By Chen Xinjie, China

One day around 11 a.m. in the summer of 2006, I was at my host’s home listening to some hymns of God’s words when the police suddenly burst into the room, and took me, my host Sister Zhao Guilan, and her 6-year-old daughter to the police station.

As soon as we entered the station, some female officers forcibly stripped off our clothes. When nothing but my underwear was left, I instinctively tried to avoid them so they couldn’t take anything more off. A female officer stormed over, ripped off all of my underclothing, squeezed it very carefully, and then ripped it apart in her inspection. After their full-body search was done, we were taken into an office. There the police officers were paging through a small notebook they had found on me. Seeing there were a lot of phone numbers written in it, they figured that I was probably a leader, so they said they would report my case up to the Provincial Public Security Office. A section chief named Zhu asked me, “When did you start believing in Almighty God? What’s your role in the church?” I didn’t say anything at all, so he angrily grabbed me hard by the jaw and lifted my head—he was squeezing so tightly that I couldn’t move at all. He smiled obscenely and said, “You’re not bad looking, and you’re nice and young. You could do anything, but you want to believe in God!” The other officers there were off to the side sniggering. I was revolted and outraged. I was thinking, “What sort of ‘People’s Police’ is this? They’re a pack of thugs, animals!” Chief Zhu asked me over and over again about my personal information and who the leader of the church was. When I wouldn’t tell them anything, one of the officers started hitting me really hard. I got dizzy and my vision was blurring from the beating; I kept falling down, and he kept dragging me back up to go on hitting me. While doing so, he yelled, “The Central Government decreed a long time ago that killing you people isn’t a crime, it doesn’t matter if we beat you to death! If you die, we can just take you out to the hills and bury you. No one will know!” Seeing how fiendish and terribly evil he looked put me in a state of panic and fear—I was afraid they really would beat me to death. I was crying out to God in my heart endlessly, asking for Him to watch over my heart. At that point something from God’s words came to my mind: “Those in power may seem vicious from the outside, but do not be afraid, for this is because you have little faith. As long as your faith grows, nothing will be too difficult” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 75). That’s very true. God has power over everything, so no matter how vicious and brutal the police were, they were in God’s hands too. If God didn’t allow me to die, even Satan could not take away my life. Even if the police really did beat me to death, my soul would still be in God’s hands. God’s words gave me faith and strength, and I was able to slowly calm down.

Failing to get the answer he wanted, Chief Zhu yelled furiously, “I can see you’d rather do things the hard way. I’ll pry that mouth of yours open today. No one gets past me—I’ve strung up two other people till they died just in the past two days.” Then a couple of officers came over, cuffed my hands, and suspended me from an iron gate with my feet dangling off the ground, and my whole bodyweight resting on my wrists. They dragged Guilan over after that. Her entire face was swollen from being hit and her hair was a complete mess. The police hung her from the iron gate, too. Chief Zhu gave a wicked grin when he saw our looks of pain and said, “Enjoy yourselves,” then turned around and walked out. As time went on, the pressure on my wrists from being handcuffed that way became increasingly painful and it felt like my arms were being torn from their sockets. It was a splitting pain that left me in a full-body sweat. It wasn’t long before my clothing was entirely soaked through. In an effort to alleviate the pain, I clenched my fists and did my best to put my heels against the iron gate’s bars, but I just kept sliding down. My heart was palpitating and I was struggling to breathe. I felt like I was about to suffocate. Thinking about Chief Zhu saying that he’d hung two people up until they’d died in the past couple of days was frightening for me; I was worried I really would die there. I kept praying to God, “Oh God, I almost can’t take this anymore. I can’t hold out much longer—please save me….” After my prayer, I remembered a hymn of God’s words titled “Seek to Love God No Matter How Great Your Suffering.” God says: “During these last days you must bear testimony to God. No matter how great your suffering, you should walk until the very end, and even at your last breath, still you must be faithful to God and at the mercy of God; only this is truly loving God, and only this is the strong and resounding testimony” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only by Experiencing Painful Trials Can You Know the Loveliness of God). God’s words immediately gave me faith and strength. My life and death were in God’s hands, and I wouldn’t die unless God allowed it. And even if I had just one breath remaining, I had to be devoted to God and stand firm in my witness for Him. And so, I kept praying and leaning on God, and before I knew it, I was able to slowly calm down and I was in a lot less pain. Turning my head, I saw a very resolute expression on Guilan’s face, and I gave silent thanks to God. I knew that we’d made it that far entirely because of the strength and faith given to us by God.

The police let us down around 4 a.m. Our hands and feet were numb, without any feeling, so we just collapsed on the floor, barely alive. Seeing the pain we were in, Chief Zhu asked me, very pleased with himself, “Have you given it some thought? Hanging by those handcuffs doesn’t feel so good, does it?” I ignored him. He was looking very sure of himself, assuming I couldn’t tolerate the torture and was sure to sell out my brothers and sisters. But he didn’t know that the more they persecuted us, the more clearly I could see how evil and barbaric they were, the more clearly I could see the Communist Party for the anti-God demon it is, and the more resolute I became in my belief that I must stand firm in my testimony and humiliate Satan. Their interrogation continued until the following afternoon. Then Chief Zhu took a call, and I heard him say, “Nothing works with this woman—not the carrot or the stick. I’ve been handling cases for decades, but I’ve never had one this tough!” After hanging up, he started cursing at me, “You believers in Almighty God are tougher than nails! I refuse to believe I can’t get your mouth open. We’re taking you somewhere else today, you won’t have it so easy over there. I’ve got ways of making you talk!” After that, he and another officer went into the room next door. I very faintly heard him say, “Take her to the snake pit and toss her in naked. That’ll get her talking!” Hearing the words “snake pit” startled me, I was terrified. The thought of snakes slithering everywhere gave me goosebumps all over my body, so I quickly prayed to God, asking Him to give me courage so I’d never be a Judas and betray Him, even if they did toss me into a pit of snakes. After praying I remembered Daniel being tossed into the lions’ den; they didn’t bite him, because God didn’t allow it. Wasn’t I also completely in God’s hands? These thoughts allowed me to slowly calm down. Later, Chief Zhu took a call, said he had an urgent case to handle, and then rushed off with another officer in tow. The moment he left, the officer who was left keeping an eye on me got a call from his family saying something had happened to his son, and he was in critical condition. He handcuffed me to the iron chair and then left in a rush. I knew without a doubt that God had heard my prayer and opened up a way out for me. I said another prayer: “God, I’ve seen Your wondrous deeds, and I give You thanks!”

Seeing that the interrogation yielded no results, the police were so angry that they wouldn’t let me sleep. I was really sleepy, but the moment I closed my eyes, a cop would grab my shoulders and jostle them really hard, all the while shouting, “You want some sleep? You want some sleep?” They kept scaring me over and over like that and didn’t allow me to sleep. The police tortured me for four days and four nights, and didn’t allow me any food, water, or sleep. I was incredibly weakened by the torture, I had stabbing pains in my stomach, I was struggling to breathe, and my body was extremely exhausted. But no matter how they interrogated me, I didn’t tell them a thing. When Chief Zhu saw that none of their techniques were working, he slammed the door and left in anger. When he came back, he was carrying three or four pieces of paper that were covered in writing. He smacked them down on a table and ordered me to sign the confession and leave a thumbprint. I said, “I didn’t say any of this, so I’m not signing.” He gave the other officers a signal, and several of them rushed over, some pulled at my arms, and some squeezed my wrists really tight, making me open my fists, and then forced my entire palmprint onto that fake confession. Chief Zhu picked it up and said, very pleased, “Humph! Still trying to fight me? You think you can get away with not saying anything? I can still get you convicted and sentenced to eight to ten years!”

That evening the police took me to an abandoned factory and ordered me to take off my shoes and socks, so I was left barefoot. Then two stood next to me, each holding an arm, and took me through a dark corridor that just got darker the farther in we went. My hair was standing on end. They took me past three iron gates and then tossed me into a room. I saw a man in a corner tied up with heavy chains, his hands and feet were splayed out, spread-eagled, and he was moaning weakly. There were lots of those thick chains hanging from the wall, and there were electric batons and iron bars. I felt like I’d fallen down into hell. I was terrified and felt like this time I was sure to die in there. I prayed to God over and over. Then an officer said threateningly, “If you hurry, there’s still time for you to confess. Are you going to talk, or not?” I said, “I haven’t broken any laws. I have nothing to confess.” He sneered coldly, waved a hand, and then two other male officers leapt toward me like wolves, and quickly pressed me down onto the floor. I struggled furiously, but they kneeled firmly down on my legs and ripped off my shirt and pants while I desperately tried to resist. They tore all of my clothing, and finally left me lying face down and naked on the floor. After that, they kneeled on my thighs really hard and twisted my arms behind my back so that I couldn’t move. Another officer got an electric baton and started shocking me like mad all over my waist, back and buttocks. Every shock left me swollen and numb, and the pain felt like it was drilling straight into my bones. I was shaking uncontrollably all over and my feet were thrashing against the ground. The more I struggled, the tighter they held me. One officer took advantage of the situation to grope my buttocks while laughing madly, and saying some vulgar things. Another officer yelled while administering electric shocks, “Are you going to talk, or what? I bet I can make you!” After electrocuting me five or six times, they turned me over, kneeled hard on my thighs again, and kept on shocking me in the chest, stomach, and groin. When they shocked me in the midsection it felt like my stomach and intestines were all being churned together—it was extremely painful. When shocking my chest, I felt my heart contract and I struggled to breathe. I felt like a handful of sharp nails were suddenly being plunged into my flesh when they shocked me in the groin, and I lost my breath. Words simply cannot describe that kind of pain.

I fainted after that. I don’t know how much time passed before they splashed me with cold water to wake me up, then continued shocking me. One of the officers even pinched my nipples, pulled up and then pushed down on them hard, doing this over and over for four or five minutes. I felt like my nipples were going to be twisted off—it was a really sharp pain. Another officer was shocking me in the breasts at the same time. With every shock, I felt like the flesh of my breasts was being peeled off, like my heart was going to stop beating. I was sweating all over and couldn’t stop shaking. They kept on shocking me, toying with me, all the while saying revolting things. I felt like they were the evil spirits and devils in hell who specialize in torturing people for their own entertainment. Later, I was in so much pain that I ended up losing control of my bladder, and then fainted again. Some time passed, I don’t know how long, before they woke me up with cold water again and kept shocking me in the chest, stomach, and groin. I felt like my flesh was being burned by all those shocks. One of the officers yelled while zapping me, “Where’s your God now? Get Him to come save you! I’m your god!”

I fainted from the shocks over and over, and they splashed me to wake me up time and again. Finally, I didn’t even have the strength left to struggle or move at all. I lay on the floor half-dead, feeling incredible sadness, anger and pain. I had no idea how much longer they were going to torment and abuse me. I truly couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted to bite my own tongue off and kill myself to escape this misery sooner. Just when I was on the verge of collapse, I thought of this hymn: “Satan’s ravaged me beyond belief. I’ve seen the devil’s face. I can’t forget eons of hatred. Best to die than bow down to Satan! God’s become flesh just to save man, suffering torment and humiliation. I’ve enjoyed so much of God’s love, how could I rest without repaying it? As a human being, I must rise up, and give my life in witness to God. My body may break, yet my heart grows stronger. I will be loyal to God until death without any regrets. I’ll submit even till death, if I can satisfy God just once.” I thought of how God has become flesh and endured great humiliation just to save mankind, how He shares His words to water and sustain us. God has paid so much of a price for our sakes, and He had always been there guiding and protecting me since my arrest. I had enjoyed so much of God’s grace, but what had I ever done for Him? Saints through the ages have been able to sacrifice themselves and shed their own blood, being martyred for God, but after experiencing a bit of suffering I already wanted to escape it through death. I was such a coward! How was this testimony to God? Wasn’t I letting Satan laugh at me? At this thought, I silently prayed, “God, no matter how Satan tortures me, I’ll never give in to it. I will live for You.”

They kept shocking me over and over after that, and I kept my teeth gritted and didn’t make a sound. After I passed out from being electrocuted for the last time, I found myself standing in a place where I could see a mountain shaped like the beak of an eagle in the distance, surrounded by withered trees, and dry and dead bamboo, flowers, and grass. Only the mountain was green. There were lots of people with dry, cracked lips climbing toward the mountain and some died of thirst on the way. I was also terribly parched, and when I got to the foot of the mountain, I heard the sound of water coming from it. I rushed to start climbing it and after struggling to get halfway up, I was able to lift my head and drink the water that was dripping down from the eagle’s beak. It tasted so sweet! As I was drinking, I heard singing. I turned my head and saw two rows of people dressed all in white who were singing a hymn; they looked like angels. These were the words of the song: “The utmost faith and love are required from us in the work of the last days. We may stumble from the slightest carelessness, for this stage of work is different from all the previous ones: What God is perfecting is mankind’s faith, which is both invisible and intangible. What God does is convert words to faith, to love, and to life. People must reach a point where they have endured hundreds of refinements and possess faith greater than Job’s. They must endure incredible suffering and all manner of torture without ever leaving God. When they are submissive unto death, and have great faith in God, then this stage of God’s work is complete” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Path … (8)). The sound of the song was echoing in the valley—it was clear, melodious and beautiful. Listening to it was so enjoyable and inspiring for me. Then, I suddenly woke up. I was still in a lot of pain, but I felt peace in my heart. I saw an officer resting on a chair, exhausted and breathing heavily. Another officer said, “I’m impressed. This woman is made of iron—nothing can kill her.” I offered up my thanks and praise to God when I heard this. It was God enlightening and guiding me, allowing me to see this vision, giving me strength, and guiding me through this difficult time. My faith in God grew. Later on, one of the officers tossed my shirt and pants over to me and left, dejected. I had been weakened by the electric shocks and was in too much pain to sit up. With a great deal of effort, I was able to get my clothing on while lying on the floor, but my underwear was nowhere to be seen and they had torn my clothing. I could barely cover myself with it. I felt like I’d had a layer of skin taken off by the electrocution, and my clothing stuck painfully to my flesh. The wounds I’d gotten from being shocked took over a year to heal, and I was left with residual symptoms from it. Ever since that time, I often experience involuntary, full-body spasms, an inability to open my jaw and tightening of my whole body. If it happens at night, I can’t sleep well, and the next day I’m left exhausted and devoid of energy.

On the fifth day of my arrest, the police took me to a detention house. After five days without eating or drinking, my throat was too dry for me to swallow. The other prisoners brought me a mound of cold, dry rice, pried my mouth open with chopsticks and forced it into my mouth, yelling, “Hurry up and swallow it, just see what happens if you don’t!” It felt like swallowing nails—my throat hurt so much that tears ran down my face. That sort of humiliation and bullying was routine in there. One day the head prisoner got a pair of scissors from somewhere, pinned me down on a stool, and asked a few other prisoners what sort of haircut I should get. One of them said, “She’s religious, so give her a witch’s haircut!” The head prisoner cut off my braids right away, and the others burst out laughing at the excitement of seeing my hair in such a mess. One of them said, “Give her a nun’s hairdo!” The head prisoner cut off a large portion of my hair so that the scalp was showing, and the others burst into laughter again. This humiliation was awful for me, and I couldn’t hold back my tears. I was unable to lift my arms and legs after being hung up by those handcuffs and electrocuted, and trying to walk really hurt my legs. But I still had to do daily exercises with all the others, lifting my legs up high and setting them down really hard, and making loud sounds. These movements were really painful every time. I was weak all over and devoid of strength and couldn’t keep up with the rhythm, so the head prisoner would pinch my body, leaving bruises. It was particularly uncomfortable during my period. There wasn’t any toilet paper, I didn’t have any underwear, and the head prisoner had only given me one prison uniform, so my pants were stained with blood and I couldn’t change them. The uniform fabric was also really coarse, so it became hard after the blood dried on it. The wounds where I’d been shocked on my groin hadn’t healed, so walking really hurt and every time we did exercises, the uniform would chafe on those wounds, which felt like being cut by a knife. The worst part was that without toilet paper, I had no choice but to use cold water to clean myself. I’d had a hemorrhaging condition before becoming a believer, and I was worried that it would recur because of the cold water. During those days, I felt like I really wouldn’t make it. I didn’t know when it would all be over, and I didn’t want to stay another moment in that prison of demons. When my misery reached a certain point, I thought of death again. Realizing that my heart was straying from God, I said a prayer, asking God to guide me to overcome my situation. Then, one day, I remembered this passage of God’s words: “When you face suffering, you must be able to lay aside concern for the flesh and to not make complaints against God. When God hides Himself from you, you must be able to have the faith to follow Him, to maintain your previous love without allowing it to falter or dissipate. No matter what God does, you must submit to His design and be prepared to curse your own flesh rather than make complaints against Him. When you are faced with trials, you must satisfy God, though you may weep bitterly or feel reluctant to part with some beloved object. Only this is true love and faith” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Those Who Are to Be Made Perfect Must Undergo Refinement). Through God’s words, I understood that He was allowing me to experience the great red dragon’s persecution to test me, to see if I had true faith in Him. It made me think of Job and Peter. Job was attacked and tortured by Satan—he broke out in boils all over his body, making him terribly miserable, and he sat in a pile of ashes scraping his body with potsherds. Still, he didn’t blame God, but praised His name. Peter was crucified upside-down for God and was able to submit until death, giving a resounding testimony. Both of them bore witness to God in the midst of their suffering. Compared to them, I truly had too little faith. The more I thought about it, the more ashamed I felt, so I said a silent prayer: “Oh God, no matter the suffering, I want to follow You! The more the great red dragon tortures me, the more I want to lean on You and stand firm in my testimony and humiliate Satan!”

Then one day the police called my husband in. Seeing I’d been tortured to the point that I hardly even looked human, he started crying right there and said, “How can you stand this kind of torment? Chief Zhu has said that if you just tell them what you know, we can go home.” Seeing I still wouldn’t talk, Chief Zhu then called my daughter. She said, in tears, “Mom, where are you? The teachers and other kids at school are all saying that I’m the daughter of a cult leader. They’re all bullying me and ignoring me. I hide in the corner of the classroom every day, crying….” I pushed the phone away from my ear, truly unable to listen any further. It felt like a knife twisting in my heart and I couldn’t stop crying. Chief Zhu used this opportunity to say, “Just talk to us. Tell us one home that’s storing the church’s money, just one, and you can be reunited with your family.” I was feeling kind of weak at the moment. I thought that if I never said anything, my husband and daughter would be implicated too, so maybe I could share some information that wasn’t too important. Then I realized that this wasn’t in keeping with God’s intention, so I quickly said a prayer, asking for God to watch over my heart so I could triumph over this temptation from Satan. Then I thought of something God said: “At all times, My people should be on guard against the cunning schemes of Satan, guarding the gate of My house for Me … so as to avoid falling into Satan’s trap, at which time it would be too late for regrets” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 3). The enlightenment of God’s words came just in time. I suddenly realized that Satan was trying to use my love for my family to attack me, to get me to betray God. I couldn’t fall for its trick—I couldn’t sell out the brothers and sisters for my family. And then I remembered something else from God’s words: “You must suffer hardship for the truth, you must give yourself to the truth, you must endure humiliation for the truth, and to gain more of the truth you must undergo more suffering. This is what you should do. You must not throw away the truth for the sake of a peaceful family life, and you must not lose your life’s dignity and integrity for the sake of momentary enjoyment. You should pursue all that is beautiful and good, and you should pursue a path in life that is more meaningful” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). When I pondered God’s words, I felt a great deal of guilt and self-remorse. I thought of Job being tempted by Satan, losing his children and all of his possessions, and how he still didn’t blame God. He maintained his faith in God and bore a wonderful and resounding witness to Him. But faced with the police’s temptations, I had been willing to sell out the brothers and sisters and betray God to protect my family’s interests. I was really lacking a conscience; I was so selfish and despicable, and hurtful to God. Every time I was in distress, God was there guiding and protecting me, giving me faith and strength with His words. His love for me is very real, and now that it was time for me to make a choice, I couldn’t sell out the other church members for my husband and daughter. Everyone’s fate in life is predestined by God, and my husband’s and daughter’s fates were in God’s hands, Satan doesn’t get to decide them. I knew I should entrust everything to God. When I thought about it that way, what my family was facing was no longer upsetting for me, and I felt determined to rebel against the flesh and to stand firm in my witness for God.

On the 28th day of my arrest, the police sent me and Guilan into a detention center, locking us up with prostitutes who had contracted sexually transmitted infections. That was a cell that even the police didn’t want to come near. Some of the prisoners had sores all over their bodies and their skin was rotting off, and some had ulcers festering on their genitals that were unbearably painful for them; they covered themselves with filthy bedsheets, and bounced up and down on the concrete beds. There wasn’t any medication available, so all they could do was use salt and toothpaste to alleviate the pain. Some of the underwear they had washed and laid outside to dry even had crabs crawling in and out of the seams. I thought to myself, “This is no place for humans; it is a pit of disease! How can I go on living if I get some sort of sexual disease, or AIDS while I am here?” Feeling kind of afraid, I prayed to God, asking Him to protect me and guide me. I thought of something He said after that: “Of everything that occurs in the universe, there is nothing in which I do not have the final say. Is there anything that is not in My hands?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 1). Yes, all things are in God’s hands, and if He didn’t allow it, I wouldn’t contract any infections while living with these women; if I really did get infected, it would be something I needed to experience. These thoughts quelled my fear and I became able to calmly face the situation. For the next six months, although I was sleeping and eating alongside those other prisoners, I didn’t get any infections thanks to God’s protection.

While in the detention center, the police assigned a couple of spies to worm their way close to me and obtain information on the church. Not long after being put into the detention center, another prisoner started trying to ingratiate herself with me, saying she also wanted to be a believer, and that she really admired those who are leaders or workers in the church before asking me if I was a leader. At that point my guard went up immediately and I hurried to change the subject. After that, every time she brought up something about belief in God I would shift the conversation, so she didn’t get anything out of me. It wasn’t long before she left the detention center. A little while after that, when I was passing the men’s cells one day, one of the male prisoners threw me a piece of paper. It said he had been arrested for sharing the gospel and was sentenced to 1.5 years. He also said that he hoped we could help each other out, and he wanted me to respond to his letter. I was wondering if he really was a believer. As I was hesitating about whether to respond to his letter or not, something from God’s words suddenly came to mind: “You must be awake and waiting at all times, and you must pray before Me more. You must recognize the various plots and cunning schemes of Satan, recognize the spirits, know people, and be able to discern all kinds of people, events, and things” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 17). God’s words were an immediate wake-up call for me. Could this be one of Satan’s schemes? At the time I really wasn’t able to see through it, so I prayed to God over and over, asking Him to reveal it. About a week later when all the prisoners were gathered in the courtyard, I happened to see that man. Seeing his head wasn’t shaved was confusing for me—all male prisoners have to shave their heads when they’re sentenced, so why did he still have his hair? Just as I was pondering this, a female prisoner next to me tapped me and pointed at him, and said in a very pleased tone, “That guy is a police official, he paid for my services a while back.” I realized right away that he was a cop, and he was trying to get close to me to get a confession out of me. I saw that the great red dragon really does have all sorts of schemes—it is so vile and detestable! I gave thanks to God in my heart for His protection, which had allowed me to see through Satan’s tricks time after time, and stopped me from falling for them.

In January 2007, the police sent me to a labor camp with Guilan and three others who had been convicted of drug offenses. I will never forget the humiliation I experienced that day. When we arrived, it happened to be midday and some light snow was falling; hundreds of other prisoners were in the courtyard of the labor camp lining up for a meal. The police officers walked over to us with a dark look on their faces and told the drug offenders to go get some food, leaving just Guilan and me there. They then ordered us to remove all of our clothing. I wondered if they were going to search us, with all those other prisoners there watching. When I wouldn’t take off my clothing, a couple of officers pounced on us and forcibly removed all the clothing off both me and Guilan. For me, being stripped completely naked in front of all those people was even worse than if they had just killed me. Row after row of eyes were all fixed on us, and I kept my head down, hugged my chest, and squatted down. An officer dragged me back up and yelled at me to put my hands behind my head, stand with my legs apart, face all the prisoners, and do squats. Guilan had to do the same thing, and I could see that her entire body was trembling. She had already gotten so thin she was just skin and bones, and she had some scars on her body—she must have been tortured a lot too. The police pointed at us and shouted to the others, “These two believe in Almighty God. If any of you become believers, you’ll end up just like them!” This set off lots of discussion among the prisoners, and some of them said mockingly, “Why doesn’t your God come save you?” We had to keep doing squats in front of hundreds of people like this for about 10 minutes. I’d never suffered such humiliation before, and I couldn’t stop crying. If there had been a wall there, I would have wanted to smash my head against it to end my life. Then I remembered one of the church hymns: “Satan the demon king is utterly cruel, truly shameless and despicable. I see clearly Satan’s demonic countenance, and my heart loves Christ even more. I will never drag out an ignoble existence by bending the knee to Satan and betray God. I will suffer through all hardships and pain, and endure through the darkest of nights. To bring God’s heart comfort, I will bear victorious witness” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs, Rising Up Amidst Darkness and Oppression). Thinking over these hymn lyrics, I thought of the Lord Jesus being crucified—the Roman soldiers beat Him, humiliated Him, and spit on His face. God is holy, so He shouldn’t endure that kind of suffering, but He bore the ultimate pain and humiliation to save humanity, and was finally nailed to the cross for us. He withstood incredible indignity and suffering. But as a corrupt human being, I wanted to die when I was humiliated and I didn’t have any testimony. I was being humiliated by demons and Satan for following God—this was persecution for the sake of righteousness, and was a thing of glory! The more the Communist Party humiliated and persecuted me, the more I could see how despicable and vile it is, and the more I could reject and rebel against it, and keep my resolve to stand firm in my witness for God.

After that a couple of prison guards brought us over to stand by a staircase, and at that time two other prisoners rushed down and started punching and kicking us, grabbed me by the hair and slammed my head into the wall, leaving my ears ringing. Pretty soon I couldn’t hear anything and I felt like my head had been split open. Guilan was bleeding from the eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. After the beating, the prisoners dragged us out to a balcony to make us stand still there as a punishment. It was snowing heavily then, there was a cold wind blowing, and nighttime temperatures were dropping to seven or eight degrees below freezing. We were only wearing long underwear, so we were shivering with the cold. When it got to the point that I really couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to change my posture, I slightly shifted my feet, and the prisoners came over as though they were about to hit me. The next day, my whole body was in pain from the cold and it felt like my heart was about to give out. There were also sharp pains in my feet. That feeling was worse than death itself, and every single minute was difficult to endure. When the pain got to a certain extreme, I really wanted to jump off the balcony and end my life. But then I immediately realized that thinking like that was not in accordance with God’s intention, so I rushed to call out to Him, “God, I almost can’t hold on any longer. I really can’t take it anymore—please give me faith so that I can withstand this suffering.” After my prayer, I thought of a hymn of God’s words titled “Seek to Love God No Matter How Great Your Suffering”: “During these last days you must bear testimony to God. No matter how great your suffering, you should walk until the very end, and even at your last breath, still you must be faithful to God and at the mercy of God; only this is truly loving God, and only this is the strong and resounding testimony” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only by Experiencing Painful Trials Can You Know the Loveliness of God). I realized that God was always guiding me, caring for me, and watching over me. When I thought about the torment and humiliation I’d experienced, I realized that if it hadn’t been for God’s guidance or the faith and strength given to me by His words, I couldn’t have gotten through the abuse of those demons. God had shown me how to live to that day, and He hoped that I could bear witness for Him before Satan. But now, in order to save myself a little physical hardship, I wanted to end my life. I was so weak. How was this testimony to God? Wouldn’t dying mean that I’d fallen prey to Satan’s schemes? I couldn’t die, I had to stand firm in my testimony and bring shame to Satan. When I thought about it that way, before I knew it, I didn’t feel cold anymore, and was warm all over.

The head prisoner didn’t allow us to stop standing until the afternoon of the third day. Both Guilan’s and my legs were incredibly swollen and it felt like the blood had solidified in them. Blood vessels were visible all over our legs and our feet were really painful, but I still gave thanks to God. In the cold, snowy weather, Guilan and I had been standing on the balcony for two days and two nights without anything to eat or drink, but we didn’t freeze to death or even catch a cold. This was God’s protection.

During my time in the labor camp, every day I had to withstand over a dozen hours, or even up to 22 hours of hard labor, and I was often beaten and punished by the head prisoner because I failed to complete my tasks. But God continued to enlighten and guide me, allowing me to get through a year and a half of hellish prison life. God was by my side the entire time, watching over and protecting me. I was tortured and humiliated many times, to the point that I wanted to end my life, and it was God’s words that gave me faith and strength, guiding me through every storm. God has given me this life! By experiencing the great red dragon’s oppression I have learned that the only thing we can truly rely on is God; only He really loves mankind, and only He can save us from Satan’s corruption and devastation, and lead us to live in the light. I give thanks to God!