By Xu Hui, China

Previously, when interacting with my neighbors, I noticed that one of them spoke very directly. Whenever she spotted someone doing something wrong, she would point it out directly, and often offended people as a result. The other neighbors all talked about her behind her back, saying, “How can someone who looks so smart do such foolish things?” Over time, the neighbors would all scatter if she came over while they were talking to each other. Gradually, she became isolated. These things struck me deeply, and so I believed that I should not be as outspoken as she was when interacting with others in the future, so that people wouldn’t dislike me. As the sayings go, “Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship,” and “If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings.” When you notice other people’s problems, it is enough that you are aware of them in your heart—you don’t have to point them out to people. If you do, you will make them lose face and you are liable to offend them. Therefore, whenever I noticed other people’s problems, I wouldn’t talk about them directly. The neighbors around me were all happy to socialize with me, and were willing to talk to me about anything. They also praised me for being popular and easy to get along with. After I started to believe in God, I handled my relationships with my brothers and sisters in the same way. If I noticed their problems or revelations of corruption, I was unwilling to point them out and expose them. I believed that doing so would embarrass them and would just be calling out their shortcomings, and I would offend them. It was only after I experienced some things that I understood that living in reliance on these ways of dealing with the world was contrary to the truth.

In mid-September 2023, I went to a church to serve as a leader. Some brothers and sisters reported that Sister Zhao Zhen, who was preaching the gospel, had an arrogant disposition. She spoke without considering other people’s feelings, and they felt a bit constrained around her. They asked me to fellowship with Zhao Zhen and dissect her problems, helping her to understand herself. I thought to myself, “I have to help out and dissect her problems. Otherwise, she will continue to speak and act based on her arrogant disposition. Not only will my brothers and sisters be constrained by her, but the work will also be affected.” However, then I thought, “I’m new to this church and I’m not familiar with Zhao Zhen. Wouldn’t it be embarrassing for her if I exposed and dissected her as soon as I arrived? How would we get along in the future?” After thinking it over, I still didn’t know what to do, but in the end, I reluctantly went to see Zhao Zhen. When I saw her, my mouth felt like it had been taped shut, and it was a long while before I could say anything. I thought about how I would have to be around her frequently in the future. If I offended her, then wouldn’t I be bringing trouble upon myself? I decided to dissect and expose her problems later. Therefore, I just gave her a vague reminder to be careful about the way she spoke in the future, and not to show displeasure on her face as this tended to constrain people. Zhao Zhen heard this and said, “I didn’t mean anything by what I said. I’ll pay attention in the future.” On the way home, I thought about how Zhao Zhen had no understanding of her own corrupt disposition, and in my heart, I felt some self-reproach. However, then I thought, “I have pointed out some problems to her. If I find her revealing an arrogant disposition again in the future, I can fellowship with her and expose her then.” Not long after, the watering deacon reported that Wang Hong, the watering team leader, had on several occasions used environmental risks as an excuse to avoid doing her duty and attending gatherings, neglecting the two groups she was responsible for. After understanding the situation, I found out that it was because she was too timid and suspicious, and she always said that someone was following her. She had received fellowship on multiple occasions but had not gained any understanding, and so the watering deacon wanted me to fellowship with her. I knew I had to find Wang Hong to fellowship with her and dissect her problems as soon as possible, but then I thought, “Wang Hong and I haven’t met yet. If I expose her problems as soon as I arrive, will she think I am really unsympathetic? What if I offend her? I’m new to this church. If I start dissecting this person’s problems and exposing that person straight away, offending everyone, then everyone will turn against me and isolate me. Then it will be difficult for me to do leadership work in the future. I’d better wait until I’ve familiarized myself with all aspects of the work of the church.” Therefore, I didn’t go and talk to Wang Hong, but asked the watering deacon to fellowship with her instead. However, her fellowship still did not produce any results. In this way, Wang Hong’s problem was repeatedly delayed, and she ended up not attending any gatherings or doing her duty for over a month. Two months later, the upper leaders wrote to us to find out about the performance of our duties. The letter quoted a passage of God’s words regarding the responsibilities of leaders and workers, which touched my heart. I thought about how when I first came to this church and my brothers and sisters reported Zhao Zhen’s problem to me, I had only briefly talked to Zhao Zhen about her problem, and had not dissected the nature and consequences of her acting in reliance on her arrogant disposition. As a result, Zhao Zhen had no understanding of herself, and her arrogant disposition had not changed at all. Moreover, Wang Hong was constantly living in timidity and not attending gatherings. She wasn’t even doing her duties. Despite this, I hadn’t fellowshipped with or helped her. As a leader in the church, if I noticed a problem with a brother or sister without pointing it out, helping them, or fulfilling my own responsibilities, wouldn’t that mean that I wasn’t doing real work? When I thought this, I felt guilty and uneasy. Afterward, I found Zhao Zhen and exposed and dissected her arrogant disposition. After listening to me, she gained some understanding of herself and was willing to turn things around. Afterward, I went to see Wang Hong with the watering deacon. We fellowshipped and dissected her problems, incorporating God’s words, and she understood her selfish and despicable corrupt disposition. Later, she started to do her duty again. When I saw that I had not offended them as I imagined, but had, on the contrary, helped them, I regretted not fellowshipping with them earlier.

Afterward, I reflected on myself: What corrupt disposition caused me not to dare to expose and dissect the problems of my brothers and sisters? I prayed to God, “God, when I find problems with my brothers and sisters, as a leader, I should fellowship on the truth, point out the problems, and help them. But I was afraid of offending them, so I didn’t dare to fellowship and expose their problems. I know this was not in accordance with Your intentions. May You enlighten me and lead me to understand myself and learn lessons.” In seeking, I read the words of God: “There is a tenet in philosophies for worldly dealings that says, ‘Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship.’ It means that in order to preserve this good friendship, one must keep silent about their friend’s problems, even if they see them clearly. They abide by the principles of not striking people in the face or calling out their shortcomings. They deceive each other, hide from each other, and engage in intrigue with each other. Though they know with crystal clarity what sort of person the other is, they do not say it outright, but employ cunning methods to preserve their relationship. Why would one want to preserve such relationships? It is about not wanting to make enemies in this society, within one’s group, which would mean subjecting oneself often to dangerous situations. Knowing someone will become your enemy and harm you after you have called out their shortcomings or hurt them, and not wishing to put yourself in such a situation, you employ the tenet of philosophies for worldly dealings that runs, ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings.’ In light of this, if two people are in such a relationship, do they count as true friends? (No.) They are not true friends, much less each other’s confidant. So, what sort of relationship is this, exactly? Is it not a fundamental social relationship? (It is.) In such social relationships, people cannot engage in heart-to-heart discussions, nor have deep connections, nor speak about whatever they wish. They cannot say out loud what is in their hearts, or the problems they see in other people, or words that would benefit other people. Instead, they pick nice things to say, to keep others’ favor. They dare not speak the truth or uphold the principles, thereby preventing others from developing hostile thoughts toward them. When no one poses a threat to someone, does that person not live in relative ease and peace? Is this not people’s goal in promoting the saying, ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’? (It is.) Clearly, this is a crooked and deceitful way of survival with an element of guardedness, whose goal is self-preservation. Living this way, people have no confidants, no close friends with whom they can say whatever they like. Between people, there is just mutual guardedness, mutual exploitation, and mutual scheming, with each person taking what they need from the relationship. Is this not so? At its root, the goal of ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’ is to keep from offending others and making enemies, to protect oneself by not causing hurt to anyone. It is a technique and method one adopts to keep themselves from being hurt” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (8)). From the exposure in God’s words I realized that if you live by the philosophy for worldly dealings of “If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings,” you will only make yourself ever more deceitful and treacherous. You will become unable to speak what is truly on your mind to anyone else, not dare say things even when they are beneficial to the other person, and not be of any true assistance to them. This is the way that nonbelievers handle worldly dealings. All these years, I had lived by Satan’s philosophy for worldly dealings. I had regarded “If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcoming” as my way of survival. I believed that when I noticed another person’s problems or shortcomings, it was enough to just mention it tactfully, and I should not expose or dissect them or else I would offend them, making an enemy, and causing harm to myself. When I noticed deficiencies in any of my neighbors, I never mentioned them, afraid of offending my neighbors and being isolated as a result. After I came to believe in God, I continued to live by this perspective. As a church leader, when I see any corruption revealed by my brothers and sisters, I should have helped them out of love and pointed out their problems. This is the responsibility I ought to fulfill, but I didn’t do any real work at all. When my brothers and sisters reported Zhao Zhen’s problem, I was well aware that if I didn’t fellowship with her and dissect her problem, helping her understand herself and turn things around, she would constrain even more brothers and sisters and impact the work. However, I was afraid that I would offend her and it would be hard to get along with her in the future, making it difficult for me to do leadership work. Therefore, I just mentioned it briefly. As a result, Zhao Zhen had no understanding of her arrogant disposition and did not change at all. The same was true of Wang Hong. I clearly saw that Wang Hong was living in timidity and fear, and was not attending gatherings or doing her duty, which had delayed the work. However, I thought that if I exposed and dissected her problems the first time we met, she would say that I was unsympathetic. What would I do if I offended her? Therefore, I didn’t want to expose or point out her problems, and even played a little trick by shoving the issue onto the watering deacon for her to resolve. I used satanic philosophies to maintain my relationships with people. On the outside, it looked like everyone was getting along well, but actually, I had harmed my brothers and sisters and delayed the work. If I could have practiced the truth earlier and exposed and dissected Zhao Zhen’s and Wang Hong’s problems, they would have understood themselves sooner, and the damage done to the work of the church and their life entry could have been avoided. I saw that “If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcoming” is not a positive thing, but a slippery and deceitful way of conducting worldly dealings. It is completely contrary to the truth. Had I continued to live by Satan’s philosophies, I could have done something that would harm myself and others at any moment, bringing disruption and disturbance to the work of the church and incurring God’s loathing and disgust. And ultimately, I would have been revealed and eliminated.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “Is the phrase ‘call out’ in the saying ‘if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’ good or bad? Does the phrase ‘call out’ have a level on which it refers to people’s being revealed or exposed within the words of God? (It does not.) From My understanding of the phrase ‘call out’ as it exists in human language, it does not mean that. Its essence is one of a somewhat malicious form of exposure; it means to reveal people’s problems and deficiencies, or some things and behaviors unknown to others, or some intrigue, ideas, or views operating in the background. This is the meaning of the phrase ‘call out’ in the saying ‘if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings.’ If two people get along well and are confidants, with no barriers between them, and they each hope to be of benefit and assistance to the other, then it would be best for them to sit together and lay out each other’s problems in openness and sincerity. This is proper, and it is not calling out others’ shortcomings. If you discover another person’s problems but see that they are not yet able to accept your advice, then simply do not say anything, so as to avoid quarrel or conflict. If you want to help them, you can seek their opinion and first ask them, ‘I see that you have a bit of a problem, and I hope to give you some advice. I don’t know if you’ll be able to accept it. If you will, I’ll tell you. If you won’t, I’ll keep it to myself for now and not say anything.’ If they say, ‘I trust you. Whatever you have to say won’t be out of bounds; I can accept it,’ that means that you have been granted permission, and you can then communicate their problems to them, one by one. Not only will they completely accept what you say, but also benefit from it, and the two of you will still be able to maintain a normal relationship. Is that not treating each other with sincerity? (It is.) This is the correct method for interacting with others; it is not calling out others’ shortcomings” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (8)). From God’s words I understood what calling out others’ shortcomings is, and what proper pointing out and helping is. Calling out someone’s shortcomings is a malicious attack, deliberately seizing on others’ deficiencies, private matters, and even the most taboo things in order to expose their shortcomings; it is intentionally embarrassing others, and brings them only harm. In God’s house, on the other hand, when we see our brothers and sisters reveal corrupt dispositions or act contrary to principles, we expose, dissect, and point out their problems in accordance with God’s words, helping them to understand their corrupt disposition. This is beneficial to their life entry. This kind of dissection and exposure is not calling them out, but is rather loving help. In dealing with Zhao Zhen’s problem, when I exposed and dissected her arrogant disposition in light of God’s words, I was helping her reflect on and know her problems so she could change, achieve life entry, and cooperate harmoniously with her brothers and sisters to do her duty well. This was a beneficial thing for her. Moreover, when I fellowshipped with Wang Hong and dissected her problem of being selfish and preserving herself, the aim was to help her gain an understanding of her selfish and despicable nature essence, so she could repent, change, and do her duty. This was also helping Wang Hong. This kind of exposure and dissection aligns with the truth principles and is a positive thing; it is not calling people out. To determine the difference between calling out and proper guidance and help, the main thing to look at is the intention and starting point. Also, I had always been worried that exposing and dissecting other people’s problems would offend them and make them treat me as an enemy, which would make my leadership work harder. Therefore, I maintained my relationships with others at every turn. In fact, God’s house is different from society. In God’s house, the truth reigns. To do your duty well, you must act according to the truth principles, and it is not the case that you can only do the work well by maintaining good relationships with others. I realized that my ideas were too distorted and did not conform to the truth at all.

I continued to seek: what kind of corrupt disposition had resulted in me not daring to expose other people’s problems? I read the words of God: “Conscience and reason should both be components of a person’s humanity. These are both the most fundamental and most important. What kind of person is one who lacks conscience and does not have the reason of normal humanity? Generally speaking, they are a person who lacks humanity, a person of extremely poor humanity. Going into more detail, what manifestations of lost humanity does this person exhibit? Have a go at analyzing what characteristics are found in such people and what specific manifestations they present. (They are selfish and base.) Selfish and base people are perfunctory in their actions and stand aloof from anything that does not concern them personally. They do not consider the interests of God’s house, nor do they show consideration for God’s intentions. They take on no burden of performing their duties or testifying for God, and they have no sense of responsibility. … Does this kind of person have conscience and reason? (No.) Does a person without conscience and reason who behaves in this way feel self-reproach? Such people have no sense of self-reproach; the conscience of this kind of person serves no purpose. They have never felt reproach from their conscience, so can they feel the reproach or discipline of the Holy Spirit? No, they cannot” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Giving One’s Heart to God, One Can Obtain the Truth). After reading the words of God, I felt pierced to the heart; I felt guilty and uncomfortable for what I had done. God says that people with conscience and humanity bear a burden in their duties and have a sense of responsibility, considering the interests of God’s house at every turn and exposing and dissecting people who do things that disrupt and disturb the work of the church. In contrast, what those without humanity think of first is their fear of offending people and making enemies. They only protect their own interests and behave as people pleasers, not protecting the interests of God’s house at all. When I reflected on myself, I saw that I was just the kind of selfish and despicable person with poor humanity that God had exposed. I was clearly aware that my brothers and sisters were being constrained by Zhao Zhen, and that this had already had an impact on the work of the church and the life entry of my brothers and sisters. However, I simply paid this no heed. Also, Wang Hong used the risks to her safety as an excuse to abandon her duties. As a church leader, I should have fellowshipped with them and dissected these problems as soon as possible, so that they could understand the harm and consequences of continuing like this, turn their states around in a timely manner, and do their duty well. However, I was afraid that if I offended them, they’d resent and isolate me, so I didn’t fellowship with them. At every turn, I protected my own interests, and only thought about maintaining good relationships with people and leaving a good impression on them. I did not consider the interests of the church at all, nor did I consider whether the lives of my brothers and sisters would suffer a loss. I was utterly selfish and despicable and had not the slightest sense of justice! I was not doing my duty at all. I was doing evil and resisting God! If I did not repent and change, I would ultimately incur God’s loathing and be eliminated. When I understood this, I regretted what I had done. I felt indebted to God, and felt that I had let my brothers and sisters down. I prayed to God, “God, I am willing to repent and become a person with humanity and a sense of justice. I want to show consideration for Your intentions in the future and protect the interests of the church.”

Through prayer and seeking, I found a path of practice in God’s words. Almighty God says: “If you want to establish a normal relationship with God, your heart must be turned toward Him; with this as a foundation, you will then have normal relationships with other people too. If you do not have a normal relationship with God, then no matter what you do to maintain your relationships with other people, no matter how hard you work or how much energy you put in, it will all belong to a human philosophy for worldly dealings. You will be protecting your position among people and attaining their praise through human perspectives and human philosophies, rather than establishing normal interpersonal relationships according to the word of God. If you do not focus on your relationships with people, and maintain a normal relationship with God instead, if you are willing to give your heart to God and learn to submit to Him, then your interpersonal relationships will naturally become normal. These relationships will then not be built upon the flesh, but upon the foundation of God’s love. You will have almost no fleshly interactions with other people, but on a spiritual level, there will be fellowship and mutual love, comfort, and provision between you. All of this is done upon the foundation of a desire to satisfy God—these relationships are not maintained through human philosophies for worldly dealings, they are formed naturally when one carries a burden for God. They do not require any artificial, human effort from you, you need only to practice according to the principles of God’s words” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. It Is Very Important to Establish a Normal Relationship With God). From God’s words, I understood that in our relationships with our brothers and sisters, we should treat others in accordance with the truth principles. When we discover that our brothers or sisters have any kind of corrupt disposition, we should fellowship with them and help them out of love, so that they can reflect on and come to understand themselves and achieve some life entry. We should not rely on philosophies for worldly dealings to maintain our relationships with others. Sometimes they cannot understand their own problems, and exposure and dissection are required. As long as they are brothers and sisters who pursue the truth, they will be able to treat this correctly and make changes afterward. However, those who do not pursue the truth will argue back and resist when things are pointed out and exposed. This is a revelation of them, and at the same time, helps us gain some discernment of them. Later, I noticed that the watering deacon did not bear a burden in her duty. She dragged her feet in implementing the work, and even found excuses, saying that her caliber was poor and she didn’t understand the truth. I wanted to point out her problems so that she would bear more of a burden in her duty, but then I thought, “If I directly expose and point out her problems and so offend her, how will we cooperate in the future?” When I thought this, I felt a little hesitant. Later, I thought of some words of God that I had read before, and realized that I was again trying to maintain my relationships with others by relying on satanic philosophies for worldly dealings. No matter how well I maintain my relationships with others, this is not practicing the truth, and God does not approve of it. I prayed to God to give me the resolve to rebel against the flesh and practice the truth. This time, I had to practice the truth and act according to the truth principles. Therefore, I pointed out the watering deacon’s problem of being perfunctory in her duty, and fellowshipped about the nature and consequences of being perfunctory. After my fellowship, she understood her problem, and was willing to rebel against herself and practice the truth. I experienced that when you are able to treat people according to the truth principles, you feel at ease. Thank God!