you all remember these words: ‘For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.’ You have all heard these words before, yet none of you understood their true meaning. Today, you are profoundly aware of their true significance. These words shall be fulfilled by God during the last days, and they shall be fulfilled in those who have been brutally persecuted by the great red dragon in the land where it lies coiled. The great red dragon persecutes God and is the enemy of God, and so, in this land, those who believe in God are thus subjected to humiliation and oppression, and these words are fulfilled in you, this group of people, as a result. Because it is embarked upon in a land that opposes God, all of God’s work faces tremendous obstacles, and accomplishing many of His words takes time; thus, people are refined as a result of God’s words, which is also part of suffering. It is tremendously difficult for God to carry out His work in the land of the great red dragon—but it is through this difficulty that God does one stage of His work, making manifest His wisdom and His wondrous deeds, and using this opportunity to make this group of people complete” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Is the Work of God As Simple As Man Imagines?). The great red dragon hates and resists God more than anything, and I was born in the country of the great red dragon. Believers in God inevitably suffer the persecution and cruelty of the Communist Party, but God uses this persecution and adversity to perfect our faith. I then thought of how in the past, before I was arrested and persecuted, I felt very confident in my faith and was willing to forsake and expend for God, but now I knew that wasn’t genuine faith, it was just momentary resolve. It couldn’t be called testimony, and it wouldn’t convince Satan. Now, when persecution, suffering, and torture came, if I could stand testimony and not submit to Satan, only this is genuine faith. I thought of how, in many of the testimony articles I read in the past, many brothers and sisters were arrested, and the torture they endured was much worse than mine, but they didn’t give in to Satan. Through prayer, relying on God, and genuine faith in God they produced resounding testimony, so now I had to rely on God, and stand testimony for Him. Once I realized that, I found strength.
At noon, I was taken to the detention house, There, the police threatened me, “Soon, we’ll take you to the hospital for a checkup, and you can’t tell them we caused the injuries on your body. Just say you insisted on coming to this city, your parents disagreed, and they were the ones who hit you. If you dare to tell the truth, I have a lot worse in store for you!” After hearing what he said, I was furious. These police were so shameless that they even asked me to tell lies! During the physical examination, the doctor said that my heart was beating very slowly. He also saw that my palms and face were red and swollen, that my buttocks were very swollen, purple and black, and that there were bruises all over my thighs. He asked me in surprise, “How did you get these injuries?” I glanced at the policeman next to me, and I could only say helplessly, “I was careless and I fell.” When I returned to the detention house, my buttocks and thighs were severely injured. I didn’t dare to lay flat at night to sleep, and when I sat, I had to support myself with my hands while I eased myself down. When I bathed, if I accidentally touched the injured area, my whole body went numb with pain. A doctor who was imprisoned in the same cell told me, “These policemen were too ruthless. The injuries on you will take more than a month to heal.” Unexpectedly, after just over ten days, my injuries didn’t hurt much, and I couldn’t help but thank God for it.
In my two months or so in the detention house, the police arraigned me about ten times, and when they saw I still wouldn’t say anything, they tried to force me to sign the “three letters,” these being a letter of guarantee that I wouldn’t believe in God, a letter of repentance, and a letter of severance. I refused to sign, so they threatened me, saying, “If you don’t sign, you will be sentenced to years in prison. Don’t even imagine you’ll get out.” I thought of the long, endless time I’d have to spend in prison, of a life without even someone to confide in, of the heavy labor I’d have to do every day, and the beatings, abuse, and bullying I would have to endure from the guards and inmates … How would I be able to stand such a life? The more I thought about it, the more afraid I felt, and I couldn’t help but pray to God, “God! The thought of that dark life in prison is horrible torment, so I beg you to guide me so that I have the faith to experience the environment that awaits me.” After I prayed, I remembered God’s words, “The utmost faith and love are required from us in this stage of work. We may stumble from the slightest carelessness, for this stage of work is different from all the previous ones: What God is perfecting is mankind’s faith, which is both invisible and intangible. What God does is convert words to faith, to love, and to life” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Path … (8)). I considered God’s words, and then I understood. Regardless of whether I understood God’s will during my trial, I had to have faith in God. I thought of how, since I was arrested, although I had endured some torture at the hands of the police, I actually saw God’s protection for me. I could never have overcome the police’s cruel torment on my own. I was able to because at each step, I had God’s silent guidance and protection. I also understood that God was using this environment to perfect my faith, and that even if I was sentenced and sent to prison, that would also contain God’s will. I had to obey it, rely on God to experience it, and trust that God would guide me. So, I firmly told him, “I won’t sign!” He sighed, helpless, and pointed to me, saying, “There’s really no hope for you.” Then he left, looking dejected.
One morning in September, the police brought in my aunt and uncle. When they saw me handcuffed to a metal chair, in tears my aunt said, “Silly girl, how did you get through so many days here? We looked for you everywhere. Your uncle has been so anxious that his eyes are swelling up, and he can barely see now. Just sign the pledge to stop believing in God, and I’ll take you home. You don’t have to suffer here. The police officer said, as long as you sign this pledge, they will give you a bail pending trial, and you can come home.” The police officer next to me said, “Look at how well your aunt and uncle treat you, how much they worry about you. Do what they ask, sign the letter and go home with them.” I looked at my uncle, his gray hair, his haggard face, his muddy eyes that were swollen shut, and the tears flowing down his face as he looked at me. At that moment, I couldn’t stop my own tears from flowing, and I felt miserable. I realized that because I had been arrested, they worried about me so much that they drove overnight to come all the way to visit me. My uncle had always treated me like his own daughter, but now he was old and in bad health. I had never done anything for him, and had made him worry about me so much. I felt deeply sorry for doing this to him. Seeing my aunt and uncle crying and in such grief was heartbreaking. The defenses in my heart broke down completely. I felt I owed them. I thought, “Should I really sign the letter and go home with them?” I saw that there was nothing blaspheming God in the pledge letter, so signing it shouldn’t be that serious. If I signed it and went home with them, I could also save them from any further worry and misery. But if I signed it, it would mean denying and betraying God … As I was struggling in my mind, my aunt sobbed and said, “Silly girl, please just listen to me and sign it!” I saw the hope in my uncle’s and aunt’s expectant eyes and thought I couldn’t let them worry or feel sad on my behalf again. For that reason, I put my signature on the pledge letter. The moment I signed, my heart immediately felt empty, and only then did I come to my senses: Why did I sign the pledge letter? Wasn’t I betraying God by doing that? God would never want someone like me again, so didn’t that mean my life of believing in God was over? My mind was completely blank at the time. I didn’t remember how I returned to my cell. During that time, whenever I thought about signing the pledge letter, I felt an immense sense of regret and remorse, and I couldn’t stop crying. It felt like my world had ended. I recalled a passage of God’s word, “Toward those who showed Me not the slightest loyalty during times of tribulation, I shall be merciful no more, for My mercy only extends so far. I have no liking, furthermore, for anyone who has once betrayed Me, much less do I like to associate with those who sell out the interests of their friends. This is My disposition, regardless of who the person may be. I must tell you this: Anyone who breaks My heart shall not receive clemency from Me a second time, and anyone who has been faithful to Me shall forever remain in My heart” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). God’s righteous disposition cannot be offended. I thought about how I had experienced this trial and how I had signed the pledge to stop believing in God. I realized this was denying and betraying God before Satan, and all that was left for me was a stain that could never be erased. I hated myself for not having a place for God in my heart, and for not seeking God’s will when my trial came. If I had prayed to seek more at the time, I wouldn’t have been fooled by Satan. During that period, I lived in a state of self-blame, and I reflected on myself about why I had betrayed God. It was because my aunt and uncle treated me well. I didn’t want to make them worry to feel like I owed them. I was living a life completely trapped in my own emotions. Actually, it was the police who had called my aunt and uncle there. They used my feelings for my family to lure me into betraying God, and because my feelings were too strong and I lacked discernment, I fell for Satan’s trick and actually did betray God. I was such a fool. The more I thought about it, the more I regretted and blamed myself. I thought, if I had another chance, I would never deny God, and I would never sign the letter.
After that, my cousin gave the police many valuable health supplements, such as ginseng and deer antler, gave the police another 2,000 yuan, and my uncle paid a further 5,000 yuan as a deposit before the police finally granted me bail. As I did the bail procedures, the police asked me to unlock the computer they seized. They said if I didn’t, I would still have to go to jail. My brother and the rest of the family also advised me to cooperate. I thought, “Church information is on the computer, and if the police find it, it will definitely harm church work. I’ve already lost one chance to stand testimony, so I need to refuse to do anything else that betrays God.” I told the police that I didn’t know the password. The police didn’t give up. They pressed me time and again, asking me to turn the computer on first and then try to remember the password, but miraculously, the computer wouldn’t turn on. The police called a technician on the phone to ask why, and they said it might be because the hard drive was damaged. He said helplessly, “Go to the office to pay the money and finish bail procedures.” After seeing all this, I recalled something God said, “Any and all things, whether living or dead, will shift, change, renew, and disappear in accordance with God’s thoughts. Such is the way in which God presides over all things” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God Is the Source of Man’s Life). I truly felt that God’s authority is everywhere, and that everything is truly in God’s hands. I saw that God was actually by my side, watching over and guiding me, and my heart was filled with thanks and praise for God!
Later, for the crime of “organizing and using cult organizations to undermine the implementation of the law,” the Communist Party sentenced me to 1.5 years’ imprisonment with a 1.5 year reprieve. I was afraid that contact with my brothers and sisters would bring them danger, so I just secretly read God’s word at home. Although the Communist Party had limited my personal freedom, they couldn’t limit my desire to follow God. This unforgettable experience allowed me to clearly see the Communist Party’s demonic essence of hating the truth and resisting God, and I was able to completely forsake and reject it. I was also able to feel the authority and power of God’s words. There were so many times I was unable to bear the cruel torment of the flesh. It was God’s words that gave me faith and strength, and guided me time and again to overcome the torture. I truly felt that God is the only One I could rely on. After experiencing persecution and adversity, I also saw that my stature was too small. Because I didn’t understand the truth, and couldn’t see the essence of my emotions clearly, I followed my family and signed the pledge letter, but God did not eliminate me for my transgression, and instead gave me another chance to repent. He used His words to enlighten and guide me, and I felt His love and mercy for me, which made me even more determined to pursue the truth. Perhaps one day, I will be arrested again by the Communist Party, but I am willing to rely on God to bear resounding testimony for God to satisfy Him!