By Li Qiu, China

In the spring of 2005, my wife Huijuan and I were fortunate enough to receive the gospel of Almighty God of the last days, and later, we both took up our duties in the church. When we encountered difficulties and challenges in our duties, we prayed, sought, and read God’s words together, and we helped and fellowshipped with each other. Under the guidance of God’s words, we came to understand some truths. Before we knew it, over ten years passed, and we were both in our 60s. As we aged, our health declined, especially my wife, who developed high blood pressure and had to take medicine frequently. Sometimes, when her condition got really severe, she became dizzy and couldn’t move. Her heart and stomach were also in pretty poor shape. In our daily life, we cared for, fellowshipped with, and supported one another, and I felt at peace and content.

One day in September 2023, I received a letter from the upper leaders, asking me to supervise the church’s gospel work. I was very happy to see this, and I knew this was God gracing and elevating me. Although I understood some principles and had some experience in preaching the gospel, I still lacked much in fellowshipping the truth, and if I went elsewhere to do my duty, I would gain more opportunities to train, I would often be able to communicate with brothers and sisters, and I’d progress really quickly. Moreover, gospel work is the central work of God’s house, and God’s most urgent intention is for more people to come before Him and accept His salvation, so I had to consider God’s intention and cooperate with the gospel work. Thinking of this, I turned to look at my wife, thinking, “What will happen to her if I leave? She’ll be left all alone here at home. She already has high blood pressure, with a systolic pressure of around 160 to 180 mmHg and a diastolic pressure of around 120 to 130 mmHg, and when she gets sick, she feels like the bed is flipping and the room is collapsing, and she lies in bed, too scared to even move. Would she be able to manage without me by her side to take care of her?” I couldn’t help but wallow in these difficulties and anxieties. I saw tears in my wife’s eyes, and I asked her, “What’s wrong?” She paused for a moment and then said, “If you leave, I won’t have anyone to confide in. I’m getting older, and my body is sick, and having you beside me means I have somebody to depend on and care for me.” My wife put into words what I was thinking in my heart: “Will she be heartbroken and sad if I leave? What if she is in a bad state and her blood pressure suddenly spikes? Our son is doing his duties elsewhere and can’t be with us, but I can still take care of her when I’m by her side. People often say, ‘companions in youth, partners in old age,’ and as we grow old, the idea is that we should be together, looking after each other.” Thinking of this, I didn’t know what to do. I kept turning the matter over in my head, but I just couldn’t make up my mind. The sisters living nearby visited her, but I just worried, thinking, “What if she falls ill and something goes wrong? Will she be able to manage without me? Who will take care of her? Maybe I should send a letter to the leaders, explaining our real difficulties and asking them to find someone else.” But then I thought, “Supervising the gospel work is a weighty responsibility, and since this duty has come to me, it is God’s intention. If I don’t go to do it, that would be disobedience, but what will happen to my wife if I go? I can’t just disregard her either.” So I prayed to God, “God, I want to do this duty, but my wife’s illness is a real difficulty. God, I don’t know what to do. Please guide me.” At that moment, I remembered a passage of God’s words: “And considering the interests of God’s family first in all things” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. How Is Your Relationship With God?). I understood in my heart that I am a created being, and that I have to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements and prioritize the church’s work. Preaching the gospel and doing my duties is an unshirkable responsibility, and I have to submit.

The next morning, I saw my wife lying in bed. Her blood pressure had spiked again, she was too dizzy to get up, and her face was pale and haggard. My heart felt unsettled again, and I thought, “She could get ill at any time—what if she gets up for water to take medicine and she faints, and then that leads to other diseases or even paralysis? With her being like this, I don’t think I could leave with a clear conscience! Especially as she ages, the chances of her conditions flaring up will be higher, and she’ll need my care even more. I could write to the leaders to ask if my wife could go with me to do duties together, and she could do hosting duty. This way, I wouldn’t have to worry about her.” Later, I wrote a letter, but as I looked at the letter I’d written, I felt very uncomfortable. I asked myself, “What am I doing writing this letter? Am I not just setting conditions? I am a believer, yet when faced with a duty that doesn’t align with my desires, I make excuses to refuse. In what way am I submitting by doing this? Am I not just asking God to do things according to my will? Do I have any sense of reason at all?” I looked again at how much discomfort my wife was in, and my mind was in turmoil. On one side was my duty to preach the gospel, and on the other was my wife’s illness. I always worried about her, but I also didn’t want to abandon my duty. With God’s work having reached this point, if I made excuses to refuse now, did I have any conscience at all? At that moment, my wife’s dizziness subsided, and we both knelt down to pray to God. I said, “God, I wish to come out of this difficulty and accept my duty, but I am too small in stature to put my wife aside. Please guide me.”

During my devotionals, I read God’s words. “God has never intended to force, bind, or manipulate people. God never constrains or compels people, and even less does He force people. What God gives people is ample freedom—He allows people to choose the path that they should walk. Even if you are in God’s house, and even if you are predestined and chosen by God, you are free nonetheless. You can choose to reject God’s various requirements and arrangements, or you can choose to accept them; God gives you the opportunity to choose freely. But no matter what you choose, or how you act, or what your viewpoint is in handling a matter that you’re faced with, or what means and methods you ultimately use to resolve it, you must take responsibility for your actions. Your final outcome is not based on your personal judgments and definitions, and instead God is keeping a record on you. After God has expressed a great number of truths, and after people have heard this great number of truths, God will strictly measure the rights and wrongs of each person and determine the final outcome of each person based on what He has said, what He requires, and the principles that He has formulated for people. In this matter, God’s scrutiny, and God’s orchestrations and arrangements are not God manipulating people, or Him binding people—you are free. You do not need to be guarded against God, nor do you need to feel afraid or uneasy. You are a free person from start to finish. God gives you a free environment, a will to make free choices, and space to choose freely, allowing you to choose for yourself, and whatever outcome you end up with is entirely determined by the path you take. This is fair, is it not? (Yes.) If, ultimately, you are saved, and you are someone who submits to God and is compatible with God, and you are someone who is accepted by God, that is what you get because of your correct choices; if, ultimately, you are not saved, and you are not able to be compatible with God, and you are not gained by God, and you are not someone who is accepted by God, then that is also down to your own choices. Therefore, in His work, God gives people a lot of space to choose, and He also gives people absolute freedom” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (2)). After reading God’s words, I finally came to a realization: “God has given me the will to choose freely, and in situations such as this, God watches my choices and the path I take—whether I choose to submit to God and do my duty as a created being, or choose to put aside my duty and stay home to care for my wife. The leaders have asked me to supervise the gospel work. This will give me the opportunity to train in my duty, and God’s intention is behind this. The disasters are becoming more and more severe, and many people still haven’t heard God’s voice, and are still suffering under the torment and harm of Satan. God does not want to see them fall into disaster, and He hopes that more people will preach the gospel and testify to His work of the last days.” But even though I knew that the gospel work urgently needed me to cooperate with it, I worried that my wife might fall ill, so I wanted to stay at home and care for her, preferring to refuse and avoid my duty. To keep her from suffering, I even wanted her to come with me so she could do hosting duty, even though I knew she couldn’t do this duty with her conditions. My behavior truly demonstrated a complete lack of submission to God. If I couldn’t do my duty because I wanted to care for my wife, not only would I be failing to repay the heart’s blood God has invested in me, but I would also lose the opportunity to train in doing my duty and gain the truth, and my life entry would be harmed. I would have no loyalty or submission to God, and would not be accepted by Him. I had to prioritize the church’s work and actively accept my duty, as this is what a created being should do.

Later, I thought, “Why can’t I let go of my wife in my heart? I am afraid she’ll be lonely or sick, and I’ve even thought about making excuses to avoid my duty just to take care of her.” Upon reflection, I realized this was the influence of feelings. I read God’s words. “I do not give people the opportunity to express their feelings, for I am without fleshly feelings, and have grown to detest the feelings of people to an extreme degree. It is because of the feelings between people that I have been cast to one side, and thus I have become an ‘other’ in their eyes; it is because of the feelings between people that I have been forgotten; it is because of the feelings of man that he seizes the opportunity to pick up his ‘conscience’; it is because of the feelings of man that he is always averse to My chastisement; it is because of the feelings of man that he calls Me unfair and unjust, and says that I am heedless of man’s feelings in My handling of things. Do I also have kin upon earth? Who has ever, like Me, worked day and night, without thought for food or sleep, for the sake of My entire management plan? How could man be comparable to God? How could man be compatible with God? How could God, who creates, be of the same kind as man, who is created? How could I always live and act together with man on earth? Who is able to feel concern for My heart?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 28). “Some people are extremely sentimental. Every day, in all that they say, and in all of the ways they behave toward others, they live by their feelings. They feel things for this person and that person, and they spend their days attending to matters of relationships and feelings. In everything they encounter, they live in the realm of feelings. … their feelings are too acute. You could say that feelings are this person’s fatal flaw. They are constrained by their feelings in all matters, they are incapable of practicing the truth or acting according to principle, and they are often prone to rebel against God. Feelings are their greatest weakness, their fatal flaw, and their feelings are entirely able to bring them to ruin and destroy them. People who are overly sentimental are incapable of putting the truth into practice or submitting to God. They are preoccupied with the flesh and they are foolish and muddleheaded. It is that sort of person’s nature to be very sentimental, and they live by their feelings” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know Man’s Nature). After reading God’s words, I understood why God abhors the feelings that exist between people. It was because of my feelings for my wife that I was willing to avoid my duty. When faced with a situation, I put feelings first, and would start by considering my wife’s well-being, and I wouldn’t consider God’s intention or the duty I should do. Now, God’s gospel work is spreading to all nations, and brothers and sisters are actively preaching the gospel and testifying to God’s work. I had some understanding of the truths and principles relating to the preaching of the gospel, and I had gotten some results in my gospel work, so I had to do my duty. But I wasn’t considering God’s intention, and was instead worrying about my wife’s health. I worried that she would be lonely at home all by herself and that she wouldn’t have anyone to care for her if she fell ill. I was being controlled by my feelings and didn’t consider the gospel work at all. I wanted to make excuses and refuse my duty in order to stay at home and care for my wife. Although I knew that the interests of God’s house had to come first, the next day, when I saw my wife ill and unable to move in bed, I found myself living amid my feelings, thinking that my wife needed my care, and I even wrote to the leaders saying that I would no longer go out to do my duty, or else that my wife should be with me to do hosting duty so that I could take care of her. Thinking about it, since my wife was in such poor health and unable to take care of herself when ill, how would she be able to handle hosting duty? Her doing hosting duty was completely against principles, but because of my marital feelings, I didn’t consider the principles by which people are used in God’s house. I only considered that if we could be together, and if I could take care of her, that would be enough. I realized that my feelings for my wife were too strong, and that I treated my duty as a burden. In my heart, the feelings I had for my wife outweighed the interests of God’s house and my duty. In what way then, did God have any place in my heart? I lived according to my feelings, and I was constrained by them in every way. I couldn’t do my duties, to say nothing of practicing the truth and submitting to God. Such behavior is abhorrent to God. I quickly prayed to God, “God, my feelings have become my fatal flaw, and because of my feelings, I cannot truly submit to You, and I’ve even wanted to shirk my duty. I have no humanity or conscience! God, I wish to repent, and I ask that You lead me to break free from the constraints of my feelings and fulfill my duties to satisfy Your intention.”

Later, I read more of God’s words, and my heart became brighter. God says: “God has ordained marriage for you and given you a partner. You enter into marriage but your identity and status before God do not change—you’re still you. If you’re a woman then you’re still a woman before God; if you’re a man then you’re still a man before God. But there is one thing which you both share, and that is, regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman, you are all created beings before the Creator. Within the framework of marriage, you tolerate and love each other, you help and support each other, and this is fulfilling your responsibilities. Before God, however, the responsibilities you should fulfill and the mission you should accomplish cannot be replaced by the responsibilities you fulfill to your partner. Therefore, when there is conflict between your responsibilities to your partner and the duty a created being should perform before God, what you should choose is to perform the duty of a created being and not to fulfill your responsibilities to your partner. This is the direction and the aim you should choose and, of course, it is also the mission you should accomplish. Some people, however, mistakenly make the pursuit of marital happiness, or the fulfilling of their responsibilities to their partner, and their caring for, looking after, and loving their partner, into their mission in life, and they regard their partner as their sky, their destiny—this is wrong. … Therefore, the actions of any partner within the framework of marriage who pursues marital happiness at all costs or makes any sacrifice shall not be remembered by God. No matter how well or how perfectly you fulfill your obligations and responsibilities to your partner, or how much you live up to your partner’s expectations—in other words, no matter how well or how perfectly you maintain your marital happiness, or how enviable it is—it does not mean that you have fulfilled the mission of a created being, nor does it prove that you are a created being who is up to standard. Perhaps you’re a perfect wife or a perfect husband, but that remains confined to the framework of marriage. The Creator takes the measure of what kind of person you are based on how you perform the duty of a created being before Him, what kind of path you follow, what your outlook on life is, what you pursue in life, and how you accomplish the mission of a created being. With these things, God measures the path you follow as a created being and your future destination. He does not measure these things based on how you fulfill your responsibilities and obligations as a wife or a husband, nor on whether your love for your partner pleases them” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). God’s words clearly fellowship the responsibilities that spouses should fulfill toward each other. When the delaying of one’s duties can be avoided, spouses can consider, care for, help, and support each other. This is the responsibility that spouses should fulfill. Just like in the past when I wasn’t delaying my duties, when my wife’s health was poor, I was able to accompany and care for her, and in this, I was fulfilling my responsibilities and obligations as a husband. However, this didn’t mean I was doing the duties and responsibilities of a created being. When the church required me to carry out its work, I had to prioritize the church’s work as an unshirkable duty, and fulfill the responsibilities of a created being. That is to say, when my caring for my wife conflicts with my duties, I should choose to do my duties. This is the right choice and the duty and responsibility I should fulfill. Right now, the gospel work urgently needs people to cooperate with it, and preaching the gospel and testifying to God is my responsibility and mission. I have to decisively choose to do my duties, for this is what I should practice. But I was wallowing in the satanic ideas of “husband and wife should love one another deeply” and “companions in youth, partners in old age,” and I placed the emotional bond between spouses above everything else, thinking that as we grow old, we spouses must stay together, accompany each other, care for, help, and support one another, and that we are to be together always. Particularly with my wife in poor health, I thought that by caring for her, I was fulfilling my responsibility as a husband, and that only with me by her side would she feel comforted, and would we know happiness in our old age. My mind was filled with thoughts of my wife’s illness and future life, and I didn’t consider the gospel work of God’s house at all, nor did I consider how to complete the mission of preaching the gospel and testifying to God. I even wrote a letter wanting to refuse my duties, or else to take my wife along with me to do my duties, thinking this to be justified. I regarded the fulfillment of responsibilities between spouses as practicing the truth, and I saw caring for and accompanying my wife as my sole purpose in life. Even though God’s words had enlightened me to understand His intention, I still chose to stay home by her side to care for her. In my heart, I placed my wife above all else, even God. I was truly rebellious! I viewed things according to the satanic perspective of “companions in youth, partners in old age,” and I treated God’s requirements and duties as optional. I even preferred to resist God and shirk my duties to stay home and care for my wife, and I pushed aside my duties. I saw just how selfish I was! I also realized that no matter how well I took care of my wife, this was merely the responsibility and obligation of a spouse, not the practice of truth, but fulfilling my duties as a created being, fulfilling my responsibilities in the gospel work and completing my mission are what give my life value and meaning, and are the goals I should pursue. I thought about how God gave me the opportunity to believe in Him and be saved, and the opportunity to train in my duties and gain the truth, yet I still couldn’t properly do my duties to repay God’s love. I even held on to satanic views, and had no loyalty or submission to God. I was truly lacking in conscience and humanity. This not only would cause God to detest me, but would ultimately lead me into ruin.

Later, I also realized that my inability to let go of my wife, and my thinking that only by being by her side could I take good care of her demonstrated a lack of faith in God’s sovereignty. I recalled God’s words. “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite man always rushing and busying himself on his own behalf, he remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a created being?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). “Who can truly and completely expend themselves for Me and offer up their all for My sake? You are all half-hearted; your thoughts go around and around, thinking of home, of the outside world, of food and clothing. Despite the fact that you are here before Me, doing things for Me, deep down you are still thinking of your wife, children, and parents at home. Are all these things your property? Why do you not entrust them into My hands? Do you not have sufficient faith in Me? Or is it that you are afraid I will make inappropriate arrangements for you? Why do you always worry about the family of your flesh and feel concerned for your loved ones? Do I have a certain place in your heart?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 59). God’s words made me realize that my fate is in God’s hands, that my wife’s fate is also in God’s hands, and that I cannot control her fate. Her physical condition, whether or not she will fall ill, or if her illness will worsen are all under God’s sovereignty, and it’s not as if by staying by her side and taking care of her, she won’t get sick. At this point, I was spending every day by her side taking care of her, but she still had high blood pressure, dizziness, and difficulty moving, did she not? I realized that I didn’t truly understand God’s sovereignty, nor did I truly believe or submit, and that when it came to my wife’s illness, I always wanted to try and control it myself and break free of God’s sovereignty. How truly lacking in reason I was! Normally, I’d just speak words and doctrines, saying that God is sovereign over everything, but God didn’t have a place in my heart, and I didn’t truly understand God’s sovereignty or authority, and when real situations occurred, I had no testimony at all. I didn’t believe that my wife’s illness was in God’s hands and I dared not entrust her to God. In what way did I have any real faith in God? God controls and is sovereign over everything, and how much suffering my wife will endure, what she will experience, how many setbacks she will face, whether her illness will worsen, or if she will be paralyzed, are all in God’s hands. If God has ordained that her illness will worsen or that she will be paralyzed, then even if I stay by her side, I will be powerless. If she is destined to be paralyzed, she will be. If God has not ordained that her illness will worsen or cause paralysis, then even if I’m not there to take care of her, her condition will not worsen. I thought about a hospital director I once knew. His wife had been perfectly fine one day, but the next, she felt unwell and was admitted to the hospital, and after a check-up, it was discovered that she had advanced cancer. This director was a medical expert, and even though he stayed by his wife’s side, he was powerless, and eventually she died after the treatment failed. There was also a brother who had worked with me. He was 70 years old. He had lost his wife, and his children worked elsewhere. Sometimes when he was ill, no one was there by his side, but he relied on God to learn lessons, did his duties normally, and his health remained good. From this, I saw that people cannot control their own fates, nor can they control the fates of others. Everyone’s fate is in God’s hands. I thought again about how my wife has believed in God, which meant that when she had a bad state or when she was ill, she could pray to God and seek the truth, and it was only with the guidance and enlightenment of God’s words that her heart could find peace and stability, and no matter how well I was taking care of her, when she was sick, I would be powerless to help. I had to entrust my wife’s illness to God and look to Him. Under the guidance of God’s words, I stopped worrying and fretting about my wife’s illness, and my heart became light and free. My wife’s condition also improved a lot, and she was willing to pray to God and rely on God to experience it in practice, and expressed her support for me to go out and do my duty. So I wrote to the leaders, expressing my willingness to go and do my duty.

Later, my wife’s health improved a bit, and she realized that she hadn’t had a place for God in her heart and that she hadn’t believed in God’s sovereignty. She hadn’t wanted me to leave because she’d only felt secure with me as her support. Her frequent illness in those days caused her to reflect on herself, and she was willing to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and that no matter where I went to do my duty, she would support me, and didn’t want me to worry about her. She said she would pray to God, rely on Him to experience His words, and focus on her life entry. Later, I went to supervise the gospel work, and not long after, I heard that my wife’s illnesses had improved greatly, and that she’d been doing her duty as best as she could.

Through this experience, I realized that I’d been placing too much importance on my feelings, and that because of my feelings, I could even refuse my duty and betray God, which showed that I had had no loyalty or submission to God. I’d also understood how to view my wife’s illness, and I’d become willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements and prioritize my duty of preaching the gospel. Thank God for His love and salvation for me!