By Jiaming, China

I received a letter from my church leader one day in July 2017 saying the church was cleansing away disbelievers, and asking me to write an assessment of my brother’s behavior. I was surprised, and a bit nervous. Was the church about to clear my brother out? Otherwise, why would they have me write about his behavior? I knew that he didn’t read God’s word or attend gatherings in his free time, but was instead always out having fun with his friends, following worldly trends, and not displaying any interest in matters of faith. He even told me not to be so focused on faith, but to get out into the world more, like him. I tried to fellowship on God’s word with him, but he wouldn’t listen and even got annoyed, saying, “Enough, already! There’s no point in you telling me all this stuff. I don’t care!” Then he just went to bed. The brothers and sisters offered him fellowship plenty of times, advising him to read God’s word and go to gatherings, but he wouldn’t accept it. He said believing in God was very restrictive, that he always had to find time to attend gatherings, and that joining the church in the first place wasn’t even his choice—he only did it to appease our mother. This was how he had always been. Judging from that, he really was a disbeliever, and it would be in line with the principles if he were cleared out from the church. But we’d always been close. Since we were little, he’d always save extra food for me when he got something good to eat, and give me half of any money people gave to him. Once, a teacher gave me detention after school, and my brother got so upset that he cried. Most siblings in our village weren’t as close as we were. Thinking about all that, I couldn’t bear to write about his problems; I didn’t want to break our bond. If I were honest about his behavior, and the church ended up clearing him out, then wouldn’t he have no chance at salvation? Wouldn’t that be cruel and heartless of me? What if he found out what I’d written about him and never spoke to me again? I decided to write something more positive, saying he read God’s word sometimes, and that even though he didn’t go to gatherings, in his heart he still believed in God. That would give him some leeway. When the leader read it, she might fellowship with him more and maybe he wouldn’t be cleared out. And yet, if I wasn’t honest about his behavior, that would be lying and covering up the truth. That would mislead our brothers and sisters and disrupt the church’s work. On one side was the church’s work, and on the other, my brother. I didn’t know which side to choose. I was really upset, and couldn’t calm down enough to do my duty. The thought of putting pen to paper and writing about his behavior made my mind go blank; I didn’t know where to begin. The more I thought about it, the more lost I felt, so I silently prayed, “God, I want to be fair in my brother’s assessment, but I’m constrained by affection, so I can’t do it. Please guide me to not be ruled by affection in my approach, but to instead follow Your word.”

I read this passage of God’s word after praying: “Those who drag their utterly nonbelieving children and relatives into church are all extremely selfish, and they are just exhibiting kindness. These people only focus on being loving, regardless of whether they believe or not and regardless of whether it is God’s intention. Some bring their wives before God, or drag their parents before God, and whether or not the Holy Spirit agrees with this or is working in them, they blindly continue to ‘adopt talented people’ for God. What benefit can possibly be gained from extending kindness toward these nonbelievers? Even if they, who are without the presence of the Holy Spirit, struggle to follow God, they still cannot be saved as one might believe. Those who can receive salvation are not actually so easy to obtain. People who have not undergone the Holy Spirit’s work and trials, and have not been perfected by God incarnate, are utterly incapable of being made complete. Therefore, from the moment they begin to nominally follow God, those people lack the Holy Spirit’s presence. In light of their conditions and actual states, they simply cannot be made complete. As such, the Holy Spirit decides not to expend much energy upon them, nor does He provide any enlightenment or guide them in any way; He merely allows them to follow along, and will ultimately reveal their outcomes—this is enough” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). Reading God’s word, I understood that wanting to say nice things about my brother to keep him in the church and give him a chance at salvation was my own wishful thinking. God’s word very clearly tells us that those who don’t truly follow God, but who believe in Him in name only, cannot be saved. God only saves those who love and accept the truth. Only that kind of person can gain the presence and work of the Holy Spirit, understand and obtain the truth, and ultimately be saved by God and survive the disasters. In essence, disbelievers are averse to the truth. They can never accept the truth, and no matter how long they believe, their perspectives, outlooks on life, and values never change. They’re just like nonbelievers. God doesn’t acknowledge them, and they’ll never gain the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment or guidance. They can follow until the end, but they’ll never change their life dispositions—they can’t be saved. Thinking about my brother’s behavior, he didn’t love the truth, he was averse to it. He placed his values in worldly pleasures just like a nonbeliever, not in reading God’s word or going to gatherings, and definitely not in doing his duty. He even often said, “Believing in God is pointless. It doesn’t matter whether you believe or not.” He wouldn’t listen to anyone’s fellowship, and too much would annoy him. Judging from my brother’s overall behavior, he was a disbeliever, and God wouldn’t acknowledge him at all. He would never gain the Holy Spirit’s work or achieve understanding of the truth. No matter how nicely I wrote about him to keep him in the church, he’d never be saved. Since at this point I already determined that he was a disbeliever, if I got caught up in affection and covered for him to have him stay in the church, wouldn’t I be clearly violating the principles? If I didn’t fairly and accurately write my brother’s assessment based on the facts, but instead misguided my brothers and sisters to keep someone in the church who should have been cleansed away, wouldn’t that be hindering the church’s work? Realizing how serious the consequences would be, I knew I had to let go of my affection, follow the principles, and give the church accurate information about my brother—only that would be in line with God’s intentions. Knowing this, I wrote my brother’s assessment and handed it to the leader, feeling like I had finally done the right thing. In the end, according to the principles, the church cleared him out, and I was able to calmly accept that outcome. Thanks to the guidance of God’s word, I didn’t act according to my affection and protect my brother, but instead evaluated him fairly and objectively. I was very grateful to God.

Then, in July 2021, the church leader asked me to write an assessment of my mother. I thought of how she wasn’t sharing the gospel according to principles lately, which nearly got some brothers and sisters arrested. When others pointed out her problem, she wouldn’t accept it, instead squabbling endlessly over what actually happened. The brothers and sisters didn’t dare bring up any of her issues after that. In fact, that wasn’t the first or second time my mother had stirred up trouble. Once, during a gathering, a leader asked another sister to read God’s word instead of my mother. My mother started saying that the leader was oppressing her and was a false leader. A sister noticed how loud she was being and asked her to keep her voice down and be aware of the environment. My mother accused the sister of just trying to find fault with her, and told her not to come back next time. She would bicker endlessly over every little thing and was a troublemaker in gatherings. She’d become a disturbance to church life. The brothers and sisters fellowshipped with her and pruned her many times, hoping she’d reflect and repent, but she wouldn’t accept it. She even twisted the facts, saying she only said one little thing wrong and people were making a big deal of it. She wouldn’t accept the truth. According to the principles, someone with such behavior should be isolated for self-reflection to keep them from disrupting and impacting the brothers’ and sisters’ gatherings. I knew I should accurately write about her behavior for the church as soon as possible, but then I thought about how much she hated losing face and how explosive her temper was. She tended to give the cold shoulder to anyone who criticized her. If she knew I’d written about her issues, would she be able to take it? Wouldn’t it be humiliating for her if she knew I said those things about her? Would she become negative and give up her faith? The more I thought about it, the more upset I became, and I kept thinking of all the ways she’d shown me love and care in the past. Once, when I was little and had a high fever in the middle of the night, she carried me on her back to the doctor in a neighboring village. My fever was so high that the doctor was too afraid to see me, so that same night my mother carried me even farther to the town hospital. She always helped me with everything in my life, thinking of every tiny detail. She gave birth to me and raised me, shared the gospel with me, brought me before God, and supported me in my duty. She was so good to me—if I exposed her, wouldn’t that be heartless? Wouldn’t it be hurtful for her? If others knew I had personally exposed her disruption of church life, would they criticize me for being too ruthless and cold-hearted toward my own mother? Would they say I was an ungrateful wretch of a son? I knew my mother wasn’t someone who accepted the truth, but she’d been so caring toward me. She was my own mother, after all. So, even though the leader kept pressing me to write her assessment, I continued to put it off. In the past, we’d been a family of believers. We’d sing hymns and pray together, read God’s word and talk about our feelings. It was such a happy time, and sometimes those memories would surface in my mind. But now, my brother had been cleared out, and my mother was potentially going to be isolated so that she could engage in self-reflection. I was miserable and didn’t know how to face the situation. I wasn’t in the mood to perform my duty, and I didn’t feel a burden to seek the truth to help my brothers and sisters with their problems. I was just going through the motions in gatherings, absent-minded and unable to fellowship about anything. I was muddling through the days, truly suffering. I knew I wasn’t in a good state, so I came before God and prayed, asking Him to guide me out of my negativity so that I wouldn’t be constrained by affection.

Later, I read God’s word: “What issues relate to feelings? First is how you evaluate your own family members, and how you approach the things they do. ‘The things they do’ here naturally include when they disrupt and disturb the church’s work, when they pass judgment on people behind their backs, when they engage in some of the practices of disbelievers, and so on. Can you approach these things impartially? When it is necessary for you to write an evaluation of your family members, can you do so objectively and impartially, putting your own feelings aside? This relates to how you approach your family members. Furthermore, do you harbor feelings toward those who you get along with or who previously helped you? Are you able to view their actions and comportment in an objective, impartial, and accurate way? If they disrupt and disturb the work of the church, will you be able to promptly report or expose them after you find out about it?” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (2)). “Say, for example, that your relatives or parents are believers in God, and because of evildoing, creating disturbances, or not having any acceptance of the truth, they are cleared out. However, you are not discerning toward them, don’t know why they were cleared out, feel extremely upset, and are always complaining that God’s house has no love and is not fair to people. You should pray to God and seek the truth, then evaluate just what kind of people these relatives are based on God’s words. If you truly understand the truth, you will be able to accurately define them, and you will see that everything God does is right, and that He is a righteous God. Then, you will have no complaints, will be able to submit to God’s arrangements, and will not try to defend your relatives or parents. The point here is not to sever your kinship; it is just to define what kind of people they are, and make it so that you are discerning toward them, and know why they were eliminated. If these things are truly clear to you in your heart, and your views are correct and in line with the truth, then you will be able to stand on the same side as God, and your views on the matter will be fully compatible with God’s words. If you are not able to accept the truth or view people according to God’s words, and still side with relationships and perspectives of the flesh when viewing people, then you will never be able to cast off this fleshly relationship, and will still treat these people as your kin—closer even than your brothers and sisters at church, in which case there will be a contradiction between God’s words and your views toward your family in this matter—a conflict, even, and in such circumstances, it would be impossible for you to stand on the side of God, and you would have notions and misunderstandings about God. Thus, if people are to achieve compatibility with God, first of all, their views on matters must be in line with God’s words; they must be able to view people and things based on God’s words, accept that God’s words are the truth, and be able to put aside the traditional notions of man. Regardless of what person or matter you are faced with, you must be able to maintain the same perspectives and views as God, and your perspectives and views must be in harmony with the truth. This way, your views and the way you approach people will not be hostile to God, and you will be capable of submission to God and compatibility with God. Such people could never possibly resist God again; they are the very people that God wishes to gain” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Identify the Nature Essence of Paul). God’s word helped me understand that we can’t assess things or people from an emotional perspective. We must abide by the truth of God’s word to discern someone’s nature essence, and what sort of person they are. This is the proper way to assess someone, assuring we don’t fall prey to affection. I was always analyzing the situation with my mother from an emotional perspective, thinking about how she gave birth to me and how she loved and cared for me. This made it too difficult for me to pick up the pen and write a truthful assessment. But God says we need discernment over people based on their nature essence; being able to discern their nature essence is the only way to free ourselves from affection and treat them fairly and according to principles. What kind of person was my mother, really? She was enthusiastic and caring toward others in her everyday life, but that just means she was warm-hearted. She took great care of me, but that just means she fulfilled a mother’s responsibility. By nature, however, she was arrogant and wouldn’t accept the truth. She’d become judgmental and resistant toward anyone who pointed out her issues or pruned her, and would sulk over it. When it was bad, she’d even engage in conflicts with others and badger them endlessly, which was constraining for others. Based on her behavior, if she kept gathering with the brothers and sisters, she was sure to disrupt church life and hold up others’ entry into life. If she were isolated for self-reflection according to the principles, everyone could have proper gatherings once again, and that arrangement would be a warning to her. If she truly reflected and learned about herself, it would be beneficial to her life. But if she resisted and rejected it, or even abandoned her faith, she’d be exposed and eliminated. Then I would see her nature essence more clearly, whether she was a weed or wheat would be obvious at a glance, and there would be no reason for me to try to keep her in the church. At that point I understood God’s intention. God set up this situation hoping I’d gain discernment and learn to see people’s nature essence according to His word, so I could set affection aside in my actions and treat people according to principle.

After this, I read another passage of God’s word: “Who is Satan, who are demons, and who are God’s enemies if not resisters who do not believe in God? Are they not those people who are rebellious against God? Are they not those who claim to have faith, yet who lack truth? Are they not those who merely seek to obtain blessings while being unable to bear witness for God? You still mingle with those demons today and treat them with conscience and love, but in this case are you not extending good intentions toward Satan? Are you not in league with demons? If people have made it to this point and are still unable to distinguish between good and evil, and continue to blindly be loving and merciful without any desire to seek God’s intentions or being able in any way to take God’s intentions as their own, then their endings will be all the more wretched. Anyone who does not believe in the God in the flesh is an enemy of God. If you can bear conscience and love toward an enemy, do you not lack a sense of justice? If you are compatible with those which I detest and with which I disagree, and still bear love or personal feelings toward them, then are you not rebellious? Are you not intentionally resisting God? Does such a person possess truth? If people bear conscience toward enemies, love for demons, and mercy for Satan, then are they not intentionally disrupting God’s work?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). God’s word revealed my precise state. I knew my mother had believed in God for years but wouldn’t accept the truth, and when others tried to help her with her issues, to prune her, she couldn’t accept it from God. She was always quibbling over every little thing and disrupting church life, serving as Satan’s minion. But I wouldn’t stand up and expose her, I just kept covering things up and shielding her. I thought that not exposing her or writing a truthful assessment was the conscientious thing to do. In actuality, I was showing love and a conscience for Satan, not remotely considering the work of the church or whether my brothers’ and sisters’ entry into life might suffer harm. I was taking Satan’s side and speaking for Satan. Wasn’t this what God called “intentionally resisting God”? My love was without principle, and I didn’t know right from wrong—it was a confused love. I was shielding my mother, enabling her to continue disrupting church life. I played a part in her evil. Acting this way, wasn’t I hurting others and myself? I was blinded by affection, paralyzed by it. The leader urged me multiple times to write an assessment of my mother, but I kept putting it off and delaying church work. Realizing this, my heart was consumed by guilt. I didn’t know why I couldn’t help but be constrained by affection while facing this situation. What was the real problem? I came before God to pray and seek, asking Him to guide me to understand my issues.

I read a passage of God’s word, which helped me gain further insight into myself. God’s words say: “By what principle do God’s words ask that people treat others? Love what God loves, and hate what God hates: This is the principle that should be adhered to. God loves those who pursue the truth and are able to follow His will; these are also the people that we should love. Those who are not able to follow God’s will, who hate and rebel against God—these people are detested by God, and we should detest them, too. This is what God asks of man. … If a person is someone who denies and opposes God, who is cursed by God, but they are a parent or relative of yours, they don’t appear to be an evil person as far as you can tell, and they treat you well, then you might find yourself unable to hate that person, and might even remain in close contact with them, your relationship unchanged. Hearing that God hates such people will trouble you, and you are unable to stand on the side of God and ruthlessly reject them. You’re always constrained by feelings, and you cannot fully let go of them. What is the reason for this? This happens because your feelings are too strong, and they hinder you from practicing the truth. That person is good to you, so you can’t bring yourself to hate them. You could only hate them if they did hurt you. Would that hatred be in line with the truth principles? Also, you’re bound by traditional notions, thinking that they are a parent or relative, so if you hate them, you would be scorned by society and reviled by public opinion, condemned as unfilial, without a conscience, and not even human. You think you would suffer divine condemnation and punishment. Even if you want to hate them, your conscience won’t let you. Why does your conscience function this way? It’s because a way of thinking has been sown within you since you were a child, through the inheritance of your family, the education given to you by your parents, and the indoctrination of traditional culture. This way of thinking is rooted very deeply in your heart, and it makes you mistakenly believe that filial piety is perfectly natural and justified, and that anything inherited from your ancestors is always good. You learned it first and it remains dominant, creating a great stumbling block and disturbance in your faith and acceptance of the truth, leaving you unable to put God’s words into practice, and to love what God loves, hate what God hates. You know in your heart that your life came from God, not from your parents, and you also know that your parents not only don’t believe in God, but resist God, that God hates them and you should submit to God, stand on His side, but you just can’t bring yourself to hate them, even if you want to. You can’t turn that corner, you can’t steel your heart, and you cannot practice the truth. What’s the root of this? Satan uses this kind of traditional culture and notions of morality to bind your thoughts, your mind, and your heart, leaving you unable to accept God’s words; you have been possessed by these things of Satan, and rendered incapable of accepting God’s words. When you want to practice God’s words, these things cause disturbance within you, cause you to oppose the truth and God’s requirements, and make you powerless to rid yourself of the yoke of traditional culture. After struggling for a while, you compromise: You prefer to believe traditional notions of morality are correct and in line with the truth, and so you reject or forsake God’s words. You do not accept God’s words as the truth and you think nothing of being saved, feeling that you still live in this world, and can only survive by relying on these people. Unable to endure society’s recrimination, you would rather choose to give up the truth and God’s words, abandoning yourself to traditional notions of morality and the influence of Satan, preferring to offend God and not practice the truth. Is man not pitiful? Do they not have need of God’s salvation?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). I understood from God’s word that He requires us to love what He loves and hate what He hates. The Lord Jesus also once said: “Who is My mother? And who are My brothers? … whoever shall follow the will of My Father which is in heaven, the same is My brother, and sister, and mother” (Matthew 12:48, 50). God loves those who pursue the truth and are able to accept it. These are the only type of people I should call brothers and sisters; the only type I should love, and aid out of love. Those who are averse to the truth and never practice it are all disbelievers, not brothers and sisters. Even if they are our parents or relatives, we should discern and expose them according to the truth principles. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be filial to our parents, or won’t care for them in the future, but it means we should treat them rationally and fairly, according to their nature essence. Yet “Blood is thicker than water” and “Man is not inanimate; how can he be free from emotions?” were satanic poisons I was steeped in. I wasn’t principled in how I treated people, and I always protected and sided with my family based on affection. When I was writing my brother’s assessment, I knew he’d already revealed himself to be a disbeliever and should be cleared out from the church, but I was caught up in my affections and didn’t want to write out the truth. I wanted to conceal the facts and deceive my brothers and sisters. When the leader asked me to write my mother’s assessment, I knew she was disruptive to church life and that I should write an accurate, objective assessment to help the leader expose and restrict her. But thinking of her as my mother, and how good she was to me, I was afraid that if I wrote honestly about her behavior, I’d always feel guilty and wouldn’t be able to live with it. I was also afraid others would think I was ruthless and cold-blooded. Full of misgivings and apprehension, I kept putting it off. I saw that these satanic poisons were deeply rooted in my heart, pinning me to my affections. They made me unprincipled in my dealings with others, and kept me from upholding the work of the church. I was standing on the side of Satan, rebelling against and resisting God. The fact was, my mother and brother were both disbelievers, and exposing their behavior was the just thing to do. It was protecting the church’s work and following God’s requirements. It was loving what God loves, and hating what God hates, and a testimony of practicing the truth. But I saw practicing the truth and exposing Satan as something negative; I saw it as heartless, unconscientious, and treacherous. How confused I was! I was mistaking black for white, good for bad. I was tied down by my affections and consumed by negativity because of it, with no motivation to do my duty. Without God’s timely enlightenment and guidance, my affections would have done me in. Living within my affections was nearly the end of me. I was truly playing with fire.

Later, I did more self-reflection, realizing my reluctance to write about my mother stemmed from another misconception—namely, that exposing her would be heartless of me, as she raised me with such kindness. I read a passage of God’s word that changed my perspective on this. God’s words say: “God created this world and brought man, a living being unto which He bestowed life, into it. Next, man came to have parents and kin, and was no longer alone. Ever since man first laid eyes on this material world, he was destined to exist within the ordination of God. The breath of life from God supports each and every living being throughout growth into adulthood. During this process, no one feels that man is growing up under the care of God; rather, they believe that man is doing so under the loving care of his parents, and that it is his own life instinct that directs his growing up. This is because man knows not who bestowed his life, or from whence it came, much less the way in which the instinct of life creates miracles. He knows only that food is the basis on which his life continues, that perseverance is the source of his existence, and that the beliefs in his mind are the capital upon which his survival depends. Of God’s grace and provision, man is utterly oblivious, and thus does he fritter away the life bestowed upon him by God…. Not a single one of this humanity that God cares for day and night takes it upon themselves to worship Him. God only continues to work on man, for whom He holds out no expectations, as He has planned. He does so in the hope that one day, man will awaken from his dream and suddenly realize the value and meaning of life, the price God paid for all that He has given him, and the eager solicitude with which God waits for man to turn back to Him” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God Is the Source of Man’s Life). I learned from God’s word that from the outside, it looks like my mother gave birth to me and raised me, and she has been the one caring for me in life. In reality, however, the source of human life is God, and everything I’ve enjoyed has been given by God. God gave me life, and arranged my family and home for me. It was also God’s arrangements that allowed me to hear His voice and come before Him. I should be thanking God, and I should practice the truth in all things that come before me to satisfy God and repay His love. I shouldn’t stand on the side of my family and act for Satan, hindering the church’s work. Realizing this was a wake-up call for me. I had to come before God to repent, and I couldn’t keep following my affections. After that, I accurately exposed my mother’s disruptive behavior to church life.

A month later, I was elected to be a church leader. I learned that some church members still hadn’t fully discerned my mother’s behavior. I thought, “I should talk to them about how my mother had been disruptive to church life, so they can learn to discern and treat her according to the truth principles.” But just as I was about to, I felt conflicted. If, during fellowship and dissection, the brothers and sisters did gain discernment over my mother’s behavior, would they abandon her? Would this upset my mother? I felt that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I realized I was being constrained by affection again and remembered the word of God that I had read previously—that I should love what God loves and hate what He hates. My mother caused problems in church life, and that is something God hates. I couldn’t keep shielding her out of affection. It was my responsibility to expose and dissect the situation, according to the truth principles, so the brothers and sisters could gain discernment. So, I fellowshipped about and dissected how my mother had disrupted church life, and the others gained some discernment and learned some lessons. Most people ended up agreeing that she should be isolated for self-reflection. After putting this into practice, I felt relaxed and at peace. I thank God from the bottom of my heart for the guidance and enlightenment of His word in helping me understand the truth, find principles to practice, and understand how to treat my family members. Without that, I would still be constrained by affection, doing things to resist God. These experiences have shown me that in treating people and handling situations within the church, all must be done according to the truth principles. Only this is in line with God’s intention. It is the only way to feel free and gain a sense of inner peace. Thanks be to God!