86. What Should We Pursue in Life?

By Song Zihan, China

My health wasn’t great as a child and much of our family’s money generally went to my healthcare, so my dad didn’t really like me, and he hit me and yelled at me a lot. I was mocked and excluded by others because of that. I’d often go hide and cry alone, feeling miserable and wronged. I felt like, “You guys look down on me. When I grow up, I’m determined to have a great career to show all of you up.” My husband and I didn’t get along after getting married, so we divorced. I gave my 4-year-old son to my mom to look after and went to help out at a beauty salon a classmate of mine opened. She was a business school teacher, so since she had a job, she had me help her manage things in the shop. Before long, she totally changed, becoming aloof and condescending, ordering me around from her position as the boss. I felt really uncomfortable, and a gap formed between us. One day we got into an argument over something and I wanted to quit. She mocked me, saying, “Song Zihan, I’m not selling you short. If you can make it without me, I’ll eat my hat!” I was really upset when I heard that. It was a real blow to my self-esteem. I thought, “You’re too disrespectful. You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Because of what you just said, I’ll make a career for myself to show you up, even if it kills me. I’ll make you eat your humiliating words from today. One day, I’m going to watch you eat your hat.” I packed my bags and left in a huff that very day.

I started working and saving up money, and never asked for time off even when I got sick. When I was tired and my back ached, I gritted my teeth and kept on. After four months, I started managing a hair salon myself. I ran it alone to save money, just eating one meal a day. My stomach growled at night, and I’d drink water to quell my hunger. Sometimes business was good and I’d work until 2 or 3 a.m. before going to bed. I’d drag myself out of bed at 6 a.m., with eyes still half-closed. My hands were cracked and burned by the perming chemicals. My fingers bled as soon as I bent them—it was really painful. I hid in my bedcovers a lot, crying, but as soon as I thought of my father’s disdain and my classmate’s mockery, I’d quietly motivate myself, thinking “You have to endure great suffering in order to come out on top,” and “People must have the spine to fight for their dignity.” I felt like one day I’d make it, and everyone who’d looked down on me and wounded my pride would see me with new eyes. I was filled with the motivation to work hard. In 1996, I finally opened up my own salon. It was bigger than my classmate’s shop and decorated more attractively. On opening day, I was moved to tears. I thought, “I’ve finally opened a shop and now I’m the boss—I can hold my head high. Later, I want to expand the shop and make it even fancier and more appealing so my classmate will be utterly disgraced. If my friends and family from home knew I’d opened my own shop, they’d be impressed.” After three years of hard work, I had put aside a bit of money. To gain more people’s respect, I invested further to open a much larger beauty salon and a cosmetics company, and opened up nine chain stores in different regions. I also joined several national beauty competitions and won some gold medals. After years of hard work, I finally became well-respected in the industry, and I was filled with an indescribable sense of joy. I wanted to stand on a mountaintop and shout: “My dream has come true! I’m not that same person everyone used to mock!” Driving my car home, everyone looked at me with envy. I had a real sense of satisfaction and pride. It seemed I’d taken the right path, and I should work even harder in the future to further expand my business.

In 2002, I opened a large beauty salon in another large city. As my business grew, more and more people got to know my name. I felt like I could walk with my chin up, I felt more alive and walked with a spring in my step. I thought, “If I run into my classmate, I definitely have to ‘thank’ her. Without her shaming comments, I wouldn’t have what I have today.” But to my surprise, I learned that she had gotten lung cancer and passed away. I was shocked and really disappointed. I didn’t understand how people’s lives could be so delicate. She died at just 39 years old. I’d finally succeeded after paying such a big price, wanting her to retract her words that had so insulted me and trampled my dignity. But I was too late to show her my moment of success and glory, as she departed so suddenly. No matter how much fame or fortune you have, you can’t take any of it with you when you die, so what’s the point of life? That thought made me feel inexplicably disappointed and despondent. My classmate’s death really impacted me. For a time, that question was constantly vexing me, but no one could tell me the answer.

I threw myself back into my work before long and thought about changing careers. Opening a beauty salon was still low in the social hierarchy, but being a doctor was a high prestige, well-respected job. So, thinking nothing of the expensive tuition, I went to several major cities, seeking out famous doctors and acupuncturists to learn Chinese medicine. Trying to realize my dream, I neglected my son’s education, and even forgot entirely about his existence. I didn’t look after my aging mother or even mind my own business affairs, instead totally throwing myself into my studies. Whether walking, eating, or lying in bed, all I did was go over dry Chinese medicine theories, with no time to have fun with my friends or talk with my parents or sisters. Sometimes it felt really difficult, and I wanted to give up on my studies, but at the thought of how learning medicine could raise my social status and get me more admiration from people, I warned myself not to give up halfway and be looked down on by others. I had to complete my studies, no matter how hard and tiring it was. In order to move above others, I kept encouraging myself in this way. Through 15 years of diligent studying, research, and practice, I developed a bit of a reputation in the medical field, and started traveling around the country doing acupuncture and healthcare trainings. After a long time always being busy with trainings, going back and forth on planes and trains, I developed some digestive issues that also seriously affected my sleep, and I got dizzy and lightheaded all the time. I didn’t go get it looked at by a doctor, though. Once when my stomach inflammation was acting up, I also developed an anal fistula and had seriously bloody stool. I had a training right then, so I just had to bear it and get on a plane to a city over 300 miles away. As soon as I stepped off the plane I was surrounded by flowers and applause, and I heard envious voices of approval behind me: “That’s Professor Song, so young and beautiful.” “Yeah, I’ve taken one of her classes—it was very well taught.” In that moment, I felt like all my sacrifices and hard work had been worth it, and I silently told myself over and over, “Stay strong, you can do it. Lots of hard work is what lies behind success.” I fought to tolerate the intense abdominal pain and cold sweat, standing on stage delivering speeches for three days with a smile on my face. I waved goodbye to the students when I got off the stage, and in that moment, I felt a strange kind of sadness at the emptiness of it all. I dragged my weak, exhausted body back to my hotel, collapsed onto my bed, and stared blankly at the ceiling. An inexplicable sense of loneliness and desolation came over me. Flowers and applause used to be symbols of my success and renown, but all that was short-lived, totally fleeting. It couldn’t help free me from my sickness and emptiness at all. I was asking myself over and over: “Now that I’ve gained others’ respect and admiration, why am I not even the slightest bit happy? Instead, I feel empty, miserable, helpless, and lonely. What do people really live for? How can people live with meaning?”

Each time I dragged my weary body back home, my mom asked me over and over, sadly, “Honey, you’re so busy from dawn till dusk. You’re physically spent. Is it worth it? You should believe in God—we were created by Him. By having faith you will gain the truth, which is the only way to live a meaningful, peaceful life. Without faith, anything you pursue in this world will feel empty.” I actually knew that faith was a good thing, but my heart was entirely in my work. I wanted to become a believer when I was older, when I retired. How could I not focus on my career at such a young age? That’s why I didn’t take my mother’s words seriously.

Because I was chronically over-stressed, both in my work and emotionally, I developed an endocrine disorder and my immunity suffered. I got a strange skin condition that was incredibly itchy, an itch that came from deep under my skin. Scratching with my hands did nothing, nor did taking medication. I would grab the skin on my face with one hand, and hold a needle used for skin tests in the other hand, stabbing the skin over and over until my whole face was bloody. My skin was so unbearably itchy, and I felt like I’d be better off dead. My face was terribly swollen. Seeing my reflection, looking like neither human nor ghost, I knew I couldn’t leave the house. I thought, “I can cure all sorts of hard-to-treat ailments for others, but not my own. How pathetic!” I had been so glorious, but now I was such a wreck. I wanted to jump out the window to my death. I kept crying and wailing, “Oh! I must have done such evil in a past life and this is my payback!” I went to a Chinese medicine doctor to get it treated after that. He said he’d seen one similar case before, and 20 years of treatment didn’t cure it. Hearing that was devastating for me. Was I really going to spend the rest of my life like that? I’d toiled most of my life to make a name for myself, but this was what I’d become. What was the point of my life? I wanted to just down some sleeping pills and be done with it. Just as I was preparing to end my life, in April 2018, my mom shared God’s work of the last days with me once more.

I saw The Church of Almighty God’s musical drama, “Xiaozhen’s Story.” I was incredibly moved. It had some of God’s words in it: “The Almighty has mercy on these people who have suffered deeply; at the same time, He is fed up with these people who lack consciousness, as He has had to wait too long for an answer from humanity. He wishes to seek, to seek your heart and your spirit, to bring you water and food and to awaken you, that you may no longer be thirsty and hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time. He is keeping watch by your side, waiting for you to turn back around. He is waiting for the day you suddenly recover your memory: when you realize that you came from God, that, at some unknown time you lost your direction, at some unknown time you lost consciousness on the road, and at some unknown time acquired a ‘father’; when you realize, furthermore, that the Almighty has always been keeping watch, waiting there a very, very long time for your return. He has been watching with desperate longing, waiting for a response without an answer. His watching and waiting are beyond any price, and they are for the sake of the human heart and the human spirit. Perhaps this watching and waiting are indefinite, and perhaps they are at an end. But you should know exactly where your heart and your spirit are right now(The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Sighing of the Almighty). Every sentence of God’s words spoke to my heart. Xiaozhen’s story was like a true portrayal of my own life. I could feel God calling to me with His arms wide open, “Child, come back!” God’s love moved me to tears, and I just couldn’t stop sobbing. In that moment I felt the warmth of coming back home. My wandering heart had found its harbor and was safe. Those years of loneliness, misery, and sadness, and even secrets I’d never told anyone, I could finally share with God. I cried out in my heart, “Only God knows how miserable my life has been. Only the Creator can have true love for human beings!” I came before God in tears and told Him, “God! When I was exhausted from toiling in my career, You shared the gospel with me repeatedly through my mother, but I was unwilling to come before You for the sake of my career. Seeing Xiaozhen calling out ‘God,’ ‘God’ over and over on stage was like one punch in the gut after another. I hate myself for repeatedly pushing away Your hand of salvation, hurting You time and again. But You didn’t give up on my salvation. You stayed by my side, waiting for the moment I’d turn toward You, so You could save me from my sea of pain. Oh God, I want to believe in You. I want to follow You closely and worship You!” Then, I cried out to God everything I had buried in my heart all those years. I felt much lighter all over and my mood was improved. Being able to come before God made me the happiest person ever, and I really regretted how stubborn I’d been, pushing away God’s salvation again and again.

After that, I devoured God’s words hungrily. I was deeply touched to see the true picture God shows us of mankind being corrupted by Satan. God’s words are all the truth and they reveal us humans as we truly are. Gathering with brothers and sisters and singing hymns in praise of God was really fulfilling for me. I was very happy. I saw that brothers and sisters were honest and sincere with each other. When they showed corruption, they could openly fellowship and help each other without any sort of intrigue or cheating. I felt like I was living in an entirely different world and I totally forgot my previous misery. My health also gradually improved. I was so grateful for God’s salvation. I was thinking that ever since I’d become a believer, reading God’s words and singing hymns praising God every day, I’d been so happy. Why was it that when I was out in the world with a career, reputation, status, and money, I wasn’t happy at all, but instead my life was incredibly miserable? I read something in God’s words later on: “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain(The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). “If you do not understand the truth, you will not be able to see this matter clearly and you will think, ‘It is good to have a will to fight; it is proper. How can people live if they don’t have a bit of a will to fight? If they don’t have a bit of a will to fight, they will not have any spirit or strength to live. Then, what meaning is there to living? They submit to every unfavorable situation—how weak and cowardly is that!’ People all think they must fight to demonstrate their worth. How do they fight to demonstrate their worth? By putting emphasis on the word ‘fight.’ No matter what situation they encounter, they try to achieve their goals via fighting. The mentality of never saying die has its origins in the word ‘fight.’ … Every day they live, they fight. No matter what they do, they always try to achieve victory by fighting, and flaunt their victory. They try to fight to demonstrate their worth in everything they do—can they achieve it? What exactly are they competing for and fighting for? All their fighting is for fame, gain, and status; all their fighting is for their own self-interest. Why are they fighting? It is in order to look like a hero and be named an elite. However, their fighting must end in death, and they must be punished. There is no question about this. Wherever there is Satan and demons, there is fighting. They will ultimately be destroyed, and then the fighting will end, too. This will be the outcome of Satan and demons(The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Excursus One: What the Truth Is). God’s words resolved the confusion in my heart, and I felt immediately enlightened. I realized that fame, fortune, and status are a means, a tactic Satan uses to corrupt, mislead, and control people. They’re also shackles Satan puts on us, and they’re shackles none of us can free ourselves from. Those 28 years I’d been working so hard, my life was miserable. I’d taken satanic poisons like “People must have the spine to fight for their dignity,” “People should strive to achieve dignity,” “You have to endure great suffering in order to come out on top,” “Man struggles upwards; water flows downwards” and “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies” as positive things to pursue. I’d taken them as my goals in life. I was running wild on the path of chasing fame and fortune, living a miserable life. Thinking back to the start, when my classmate mocked and belittled me, I swore I’d fight to show her up. I made my way into circles of status and renown. I started to toil and suffer for fame and fortune. My hands were cracked and bleeding from perming chemicals, but I didn’t want to spend money to hire someone. To pinch pennies, I ate just one meal a day and quelled my hunger with water. I was tired to my limit, but still wouldn’t rest. I took “You have to endure great suffering in order to come out on top” as my motivation in pursuing fame and fortune. Later I finally made a name for myself locally and was temporarily satisfied, but I still didn’t rest in my pursuit of reputation and status. My ambition and desire just kept growing. To improve my social standing, increase my renown, and gain more people’s admiration and esteem, I thought nothing of spending 15 years studying medicine, with no time to go home to see my mother and son. I thought of nothing more than my career and reputation. Once I achieved success, I disregarded everything to bask in the flowers and applause. I even pushed away God’s hand of salvation time and again. To gain others’ flattery and praise, I put on an act. I was physically spent and exhausted to the point of illness, but kept giving lectures. Then all that accumulated fatigue became a strange illness, and I wished for death. The path I walked with the shackles of fame and fortune was grueling. Like a donkey pulling a millstone in the dark, I couldn’t break free no matter how hard I pulled. I was living by these satanic poisons, with nothing but fame and fortune in my heart and others’ esteem in my mind. I became really selfish and vile, completely lacking intimacy and love. I was like a cold-blooded creature, living like neither man nor beast. I was the only one who knew the pain behind the reputation I’d gained. That wasn’t a proper path for life. Because of that one thing my classmate said, I didn’t want to be an average person, but wanted to lord over others, to be exalted. For over two decades, I suffered like I was roasting over an oven. Just as God’s words say: “If you always want to be someone outstanding, a cut above the rest, then you are throwing yourself to the wolves, putting yourself through the meat grinder, and making your own life difficult(The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Retreat When There Is No Status and No Hope of Gaining Blessings). If it weren’t for the revelations of God’s words, none of us would see that “People should strive to achieve dignity” and “You have to endure great suffering in order to come out on top” are fallacies, that they’re tactics Satan uses to corrupt humans.

I read something else in God’s words: “When one does not have God, when one cannot see Him, when one cannot clearly recognize God’s sovereignty, every day is meaningless, worthless, miserable. Wherever one is, whatever one’s job is, one’s means of living and the pursuit of one’s goals bring one nothing but endless heartbreak and suffering without relief, such that one cannot bear to look back on one’s past. Only when one accepts the Creator’s sovereignty, submits to His orchestrations and arrangements, and seeks true human life will one gradually begin to break free from all heartbreak and suffering, and to be rid of all the emptiness of life(The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). I realized from God’s words, the reason the past 20-odd years were so painful for me was because I didn’t know God. I had been living by satanic philosophies without a proper goal and direction in life. That’s what put me on that wrong path. Satan was toying with me mercilessly and I was living without any meaning. I had to come before God, accept His words as the basis for my existence, submit to His rule and arrangements, and take the way of fearing God and shunning evil to find the right path in life. This was just like Job, who was the richest man in the East and had a family of great wealth, but knew that all we have is ordained by God’s sovereignty. He didn’t pursue or revel in fame or status, but just worked normally. He lived freely and happily. Then overnight, his family’s riches were stripped away, all his children died, but he still praised God’s name, saying “Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away; blessed be the name of Jehovah” (Job 1:21). He was a wonderful witness for God. Job was able to submit to God’s rule and arrangements, and he took the path of fearing God and shunning evil. He lived with dignity and ultimately gained God’s approval. I wanted to imitate Job, give up the wrong path I’d taken in life, have true faith, read God’s words, pursue the truth, and do the duty of a created being. That was the only way to be free of the emptiness and pain in my heart, and free of Satan’s harm and shackles. That was the only path for me. I prayed to God, wanting to become someone who heeds His words and obeys Him.

But when I wanted to give up my career and throw myself into my faith and duty, I ran into some roadblocks. I got a call from my son one day. The company was on the verge of closing and he wanted me to go back and rally to save it. I was really conflicted when I heard that. After 28 years of hard work, was it really going to end just like that? In just a moment I’d be left with nothing, like before my career took off. How would people see me and talk about me? How could I face others? I wouldn’t have any way to make a living. I wasn’t willing to give it up just like that. When I was planning to go back to rescue the company, both of my arms turned red and started itching like crazy, just like my face used to itch. I was in pain and really annoyed, too. Since I hadn’t fully recovered yet, what if I went and then became unwell again? I knew that, when faced with that kind of hardship, speaking with God was the only solution. So I prayed to God: “God! I know I was on the wrong path before, chasing money and fame. Now I want to read Your words and do my duty every day, but my company is about to close down. I’m really conflicted. I don’t want the business I worked hard on for over 20 years to close just like that. God, I truly don’t know what to do. Please guide me.” Then one morning I received a fellow apprentice’s call, saying that our teacher had had a stroke on a plane, and was taken to the hospital but couldn’t be saved. I realized that was God’s alert and warning for me, to show me that no matter how much money or renown I had, it couldn’t save my life. After hanging up, I knelt before God in tears and prayed, “Oh God! I know that You heard my prayer. My teacher’s death was a wake-up call for me. Now I understand that being able to live is Your salvation for me. When I was tortured by illness to the point that I wanted to die and end it all, You allowed me to hear Your voice, saving me. I want to treasure this precious chance today, and I can’t repeat the same mistakes.”

During that time, I read some of God’s words that really touched me and made me see more clearly what we should pursue in life. God says: “Though the various survival skills that people spend their lives mastering can offer an abundance of material comforts, they never bring true peace and consolation to one’s heart, but instead make people constantly lose their direction, have difficulty controlling themselves, and miss every opportunity to learn the meaning of life; these survival skills create an undercurrent of anxiety about how to face death properly. People’s lives are ruined in this way(The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). “People spend their lives chasing after money and fame; they clutch at these straws, thinking they are their only means of support, as if by having them they could live on, exempt from death. But only when they are about to die do they realize how distant these things are from them, how weak they are in the face of death, how easily they shatter, how lonely and helpless they are, with nowhere to turn. They realize that life cannot be bought with money or fame, that no matter how wealthy a person may be, no matter how lofty their position, all are equally poor and insignificant in the face of death. They realize that money cannot buy life, that fame cannot erase death, that neither money nor fame can lengthen a person’s life by a single minute, a single second. The more people feel this way, the more they yearn to keep on living; the more people feel this way, the more they dread the approach of death. Only at this point do they truly realize that their lives do not belong to them, are not theirs to control, and that one has no say over whether one lives or dies—that all of this lies outside of one’s control(The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). God’s words brightened my heart and they were enlightening. I thought of my teacher who’d chased fame and gain his whole life. There was fanfare wherever he went, and you could say he had both fame and fortune. But however accomplished he was, when he fell ill and his life was in danger, that fame couldn’t save his life. That made me really see that however great a reputation someone had, it couldn’t prolong their life a single second. No matter how much money they had, that couldn’t buy health. I had been the same way. I had success and fame, but the torment of illness made me long for death. What use was a greater reputation? That couldn’t remotely alleviate my emotional emptiness and fleshly pain. Then I genuinely experienced that fame and fortune are like shooting stars, empty things that just flash by, bringing momentary enjoyment and satisfaction. But wasn’t I still an ordinary person even though I gained fame and fortune? I had to eat three meals a day to fill my belly, I needed a space to lie down. I faced my loneliness on my own, I withstood all my pain alone, I bore great fatigue by myself, and I handled my illness on my own. I was just like everyone else. Without faith, without coming before God and reading His words, we can’t understand His sovereignty and we can’t distinguish positive things from negative ones. All we can do is follow trends, those evil worldly trends, struggling forward step by step hobbled by the shackles of fame and fortune, toyed with, trampled on, and hurt by Satan. The deaths of my classmate and teacher were a warning to me. If I stayed on the path of chasing fame and fortune, I’d end up just like them. Realizing this, only then did I start to feel true fear. I prayed to God, ready to cast off the shackles of fame and fortune, have real faith, and take the path of pursuing the truth and submitting to God.

Later, I saw a passage of God’s words that made me resolute in my choice. Almighty God says: “Are you willing to enjoy My blessings on earth, blessings that are akin to those in heaven? Are you willing to treasure understanding of Me, enjoyment of My words, and knowledge of Me as the most valuable and meaningful things in your life? Are you truly able to fully submit to Me, without thought to your own prospects? Are you truly able to allow yourselves to be put to death by Me, and led by Me, like a sheep? Are there any among you capable of achieving such things? Could it be that all who are accepted by Me and receive My promises are the ones who gain My blessings? Have you understood anything from these words? If I test you, can you truly put yourselves at My mercy, and, in the midst of these trials, search for My intentions and perceive My heart? I do not wish for you to be able to speak many touching words, or tell many exciting stories; rather, I ask that you are able to bear fine testimony to Me, and that you can fully and deeply enter into reality. If I did not speak directly, could you forsake everything around you and allow yourself to be used by Me? Is this not the reality that I require? Who is able to grasp the meaning in My words? Yet I ask that you no longer be weighed down by misgivings, that you be proactive in your entry and grasp the essence of My words. This will prevent you from misunderstanding My words, and from being unclear as to My meaning, and thus violating My administrative decrees. I hope that you grasp My intentions for you in My words. Think no more of your own prospects, and act as you have resolved before Me to submit to God’s orchestrations in all things. All of those who stand within My household should do as much as they possibly can; you should offer the best of yourself to the last section of My work on earth. Are you truly willing to put such things into practice?(The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 4). After reading God’s words, I was so moved my tears came gushing out. I could feel God right by my side, like I was face to face with Him, and He was asking me if I was ready to hand everything over to Him and accept His arrangements and submit to Him. I thought of Peter. His lifelong pursuit was to love and satisfy God, and ultimately, he was submissive to God until death, loving God to the utmost. He was crucified upside down for God’s sake, becoming a resounding witness and living a life of meaning. I thought of the past, when I heard that meaningless thing my classmate said. I sacrificed my youth and my health, desperately chasing fame, fortune, and status for others’ admiration, making my life utterly miserable. God plucked me out of the sea of people, and then saved me from the brink of death. I was so lucky to come before God and hear His voice, personally accepting His watering and shepherding. This was God’s incredible salvation for me. In the last days, God has expressed so many truths, in order to cleanse and save us humans, so we can cast off satanic dispositions, be fully free from the constraints of Satan’s influence, and no longer be harmed by Satan’s corruption, before ultimately taking us into His kingdom. I couldn’t miss this once-in-a-lifetime chance for God to save and perfect man, and I especially couldn’t let God down for His painstaking effort. I had to have real faith and pursue the truth. At this thought, I told God in my heart, “God, I’m ready! Even if I’m left with nothing in my old age, no fame or fortune, I still want to submit to Your arrangements, to be someone who heeds Your words and submits to You, and who does the duty of a created being.”

After that I handed the business over to my son to manage and I finally thoroughly said goodbye to my old life. I recovered my health. Before long, I took on a duty in the church, and began to experience people and matters that God had arranged. I now focus on pursuing the truth and learning lessons, and I feel a kind of peace I’ve never experienced before. Thank God!

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Next: 87. I Finally Found the Path to Purification

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