God’s Love Strengthened My Heart
Xiao Li Liaoning Province
I had a harmonious family. My husband cared for and looked after me and our son was sensible and obedient, and moreover, our family was well-off. By rights, I should be very happy, but the fact was not so. No matter how good my husband and son were to me, and no matter how well-off my family was, it couldn’t make me happy. That was because I had lung disease, arthritis, and serious insomnia. I couldn’t sleep the whole night, my brain was lack of blood supply, and my limbs were weak. I felt very distressed but was unable to be free from them. The pressure in my business and the tortures of the illnesses caused me to suffer unspeakably. Those illnesses even more made me feel extremely miserable. To get free from those sufferings, I tried many ways, but in vain.
In March, 1999, a friend of mine preached’s end-time to me. Through reading God’s word every day and having meetings and fellowshipping with the brothers and sisters constantly, I understood many truths and knew many mysteries that I had never heard, and I was certain that Almighty God is indeed the returned , so I was very excited. Every day, I read God’s word thirstily. I also attended life, and often had meetings, prayed, and sang and danced to praise God with the brothers and sisters. My heart was full of peace and joy, and my mental outlook got better and better. Unknowingly, I recovered from my diseases little by little. I often offered my thanks and praises to God for that, really hoping that all people would come to enjoy God’s love and salvation. Not long afterward, the church assigned me to take charge of the gospel work, and I threw myself into it with full enthusiasm. However, I had never expected that….
On the evening of December 15, 2012, four sisters and I were discussing matters of preaching the gospel in a host home, when suddenly there were hurried footsteps from outside. Our hearts immediately flew into our mouths. We simultaneously thought: Is it the policemen coming? Many brothers and sisters were already arrested and put in prison by the police before because of preaching the gospel. So, we hurried to hide the books of God’s word and other related items. But before we had finished, we heard the door kicked open with a bang. Seven or eight undercover cops broke in and shouted at us, “Nobody move! Hands up! …” Without showing any credentials, they forcibly searched us and took away my ID card and a receipt of the Church’s money for seventy thousand yuan. Seeing the receipt, they became excited immediately. They pushed and dragged us into a police car and took us to the police station. At the station, the vicious policemen carefully searched us all over again and confiscated all our mobile phones. At that time, they considered a sister and me the church leaders. So, they transferred us to the Criminal Investigation Brigade of the Municipal Public Security Bureau that very night.
There, the policemen interrogated us separately. They handcuffed my hands to an iron chair. A vicious policeman shouted harshly at me, “What is the seventy thousand yuan for? Who sent the money? Where is it now? Who are your church leaders?” At that moment, I kept praying in my heart, “God, the vicious policemen force me to sell out the church leaders and tell them about the Church’s money. I mustn’t be a Judas to betray you. God, I’m willing to commit myself into your hand. May you give me faith, courage, and wisdom. No matter how the vicious policemen interrogate me by torture, I’m willing to stand testimony for you.” Then, I said to them resolutely, “I don’t know!” Hearing it, a vicious policeman, in exasperation, picked up a slipper and hit my face and head violently. While hitting me, he said ferociously, “How dare you not confess! How dare you believe in Almighty God! I’ll see whether you’ll believe or not.” My face was painfully hot and soon became swollen. My head became swollen and painful too. To force me to speak out the whereabouts of the money, four or five vicious policemen took turns beating me. One kicked my legs. One gripped me by the hair, shaking and tearing violently back and forth. One slapped my face. Blood streamed from my mouth. After wiping off the blood, they continued to beat me. They also wildly poked my body with electric batons. As they beat me, they demanded, “Speak up or not? Speak up!” Seeing that I still said nothing, they jabbed my private parts and my chest with the electric baton. I ached half dead. My heart beat violently, and I could hardly breathe. I just huddled trembling, feeling as if death was approaching me step by step. Though I clenched my teeth and didn’t utter a sound, I was very weak in my heart and felt that I could barely hold on, fearing that the vicious policemen’s cruel torture would come upon me once again. In agony, I prayed to God unceasingly, “God! Although I have the will to satisfy you, my flesh is weak and feeble. May you give me strength so that I can stand testimony.” Then I thought of the scene of thebeing cruelly beaten by the soldiers before he was crucified: His muscles were ruptured, he was badly mangled and had wounds all over…. But he didn’t say a word. God is holy and innocent. However, for the sake of redeeming mankind, he endured all kinds of humiliations and sufferings and was willing to be crucified. God could sacrifice his life for saving corrupt mankind. So I should also suffer for repaying God’s love. Under the encouragement of God’s love, I had courage in my heart and made a resolution before God, “God, the sufferings you underwent I should also undergo. The bitter cup you drank I should also drink. I’ll give up my life to stand testimony for you.”
Several minutes later, I fainted with pain. When I woke up, I found someone was pouring cold water on my face. I was already drenched through and shivered with cold. Seeing that I woke up, that gang of beasts said venomously to me, “How dare you be tight-lipped! We can fix you to death here and no one will know it!” I didn’t respond to them. Then a vicious policeman forcefully stuck the sunflower seed shells they had cracked into my fingernails. The pain was so unbearable that my fingers trembled incessantly. Then they sprayed water on my face and poured water down my neck. All my muscles contracted because of the icy cold water, and I felt painful to the extreme. That night, I prayed to God ceaselessly for fear that I couldn’t live if I left God. God was with me all the time and his words constantly encouraged me, “When man gives up his life completely, nothing is difficult. …” (from “The Interpretation of the Thirty-sixth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) “Just hold your head up! Do not be afraid. With me, your father, backing you up…. As long as you ask and pray more before me, I will bestow to you all the faith. Those in power look ferocious in appearance, but do not be afraid. That is because you have little faith. As long as your faith rises, nothing will be difficult.” (from “The Seventy-fifth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s words gave me boundless strength. Yes! God rules over all things. All matters and all things are in his hand. Even if the devils torture my flesh to death, my soul is in God’s hand. With God as my reliance, I was no longer afraid of satan, much less was I willing to be a betrayer because of caring for my flesh and for an ignoble existence. So, I prayed to God and made a resolution, “God! Although the devils torture my flesh, I’m willing to satisfy you and commit my whole being into your hand. Even if I have to die, I’ll stand testimony and never yield to satan!” Under the leading of God’s words, I had greater and greater faith. Although the devils afflicted and tortured my flesh and my endurance had already reached its limit, I felt less pain with the support of God’s words.
The next morning, the vicious policemen continued to interrogate me and threatened me, “If you don’t say it today, we’ll hand you over to the SWAT team. There are various kinds of torture devices waiting for you there….” Hearing that they would hand me over to the SWAT team, I instinctively felt afraid in my heart: The SWAT team must be even fiercer than they are. If they really use various torture devices on me, can I get out alive? Just when I was in panic, God’s words resounded in my ears, “What are the? The good soldiers of Christ should be brave, get strong in spirit by relying on me, strive to be valiant warriors, and fight satan to the death.” (from “The Twelfth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s words calmed down my panic-stricken heart quickly. I realized that it was a war in the spiritual realm and it was the time God asked me to bear testimony. With God as my rear guard, no matter what malicious means the devils may use, I’ll rely on God and be a good soldier of Christ, and fight satan to the death and never yield to it.