By Xin Chun, China

In March 2024, the supervisor came to summarize problems and talk about the work with us. When we discussed a sermon together, I was the first to express my opinion, but I said the wrong thing, and then expressed two opinions in a row that were still wrong. This made me feel very embarrassed, and I felt so ashamed to have made so many mistakes in my first interaction with the supervisor. The sister I was working with was able to spot some problems even though she had just started to do this duty, but I had been training for a long time and still saw things incorrectly. Would the supervisor think that my caliber wasn’t as good as the newly-arrived sister? I decided that I wouldn’t be so quick to express my opinion next time. I would hold back until everyone else had spoken and then share, which would be safer. The next day, when we were reading a sermon, I pondered it carefully and found some problems. However, I wasn’t sure if I was viewing them accurately or not, and thought to myself, “This time I need to be smart. I’ll listen to how others assess it first and see if the problems I found actually exist. Then, when I share, I will combine everyone’s viewpoints. Doing this is more reliable, and also will make everyone think that I can spot problems, have caliber, am perceptive, and am not that bad.” But time dragged on, and no one said anything. I saw from the corner of my eye that they were still deep in thought, and I started to ponder, “Although it’s been quite a long time now, I can’t be the first to speak up. It would be so embarrassing if I said something wrong again.” So, I pretended to be thinking about the problem earnestly. Only after a long time did some sisters start to talk. After everyone else finished sharing their opinions, I combined their opinions with my own and discussed them together. I was very nervous when I spoke, afraid that my opinion would be wrong and I would lose face again. Later, the supervisor’s analysis basically aligned with my opinion. I was secretly happy in my heart, and felt that I had managed to salvage some pride. But after two days, the supervisor noticed that we were not active in expressing our opinions when discussing the sermons; we always procrastinated and took a long time over it, delaying the work. She exposed our problems. I thought about how I had been doing this duty for a long time and was the team leader. I should have actively fellowshipped and led everyone in the discussion, but I didn’t do this. Wasn’t I wasting time and delaying the work? Later, when we discussed sermons again, I actively participated and enthusiastically shared my opinions, discussing all the problems I spotted. However, because I hadn’t reflected on or gained an understanding of my corrupt disposition, when I couldn’t penetrate some problems during the sermon discussions, and my comments were one-sided and inaccurate, I felt really embarrassed, and started to become passive again, holding back until I was the very last to speak. I also became more and more afraid of discussing sermons, always afraid that my deficiencies would be exposed. Every time I expressed my opinion, it felt like I was facing a firing squad, and I even thought that I didn’t want to do this duty.

One day, when we were discussing problems in the sermons, the supervisor called on me by name to speak first. I didn’t say anything, and the supervisor reproached me, saying, “You are the team leader. Why do you never take the initiative to fellowship? Don’t you have any opinions or are you being constrained by your corrupt disposition?” I was so stunned at the time that I couldn’t react immediately. After pondering for a while, I finally realized that I didn’t express my opinion first because I was afraid of making a mistake and embarrassing myself, and afraid of others seeing my caliber clearly. Afterward, the supervisor found God’s words for us to read. God says: “If, having made a mistake, you can treat it correctly, and can allow everyone else to talk about it, permitting their commentary and discernment about it, and you can open up about it and dissect it, what will everyone’s opinion of you be? They will say you are an honest person, for your heart is open to God. Through your actions and behavior, they will be able to see your heart. But if you try to disguise yourself and deceive everyone, people will think little of you, and say you are a fool and an unwise person. If you do not try to put on a pretense or justify yourself, if you can admit your mistakes, everyone will say you are honest and wise. And what makes you wise? Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has faults and flaws. And actually, everyone has the same corrupt disposition. Do not think yourself more noble, perfect, and kind than others; that is being utterly unreasonable. Once people’s corrupt dispositions and the essence and true face of their corruption are clear to you, you will not try to cover up your own mistakes, nor will you hold other people’s mistakes against them—you will be able to face both correctly. Only then will you become insightful and not do foolish things, which will make you wise. Those who are not wise are foolish people, and they always dwell on their minor mistakes while sneaking around behind the scenes. It is disgusting to witness. In fact, what you are doing is immediately obvious to other people, yet you are still blatantly putting on a show. To others, it has the appearance of a clownish performance. Is this not foolish? It really is” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). The supervisor fellowshipped, saying, “God requires us to consider the interests of God’s house when we do our duties. For example, when we discuss sermons together, we should take the initiative to speak up about as many problems as we spot, open up simple-heartedly, and learn from each other’s strengths to make up for our weaknesses. Even if we don’t discuss them as thoroughly and completely as others, at least our hearts are in the right place, and we are practicing the truth in this process. If we constantly cover up and disguise ourselves, protecting and considering our personal interests, God doesn’t like people who do this. Actually, everyone has been working together for a while now, and we all understand each other. If when we make mistakes we just keep on covering them up or disguising ourselves, thinking that if we stay silent others won’t spot our deficiencies, that is very foolish. Not only will you fail to make any progress in understanding the truth principle, you will also hinder the performance of your duty. If this continues for a long time, you will lose the work of the Holy Spirit.” When I heard the supervisor’s fellowship, my face burned with embarrassment, and I felt pierced to the heart. I had been doing my duty in this team for a long time, and no matter how many problems I could spot, I should simple-heartedly open up and talk about them, leading everyone in an active discussion. This is being considerate of the work and a manifestation of practicing the truth. However, I only considered my own pride, and couldn’t treat my own shortcomings correctly. I thought that expressing my own opinions and ideas first would expose my deficiencies, which would make it look like I had poor caliber. Therefore, I waited until everyone else had finished expressing their opinions before combining them with my own understanding. This way, I could be more comprehensive and specific, so that people would admire me and I would look good. As a team leader, I didn’t consider the work, and felt ashamed when I made mistakes, so I tried every possible way to cover them up and disguise myself so that no one would see through me. As a result, I just waited there passively while the problems were discussed. This wasted time and slowed down the progress of the team’s work. I wasn’t doing my duty at all. Instead, I was using the opportunity of discussing sermons to show myself off and make others admire me. I was always the last one to express my opinion. Although I looked at problems more comprehensively and showed off my own insights, I couldn’t discover my own shortcomings, and even thought I was good at assessing problems. Actually, everyone knew what my caliber is like, but I was just like a clown, applauding my own performance. I really was too foolish!

At night, I came before God and prayed, “Dear God, today the supervisor said that I was very passive in discussing sermons, which wasted time and delayed the progress of the work. I feel very uncomfortable at heart, and realize that I have constantly been living amidst pride and status during this period. However, I still have no understanding of my corruption. I beg You to lead me to reflect on my problems.” After praying, I suddenly remembered a passage of God’s words that I had read before, and looked it up to ponder. God says: “Some people speak infrequently because of poor caliber or simple-mindedness, a lack of complex thoughts, but when antichrists speak infrequently, it’s not for the same reason; it’s a problem of disposition. They rarely speak when meeting others and don’t readily express their views on matters. Why don’t they express their views? Firstly, they certainly lack the truth and can’t see through things. If they speak, they might make mistakes and be seen through themselves; they fear being looked down upon, so they pretend to be silent and feign profundity, making it hard for others to gauge them, appearing wise and distinguished. With this facade, people dare not underestimate the antichrist, and seeing their seemingly calm and composed exterior, they hold them in even higher regard and dare not slight them. This is the devious and wicked aspect of antichrists. They don’t readily express their views because most of their views are not in line with the truth, but are merely human notions and imaginings, not worthy of being brought out into the open. So, they remain silent. Inside they hope to obtain some light which they can release to gain admiration, but since they lack this, they stay quiet and hidden during fellowship of the truth, lurking in the shadows like a ghost waiting for an opportunity. When they find others speaking forth the light, they figure out ways to make it their own, expressing it in another manner to show off. This is how cunning antichrists are. No matter what they do, they strive to stand out and be superior, as only then do they feel pleased. If they don’t have the opportunity, they first lie low, and keep their views to themselves. This is the cunningness of antichrists. For example, when a sermon is issued by God’s house, some people say it seems like God’s words, and others think it seems more like a fellowship from the Above. Relatively simple-hearted people speak what’s on their mind, but antichrists, even if they have an opinion about this, keep it hidden. They observe and are prepared to follow the majority view, but in actuality they can’t thoroughly grasp it themselves. Can such slick and crafty people understand the truth or have real discernment? What can someone who doesn’t understand the truth see through? They can’t see through anything. Some people can’t see through things yet pretend to be profound; actually, they lack discernment and fear others will see through them. The correct attitude in such situations is: ‘We can’t see through this matter. Since we don’t know, we shouldn’t speak carelessly. Speaking incorrectly can have a negative impact. I will wait and see what the Above says.’ Isn’t that speaking honestly? It’s such simple language, and yet why don’t antichrists say it? They don’t want to be seen through, knowing their own limitations; but behind this there is also a despicable intention—to be admired. Isn’t this what’s most disgusting?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Six). God has exposed that antichrists are cunning and devious. When they habitually don’t speak much, it is not because they are simple-minded and don’t have ideas. Instead, it is because they simply don’t have the truth and cannot see through things. However, they pretend to be profound so they don’t reveal their own deficiencies. They wait for an opportunity to steal other people’s ideas and insights to put themselves on display and show off. Their nature is too wicked! My state was exactly what God exposed. When I saw that I was revealing so many deficiencies despite doing text-based duties for a long time, I worried that my brothers and sisters would look down on me and was afraid of making more mistakes and embarrassing myself again. Therefore, when discussing problems, I didn’t fellowship about my own opinions even when I clearly had some, and even pretended to be pondering earnestly, deliberately delaying until I was last and could combine everyone’s opinions. That way, even if the opinion I expressed was wrong, then everyone else would be wrong too and I wouldn’t lose face. If I was correct, then what I said would be better and more complete than what my sisters said. This would show everyone that though I am young, I have caliber and can assess problems, and would make myself look good. In fact, I don’t view problems comprehensively, and my caliber is poor, but I still couldn’t face this honestly. I constantly wanted to disguise myself as someone who had good caliber and could assess problems to trick and mislead people. I truly was so wicked and deceitful! What I had revealed was the disposition of an antichrist, which incurs God’s loathing and revulsion.

During my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words: “When family elders often tell you that ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,’ it is to make you attach importance to having a good reputation, living a proud life, and not doing things that heap disgrace upon you. So does this saying guide people in a positive or negative way? Can it lead you to the truth? Can it lead you to understand the truth? (No, it cannot.) You can say with all certainty, ‘No, it cannot!’ Think about it, God says that people should comport themselves as honest people. When you have transgressed, or done something wrong, or done something that rebels against God and goes against the truth, you need to admit your mistake, gain an understanding of yourself, and keep dissecting yourself in order to achieve true repentance, and thereafter act in accordance with God’s words. So, if people are to comport themselves as honest people, does that conflict with the saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark’? (Yes.) How does it conflict? The saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark’ is intended to make people attach importance to living out their bright and colorful side and doing more things that make them look good—rather than doing things that are bad or dishonorable, or exposing their ugly side—and to prevent them from living without pride or dignity. For the sake of one’s reputation, for the sake of pride and honor, one cannot rubbish everything about oneself, let alone tell others about one’s dark side and shameful aspects, because one must live with pride and dignity. In order to have dignity one needs a good reputation, and to have a good reputation one needs to put up a pretense and dress oneself up. Doesn’t this conflict with comporting oneself as an honest person? (Yes.) When you comport yourself as an honest person, what you are doing is completely at odds with the saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark.’ If you want to comport yourself as an honest person, don’t attach importance to pride; a person’s pride isn’t worth a cent. Faced with the truth, one should expose oneself, not put up a pretense or create a false image. One must reveal to God one’s true thoughts, the mistakes one has made, the aspects that violate the truth principles, and so on, and also lay these things bare to one’s brothers and sisters. It is not a matter of living for the sake of one’s reputation, but rather, it is a matter of living for the sake of comporting oneself as an honest person, living for the sake of pursuing the truth, living for the sake of being a true created being, and living for the sake of satisfying God and being saved. But when you don’t understand this truth, and don’t understand God’s intentions, the things that are conditioned into you by your family tend to dominate. So when you do something wrong, you cover it up and put up a pretense, thinking, ‘I can’t say anything about this, and I won’t allow anyone else who knows about it to say anything either. If any of you say anything, I won’t let you off lightly. My reputation comes first. Living is for nothing if not for the sake of one’s reputation, because it’s more important than anything else. If a person loses their reputation, they lose all their dignity. So you can’t tell it like it is, you have to pretend, you have to cover things up, otherwise you will lose your reputation and dignity, and your life will be worthless. If no one respects you, then you’re just worthless, cheap trash.’ Is it possible to comport yourself as an honest person by practicing this way? Is it possible to be completely open and dissect yourself? (No, it isn’t.) Obviously, by doing this you are adhering to the saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark’ that your family has conditioned into you. However, if you let go of this saying in order to pursue the truth and practice the truth, it will cease to affect you, and it will cease to be your motto or your principle for doing things, and instead what you do will be precisely the opposite of this saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark.’ You won’t be living for the sake of your reputation, nor for the sake of your dignity, but rather, you will be living for the sake of pursuing the truth, and comporting yourself as an honest person, and seeking to satisfy God and live as a true created being. If you adhere to this principle, you will have let go of the conditioning effects that your family exerts on you” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (12)). After reading the words of God, I remembered that my mother taught me since I was a child that “You have to save face in life. You mustn’t casually show your bad side to any outsiders. If you do, people will look down on you.” The satanic poison of “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark” was deeply rooted in my heart. I believed that people had to save face in life, and absolutely must not expose their own deficiencies and shortcomings casually; if they did, they would degrade themselves and lose integrity or dignity. Controlled by these thoughts and opinions, I paid particular attention to saving face when in a group of people, never exposing my own shortcomings and deficiencies casually and even covering up and concealing them for this reason. For example, when I was in school, I paid particular attention to what others thought of me. Even though I clearly didn’t understand some questions very well, I was afraid that I would lose face and be degraded if I asked others, and so even when I couldn’t work them out, I didn’t ask. Now, it was the same when I was doing my duty. Obviously, everyone discusses problems together to exchange our own comprehension and views, and we should talk as much as we understand. This is being an honest person. If everyone opens up simple-heartedly, then the more we fellowship the clearer we become, and we see problems more comprehensively. This is beneficial to the work and can also make up for our deficiencies. However, I was afraid that if I made too many mistakes while doing my duty, it would make me look like I had poor caliber. In order to protect my image, I even struggled to state my opinions; I had to think a sentence over in my mind several times before saying it, afraid that I would embarrass myself if I was not careful. My caliber was clearly lacking, and I couldn’t view problems comprehensively. Yet, I still couldn’t talk about them truthfully. I even wanted to steal other people’s understanding and opinions for myself so that I could achieve my aim of being admired by others. Even when the supervisor asked me to take the lead in fellowshipping, I preferred to waste time and delay the progress rather than fellowship proactively. Every time we discussed sermons, I would think about how to save face, and expressing my opinion was as painful as facing a firing squad. I even thought about abandoning my duty. I valued saving face more than doing my duty and practicing the truth. I saw that living by these satanic poisons had made me particularly selfish and deceitful, always feeling like opening up simple-heartedly would put me at risk of embarrassing myself. I felt that if I said something wrong it was very embarrassing and degrading. However, God doesn’t see it that way. God wants us to be honest people, lay our true thoughts bare, and fellowship about as much as we understand. Only in this way can we conduct ourselves with frankness and live with dignity and integrity. For example, the sister I was cooperating with couldn’t clearly see some problems, but she was able to share her own views and understandings, and to seek and discuss with everyone. The supervisor did not look down on her, but instead led everyone to fellowship and discuss together, learning from each other’s strengths to make up for our weaknesses. The sister I was partnered with also saw her own problems more clearly, and everyone felt that she was honest and simple-hearted. They all approved of and liked such people. But I, on the other hand, constantly covered up my own ideas and opinions to save face when discussing problems, afraid that others would see my deficiencies and look down on me. In fact, everyone was very clear about my caliber. Even if I spoke out and revealed that I had many deficiencies and shortcomings, I would be able to remedy my deficiencies through everyone’s fellowship. This would be a good opportunity for me to understand the truth. However, I always tried to save face and was negative and passive, losing a lot of opportunities like this. I was really harming myself.

Later, I continued to seek regarding my own problems, and a path of practice became clearer. I read the words of God: “To be an honest person, you must first lay your heart bare so that everyone can look into it, see all that you are thinking, and look upon your true face. You must not try to disguise yourself, or cover yourself up. Only then will others trust you and consider you to be an honest person. This is the most fundamental practice, and a prerequisite to being an honest person. If you are always pretending, always feigning holiness, nobility, greatness, and high character; if you do not let people see your corruption and your flaws; if you present a false image to people so that they believe you have integrity, that you’re great, self-denying, just, and selfless—is this not deceitfulness and falsity? Will people not be able to see through you, given time? So, do not put on a disguise or cover yourself up. Instead, lay yourself and your heart bare for others to see. If you can lay your heart bare for others to see, if you can lay bare all your thoughts and plans—both positive and negative—isn’t that honesty? … Is this easy to achieve? It requires a period of training, as well as frequent prayer and reliance on God. You must train yourself to speak the words in your heart simply and openly on all matters. With this kind of training, you can make progress. If you encounter a major difficulty, you must pray to God and seek the truth; you need to fight in your heart and overcome the flesh, until you can practice the truth. In training yourself this way, little by little, your heart will gradually open up. You will become more and more pure, and the effects of your words and actions will be different than before. Your lies and tricks will become fewer and fewer, and you will be able to live before God. You will then, essentially, have become an honest person” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). “Honest people can take responsibility. They do not consider their own gains and losses; they just safeguard the work and interests of God’s house. They have kind and honest hearts that are like bowls of clear water which one can see the bottom of at a glance. There’s also transparency to their actions” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (8)). From God’s words I understood that when you fellowship in gatherings or discuss work in God’s house, you must be simple-hearted and open, and be an honest person. You must not consider your own pride or interests, or cover up and disguise yourself; when you spot any problems in doing your duty, you should open up and speak about them, and not be afraid to express your opinions. This is beneficial to the work of the church, and brothers and sisters can complement each other. Before, I was always constrained by my pride and didn’t dare to express my opinions, which delayed the progress time and time again. As a result, I did not make any progress in doing my duty, and felt like I was facing a firing squad every time we discussed sermons; my heart was very repressed and God loathed me. This was the bitter fruit of not practicing the truth. I thought of what the Lord Jesus had said: “Truly I say to you, Except you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). God loves honest people. If I cannot be as simple-hearted and honest as a little child, and constantly disguise myself so that others admire me, then in the end I will not be saved. During that time, I often prayed to God in my heart, begging Him to constantly scrutinize my heart and give me faith and strength. I was willing to let go of my pride and interests, practice the truth, and be an honest person, saying as much as I understood, simple-heartedly opening up, and no longer protecting my own pride and status.

Soon, I went to another place, where I also did text-based duties. I thought to myself that I had a lot of deficiencies, and had to learn from the strengths of my brothers and sisters to make up for my weaknesses. When discussing sermons, my deviations and problems were always exposed. I was worried about how my brothers and sisters would view me and whether they would look down on me. In particular, there was one time when I couldn’t clearly see through a problem in a sermon. After reading it several times, I was still a little confused, so I hesitated to express my opinion. As time ticked by, I became more and more anxious. I thought to myself, “I’m still not very clear about this question. Should I say something about it? I have made a lot of mistakes recently. What will I do if I make a mistake again? What will the supervisor and the sister I’m working with think of me? Will they think that my caliber is quite poor and I am not up to this duty? Maybe I should wait for the sister I’m working with to speak first. I’ll hang back to listen to her opinion and then decide whether I should speak up.” However, I then thought that if I delayed any further, it would waste time. I prayed silently in my heart, begging God to calm my heart so that I could stop being bound by pride and fellowship as much as I understood. I also remembered the words of God: “Do not put on a disguise or cover yourself up. Instead, lay yourself and your heart bare for others to see” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). “Honest people can take responsibility. They do not consider their own gains and losses; they just safeguard the work and interests of God’s house. They have kind and honest hearts that are like bowls of clear water which one can see the bottom of at a glance. There’s also transparency to their actions” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (8)). God’s words gave me strength in my heart. Although I couldn’t penetrate this problem, I did have my own opinion, and I should say what I thought. If I always hid at the back and didn’t fellowship in order to save face, even though I would indeed save face, my deficiencies wouldn’t be revealed and others wouldn’t see my true thoughts. I wouldn’t be an honest person in God’s eyes. I had to be brave and stop covering up and disguising myself. Afterward, I shared my opinions and talked about my confusion. The supervisor discussed some details of my opinions. Through this, I gained a clear understanding of the problem that was confusing me, and I also saw my own deficiencies and shortcomings. I was very glad that I had voiced my opinions and thoughts, otherwise I would still be confused about this problem. Although taking this step revealed my deficiencies, it also helped make up for them. Afterward, when communicating about the work or discussing sermons, I consciously let go of my pride and spoke as much as I understood. Although this revealed many of my deficiencies and shortcomings, and I lost some face, I became much clearer about the relevant truth principles, and my efficiency in doing my duty has improved a lot. I have now experienced that practicing the truth and being an honest person has brought me a lot of benefits and help. I am not tangled up in so many burdens anymore, and I feel like my mind has become much simpler. The little practice and entry I have gained is the result of the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words. Thank God!