By Li Jin, China

In 2014 when I was a church leader, I was somewhat effective in doing my duty, had accumulated some experience, and felt like I understood the truth. When I ran into problems, I didn’t seek the truth principles, and often did as I pleased. At that time, someone reported that the leaders of two churches had bad humanity, and suppressed and constrained others. I was biased, and believed what I heard without understanding the actual situation in detail. So I dismissed one of the leaders who could do real work, and nearly made the mistake of expelling the other leader. That seriously affected the work of both churches. The upper leaders pruned me severely for being reckless and willful in doing my duty, not handling things according to the truth principles, and dismissing and expelling people arbitrarily. But I really didn’t know myself, and tried to reason with them and justify myself. After all, in doing their duty, who doesn’t make mistakes? Because I didn’t accept the truth, often violated principles in my work, was reckless and willful, and disrupted and disturbed the church’s work, I was dismissed by the upper leaders. After I was dismissed, the upper leaders didn’t arrange for me to perform any duty, and let me self-reflect. At that time, I didn’t understand God’s intention, and was very negative. I felt that in all these years of believing in God, I had given up my family and career, and often did my duty even when I was ill. I may not have contributed much, but I certainly worked hard. Being dismissed is one thing, but why was I not even given a duty to perform? I only made two mistakes, so isn’t treating me that way too harsh? Especially when I saw brothers and sisters who had never been leaders still doing their duty, while I, a former leader, had no duty to perform at all, I thought: “It looks like I can’t be a leader. As a leader, you have to meet high standards and strict requirements. If one day you are a little careless, your life as a believer in God could come to an end. How can that lead to any good end and destination? No matter what, I’ll never be a leader again.” For the next few years, I always worked with texts in the church, and although there were opportunities to stand for election as a leader or worker, I always avoided participating. At the time, I wasn’t aware of my problems, and thought that was the wise thing to do.

In May of 2020 the church was going to elect leaders. My heart was in turmoil: “My work with texts is pretty good, and I don’t want to participate in the election. If I was elected to be a leader, that would be a bad thing. Being a leader is an arduous, thankless task. Doing it well is expected, and if the church’s work is delayed, the leader has to take responsibility. So it really is true that ‘Everyone reaps the benefits, but only one person takes the blame.’ Previously, when I was a leader, I committed a few transgressions. If I served as a leader again and did something that violated principles and caused great harm to the work of the church, at best, I would be dismissed. At worst, I would be expelled, and lose my chance to be saved.” With those thoughts in mind, I found an excuse and said my heart condition had worsened lately, so I couldn’t take part in the election. At the time, I felt a little guilty. “Isn’t this avoiding the election?” But I thought I really wasn’t up to being a leader, and I really did have some recent heart discomfort, so I had a reason not to go. Thinking that way helped make whatever unease and guilt I felt disappear. Later on, when there was another election, I still didn’t want to participate, feeling that being a leader was dangerous! It was a lot of work and there were a lot of problems to deal with, and I could get exposed at any time. When they weren’t leaders, some of the brothers and sisters around me didn’t appear to have any issues. But once they became leaders, some were revealed as false leaders and dismissed, while some were revealed as the wicked or antichrists, and were cleared out or expelled. It seemed that status indeed revealed who people really were! Finally, I forfeited, and didn’t stand in the election.

Not long after I got home, I suddenly became ill. I had diarrhea and a fever, and taking medicine didn’t help. After suffering for several days, I finally recovered. But my arms and neck then became covered in little red dots. My condition became more and more serious, and as soon as I started sweating, I felt a burning pain all over my body. After a few days I was utterly exhausted from struggling with my illness, and realized that my illness was not a coincidence—it was God’s discipline. But I didn’t know which way to turn to reflect and understand. I prayed to God, and asked Him to guide me to know myself and learn my lesson.

When my leader learned that I was ailing, she reminded me to reflect on my attitude toward the election, and found a passage of God’s word regarding my state: “With satanic nature … once people gain status they are then in danger. So, what should be done? Do they have no path to follow? Once they have fallen into that dangerous situation, is there no way back for them? Tell Me, once corrupt people gain status—regardless of who they are—do they then become antichrists? Is this absolute? (If they do not pursue the truth, then they will become antichrists, but if they do pursue the truth, then they will not.) That is absolutely right: If people do not pursue the truth, they are sure to become antichrists. And is it the case that all who walk the path of antichrists do so because of status? No, it is chiefly because they have no love of the truth, because they are not right people. Regardless of whether they have status or not, people who do not pursue the truth all walk the path of antichrists. No matter how many sermons they have heard, such people do not accept the truth, they do not walk the right path, but are determined to go toward the crooked path. This is akin to how people eat: Some do not consume food that can nurture their bodies and support a normal existence, but instead insist on consuming things that do them harm, ultimately shooting themselves in the foot. Is this not their own choice? After being eliminated, some leaders and workers spread notions, saying, ‘Don’t be a leader, and don’t let yourself gain status. People are in danger the minute they gain any status, and God will reveal them! Once they are revealed, they will not even be qualified to be ordinary believers, and will receive no blessings at all.’ What sort of thing is that to say? At best, it represents a misunderstanding of God; at worst, it is blasphemy against Him. If you do not walk the right path, do not pursue the truth, and do not follow God’s way, but instead you insist on walking the path of antichrists and end up on Paul’s path, ultimately meeting the same outcome, the same end as Paul, still complaining about God and passing judgment on God as unrighteous, then are you not the genuine article of an antichrist? Such behavior is cursed! When people do not understand the truth, they always live by their notions and imaginings, frequently misinterpret God, and feel God’s actions to be at odds with their own notions, which produces negative emotions in them; this happens because people have corrupt dispositions. They say negative things and complain because their faith is too paltry, their stature too small, and they understand too few truths—which is all forgivable, and not remembered by God. And yet, there are those who do not walk the right path, who specifically walk the path of deceiving, resisting, betraying God, and fighting against God. These people are ultimately punished and cursed by God, and plunged into perdition and destruction. How do they get to this point? Because they have never reflected on and known themselves, because they do not accept the truth at all, and are reckless and willful, and stubbornly refuse to repent, and even complain about God after they are revealed and eliminated, saying that God is not righteous. Could such people be saved? (No.) They could not. So, is it the case that everyone who is revealed and eliminated is beyond salvation? It cannot be said that they are utterly beyond redemption. There are those who understand too few truths, and are young and inexperienced—who, once they become leaders or workers and have status, are directed by their corrupt disposition, and pursue status, and enjoy this status, and so naturally walk the path of antichrists. If, after being exposed and judged, they are able to reflect on themselves, and truly repent, forsaking wickedness like the people of Nineveh, no longer walking the path of evil as they used to, then they still have the opportunity to be saved. But what are the conditions of such an opportunity? They must be truly repentant and able to accept the truth. If they are, they still have some hope. If they are incapable of reflecting on themselves, don’t accept the truth at all, and have no intention of truly repenting, they will be completely eliminated” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Resolve the Temptations and Bondage of Status). After reading God’s word, my leader reminded me: “You always think that as a leader, it is easy to be exposed, dismissed, or eliminated. Is that the correct point of view? Whether people are exposed and eliminated depends on whether they pursue the truth, and what path they take. It has nothing to do with whether they are leaders. If a person is a leader but doesn’t pursue the truth or walk the right path, if they commit evil, disturb and disrupt the church’s work, and refuse to repent, they will definitely be exposed and eliminated. Although some leaders deviate in doing their duty and commit transgressions, if they can accept the truth, self-reflect and know themselves, and truly repent, the church will give them opportunities to continue practicing. Even if they have low caliber and are not qualified to be a leader, they will be transferred to carry out an appropriate duty. With so many leaders in the church, why do some understand more and more of the truth and perform their duty better and better? Why do some people repeatedly do evil things, get exposed as false leaders and antichrists, and end up being eliminated? Do their failures have anything to do with being a leader? The church has eliminated many evildoers, many of whom were not leaders. They were eliminated because their nature was averse and hostile to the truth, they did not walk the right path, and in doing their duty they recklessly committed misdeeds, and caused disturbances and disruptions. Does that have anything to do with being a leader?”

After hearing the leader’s fellowship, I was moved. She was right—just because someone becomes a leader and has status doesn’t mean they will be exposed and eliminated. That happens because after people gain status they don’t walk the right path, and don’t pursue the truth. They only covet the benefits of status, do as they please and recklessly commit misdeeds, and cause disturbances and disruptions. That makes them false leaders and antichrists who are dismissed and eliminated. I thought of Brother Fang Xun, who was dismissed some time ago. As a leader, he always showed off, and belittled and marginalized the brothers he worked with. That made them feel constrained, so they couldn’t perform their duties normally. Leaders fellowshiped with Fang Xun many times. But he never changed, and that was why he was subsequently dismissed. When I was dismissed from my position as a leader, it was also because I had often been reckless and willful. When my brothers and sisters reported problems with two church leaders, I didn’t follow principles and investigate and verify those reports. Instead, I blindly judged them, and even dismissed one and nearly expelled the other. As a result, I harmed both leaders and caused chaos in the churches. Now, thinking back on it, everything I did was evil, disrupted the church’s work, and harmed the brothers and sisters. Fortunately, those two mistakes were discovered and reversed. Otherwise, the consequences would have been disastrous! I realized my dismissal actually had nothing to do with having status or being a leader. I was dismissed because my disposition was too arrogant, when facing problems I didn’t seek the truth, and I didn’t do things based on principles. Instead, I acted arbitrarily and recklessly committed misdeeds, disturbing the work of the church. And when I was pruned, I didn’t reflect on myself. My dismissal is consistent with principles, and shows God’s righteousness. But all along, I didn’t know myself. I was always defensive toward God, misunderstood Him, and thought that I was exposed because I was a leader. I was so absurd and unreasonable! I only now realized that at that time, if I wasn’t immediately dismissed and prevented from doing evil, given my arrogant disposition, I might have done much greater evil! My dismissal was God’s way to protect me, and also a good opportunity for me to reflect on and know myself. I also thought of Sister Wang Rui, someone I previously worked with. She had also been dismissed, but after her failure, she was able to reflect on herself, know herself, absorb lessons, and repent to God. Later, when she was a leader again she was able to seek the truth and work based on principles, and clearly made progress. After pondering these things, I understood that it is not someone’s status that causes them to be exposed and eliminated—they are victims of their own corrupt dispositions. If a corrupt disposition is not resolved, even if one is not a leader and doesn’t do evil with the status of a leader, one will still be eliminated for not pursuing the truth. Once I recognized that, my state changed a bit, but I still had some concerns: “My understanding of the truth is shallow. The church has many issues that require leaders to make decisions, and if things are not arranged well, and the work of the church is disturbed and disrupted, transgressions may occur. If one is not a leader, and isn’t involved in such work, that work won’t cause them to do evil or oppose God. So I had better not stand in the election.” After that, the leader showed me another passage of God’s word: “I do not want to see anyone feeling as though God has left them out in the cold, that God has abandoned them or turned His back on them. All I want to see is everyone on the road to pursuing the truth and seeking to understand God, boldly marching onward with unfaltering determination, without any misgivings or burdens. No matter what wrongs you have committed, no matter how far you have strayed or how seriously you have transgressed, do not let these become burdens or excess baggage that you have to carry with you in your pursuit of understanding God. Continue marching onward. At all times, God holds man’s salvation in His heart; this never changes. This is the most precious part of the essence of God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). I was deeply moved by God’s word. God will not give up on saving people because of their momentary failures and transgressions. Instead, He gives them chances to repent. People making mistakes and committing transgressions in doing their duty is nothing to be afraid of. As long as people can change, God will continue to guide them. Although I had committed a few transgressions, the church still gave me a chance to self-reflect and repent. It did not condemn me and eliminate me for those transgressions. But I did not self-reflect, remained defensive toward God and misunderstood Him, and was unwilling to be a leader or worker. I was so stubborn! When I realized that, I felt remorse and guilt, so I prayed to God: “Oh God! I am too rebellious. I no longer wish to misunderstand You, and be defensive toward You. Now, I am willing to repent. I beg You to guide me, and correct me where I’ve been wrong.”

I then wondered why I had misunderstood God and been defensive toward Him all along. What was the root cause? At the time, my leader read a passage of God’s word that was of great benefit to me. Almighty God says: “If you are deceitful, then you will be guarded and suspicious toward all people and matters, and thus your faith in Me will be built upon a foundation of suspicion. I could never acknowledge such faith. Lacking true faith, you are even more devoid of true love. And if you are liable to doubt God and speculate about Him at will, then you are, without question, the most deceitful of all people. You speculate whether God can be like man: unpardonably sinful, of petty character, devoid of fairness and reason, lacking a sense of justice, given to vicious tactics, treacherous and cunning, pleased by evil and darkness, and so on. Is not the reason that people have such thoughts because they lack the slightest knowledge of God? Such faith is nothing short of sin!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. How to Know the God on Earth). God’s word made me understand that I had some defensiveness toward God and misunderstood Him because my nature was too deceitful. Having been dismissed once, I didn’t self-reflect about my former path, which led to failure, or absorb the lessons to be learned so I could avoid repeating the same mistakes. Instead, I thought that being a leader meant I would be easily exposed and eliminated, so it was the title “leader” that made me a victim. I even imagined that God is like some worldly ruler who sentences people to death as soon as they make a small mistake. So as soon as anyone mentioned elections I was terrified, and feared that if I were elected as a leader, then even the slightest carelessness on my part would lead to being exposed, and I wouldn’t have a good destination. So I watched carefully, and kept up my defenses. I made excuse after excuse to avoid the situation, and refused to stand for election. I was so deceitful! The reason the church trains leaders and workers is to give them opportunities to practice, so they can understand the truth and enter into reality as quickly as possible. But I really thought that God meant to expose me and eliminate me. Was this not misunderstanding and blaspheming God? I believed in God, but I always saw Him through the eyes of the unrighteous, doubting Him, and being defensive toward Him, revealing my satanic disposition. Isn’t that kind of belief in God really like resisting God?

Later, after reading more of God’s words, I had a somewhat better understanding of His intention. God’s words say: “At times, God uses a certain matter to reveal you or discipline you. Does this then mean that you have been eliminated? Does it mean your end has come? No. … In fact, in many cases, people’s concern stems from their own self-interest. Speaking generally, it is the fear that they will have no outcome. They’re always thinking, ‘What if God reveals me, eliminates me, and rejects me?’ This is your misinterpretation of God; these are only your one-sided conjectures. You have to figure out what God’s intention is. When He reveals people, it is not for the sake of eliminating them. People are revealed in order to expose their shortcomings, mistakes, and their nature essences, to make them know themselves and become capable of true repentance; for this reason, revealing people is in order to help their lives to grow. Without a pure understanding, people are apt to misinterpret God and become negative and weak. They may even give in to despair. In fact, being revealed by God doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be eliminated. It is to help you get to know your own corruption, and to make you repent. Oftentimes, because people are rebellious, and do not seek to find resolution in the truth when they reveal corruption, God must exercise discipline. And so, sometimes, He reveals people, exposing their ugliness and pitifulness, getting them to know themselves, which helps their life to grow. Revealing people has two different implications: For the evil people, being revealed means they are eliminated. For those who are able to accept the truth, it is a reminder and a warning; they are made to reflect on themselves, to see their true state, and to stop being wayward and reckless, because to carry on like this would be dangerous. Revealing people in this way is to remind them lest, in performing their duty, they grow muddleheaded and careless, fail to take things seriously, become satisfied with only a few results, and think they have performed their duty to an acceptable standard when, in fact, measured by God’s demands, they have fallen far short, and yet they are still complacent and believe themselves to be doing fine. In such circumstances, God will discipline, caution, and remind people. Sometimes, God reveals their ugliness—which is patently to serve as a reminder. At such times you should reflect on yourself: Performing your duty like this is inadequate, there is rebelliousness within you, there are too many negative elements, everything you do is perfunctory, and if you still do not repent, by rights you should be punished. Now and then, when God disciplines you, or reveals you, this does not necessarily mean you will be eliminated. This matter should be approached correctly. Even if you are eliminated, you should accept it and submit to it, and make haste to reflect and repent” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Practicing the Truth and Submitting to God Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). Reading God’s word, I was quite moved, and felt especially ashamed and guilty. God exposes, prunes, and disciplines people so that they can understand themselves, repent, and change. When I was pruned and experienced frustration and failure, I had no understanding of God’s good intentions to save mankind. I just kept clinging to Satan’s falsehoods and devilish words like, “The bigger they are, the harder they fall” and “It’s lonely at the top.” I imagined that being a leader in the church was like being an official in the secular world, and that the higher one’s position, the higher one’s risk, and the longer one was a leader, the faster one would be exposed and eliminated. Over the past few years, I always misunderstood God and was defensive toward Him, and my heart was closed to God all along. I repeatedly refused to stand in leaders’ elections. Even though I was doing my duty, I had misgivings, so I couldn’t give my all, and always had a lukewarm attitude toward pursuing the truth. I was trapped in Satan’s snare, and suffered at Satan’s hand, and I didn’t even know how much it was damaging my life. Now I was in jeopardy, and could no longer afford to misunderstand and hurt God. I silently prayed to God, “Oh God, I want to repent to You and treat elections correctly. No matter whether I am elected or not, I will submit to Your arrangements.”

When it was time for the election, I was still conflicted: “This time, if they really elect me, I should accept the position. But my ability to do the job and my caliber are average, so if I don’t perform well, then what? It’s best to let someone else do it. That way, I won’t be exposed again.” In my dilemma, I suddenly thought of God’s word: “When God’s people perform their duty in the kingdom and created beings perform their duty before the Creator, they should move forward calmly with a God-fearing heart. They shouldn’t be fumbling about, shrinking back, or walking on eggshells. If you know that this state is wrong and worry about it constantly instead of seeking the truth to resolve it, then you’re being constrained and bound by it, and you won’t be able to fulfill your duty” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s word served as a reminder. I had always been anxious about elections, and at the critical moment, I wanted to retreat and escape again. For created beings, doing one’s duty is right and proper—it’s an honor. But in fact, I avoided responsibility, was timid, defensive, and suspicious. It was so foolish and pathetic! I had to turn back to God, be a simple and honest person, stop worrying about my future and final destination, and give my heart to Him. Whether I was elected or not, I could no longer run away and hide. If I was elected I had to accept it, and perform my duty well. When I fully committed to doing that, I felt a great weight lifted from my heart, and I was relieved of my burden.

This time when the election results came out, I and another sister were chosen. I was no longer mired in misunderstanding and defensiveness toward God, and no longer feared being eliminated if I didn’t perform my duty well. Instead, I wanted to cherish this opportunity, do my best to do my duty well, and repay what I owed to God. Later, I read God’s word: “Are you afraid of walking the path of antichrists? (Yes.) Is fear useful on its own? No—fear alone cannot fix the problem. It is normal to be afraid of walking the path of antichrists. It shows one to be a lover of the truth, someone who is willing to strive toward the truth and who is willing to pursue it. If you are fearful at heart, then you should seek the truth and find the path of practice. You must begin by learning to cooperate with others in harmony. If there is a problem, resolve it with fellowship and discussion, so that everyone may know the principles, as well as the specific reasoning and program regarding the resolution. Does this not keep you from making decisions alone? Additionally, if you have a God-fearing heart, then you will naturally be capable of receiving God’s scrutiny, but you must also learn to accept the supervision of God’s chosen people, which requires you to have tolerance and acceptance. … It is certainly necessary to accept supervision, but the main thing is to pray to God and rely on Him, subjecting yourself to constant examination. Especially when you have gone the wrong way or done something wrong, or when you are about to act or decide something on your own, and someone nearby mentions it and alerts you, you need to accept that and hasten to reflect on yourself, and admit to your mistake, and correct it. This can keep you from setting foot on the path of antichrists. If there is someone helping and alerting you in this way, are you not being protected without knowing it? You are—that is your protection” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). God’s word points out the principle of practice that helps to avoid taking the wrong path: Seek the truth no matter what problems you face, discuss things together with your brothers and sisters, cooperate harmoniously, and do your duty according to the truth principles; do not act arbitrarily based on your arrogant disposition and do not make decisions unilaterally, and while doing your duty, accept supervision from your brothers and sisters. If you do not do your duty only because you fear walking the path of an antichrist and are afraid of being revealed, that will not only fail to resolve problems, but will also ruin your chance to gain the truth and be saved. Isn’t that like giving up eating altogether because you’re afraid of choking? Thereafter, I absorbed the lessons of my previous failures, and when I did my duty, I had a much more correct attitude. If I ran into problems, I could consciously discuss things with everyone, cooperate harmoniously, and seek the truth principles together. After some time, I saw God’s guidance, and did my duty effectively.

This experience compelled me to self-reflect and know my own corrupt disposition, which allowed me to understand God’s intention, eliminate my misunderstanding of God and defensiveness toward Him, and perform my duty with ease. Thanks be to God!