By Chongsheng, China

From a young age, I had always loved watching romantic dramas, and would always be so envious of the loving relationships between the main characters. So I came to believe that nothing could make me happier than having a husband that loved and cared for me. When I was seventeen, I met my future husband. His look fit my taste perfectly, he was relatively guileless and in our interactions, I saw that he was pretty caring and attentive toward me, so we got married just like that. After getting married, my husband continued to be very good to me and was very accommodating. He would do chores around the house and buy me anything I wanted. Sometimes if I was unhappy, he would cheer me up and be tolerant of my bad temper. I thought I was so lucky to have a husband that cared for and loved me like he did, and so I resolved to cherish our marriage.

It was in 2019 during the pandemic that my mom spread the gospel of God’s work in the last days to me. After that, I began doing a duty to the best of my abilities. One day while the brothers and sisters were gathering at our home, my husband suddenly came back. When he saw all the brothers and sisters there, he became very angry and viciously threatened, “If this happens again, I’m calling the cops!” With that he stormed out, slamming the door. I had never seen my husband so angry, it was like he had become a completely different person. I was really scared when I saw how resistant my husband was to my faith and thought, “What should I do? If he catches us again, will he really call the police? Is he going to go off on me tonight when he gets home? How do I explain this to him without jeopardizing our relationship?” At the time, a church leader related her personal experience to me in fellowship and read the following passage of God’s words: “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements or from human disturbance. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). After reading God’s words I realized that outwardly it seemed like it was my husband obstructing me, but in reality, it was Satan working through my husband’s threat to make me worried and afraid and even grow distant from and betray God and abandon my faith and duty in order to maintain our relationship. My husband caught us gathering with God’s permission. God hoped that I would stand firm in my witness in that situation, and I must stand with God and not give in to Satan. Once I understood God’s intentions, I felt a renewed faith. My husband was indeed very mad when he came home. He said he was going to install surveillance cameras and that if he caught me again he would call the police and divorce me. Hearing him say all that, I felt incredibly sad, and tears came streaming down my face. Just then, I recalled these words of God: “Everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). Satan was working through my husband to make me stop believing in God. I had to see through its evil plot. So I resolutely stated, “If you’re worried that my faith will get you in trouble, I can’t force you to stay with me. If you want a divorce then so be it, because I cannot give up my faith.” He got so angry his eyes became bloodshot and he pounded the bed with his fists. I may not have given in to my husband then, but I was still scared of getting a divorce, and I didn’t want my faith to get in the way of our relationship.

From then on, my husband stopped treating me so well and would erupt at me all the time and pick at my faults. “What are you doing at home all day? How can someone of your age be believing in God?” One time, he grabbed me by the throat and said, “I’ll strangle you and see if your God comes to save you!” That night, thinking of how caring my husband used to be to me and how now he picked at my faults every day because I believed in God, I felt so wronged and broke down in tears. The next morning my eyes were still swollen from crying, but my husband had no reaction when he saw me. When I thought of how if I didn’t believe in God, my husband wouldn’t treat me that way I got a bit hesitant, but then I thought of how God had come to do His work and save mankind and that I needed to practice faith well and walk the right path, so I knew I couldn’t abandon my faith for my husband. But I also didn’t want to lose my marriage. After that, I carefully maintained our relationship and thought of ways to get on my husband’s good side. Knowing that my husband was put off by my faith, I tried to hide my books of God’s words out of his view, and after gatherings I’d clean the room up and not leave the slightest trace of the meeting. No matter how tired I was from taking care of my kid, I’d always make time to clean the house and make meals. I would only do my devotionals when my husband wasn’t at home for fear of him finding fault in me. Sometimes, when my husband was working overtime, I’d take the chance to read God’s words, but I couldn’t focus because I’d be worried he’d come home early. I’d always have one ear on the door, and as soon as it opened, I’d frantically close the computer and put away my books. After that, my husband didn’t catch me practicing faith or reading God’s words again, and his attitude toward me gradually improved. In 2021, when my child was a bit older, my mother-in-law started taking care of her, and I was able to start watering newcomers. A little while later, I was selected as a watering deacon. Because I bore some burden in my duty, I was selected as a church leader in March of 2023. As a leader, I had to hold gatherings and my workload increased. Sometimes I had to respond to questions in letters at night, but I really didn’t dare to handle them at night. I thought to myself, “He doesn’t know I’m still practicing faith and doing my duty. Our relationship has just started improving, but if he found out I was still believing and doing my duty, wouldn’t he revert to finding fault in me all day like before? If I can’t work at night it’s fine, I’ll just work more during the day.” Because I dared not respond to letters at night and had gatherings every day, the unread letters started to pile up. The church’s cleansing and expelling work kept getting delayed and our gospel work progress also slowed. I was very anxious about all this myself, but I thought, “Since my mother- and father-in-law are living with us, if they find out about my faith and team up with my husband to pester me or encourage my husband to divorce me, what should I do?” I didn’t want to lose that marriage, so I felt constrained while doing my duty.

One time during a gathering, I heard this passage of God’s words: “Once they’re married, some people are prepared to devote all they can do to their married life, and they prepare to strive, struggle, and work hard for their marriage. Some desperately earn money and suffer and, of course, even more entrust their life’s happiness to their partner. They believe that whether they will be happy and joyful in life depends on what their partner is like, whether they’re a good person; whether their personality and interests match their own; whether they are someone who can bring home the bacon and run a family; whether they are someone who can ensure the basic necessities for them in the future, and provide them with a happy, stable, wonderful family; and whether they are someone who can comfort them when they encounter any pain, tribulation, failure or setback. To verify these things, they pay special attention to their partner while they’re living together. With great care and attention, they observe and record their partner’s thoughts, views, speech and behavior, every move they make, as well as any of their strengths and weaknesses. They remember in detail all the thoughts, views, words, and behaviors revealed by their partner in life, so that they can better understand their partner. At the same time, they also hope to be better understood by their partner, they let their partner into their heart, and they let themselves into their partner’s heart so that they can better restrain each other, or so that they can be the first person to appear before their partner whenever something happens, the first person to help them, the first person to stand up and support them, encourage them, and be their solid support. In such living conditions as these, the husband and wife seldom try to discern what kind of person their partner is, living entirely in their feelings for their partner, and using their feelings to care for their partner, tolerate them, handle all their faults, flaws, and pursuits, even to the point of responding to their every beck and call. For example, a woman’s husband says, ‘Your gatherings go on for too long. Just go for half an hour and then come home.’ She replies, ‘I’ll do my best.’ Sure enough, next time she goes to a gathering for half an hour and then returns home, and her husband now says, ‘That’s more like it. Next time, just go and show your face and then come back.’ She says, ‘Oh, so that’s how much you miss me! Okay then, I’ll do my best.’ Sure enough, she doesn’t disappoint him the next time she goes to a gathering, and comes home after ten minutes or so. Her husband is very pleased and happy, and says, ‘That’s better!’ If he wants her to go east, she doesn’t dare go west; if he wants her to laugh, she doesn’t dare cry. He sees her reading God’s words and listening to hymns and he hates it and feels disgusted, and says, ‘What’s the use in reading those words and singing those songs all the time? Can’t you just not read those words or sing those songs while I’m at home?’ She replies, ‘Okay, okay, I won’t read them anymore.’ She doesn’t dare to read God’s words or listen to hymns anymore. With her husband’s demands, she finally understands that he doesn’t like her believing in God or reading God’s words, so she keeps him company when he’s at home, watching TV together, eating their meals, chatting, and even listening to him vent his grievances. She will do anything for him, so long as it makes him happy. She believes that these are the responsibilities a spouse ought to fulfill. So, when does she read God’s words? She waits for her husband to go out, then locks the door behind him and hurriedly begins to read. When she hears someone at the door, she quickly puts the book away and is so frightened she dares not read it anymore. And when she opens the door she sees that it isn’t her husband returning—it was a false alarm, so she keeps reading. As she continues to read, she feels on tenterhooks, she’s nervous and fearful, thinking, ‘What if he really does come home? I’d better not read anymore for now. I’ll give him a call and ask where he is and when he’ll be back.’ So she rings him up and he says, ‘Work is a bit busy today, so I might not be home until three or four o’clock.’ This calms her down, but can her mind still settle down so she can read God’s words? It can’t; her mind has been disturbed. She hurries before God to pray, and what does she say? Does she say her belief in God lacks faith, that she’s afraid of her husband, and cannot quiet her mind to read God’s words? She feels she can’t say these things, so she has nothing to say to God. But then she closes her eyes and clasps her hands together. She calms down and doesn’t feel so flustered, so she goes to read God’s words, but the words don’t sink in. She thinks, ‘Where was I reading just now? Where did I get to in my contemplations? I’ve totally lost my train of thought.’ The more she thinks about it, the more annoyed and uneasy she feels: ‘I just won’t read today. It’s no big deal if I miss my spiritual devotions this once.’ What do you think? Is life going well for her? (No.) Is this marital distress or marital happiness? (Distress.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). God’s words exposed my exact state. It is perfectly natural and justified for people to practice faith and perform their duties. But when my husband obstructed me, in order to maintain our relationship, continue to enjoy his care and attentiveness, and not lose my marriage, I didn’t mind putting my duty to the side and did everything I could to get on his good side. Because my husband didn’t like me practicing my faith, I didn’t dare eat and drink God’s words while he was at home, and when I heard him arrive home, I’d get scared and frantically hide my books. If not for my husband, when I got home in the evening, I could have regularly performed devotionals, reviewed the mistakes in my work, eaten and drunk God’s words to resolve my corrupt disposition, and my life would have grown faster. This would have been beneficial to my duty as well. But, in order to maintain my happy marriage, I pushed my duty and my pursuit of the truth to the side and barely did any devotionals at home. Because I couldn’t resist certain evil worldly trends, I’d often get caught up in watching nonbeliever videos and movies, my relationship with God became distant and my life entry was damaged. What’s more, I wasn’t able to answer letters in a timely manner at night and so much of our work was delayed and wouldn’t get done until the leader came to check in and pressure us. I saw that I only cared about myself. I didn’t care if the church’s interests were compromised as long as I could maintain my marriage, and, as a result, many projects were delayed. I truly lacked conscience and reason and was so selfish and despicable.

After that, I then saw the following passage: “God has ordained marriage for you only so that you may learn to fulfill your responsibilities, learn to live peacefully together with another person and share life together, and experience what life shared with your partner is like and how to handle all the things you encounter together, making your life richer and more different. However, He does not sell you out to marriage and, of course, He does not sell you to your partner to be their slave. You are not their slave, and they are not your slave master, either. You are equals. You only have the responsibilities of a wife or a husband to your partner, and when you fulfill these responsibilities, God considers you to be a satisfactory wife or husband. There is nothing your partner has that you do not, and you are not worse than your partner. If you believe in God and pursue the truth, can perform your duty, often attend gatherings, pray-read God’s words, and come before God, then these are things God accepts and they are what a created being should do and the normal life a created being should live. There is nothing shameful about this, nor must you feel like you owe your partner anything because you live this kind of life—you owe them nothing. … In terms of fleshly relationships, apart from your parents, the one who is closest to you in this world is your spouse. Yet because you believe in God, they treat you like an enemy and attack and persecute you. They object to you attending gatherings, if they hear any gossip, they come home to scold and mistreat you. Even when you’re praying or reading God’s words at home and not affecting the normality of their life at all, they will still scold and oppose you, and even beat you. Tell Me, what kind of thing is this? Are they not a demon? Is this the person who’s closest to you? Does someone like this deserve to have you fulfill any responsibility toward them? (No.) No, they don’t! And so, some people who are in this kind of marriage are still at their partner’s beck and call, willing to sacrifice everything, sacrifice the time they should spend performing their duty, the opportunity to perform their duty, and even their opportunity to attain salvation. They shouldn’t do these things, and at the very least they should relinquish such ideas” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). Through reading God’s words, I learned that God ordains marriage to help people learn to live peacefully together, accompany and care for one another and learn to fulfill responsibilities. The idea is to have someone to consult with when encountering difficulties, someone to handle issues with under the framework of marriage. God does not sell me out to marriage, and I’m not my husband’s slave. We are all created beings, we are equal. After believing in God, I still did my best to care for my husband. When he encountered difficulties, I stood by his side, when he got sick I took care of him, and I entirely fulfilled my responsibility in our marriage, I didn’t owe him anything. In fact, it was he that constantly picked at my faults and threatened divorce, he didn’t value our marriage and yet I foolishly worked to maintain it and was even constrained by him and didn’t dare practice faith and pursue the truth. How foolish I was! I felt much clearer after reading God’s words. I wasn’t bothering him at all when I attended gatherings outside or ate and drank God’s words at home, yet not only did my husband fail to support me, he even pressured and obstructed me constantly, threatening me with divorce and calls to the police. This showed that my husband had poor humanity and was, in essence, a demon. He didn’t deserve how good I was to him, and I certainly shouldn’t abandon eating and drinking God’s words, pursuing truth, doing my duty and even getting a chance to be saved, just for him. When I returned home, I thought, “I can’t be constrained by my husband anymore.” The very next day, I began doing my duty at home. When I began cooperating practically, my husband stopped protesting. Sure, he would make the odd remark here and there, but I was no longer constrained and could do my duty normally.

Later on, I reflected on why I put so much emphasis on a happy marriage, and even saw it as my main pursuit in life. I saw two passages of God’s words: “First, some opinions regarding marriage become popular in society, and then various works of literature carry the ideas and opinions of the authors regarding marriage; as these works of literature are turned into television programs and films for the screen, they even more vividly expound upon people’s various opinions about marriage, their various pursuits, ideals, and desires about it. Whether more or less, visibly or invisibly, these things are continually instilled into you. Before you have any accurate concept of marriage, these societal opinions and messages about marriage create preconceptions in you and are accepted by you; then you start to fantasize about how your own marriage will be, and what your other half will be like. Whether you accept these messages through television programs, films, and novels, or through your social circles and the people in your life—regardless of the source, these messages all come from humans, society, and the world, or to speak accurately, they evolve and develop from wicked trends. Of course, to speak even more accurately, they come from Satan. Is this not the case? (It is.) … These opinions of society concerning marriage—these things which permeate people’s thoughts and the depths of their souls—are primarily about romantic love. These opinions are instilled into people, causing them to develop all kinds of fantasies about marriage. For example, they fantasize about who the person they love will be, what kind of person they will be, and what their requirements of a marriage partner are. In particular, there are multifaceted messages that come from society, which say they certainly need to love that person and that that person needs to love them back, that only this is true romantic love, that only true romantic love can lead to marriage, that only marriage based on romantic love is good and happy, and that a marriage without romantic love is immoral” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (10)). “Many people make their life’s happiness dependent upon their marriage, and their goal in pursuing happiness is the pursuit of the happiness and perfection of marriage. They believe that if their marriage is a happy one and they’re happy with their partner, then they will have a happy life, and so they regard the happiness of their marriage as a lifelong mission to be achieved through unremitting efforts. … Therefore, when God’s house requires those who pursue the happiness of marriage above all else to leave their homes and go to a distant place to spread the gospel and perform their duty, they often feel frustrated, helpless, and even uneasy about the fact that they may soon lose their marital happiness. Some people abandon or refuse to perform their duties in order to sustain their marital happiness, and some even refuse the important arrangements of God’s house. There are also some who, to sustain their marital happiness, often try to get to know their spouse’s feelings. If their spouse feels slightly displeased or shows even a hint of displeasure or dissatisfaction with their faith, with the path of faith in God they have taken, and with their performing their duty, they instantly change course and make concessions. To sustain their marital happiness, they often make concessions to their spouse, even if it means giving up chances to perform their duty, and giving up time for gatherings, reading God’s words and carrying out spiritual devotions in order to show their spouse that they’re there, to keep their spouse from feeling alone and lonely, and to make their spouse feel their love; they would rather do this than lose or be without their spouse’s love. This is because they feel that, if they give up their spouse’s love for the sake of their faith or the path of faith in God they’ve taken, then this means that they’ve abandoned their marital happiness and they won’t be able to feel that marital happiness anymore, and they will then be someone lonely, pitiful, and lamentable. What does it mean to be someone lamentable and pitiful? It means someone without the love or adoration of another. Even though these people understand some doctrine and the significance of God performing His work of salvation and, of course, they understand that as a created being they should perform the duty of a created being, because they entrust their spouse with their own happiness and they also, of course, make their own happiness dependent upon their marital happiness, even though they understand and know what they should do, they still can’t let go of their pursuit of marital happiness. They mistakenly view the pursuit of marital happiness as the mission they should pursue in this lifetime, and mistakenly view the pursuit of marital happiness as the mission that a created being should pursue and accomplish. Isn’t this a mistake? (Yes, it is.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). God’s words exposed how people’s absurd views about marriage were brought forth by Satan. I remember when I was little, you could hear romantic songs being played throughout the neighborhood. Whenever I heard those songs, I would always hope and dream about having a happy marriage. Ideas and views like “til death do us part” and “holding hands and growing old together” were gradually inculcated in my belief system. I came to believe that my husband would accompany me throughout my life and that nothing was more important than having a husband that loved and cared for me. After coming to believe in God, I read many of God’s words regarding performing duties, and knew in principle that I was lucky to have been born in the last days, that fulfilling my duty as a created being should be my main pursuit in life and was the most meaningful of all things. But I was bound and fettered by these worldly ideas and views. I thought that my husband should accompany me throughout my life and that a marriage without love would be pitiful and sad. So when my husband stopped caring for and loving me due to my faith, I just couldn’t take it. I was terrified that if my marriage broke down, I would end up in the pitiable state of having no one that loved and cared for me. So I did everything I could to win back my husband’s love. Seeing that he was opposed to my faith, I gave in to him and was willing to spend less time eating and drinking God’s words and delay church work in order to maintain my marriage. How selfish and despicable I was! I thought back on how from the time I began believing in God, my husband completely changed and started picking at my faults all the time. I saw that my husband treating me well was not true love, it was just an act that was all based on my ability to give him a child and keep the household maintained. When my faith threatened his interests, his mask came off and he revealed himself to be a demon. Romantic love and a happy marriage are nothing but hoaxes created by Satan to trick and entrap people. If I always took my duty lightly because I was trying to maintain marital happiness, I would never attain the truth and would eventually be eliminated by God.

In June of 2023, I was selected as a district leader. I knew this was God’s exaltation, but after a month in the duty, I noticed that there was often someone suspicious following me around. In that kind of situation, the only way I could do my duty safely was to leave home. However, I knew that if I left home, my husband might divorce me, and so I sank into worry and indecision. Through seeking, I found these two passages of God’s words: “Regardless of your role in the family or in society—whether it be as wife, husband, child, parent, employee, or anything else—and regardless of whether or not your role in married life is an important one, you have only one identity before God and that is as a created being. You have no second identity before God. Therefore, when God’s house calls upon you, that is the time when you should fulfill your mission. That is to say, as a created being, it is not that you should fulfill your mission only when the condition of maintaining your marital happiness and the integrity of your marriage is fulfilled, but rather it is that, as long as you are a created being, then the mission God bestows upon you and entrusts to you should be fulfilled unconditionally; regardless of the circumstances, it is always incumbent upon you to prioritize the mission entrusted to you by God, while the mission and responsibilities bestowed upon you by marriage are secondary. The mission you should fulfill as a created being which God has bestowed upon you should always be your top priority under any conditions and in any circumstances. Therefore, no matter how much you wish to maintain the happiness of your marriage, or what your marital situation is like, or how great a price your partner pays for your marriage, none of these are reasons to refuse the mission God has entrusted to you” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (10)). “If your pursuit of marital happiness impacts, obstructs, or even ruins your performance of the duty of a created being, then you should abandon not only your pursuit of marital happiness, but also your entire marriage. What is the final purpose and meaning of fellowshipping on these issues? It is so that marital happiness doesn’t impede your steps, tie your hands, blind your eyes, distort your vision, disturb and occupy your mind; it is so that the pursuit of marital happiness doesn’t fill your life path and fill your life, and so that you correctly approach the responsibilities and obligations you should fulfill in marriage and make the correct choices concerning the responsibilities and obligations you should fulfill. A better way to practice is to devote more time and energy to your duty, perform the duty you should perform, and accomplish the mission God has entrusted to you. You must never forget that you are a created being, that it is God who has led you through life to this moment, that it is God who has given you marriage, who has given you a family, and that it is God who has bestowed upon you the responsibilities you should fulfill within the framework of marriage, and that it is not you who chose marriage, it is not that you came to be married out of thin air, or that you can maintain your marital happiness by relying on your own abilities and strength” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (10)). Through reading God’s words, I realized that although in my own household I was a wife and mother, I was also a created being, created by God, and when assigned a duty, I had to accept it unconditionally and make it my number one priority. Fulfilling my duty as a created being is my one mission in life. God gifted me with life, He not only created the heavens and earth and all things, supplying mankind with everything they need, He also expresses all truths to save mankind, teaches us how to comport ourselves, and how to escape the ravages of Satan’s corruption and how to live out a true human semblance. If I rejected my duty in order to maintain my marriage, this would be incredibly unconscionable and unreasonable. If it didn’t delay my duty as a created being, I could fulfill my responsibilities under the framework of marriage, but because my pursuit of a happy marriage was influencing my duty, I had to set aside my marriage, put more energy and time into performing my duty as a created being and stop being held back by my marriage. It was then that I clearly understood that I had to stop sacrificing progress in my duty to maintain my marriage. So I resolved to leave home to do my duty. When I brought up with my husband that I needed to leave home to hide out for a while, he immediately wanted a divorce. He said, “I could wait for you if you were arrested and jailed for a few years, but if you leave home, I’m done.” I was deeply disappointed to hear that. I couldn’t believe that my husband would rather I be arrested and jailed than let me hide. I saw that my husband had a God-hating essence. I dried my tears and resolutely responded, “Man is created by God and so we ought to worship Him. Even if I’m arrested, I will continue believing after I get out. If you can accept this, we can stay together, if not then we’ll just both go our own ways.” The very next day we signed our divorce papers.

Now that I’m away from home and am no longer obstructed by my husband, I have even more time to read God’s words and do my duty. Whenever I have issues, I can seek out my brothers and sisters to fellowship and seek right away. When I reveal a corrupt disposition in my duty and my brothers and sisters point it out, I now have more time to quiet myself and reflect. I also have more time to check in on the work and promptly rectify any problems I find. We have started getting better results in our work as a result. I see now that I used to live by the views and ideas inculcated in me by Satan, I lost many opportunities to attain truth and didn’t do my duty well. It is all due to the guidance of God’s words that I was able to break free from the fetters and constraints of marriage. Thank God!