By Lorraine, South Korea

A few years ago, I made videos in the church. There was a time when I didn’t do my duty well, and two videos I produced were temporarily shelved due to problems with their ideas. At the time, I was very sad, because I feared my brothers and sisters would look down on me. To prove my competence, I worked very hard and spent a few days planning another video, but after reading the plan, the leader pointed out that the concept was outdated and unclear. After discussion, everyone felt the plan wasn’t worth proceeding, so it was thrown out. I felt like a failure, I was in a negative state, and I had no energy to do my duty. One day, I accidentally found out some brothers and sisters said my mind was muddled. Hearing that, my heart immediately sank, and my mind was churning, “The leader said my thinking was unclear, and the brothers and sisters said that my mind is muddled. Doesn’t that mean I’m a muddled person? Can muddled people understand the truth and be saved by God? Am I going to be cast out?” The thought made me feel very negative and tormented, and I wanted to escape the situation.

The next day, I cried and said to the leader and group leader, “My caliber is too low, and this duty is so hard. Please let me do another duty.” My leader fellowshiped with me, saying, “We all have shortcomings, and there will inevitably be some setbacks and failures in our duties. If there are any problems or deviations, we have to go over them, seek the truth to resolve the problems, and then keep making an effort. This duty isn’t necessarily impossible for you.” But at the time, it didn’t register with me, and I just wanted to leave. And so, I left with a misunderstanding of God and estrangement from my brothers and sisters. Later, I began to practice preaching the gospel. After a period of hard work, I became more and more effective in my duty, and the brothers and sisters in the group often asked me when they had any questions. I felt like I had regained some confidence, I was in a good mood every day, and I had energy to do my duty.

But unexpectedly, a year later, due to work needs, the leader arranged for me to make videos again. At the beginning, I was effective in my duty and wasn’t constrained by anything. But later, when the video production needed innovation, my thinking was behind the times and my plans were always denied, and I found myself in a negative state again. I pegged myself as having low caliber, being muddled, and incapable of the duty. The group leader saw that I was relatively passive in my duty and bore no burden, so he patiently fellowshiped on the truth to me, supported and helped me, and said to me, “You and Brother Francis have been making videos for about the same amount of time. He is very earnest, good at studying and summarizing, and has made progress in his duty. You aren’t doing as well, so you need to work hard.” When I heard it, I was really uncomfortable. I thought, “You pointed out the problem in my duty, so I’ll change it. But why are you comparing me to Francis? He has good caliber and clear thinking, and has always been a subject for cultivation. I’m all over the place. I’m not on the same level as him. There’s no comparison.” At the time, I was very resistant to the group leader’s suggestions and help, and didn’t reflect on myself. After about a week, the group leader found Sister Julie and I didn’t work well together, so he fellowshiped with me, “You’re partnered with Julie. She has a more flexible mind, and your technical skills are better, so you complement each other. You should discuss things more with her, listen to her opinions more, and learn from her strengths. That’s how you make progress. Recently, the results of your duties haven’t been good, and your ideas for videos are still outdated. Don’t you think you need to reflect on this?” I was very sad to hear my group leader expose my problems like this. I felt that he looked down on me and despised me. He pointed out my problems just a few days ago, and now, before I could recover, he was exposing me. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt, and I cried in frustration. I couldn’t help but say something that I still regret to this day. I said, “In the group, I feel superfluous. I’m not helping, but you still keep me around.” The group leader was very taken aback. He said, “How can you say such a thing? That’s not how anyone sees you! We have to seek the truth to solve problems in our duty. We can’t be negative and resist it.” But no matter how the group leader fellowshiped, it fell on deaf ears. I felt I was muddled, that God was displeased with me, that my brothers and sisters didn’t welcome me, and that I was a marginal and disposable figure in the group. The more I thought, the more wronged I felt, and I lived in a state of negativity and misunderstanding, my relationship with God was more estranged, and my confidence was increasingly lower. “My caliber is poor” became my mantra.

Later, while making a video with my partner, whenever she had a different viewpoint in the discussion, I compromised and said, “My caliber is poor and my ideas aren’t good. You see the problem accurately, so just follow your ideas.” Then, I deleted my own proposal. My partner became anxious when she saw this, “Why did you delete it? I have a lot of shortcomings, and I don’t necessarily see problems accurately either.” Later, she came to talk to me about her state. She said she had an arrogant disposition in her work with me, and she looked down on me a little, and had to reflect on herself. After hearing her say that, outwardly I was calm, but I felt very tormented, and didn’t want to talk in-depth with her, so I forced myself to say, “You can be forgiven for showing arrogance. Who wouldn’t, when doing their duty with someone of poor caliber like me? If I were you, I’d do the same.” At the time, she felt at a loss and didn’t know what to say to me. And so, I lived in a state of negativity and misunderstanding. My heart was tormented and suffering, and it was very difficult to do my duty. Especially after finishing a video, when we needed to explain the idea behind the video and ask everyone to make comments, I rarely spoke, and didn’t dare participate in discussions, so I looked to my partner on such occasions. When I couldn’t sleep at night, I thought, “Why do I always hold myself back during my duty and have no confidence? Why am I always afraid of being looked down on? Why is life such a torment for me?” I didn’t want to be depressed like this anymore. I wanted to live in a positive state like others, and be able to perform my duties normally, but I just couldn’t get rid of this negative state. All I could do was cry out to God to save me and help me escape this predicament.

Not long after, at a gathering, I heard the leader read a passage of God’s words that made me realize my problem and turn my state around. God says: “When people stray far from God, when they live in a state in which they misinterpret God, or resist, oppose God, and argue back with God, then they have totally left the care and protection of God, they have completely departed from the light of God’s presence. When people live in a state such as this, they can’t help but live by their own feelings. Some small thought can so perturb you that you can’t eat or sleep, a careless comment from someone can plunge you into doubt and bewilderment, even a single nightmare can make you negative and cause you to misinterpret God. Once this kind of vicious circle has taken shape, people determine that it’s over for them, that they have lost all hope of being saved, that they have been forsaken by God, that God will not save them. The more they think in this way, and the more they have such feelings, the more they are plunged into negativity. The actual reason why people have these feelings is because they do not seek the truth or practice according to the truth principles. And because, when something happens to them, people do not seek the truth, and do not practice the truth, because they always go their own way, and live amid their own petty schemes, spending each day comparing themselves to others and competing with them, envying and hating anyone who is better than them, and jeering and mocking anyone who they think is below them, living in the disposition of Satan, not doing things according to the truth principles, and refusing to accept anybody’s exhortations, this ends up leading to all kinds of delusion, speculation, and judgment, and they make themselves perpetually anxious. And is this not their own fault? Only people could laden themselves with such bitter fruit—and they truly deserve it. What causes all this? It is because people do not seek the truth, are too arrogant and self-righteous, they act according to their own inclinations, they are always showing off and comparing themselves to others, they are always trying to distinguish themselves, they always make unreasonable demands of God, and so on—all of these things cause people to gradually stray from God, to oppose God and defy the truth over and over again. Ultimately, they plunge themselves into darkness and negativity. And at such times, it is impossible for people to have a pure understanding of their own rebellion and resistance, much less is it possible for them to have the right attitude; instead, they complain about God, misunderstand God, try to second-guess God. When this happens, people finally realize their corruption is very deep and that they are too troublesome, so they determine that they are opposing God, and they can’t help but be plunged into negativity, unable to pull themselves out. What they believe is, ‘God detests and rejects me, God doesn’t want me. I’m too rebellious, I deserve it, God definitely will not save me anymore.’ They believe that these are all facts, that these things are all true. They determine the things they have speculated upon in their hearts to be facts. No matter who fellowships the truth with them, it is of no use, they can’t accept it. They think, ‘God will not bless me, He will not save me, so what’s the point in believing in God?’ When the path of their belief in God has gotten to this point, are people still capable of believing? No. Why can they no longer go on? There is a fact here. When people’s negativity reaches a certain point, when their hearts are filled with opposition and complaints, and they wish to sever all contact with God, then this is no longer as simple as them not fearing God, not obeying God, not loving the truth, and not accepting the truth. What is going on instead? In their hearts, they have made their own decision to give up their faith in God. They think it shameful to passively await being cast out, that there is more dignity in choosing to give up, and so they take the initiative and break things off by themselves. They condemn faith in God as being bad, they condemn the truth as being unable to change people, and they condemn God as unrighteous, asking—aggrieved—why God didn’t save them: ‘I made so many sacrifices, I was so earnest, I worked so hard, I suffered so much more than others, and tried so much harder than everyone else, and still God did not bless me. Now I see that God does not like me, that God is not impartial.’ They have the gall to make their doubts about God into the condemnation and blasphemy of God. When such things take form, can they continue on the path of faith in God? Because they rebel against God and oppose God, and do not accept the truth or reflect on themselves at all, they have been forfeited” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (17)). It felt like every word God spoke was a reminder, an analysis, or even a warning to me, especially when God said: “The actual reason why people have these feelings is because they do not seek the truth or practice according to the truth principles.” Thinking about these words, I began to reflect on myself, and I finally discovered that after all this time, I never sought truth when encountering these situations, to say nothing of practicing according to the truth principles. I was living entirely within my own imagination and speculation. I recalled how when I repeatedly failed to make videos, and heard brothers and sisters comment that my mind was muddled, I didn’t reflect on my own problems; instead, I chose to escape and live in negativity and misunderstanding. When I started making videos again, I didn’t learn from past failures. Instead, I did my duty with a passive and defensive mentality. When I heard the group leader compliment others, then point out problems in my duty, I was even more negative. I felt I had poor caliber and was muddled. I suspected my brothers and sisters of looking down on me, and I misunderstood God even more, which led to more pain and darkness in my heart, and made me ineffective in my duty. I held myself back in everything and felt really constrained. Only then did I see clearly that there wasn’t a problem with the people and things around me, and God wasn’t not treating me favorably. I wasn’t seeking the truth, and always resisted, distanced myself from, and resented being chastened and disciplined, dealt with and pruned by God. My disobedience and resistance to God was too great, causing me to fall into darkness and pain, and making my relationship with God more estranged. Who but me was to blame when I didn’t do my duty well? I finally understood what it meant to “hold yourself back.” I saw something else clearly, which is that although I believed in God, and I forsook and expended, I didn’t truly accept the truth, or acknowledge that the truth God expresses can save people. When I had failures and setbacks in my duty, I resisted, acted unreasonably, and pegged myself as having poor caliber. I even felt that God doesn’t save people like me. I was often dissatisfied, and felt I could put up with hardship and make sacrifices in my duty; I suffered no less than others. So why was I always revealed to be so bad at it? Why wasn’t God gracious to me? Wasn’t I denying God’s righteousness? This was blasphemy! The more I reflected, the more afraid I became. I felt that my state was far too dangerous. If I didn’t turn things around and genuinely repent, I would definitely be cast out by God. Every state in God’s analysis touched my heart. Seeing how serious my problem was, I cried very hard. I hated myself for not pursuing the truth, not accepting God’s words, and harming myself. I felt deep remorse, so I prayed to God, “God, I don’t want to be so rebellious and stubborn anymore, and I don’t want to live in misunderstanding or hurt Your heart again. I want to repent!”

After that, the leader and group leader came to fellowship with me. They exposed and pointed out my tendency for negativity, and read God’s word to me. I was very touched. Almighty God says: “At every stage—whether when God is disciplining or correcting you, or when He is reminding and exhorting you—as long as a conflict has occurred between you and God, yet you do not make a turnaround, and continue to cling to your own ideas, viewpoints, and attitudes, then even though your steps are headed forward, the conflict between you and God, your misunderstandings of Him, your complaints and rebelliousness against Him are not rectified, and your heart does not turn around. Then God, for His part, will cast you out. Although you have not let go of the duty at hand, and you still keep to your duty and have a bit of loyalty for what God has commissioned, and people see this as acceptable, the dispute between you and God has formed a permanent knot. You have not used the truth to resolve it and gain a true understanding of God’s will. As a result, your misunderstanding of God deepens, and you always think that God is in the wrong and you are being treated unjustly. This means you have not made a turnaround. Your rebellion, your notions, and your misunderstanding of God still persist, which leads you to have a disobedient mentality, to be always rebellious and oppose God. Is this kind of person not someone who rebels against God, resists God, and stubbornly refuses to repent? Why does God place such importance on people making a turnaround? With what attitude should a created being regard the Creator? An attitude that acknowledges that the Creator is right, no matter what He does. If you do not acknowledge this, that the Creator is the truth, the way, and the life will be but hollow words to you. If that is the case, can you still attain salvation? You cannot. You would be unqualified; God does not save people like you. … You must make a turnaround and put aside your ideas and intentions. Once you have this intent, yours will naturally also be an attitude of submission. However, to speak a bit more precisely, this refers to people making a turnaround in their attitude toward God, the Creator; it is a recognition and affirmation of the fact that the Creator is the truth, the way, and the life. If you can turn yourself around, this demonstrates that you can put aside those things you think are right, or those things that mankind—which is corrupt—thinks collectively to be right; and, instead, you are acknowledging that God’s words are the truth and positive things. If you can have this attitude, it proves your recognition of the identity of the Creator and of His essence. This is how God views the issue, and He therefore considers man’s turnaround especially important” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Resolving One’s Notions Can One Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God (3)). As I contemplated God’s word, I understood why God considers it so important for people to turn around. In God’s work to save people, it doesn’t matter how much work a person can do or how much suffering they withstand. What God looks at is people’s hearts. He looks at whether they admit God is the truth, the way, and the life, and whether they obey God. If a person reveals much corruption and does things that go against the truth, but never reflects on their problems or accepts the truth, and always harbors misunderstandings of God, even if on the outside such a person can withstand suffering and make sacrifices, to God, they are still resisting and betraying God. In the end, such people will all be cast out, and cannot be saved. I considered how, over the years, I had always misunderstood God, and had reservations about Him, but I never resolved these issues. I merely numbed myself by busying myself with my duty. Once problems were exposed in my duty and it was revealed that I had many deficiencies and it hurt my ego, I labeled myself with negative words, and even said words of complaint or misunderstanding against God. As time went on, the resentment in my heart built up, my estrangement with God deepened, and my state became worse and worse. I couldn’t help but ask myself, “Even though I busy myself with my duty every day, and have never done anything truly wicked, my heart is far away from God, and I am always holding Him off and misunderstanding Him. How could I be called a believer in God? Would God approve of belief like this? I often live in misunderstanding and negativity, and never feel release. Even while I do my duty, it is hard to receive the work of the Holy Spirit. I can only plod along by relying on my previous experience. How could I grow like that? What could I gain by believing in this way?” It was then that I clearly realized how important it is to get rid of misunderstandings about God and have a genuinely repentant heart. These three years, I could never let go of how my brothers and sisters commented that my mind wasn’t clear. I’d never sought the truth in this matter or reflected on myself in light of God’s word. Now, I knew I had to seek the truth to resolve this problem.

So, I looked up relevant portions of God’s word. God’s words say: “When God calls you a fool, He is not asking that you accept some statement, or word, or definition—He is asking that you understand the truth within this. So when God does call someone a fool, what truth is contained inside? Everyone understands the superficial meaning of the word ‘fool.’ But as for what the manifestations and dispositions of a fool are, which of the things that people do are foolish and which aren’t, why God exposes people in this way, whether or not fools can come before God, whether or not fools are able to act according to principle, whether or not they are able to understand what is right and what is wrong, whether or not they are able to discern what is beloved by God and what is despised by God—most of the time, people are unclear about these things; to them they are ambiguous and ill-defined, utterly unapparent. For example: Most of the time people don’t know—it is not clear to them—whether doing something in a certain way is simply following rules, or practicing the truth. Neither do they know—neither is it clear to them—whether something is beloved of God or despised by God. They do not know whether practicing a certain way is placing people in strictures, or fellowshiping the truth and helping people as normal. They don’t know whether the principles behind the way they act toward people are correct, and whether they are trying to create allies, or to help people. They don’t know whether acting in a certain way is abiding by principle and standing firm in their position, or being arrogant and self-righteous, and showing off. When they have nothing else to do, some people like staring at a mirror; they don’t know whether this is narcissism and vanity, or if it is normal. Some people have a temper and are a little odd; can they tell whether this is related to them having a bad disposition? People can’t even differentiate between these commonly seen, commonly encountered things—and yet they still say they have gained so much from believing in God. Is this not foolish? So can you accept being called a fool? (Yes.) … And do you want to be fools your whole lives? (No.) No one wants to be a fool. In fact, fellowshiping and dissecting in this way is not to make you try to class yourself as a fool; no matter how God defines you, no matter what He reveals about you, how He judges and chastises you, or deals with and prunes you, the ultimate aim is to allow you to escape those states, understand the truth, gain the truth, and try not to be a fool. So what should you do if you wish not to be a fool? You must pursue the truth. First of all, you must know in what matters you are a fool, in what matters you are always preaching doctrine, always meandering about in theory and words and doctrines, and staring blankly when you are faced with the facts. When you solve these problems and are clear about each aspect of the truth, there will be fewer times when you are foolish. When you have a clear understanding of each truth, when you are not bound by hand and foot in all you do, when you are not bridled or constrained—when, once something happens to you, you are able to find the correct principles to practice and are truly able to act according to principle after praying to God, seeking the truth, or finding someone to fellowship with, then you will no longer be foolish. If something is clear to you, and you are able to correctly practice the truth, then you will not be foolish when it comes to that thing. People have but to understand the truth for their hearts to naturally be enlightened” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). God explains the behavior of muddled people very clearly. Muddled people are confused and unclear in everything they do. They have no stance or principles, they don’t know what God likes or hates, and lack discernment about people and circumstances. They can’t clearly see their own deficiencies or the corruption they reveal. When things happen, they can’t tell right from wrong, and they have no principle or path of practice. As I applied God’s words, past scenes from my duty surfaced in my mind. I only focused on working hard, but never on reading God’s words, nor did I seek the truth principles. When my brothers and sisters gave me suggestions about editing videos, I didn’t give it much thought. Sometimes I didn’t even understand what they meant, and just did things blindly, thinking that suffering was loyalty to God. I revealed so much corruption and deficiency in my duty, but I didn’t come before God to seek the truth and solve the problem. Instead, I lived in a negative state for years, and was especially numb. I couldn’t see how serious my problem was or how dangerous it was to continue like this. I was always confused and muddled through each day. Aren’t these all behaviors of someone who’s muddled? Only then did I realize that what my brothers and sisters said about me was true. But I refused to admit it. I suspected that everyone looked down on me, and I felt prejudice and estrangement toward them. I really shouldn’t have done that! All these years, my brothers and sisters often supported and helped me, and they never looked down on me. I was the one who was outrageous, unreasonable, and unaccepting of the truth. Thinking of this, I could finally let go of the past. I hated myself deeply for being so confused and not seeking the truth. I despised myself for being so unreasonable.

Once I realized I was muddled, I thought of how I often defined myself as having poor caliber, too. This was another problem I should seek the truth to resolve. Later, I read a passage of God’s words: “If God made you foolish, then there is meaning in your foolishness; if He made you bright, then there is meaning in your brightness. Whatever talents God gives you, whatever your strengths, however high your IQ, they all have a purpose for God. All these things were preordained by God. The role you play in your life and the duty you fulfill were ordained by God long ago. Some people see that others possess strengths they do not and are discontent. They want to change things by learning more, seeing more, and being more diligent. But there is a limit to what their diligence can achieve, and they cannot surpass those with gifts and expertise. No matter how much you fight, it is useless. God has ordained what you will be, and there is nothing anyone can do to change it. Whatever you are good at, that is where you should make an effort. Whatever duty you are suited to is the duty you should perform. Do not try to force yourself into areas outside your skillset and do not envy others. Everyone has their function. Do not think that you can do everything well, or that you are more perfect or better than others, always desiring to replace others and put yourself on display. This is a corrupt disposition. There are those who think that they cannot do anything well, and that they have no skills at all. If that is the case, you should just be a person who listens and obeys in a down-to-earth manner. Do what you can and do it well, with all your strength. That is enough. God will be satisfied. Do not always think about surpassing everyone, doing everything better than others, and standing out from the crowd in every way. What kind of disposition is that? (An arrogant disposition.) People always possess an arrogant disposition, and even if they want to strive for the truth and satisfy God, they fall short. Being controlled by an arrogant disposition makes people the most liable to go astray. For example, there are some people who always want to show off by expressing their good intentions in place of God’s requirements. Would God praise that kind of expression of good intentions? To be mindful of God’s will, you must follow God’s requirements, and to perform your duty, you must submit to God’s arrangements. People who express good intentions are not mindful of God’s will, but are instead always trying to play out new tricks and speaking lofty-sounding words. God does not ask that you be mindful in this way. Some people say that this is them being competitive. In and of itself, being competitive is something negative. It is a revelation—a manifestation—of the arrogant disposition of Satan. When you have a disposition like that, you are always trying to keep others down, always trying to get ahead of them, always jockeying, always trying to take from people. You are highly envious, you don’t yield to anyone, and you are always trying to distinguish yourself from the crowd. This spells trouble; this is how Satan acts. If you truly wish to be an acceptable creature of God, then do not pursue your own dreams. Trying to be superior and more capable than you are in order to achieve your aims is bad. You should learn to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and not get above your station; only this demonstrates sense” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). God’s words are so clear! Why did I keep saying my caliber was poor? Because actually, my nature was too arrogant. I always had ambitions and desires, wanting to be above others, and when I couldn’t, I became negative, outrageous, and labeled myself. My desire for reputation and status was too strong. In any group, I feared being looked down on, and always wanted to be looked up to. But actually, many of my own problems and deficiencies were showing. And when I experienced dealing, pruning, setbacks, and failures, I felt my image was damaged and my reputation discredited. I couldn’t face it correctly, and thought my caliber was too low and that I was too confused. I also often compared myself to others. When I saw that others in the group had strengths and were of a better caliber than me, I felt untalented and unremarkable. I couldn’t accept this reality, so I always felt depressed and inferior. Only then did I realize that what I wanted was prestige and status, so I compared my caliber and gifts to others’ and always sought to be admired by others. My satanic disposition was very serious. Gifts and caliber are not the key to determining whether a person can perform their duty well. Being held in high esteem and worshiped by others is not a guarantee of salvation. God never said such a thing. God wants us to have humanity and be reasonable, pursue the truth in a down-to-earth manner, resolve our corrupt dispositions, and live out a human likeness. This is what God requires of people. I thought of what God says: “It matters not whether I say you are backward or of poor caliber—this is all fact. My saying this does not prove that I intend to forsake you, that I have lost hope in you, much less that I am unwilling to save you. Today I have come to do the work of your salvation, which is to say that the work I do is a continuation of the work of salvation. Every person has the chance to be made perfect: Provided that you are willing, provided that you pursue, in the end you will be able to achieve this result, and not one of you will be forsaken” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). God’s words are very clear. Although God says people have poor caliber, and reveals that they are muddled, it is just to make them see their own problems and know their own shortcomings, so they can pursue the truth well and have a change in their life disposition. We may have a low caliber, but as long as we love and pursue the truth, and strive to meet God’s requirements, God will enlighten and guide us. But if our caliber is good, yet we don’t pursue the truth, we will be revealed and cast out. It was a fact that my caliber was low, but God never said He wouldn’t save me or would cast me out for it. He still gave me chances to do my duty. I should treasure them, pursue the truth, be active in progressing, make up for my shortcomings, and improve my caliber.

After that, when something happened, I focused on seeking the truth, and no matter the circumstances, no matter if it was dealing and pruning or setbacks and failures, I would focus on reflecting on myself, and seek the truth principles. When I experienced this way, I felt the presence of God before I knew it, and felt that my mind was clearer. When my brothers and sisters discussed ideas for videos, I didn’t hold back anymore. Sometimes the views I expressed were wrong, or my brothers and sisters gave me suggestions, but I could face it correctly, and was calmer about it. During that time, I felt very close to God. I felt that God was by my side, giving me confidence and strength. Although there were many difficulties in my duty, by seeking God’s will through prayer, relying on God, and cooperating with my brothers and sisters, finally, some problems were resolved, and the effectiveness of my duty also improved. I thank God from the bottom of my heart for saving me.

Thinking back now on when I misunderstood and was estranged from God, I felt a deep regret. Later, I read another passage of God’s words, and was very moved. God’s words say: “I do not want to see anyone feeling as though God has left them out in the cold, that God has abandoned them or turned His back on them. All I want to see is everyone on the road to pursuing the truth and seeking to understand God, boldly marching onward with unfaltering determination, without any misgivings or burdens. No matter what wrongs you have committed, no matter how far you have strayed or how seriously you have transgressed, do not let these become burdens or excess baggage that you have to carry with you in your pursuit of understanding God. Continue marching onward. At all times, God holds man’s salvation in His heart; this never changes. This is the most precious part of the essence of God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). In my years of believing in God, I said God loves people, but I had no real knowledge of God’s love. This experience gave me some real understanding and feeling of God’s love. Although my heart was hard and rebellious, God arranged environments for me to experience. He waited for me to change, He awakened me with His words, and guided me out of my state of negativity and misunderstanding. God’s desire to save people is so sincere and so beautiful! I am very grateful to God, and want nothing more than to pursue the truth well, do my duty well, and repay God’s love.