After My Dream Was Crushed

August 17, 2024

By Lin You, China

From an early age, I have always really liked dancing. My mom told me that when I was very young, whenever music was playing, I would naturally bop along to the rhythm. As I grew older, I continued to be passionate about dance, and was particularly interested in anything that had to do with dancing. Especially when I saw dancers performing on stage on TV and effortlessly executing high-difficulty dance moves while spellbound audiences looked on applauding and cheering, I couldn’t take my eyes off of them and their performances had a major impact on me. It was just so beautiful! I thought, “How wonderful it would be if I too could become a dancer, expressing myself through dance and earning the applause and commendation of my audiences!” To make my dream a reality, I attended a dance training class, commencing a period of professional training. I would study the teacher’s movements very closely during class and strive to get every movement just right. My teacher said I had serious potential as a dancer and my peers all said that I definitely had a future in dance. I felt pleased to hear that, thinking that I had real talent as a dancer and that I could make a career out of dancing. Perhaps the heavens had made it my mission in this life to pursue dance.

Later on, I was lucky enough to accept Almighty God’s last days’ work, and through watching the church’s videos, I learned that the church also has a dancing duty. Watching brothers and sisters sing, dance and praise God, I thought to myself, “Dancing in the secular world is done for nonbelievers and is of little value, but dancing in the church is a duty and allows me to praise God, this is quite meaningful! What’s more, the church’s videos are uploaded online and watched by people all over the world. If I could display my dancing skills in those videos wouldn’t I attain even more praise and acclaim? Going forward, I need to spend more time practicing dancing, so that I can earn myself a dancing duty.” Later on, our church was persecuted by the CCP and many brothers and sisters were arrested, so we barely even had chances to gather and do our duties normally, much less was there chances to start a dance group. I wanted so badly to leave China and practice faith and do my duty in a free and democratic country. To prevent myself from getting too tight, whenever I had spare time, I would do stretches and exercises. Sometimes, when I listened to music, I would imagine myself on stage in a dance performance. Soon after that, during a gathering, the police suddenly burst in and began making arrests. I was held for 37 days and later released on bail pending trial. Fearing that I’d be arrested again, I left home and went into hiding. Every day I would stare out at the vast blue sky outside my window and go into a daze, thinking, “Now that I’ve been arrested, it’s like I’ve been locked down by the CCP. Going forward, I can’t go anywhere freely and cannot leave the country. How will I still have any chance of performing on stage? Does this not spell the end for my dancing dream?” These thoughts left me feeling awful. Later on, the church had me compose hymns, but despite outwardly doing my duty, my heart wasn’t in it. I even thought that I was just meant to be a dancer and the duty wasn’t suitable for me. My leader dismissed me after seeing that I was wallowing in that negative state and failing to improve.

After being dismissed, I spent every day in a muddleheaded daze. Whenever I thought about how my dancing dream was crushed, I would feel agonized and directionless. In the midst of my helplessness, I prayed to God, “Oh God, I know that since I was dismissed, I must have disgusted You in some way, but I’m too insensitive and I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong. Please guide and enlighten me to gain knowledge of myself.” I prayed to God in this way every day. One time, during devotionals, I came across a passage of God’s words that gave me some understanding of my issue. Almighty God says: “People think there is nothing wrong with learning knowledge, that it is entirely natural. To put it in a way that sounds appealing, to foster lofty ideals or to have ambitions is to have drive, and this should be the right path in life. Is it not a more glorious way for people to live if they can realize their own ideals, or successfully establish a career? By doing these things, one can not only honor one’s ancestors but also has the chance to leave one’s mark on history—is this not a good thing? This is a good thing in the eyes of worldly people, and to them it should be proper and positive. Does Satan, however, with its sinister motives, take people on to this kind of road and that’s all there is to it? Of course not. In fact, no matter how lofty man’s ideals are, no matter how realistic man’s desires are or how proper they may be, all that man wants to achieve, all that man seeks for, is inextricably linked to two words. These two words are vitally important to the life of every person, and they are things Satan intends to instill in man. What are these two words? They are ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Satan uses a very subtle kind of method, a method very much in concert with people’s notions, which is not at all radical, through which it causes people to unknowingly accept its way of living, its rules to live by, and to establish life goals and their direction in life, and in doing so they also unknowingly come to have ambitions in life. No matter how grand these life ambitions may seem, they are inextricably linked to ‘fame’ and ‘gain’(The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). I had a sudden realization when reading this passage and quickly came to see that I was walking the path of seeking fame and gain. In the past, I had always thought that seeking to realize my dreams was the right path in life. I thought that accomplishing something in my life meant I had ambition and aspiration, and excelling beyond my peers and making a name for myself was a way of showing my worth. This would make me much better than those who had no dreams or aspirations and were satisfied with their mediocre life. Only then did I realize that chasing one’s dreams and aspirations is one of Satan’s ways of corrupting people and impelling them to walk the path of seeking fame and gain. The more one seeks fame and gain, the further they stray from God’s demands. God asks that we honestly and practically act as created beings and fulfill our duties, but those that seek fame and gain only think of how to excel above their peers and are just never content with how things are. I reflected on why I was trying so hard to become a dancer. When I saw dancers on TV winning the audience’s applause with their difficult moves, I would feel extremely envious of them, and would dream of the day when I, too, could stand centerstage, be the focus of everyone’s attention, earn their cheers and applause and realize my goal of distinguishing myself. To make my dream a reality, I would practice dancing from dawn to dust, and was extremely motivated. But because I had a criminal record after being arrested by the CCP, I lost my chance of going abroad. When I realized that my dream had been crushed, I became depressed and dejected, and became careless and unfocused in my duty. It seemed like I’d turned into a different person. Only then did I see that fame and gain are the means by which Satan lures and corrupts people. Outwardly they might bring people plaudits and commendation, but in reality, they ideologically corrupt people, making them think only of fame and gain and forget to worship God, much less pursue the truth and fulfill their duty. Ultimately, this leads people to stray from God and completely lose their opportunity for salvation.

Later on, I read another passage of God’s words. “Antichrists’ cherishment of their reputation and status goes beyond that of normal people, and is something within their disposition essence; it is not a temporary interest, or the transient effect of their surroundings—it is something within their life, their bones, and so it is their essence. This is to say that in everything antichrists do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, nothing else. For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. In all they do, their first consideration is: ‘What will happen to my status? And to my reputation? Will doing this give me a good reputation? Will it elevate my status in people’s minds?’ That is the first thing they think about, which is ample proof that they have the disposition and essence of antichrists; they would not consider these problems otherwise. It can be said that for antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less something extraneous that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they pursue on a daily basis. And so for antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence. You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status. You can put them among any group of people, and all they can think about is still reputation and status. Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and give it equal weight. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status(The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God exposed how antichrists particularly cherish reputation and status and even go so far as to view reputation and status as their life and the goal they pursue in life. No matter when or where they are, nothing changes the direction of their pursuit. Actually, that’s exactly how I was. From a young age, I loved to show off and have others admire and praise me. Seeing how dancers on TV gained the admiration and adulation of their audiences, I admired them and aspired to be like them. I even set a goal of becoming an outstanding dance performer. Even after entering the faith and doing my duty, I still didn’t change my goal in life, and when I wasn’t able to do a dancing duty in my local church, I aspired to go abroad to realize my great dream of setting foot on stage as a performer. Even after I was arrested by the CCP and picked up a criminal record, making it so I couldn’t leave the country, I still couldn’t stop thinking constantly about my dancing dream and became negative and agonized because I hadn’t achieved my goal, going about my duty in a perfunctory and negative state and slacking off. I would often think of and ruminate over my future and reputation. I saw my duty as the springboard that would help me achieve my dreams. I was failing to attend to my proper duties and was resisting God! Realizing this, I prayed to God, saying, “Oh God, through the judgment and exposure of Your words, I have seen how deeply obsessed I am with fame, gain and status. I’m always seeking to achieve my dreams and failing to do my proper duty. I am willing to repent, forsake these extravagant desires and just seek to fulfill my duty.”

Later on, I came upon this passage of God’s words: “You should be able to fulfill your responsibilities, perform your obligations and duty, and set aside your selfish desires, intents, and motives; you should show consideration for God’s intentions, and put the interests of God’s house, the work of the church, and the duty that you are supposed to perform first. After experiencing this for a while, you will feel that this is a good way to comport yourself. It is living straightforwardly and honestly, and not being a base, vile person; it is living justly and honorably rather than being despicable, base, and a good-for-nothing. You will feel that this is how a person should act and the image that they should live out(The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). I reflected that in the past, I only did my duty to satisfy my own ambition and desire. I didn’t consider God’s intentions at all and lived in a base and despicable manner. I knew that if I got another chance to do a duty, I would need to put aside my personal desires and do my duty well to satisfy God. I couldn’t leave myself with more regret and guilt. After reflecting for a period of time, I began doing my duty again in the church. Despite the duty being in general affairs and having nothing to do with dancing, I knew this was God giving me a chance to repent, so I was willing to submit and fulfill my duty as a created being.

Just like that, more than half a year went by, and though I no longer felt negative and depressed about being unable to realize my dreams, I still felt some confusion. Sometimes I’d wonder, “Many people have talents, interests and hobbies, are all those things negative? Should people really not pursue these things?” One day, I read a passage of God’s words regarding this issue that gave me some answers to my questions. Almighty God says: “People’s interests and hobbies are not inherently wrong, and of course one certainly cannot say that they are negative things. They should not be condemned or criticized. It is a part of normal humanity for people to have interests, hobbies, and talents in certain areas—every person has them. Some people like dancing, some enjoy singing, drawing, performing, mechanics, economics, engineering, medicine, agriculture, sailing, or certain sports, others like studying geography, geology, or aviation, and, of course, still others might enjoy the study of even more obscure subjects. Regardless of a person’s interests and hobbies, they are all a part of humanity and of normal human life. They should not be vilified as negative things, neither should they be criticized, and banned even less. That is, any interest and hobby you may have is legitimate. Since any interest or hobby is legitimate and should be allowed to exist, how should the ideals and desires related to them be treated? For example, some people enjoy music. They say, ‘I want to become a musician or a conductor,’ then disregard everything else to go study and further themselves in music, setting their life’s goals and direction on occupying the seat of a musician. Is this the right thing to do? (It’s not the right thing to do.) If you don’t believe in God, if you’re a part of the world and spend your life realizing the ideals and desires established by your own interests and hobbies, we have nothing to say about that. Now, as a believer in God, if you have such interests and hobbies and want to dedicate your whole life, paying the price of a lifetime to realize the ideals and desires established by your own interests and hobbies, is this path good or bad? Is it worth promoting? (It’s not worth promoting.) Let’s not talk just yet about whether or not it’s worth promoting; everything ought to be worked through solemnly, so how do you do that in order to determine whether this matter is right or wrong? You need to consider whether the pursuits, ideals, and desires you’ve established have any connection to God’s teachings and His salvation and expectations for you, to God’s intention to save mankind, to your mission, and to your duty, whether they will help you complete your mission and fulfill your duty more effectively, or whether they will increase your chances of being saved and help you achieve the satisfaction of God’s intentions. As an ordinary person, your pursuit of ideals and desires is your right, but as you realize your own ideals and desires and pursue this path, will they lead you down the path of salvation? Will they lead you down the path of fearing God and shunning evil? Will they ultimately lead you to the result of absolute submission to and worship of God? (They will not.) That’s for sure. Since they will not, then as a believer in God, are the ideals and desires established because of your interests, your hobbies, and even your talents and gifts, positive or negative? Should you have them or not? (They are negative; we shouldn’t have them.) You shouldn’t have them(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (8)). After reading God’s words, I realized that interests and hobbies are a part of people’s normal humanity, are given to man by God and are not inherently negative, but when people begin viewing their hobbies and interests as ideals and desires to be pursued, then the nature of the problem changes. As soon as someone treats their hobby like an ideal to be pursued, they will certainly spend a lot of time and energy on it. To ordinary people, it might seem like this is their liberty and right, but for believers in God, pursuing ideals and desires will only obstruct them from fulfilling their duty to a degree. Also, if people seek to realize their ideals, they cannot submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements and will only drift further astray from God. I have first-hand experience of this. I accepted God’s last days’ work at an early age, began doing my duty and had the opportunity to pursue the truth and attain salvation. But I didn’t walk the right path, didn’t cherish the opportunity God gave me, and insisted on seeking to realize my dreams. Because I put all my thoughts and energy into pursuing my ideals and desires, and didn’t focus on pursuing the truth, I didn’t make any progress in my duty over a long period of time. My outlook on life and values were all satanic in nature. After being arrested by the police, I didn’t seek the truth and learn from the experience, instead becoming resistant and blaming God for the environment He orchestrated after my criminal record precluded me from traveling abroad and my dream of becoming a dancer was crushed. As a created being, I should have submitted to the Creator’s arrangements and gotten a sense of God’s intention through my experience. But I clung stubbornly to my dream, was unsatisfied with God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and went through the motions and was distracted in my duty. How could God not have been disgusted by my attitude and behavior? If I didn’t give up on pursuing my dreams and desires, and one day was able to do a duty as a dancer, I would certainly bear witness to myself and make myself known in order to realize my dream. Bearing witness to myself instead of God in my duty was a kind of opposition to God and should be met with God’s curses!

I read another passage of God’s words: “If someone is interested in the arts, must they engage in this work and must they do this job for their entire life? Not necessarily. It depends on God’s ordination, on how God arranges things and exercises His sovereignty. If God arranges for someone to work in a field related to their interests and hobbies, they may never leave that field in their lifetime. But if God has not arranged or ordained them to work in that field, they will merely have this interest and hobby, and even if they enjoy it, they won’t be able to engage in that work. Some people have liked the arts since childhood. Seeing that their child has this interest and hobby, their parents think, ‘Let’s cultivate it then. Maybe our family can produce a talent in the arts. Perhaps they’ll even become famous or be a great performer!’ So they start training their child in dancing and singing, taking the child to learn every day, and eventually, the child gets admitted to an art school. Although the child’s interest in and love for the arts do not diminish after graduation, whether they can engage in this line of work is uncertain. It is possible that when they need to engage in this work, their mood changes, their attitude and views toward what they have learned change, and it is also possible that due to various reasons in the objective environment, they miss out on being a part of this field. All these things are possible; it depends on God’s ordination(The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth II. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). After reading this passage, I felt very relieved. In the past, I had thought that I had to pursue work related to my interests and hobbies. I thought that my interests were probably a mission bestowed upon me by God, and that since I was passionate about dance, I needed to do a duty related to dancing. So, when I was assigned a duty that had nothing to do with dance, I felt that the duty was not suitable for me and didn’t want to do it. But in real life I just kept meeting with frustration, I just couldn’t land a duty related to dancing. Now I understand that this was all God’s sovereignty and arrangements. I thought of how the niece of a famous dancer had shown promise in dancing from a young age, and the dancer, her aunt, had wanted her to take up the family mantle, but even after training her personally, her niece still didn’t end up going into dance and instead became an actress. There are also countless examples of people who have certain skills or talents, but still end up spending their lives in common jobs to feed their families and are unable to work in a field related to their interests and hobbies. From this, I saw that God holds sovereignty over and arranges what work people will do in their lives; people have no say in this and cannot will such things to happen. Despite not being able to do a duty related to my interests, God gave me the caliber to do other duties. Now I am doing text-based work, a duty I had never imagined I’d do in the past. Through reading various articles and sermons, I’ve learned certain truths about visions, come to understand a bit about God’s work and have experienced firsthand how the situations God arranges for us are the very best and are beneficial to our lives. No matter whether or not I’ll be able to do a dance duty in the future, I am willing to submit, and pursue the truth and experience God’s work in whatever environment God orchestrates. Also, in my free time, I’ve been learning the church’s dance routines, so I continue to cultivate my interests. Sometimes after dinner, I’ll dance for a little while and I always feel a bit happier after doing so. I think that is the right way to treat my hobbies and interests. I thank God from the bottom of my heart for giving me this hobby, as it’s made my life a little more interesting. I must work even harder to fulfill my duty and repay God’s love.

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