By Zhou Xusheng, China

At the end of 2023, I was elected as a leader in the church. At first, I was worried that I had only a shallow understanding of the truth and that I wasn’t capable of taking on this duty. However, I also thought that God’s intention was in me having the chance to do this duty, and that I should submit and work hard to do the work well. Afterward, I actively participated in the various items of work, and always handled and responded to any problems as soon as possible. However, as I got deeper into the work, I found that many problems required me to point out specific paths based on principles; there were some tasks that I had not handled before and didn’t quite understand the relevant principles, so I was a little confused, and I got more nervous, especially when discussing the work. I thought to myself, “If I say the right thing, that’ll be fine. But if I say something incorrectly or unclearly, what will my partners think of me? Will they think that my caliber and work capability are this poor, and that I am not up to doing this duty?” Every time we discussed the work together, I had to think for a long time before expressing an opinion, being timid and cautious. Once, the upper leader asked us to assess whether a sister could be cultivated to be a supervisor, and said that we would exchange our views at a gathering the next day. I was a little nervous and thought to myself, “Whether you have discernment of people is a direct reflection of whether there is any depth in the way you view things. If I say the wrong thing, what will the upper leader think of me? Will she think that I have no discernment, low caliber, and am not suitable for cultivation?” Therefore, I read that sister’s resume and evaluations several times over, and looked up the relevant principles to read. It took me an entire evening, and I didn’t do any other work. There was some awareness in my mind at the time that while on the surface I was doing this to discern someone accurately, it was actually to satisfy my own pride and desire for status, and there was no value in me suffering in this way. However, I did not seek the truth to resolve my own problem.

As more and more things came up at work, I became very busy every day, and often didn’t follow up properly on the text-based work, which was my primary responsibility. Although the upper leader had sorted out the work for me, and shared paths to do the work with me, when I actually went to do it and ran into difficulties, I still didn’t know how to resolve them. I was also too embarrassed to ask the upper leader for help, fearing that she would think my caliber was poor, that I wasn’t up to taking on the work, and that I was not suitable for cultivation. Therefore, I worked hard to find the principles myself. Time passed day by day, but there were still some problems that I didn’t know how to solve, which affected the work. I felt more and more that my caliber was too poor and I couldn’t do anything well. I even regretted accepting this duty. During that time, the thought of resigning kept circling in my mind, and my heart was miserable. I felt too ashamed to face the upper leader and my co-workers, and I thought that they must have seen through me and realized I was not worth cultivating and that it would be better to show some self-awareness and resign early to avoid embarrassing myself. However, I was afraid that resigning would be irresponsible toward the work, so I reluctantly held on. On the surface, I got along happily with everyone every day, and even intentionally put on a relaxed facade, but inside, my heart was seared with anxiety. I would rather burn the midnight oil to search for ways to solve the problems than open up to everyone about my difficulties. The upper leader noticed that I was often sighing, and asked me if I had any difficulties. I was afraid that if I told her, she would think I had poor caliber, so I lied and said I had no difficulties. Later, under the questioning of the upper leader, I finally, dejectedly, spoke up about the difficulties I was encountering in doing my duties. I didn’t expect that the leader would fellowship on and resolve my problem very quickly. She even said, “Why didn’t you tell me about this problem earlier? If you’d told me before, it would have been resolved sooner.” I thought about how during this period of time I had been very inefficient in doing my duties and my life had been miserable. Why was I not able to talk about a problem that could have been solved by merely opening my heart and seeking? Later, I prayed to God, “God, I care too much about reputation and status. I pay a lot of attention to the image I have in the minds of my co-workers and the upper leader, carefully maintaining my own pride and status. I feel so tired. I don’t want to live like this, but I can’t help myself. God, may You lead me to walk out of this incorrect state.”

One time, during my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words quoted in an experiential testimony video, and only then did I gain some understanding of my state. Almighty God says: “People themselves are created beings. Can created beings achieve omnipotence? Can they achieve perfection and flawlessness? Can they achieve proficiency in everything, come to understand everything, see through everything, and be capable of everything? They cannot. However, within humans, there are corrupt dispositions, and a fatal weakness: As soon as they learn a skill or profession, people feel that they are capable, that they are people with status and worth, and that they are professionals. No matter how unexceptional they are, they all want to package themselves as some famous or exceptional individual, to turn themselves into some minor celebrity, and make people think they are perfect and flawless, without a single defect; in the eyes of others, they wish to become famous, powerful, or some great figure, and they want to become mighty, capable of anything, with nothing they cannot do. They feel that if they sought others’ help, they would appear incapable, weak, and inferior, and that people would look down on them. For this reason, they always want to keep up a front. Some people, when asked to do something, say they know how to do it, when they actually do not. Afterward, in secret, they look it up and try to learn how to do it, but after studying it for several days, they still do not understand how to do it. When asked how they are getting on with it, they say, ‘Soon, soon!’ But in their hearts, they’re thinking, ‘I’m not there yet, I have no idea, I don’t know what to do! I must not let the cat out of the bag, I must continue putting on a front, I can’t let people see my shortcomings and ignorance, I can’t let them look down on me!’ What problem is this? This is a living hell of trying to save face at all costs. What kind of disposition is this? Such people’s arrogance knows no bounds, they have lost all reason. They do not wish to be like everyone else, they don’t want to be ordinary people, normal people, but superhumans, exceptional individuals, or hotshots. This is such a huge problem! With regard to the weaknesses, shortcomings, ignorance, foolishness, and lack of understanding within normal humanity, they will wrap it all up, and not let other people see it, and then keep on disguising themselves. There are some who cannot see anything clearly, yet still claim they understand in their heart. When you ask them to explain it, they cannot. After someone else has explained it, they then claim that they were about to say the same thing but were unable to voice it in time. They do everything they can to disguise themselves and try to look good. What do you say, do such people not live with their heads in the clouds? Are they not dreaming? They do not know who they themselves are, nor do they know how to live out normal humanity. They have never once acted like practical human beings. If you pass your days with your head in the clouds, muddling through, not doing anything with your feet on the ground, always living by your own imagination, then this is trouble. The path in life you choose is not right” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Five Conditions That Must Be Met to Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God). After reading the words of God, I understood that humans themselves are created beings and cannot achieve perfection. If you constantly fail to treat yourself correctly and constantly want to pursue perfection, then you are an arrogant and unreasonable person in God’s eyes. People constantly want to break away from God’s arrangements and preordination to change their caliber, but this is unrealistic and contrary to God’s requirements. I realized that I was just like this. After I was elected to be a leader in the church, I put myself on a pedestal and pursued being a leader “worthy of the name,” for whom this status was “well-deserved.” I believed that since I was doing this duty, I had to meet all the conditions of being a leader. If I couldn’t see through one matter, or couldn’t understand another, wouldn’t that mean I was incompetent as a leader? I was never able to treat myself correctly, and I didn’t want to expose my problems in front of others, afraid that they would say I wasn’t up to doing the duty of a leader. Therefore, when I needed to express my opinion, I got very nervous, and worried that if the opinions I expressed were inaccurate, then people would think that my caliber was poor. In order to protect my pride and status, I put a lot of effort into looking up information, affecting my efficiency in doing my duty as a result. When I encountered problems in the work that I didn’t know how to resolve, I didn’t dare to open up and inquire about them even when the upper leader was right beside me. I spent a lot of time pondering, but I still didn’t know how to resolve them. As a result, the work was delayed and I became negative. In order to protect my pride and status, I was very timid and cautious in doing my duty every day. I often worried that if I didn’t do things well, people would see through me, and I avoided asking about things I didn’t know how to do. This meant that my efficiency in doing my duty was very low, and even when the upper leader noticed that my state was not good and offered to help me, I still put up a front and disguised myself, concealing my true state. Because I put up a front and pretended to understand when I clearly didn’t know how to do things, I not only placed myself under psychological pressure, but also slowed down the progress of the work. Thinking about it, no matter who you are, there is always a process of familiarization and adaptation when you first start a task. I was young and inexperienced, and I didn’t grasp the principles, so it was natural that my understanding was limited. What I should have done was face my shortcomings correctly, and use this environment to seek the truth and make up for my deficiencies.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “Regardless of the context, no matter what duty they do, an antichrist will try and give the impression that they aren’t weak, that they are always strong, full of faith, and never negative, so that people never see their real stature or real attitude toward God. In fact, in the depths of their heart, do they really believe there is nothing they cannot do? Do they genuinely believe that they are without weakness, negativity, or revelations of corruption? Absolutely not. They are good at putting on an act, adept at hiding things. They like showing people their strong and splendid side; they don’t want them to see the side of them that is weak and true. Their purpose is obvious: It is, quite simply, to maintain their vanity and pride, to protect the place they have in people’s hearts. They think that if they open up before others about their own negativity and weakness, if they reveal the side of them that is rebellious and corrupt, this will be grievous damage to their status and reputation—more trouble than it’s worth. So they would rather die than admit to having times when they are weak, rebellious, and negative. And if a day does come when everyone sees the side of them that is weak and rebellious, when they see that they are corrupt, and have not changed at all, they will still keep putting on an act. They think that if they admit to having a corrupt disposition, to being an ordinary person, someone who is insignificant, then they will lose their place in people’s hearts, will lose everyone’s worship and adoration, and thus will have utterly failed” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Ten)). In order to protect their reputation and status, antichrists put a vast amount of effort into putting up a front and disguising themselves when in groups. They do not dare to open up about their negativity, weaknesses, or deficiencies, afraid that once their problems are exposed, they will no longer be admired. I reflected on myself and saw that I was just like this. When I was elected as a leader in the church that time, I was afraid that my deficiencies and shortcomings would be exposed and other people would see through me and say I was not up to the duty of being a leader. So, no matter how weak and anxious I was, I dared not open up to others, and felt that the more problems and deficiencies I exposed, the more this proved that I was not good enough, and that if everyone saw through me, I would be too ashamed to face them. Although I appeared to be doing my duty on the surface, my starting point was not thinking about how to show consideration for God’s intentions and do my duty well. Instead, I constantly thought about taking the wrong path, and how to save face and stop people from seeing through me. God gave me an opportunity to train in the hope that I would focus on seeking the truth to resolve problems, put all my heart and strength into doing my duty well, always consider the interests of the church despite my deficiencies and shortcomings, and learn to cooperate with others to do my duty well, learning from other people’s strengths to make up for my weaknesses. However, I let down God’s intentions. When I did my duty, all I thought of was my pride, status and how others perceived me. In order to protect my pride and status, I put up a front and disguised myself at every turn; I did not promptly raise problems that I couldn’t see through or didn’t understand and seek the answers to them; and I always gave people the illusion that I was doing well and understood everything. As a result, not only did I fail to contribute to the progress of the work, but I actually delayed it. I saw that the path I was walking was exactly the path of antichrists. If I didn’t turn around, I would only incur God’s loathing. When I thought about this, I felt a little scared, so I prayed to God in repentance, no longer willing to live for my own pride, but willing to live before God and do my duty well.

Later, I also understood from God’s words how I should correctly treat the fact that I was elected as a leader. Almighty God says: “Some people are promoted and cultivated by the church, receiving a good chance to train. This is something good. It can be said they have been elevated and graced by God. So how, then, should they do their duty? The first principle they should abide by is to understand the truth—when they do not understand the truth, they must seek the truth, and if they still don’t understand after seeking on their own, they can find someone who does understand the truth to fellowship and seek with, which will make solving the problem faster and more timely. If you focus only on spending more time reading God’s words by yourself, and on spending more time pondering these words, in order to achieve understanding of the truth and solve the problem, this is too slow; as the saying goes, ‘Slow remedies can’t address urgent needs.’ If, when it comes to the truth, you wish to make quick progress, then you must learn how to cooperate in harmony with others, and to ask more questions and seek more. Only then will your life grow quickly, and will you be able to solve problems promptly, without any delay in either. Because you have only just been promoted and are still on probation, and do not truly understand the truth or possess the truth reality—because you still lack this stature—do not think that your promotion means you possess the truth reality; this is not the case. It is merely because you have a sense of burden toward the work and possess the caliber of a leader that you are selected for promotion and cultivation. You should have this reason. If, after being promoted and becoming a leader or worker, you start to assert your status, and believe that you are someone who pursues the truth and that you possess the truth reality—and if, regardless of what problems the brothers and sisters have, you pretend that you understand, and that you are spiritual—then this is a foolish way to be, and it is the same way as the hypocritical Pharisees. You must speak and act truthfully. When you don’t understand, you can ask others or seek fellowship from the Above—there is nothing shameful about any of this. Even if you don’t ask, the Above will still know your true stature, and will know that the truth reality is absent in you. Seeking and fellowshipping are what you ought to be doing; this is the reason that should be found in normal humanity, and the principle that should be adhered to by leaders and workers. It is not something to be embarrassed about. If you think that once you are a leader it is embarrassing to not understand the principles, or to constantly be asking other people or the Above questions, and you’re afraid that others will look down on you, and then you put on an act as a result, pretending that you understand everything, that you know everything, that you have work capability, that you can do any church work, and do not need anyone to remind you or fellowship with you, or anyone to provide for you or support you, then this is dangerous, and you are too arrogant and self-righteous, too lacking in reason. You don’t even know your own measure—does this not make you a muddleheaded person? Such people do not actually meet the criteria for being promoted and cultivated by the house of God, and sooner or later they will be dismissed and eliminated. And so, every leader or worker that has just been promoted should be clear that they do not have the truth reality, they should have this self-awareness. You are now a leader or worker not because you were appointed by God, but because you were promoted to be one by other leaders and workers, or were elected by God’s chosen people; this does not mean that you have the truth reality and true stature. When you understand this, you will have a little reason, which is the reason that leaders and workers must possess” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). From God’s words, I understood that I didn’t understand the meaning of the church promoting and cultivating people. In my mind, I believed that those who were promoted could not have any deficiencies or shortcomings, and there couldn’t be anything they didn’t understand or know how to do. Therefore, when I became a leader, I was very afraid of making mistakes, afraid that I would embarrass myself if I didn’t do well, and afraid that others would think that I was not worth cultivating. Now I see how these views are all mistaken. The church promotes and cultivates people to give them opportunities to train, and so, during their training period, they can focus on seeking the truth principle, learn to fellowship on the truth to resolve problems, cooperate harmoniously with others on things they don’t understand or can’t do, and have an actively seeking and earnestly responsible attitude. This is how people should practice. I thought of a sister I know. When she was a leader, she promptly asked others when she was faced with difficulties and problems. She didn’t think about how to save face, but about how to solve problems. Later, through training, she made rapid progress and was able to grasp some of the principles in all areas. In contrast, I always wanted to give people the illusion that I knew everything and could do everything. Not only did this violate the laws of normal humanity, but it also put me under a lot of pressure. When I thought this, my heart brightened a little, and I realized how to treat my duty correctly. I had not been doing this duty for long. I was still unclear about many principles and had many deficiencies, but what I could do was to proactively seek, and promptly inquire about things I couldn’t see through.

During my devotionals, I read these words of God: “You must seek the truth to resolve any problem that arises, no matter what it is, and by no means disguise yourself or put on a false face for others. Your shortcomings, your deficiencies, your faults, your corrupt dispositions—be completely open about them all, and fellowship about them all. Do not keep them inside. Learning how to open yourself up is the first step toward life entry, and it is the first hurdle, which is the most difficult to overcome. Once you have overcome it, entering the truth is easy. What does taking this step signify? It means that you are opening your heart and showing everything you have, good or bad, positive or negative; baring yourself for others and for God to see; hiding nothing from God, concealing nothing, disguising nothing, free of deceit and trickery, and being likewise open and honest with other people. In this way, you live in the light, and not only will God scrutinize you, but other people will also be able to see that you act with principle and a degree of transparency. You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to cover up or disguise your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, you will be very relaxed, you will live without constraints or pain, and you will live entirely in the light. Learning how to be open when you fellowship is the first step to life entry. Next, you need to learn to dissect your thoughts and actions to see which are wrong and which God does not like, and you need to reverse them immediately and rectify them. What is the purpose of rectifying them? It is to accept and take on board the truth, while getting rid of the things within you that belong to Satan and replacing them with the truth. Before, you did everything according to your deceitful disposition which is lying and deceptive; you felt that you could get nothing done without lying. Now that you understand the truth, and loathe Satan’s ways of doing things, you no longer act that way, you act with a mentality of honesty, purity, and submission. If you hold nothing back, if you do not put on a front, a pretense, or cover things up, if you lay yourself bare to the brothers and sisters, do not hide your innermost ideas and thoughts, but instead allow others to see your honest attitude, then the truth will gradually take root in you, it will blossom and bear fruit, it will yield results, little-by-little” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God says that to live in the light you must be an honest person, and, whether to God or to other people, open your heart, accept and acknowledge your own shortcomings, and afterward, focus on seeking the truth to resolve your own problems. Only in this way can you understand the truth and obtain the truth. I became willing to practice according to God’s words and be a simple and open person. After lunch one time, I opened up to the upper leader about my state during this time. The upper leader not only did not look down on me, but also fellowshipped with me and helped me. I was very moved, and experienced that practicing according to God’s words and promptly seeking and discussing things I don’t understand can not only make up for my deficiencies but also promptly resolve problems in the work. This is beneficial for me in doing my duty well.

Since then, when I encounter problems and difficulties in doing my duty, I consciously take the initiative to communicate and discuss them with everyone. As for some problems I have never encountered or don’t understand, I find paths to resolve them with the guidance of the upper leader, and my efficiency in doing my duty has improved, causing my heart to feel relaxed and liberated. Thank God!