25. After I Was Reported
By Judy, South Korea
One day in 2016, I suddenly received a letter reporting me. It was written by two sisters I had previously dismissed. They reported that I had acted autocratically and arbitrarily in my duties at their church, promoted two people who ended up being false leaders, and that one of them surnamed Zhang was an evildoer, who disrupted and disturbed the church’s work after becoming leader and nearly paralyzed the work of the entire church. The letter also said that if I had listened to their advice at the time, or taken more time to ask around among the brothers and sisters, I wouldn’t have chosen those two false leaders or caused such great harm to the church’s work. Reading this letter, I was stunned, and a little afraid. I thought, “How could this be? This must be a mistake.” I couldn’t really accept this fact. I had bad opinions of the two sisters who wrote the letter, and thought they were trying to get revenge on me. They had originally been leaders of that church, but they had poor caliber and didn’t do real work. They had shielded and protected false leaders, and they condemned and attacked those who reported them, so eventually they were replaced. I recalled how I had sought their opinions when I had promoted Zhang—all they had said was that she had poor humanity and couldn’t cooperate with others. They never specifically said she was an evildoer. But now that Zhang had been revealed, they were reporting me. Weren’t they just bitter that I had removed them? Besides, at that time, the CCP’s arrests were so severe and the situation was so tough that we couldn’t hold proper elections, and for a time no suitable candidate could be found. Zhang had possessed somewhat better caliber and more discernment than the others, so in that situation, who else could I choose? Someone had to be chosen as a leader. I had also inquired with several brothers and sisters when promoting her, and no one had told me she was an evildoer. Everyone makes mistakes in their duties. Who can grasp someone’s essence at first glance? It’s normal for unsuitable leaders to be selected. Who can guarantee the right person is always chosen? Weren’t they just nitpicking? I kept trying to justify myself in my head. I was very resistant to the report letter. But the two people mentioned in the report had indeed been revealed as false leaders, and Zhang as an evildoer. As leaders, they did serious damage to church work and the life entry of God’s chosen people. There was no way to evade the facts when I was faced with them. I reluctantly admitted that I had been unable to see through people, that I was arrogant, self-righteous, and used people blindly. But I didn’t truly understand or reflect on my own problems, and eventually the matter passed.
To my surprise, when my leader learned about this, he also exposed me for using an evildoer as a leader, not listening to reminders, and being arrogant and self-righteous. Only then did I have some realization. Had I really made a mistake? Was I really too arrogant and self-righteous? But in that situation, how could I have done otherwise? I didn’t understand where I had gone wrong. In seeking, I recalled God’s word: “The more you feel that in certain areas you have done well or have done the right thing, and the more you think you can satisfy God’s will or are able to boast in certain areas, then the more it is worth it for you to know yourself in those areas and the more it is worth it for you to dig deep into them to see what impurities exist in you, as well as what things in you cannot satisfy God’s will. … This is because what you think is good is what you will determine to be correct, and you will not doubt it, reflect on it, or analyze whether there is anything in it that resists God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). God’s word awakened me, and gave me a path of practice. I contemplated the matter whenever I had the time, and by seeking, I realized I was indeed too arrogant and self-righteous. Ever since I received the letter, I had been offering my reasoning—the situation back then had been so tough, we couldn’t hold normal elections, there were no suitable candidates. Zhang was the best candidate available, and, in that context, it had not been a mistake to select her. No one could have predicted she would later be revealed as an evildoer. I certainly didn’t intentionally appoint an evildoer to disrupt the church’s work. So I felt I had done no wrong and didn’t reflect or try to know myself, and I greatly resisted and disliked the sisters who wrote the letter of report, and even judged in my heart that they were deliberately trying to find fault in me. Thinking about it now, when I had chosen Zhang, these two sisters had indeed pointed out that she had poor humanity. I also knew they worried that choosing an evildoer as leader would damage the church’s work, but at that time they couldn’t clearly see Zhang’s essence, so they didn’t dare directly condemn her as an evildoer. But I was too arrogant and self-righteous, and looked down on them. I felt most of the people that they had chosen during their time as leaders were poor—if they couldn’t judge people, what use was their advice? When, after so much effort, I finally found someone to take over their work, they wouldn’t agree to it. I had thought that they were deliberately nitpicking, so I hadn’t listened to them at all. Now, having put myself aside, reflected, and sought the truth, I realized that there were indeed problems in how I chose leaders. Even though a regular election had been out of the question, I should have sought consent from those who understood the truth before selecting a leader. I had merely discussed it with my partnered sister, and asked a few other people how they felt about Zhang. Of these, the two sisters who wrote the letter to report me disagreed with my choice, yet due to my prejudice against them, I sought no further. I simply relied on my subjective assumptions in thinking that Zhang was a suitable leader. In this matter, I had clearly violated the principles of promoting people to leadership positions in God’s house. I hadn’t looked further for those in the know so as to gain understanding and clarify Zhang’s usual performance, nor did I seek from those who understood the truth. More importantly, when presented with differing opinions, I was arrogant and self-righteous. I had denied and ignored the suggestions of others, and had autocratically appointed Zhang as a leader on my own volition. I truly was acting wildly. God’s house has stressed over and over that the greatest taboo in selecting leaders is choosing evildoers and the deceitful. When my two sisters said Zhang had poor humanity, if I really had fear of God in my heart, before selecting her I would have asked more people who were entirely in the know, clarified the condition of Zhang’s humanity, and determined whether she was an evildoer. If I still wasn’t sure after investigating and there was no one else suitable, I could have used her while observing her, then dismissed her once I discovered she was not a good person and wasn’t on the right path. This wouldn’t have caused disruption to the church’s work. If I’d had a little fear of God in my heart, there’s no way I would have simply selected someone as leader, then thought everything would be fine and washed my hands of the matter. I now saw that what I had thought was right, what I had held to be right, was based entirely on my own ideas, it was my notions and imagination. I had been self-righteous and stubbornly held to my own ideas, and the result was that I let an evildoer serve as a leader for over a year, which nearly paralyzed all of the church’s work. This was when I finally realized that I hadn’t just made a small error in selecting a leader, I had done evil, something that seriously resisted God. For God’s chosen people to follow God, pursue the truth and attain salvation, they must have a good leader, but I didn’t treat choosing a leader as a serious matter at all. I didn’t have any fear of God in my heart. Not only did I fail to choose a good leader for my brothers and sisters, I installed an evildoer and let her harm God’s chosen people. I wasn’t caring or taking responsibility for the lives of my brothers and sisters at all. With this attitude toward my duty, how could I be fit to be a leader? In choosing a leader, I was so rash, reckless and careless, and so arrogant and self-righteous that when others tried to remind me, I paid them no mind. I was autocratic and arbitrary, and as a result, the church’s work and the life entry of my brothers and sisters were seriously damaged. There was no way I could make up for that damage. I had chosen an evil leader for my brothers and sisters and had done so much evil, and when my two sisters reported and exposed me, I didn’t feel any guilt or remorse, but instead had remonstrated and defended myself. I was so stubborn and detestable!
After that, I began to reflect on why I was so arrogant and autocratic that I couldn’t take advice or seek the principles of the truth. What kind of disposition was this? How did God see the matter? One day, I came across this passage of God’s word: “Arrogance and self-righteousness is the most obvious satanic disposition of people, and if they do not accept the truth, there is no way they can be cleansed. People have arrogant and self-righteous dispositions, they always believe they’re right, and in all that they think, say, and have opinions on, they always believe that their own view and mindset is correct, that nothing anyone else says is as good or right as what they say. They always stick to their own opinions, and do not listen to whatever anyone else says; even when what other people say is right, and in line with the truth, they don’t accept it, they merely seem to be listening, but don’t take anything in. When the time comes to act, they still go their own way; they always think they are right and justified. You might be right, and justified, or you might be doing the right thing, without issues, but what is the disposition you reveal? Isn’t it arrogance and self-righteousness? If you are unable to shed this arrogant and self-righteous disposition, will this affect your performance of your duty? Will it affect your ability to put the truth into practice? If you cannot resolve this kind of arrogant and self-righteous disposition, are you likely to encounter great setbacks in the future? There is no doubt that you will, this is inevitable. Can God see these things manifested in people? He can, extremely well; God not only surveys man’s innermost being, but is also always watching their every utterance and action. And what will God say once He sees these things manifested in you? God will say, ‘You are intransigent! Sticking to your guns when you do not know you are wrong is understandable, but if you still stick to your guns when you know full well that you are wrong, and refuse to repent, then you are a stubborn old fool, and you are in trouble. If, no matter whose suggestion it is, you react with a negative and antagonistic attitude, and do not accept the truth at all—if, in your heart, there is nothing but antagonism, closedness, refusal—then you are ridiculous, an absurd fool! You are too difficult to deal with.’ What about you is so difficult to deal with? What is difficult about you is that your behavior is not a mistaken way of doing things or a mistaken kind of conduct, but rather that it reveals a certain kind of disposition. What kind of disposition does it reveal? You are sick of the truth and hate the truth. Once you have been defined as hating the truth, then as God sees it, you are in trouble; God spurns you, and pays you no heed. With people, the worst that could happen is, they might say, ‘This person’s disposition is no good—they’re pig-headed, intransigent, and brash! They’re hard to get along with, and they neither love the truth nor will they ever accept or practice it.’ The worst that could happen is that everyone will give you this kind of an assessment, but would such an assessment be able to decide your fate? People wouldn’t be able to decide your fate by giving you an assessment, but there’s something you shouldn’t forget, and that is, God sees into the human heart, and at the same time He also watches everything that a human being does and says. If God has made this determination about you and says that you hate the truth, rather than merely saying that you have something of a corrupt disposition and are somewhat disobedient—is this a serious problem? (It is.) In that case, there’s trouble in store for you. This trouble has to do, not with how people see you or how they assess you, but with how God sees this corrupt disposition of yours that hates the truth. Well then, how would God see you? Will God merely classify you as someone who hates and does not love the truth, and nothing more? Is it that simple? Where does the truth come from? Who does the truth stand for? (It stands for God.) Well then, you have a go at delving into this, if someone hates the truth, how would this look to God? (That they are an enemy of God.) Wouldn’t this be a serious matter? A person who hates the truth would in their heart hate God. Why do I say they hate God? Did this person curse God? Did they oppose Him to His face? Did they pass judgment on or condemn Him behind His back? Not necessarily. So why is it said that to reveal such a disposition—a disposition of hatred toward the truth—is to hate God? This is not making a mountain out of a molehill; this is fact. Like the hypocritical Pharisees nailing the Lord Jesus to the cross because they hated the truth, the consequences when this plays out are dire. That is to say, when a person has the disposition of being sick of the truth and hostile to the truth, then they are capable of revealing this kind of disposition at any time and in any place, and if they go on living in a state of reliance on it, will they or will they not oppose God? When they meet with an issue involving the truth, involving the choices they have to make, if they cannot accept the truth but go on living in a state of reliance on their corrupt disposition, then they will naturally oppose God and betray Him. That is because this kind of corrupt disposition is none other than a disposition that hates God and the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Often Living Before God Can One Have a Normal Relationship With Him). God’s word pointed out the essence and crux of the problem, especially these words: “What about you is so difficult to deal with? What is difficult about you is that your behavior is not a mistaken way of doing things or a mistaken kind of conduct, but rather that it reveals a certain kind of disposition. What kind of disposition does it reveal? You are sick of the truth and hate the truth.” This section pierced my heart, and really hit me hard. I didn’t expect that the arrogant disposition I had revealed was, to God, loathing, detesting, and not accepting the truth. This is the disposition of an evildoer and an antichrist! If I were defined by God as someone who loathes and detests the truth, then this would make me a devil, a Satan, and unable to be saved. I felt very afraid. Although I knew I had an arrogant and self-righteous disposition, didn’t take advice from others easily, and committed some transgressions because of this, I merely acknowledged it. Sometimes, I even thought arrogance and self-righteousness were common traits of corrupt humans and not easy to change, so I indulged myself and didn’t treat it as a serious problem I needed to resolve. Because of this, in my duty I often revealed my arrogant and self-righteous disposition, yet was dismissive of it. I just felt upset and remorseful when I was pruned and dealt with, and then would consciously restrain myself, but I still often involuntarily revealed it again afterward. Those who knew me evaluated me as arrogant and self-righteous, and in the work my leader gave me, he often reminded and instructed me not to be arrogant and self-righteous and to listen more to the opinions of others, lest my arrogance and self-righteousness do harm to the church’s work. Now, through what God’s word revealed, I saw that I was arrogant and self-righteous and didn’t accept the truth, and so no matter how right or beneficial to the church’s work others’ advice was, I stubbornly clung to my own ideas. If anyone fellowshiped on the principles of truth or made suggestions, I disliked and resisted them. I hated and refused to tolerate anyone who exposed me. This showed that I had the antichrist’s disposition of hating and detesting the truth. At the very beginning my two sisters had reminded me about a leader I’d chosen who wasn’t suitable, out of fear I would let an evildoer harm the church, and yet I hadn’t listened to their advice at all and stubbornly insisted on my own views. Now that the two sisters no longer felt constrained by my position, they wrote a letter to expose me and to report my problems. They did this to protect the work of the church, but it also served as a warning to me. Yet not only did I refuse to accept it or reflect or try to know myself, in my heart I detested them, rejected them, and even judged and condemned them as trying to get something they could hold against me. Wasn’t this attitude nothing other than loathing and hatred of the truth? I thought of a passage of God’s word: “What kind of people, do you think, are those who are sick of the truth? Are they those who resist and oppose God? They might not openly resist God, but their nature and essence is to deny and resist God, which is tantamount to openly telling God, ‘I do not like hearing what You say, I do not accept it, and because I do not accept that Your words are the truth, I do not believe in You. I believe in whoever is profitable and beneficial to me.’ Is this the attitude of unbelievers? If this is your attitude toward the truth, are you not being openly hostile to God? And if you are openly hostile to God, will God save you? He won’t. Such is the reason for God’s wrath toward all who deny and resist God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Fulfill One’s Duty Well, Understanding the Truth Is Most Crucial). God says our attitude toward the truth is our attitude toward Him, so by hating and detesting the truth, wasn’t I detesting God and taking Him as my enemy? That was a through-and-through manifestation of a satanic disposition! Those who hate the truth are evildoers, devils and Satans! If the advice of my brothers and sisters came from the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit, accorded with the truth, and benefited the church’s work, yet I was so arrogant and self-righteous that I didn’t seek, accept, or submit, then I was going against the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit, and was resisting God. Once I understood this, I grew even more scared, because I knew my problem was very serious. It wasn’t, as I had thought, as simple as being somewhat arrogant and self-righteous and not accepting others’ advice. The problem involved my attitude toward the work of the Holy Spirit and toward God, as well as my resistance to God.
Later, my leader also dissected me regarding this matter, and said, “When you promoted the evildoer, others reminded you this person had serious problems, yet you didn’t listen, and trusted only in your own views. If your views have a basis in God’s word, then you can trust in yourself. But if they don’t, if they are your own absurd notions, then your trust in yourself is a problem with your humanity. You weren’t acting according to principles, and you lack a sense of fairness. You were being irrational and unreasonable.” After I heard my leader’s fellowship, it really pierced my heart. It was true, not only did I have an arrogant and self-righteous disposition, I also had problems with my humanity, and couldn’t treat people fairly. Once I had chosen someone and planned to use them, I didn’t accept others’ criticism of them, especially if those who gave suggestions were those I looked down on or who had been dismissed. I turned my nose up and paid no heed to their advice. I figured that those who had been dismissed for not doing their duties well couldn’t offer any good advice. In my heart, I had completely rejected those two sisters. I treated and selected people based on my own emotions and ideas. I couldn’t treat people fairly according to the principles of truth. It shows that my humanity, character and disposition all had problems. The more I reflected, the more serious I felt my problem was. Because of my arrogance and self-righteousness, I didn’t listen to my sisters’ advice on important work in the church, which caused so much harm to the church. In my course of belief in God, this was one more evil deed, one more stain. I felt really upset and guilty, and began to wonder why I always involuntarily did evil and resisted God? What was the root cause? God’s word gave me the answer. God says: “If, in your heart, you truly understand the truth, then you will know how to practice the truth and obey God, and will naturally embark on the path of pursuing the truth. If the path you walk is the right one, and in line with God’s will, then the work of the Holy Spirit will not leave you—in which case there will be less and less chance of you betraying God. Without the truth, it is easy to do evil, and you will do it despite yourself. For example, if you have an arrogant and conceited disposition, then being told not to oppose God makes no difference, you can’t help yourself, it is beyond your control. You would not do it on purpose; you would do it under the domination of your arrogant and conceited nature. Your arrogance and conceit would make you look down on God and see Him as being of no account; they would cause you to exalt yourself, constantly put yourself on display; they would make you scorn others, they would leave no one in your heart but yourself; they would rob you of God’s place in your heart, and ultimately cause you to sit in the place of God and demand that people submit to you, and make you venerate your own thoughts, ideas, and notions as the truth. So much evil is done by people under the dominance of their arrogant and conceited nature!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). It was true. My nature was so arrogant and so wildly unreasonable. I was always thinking I was in the right, as if my views and opinions were the truth, and I didn’t allow others to question me, let alone offer different suggestions. In the matter of choosing a leader, for example, God’s house clearly stipulates that wicked and deceitful people cannot be selected. This is forbidden, and a very serious issue. When my two sisters reminded me of Zhang’s poor humanity, I just asked a few people about it perfunctorily, and, with my subjective assumptions on top of that, I blindly denied their advice. I didn’t seek advice from brothers and sisters who understood the truth, nor did I clarify the difference between someone with poor humanity and someone with an evildoer’s essence, nor did I try to find out the specific reason Zhang couldn’t cooperate with others—whether the problem was one of a corrupt disposition, or one of a vicious humanity. If it was just a matter of a corrupt disposition and she could accept the truth, then she would change and couldn’t be defined as evil. If she was someone of vicious humanity who loathed and detested the truth, she was an evildoer. No matter how she was dealt with for the evil things she did, she would not accept it, nor would she ever sincerely repent. If I had sought the truth at that time, and evaluated Zhang’s typical behavior by the essence and characteristics of evildoers, I would have had some discernment of her, wouldn’t have insisted on using her, and could have avoided causing such harm to the church’s work. The resulting consequences were entirely due to me being too arrogant and not seeking the truth. If I had even the slightest fear of God and obedience to God, I wouldn’t have made such a big mistake or done such evil. But I had been arrogant and self-righteous, and in this serious matter of selecting a leader I had not sought the truth, nor had I listened to the suggestions of my sisters. I had selected an evil person as leader, and put the entire work of the church into a condition of paralysis. So many brothers and sisters had suffered and had their lives harmed, and I had made an irreparable transgression. I was too rigid and stubborn! From my heart, I detested and cursed myself. I prayed to God, wishing to genuinely repent.
I read another passage of God’s word and found a path of practice. God says, “How should you reflect on yourself, and try to know yourself, when you have done something that violates the principles of the truth and is displeasing to God? When you were about to do that thing, did you pray to Him? Did you ever consider, ‘Is doing things in this way in line with the truth? How would this matter be viewed by God if it were brought before Him? Would He be happy or irritated if He knew about it? Would He detest or be disgusted by it?’ You did not seek it out, did you? Even if others reminded you, you would still think that the matter was no big deal, and that it did not run against any principles and was not a sin. As a result, you offended God’s disposition and provoked Him to anger, even to the point of His despising you. This is produced by people’s rebelliousness. Therefore, you should seek the truth in all things. This is what you must follow. If you can earnestly come before God to pray beforehand, and then seek the truth according to God’s words, you will not go wrong. You may have some deviations in your practice of the truth, but this is hard to avoid, and you will be able to practice correctly after you gain some experience. However, if you know how to act in accordance with the truth, yet don’t practice it, the problem is your dislike of the truth. Those who do not love the truth will never seek it, no matter what may happen to them. Only those who love the truth have hearts that fear God, and when things happen that they don’t understand, they are able to seek the truth. If you can’t grasp God’s will and don’t know how to practice, then you should seek the truth through fellowship with someone who understands the truth. If you can’t find someone who understands the truth, you should find a few people to pray to God together with one mind and one heart, seek from God, await God’s time, and wait for God to open a way for you. As long as you all yearn for the truth, seek the truth, and fellowship on the truth together, the time may come when one of you comes up with a good solution. If you all find the solution suitable and it is a good way, then this may have been due to the enlightenment and illumination of the Holy Spirit. If you then continue to fellowship together to come up with a more accurate path of practice, it will certainly be in line with the principles of truth. In your practice, if you discover your way of practice is still somewhat unsuitable, then you need to quickly correct it. If you err slightly, God will not condemn you, because your intentions in what you do are right, and you are practicing according to the truth. You are simply a little confused about the principles and have made an error in your practice, which is excusable. But when most people do things, they do them on the basis of how they imagine them to be done. They don’t use God’s words as a basis to contemplate how to practice according to the truth or how to gain God’s approval. Instead, they only think about how to benefit themselves, how to make others look up to them, and how to make others admire them. They do things entirely based on their own ideas and purely to satisfy themselves, which is troublesome. Such people will never do things in accordance with the truth, and God will always hate them. If you are truly someone with conscience and reason, then no matter what happens, you should be able to come before God to pray and seek, be able to seriously examine the motives and adulteration in your actions, be able to determine what is appropriate to do according to God’s words and requirements, and repeatedly weigh and contemplate what actions please God, what actions disgust God, and what actions earn God’s approval. You must go over these matters time and again in your mind until you clearly understand them. If you know that you have your own motives for doing something, then you must reflect on what your motives are, whether it is to satisfy yourself or to satisfy God, whether it is beneficial to yourself or to God’s chosen people, and what consequences it will cause…. If you seek and contemplate more like this in your prayers, and ask yourself more questions to seek the truth, then the deviations in your actions will become smaller and smaller. Only those who can seek the truth in this way are people who are considerate of God’s will and who fear God, because you are seeking in accordance with the requirements of God’s words and with an obedient heart, and the conclusions you reach from seeking this way will be in line with the principles of truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s word gave me the principles of practice: No matter what I do, I must have a heart that fears God, and seek the truth and the principles by which to do things. Especially in matters involving the work and interests of the church, I can’t act blindly based on my own ideas. Otherwise, once I seriously harm the church or disrupt its work, then I’ll have done evil and sinned against God. In addition, I can’t decide things alone when performing my duties, nor can I do things my own way and be autocratic. I must discuss things with my partnered brothers and sisters, seek more and fellowship with brothers and sisters who understand the truth, and listen to opinions different from my own. Regardless of whether someone has status, special gifts or talents, I should humbly listen to their advice. In matters I don’t understand, I should seek guidance from my leader right away, clarify the principles involved, and learn how to act in accord with the truth and without offending God before taking action. I must also learn to deny myself. The more I consider something to be right, the less I can cling to it, and I must seek whether it accords with the principles of truth. This can resolve the problem of arrogance and self-righteousness, and can protect me from doing evil and offending God’s disposition. Previously, I hadn’t known myself, I had no self-awareness and was far too sure of myself. Only after this painful failure did I see that when I was sure of myself, when I didn’t think I could possibly be wrong, and even when I had a firm basis for thinking I was right, the facts showed that not only was I mistaken, I was terribly, absurdly, and hatefully mistaken, and the consequences were disastrous. In the past, I committed so many transgressions because of my arrogance. At the time, I had really thought I was right, and sometimes had even used God’s words as a basis. Later, however, the facts revealed that I had been wrong, because I hadn’t truly understood God’s word or grasped the principles. Rather, I had used God’s word indiscriminately and blindly applied rules. Once I realized this, I admitted from the heart that I lacked the realities of truth, couldn’t see people or matters clearly, and that some of my views were absurd and ridiculous. On top of that, I had low caliber, I was simple-minded, and didn’t think things through or understand the truth. I only knew some doctrines and rigidly followed some rules. At that moment, I was convinced that I was completely worthless, that I was poor and pathetic, and I no longer wanted to insist on my own views.
After that, when others offer suggestions different from mine, whenever I want to insist on my way, I think back to these painful lessons. I recall how many views I believed were definitely correct were all wrong when measured against the truth, and were condemned by God. I no longer dare insist on my own views, and promptly seek the views and advice of others. Sometimes when discussing things, I unknowingly deny other people’s suggestions, but when I realize what I’ve done, I quickly ask what the majority of people think, lest I not follow the right advice and harm the work of the church. In matters where I think I’m right, I don’t dare decide on my own anymore, and I can consciously ask for advice from my partnered brothers and sisters, or seek guidance from my leader. By doing this I feel more at ease, and also avoid doing harm to the work of the church by acting autocratically. Today, although I can still expose an arrogant and self-righteous disposition, it is much better than before.
I am an extremely arrogant and self-righteous person. When I think I am right, I find it difficult to deny myself or to listen to the suggestions of others. Were it not for the judgment and revelation of God’s words, for the reports and exposure of my brothers and sisters, and for God exposing me and dealing with me time and again, I would never have been able to know myself and to deny myself. The little change that I’ve achieved now, the fact that I have some reason and human likeness, is purely due to God’s painstaking work, and is the fruit of the enlightenment and guidance of His words. I thank God from the bottom of my heart for saving me.