A Doctor’s Repentance

October 21, 2024

By Yang Fan, China

When I started practicing medicine, I always strove hard to be kind and professional. Moreover, I treated people well, and made accurate diagnoses. Before long, I’d earned the trust of everyone in our neighborhood. Years later, I discovered my peers had all bought cars and were living in big houses, but my family still lived in our old bungalow, and I still rode a bicycle. My twin sons were growing up fast and there was so much to pay for, but I still didn’t have much money. When I thought about our finances, I couldn’t eat or sleep. I wondered: “Why is it that I’m barely managing to scrape by, but all these other doctors make so much money?”

One time, I was chatting with some of my peers, friends of mine. I asked them how they managed to make so much money. Doctor Sun said, “The central authorities have said: ‘It doesn’t matter whether a cat is white or black, as long as it can catch mice, it is a good cat.’ Money is everything in today’s society. Earning money is a skill in itself. But if you let your conscience get in the way, you’ll be poor your whole life!” The other one, Doctor Li, said: “If you want to earn more, you need to retain patients. While you’re treating them, give them some hormones. It’ll heal them quickly, and the patients will be satisfied. You’ll get a good reputation, more patients will come, and you’ll get more money.” Another doctor, Doctor Jin, said: “‘There is another trick: treating small illnesses with big cures.’ If someone comes in with a cough caused by a cold, the normal cure won’t make you much money. Treat it like it’s pneumonia. The treatment will work, you’ll earn more money, and the patient will be satisfied too. Everyone’s a winner.” Hearing that they all had their own ways of making money, I was rather alarmed. Making money off patients like this, without conscience, was this medically ethical? Was this how doctors should conduct themselves? Was this not really low-down behavior? But I also thought about the big houses they lived in, the nice cars they drove, and how confidently they all spoke. Whereas I was still riding around on a bicycle, and was so poor. If I didn’t do as they said, then how was I going to earn more money? When was I going to be able to give my family a good life? Besides, it seemed like everyone was this way. Even if I kept practicing medicine ethically, I couldn’t change society. With the promise of more money, I began to ignore my conscience and decided to try out the methods that my peers had taught me. I overtreated patients and sold them excessive medications to make more money.

One day, a patient came in with a toothache. It was gingivitis, which could have been treated with some cheap medicine. But I thought of what Doctor Jin had said: “Treat small illnesses with big cures.” So, I prescribed both Western and traditional Chinese medicine, and some intramuscular injections. I was afraid the patient would refuse so much medicine, so I feigned compassion and said: “It’s a lot of medicine, but it’ll treat the root of your symptoms.” The patient just clutched his cheek and nodded, then paid the money and left without a word. Watching him as he left, the anxiety I’d felt began to slowly ease up. Though I was a little uneasy, I’d made a lot more money than usual, and that feeling soon went away. Another time, a mother came in with her five-year-old son. He’d caught a cold and was coughing, so he only needed a few days’ worth of cheap medicine. But then I remembered that this kind of treatment wouldn’t make me much money. So, I said to the child’s mother: “Your son has tracheitis. He needs an IV drip right away, or it’ll turn into pneumonia.” She was shocked, but she believed everything I told her without question, and I put her son on an IV drip for four days. I saw that the money I was making was several times more than what I used to make. I felt uneasy, but, again, I thought about what the other doctors had said, “Conscience cannot pay the bills or buy you food. If you listen to it, you’ll always be poor.” When I thought about what they’d told me, my feelings of unease disappeared. In this society, you have to deceive people to get rich. I had no other choice. Later, a patient with chronic bronchitis came to see me. Her condition only required her to keep taking some simple medicine. But, of course, that wouldn’t earn me much money. So, I told her: “You need to be put on an IV, otherwise it could turn into emphysema, which in severe cases can cause heart disease.” With my encouragement, she was happy to go on an IV for seven days. I remember that on the last day of the treatment, she took my hand in hers and said: “Thank you, Doctor. It’s thanks to you that this was treated in time. I feel much better now. If this had turned into emphysema or heart disease, I really would have suffered.” Hearing this pricked my conscience, and my face burned bright red. But again, I thought: “In this society, who doesn’t lie or cheat? Earning money is a skill in itself.” Thinking this, the unease I felt began to evaporate. In this way, I mired myself deeper and deeper in my pursuit of money. After a few years, I’d made a lot of money. I had a bigger house, my children were married, and life was good. But I often felt pained and guilty. I was in a constant state of anxiety. I worried that someone had found out what I’d been doing and was telling everyone behind my back. This thought was hard to bear.

One day, a sister in our village preached Almighty God’s kingdom gospel to me, and I started reading God’s words often. Once, at a gathering, we read a passage of God’s words about being an honest person: “You ought to know that God likes those who are honest. In essence, God is faithful, and so His words can always be trusted; His actions, furthermore, are faultless and unquestionable, which is why God likes those who are absolutely honest with Him. Honesty means giving your heart to God, being genuine with God in all things, being open with Him in all things, never hiding the facts, not trying to deceive those above and below you, and not doing things only to curry favor with God. In short, to be honest is to be pure in your actions and words, and to deceive neither God nor man. What I say is very simple, but to you it is doubly arduous. Many people would rather be condemned to hell than speak and act honestly. Little wonder that I have other treatment in store for those who are dishonest. … How one’s fate will work out in the end hinges upon whether they have an honest and blood-red heart, and whether they have a pure soul. If you are someone who is very dishonest, someone with a heart of malice, someone with an unclean soul, then you are sure to end up in the place where man is punished, as is written in the record of your fate. If you claim to be very honest, and yet never manage to act in accordance with the truth or to speak a word of truth, then are you still waiting for God to reward you? Do you still hope for God to regard you as the apple of His eye? Is such thinking not preposterous? You deceive God in all things; how could the house of God accommodate one such as you, whose hands are unclean?(The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Three Admonitions). Reading God’s words, I understood that God’s essence is faithful, and He likes honest people. God asks us to accept His scrutiny in our speech and actions, and not lie to God or to others. We must be honest and trustworthy, because only such people can be saved and enter God’s kingdom. Thinking about what God requires of us, I thought about how, as a doctor, I hadn’t considered how to cure my patients or ease their suffering, but about how I could earn more money for myself. To earn more money, I had even tricked patients when treating them. I’d exploited people’s fears, making trivial conditions out to be serious and using that to peddle expensive medications and prolong treatment. I’d made them waste their money, but they’d still thanked me for it. This was despicable, shameful behavior! Even though I’d made a comfortable living by doing this, I was constantly paranoid and on edge, and I couldn’t relax. I’d conducted myself totally without conscience. God’s words showed me that God hated people who lied and deceived others, and that these people would not meet a good ending. Only honest people can receive God’s praise and His salvation. From then on, I desired to be an honest person. I decided that I would never cheat anyone again, that I would stop defrauding patients out of money. I wanted to practice medicine honorably and honestly.

A while later, I realized that, since I’d stopped conning and overtreating patients, my income was a lot lower. At the time, the governing hospital’s performance was tied to our clinics’ medicine sales. One day, the hospital ordered a performance evaluation meeting. The chairman accused me of dragging the hospital down, and took down the plaque which labeled us as an “advanced clinic.” The hospital had started giving out incentives to its staff. For example, if a doctor managed to exceed their monthly quotas of medicine sales, fifty percent of the surplus income would be given to them as a commission. If I went back to overtreating patients, I’d end up getting over 4,000 yuan extra each month, which meant I could earn an extra 50,000 yuan every year. But, if I didn’t resume overtreating patients, I’d never hit the targets assigned for us, and I’d lose out on a lot of money. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like being an honest person was impossible in my line of work, and that if I didn’t trick people, I wouldn’t make any money. After this, I went against what God required of me. I ignored my conscience and went back to my old ways.

One day, a married couple brought their son in to see me. He’d caught a cold, which had led to a respiratory infection, and could be cured with some medicine. Feigning concern, I took out my stethoscope and listened to the child’s chest and back. After this mock examination, I said to the parents, very sternly: “Your child has pediatric pneumonia. It’s already spread. You should have come in sooner! A day later and he would’ve been in real trouble! Luckily, there’s still time. We’ll put him on an IV drip for a few days, and he’ll be fine.” Just like that, I was back to cajoling patients out of their money. I’d deliberately made the child’s illness seem severe. Later on, I reproached myself. I was scared that what I’d done would be exposed, so I spent every day on edge. Sometimes, I’d tell myself that this was the last time, and after that I’d stop. But I couldn’t resist the temptation of money, and I could never stop myself from committing these sins. My life became a struggle. I knew that God demands for us to be honest people, but I couldn’t control myself or stop from conning my patients.

Later, I read Almighty God’s words: “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy for worldly dealings, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him. Man’s disposition becomes more vicious by the day, and there is not a single person who will willingly give up anything for God, not a single person who will willingly submit to God, nor, moreover, a single person who will willingly seek the appearance of God. Instead, under the power of Satan, man does nothing but pursue pleasure, giving himself over to the corruption of the flesh in the land of mud. Even when they hear the truth, those who live in darkness give no thought to putting it into practice, nor are they inclined to seek out God even if they have beheld His appearance. How could a mankind so depraved have any chance of salvation? How could a mankind so decadent live in the light?(The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God). “After several thousand years of corruption, man is numb and dull-witted; he has become a demon that opposes God, to the extent that man’s rebelliousness toward God has been documented in the books of history, and even man himself is incapable of giving a full account of his rebellious behavior—for man has been profoundly corrupted by Satan, and has been led astray by Satan such that he knows not where to turn. Even today, man still betrays God: When man sees God, he betrays Him, and when he cannot see God, so too does he betray Him. There are even those who, having witnessed God’s curses and God’s wrath, still betray Him. And so I say that man’s sense has lost its original function, and that man’s conscience, too, has lost its original function(The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God). God’s words revealed to me that the society we live in has been corrupted by Satan. “No wealth is without wiliness,” “Money is first,” and “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost”—these philosophies for worldly dealings that are popular in society all come from Satan. Influenced and poisoned by these views, our outlooks, and values of life become twisted. We place money above everything. We abandon conscience and morality for the sake of maximizing our own benefits. We lie and cheat, becoming more and more selfish, deceitful, greedy and vicious, losing more and more of our humanity. A doctor’s duty is to cure their patients and practice medical ethics, and they cannot lose the bottom line of human conscience. But, under the spell of money, most doctors overtreat patients and overprescribe medicines, even tricking them into taking hormones. Although the patients can’t see the danger at first, using too much medicine and hormone treatment over time will severely damage their bodies. The toxins in the medicine will build up in their bodies, and will often cause chronic diseases. It’s a form of slow murder. The more I thought about this, the more scared I became. When I’d been studying medicine, I’d originally wanted to help ordinary people. But under the control of the satanic views of “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “Money is first,” and “It doesn’t matter whether a cat is white or black, as long as it can catch mice, it is a good cat,” I started to desperately pursue money. I turned three-day illnesses into five-day ones, just to make money. I would prescribe more expensive medicines than the patients needed. Satan had truly corrupted me to the point where I’d lost all my conscience and reason. After accepting God’s work in the last days, I knew that God required that we be honest people. But I still couldn’t withstand the allure of money or personal gain, and, once again, I continued to cheat my patients. Satan’s poisons had become a part of my very nature. If I hadn’t read God’s words and seen the hatefulness and danger of my lies, I would have continued living as a fraud. I would have been anxious and remorseful my whole life, and I would have gone to hell and been punished for my evil behavior. I finally understood how important it is that God asks us to be honest. Being honest and doing honest deeds gives us integrity and dignity. Being honest was the only way to receive God’s praise and put our hearts at rest. Once I understood God’s intention, I prayed to Him. I was willing to start anew, to rebel against myself, to practice the truth, and be an honest person.

One day, a patient from another village came to see me. After a careful examination, I determined that he had a venous leg ulcer. This is commonly referred to as “leg rot.” It’s stubborn and hard to treat, but I knew a secret treatment that would clear it right up at a low cost of just a few dimes in yuan. The patient told me he’d been to see county doctors, as well as a few quacks, and had spent thousands of yuan to no avail. Hearing this, I started thinking: “He’s already spent thousands of yuan without being cured, so if I charged him a few hundred for the cure, that wouldn’t be so bad, right? It would be a shame to let this money go to waste.” As I thought this, my heart leapt. “I’ll cheat just this last person, and from then on, I’ll be honest.” But, as I prepared to give him the prescription, I thought of the resolution I’d made before God. I started to pray to God: “Dear God, I still have the urge to lie. I know I can’t keep betraying my promise and letting You down. Oh God, please, help me to put my personal interests aside and be an honest person.” A passage of God’s words then came to mind: “People who genuinely believe in God always have Him in their hearts, and they always carry within them a God-fearing heart, a God-loving heart. Those who believe in God should do things cautiously and prudently, and all that they do should be in accordance with God’s requirements and able to satisfy His heart. They should not be headstrong, doing whatever they please; that does not befit saintly propriety(The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. A Warning to Those Who Do Not Practice the Truth). This passage of God’s words showed me that true believers have God-fearing hearts, are honest and dependable. They do things openly, accepting God’s scrutiny, and they don’t deceive others. They do everything with saintly propriety, and conduct themselves in accordance with God’s requirements. They don’t do things that would dishonor God. I was so thankful for the guidance and enlightenment of God, and inside I prayed to God once more: “Oh God! Before, I lied and cheated for the sake of money, and I lived out the likeness of Satan. But from today, I want to be an honest person, and humiliate Satan.” After praying, I said earnestly to the patient: “Although this illness is hard to treat, I have a prescription that I guarantee will cure you. And it barely costs anything.” If this had happened before, this kind of prescription would have been many times this amount. But now God’s words had given me the confidence to practice the truth, to be an honest and upstanding person. I wasn’t going to cheat people out of their money anymore. When the patient left with his medicine, I was so incredibly happy and at peace inside. Ten days later, the patient returned, and said with gratitude: “I’d been everywhere to get a treatment for this disease, but I had no luck. I didn’t even use all of the medicine you gave me, and my wound’s healed! It’s a miracle cure! Thank you, so much! I’m going to tell everyone I know about you. Not only are you highly skilled, you’re affordable too.” When I heard these words I felt extremely grateful to God, and I knew that this small change in me was because I’d been guided by God’s words.

I remembered how I used to think: “Money is first,” “No wealth is without wiliness,” and “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.” In thrall to these poisons, I lost my conscience, my integrity, and my morals. I became blackhearted. The words and salvation of God restored my conscience and my reason, and helped me find the principles of conduct. From then on, I conscientiously treated every patient who came to see me. I gave them only what they needed, and was honest about their condition. I kept my standard of being honest. After a while practicing this way, I felt really grounded, at peace, and free from anxiety. Also, a lot of the now healthy patients I had treated told others about their experience with me. People from all the surrounding villages wanted me to treat them. I learned that only telling the truth and being honest makes one a person with a true human likeness. Rejecting lies and telling the truth was the first step to being an honest person, and I know I still have to work hard in accordance with God’s requirements, and seek to be a truly honest person.

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