By Kathleen, Italy

I was born in the mid-80s, and I loved watching TV dramas when I was growing up. Whenever I saw the female lead in a white wedding dress walking down the aisle with the man she loved, and the man saying to her, “I’ll protect you for the rest of your life and make you happy,” I’d be filled with envy. I was convinced that being with the one you love, having a lovely child, and living together as a harmonious family—that was the happiest life. When I grew up, I met a young man who was mature and steady. He was especially considerate of me, tolerant of my willfulness, and always did romantic things for me, like buying me little gifts. He promised he would always treat me well and never let me be the slightest bit wronged. Although his family was very poor and my parents were strongly against our marriage, I married him without a second thought. After we got married, we had a lovely son, and my husband was still just as considerate. He took care of all our family matters, big and small, so I barely had to worry about a thing. I stayed home to look after our child and do the housework, preparing delicious meals for him every day before he came home and doing my best to be a good wife. This married life made me feel very content, and I thought I was the happiest woman in the world.

When our child was seven months old, I accepted Almighty God’s gospel of the last days. By reading God’s words, I came to know the origin of mankind’s fall, how Satan corrupts people, and how God works step by step to save people. I understood many truths I hadn’t understood before. I felt that believing in God was wonderful, and I hoped my husband would believe in God with me. But to my surprise, when my husband found out I believed in God, he flew into a rage. He absolutely forbade me from believing, and even demanded to know who had preached the gospel to me, proclaiming that he would get even with that person. Seeing my husband’s attitude, I was heartbroken. I was afraid that he would argue with me every day because of my faith, that our relationship would be ruined, and that I would lose my marriage. I felt a bit weak, and I didn’t have such great motivation in my faith anymore. A few days later, a sister learned about my state and read a passage of God’s words to me: “Every step of work that God does on people externally appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements or from human disturbance. But behind every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and they require people to stand firm in their testimony for God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a wager with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men and the disturbance of men. Behind every step of work that God does on you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it is a battle. … When God and Satan do battle in the spiritual realm, how should you satisfy God, and how should you stand firm in your testimony to Him? You should know that everything that happens to you is a great trial and the time when God needs you to bear testimony” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). The sister fellowshipped with me, saying, “Your husband is obstructing your belief in God, but behind this is actually Satan’s disturbance. You’ve only just accepted God’s gospel of the last days and want to pursue the truth to attain salvation. Satan doesn’t want people to follow God, so it uses your husband to obstruct and persecute you, to make you give up your faith. This is Satan’s scheme! Look, in the beginning, God created Adam and Eve. They lived in the Garden of Eden with God’s presence and provision, and they were very happy. Satan wanted to snatch man out of God’s hands, so it used lies to deceive and tempt Eve into eating the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Adam and Eve, lacking discernment, doubted and denied God’s words. They listened to Satan, ate the fruit, and betrayed God. As a result, they were cast out of the Garden of Eden and fell under Satan’s power, to be trampled and tormented by it. Satan is using your husband to persecute and obstruct you. We must see through Satan’s scheme and stand firm in our testimony for God.” After listening to the sister’s fellowship, I understood. Since I wanted to believe in and follow God, Satan would do everything it could to obstruct me. It was trying to use my husband’s persecution to make me give up my faith. If I went along with my husband and stopped believing, I would be betraying God. I couldn’t fall for Satan’s trick. No matter how my husband persecuted me, I could not give up my faith in God. After that, whenever my husband wasn’t home, I would secretly read God’s words and go out to gatherings. A year later, I was elected to be a watering deacon. Through attending gatherings, reading God’s words, and listening to the brothers and sisters fellowship about their experiential understanding of His words, I became more and more convinced that believing in God is the right path in life, and I became more active in doing my duty. However, I was still constrained by my husband. Sometimes, if a gathering ended a little late, I would become restless, worried that my husband would get angry and quarrel with me when he came home and didn’t see me. So, as soon as gatherings were over, I would rush home as fast as I could. Once I got home, I’d hurry to cook and get everything in the house in order. To avoid any unpleasantness with my husband, I never did my devotionals when he was home. Each time, I’d wait until he left before I dared to take out my books of God’s words, and as soon as I heard a noise outside the door, I’d quickly hide them.

Later, the church work got busier and busier, and sometimes I would get home late. One time, a gathering ended late, and I wasn’t able to pick up our child from kindergarten on time, so the teacher called my husband. When I got home, he angrily asked me where I had been. I didn’t want to lie to him, and I also wanted to take the opportunity to tell him what I had gained since I started believing in God. But to my surprise, after hearing me out, he said furiously, “Was it your dad who preached this God stuff to you?” as he started to dial my dad’s number. I wanted to have a proper talk with him, but he was furious. I asked him, “As a believer in God, I don’t smoke, drink, or play mahjong, and I certainly don’t do anything improper. Why do you hate belief in God so much?” He gave a scornful laugh and questioned me, “Didn’t you learn in school that humans evolved from apes? How can there be a God? Where is God? If there’s a God, let Him strike me dead right now!” I was utterly shocked by my husband’s words, and I quickly warned him not to talk so recklessly. But he just burst out laughing and said, “Your belief has driven you crazy! How can there be a God? You can smoke, drink, play mahjong, and do whatever you want, but you just can’t believe in God! I’ll ask you one more time: Do you want God, or this family?” I said, “My faith in God is solid!” When he saw I was determined to believe in God, he said, “Then leave! You can believe in God and go to your heaven, and I’ll go to my hell!” Looking at his ferocious expression, I truly couldn’t believe this was the same husband who had once promised to love me my whole life and give me a lifetime of happiness. He hated God so much; he was a thorough atheist. I was heartbroken. Deep down, I didn’t want to accept the fact that he resisted God, and I couldn’t let go of our marriage. I kept comforting myself, thinking he was probably just saying things in anger and that everything would be fine once he calmed down. So, I decided to go stay at my mom’s house for a while. That way, I could also do my duty normally. But unexpectedly, a few days later, my husband brought a group of friends to my mom’s house. They were all talking at once, trying to persuade me to give up my faith. I was afraid they would attract the attention of the neighborhood committee or the police, so I had no choice but to go back home with my husband for the time being.

After we got home, my husband watched me every day, taking me with him wherever he went and not letting me stay home alone. He also bought me delicious food every day, took our child and me to parks and malls, and was always telling me how to be a good wife and how our family of three could be happy. Gradually, I stopped discerning his words. I just thought, “My husband is so good to me, and our child is so well-behaved; it would be nice to just keep living like this.” Because I was growing more and more fond of this kind of life, I no longer bore a burden in my duty. I didn’t attend group gatherings for a month, and afterward, the leader dismissed me in light of my circumstances.

In the days that followed, although my husband was not angry with me anymore, I couldn’t drive off the emptiness in my soul. I drifted through each day in a daze. I often asked myself, “Am I going to live my whole life like this? What is the meaning of life?” Then, a few lines of God’s words came to mind: “Where is your resolve? Where is your ambition? Where is your dignity? Where is your integrity?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (8)). Facing God’s questions, one after another, I felt terrible. I asked myself in my heart, “Where is my resolve? Why can’t I break free from my husband’s constraints?” After that, I found that passage of God’s words to read. Almighty God says: “God has spoken so many words, yet who has ever taken them seriously? Man does not understand God’s words, yet he remains unperturbed, and without yearning, and has never truly known the essence of the old devil. People live in Hades, in hell, but believe they live in the palace of the seabed; they are persecuted by the great red dragon, yet think themselves to be ‘favored’ by the country; they are ridiculed by the devil yet think they enjoy the superlative artistry of the flesh. What a bunch of dirty, lowly wretches they are! Man has met with misfortune, but he does not know it, and in this dark society he suffers mishap after mishap, yet never has he woken up to this. When will he cast off his self-kindness and slavish disposition? Why is he inconsiderate of God’s heart? Does he quietly condone this oppression and hardship? Does he not wish for the day when he can change darkness into light? Does he not wish to once more remedy the grievances toward justice and truth? Is he willing to watch and do nothing as people forsake the truth and twist the facts? Is he happy to keep enduring this maltreatment? Is he willing to be a slave? Is he willing to perish at the hands of God together with the slaves of this failed state? Where is your resolve? Where is your ambition? Where is your dignity? Where is your integrity? Where is your freedom? … Thus aimlessly bullied and oppressed, his whole life will ultimately have been spent in vain; why is he in such a hurry to arrive, and such a rush to depart? Why does he not keep something precious to give to God?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (8)). Reading God’s exposure of the current state of human life, I felt as if I had been woken up from a dream. I used to think that a family of three living together in harmony was the most wonderful life, but was that really the case? Believing in God is a perfectly natural and justified thing, yet in order not to anger my husband, I didn’t even dare to read God’s words at home, let alone attend gatherings or do my duty. I spent every day just attending to the daily needs of my husband and child, living without any goal or direction, like a walking corpse. Living this meaningless life without a sense of self was not happiness at all. It was just as God says: “You live in such a world of horses and cattle, yet you actually do not feel troubled; you are full of joy and live freely and easily. You are swimming around in that foul water, yet you do not actually realize that you have fallen into such a predicament. Every day, you consort with unclean spirits and interact with ‘excrement.’ Your lives are quite vulgar, yet you are not actually aware that you absolutely do not exist in the human world and that you are not in control of yourself. Do you not know that your life was long ago trampled by those unclean spirits, or that your character was long ago sullied by foul water? Do you think you are living in an earthly paradise, and that you are in the midst of happiness? Do you not know that you have lived a life alongside unclean spirits, and that you have coexisted with everything that they have prepared for you? How could the way you live have any meaning? How could your life have any value?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. You Are All So Base in Character!). The more I pondered God’s words, the more pitiful I felt my life was. My brothers and sisters were all losing no time to eat and drink the words of God and pursue the truth, and their lives were constantly growing. But my days revolved around my husband and child, and I was wasting my life on my marriage. God has become flesh to express the truth to cleanse and save people, so that they can cast off their corrupt dispositions, attain God’s salvation, and live out a meaningful life. If my days all revolved around my husband and child, I would surely miss this extremely rare opportunity for God’s salvation, and in the end, I would perish along with the devils. That would be a lifelong regret! I then prayed to God, “Oh God, I can’t just muddle along in a daze anymore. I want to pursue the truth and do my duty, but I can’t let go of my husband in my heart. May You guide me to see through Satan’s schemes, so I’m no longer constrained by him and can believe in You wholeheartedly and do my duty properly.”

Afterward, I read the words of God, and saw my husband’s essence more clearly. God says: “Why does a husband love his wife? Why does a wife love her husband? Why are children dutiful to their parents? Why do parents dote on their children? What sorts of intentions do people actually harbor? Is their intent not to satisfy their own plans and selfish desires?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). “Suppose a man becomes infuriated and flies into a rage when God is mentioned: Has he seen God? Does he know who God is? He does not know who God is, does not believe in Him, and God has not spoken to him. God has never troubled him, so why would he be angry? Could we say that this person is wicked? Worldly trends, eating, drinking, and pleasure-seeking, and chasing celebrities—none of these things would bother such a man. However, at the very mention of the word ‘God,’ or of the truth of God’s words, he flies into a rage. Does this not constitute having a wicked nature? This is sufficient to prove that this is man’s wicked nature” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique V). God’s words woke me up. My husband had no real love for me at all; his so-called love was conditional. I thought about why my husband used to be so accommodating to me. It was because his family was very poor, and he didn’t give me a betrothal gift when we got married, while my looks and family background were both better than his. He felt proud to be seen with me. Plus, after we got married, I did the laundry, cooked for him, and gave him a child, and I was considerate and took care of him in every aspect of life. After I started believing in God, because the CCP was arresting Christians, he was afraid that if I got arrested, he would lose face, so he became cold toward me, often got angry with me, and even tried every way he could to stop me from believing in God. How was that loving me? It was clearly just controlling and using me. I had been blinded by so-called love, thinking my husband truly loved me. I was so foolish! The moment God was mentioned, my husband would see red and fly into a rage, even saying things that denied and scorned God. He was a devil who hated and resisted God! To make me give up my faith, he used both hard and soft tactics, and even said I could eat, drink, be merry, and play mahjong—anything but believe in God and walk the right path. Devils are just that twisted! In the past, I saw him as mature, steady, and tolerant of me in every way, and I thought he was a man I could entrust my whole life to. But now I saw it clearly: That was all just an illusion. I didn’t have the truth and couldn’t discern people. I had been deceived by his sweet talk all along. I was so blind! Then, I thought of God’s words: “Believers and nonbelievers are inherently not compatible; rather, they are opposed to one another” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). My husband is an atheist who pursues worldly trends and enjoys eating, drinking, and being merry. I believe in God and pursue the truth and salvation. We’re not walking the same path. He can’t change my faith, and I can’t change his essence. Even if we stayed together, we wouldn’t be happy. My husband kept me under his watch, coaxing me every day to join him in pursuing evil trends, and stopping me from believing in God and doing my duty. That wasn’t love; that was pulling me down to hell with him. I couldn’t compromise with this devil anymore. I had to believe in God wholeheartedly and do my duty properly.

After that, I went out and did my duty as normal. When my husband saw he couldn’t control me, he gave me the silent treatment. Although this kind of married life left me physically and mentally exhausted, in my heart, I still hoped that one day my husband would stop obstructing my faith, and our family could live together in harmony as we had before. Later, I pondered, “Why can’t I let go of this marriage in my heart?” Then I read the words of God: “Pernicious influences that thousands of years of ‘the lofty spirit of nationalism’ have left deep in the human heart, as well as the feudal thinking by which people are bound and chained, without an iota of freedom, with no ambition or perseverance, no desire to make progress, remaining instead negative and regressive, entrenched in a slave mentality, and so on—these objective factors have imparted an indelibly filthy and ugly cast to the ideological outlook, aspirations, morality, and disposition of humanity. Humans, it would seem, are living in a dark world of terrorism, which none among them seeks to transcend, and none among them thinks of moving on to an ideal world; rather, they are content with their lot in life, to spend their days bearing and raising children, striving, sweating, going about their chores, dreaming of a comfortable and happy family, and dreaming of conjugal affection, of filial children, of joy in their twilight years as they peacefully live out their lives…. For tens, thousands, tens of thousands of years until now, people have been squandering their time in this way, with no one creating a perfect life, all intent only on mutual slaughter in this dark world, on the race for fame and gain, and on intriguing against one another. Who has ever sought after God’s intentions? Has anyone ever heeded the work of God? All the parts of humanity occupied by the influence of darkness have long since become human nature, and so it is quite difficult to carry out the work of God, and people have even less heart to pay attention to what God has entrusted to them today” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (3)). After reading God’s words, I understood. After being corrupted by Satan, people are bound and shackled by various traditional cultural ideas and feudal thoughts. They make a loving marriage and raising children the goal of their lifelong pursuit, and this has been passed down from generation to generation. On top of that, all sorts of TV shows, films, and literary works promote ideas like “Love is supreme” and “holding hands and growing old together.” As a result, people believe that pursuing a happy marriage is the most important thing. I had also taken these ideas to heart and made having a happy marriage my life’s goal. After we married, my husband was always creating little romantic moments and was both considerate and caring toward me, so I felt incredibly content. I thought that being able to spend my whole life with him made life worthwhile. To maintain our happy marriage, I learned to cook, stayed home to raise our child, and did my best to be a good wife and mother, pouring all my time and energy into our marriage and family. I saw marriage as my destination in life and felt that giving everything for it was what I was supposed to do. After finding God, I understood many truths and mysteries from His words. I also knew that as a created being, I ought to worship the Creator and fulfill my duty. However, I was afraid that believing in God would anger my husband and I’d lose our marriage, so I was often distracted during gatherings and didn’t dare to read the words of God or listen to hymns at home. To maintain my relationship with my husband, I put my duty aside and even regretted doing it. I was tightly bound by satanic ideas like “A woman’s marriage is her lifelong destination,” “A happy marriage is the greatest happiness,” and “holding hands and growing old together.” I couldn’t tell the difference between positive and negative things, and I readily gave up my duty to pursue a happy marriage. If I continued like this, I would ultimately perish along with Satan. Thinking about it, even if I could live a harmonious life with my husband, what meaning would there be in that? I wouldn’t fulfill my duty as a created being, nor would I understand the truths I was supposed to understand. Wouldn’t living my whole life in a muddle just be a waste of time? Then I thought of God’s words: “For tens, thousands, tens of thousands of years until now, people have been squandering their time in this way, with no one creating a perfect life.” The life I was pursuing was a meaningless one, and I couldn’t help but reflect: What is the most beautiful life? How should a person really live for their life to have meaning?

Then I read two passages of God’s words, and found a direction for my life in them. Almighty God says: “Some people, however, mistakenly make the pursuit of marital happiness, or the fulfilling of their responsibilities to their partner, and caring for, looking after, and cherishing and protecting their partner, into their mission in life, and they regard their partner as their heaven, their life—this is wrong. Your destiny is under God’s sovereignty and is not governed by your partner. Marriage cannot change your destiny, nor can it change the fact that God holds sovereignty over your destiny. Concerning the kind of outlook on life you ought to have and the path you ought to follow, you should seek these in the words of God’s teachings and requirements. These things are not dependent upon your partner and are not for them to decide. Besides fulfilling their responsibilities to you, they shouldn’t have control over your destiny, nor should they demand that you change your direction in life, nor decide what path you follow, nor decide what outlook on life you should have, much less should they constrain you or obstruct you from pursuing salvation. As far as marriage goes, all people can do is accept it from God and adhere to the definition of marriage God has ordained for man, with both husband and wife fulfilling their responsibilities and obligations to each other. What they cannot do is decide their partner’s destiny, previous life, present life, or the next life, let alone eternity. Your destination, your destiny, and the path you follow can only be decided by the Creator. Therefore, as a created being, whether your role is that of wife or husband, the happiness you should pursue in this life comes from you performing the duty of a created being and accomplishing the mission of a created being. It does not come from marriage itself, much less from you fulfilling the responsibilities of a wife or husband within the framework of marriage. Of course, the path you choose to follow and the outlook on life you adopt shouldn’t be built upon marital happiness, much less should they be determined by one or the other of the spousal couple—this is something you ought to understand. So, people entering marriage who only pursue marital happiness and regard this pursuit as their mission should let go of such thoughts and views, change the way they practice, and change the direction they’re headed in life” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (11)). “Man must seek to live out a life of meaning, and should not be satisfied with his current circumstances. To live out the image of Peter, he must possess the knowledge and experiences of Peter. Man must pursue things that are higher and more profound. He must pursue a deeper, purer love of God, and a life that has value and meaning. Only this is life; only then will man be the same as Peter. You must focus on entering proactively on the positive side, and you must not be passive and allow yourself to backslide for the sake of temporary ease while ignoring more profound, more detailed, and more practical truths. You must possess practical love, and you must find every possible way to free yourself from this decadent, carefree life that is no different from an animal’s. You must live out a life of meaning, a life of value, and you must not fool yourself or treat your life like a toy to be played with. For everyone who has resolve and loves God, there are no unobtainable truths and no justice for which they cannot stand firm. How should you live your life? How should you love God, and use this love to satisfy His intentions? There is no greater matter in your life. Above all, you must have this kind of resolve and perseverance, and should not be like those who are spineless weaklings. You must learn how to experience a meaningful life and experience meaningful truths, and should not treat yourself perfunctorily in that way. Without you realizing it, your life will pass you by; after that, will you still have this kind of opportunity to love God? Can man love God after he is dead? You must have the same resolve and conscience as Peter; your life must be meaningful, and you must not play games with yourself. As a human being, and as a person who pursues God, you must be able to consider and approach your life carefully—considering how you should offer yourself to God, how you should have a more meaningful faith in God, and how, since you love God, you should love Him in a way that is more pure, more beautiful, and more good. … You must suffer hardship for the truth, you must sacrifice yourself for the truth, you must endure humiliation for the truth, and you must undergo more suffering for the sake of gaining more of the truth. This is what you should do. You must not throw away the truth for the sake of the enjoyment of family harmony, and you must not lose a lifetime of dignity and integrity for the sake of temporary enjoyment. You should pursue all that is beautiful and good, and you should pursue a path in life that is more meaningful. If you lead such a mundane and worldly life, and do not have any goal to pursue, isn’t this wasting your life? What can you gain from such a life? You should forsake all enjoyments of the flesh for the sake of one truth, and should not throw away all truths for the sake of a little enjoyment. People like this have no integrity or dignity; there is no meaning to their existence!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). After reading God’s words, my heart was suddenly filled with light, and I felt as if God were personally guiding me toward the direction my life should take. I understood that marriage is not my destination, and that within the framework of a marriage, a husband and a wife are just fulfilling their responsibilities to each other and providing companionship and care. In our married life, I had done the laundry, cooked, and borne a child; I had fulfilled my responsibilities and didn’t owe my husband anything. If he hadn’t interfered with my faith, we could have continued living together provided this did not hinder my duty. But if he obstructs my faith, then I should choose to fulfill my duty as a created being. I shouldn’t see marriage as my destination or pin a lifetime of happiness on it. That is a mistaken point of view. For years, I had treated my husband as my everything. When he opposed my faith, I blindly compromised and gave in, giving up gatherings and even my duty. I fell completely into darkness, feeling empty and in pain. I had spent all my time and energy on maintaining a happy marriage, so I hadn’t read many of God’s words and didn’t understand many truths. I had even committed transgressions when doing my duty and wasted several years of my life. Now, as I do my duty, attend gatherings, and fellowship on the word of God with my brothers and sisters, I feel peace and ease in my heart. I also understand that as a created being, I should pursue the truth and fulfill my duty. This is the life I should pursue. I thought of how Peter faced persecution from his parents for his faith, but he refused to be constrained by his family and resolutely chose to follow God. In the end, he completed God’s commission and gained God’s approval. There were also many Christians who forsook everything to follow the Lord, propagated His gospel, and expended their whole lives for Him. My heart was greatly inspired, and I prayed to God, “Oh God, I also want to leave my home to do my duty and expend my whole life for You. I ask You to prepare an opportunity for me.”

A year later, when my husband saw that I was still determined to believe in God and do my duty no matter how he tried to stop me, he asked for a divorce. I said calmly, “Then let’s go our separate ways and part amicably.” When my husband saw that I was serious, he backed down. He agreed to let me leave home to do my duty, but wouldn’t divorce me. When I left home, I felt like a bird freed from its cage, finally free to fly. I can sing hymns whenever I want, eat and drink the words of God whenever I want, and I don’t have to worry about anything even if I come back late after finishing my duty. Every day, I find great enjoyment in my heart attending gatherings and doing my duty with my brothers and sisters. This kind of life feels especially fulfilling and happy.

Now, I do my duty full-time every day, I train in various duties, and I have a greater and more practical understanding of the truth principles than before. I’ve also made some gains in my life entry. I have genuinely come to appreciate that true happiness doesn’t come from a happy marriage. Instead, knowing the Creator, fulfilling the duty of a created being to complete your mission and responsibilities, and understanding the truth to walk the path to salvation—that is true happiness. At the same time, I feel especially fortunate that in this vast sea of humanity, God has graced me by bringing me back to His house, guiding me to understand the truth, and saving me from the whirlpool of marriage. From the bottom of my heart, I thank God for His salvation, and I resolve to earnestly expend myself for God from now on and live out a meaningful life!