By Qiao Xin, China

In May 2024, I trained in writing sermons in the church. At first, I faced some difficulties, feeling that because my understanding of the truth was shallow, my writing was poor. The sister I was cooperating with fellowshipped with me and encouraged me, and she also shared some good ways with me. Later, when writing a sermon, I sought the relevant truths and wrote while pondering them, and I quickly finished it. I was very happy and grateful for God’s guidance. Two days later, the supervisor wrote to me, saying that my sermon had been selected, and that I had good caliber and some ideas. I was both surprised and happy when I read the letter. They’d noticed that I had ideas just after I started training in sermon writing. Some of the sisters around me had written several sermons, but I hadn’t heard of anyone’s sermon being selected, so I felt I must be really special, and that in everyone’s eyes, I was someone with caliber and ideas. A few days later, I accidentally read a letter the supervisor had written to the leaders. The letter said, “Qiao Xin is quite proactive in writing sermons and is someone with ideas and caliber, and we are currently focusing on her and cultivating her.” Although it wasn’t much, I felt like I had become the focus of everyone’s attention, and that I was different from ordinary people. I also thought about how last year, I had written several articles in the space of a week, and was soon noticed by the supervisor. The supervisor said I had a talent for writing and assigned me to do text-based duty. Now, after just starting to train in writing sermons, I’d been noticed again by another supervisor. I thought to myself, “I can get attention wherever I go, I really do have caliber and a talent for writing!” After this, I put the label of “having a special talent for writing” on myself, and I felt that I was different from others. I thought, “I have to train diligently, and make each sermon better than the last, so that I can write sermons that are up to standard in the shortest time, and so everyone will be sure to think more highly of me and approve of me even more.” Later, I was very proactive in writing sermons, and I wrote two sermons in succession, which I submitted to the supervisor. The supervisor often wrote letters to encourage me, and between the lines, I could tell the supervisor cared about and valued me. I felt very happy inside, and I lived with a sense of self-satisfaction.

Not long after, I received written feedback on the sermon I wrote. I opened it, and the first thing I saw was that a lot of issues had been marked—some areas of fellowship were unclear, and others strayed off-topic…. I was deeply discouraged and felt despondent. I thought, “Logically, since I have a talent for writing, my sermons should improve each time, and I should have obvious progress, so why have I regressed instead? Is this a mistake someone with a talent for writing should make? What will the leaders think of me? Will they think they misjudged me, and that I don’t have this kind of caliber after all?” The more I thought about it, the more negative I became, and I no longer had the heart to ponder the issues raised by the leaders. I realized my state was wrong, so I looked for God’s words to read, and I saw this passage: “Let no person think of themselves as perfect, distinguished, noble, or distinct from others; all this is brought about by man’s arrogant disposition and ignorance. Always thinking of oneself as set apart—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never being able to accept their shortcomings, and never being able to confront their mistakes and failures—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never permitting others to be higher than themselves, or to be better than themselves—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never allowing others’ strengths to surpass or exceed their own—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never permitting others to have better thoughts, suggestions, and views than themselves, and, when they discover that others are better than themselves, becoming negative, not wishing to speak, feeling distressed and dejected, and becoming upset—all of this is caused by an arrogant disposition. An arrogant disposition can make you protective of your reputation, unable to accept others’ corrections, unable to confront your shortcomings, and unable to accept your own failures and mistakes. More than that, when someone is better than you, it can cause hatred and jealousy to emerge in your heart, and you can feel constrained, such that you do not wish to do your duty and become perfunctory in performing it. An arrogant disposition can cause these behaviors and practices to emerge in you” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). After reading God’s words, I realized that I couldn’t accept the leaders’ guidance on my issues because I was being controlled by an arrogant disposition. I was pursuing perfection and trying to stand out from others. When I heard others say I had caliber and that my sermons had my own ideas, I became conceited, and I thought of myself as no ordinary person, but as a person with caliber and a special talent. I started demanding that my sermons be better than others, and I felt that they shouldn’t have so many problems, as only then would I be worthy of the title of having a talent for writing. So whenever I faced setbacks, I became negative and couldn’t view myself properly. In reality, having issues in one’s written sermons is very normal, and it’s impossible to know everything and be perfect when starting this duty, and not make any mistakes at all. Such demands on myself were unrealistic. Furthermore, the leaders pointed out my problems to help me discover my shortcomings, learn to make up for them, and grow, but when I faced setbacks, I became negative and couldn’t face my shortcomings. I regarded myself too highly and I was truly arrogant! After thinking about this, I became willing to accept the leaders’ guidance and help, and to focus on seeking and pondering relevant truths while writing my sermons to avoid these deviations and mistakes.

After that, I quieted my heart and studied relevant principles, and I was able to understand some things during my study. But when it came to actually writing, I was still having some difficulties, and I felt that writing a sermon that was up to standard wasn’t easy. As time ticked away, I found that I still had no ideas, and I started to feel discouraged, thinking to myself, “What if I can’t write a good sermon? How will the leaders view me? Will they say, ‘It turns out that Qiao Xin’s caliber is really poor, and that she can’t even grasp principles’?” Thinking of this, I became worried, and when I studied again, my mind wandered, and I kept feeling sleepy. At night, when I tried to sleep, I couldn’t help sighing, and I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. I really wanted to write a good sermon quickly so that I could show it to everyone, and thereby restore my image. But the more I thought about writing it well, the more pressure I felt. The next morning, I woke up feeling drained, and my head began to hurt. I pondered all day but I still couldn’t come up with any ideas, and it felt like a heavy stone was pressing down on me, making it hard to breathe. The sister I was cooperating with wanted to study with me about the principles, but I didn’t feel like it.

Later, I opened up to her about the state I’d had over the past couple of days, and she read me a passage of God’s words. Almighty God says: “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and, wearing these shackles, they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain. Looking now at Satan’s actions, are its sinister motives not utterly detestable? Maybe today you still cannot see through Satan’s sinister motives because you think one cannot live without fame and gain. You think that if people leave fame and gain behind, they will no longer be able to see the way ahead, no longer be able to see their goals, that their futures will become dark, dim and gloomy. But, slowly, you will all one day recognize that fame and gain are massive shackles that Satan uses to bind man. When that day comes, you will thoroughly resist Satan’s control and thoroughly resist the shackles Satan uses to bind you. When the time comes that you wish to throw off all the things Satan has instilled in you, you will then make a clean break with Satan and you will truly loathe all that Satan has brought to you. Only then will mankind have a real love and yearning for God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). After listening to God’s words, my heart suddenly felt brighter. I realized that the feeling of repression in my heart these past few days was due to my being constrained and bound by fame, gain, and status. At first, the supervisor said that my sermon had good ideas, and I became self-satisfied, feeling that I had good caliber and a special talent for writing, and so I put in more effort to write sermons, hoping to gain others’ approval and admiration. However, when lots of issues were pointed out in the two sermons I’d written, I started worrying that others would look down on me, and no longer think of me as someone with caliber and talent, so I couldn’t calm down to ponder the issues pointed out by the leaders, nor did I study the principles or seek the truth to make up for my shortcomings. I just wanted to quickly write a good sermon to restore my image, and not have others look down on me. However, the more anxious I became, the more clouded my thoughts became, and after a whole day of work, I still made no progress. I remembered that when I first started writing sermons, though there were many difficulties, I had a pure heart that relied on God, I genuinely studied and sought relevant words of God to ponder, and God enlightened and guided me, and so when I wrote, I had some ideas. But now, all I thought about was my pride and status, and my thoughts of trying to preserve a good image in others’ eyes caused me to be unable to eat or sleep, made me feel dizzy and lightheaded, and caused me to be unable to focus on writing the sermon. My heart was completely controlled by fame and gain. If I didn’t turn this state around, I’d just continue living in darkness and unbearable pain, and over time, I would lose this duty. I then prayed to God, “God, I don’t want to live in a state of pursuing reputation and status, but I don’t know how to resolve it. Please enlighten and guide me, so that I can step out of this wrong state and do my duty well.”

The next morning, my sister read me a few passages of God’s words, and one of the passages helped me a lot. Almighty God says: “Everyone knows it is not a good thing for a person to think highly of themselves simply because they were able to achieve certain results in their duty. So why do people still tend to think highly of themselves? One part of it is due to people’s arrogance and superficiality. Are there other reasons? (It is because people do not realize that it is God who leads them to achieve these results. They think they deserve all the credit, and possess the wherewithal, so they think highly of themselves. In fact, without God’s work, people are unable to do anything, but they cannot see it.) This statement is correct, and it’s also central to the issue. If people do not know God and do not have the Holy Spirit to enlighten them, they will always think themselves capable of anything. So if they possess the wherewithal, they can become arrogant and think highly of themselves. Are you able to sense the guidance of God and the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit in the course of performing your duty? (Yes.) If you are able to sense the work of the Holy Spirit, yet still think highly of yourselves, and think you are possessed of reality, then what is going on here? (When our performance of our duty has borne some fruit, we think that half the credit belongs to God, and half belongs to us. We magnify our cooperation to an unlimited extent, thinking that nothing was more important than our cooperation, and that God’s enlightenment would not have been possible without it.) So why did God enlighten you? Can God enlighten other people as well? (Yes.) When God enlightens someone, it is by the grace of God. And what is that little bit of cooperation on your part? Is it something you are due credit for, or is it your duty and responsibility? (It is our duty and responsibility.) When you recognize that it is your duty and responsibility, then you have the right mindset, and will not think of trying to take credit for it. If you always think, ‘This is my contribution. Would God’s enlightenment have been possible without my cooperation? This task requires man’s cooperation; our cooperation accounts for the bulk of the accomplishment,’ then you are wrong. How could you cooperate if the Holy Spirit had not enlightened you, and if no one had fellowshipped the truth principles to you? You would not know what God requires, nor would you know the path of practice. Even if you wanted to submit to God and cooperate, you wouldn’t know how. Is this ‘cooperation’ of yours not just empty words? Without true cooperation, you are only acting according to your own ideas—in which case, could the duty you perform be up to standard? Absolutely not, which indicates the issue at hand. What is the issue? No matter what duty a person performs, whether they achieve results, perform their duty up to standard, and gain God’s approval depends on God’s actions. Even if you fulfill your responsibilities and duty, if God does not work, if God does not enlighten and guide you, then you won’t know your path, your direction, or your goals. What ultimately comes of that? After toiling for all that time, you will not have performed your duty properly, nor will you have gained the truth and life—it will all have been in vain. Therefore, your duty being performed up to standard, edifying your brothers and sisters, and obtaining God’s approval all depends on God! People can only do those things that they are personally capable of, that they ought to do, and that are within their inherent capabilities—nothing more. Ultimately then, performing your duties in an effective manner depends on the guidance of God’s words and the enlightenment and leadership of the Holy Spirit; only then can you understand the truth, and complete God’s commission according to the path that God has given you and the principles He has set. This is God’s grace and blessing, and if people cannot see this, they are blind. Regardless of what manner of work the house of God does, what should be the result? One part of it should be to bear witness to God and spread God’s gospel, while another part of it should be to edify and bring benefit to brothers and sisters. The work of the house of God should achieve results in both areas. In the house of God, no matter what duty you perform, can you achieve results without God’s guidance? Absolutely not. It can be said that without God’s guidance, what you do is essentially useless” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). After reading God’s words, I realized that I couldn’t take off the label of “having a special talent for writing” because I attributed all the effectiveness of writing sermons to myself, and I thought it was only through my good caliber, special talent, and efforts in hardworking that these results had come about. In reality, I struggled a lot during the writing, and it was by praying to God and pondering relevant truths and receiving God’s enlightenment and guidance that I gained a bit of inspiration. However, afterward, when others said a few words of praise and encouragement, I became conceited, thinking that all this was my own achievement, and I even put the label of “having a special talent for writing” on myself, and I failed to see myself for what I really was. In reality, whether a duty can be done well or not depends on understanding the principles of the duty and the relevant truths in one respect, and the most important thing is to receive God’s enlightenment and guidance. There are times when we don’t have ideas, and by praying to God, seeking His guidance, and contemplating His words, we unknowingly come to understand some truths and gain some light and ideas, and only then can the sermons we write achieve good results. This is not because of our own abilities. I thought about how over the last few days, I’d been living in a state of pursuing fame, gain, and status, unable to receive God’s enlightenment and guidance. Even though I’d put effort into writing, my mind was like mush, without any ideas, and I was being an utter fool. I truly realized that the good results in my duties came from God’s enlightenment and guidance, and that I had nothing to boast about. Yet I’d shamelessly viewed myself with high regard, attributing all the credit to myself. This was truly shameful! I just started to train in writing sermons, so by saying that my sermons had ideas, the supervisor intended to encourage me and get me to write with diligence. The supervisor told the leaders that they were focusing on me simply because they wanted to cultivate me, and there was no other meaning to it. The last few times I’d been writing sermons, I could clearly feel that my fellowship of the truth wasn’t clear, and sometimes I’d struggle to grasp key points. Although I had studied the relevant principles, when applying them practically, I was still lacking, and I still needed corrections and help from others. But I thought of myself as exceptional, as if I were floating on air, and I was truly ignorant of my own limitations. The more I thought about it, the more ashamed I felt, wanting to hide my face, and I just wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground. At that moment, I cast the label of high regard I’d placed on myself out of my heart.

Afterward, I thought about how I had just started training in writing sermons and still didn’t understand some principles, so I studied with my sisters, and I used the two problematic sermons I wrote as examples for everyone to analyze and discuss. Everyone offered suggestions, and after that, when I revised the sermons again, whenever I didn’t understand something, I prayed to God in my heart, and I sought and pondered, and after revising one piece, I passed it along. However, when revising the other one, I had some difficulty. I wasn’t clear on the truth and felt a bit troubled. I was also afraid that the truth would not be fellowshipped clearly, and I wondered what the leaders would think of me after I submitted it. Would they say that my caliber is inadequate? I didn’t dare to seek help from the brothers and sisters, but I had no way forward, and I felt a lot of pressure in my heart. At that moment, I thought of a passage of God’s words. “When God requires that people fulfill their duty well, He is not asking them to complete a certain number of tasks or accomplish any great endeavors, nor to perform any great undertakings. What God wants is for people to be able to do all they can in a down-to-earth way, and live in accordance with His words. God does not need you to be great or noble, or bring about any miracles, nor does He want to see any pleasant surprises in you. He does not need such things. All God needs is for you to steadfastly practice according to His words. When you listen to God’s words, do what you have understood, carry out what you have comprehended, remember well what you have heard, and then, when the time comes to practice, do so according to God’s words. Let them become your life, your realities, and what you live out. Thus, God will be satisfied. You always pursue greatness, nobility, and status; you always pursue being superior to others. How does God feel when He sees this? He loathes it, and He will distance Himself from you. The more you pursue things like greatness, nobility, and being superior to others, distinguished, outstanding, and noteworthy, the more disgusting God finds you. If you do not reflect upon yourself and repent, then God will loathe you and forsake you. Avoid becoming someone whom God finds disgusting; be a person that God loves. So, how can one attain God’s love? By accepting the truth obediently, standing in the position of a created being, acting by God’s words with one’s feet on the ground, properly performing one’s duties, being an honest person, and living out a human likeness. This is enough, God will be satisfied” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). After reading God’s words, I understood that God’s requirements for people are not high, and that He doesn’t ask people to achieve great results. Instead, He wants people to be obedient and submit, and so long as people do their duty properly with their feet on the ground according to God’s requirements, God will be satisfied. But I always wanted to stand out and to write good sermons to gain the praise and approval of others, and this was controlled by ambition and desire. This was a corrupt disposition. I thought of the first administrative decree that God’s chosen people must obey, which says: “Man should not magnify himself, nor exalt himself. He should worship and exalt God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Ten Administrative Decrees That Must Be Obeyed by God’s Chosen People in the Age of Kingdom). But I always pursued fame, gain, and status, wanting to be praised and esteemed by others and to have a place in their hearts. This is something God despises. Living in this state makes it impossible for me to do my duty well, and it may even hinder the work. I had to quickly turn around my wrong pursuit, and fulfill my duty in a steadfast way. Although I still lacked many things in writing sermons, I was willing to quiet my heart before God to seek the truth and do my best to cooperate. I would write as much as I understood, and I’d regard each issue that arose in the writing of sermons as an opportunity to make up for my shortcomings. I believed that through gradually training this way, I would surely make progress. When I thought of this, I felt my state was much better.

The next time I wrote sermons, I’d first write what I understood, and for things I didn’t understand, I would seek and ponder, or communicate with my brothers and sisters, and once my heart was brightened, I would write. This way, the effectiveness of the sermons I wrote was much better. Not long after, the leaders sent over some good sermons for us to study and draw from. Those sermons were not only fresh and bright, but also deeply moving, and the fellowship of the truths was really practical and clear. In comparison, I realized that my sermons were just full of words and doctrines, and that the truth wasn’t fellowshipped clearly. At that moment, I realized how much I lacked. Compared to my brothers and sisters, I was so far behind! But when they wrote about their thoughts and gains, they not only didn’t boast, but instead said they lacked many things, and that being able to write a sermon that was up to standard wasn’t due to their own caliber, nor because their understanding of the truth was clear, but rather through receiving the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment by prayer, seeking, and the pondering of relevant truths. Seeing this, I felt deeply ashamed. I thought about how I had just started writing sermons, and with just a superficial understanding, I thought I was doing well, and that I was above average. I even put upon myself the label of having a special talent for writing that I couldn’t take off. I was really overestimating myself and lacked any self-awareness!

Now, when writing sermons, I am able to treat the suggestions from leaders correctly, and if there is something I don’t understand or can’t do, I can take the initiative to seek, and the quality of my sermons has improved compared to before. I know in my heart that the progress I’ve made is thanks to God’s enlightenment and guidance. Through this experience, I have gained some understanding of my corrupt disposition, and I’ve made some gains in my life entry. I’ve also seen that my understanding of the truth is truly shallow, and that I should focus on the truth principles and do my duty in a steadfast way. If it weren’t for this revelation, I would have continued living in a state of self-satisfaction, and I wouldn’t have made any progress in my duty. This failure and setback have brought me great gains, and I thank God from the bottom of my heart!