210 A Heartfelt Wish to Repent
1 Seeing God’s day of glory gradually growing near, my heart can’t help but give rise to sorrow and worry. Thinking back on my rebellion and defiance against God, remorse, uneasiness, and indebtedness well up in my heart. God chose me, so I turned back to Him and attended the kingdom feast. He earnestly teaches me the path I must take and the way I should keep. He exhorts me again and again, but I don’t take it to heart. I have not yet gained the truth, and am not worthy of facing God.
2 For years in my faith, I saw doctrine as reality, believing to practice the truth meant working hard. I lacked devotion in my duty; it was all carelessness and deceit. When I was pruned and dealt with, I made excuses and rationalized. God arranged people and things to perfect me and help me to gain the truth, yet I did not submit, much less seek the truth. I stubbornly walked the Pharisees’ path, not knowing to turn back. Hated by God, I lived in darkness, in a life worse than death.
3 Every word of God’s judgment shakes my heart and soul. My long-numb heart is only now beginning to awaken. I hate myself for being so hardened and not pursuing the truth. To this day, I have lived out nothing but a satanic disposition. God’s work is coming to an end; He will soon return to Zion. Having faith but being unable to satisfy God is truly shameful. I am genuinely unworthy of savoring His words and really indebted to Him. Having these final hours to be devoted to God is a rare gift. I am determined to pursue the truth and spend my life repaying God’s grace.