By Wu Fan, China

In March 1997, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. After believing in the Lord for many years, I was extremely excited to finally welcome His return. In particular, when I realized that God has returned in the last days to express the truth and thoroughly purify and save us, delivering us from sin, and that our hopes of being saved and entering the kingdom of heaven were about to be realized, I began to forsake my family and career to do my duty. During this period, the stomach problems and lower back pain that had troubled me for many years were cured without me even noticing, and I felt even more motivated to do my duty. Later, I was arrested by the police while doing my duty. The police tortured me until I was on the verge of death. I was left with a heart problem and must avoid overstimulation. If I hear sudden noises, my heart can’t take it and I fly into a panic. After my release, no matter how dangerous the situation was, I always persisted in my duty. By June 2017, things started going wrong with my health. First, I felt chest tightness, shortness of breath, and general fatigue. I felt so tired after simply taking a shower that I had to lie down for a while to recover. The back of my head felt feverish, and it felt too heavy for me to lift up. My calves became badly swollen, and when I pressed on them it left a dent, and in the evenings, I also had low-grade fevers. Later, my health became worse and worse. Half of my body felt numb and I couldn’t even sit still. Sometimes, I would have flare-ups of cervical spondylosis and the nerve compression would cause neck stiffness, insufficient blood supply to the brain, and dizziness. I couldn’t even lift a water bottle, and even sneezing would make me sweat all over. I went to the hospital for a checkup and the doctor said to me very seriously, “Your systolic blood pressure has reached 180 mmHg, and your diastolic blood pressure is at 115 mmHg. Your heart rate is 128 bpm. This is really dangerous. If you fall, you could die instantly, and even if you don’t die, the ruptured blood vessels could cause serious sequelae and lead to hemiplegia.” When I heard the doctor say this, I was immediately reminded of my father. He died of a sudden stroke brought on by high blood pressure at my age. My mother-in-law also had a stroke and became hemiplegic. She couldn’t take care of herself and she passed away after being bedridden for several years. I was a little nervous, and thought, “How did I get so seriously ill? I’m in my fifties; will I die of a sudden stroke like my father and mother-in-law?” But then I had another thought, “They didn’t believe in God and didn’t have His protection. I am a believer, so God won’t let me die if I have not completed my duty yet. He will watch over and protect me.” Later, through taking medicine and exercising, my health gradually improved. I managed to bring my blood pressure basically under control, but my heart rate was still a little fast.

In mid-2022, the CCP launched a massive unified crackdown on believers in Almighty God, and in my area, more than 30 leaders, workers, brothers, and sisters were arrested. All of the church’s work was paralyzed. One day, the upper leader, Sister Xin Yi, came to see me, and she said that my brothers and sisters had elected me to be a preacher. I thought to myself, “My heart cannot be overstimulated, and I’ve gotten high blood pressure. My health is getting worse and worse. Over the years, I have always been doing a single-task duty, and the work has been relatively relaxed, so my body has been able to take it. If I take on the duty of a preacher, the workload will be heavy. In addition, the church has just been hit by a massive wave of arrests, so there is a lot of work to be done. I’ll have to worry and pay a price, and I won’t be able to avoid staying up late. The doctor said I have heart disease and high blood pressure and need to rest more, so if I often stay up late, my condition will deteriorate. What if one day I suddenly have a stroke and die like my father did? Then wouldn’t all my years of forsaking and expenditure have been in vain? Even if I don’t die, if I suffer from sequelae, I’m left bedridden and hemiplegic like my mother-in-law, and I can’t do my duty, then won’t I still lose my opportunity to be saved and enter the kingdom?” Thinking of these consequences, I found excuses to shirk my duty, saying, “I have a shallow understanding of the truth, and I can’t do real work. I also have high blood pressure and heart disease, so I’m not suited for this duty. You should find someone else.” Seeing that I kept trying to shirk my duty, Xin Yi patiently fellowshipped with me, saying that she couldn’t find anyone suitable right away. My conscience was troubled when I heard this. I thought that although my health wasn’t very good, it wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t do my duty, and so long as I took my medicine on time, adjusted my schedule, and exercised appropriately, I would still be able to do some work. With the leaders and workers having been arrested, and no suitable people available to do the work of the church, at this critical moment, I showed no consideration for God’s intention. I was utterly selfish and despicable! So I accepted this duty. Due to the dire situation, we couldn’t go to the church to work, and almost all of the work needed to be implemented and followed up on through letters. Fortunately, I had Brother Su Ming cooperating with me. He was young and of good caliber, and he alone was responsible for many tasks. I was mainly responsible for text-based work, which was less stressful for me. Also, when I took my medicine on time, my heart disease and high blood pressure could be controlled, and I gradually got used to this duty.

One day in July 2024, the upper leaders sent a letter saying that they wanted to reassign Su Ming to do work elsewhere. When I read the letter, my head buzzed. I thought, “With Su Ming being reassigned, how am I going to handle all the upcoming work? I’m old and have limited work capabilities. Isn’t reassigning Su Ming just putting me in a tricky position?” But then I thought, “The upper leaders certainly made this arrangement out of consideration for the overall work of the church. This aligns with principles.” Nevertheless, I was still concerned about how my workload would increase after Su Ming left. How much would I have to worry and how much energy would I have to expend? I had high blood pressure and heart disease, so what if staying up late caused a blood vessel to rupture and I died from a stroke? Then wouldn’t my journey of faith in God come to an end? Even if I survived, if I was left with sequelae, I still wouldn’t be able to do my duty. Then wouldn’t I be eliminated? I was so anxious that I couldn’t eat or sleep. In the days after Su Ming left, there was a lot of work that needed to be followed up on and implemented, and I felt resistant while doing my work. On top of that, I felt short of breath and a little dizzy due to the hot weather. Having just lain down to rest for a while, I felt my heart beat faster and my head spin. I quickly got up and leaned against the bed, feeling so sick that I wanted to vomit. The image of my father’s death came to mind, and I worried even more that my condition would worsen, and I was terrified of having a sudden stroke and dropping dead. After that, whenever I felt unwell, I became distressed and anxious, constantly worried that my illness would get worse. In particular, I thought about how since I had a police record and the police were still trying to arrest me, if my illness flared up, I couldn’t go to the doctor. What would I do then? Sometimes, I learned that the states of my brothers and sisters were bad, and that the results of the text-based work were declining, and I’d want to write a letter to fellowship with them, but then I’d think about how much time and mental effort it would take, and that this meant going to bed late. If I stayed up late frequently, sooner or later I would collapse from exhaustion. So I’d decide it was more important to protect my health. If I collapsed from exhaustion, then I wouldn’t even be able to do a single-task duty. Wouldn’t I be eliminated then? So when I saw the backlog of work letters, I didn’t hurry to process them. The leaders knew my state wasn’t good and wrote to me. They also sent me God’s words to help me. I also prayed to God, asking Him to guide me to learn a lesson from this matter.

One day, I read a passage of God’s words that was really relevant to my state. Almighty God says: “Then there are those who are in poor health, who have a weak constitution and lack energy, who are often sick with major or minor illnesses, who cannot even do the basic things necessary in daily life, who cannot live or get about like normal people. Such people often feel uncomfortable and unwell while performing their duties; some are physically weak, some have real illnesses, and of course there are some who have known and potential diseases of some kind or other. Because they have such practical physical difficulties, such people often sink into negative emotions and feel distress, anxiety, and worry. What are they feeling distressed, anxious, and worried about? They worry that if they keep performing their duty like this, expending themselves and running around for God like this, and always feeling this tired, then will their health deteriorate more and more? When they reach 40 or 50, will they be confined to their beds? Do these worries hold up? Will anyone provide a concrete way of dealing with this? Who will take responsibility for this? Who will be answerable? People with poor health and who are physically unfit feel distressed, anxious, and worried about such things. People with an illness will often think, ‘Oh, I’m determined to perform my duty well, but I’ve got this illness. I ask God to keep me from harm, and with God’s protection I need not be afraid. But if I get exhausted when performing my duties, will my condition flare up? What will I do if my condition really flares up? If I need to be admitted to hospital to undergo an operation, I have no money to pay for it, so if I don’t borrow the money to pay for my treatment, will my condition get even worse? And if it gets really bad, will I die? Could such a death be considered a normal death? If I really do die, will God remember the duties I’ve performed? Will I be considered to have done good deeds? Will I attain salvation?’ There are also some who know they are sick, that is, they know they have some real illness or other, for example stomach diseases, lower back and leg pain, arthritis, rheumatism, as well as skin diseases, gynecological diseases, liver disease, hypertension, heart disease, and so on. They think, ‘If I keep performing my duty, will God’s house pay for treatment for my illness? If my illness gets worse and it affects the performance of my duty, will God heal me? Other people have been cured after believing in God, so will I be cured too? Will God cure me, just as He shows kindness to others? If I loyally perform my duty, God should heal me, but if only I wish God to heal me and He doesn’t, then what am I going to do?’ Whenever they think of these things, they get a profound feeling of anxiety rising up in their hearts. Even though they never stop performing their duty and they always do what they’re supposed to, they think constantly about their illness, their health, their future, and about their life and death. Finally, they reach the conclusion of wishfully thinking, ‘God will heal me, God will keep me safe. God won’t abandon me, and God won’t stand by and do nothing if He sees me getting sick.’ There is no basis at all for such thoughts, and they can even be said to be a kind of notion. People will never be able to resolve their practical difficulties with such notions and imaginings as these, and in their innermost hearts, they feel vaguely distressed, anxious, and worried about their health and their illnesses; they have no idea who will take responsibility for these things, or whether anyone will take responsibility for them at all” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). What God’s words exposed was exactly my state. I had been living in a despondent state of being anxious about my illness. When the brothers and sisters elected me as a preacher, I worried that the work would be busy and mentally exhausting, which would be bad for my health, and so I kept shirking my duty. Though I later accepted it, when the upper leaders transferred Su Ming and the workload increased, I felt resistant. I worried that my duty was too tiring and wondered what would happen if my illness worsened and I could no longer do my duty—and as a result couldn’t be saved. Moreover, I had a police record and the police were trying to arrest me, so if I got seriously ill and couldn’t go to the hospital, what would happen if I died? My thoughts were completely occupied by my illness. Although I seemed to be doing my duty, my attitude wasn’t as positive as before, and when I saw that the brothers and sisters were in bad states and the results of the text-based work were declining, I didn’t write to follow up on or resolve this, but instead I approached my duty in a perfunctory manner. I didn’t pray to seek God’s intention regarding my illness, but fretted constantly about gains and losses relating to my future and destination. I lived in distress and anxiety, was unable to gain any release, and I didn’t do my duty well. I realized that I wasn’t pursuing the truth at all.

In my seeking, I read two passages of God’s words: “In their belief, antichrists only wish to be blessed, and they do not want to suffer adversity. When they see someone who is blessed, who has benefited, who has been graced, and who has received more material enjoyments, great advantages, they believe that this is done by God; and if they do not receive such material blessings, then this is not the action of God. The implication is, ‘If you really are god, then you can only bless people; you should avert people’s adversity and not allow them to meet with suffering. Only then is there a value and a point to people believing in you. If, after following you, people are still beset by adversity, if they still suffer, then what is the point of believing in you?’ They do not admit that all things and events are in the hands of God, that God holds sovereignty over all. And why don’t they admit this? Because antichrists are afraid of suffering adversity. They want only to benefit, to take advantage, to enjoy blessings; they wish not to accept God’s sovereignty or orchestration, but only to receive benefits from God. This is the selfish and despicable point of view of antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Ten: They Despise the Truth, Brazenly Flout Principles, and Ignore the Arrangements of God’s House (Part Six)). “All corrupt humans live for themselves. Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost—this is the summation of human nature. People believe in God for their own sake; when they forsake things and expend themselves for God, it is in order to be blessed, and when they are loyal to Him, it is still in order to be rewarded. In sum, it is all done for the purpose of being blessed, rewarded, and entering the kingdom of heaven. In society, people work for their own benefit, and in the house of God, they do a duty in order to be blessed. It is for the sake of gaining blessings that people forsake everything and can endure much suffering. There is no better evidence of man’s satanic nature” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God exposes that antichrists live by the satanic rule of “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.” They believe that they should receive blessings and benefits for believing in God. When there is profit to be had or blessings to be gained, they will forsake and expend themselves, but as soon as they think they can’t obtain any blessings or benefits and instead have to suffer hardship and misfortune, they become unwilling to expend themselves, and even think that believing in God is meaningless. I saw that the disposition I had revealed was the same as that of an antichrist. Ever since I found the Lord, I’d been seeking to gain blessings and to go to heaven. After accepting Almighty God’s work of the last days, when I saw that my hopes of being blessed and entering the kingdom of heaven were about to be realized, I left everything behind to do my duty. During this period, the stomach and lower back pain that I’d been suffering for many years were cured, and my motivation to do my duty redoubled. Even though I was arrested and tortured, I still persisted in doing my duty after being released. But as I got older, I developed high blood pressure and heart disease, and so I began to worry that I’d have a sudden stroke and die or become hemiplegic, losing my chance to be saved and enter the kingdom of heaven. So I wanted to take on a lighter duty. When my partner at the time, Su Ming, was transferred, my workload suddenly increased, and I was concerned that if I worried too much and got too exhausted, my condition would get worse. So when I found out that the brothers and sisters were in bad states, I didn’t hurry to resolve their issues, nor did I rush to implement the work that needed to be implemented. Even when I did do some work, I did so with emotions of resistance, worrying that I would develop health problems. In fact, Su Ming’s transfer to do his duty elsewhere was beneficial to the work of the church. Anyone with conscience and reason would have let go of their personal interests and put the interests of the church first, accepting and submitting to the arrangements of the church, but for my own interests, I didn’t want to let Su Ming leave and I even felt resistant toward the upper leaders’ decision to reassign him. I thought the leaders were making things difficult for me, and I desperately hoped they would change their mind and not have Su Ming leave. I realized that I had been living by the satanic poison of “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” that everything I had done had been for my own sake, and that I hadn’t cared about the work of the church at all. I’d been truly selfish and despicable! This made me think of God’s words: “God is forever supreme and forever honorable, while man is forever base and forever worthless. This is because God is forever devoting Himself and expending for mankind, whereas man forever solicits and strives only for himself. God is forever taking pains for mankind’s survival, yet man never contributes anything for the sake of justice or the light, and even if man makes a temporary effort, it cannot withstand a single blow, for the effort of man is always for his own sake and not for others. Man is forever selfish, while God is forever selfless. God is the origin of all that is just, good, and beautiful, while man is the one who succeeds to and expresses all ugliness and evil. God will never alter His essence of justice and beauty, yet man may betray justice and distance himself from God at any time and in any situation” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. It Is Very Important to Understand God’s Disposition). As I pondered God’s words, I was extremely moved. The essence of God is selfless, and everything God does is for mankind. In order for mankind to survive on earth, God created that which humans need to survive—the air, sunlight, the rain, the sun, the moon, and the stars as well as all the fruits and vegetables, and so on. To save mankind, He became flesh to bear our sins, and He was nailed to the cross for us. In the last days, God became flesh and came to earth once again to completely save mankind, expressing all the truths for our salvation and purification. Even though people do not know God, and they deny and reject Him, God is still quietly carrying out His work of saving people, and He’s still expressing the truth to provide for people. I saw that God’s essence is truly beautiful and kind, and that God is so selfless! I, on the other hand, had always lived by the satanic thoughts and ideas of “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” and “Never lift a finger without a reward.” Even though I did forsake, expend, suffer, and pay a price to a small extent in my duty, it was all so I could gain blessings and grace. When my health declined and I suffered from illness, I started to be selective in my duty and I began to hold back. I thought of myself at every turn, I was anxious about my future, and I didn’t give my all. When I saw that brothers and sisters were in bad states and that this was impacting their duties, I didn’t try to think of ways to resolve this, and I didn’t consider the interests of the church at all. I saw that my nature was selfish and that all my deeds and actions had been for my own sake. I used to think that I was pretty good, as over my years of believing in God, I had left my family and career behind to do my duty, and even though I was arrested, persecuted, and tortured by the CCP, I continued to preach the gospel and do my duty after I was released. I felt that I had changed somewhat and that I was somewhat loyal to God. If it hadn’t been for this illness, I’d never have understood the impurities in my faith. Now, I truly experienced God’s words: “When sickness befalls, this is God’s love, and surely His goodwill is harbored within” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 6). It turns out that God’s love and God’s good intention were behind my illness. God used illness to cleanse and transform my corrupt disposition, making me let go of my unreasonable demands of God and abandon my extravagant desires. This was God’s intention and painstaking care! When I understood this, I felt ashamed and remorseful, and I hated myself for being so selfish and despicable. I resolved to myself that I would be sure to do my duty well.

After that, I sought and pondered how to approach death correctly. I read the words of God: “Everyone must face death in this life, that is, death is what everyone must face at the end of their journey. However, there are many different attributes to death. One of these is, at the time predestined by God, you have completed your mission and God draws a line under your fleshly life, and your fleshly life comes to an end, though this doesn’t mean that your life is over. When a person is without flesh, their life is over—is that the case? (No.) The form in which your life exists after death depends on how you treated God’s work and words while you were alive—this is very important. The form in which you exist after death, or whether you will exist or not, will depend upon your attitude toward God and toward the truth while you are alive. If while you are alive, when you face death and all manner of illnesses, your attitude toward the truth is one of rebelliousness, opposition, and feeling averse toward the truth, then when it comes time for your fleshly life to be over, in what way will you exist after death? You will certainly exist in some other way, and your life will certainly not continue. Conversely, if while you are alive, when you have awareness in the flesh, your attitude toward the truth and toward God is one of submission and loyalty and you have true faith, then even though your fleshly life comes to an end, your life will go on to exist in a different form in another world. This is one explanation of death” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). “Whatever matter people find themselves dealing with, they should always approach it with an active, positive attitude, and this is even more true when it comes to the matter of death. Having an active, positive attitude does not mean going along with death, waiting for death, or positively and actively pursuing death. If it doesn’t mean pursuing death, going along with death, or waiting for death, what does it mean? (Submitting.) Submission is a kind of attitude toward the matter of death, and letting go of death and not thinking about it is the best way to handle it” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). From God’s words, I understood that God is sovereign over and preordains birth, aging, sickness, and death. We cannot choose these things ourselves. If it is not your time to die, you cannot die even if you want to; if it is your time to die, you cannot live even one more day, however much you want to. As created beings, we should reasonably accept and submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. I thought of a colleague of my wife’s. On his way home from work, he saw that someone had had a car accident and was in a critical condition. He went to see what was going on, and he ended up being hit by an electric bike, dying right there when his head hit the ground. In addition, a doctor I knew generally paid particular attention to her health and kept exercising each day. She was in great health, but one day when she went out to exercise, she was accidentally hit by a car and died on the spot. From these things, we can see that one’s health and lifespan have no connection, and that when your time comes, you will die no matter how healthy you are. Even if you are sick, you cannot die before your time. No one can escape the laws of birth, aging, sickness, and death preordained by God. I couldn’t see through these things, and I always worried about my heart disease and high blood pressure, and about suffering a sudden stroke one day if I didn’t obey the doctor’s orders to rest more and take better care of myself. If the stroke was mild, I could be bedridden like my mother-in-law and unable to take care of myself, and if the stroke was severe, I could die like my father. I had believed in God for many years but I didn’t believe my life and death to be in God’s hands and under God’s sovereignty. Instead, I believed what the doctor said and always tried to resolve things with human methods. I believed that if I did a single-task duty, rested more, and worked less, my illness wouldn’t worsen, and that I wouldn’t die so long as I kept my illness under control. I saw how completely absurd this was of me! How did I have any real faith in God? Now I understood that if God has preordained that my lifespan is over, I will die even if I am healthy and free from illness. But if my lifespan has not come to an end, I will not die even if I have high blood pressure, heart disease, or even something as serious as cancer. When one day my mission is complete and the day God has preordained for me comes, I should face it positively, and accept and submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. This is the sense of reason I should have. Right now, it is my responsibility to fulfill my duty. When I understood these things, my attitude toward my duty turned around somewhat, and I actually participated in the various tasks of the church’s work. When things happened, I cooperated with everyone to discuss solutions. Recently, a lot of brothers and sisters in the church had been sold out by Judases, many homes where the books of God’s words were being kept had come to face safety risks, and these books needed to be transferred to a safe place as soon as possible. Because this involved many different things, I had to write letters to do lots of fellowship on principles with brothers and sisters and remind them of the things they should pay attention to. I stayed up late almost every night during those days. Moreover, this was an urgent matter, and there were many things to consider. When I got anxious, coupled with the late nights, I got headaches and sometimes I couldn’t breathe, so I then began to worry that if this continued, something would happen to my health. Later, I read God’s words: “Whether you are sick or in pain, as long as you have a single breath left, as long as you are still living, as long as you can still speak and walk, then you have the energy to perform your duty, and you should be well-behaved in the performance of your duty with your feet planted firmly on the ground. You must not abandon the duty of a created being or the responsibility given to you by the Creator. As long as you are not yet dead, you should complete your duty and fulfill it well” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God’s words gave me faith and strength, and I understood that a duty is a mission that is perfectly natural and justified for people to complete. As a created being, fulfilling my duty is the most valuable and meaningful thing there is, and without doing this, I don’t deserve to carry on living. So I prayed as I wrote the letters. The brother I was cooperating with helped me check and supplement the letters, and we arranged everything as thoroughly as possible. After a period of hard work, all the books of God’s words were safely transferred. We all thanked God in our hearts, and I had more faith to fulfill my duty.

Having been revealed by this illness, I gained some understanding of the incorrect views in my belief in God, I came to understand God’s intentions a little more, and, no longer constrained by sickness and death, I was able to do my duty normally. All this was God’s grace and blessing! Thank God!