By Yang Le, China

Almighty God says: “People have such poor reason—they have too many demands of God and they ask too much of Him, they lack even the slightest bit of reason. People are always demanding that God do this or that and are unable to completely submit to Him or worship Him. Instead, they make unreasonable demands of God based upon their own preferences…. Human reason is so poor, is it not? Not only are people not able to completely submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements or accept all that comes from God, on the contrary, they impose additional requirements upon God. How can people with such requirements be loyal to God? How can they submit to the arrangements of God? How can they love God? People all have requirements for how God should love them, tolerate them, watch over them, protect them, and care for them, yet none of them have any requirements for how they themselves should love God, think of God, be considerate toward God, satisfy God, have God in their hearts, and worship God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Before, when I read this passage of God’s words, I didn’t hold it up to myself for comparison. I thought God was talking about those believers who just seek bread to satisfy hunger, that only people like this would persistently make requirements of God and demand grace and blessings from Him. As for me, I’d eaten and drunk so many of God’s words; I knew that I was a created being and that I ought to occupy the position of one, and I knew that whether or not God blessed me and whether He set up favorable or adverse circumstances, I should submit to His orchestrations and arrangements. With this kind of understanding and aspiration, I thought I was able to submit to God and that I demanded nothing of Him. This time, it was my son’s illness that finally made me see my true stature and the fact of my corruption clearly.

In September of 2015, my son came back from his grandmother’s house, and his grandmother said he had gained weight. I noticed that my son’s eyelids were a bit swollen; something about them just didn’t look right. I had my son take off his shirt and pants so I could examine him, and I saw that his legs were quite swollen and had a shiny look to them. When I pressed his leg, it left a hollow, and it didn’t recover right away as it would with a normal person. All of a sudden, I thought of something that elderly folks often said: “Boys fear swollen legs, while girls fear a swollen head.” It means that if a boy’s legs are swollen, he must have a pretty bad illness. I had a bad feeling in my heart; my son definitely had a serious illness. The next day, we took our son to the provincial nephrology hospital. The doctor said that he might have nephrotic syndrome. With this kind of illness, the levels of albumin in the body are severely low, while creatinine levels run far too high. The patient will become increasingly weak, and if it gets worse, it develops into uremia. I recalled that in Chinese medicine, it’s said the kidney is a person’s congenital foundation. If something goes wrong with the kidney, it has a direct influence on a child’s health. If this illness couldn’t be cured, my son wouldn’t be able to go to school like normal children, and getting married would be an issue for him too. Thinking of this, I was very worried, and I thought, “My son’s only 14; he’s got a long road ahead of him. Is he really always going to be plagued by illness? How can a kid of his age bear this? I can’t let my son just be ill like this; even if we have to sell our house and land, I’ve got to make sure he gets cured.” I waited anxiously at the hospital for the results of my son’s diagnosis. In my heart, I was praying to God nonstop. While praying, I remembered that yesterday I was supposed to host a gathering at my house. Was I not delaying my duty? I felt great self-reproach, thinking that I couldn’t let treating my son’s illness get in the way of hosting gatherings. My wife was at the hospital to take care of my son, so I went home first and hosted gatherings while working at the same time.

Later, my son was diagnosed with nephrotic syndrome. When I heard the news, it was like a bolt from the blue. This was what I’d feared most, and now it had been born out. Going forward, my son wouldn’t be able to attend school normally, and could only stay at the hospital. How was a young kid like him supposed to bear this? As I pondered this, I couldn’t hold back my tears. In those days, my heart was so heavy, and I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Since accepting God’s work, I haven’t made any appeals to God with regard to fleshly matters. It would be great if, this time, God could do me the favor of allowing my son to fully recover.” I very much wanted to pray to God and ask Him to get rid of my son’s illness, but I knew that God’s work of the last days was the work of judgment and chastisement, trial and refinement; it was done to cleanse mankind’s corrupt disposition. Making such a request to God was not in line with His intention. But as soon as I thought of my son’s illness, I still held out hope that God would bestow favors upon him on account of my “submission.” If this happened, my son wouldn’t have to endure this type of pain. I went on hoping for a period of time, but my son’s condition showed no improvement. Although I didn’t delay my duty on the surface, I had a very heavy heart. In order to overcome my pain, all I could do was pray to God, seek Him, and eat and drink His words. Almighty God says: “What you pursue is to be able to gain peace after believing in God, for your children to be free from illness, for your husband to have a good job, for your son to find a good wife, for your daughter to find a decent husband, for your oxen and horses to plow the land well, for a year of good weather for your crops. This is what you seek. Your pursuit is only to live in comfort, for no accidents to befall your family, for the winds to pass you by, for your face to be untouched by grit, for your family’s crops to not be flooded, for you to be unaffected by any disaster, to live in God’s embrace, to live in a cozy nest. A coward such as you, who always pursues the flesh—do you have a heart, do you have a spirit? Are you not a beast? I give you the true way without asking for anything in return, yet you do not pursue. Are you one of those who believe in God?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). Reading God’s words pierced my heart deeply. God had hit the nail on the head, exposing my viewpoint of pursuing blessings in my belief in God. After my son was confirmed to have nephrosis syndrome, on the surface, I did my best to refrain from making demands of God while praying, but on the inside, I hoped God would have mercy on me on account of my “submission” and get rid of my son’s illness. When God didn’t satisfy my demands, I felt pain in my heart, and I didn’t seek the lessons I should learn from such a thing happening to me. How was I any different from those people in religion? What I pursued in my belief was still seeking bread to satisfy hunger, which was not at all in line with God’s intention. Reflecting on this, I felt deeply ashamed and hated myself for not pursuing the truth and for making these demands of God. I really had no reason whatsoever. I prayed to God in my heart, “Oh God! I’m willing to entrust my son’s illness to You and submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements. Please give me a sense of burden and give me faith so that I can do my duty well and satisfy You.” After praying, my heart felt a bit more peaceful and at ease.

In March of 2016, I took up church leadership duties. Several months later, my son relapsed again. He had some urine that he couldn’t discharge, which caused edema throughout his whole body. Seeing this, I was absolutely devastated. A good kid like him had somehow ended up in this condition. With all these relapses, when would he be able to get better? I thought to myself, “Maybe it’s that I’m not doing enough in my duty. If I expend some more effort, is it possible his condition will improve a bit?” And so I put more energy into doing my duty. To my surprise, my son began to get better little by little. I was extremely grateful to God and did my duty even more diligently, producing some results in various tasks. Time passed, and in the fall of 2016, my son’s condition unexpectedly took a turn for the worse. He was discharging less and less urine every day, and almost all the liquid was accumulating inside his body. His body was severely swollen to the point that his face had changed shape and his eyes had become narrow slits; he was unrecognizable. His legs looked like elephant legs, his skin was shining bright, and he could barely get out of bed. When we were away doing our duties, he could only pass the time playing on his phone. When we were about to take him to the hospital, he would say maturely, “My illness won’t get any better; there’s no use in going. Just go do whatever you have to do.” I wished I could suffer all that pain in his place, but there was nothing I could do. Before I knew it, I was complaining to God, thinking, “Oh God! I’m not Job, nor am I Peter; my stature is not so great. What’s more, throughout all this time, I’ve never stopped doing my duty. Why isn’t my son getting better? Even if his illness can’t get better right away, I’d settle for it not getting steadily worse.” As I pondered this, I realized I was complaining that God was unrighteous. I felt very uneasy, and I quickly prayed to God, “Oh God! I know I shouldn’t complain to You in this way, but I really can’t get through this, and I don’t know which lessons I should learn. Please guide me in this matter.”

After praying, I read a passage of God’s words: “Righteousness is by no means fairness or reasonableness; it is not egalitarianism, or a matter of allocating to you what you deserve in accordance with how much work you have completed, or paying you for whatever work you have done, or giving you your due according to what effort you expend. This is not righteousness, it is merely being fair and reasonable. Very few people are capable of knowing God’s righteous disposition. Suppose God had eliminated Job after Job bore witness for Him: Would this be righteous? In fact, it would be. Why is this called righteousness? How do people view righteousness? If something is in line with people’s notions, it is then very easy for them to say that God is righteous; however, if they do not see that thing as being in line with their notions—if it is something that they are incapable of comprehending—then it would be difficult for them to say that God is righteous. If God had destroyed Job back then, people would not have said He was righteous. Actually, though, whether people have been corrupted or not, and whether they have been profoundly corrupted or not, does God have to justify Himself when He destroys them? Should He have to explain to people upon what basis it is that He does so? Must God tell people the rules He has ordained? There is no need. In God’s eyes, someone who is corrupt, and who is liable to oppose God, is without any worth; however God handles them will be appropriate, and all are the arrangements of God. … God’s essence is righteousness. Though it is not easy to comprehend what He does, all that He does is righteous; it is simply that people do not understand. When God gave Peter to Satan, how did Peter respond? ‘Mankind is unable to fathom what You do, but all of what You do contains Your good will; there is righteousness in all of it. How can I not utter praise for Your wisdom and deeds?’ You should now see that the reason God does not destroy Satan in the time of His salvation of man is that humans may see clearly how Satan has corrupted them and the extent to which it has corrupted them, and how God purifies and saves them. Ultimately, when people have understood the truth and clearly seen Satan’s odious countenance, and beheld the monstrous sin of Satan’s corruption of them, God will destroy Satan, showing them His righteousness. The timing when God destroys Satan is filled with God’s disposition and wisdom. Everything that God does is righteous. Though humans may not be able to perceive God’s righteousness, they should not make judgments at will. If something He does appears to humans as unreasonable, or if they have any notions about it, and that leads them to say that He is not righteous, then they are being most unreasonable” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading God’s words, I understood that God’s righteous disposition wasn’t like I thought it was—fair and reasonable, and egalitarian. I thought that as long as people could do some duties, God should bestow favors on them, and that the more people could pay a price in their duties, the more God should bless them. These are transactional views of the world and are fundamentally not aligned with the truth. God’s essence is righteous. Everything He does is a natural revelation of His righteous disposition. I thought of how Job feared God and shunned evil and was a perfect person in God’s eyes. According to man’s notions, he shouldn’t have had to face Satan’s temptations, but God permitted such a thing to happen to him. Although this was not in line with man’s notions, it perfected Job’s faith. I saw that regardless of whether God blessed or deprived people, whether He put them through trials and revealed them or perfected them, these were all revelations of God’s righteous essence, and everyone should submit to and accept them. People shouldn’t use their expending of themselves as capital to tell God what to do. But I didn’t understand God’s righteousness. When I expended myself a bit in my duty and saw that my son’s condition was improving, I believed that God was righteous and I was energetic in my duty. When my son relapsed and his condition got increasingly serious, I complained about God and thought the trials He was putting me through were too difficult. I began to reason with God and oppose Him. This showed that my definition of God’s righteousness was based on whether or not my hard work and expending of myself could earn me grace and blessings; it was full of transactions and exchanges. Was I not making demands of God according to my own notions? I wasn’t doing my duty as a created being at all, and I absolutely did not possess the conscience and reason that a created being should have. I prayed to God, “Oh God! I want to be someone who has a conscience and reason and do my duty well to satisfy You. Why do I misunderstand You and complain about You whenever I’m faced with things that aren’t to my liking? God, please guide me to understand myself in this matter.”

Later, I read two passages of God’s words: “From the time when man first began to believe in God, he has considered God to be a cornucopia, a Swiss Army knife, and he has considered himself to be God’s greatest creditor, as if trying to get blessings and promises from God were his inherent right and obligation, while God’s responsibility were to protect and care for man, and to provide for him. Such is the basic understanding of ‘belief in God’ of all those who believe in God, and such is their deepest understanding of the concept of belief in God. From man’s nature essence to his subjective pursuit, there is nothing that relates to the fear of God. Man’s aim in believing in God could not possibly have anything to do with the worship of God. That is to say, man has never considered nor understood that belief in God requires fearing and worshiping God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II). “What is the problem with people always making demands of God? And what is the problem with them always having notions about God? What is contained within man’s nature? I’ve discovered that, regardless of what happens to them, or what they’re dealing with, people always protect their own interests and worry about their own flesh, and they always look for reasons or excuses that serve them. They don’t seek or accept the truth in the slightest, and everything they do is in order to defend their own flesh and plotting for the sake of their own prospects. They all solicit grace from God, wanting to gain whatever advantages they can. Why do people make so many demands of God? This proves that people are greedy by nature, and that before God, they are not possessed of any reason at all. In everything people do—whether they are praying or fellowshipping or preaching—their pursuits, thoughts, and aspirations, these things are all demands of God and attempts to solicit things from Him, they are all done by people in the hope of gaining something from God. Some people say that ‘this is human nature,’ which is correct! In addition, people making too many demands of God and having too many extravagant desires proves that people are truly lacking in conscience and reason. They are all demanding and soliciting things for their own sakes, or trying to argue and find excuses for themselves—they do all of this for themselves. In many things, it can be seen that what people do is totally devoid of reason, which is full proof that the satanic logic of ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’ has already become man’s nature. What problem is illustrated by people making too many demands of God? It illustrates that people have been corrupted by Satan to a certain point, and that in their belief in God, they don’t treat Him as God at all” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. People Make Too Many Demands of God). Reading these words, my heart was deeply pierced. I was the exact type of person that God had exposed; I had viewed myself as God’s creditor and hadn’t regarded Him as the Creator. Thinking back on my time believing in the Lord, after enjoying God’s grace and blessings, I believed that as long as people pray and appeal to God when facing difficulties, He will grant them their wishes, because nothing is greater than God’s love for man. After accepting Almighty God’s work of the last days, I came to understand from God’s words that God is the Creator, and people should not make unreasonable demands asking Him to bestow grace and blessings on them. However, the viewpoint of gaining blessings within me still did not change. Take my son’s illness, for instance: I was able to entrust it to God at the outset, and after I saw that my son’s condition was somewhat improved, I thought that God really cared about us. I thought that if I stuck to my duty and God saw me expending myself, then maybe my son would get better. Under the control of these intentions, I was particularly energetic when doing my duty. But when my expending of myself didn’t produce the desired results and my son’s illness got increasingly serious, I couldn’t help but complain against God. I thought that I should get credit for doing some duties and paying a bit of a price, that this qualified me to bargain with God. I saw that I’d been believing in God and doing my duty for the sake of gaining blessings and benefits instead of simply to satisfy God. My nature truly was so selfish! For example, children being filial to their parents is something that is perfectly natural and justified, and children shouldn’t only be filial when their parents accumulate wealth for them. As a created being, believing in and worshiping God is even more perfectly natural and justified, but I’d always harbored my own intentions and demands within me, cheating God in everything I did. Such a belief can never receive God’s praise. I was deeply humiliated and ashamed. All I wanted was to return to God, assume the position of a created being, and set my mind straight, no longer making demands of or complaining against God and entrusting my son to Him.

At the end of 2018, I had to leave home due to security risks. It was at this time that, due to taking hormone-containing medication for an extended time, my son was diagnosed with osteonecrosis of the femoral head (ONFH). He couldn’t straighten out his waist when he walked and could only walk with both hands on his knees. Even though I knew my wife was there to take care of him and there was nothing for me to help with at home, my son’s situation still brought me great pain, and I thought, “My son’s old illness hasn’t even been cured, and now he’s got a new one; what should I do?” The more I thought about it, the more miserable I became, and I hoped for God to create a miracle that would bring my son’s condition under control as soon as possible. I faintly sensed that I was making demands of God yet again, and so I prayed to God silently in my heart, asking Him to protect me so that I could stand firm in my position as a created being and submit to these circumstances. After praying, I packed up some clothes and left home.

During my time away from home, I would sometimes think of my son, which caused some disturbances in my duty, and so I prayed to God and ate and drank His words. I read God’s words that said: “Besides birth and childrearing, the parents’ responsibility in their children’s lives is simply to provide them with a formal environment to grow up in, for nothing except the predestination of the Creator has a bearing on a person’s fate. No one can control what kind of future a person will have; it is predetermined long in advance, and not even one’s parents can change one’s fate” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). From God’s words, I understood that God holds sovereignty over and arranges each person’s fate. In everyone’s lifetime, there is suffering they ought to endure, and no one else can endure it in their place. As for my son, all I could do was raise him into an adult and fulfill my responsibility. When it came to what hardships he ought to endure in his lifetime and how his life would turn out, all of this was in God’s hands. I couldn’t decide it or change it. In the past, when I was at home, I would look after my son a bit and remind him to take his meds on time, but he was still diagnosed with ONFH. My care and company couldn’t change the kind of suffering my son ought to endure. Even if I stayed by my son’s side, all I’d be able to do was keep him company and provide a bit of comfort; I absolutely could not decide whether his illness worsened or improved. I had to entrust my son to God; the only appropriate thing to do was let God hold sovereignty over and arrange this. Thinking of this, I was able to feel a bit more liberated and have peace of mind in my performance of duty.

Later on, my wife said that my son was back in the hospital. When I heard that my son had relapsed again, I was quite upset, and I prayed to God, saying I was willing to entrust my son to Him and let Him hold sovereignty over and arrange everything. What I ought to do is just submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements and do my duty well. When I prayed to God in this way, no longer making demands of Him, I felt exceedingly peaceful and at ease, and I was able to pour my heart into my duty.