By Shen Si, China

In December 2023, I was doing the duty of a team leader, responsible for screening testimony articles about life experiences. In February 2024, the leaders wrote to ask us to submit some sermons for preaching the gospel as soon as possible, and arranged for me to be responsible for this task. The leaders worried that I would be too busy, and asked a few sisters to help me screen experiential testimony articles. During that time, I was busy every day editing sermons for preaching the gospel, so my backlog of experiential testimony articles just grew larger and larger, and I started to feel a little anxious. I saw that my sisters were all busy with their own work, some of which wasn’t particularly urgent, but no one volunteered to help bear the burden of screening the experiential testimony articles, so I wanted to say something to them. Then I thought about how the leaders had already asked them to help me, but none of them had said a word. I thought to myself, “None of them want to do it, and if I still fellowship with them anyway, will they not think that I am pushing them unreasonably? Will they say that I have bad humanity, and that I am putting myself on a pedestal as team leader and issuing orders, and therefore not have a good impression of me? Forget it. I’ll put in a bit more overtime and do it myself.” Therefore, I busied myself from dawn to dusk every day, and as soon as I finished eating, I would rush over to the computer to screen sermons for preaching the gospel and experiential testimony articles. Sometimes there wasn’t even time for devotionals. Although every day I was so busy I didn’t have a minute to spare, I still had a backlog of articles. My body felt very tired and my heart was filled with resentment, but I dared not speak out, afraid that my sisters would have a negative opinion of me and say that I was narrow-minded and petty in my self-conduct. Therefore, I just kept soldiering on by myself. At that time there was a sister named Liu Jia, and sometimes I would give her reminders when I found out that the articles she was responsible for weren’t getting screened in time. Liu Jia always agreed in a perfunctory manner, but nothing changed afterward. Sometimes she would even push the work onto me. I knew that she was indulging in fleshly comforts and not bearing a burden in her duty, and I wanted to point out her problems and help her. However, I then thought about how she had only been training for a short time, and I was afraid that she would say that I was too demanding and too harsh on her, that I was watching her closely every day, like a taskmaster. If she developed a poor opinion of me, then it would make working together more difficult in the future, and so I didn’t feel like saying anything anymore. I felt that as a team leader, I should be understanding and do more work, and so I helped her do the work she didn’t do. Sometimes I saw that some sisters were still making some formatting mistakes when editing sermons. I wanted to tell them to be more careful in the future, but then I thought, “If I mention something as minor as this to them, then will they say that I am petty and pedantic?” Therefore I didn’t mention it, and every time I checked the sermons and found problems, I just corrected them myself. Although the issues were minor, the corrections still took up some time. I felt very dejected, and complained that they didn’t bear a burden. Not only were they unable to help share my load, but they couldn’t even do their primary work well, making me worry about their tasks too. Even though I had these thoughts and resentments in my heart, I never vented them because I wanted my sisters to say that I was willing to bear a burden and had good humanity; I just kept soldiering on and doing the work on the surface.

During that time, no matter how hard I worked, there was still a backlog of articles on hand, and mistakes were always appearing in the work. The work that my sisters were responsible for was not making much progress either, and this was delaying the overall work. When the leaders wrote and pruned me, pointing out these problems, I felt very wronged, and felt like, even though I was so busy my brain was nearly melting, there were still constantly flaws and deviations in my duty. I felt as if I was about to have a breakdown, and I didn’t know how to do my duty anymore. Later, the leaders came to hold a gathering to understand the situation. Liu Jia said that I really bore a burden in my duties and that I could think of all aspects of the work, so she didn’t have to worry about some tasks at all. Hearing this, I felt a bit happy, and felt like my hard work had not been in vain. It looked like other people still had a good impression of me in their minds, but then I also thought about how my sister still praised me even though I had made such a mess of the work, and I felt a little uneasy.

Afterward, I began to reflect on the state I had been living in during this period and read a passage of God’s words that was very specific to my state. I felt very moved. God says: “Let us now fellowship on the next saying regarding moral conduct—’Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others’—what does this saying mean? It means that you should make strict demands of yourself and be lenient with other people, so that they can see how generous and magnanimous you are. Why should people do this, then? What is it meant to achieve? Is it doable? Is it really a natural expression of people’s humanity? You must compromise yourself so much in order to take this on! You must be free of desires and demands, requiring yourself to feel less joy, suffer a bit more, pay more of a price and work more so that others do not have to wear themselves out. And if others whine, complain, or perform poorly, you must not ask too much of them—more or less is good enough. People believe that this is a sign of noble morals—but why does it ring false to Me? Is it not false? (It is.) Under normal circumstances, the natural expression of an ordinary person’s humanity is to be tolerant of themselves and strict with others. That is a fact. People can perceive everyone else’s problems—’This person is arrogant! That person is bad! This one is selfish! That one is perfunctory in doing their duty! This person is so lazy!’—while to themselves they think: ‘If I’m a bit lazy, that’s fine. I’m of good caliber. Though I’m lazy, I do a better job than others!’ They find fault with others and like to nitpick, but with themselves they are tolerant and accommodating wherever possible. Is this not a natural expression of their humanity? (It is.) If people are expected to live up to the idea of being ‘strict with yourself and tolerant of others,’ what agony must they put themselves through? Could they really bear it? How many people would manage to do so? (None.) And why is that? (People are selfish by nature. They act according to the principle that it is ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.’) Indeed, man is born selfish, man is a selfish creature, and is deeply committed to that satanic philosophy: ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.’ People think that it would be catastrophic for them, and unnatural, not to be selfish and look out for themselves when things befall them. This is what people believe and it is how they act. If people are expected not to be selfish, and to make strict demands of themselves, and to willingly lose out rather than take advantage of others, and if they are expected to happily say, when someone takes advantage of them, ‘You’re taking advantage but I’m not making a fuss about it. I’m a tolerant person, I won’t badmouth you or try to get my own back on you, and if you haven’t taken enough advantage yet, feel free to carry on’—is that a realistic expectation? How many people could manage to do this? Is this the way that corrupt mankind normally behaves? Obviously, for this to happen is anomalous. Why so? Because people with corrupt dispositions, especially selfish and mean people, struggle for their own interests, and giving thought to others will absolutely not make them feel satisfied. So, this phenomenon, when it does happen, is an anomaly” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (6)). God’s words exposed it all perfectly. Every person’s nature is selfish, and when things come upon them, they are very good at being tolerant of themselves and strict with others. When they suffer too much, they feel like they are being taken advantage of, their hearts feel unbalanced, and they simply cannot be strict with themselves and tolerant of others. However, during this period, I was constantly restraining myself and trying to be someone who was strict with myself and tolerant of others. Was I not just a hypocrite? I thought about how I had been overwhelmed by my workload during this time, and how the sisters I was working with didn’t have much work at hand. It was entirely possible to divide the work reasonably and ask my sisters to help me bear some of the burden as appropriate, so I could make time to edit the sermons for preaching the gospel as fast as possible. When I saw that none of my sisters were willing to shoulder more of a burden, I had a negative opinion of them in my heart, and complained that they were too selfish and weren’t considering the overall work, but I never spoke my innermost thoughts or proactively asked them to help me take on some of the work. I was afraid that if I said anything my sisters would say I was using my position as team leader to issue orders and that I had bad humanity, so I just worked overtime to do it myself. When I found out that Liu Jia did not bear a burden in her duty, and did not take reminders seriously, and she even pushed some work onto me, my heart was filled with disdain and resistance at this, and I complained that she didn’t bear a burden. I wanted to fellowship with her and dissect her attitude toward her duty, but then I was afraid that if I said anything, she would be disgusted at me and say that I wasn’t lenient, that I was too harsh. Therefore, I suppressed my resentment deep in my heart and did the work myself, on my own initiative. From the outside, it looked like I had taken on a lot of tasks, and wasn’t quibbling over minor matters with my sisters, but I felt wronged in my heart, and complained that they were selfish and only took care of their own tasks. Nevertheless, I never expressed the feelings of resistance in my heart. I saw how hypocritical I was! I was living by satanic thoughts and ideas, and insisted on taking on more work than I could handle even though I clearly wasn’t able to do it all. To say nothing of wearing myself out, flaws also appeared in my duty and some articles weren’t screened in time, which delayed the progress of the work. When I understood this, I was willing to turn my incorrect state around and assign some tasks to my sisters. I also fellowshipped with Liu Jia so that she would start to shoulder a burden in her duty, and reminded her when the progress of her work was slow. I stopped constantly pretending to be magnanimous. After a time, Liu Jia became more active in doing her duties, and I was able to handle my backlogged work in a timely manner. The results of my duty were also somewhat better than before.

I reflected on this afterward: I clearly couldn’t be strict with myself and tolerant of others, so why did I still force myself to try? I read the words of God: “It can be said with certainty that most of the people who require themselves to fulfill the moral of being ‘strict with yourself and tolerant of others,’ are obsessed with status. Driven by their corrupt dispositions, they cannot help but pursue prestige among men, social prominence, and status in the eyes of others. All of these things are related to their desire for status, and are pursued under the cover of their good moral conduct. And how do these pursuits of theirs come about? They entirely come from and are driven by their corrupt dispositions. So, no matter what, whether someone fulfills the moral of being ‘strict with yourself and tolerant of others’ or not, and whether or not they do so to perfection, this cannot change their humanity essence at all. By implication, this means that it cannot in any way change their outlook on life or their value system, or guide their attitudes and perspectives on all manner of people, events, and things. Isn’t that the case? (It is.) The more that someone is capable of being strict with themselves and tolerant of others, the better they are at putting on an act, disguising themselves, and at misleading others with good behavior and pleasing words, and the more deceitful and wicked they are by nature. The more that they are this type of person, the deeper their love and pursuit of status and power becomes. However great, glorious and correct their external moral conduct seems to be, and however pleasing it is for people to behold, the unspoken pursuit that lies in the depths of their heart, as well as their nature essence, and even their ambitions, may burst forth from them at any time. Therefore, however good their moral conduct is, it cannot conceal their intrinsic humanity essence, or their ambitions and desires. It cannot conceal their hideous nature essence which does not love positive things and is averse to and hates the truth. As these facts show, the saying ‘Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others’ is more than just absurd—it exposes those ambitious types who attempt to use such sayings and behaviors to cover up their unspeakable ambitions and desires. You can compare this to some of the antichrists and evil people in the church. In order to solidify their status and power within the church, and to gain a better reputation among other members, they are able to undergo suffering and pay a price while performing their duties, and they may even renounce their work and families and sell off everything they have to expend themselves for God. In some cases, the prices that they pay and the suffering they undergo in expending themselves for God exceed what an average person can withstand; they are able to embody a spirit of extreme self-denial in order to maintain their status. Yet, no matter how much they suffer or what prices they pay, none of them safeguard God’s testimony or the interests of God’s house, nor do they practice according to God’s words. The goal that they pursue is just to attain status, power, and God’s rewards. Nothing that they do has the slightest relation to the truth. Regardless of how strict they are with themselves and how tolerant they are of others, what will their ultimate outcome be? What will God think of them? Will He determine their outcome based on the external good behaviors that they live out? He certainly will not. People view and judge others based on these behaviors and manifestations, and because they cannot see through to the essence of other people, they end up being deceived by them. God, however, is never deceived by man. He absolutely will not commend and remember people’s moral conduct because they were able to be strict with themselves and tolerant of others. Instead, He will condemn them for their ambitions and for the paths they have taken in pursuit of status” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (6)). Through the exposure in God’s words, I understood that people who live by the traditional cultural value of being “strict with yourself and tolerant of others” all use their good behavior to restrain themselves, disguise themselves, and put themselves on show so that they build a good reputation in the minds of others. This was precisely what I was doing. I always felt that as the team leader, I had to step up and shoulder the burden; play the leading role in the team; do the things that the other team members didn’t do; and just grin and bear it no matter how busy I was. Only in this way would I win admiration and praise from others. So that people would say I had good humanity and was considerate, I made strict demands of myself, and however busy or tired I was, I would never proactively ask my sisters to share the burden of my work. For the same reason, when I discovered that Liu Jia wasn’t bearing a burden in her duty, I didn’t fellowship with her or help her in a timely manner, but took the initiative and did it myself. As a result, the work got backlogged because my work capability is limited, and the progress of the work was delayed. On the outside, I seemed to be very considerate and generous, never demanding that people do this or that or quibbling over details, but the aim of everything I did was not to show consideration for God’s intentions, or to show love for my brothers and sisters, but instead was to win admiration and praise, leaving a good impression of myself in the minds of others. Although I did manage to maintain my status and image in the minds of others, the work of the church was damaged. I was trading the church’s work for my own benefit. I was misleading people! I saw that I was truly too deceitful and wicked, and that I was walking the path of antichrists. God scrutinizes people’s innermost hearts, and though I can mislead my brothers and sisters, I cannot escape the scrutiny of God’s eyes. Everything I did was condemned by God. After realizing this, I felt a little scared, so I quickly came before God and prayed, “Dear God, I do not want to live by satanic thoughts and ideas. I beg You to lead me to rebel against and reject this satanic morality.”

Later, I read more of God’s words: “You must know clearly that any sort of saying about moral conduct is not the truth, much less can it stand in for the truth. They are not even positive things. So what exactly are they? It may be said with certainty that these sayings on moral conduct are heretical fallacies with which Satan misleads people. They are not in themselves the truth reality that people should possess, nor are they positive things that normal humanity ought to live out. These sayings on moral conduct constitute counterfeits, pretenses, falsifications, and tricks—they are factitious behaviors, and do not at all originate in man’s conscience and reason or in their normal thinking. Therefore, all of traditional culture’s sayings regarding moral conduct are preposterous, absurd heresies and fallacies. With these few fellowships, the sayings Satan puts forth about moral conduct have on this day been condemned, in their entirety, to death. If they are not even positive things, how is it that people can accept them? How can people live by these ideas and views? The reason is that these sayings on moral conduct align so well with people’s notions and imaginings. They evoke admiration and approval, so people accept these sayings on moral conduct into their hearts, and though they cannot put them into practice, inwardly, they embrace and worship them with gusto. And thus, Satan uses various sayings on moral conduct to mislead people, to control their hearts and their behavior, for in their hearts, people worship and have a blind belief in all sorts of sayings on moral conduct, and they would all like to use these claims to affect greater dignity, nobility, and kindness, thereby achieving their goal of being highly regarded and praised. All the various sayings on moral conduct, in brief, ask that when people do a certain kind of thing, they should demonstrate some sort of behavior or human quality in the realm of moral conduct. These behaviors and human qualities seem quite noble, and they are revered, so all people, in their hearts, very much aspire toward them. But what they have not considered is that these sayings about moral conduct are not at all the principles of comportment that a normal person should follow; instead, they are a variety of hypocritical behaviors that one may affect. They are deviations from the standards of conscience and reason, departures from the will of normal humanity” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (10)). “The truth principles of God’s words point out the correct direction and goal that people should follow, and they are also the path that people should walk. Not only do the principles of God’s words keep people’s conscience and reason functioning normally, but they naturally also add the principles of the truth onto the foundation that is people’s conscience and reason. These are the standards of truth that people with conscience and reason can rise to and meet. When people abide by these principles of God’s words, what they gain is not the enhancement of their morality and integrity, nor the protection of their human dignity. Instead, they have embarked on the right path in life. When a person obeys these truth principles of God’s words, they not only possess the conscience and reason of a normal person, but upon the foundation of possessing conscience and reason, they come to understand more truth principles with regard to how they should comport themselves. To put it simply, they come to understand the principles of comportment, to know which truth principles to use when viewing people and things and when comporting themselves and acting, and are no longer controlled and influenced by their own feelings, desires, ambitions, and corrupt dispositions. This way, they completely live out the likeness of a normal person” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (10)). From the exposure in God’s words, I gained some understanding of moral conduct in traditional culture. It turns out that moral conduct is incompatible with the truth, and cannot even be called a positive thing. It is completely hostile to the truth. However, I had been deeply influenced and harmed by following the moral principle of being “strict with yourself and tolerant of others.” I believed that I had to be generous when dealing with others and be more considerate of others, and that I couldn’t make things difficult for others even if I suffered, exhausted myself, or was wronged; only in this way could I be a person with noble moral character. Controlled by these mistaken views, I didn’t point out when my sisters didn’t bear much of a burden in their duties even when I had noticed this, and I didn’t fellowship about or dissect Liu Jia’s problems, just doing the work myself instead. Because I had taken on too much work and only had limited energy, the work got backlogged and the articles couldn’t be screened and submitted in a timely manner. This obstructed and disrupted the work. From the outside, I seemed to be understanding and tolerant of others, and easy to get along with. However, in fact, these were all good behaviors that I forced myself to fake to win praise from others. They were actually a way of cheating people, and obtaining status and a good impression of myself in the minds of others at the expense of the work of the church. I saw how these satanic views had made me become more and more hypocritical and deceitful, and how they had caused me to completely lose normal humanity and the integrity and dignity I ought to have. Only now did I see clearly that everything I had done was condemned by God; it was incompatible with the normal humanity that God requires. The principles for self-conduct required by God are that people live out normal humanity, protect the interests of God’s house first in everything they do, and treat their duties according to God’s requirements. Although I was the team leader, I had not been asked to take on everything myself, but instead to divide the work reasonably according to each person’s caliber, stature, and workload. Those with good caliber can be assigned more work, while those with poor caliber or those who have only been training for a short time can be assigned less work, to ensure that everyone can fulfill their own duty. If I discover corrupt dispositions or deficiencies with my sisters, I should fulfill my responsibilities by fellowshipping on the truth to help them. If they still don’t accept it, I should prune them harshly, and not simply accommodate and forgive them all the time. This is the best help I can give to my brothers and sisters. To be able to let go of one’s own impurities and intentions, to prioritize the interests of God’s house in all things, and to work together with one’s brothers and sisters harmoniously as one does one’s duty well: that is genuinely good humanity. From then on, I was willing to let go of this kind of traditional moral conduct, seek the truth principle in everything, and conduct myself and do my duty in accordance with God’s requirements.

In June 2024, there was a personnel transfer in the team and two sisters came in. Because generally I needed to cultivate people, my work progressed slowly, a backlog of articles built up, and some other work wasn’t completed. I thought about assigning more work to the newly arrived sisters to help them train more. However, I then also worried that as they had just arrived, they might feel under a lot of pressure if I arranged more duties for them, say that as a team leader, I didn’t show any consideration for them, and have a bad impression of me. I then thought about how it would be too hard to take care of all these tasks by myself, and how these two sisters were young and of good caliber. Now that they were more familiar with the work, they should be given more of a burden. If I were to carry on as before and maintain my status and image in the minds of others at every turn, doing everything myself, then other people wouldn’t be able to train. This would also delay the work. I remembered the words of God: “In everything you do, you must examine whether your intentions are correct. If you are able to act according to the requirements of God, then your relationship with God is normal. This is the minimum standard. Look into your intentions, and if you find that incorrect intentions have arisen, be able to rebel against them and act according to the words of God; thus will you become someone who is right before God, which in turn demonstrates that your relationship with God is normal, and that all that you do is for God’s sake, not your own. In all you do and all you say, be able to set your heart right and be just in your actions, and do not be led by your feelings, nor act according to your own will. These are principles by which believers in God must conduct themselves” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. How Is Your Relationship With God?). God’s intention is that people should have the correct intention in everything they do and do their duty according to God’s requirements. Only then can they be approved of by God. I had to correct my intention and protect the work of the church, giving my sisters more of a burden so that they would make faster progress and shoulder the work sooner. Although they had not trained on some tasks, they were capable of them based on their stature and caliber; as long as I fellowshipped with them about the principles, there shouldn’t be a problem. After that, I assigned them some tasks according to their stature and asked them to work on them, and I taught them anything they didn’t know how to do. After a period of training, they were also able to shoulder some of the work, and I could make more time to handle other tasks. After a period of time, the problem of the backlogged articles was solved, and the work was able to progress normally. I realized that when work is arranged reasonably according to each person’s stature and caliber, this is not only beneficial to the work, but also to the life growth of my brothers and sisters. By practicing in this way, my heart felt much more liberated, and I wasn’t as tired as before. Thank God!