By Ye Qiu, China

In June 2022, I was elected to be the watering deacon and was watering newcomers together with Sister Cheng Lin. Having just accepted God’s work of the last days, the new believers still had a lot of religious notions. I was afraid my fellowship would be unclear and their problems wouldn’t be solved, so I asked the leader beforehand to find some passages of God’s words with me about their notions. On the day of the gathering, as I fellowshipped on the words of God I’d prepared in advance about the new believers’ notions, their notions were resolved. When we were about to wrap up, Cheng Lin asked me, “Your responses to the newcomers’ questions were really detailed today. Did you fellowship with the leader in advance?” Hearing this, my mind started racing. Since I was new to that duty, did she suspect today’s performance didn’t reflect my true level? If I told her that I’d gotten most of my fellowship from the leader, would she still look up to me? Wouldn’t she think that I had poor work capability? I thought to myself that I couldn’t tell her the truth. So, I said, “No.” As soon as I said that, I felt like I’d gone against my conscience. Clearly, the leader and I had already fellowshipped on this, but I looked her in the eye and said no. Wasn’t I knowingly lying? If the leader came by someday and Cheng Lin asked about it, my lie would be exposed—how humiliating! Everyone would say to me that I was really deceitful. I felt more uneasy the more I thought about it. That night I lay in bed, sleeping fitfully. The next day I went to find Cheng Lin, ready to open up and lay bare myself to her, but the words got to the tip of my tongue, and I just couldn’t get them out. I was afraid that Cheng Lin would look down on me if I told her, and think I had poor work capability, overly focused on reputation and status. She might say I was truly deceitful to lie over such a small thing. I didn’t say anything after considering all that. I thought of God’s words on the way home: “You ought to know that God likes those who are honest” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Three Admonitions). I felt even guiltier. I couldn’t say just one honest thing. How could I be an honest person that God likes? I felt like a great weight was crushing my heart—I felt awful. I asked myself: I know very well that God hates deceitful liars, so why is it so hard to tell the truth?

While reflecting, it occurred to me that I hadn’t just lied about one thing. I was often the same way with other things. Once, the leader asked us how many newcomers we could water each month. I was new to the duty and didn’t fully understand the principles for it, so I couldn’t take on very many. But if I told the truth, I was afraid the leader would say I was lacking, and wasn’t up to the job. So, I inflated my number a little bit. My number was high enough, but I still wasn’t at ease. I was afraid that later, it would be so embarrassing if I couldn’t water that many newcomers, delaying their life entry. But I’d already said it, and I was embarrassed to be open with the leader. I had to bite the bullet and keep on going. And a few days before, the leader asked me how long it had taken me to resolve a newcomer’s problem. I hadn’t fully understood that newcomer’s notion at first, so I’d fellowshipped quite a few times. When the leader asked about it, I was afraid if I told the truth, the leader would say I was lacking caliber, and that I had poor work capability since it took several fellowships to resolve such a small issue. To protect my image, I lied and said it was resolved with one fellowship. I felt unsettled afterward, afraid that one day I would be revealed. Looking back on my behavior, I saw I lied a lot in my efforts to protect my image and give people a good impression. I was living in darkness and pain, so far from God’s standards of being an honest person. I thought about how the brothers and sisters were all practicing being honest people and resolving their deceitful natures. Some had even written experiential testimony articles. But after years in the faith, I was still lying so much, totally lacking in honesty. If I kept on that way in my faith, I was sure to be eliminated by God. I quickly said a prayer, “God, I’ve believed in You for years. Even now, I still lie and cheat when my interests are involved, which disgusts You. I don’t want to continue this way. Please guide me to resolve my lying problem.”

There was a passage I read in my spiritual devotion: “In their everyday lives, people often say pointless things, tell lies, and say things that are ignorant, foolish, and defensive. Most of these things are said for the sake of vanity and pride, to satisfy their own egos. Speaking such falsehoods is a revelation of corrupt dispositions. If you resolve these corrupt elements, your heart will be purified, and you will gradually become purer and more honest. In reality, people all know why they lie. It is all for the sake of personal gain, for vanity and pride, and for reputation and status, that they try to compete with others and pass themselves off as something that they’re not. However, their lies are eventually revealed and exposed by others, and they end up losing face, as well as their dignity and integrity. This is all caused by an excessive amount of lies. Your lies are too numerous. Every word you say is adulterated and false, and not a single one can be considered true or honest. Even though you feel that you avoid losing face when you tell lies, deep down, you feel disgraced. Your conscience reproaches you, and internally you feel contempt and disdain for yourself, thinking, ‘Why am I living such a pitiful life? Is it so difficult to speak the truth? Must I resort to lies for the sake of my pride? Why is my life so exhausting?’ You don’t have to live such an exhausting life. If you can practice being an honest person, you will be able to live a relaxed, free, and liberated life. However, you have chosen the path of maintaining your pride and vanity by telling lies. Consequently, you live an exhausting and miserable existence. This is all self-inflicted. One may maintain their pride by telling lies, but what is that pride? It is just an empty thing, and it is completely worthless. Telling lies means betraying one’s integrity and dignity. It makes people forfeit their dignity and lose their integrity. God finds this displeasing and detestable. Is this worthwhile? It is not. Is this the correct path? (No, it is not.) People who frequently lie live according to their satanic dispositions; they live under Satan’s power. They do not live in the light, nor do they live in the presence of God. You constantly think about how to lie and then after you lie, you have to think about how to cover up that lie. And when you do not cover up the lie well enough, it will be exposed, and you will have to rack your brains to concoct more lies to patch it up. Is it not tiring to live in this way? It’s all too exhausting. And is it worth it? No, it is really not worth it. Racking one’s brain to tell lies and then to cover them up, all for the sake of pride, vanity, and status, what meaning is there in that? Finally, you reflect and think to yourself, ‘What’s the point? It’s too exhausting to tell lies and to have to cover them up. Conducting myself in this manner won’t work; it’d be easier if I just became an honest person.’ You want to become an honest person, but you cannot let go of your pride, vanity, and personal interests. You can only resort to telling lies, using falsehoods to preserve these things. … If you think that lies can maintain the reputation, status, vanity, and pride you desire, you are completely mistaken. In reality, by telling lies, not only do you fail to maintain your vanity and pride, and your dignity and integrity, but what’s even worse is that you miss the opportunity to practice the truth and be an honest person. Even if you manage to maintain your reputation, status, vanity, and pride at that moment, you have discarded the truth and betrayed God. This means you have completely lost your chance for Him to save and perfect you, which is the greatest loss and an eternal regret” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Being an Honest Person Can One Live Out True Human Likeness). All of God’s words described my actual state. I was always lying and deceiving to protect my vanity and pride. I was putting on a show, which was an exhausting way to live that left me miserable. When I first started watering new believers, Cheng Lin saw my fellowship was not bad and asked me if I’d fellowshipped with the leader in advance. That was a really normal question. I could have answered with a simple “Yes.” But I was afraid she’d look down on me if I told the truth. With my reputation in mind, I knowingly told a lie. Also, when the leader asked us how many newcomers we could water, I didn’t answer based on my actual stature. I was afraid the leader would say my work capability was lacking if I gave a low number, so I intentionally inflated it. Then I was worried I wouldn’t be able to handle it—doing my duty this way was so stressful and exhausting. I was that way with watering new believers, too. With my shallow understanding of the truth, I needed multiple fellowships to resolve the newcomer’s issue. But I was thinking about what the leader would think of me, so I said it only took me one fellowship. I’d lied and deceived time after time to protect my vanity and pride, so others would approve of me. I was so deceitful and hypocritical! I thought if I didn’t tell the truth, the others and the leader wouldn’t know my true skill level, and I could protect my image. But God scrutinizes all. I can fool other people, but never God. After a while, everyone would gain discernment over me. They’d see I was someone who lacked the truth reality and constantly lied. I actually felt terrible after telling a lie. I was afraid of the day my lie would be exposed and I’d be shown for what I was. Not only would I lose face, but the others definitely wouldn’t trust me anymore. Over the long term, the worrying and unease tormented me. It was exhausting. I was in darkness and pain. By continually lying and cheating, not practicing the truth or being an honest person, not only did my own life suffer losses, but I was living without any character or dignity, which God disgusts and hates. I thought of what the Lord Jesus said: “Let your communication be, Yes, yes; No, no: for whatever is more than these comes of evil” (Matthew 5:37). “You are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father you will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and stayed not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it” (John 8:44). God likes honest people and hates the deceitful. I should have spoken and acted according to God’s words, calling a spade a spade. Yes means yes, and no means no. But I lied over and over again in order to protect my own image. How is that different from the devil, Satan? The devil always lies—it never has anything truthful to say. Even up to now I’ve also lied quite a bit. If I didn’t repent, I was sure to be eliminated by God. I’d been racking my brains for my lies and false fronts to protect my image and enjoy some immediate gains. But as a result, God was disgusted, people were repelled, and I was suffering. I was idiotic.

I kept on self-reflecting, and one day, I read something in God’s words: “When people engage in deceit, what is their underlying motive? What aim are they trying to achieve? Without exception, it is to achieve fame, gain, and status; in a nutshell, it is for the sake of their own interests. And what lies at the root of the pursuit of self-interests? It is that people see their own interests as being more important than everything else. They engage in deceit in order to benefit themselves, revealing their deceitful disposition. How should this problem be resolved? First you must discern and know what personal interests are, what exactly they can bring to people, and what the consequences of pursuing them are. If you can’t see this clearly, then forsaking them will be easier said than done. If people don’t understand the truth, then nothing is harder for them to give up than their own interests. That’s because their life philosophies are ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’ and ‘Man dies for wealth as birds do for food.’ Clearly, they live only for their own interests. People think that if they don’t have their own interests or if they lose them, they wouldn’t be able to survive, as if their survival depends on their own interests. So most people are blind to all but their own interests. They see their interests as being above all else, and live solely for their own interests. They won’t lift a finger unless there’s something in it for themselves, and asking them to give up their own interests is like asking them to give up their own lives” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). “Suppose a deceitful person is aware that they are deceitful, that they are fond of lying and dislike telling the truth, and that they’re always concealing things as they work with others, but they revel in this, thinking to themselves, ‘Living like this is great. I’m constantly toying with people, but they can’t do the same to me. I’m always satisfied as far as my own interests, pride, vanity, and status go. Things go according to my plans, flawlessly, seamlessly, and no one can see through them.’ Is that sort of person willing to be honest? They aren’t. Such a person believes deceitfulness and crookedness to be intelligence and wisdom, to be positive things. They particularly treasure these things and cannot bear to let go of them. ‘This is the perfect way to conduct oneself, and the only satisfying way to live,’ they think. ‘It’s the only valuable way to live, the only way to live that causes others to envy me and look up to me. It would be foolish and idiotic for me not to live by Satan’s philosophies. I’d always be losing out—getting bullied, discriminated against, and acting as a servant for others. There’s no value in living like that. I’ll never be an honest person!’ Will this kind of person betray their deceitful disposition and practice being honest? Absolutely not. … They have no love for positive things, they do not yearn for the light, and they do not love the Word of God or the truth. They like to follow worldly trends, they love fame, gain, and status, and they love standing out from the crowd. They worship fame, gain, and status, as well as famous people and great figures, but actually what they’re worshiping are demons and Satans. What they pursue at heart isn’t the truth or positive things; instead, they revere evil knowledge. In their heart, they do not approve of those who pursue the truth or those who bear witness to God; instead, they approve of and idolize those who have special talents and those with special gifts. They do not walk the path of believing in God and pursuing the truth; rather, they pursue fame, gain, status, and power; they pursue being a person of profound cunning who is able to win with brilliant stratagems; they seek to integrate themselves into the upper echelons of society to become great and renowned. They seek to be idolized and met with welcome on all occasions they attend; they seek to become an idol. That’s the kind of person they want to be. What sort of path is this? It is the path of demons, the path of evil. It is not the path taken by a believer in God. They use Satan’s philosophies, its logic, they use its every ploy, every ruse, in every setting, to con people out of their personal trust, making them worship and follow them. This is not the path that ought to be walked by people who believe in God, but the path walked by Satans and devils. Not only will this kind of person not be saved, but they will also meet with God’s punishment—of this there cannot be the slightest doubt” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. One Cannot Be Saved by Believing in Religion or Engaging in Religious Rituals). God’s words showed me why I was able to lie and act deceitfully over and over again, and why I never dared to open up and be an honest person. It’s because I have a deceitful nature. I was averse to the truth and didn’t love positive things. I hadn’t prioritized seeking to gain the truth, being someone who brings God joy. Instead, I valued satanic philosophies like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,” and “No great feats can be accomplished without telling lies,” as well as my own image and interests. When I was little, I had a relative who just had a middle school education, but said he was a college graduate. When he clearly didn’t have some skill, he’d talk himself up, saying he’d studied it in some prestigious college. When he lied and put on an act that way, not only did people not look down on him, but they looked up to him and admired him. I saw many similar instances growing up, and I was influenced by them. Without realizing it, in my heart I approved of those satanic approaches. I felt that sometimes a lie really could resolve a matter. Not only could you gain admiration, but you might get what you wanted. So I kept living by this view after coming to God’s house. If anything involved my image or interests, I couldn’t help but lie, cheat, and put on an act. Even when I felt guilty after lying, I still didn’t dare open up to everyone, afraid that if I were forthright, they would see right through me and think poorly of me. The thought of being embarrassed like that—you may as well kill me! I preferred living in darkness and misery over uttering a true word, becoming increasingly hypocritical and deceitful. The Chinese Communist Party is just like that. No matter how many scandalous, evil things it does, it never brings them into the light, but deludes the world with its lies. It puts on an image of being great, glorious, and correct to mislead people, to fool the common people. It’s so despicable and evil. Wasn’t my lying and deceit essentially the same as the Chinese Communist Party’s? It reminded me of God’s words: “What sort of path is this? It is the path of demons, the path of evil. It is not the path taken by a believer in God. They use Satan’s philosophies, its logic, they use its every ploy, every ruse, in every setting, to con people out of their personal trust, making them worship and follow them. This is not the path that ought to be walked by people who believe in God, but the path walked by Satans and devils. Not only will this kind of person not be saved, but they will also meet with God’s punishment—of this there cannot be the slightest doubt” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. One Cannot Be Saved by Believing in Religion or Engaging in Religious Rituals). God is faithful. God requires us to be honest people to gain His salvation in the end. But Satan uses all sorts of philosophies and fallacies to mislead and corrupt people, getting us to constantly lie and cheat for our own fame, gain and status, becoming more and more hypocritical and deceitful. Ultimately, we’ll descend into hell and be punished along with it. At that point, I clearly saw Satan’s cunning and vicious motive. I hated it from the bottom of my heart and was willing to pursue being an honest person.

I read something else in God’s words later: “That God requires people to be honest proves that He really loathes deceitful people and dislikes them. God’s dislike of deceitful people is a dislike of their way of doing things, their dispositions, and also their intents and their means of deception; God dislikes all of these things. If deceitful people are able to accept the truth, admit to their deceitful disposition, and are willing to accept God’s salvation and practice the truth to become honest people, then they too have a hope of being saved, for God does not show bias toward anyone, and neither does the truth. And so, if we wish to become people who are pleasing to God, first we must change our principles of self-conduct, stop living according to satanic philosophies, stop relying on lying and deception to live our lives, and cast off all our lies and try to be honest people. Then God’s view of us will change. Previously, people always relied on lies, deception, and pretense while living among others, and they conducted themselves by taking satanic philosophies as the basis of their existence, as their lives, and as their foundation. This was something that God loathed. Among nonbelievers, if you try to be an honest person and tell the truth, then you will be slandered, judged, and rejected. So you follow worldly trends and live by satanic philosophies; you become more and more skilled at lying, and more and more deceitful. You also use insidious means to achieve your goals and thus protect yourself. You become more and more prosperous in Satan’s world, and as a result, you fall deeper and deeper into sin and cannot extricate yourself. In God’s house, things are precisely the opposite. The more skilled you are at lying and being deceptive, the more God’s chosen people will be averse to you and reject you. If you refuse to repent and still cling to satanic philosophies and logic, and you also use schemes and ploys and sophisticated tactics to disguise yourself and put up facades, then you are very likely to be revealed and eliminated. This is because God loathes deceitful people. Only honest people can prosper in God’s house, and all deceitful people will eventually be rejected and eliminated. This has long since been preordained by God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). “Accepting the truth and knowing yourself is the path to growth in life and to attaining salvation; it is the chance for you to come before God to accept His scrutiny, judgment, and chastisement, and to gain the truth and life. If you give up pursuing the truth for the sake of pursuing reputation, status, and your own interests, this is tantamount to giving up the opportunity to accept God’s judgment and chastisement, and to attain salvation. You are choosing fame, gain, and status and your own interests, but what you are giving up is the truth, and what you are losing is the life, and the chance to be saved. Which means more? If you choose your own interests and give up the truth, is this not foolish? To put it in vernacular terms, this is suffering a great loss for the sake of a small advantage. Fame, gain, status, money, and self-interest are all temporary, they all fade away like wisps of smoke, whereas the truth and life are eternal and immutable. If people resolve the corrupt dispositions that cause them to pursue fame, gain, and status, then they have hope of attaining salvation. Moreover, the truths that people gain are eternal; Satan cannot take these truths away from people, nor can anyone else. You relinquish your interests but what you gain are the truth and salvation; these results are yours, and you gain them for yourself. If someone chooses to practice the truth, then even though they have lost their interests, they are gaining God’s salvation and eternal life; such people are the smartest ones. If someone gives up the truth for the sake of their interests, then they lose the life and God’s salvation; such people are the most foolish ones” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). God’s words reminded me that only an honest person can be saved and enter the kingdom of heaven. Deceitful people just end up revealed and eliminated by God. Which path someone chooses and what sort of person they are directly impacts their outcome and destination. But I used to be so blind. Instead of loving the truth, I just focused on maintaining my image, to the point of lying repeatedly and putting on an act. After the fact, I didn’t have the courage to open up, and I still hadn’t addressed even the most fundamental lies. I hadn’t changed my life disposition at all. If I kept on in my faith this way, how could I be saved by God? I saw that caring about reputation and pursuing personal gain had no value. I might gain others’ admiration and support that way, but disgust God with constant lying and losing the chance to be saved isn’t worth it.

In my seeking of the path to become an honest person, I saw this in God’s words: “No matter what problems you encounter, you must seek the truth to resolve them, you absolutely must not disguise yourself or present a false image to others. Whether it be your deficiencies, your inadequacies, your flaws, or your corrupt dispositions, you must open up and fellowship about all these things. Do not keep them under wraps. Learning how to open yourself up is the first step toward life entry, and it is the first hurdle, which is the most difficult to overcome. Once you have overcome this hurdle, it will be easy to enter into the truth. When you take this step, what will it signify? It will signify that you are opening your heart, and laying bare and opening up about every part of you—whether good or bad, positive or negative—and shining a light on it for other people to see and for God to see, not hiding or concealing anything from God, not employing any disguises, deceit, or deception toward God, and being likewise candid with other people. In this way, you will live in the light; not only will God scrutinize you, but other people will also see that there are principles and transparency to your actions. You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to carry out any concealment or covering-up of your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, your life will become very relaxed, free of constraints and pain, and you will completely live in the light” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I learned that to be an honest person and speak truthfully, when something involves my pride or interests, I should first pray and accept God’s scrutiny. No matter what flaws or shortcomings I have, or what corruption I reveal, I can’t hide or disguise it. Only showing my true self and seeking the truth can resolve this problem of lying, bit by bit. Whatever corruption I revealed, and whatever flaws and shortcomings I have, God could actually scrutinize perfectly clearly, so I couldn’t cover them up with lies and pretense. Even if other people didn’t know me well in the beginning, with time, everyone would see me clearly. And though I was responsible for watering work, I was new to that duty and still had a lot of flaws and shortcomings. When I didn’t have a good grasp of a newcomer’s notions or issues, or when I had a shallow understanding of the truth and couldn’t fellowship clearly, seeking a leader’s help was a normal approach, not embarrassing at all. I needed to openly face my shortcomings and be brave enough to tell the truth, practice the truth, and be an honest person. That is the right way forward. My heart brightened when I thought about this. I prayed and repented to God. I would stop speaking and acting for my reputation and interests, and practice according to God’s words instead. I saw Sister Cheng Lin later and told her all about my issues with lying. I felt really relaxed and free. I knew I was very image-conscious, and I always cared what people thought of me. When things came up I tended to protect my reputation and interests, and couldn’t help but lie. I kept praying to God, asking Him to watch over my heart, so I would be aware when I was about to lie, and could quickly change course, opening up and being an honest person.

Once in a gathering with a leader, he asked everyone to share their opinion on a new believer’s issue. I felt incredibly nervous. The leader grasped more of the principles than me. It would be clear in an instant whether I could identify the problem, if I was right or wrong, and if there were deviations. If I couldn’t see the heart of the issue or resolve it, what would the leader think of me? I got more wound up as I thought about it, and just couldn’t calm down and ponder the new believer’s issue. Then I thought of God’s words: “You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to carry out any concealment or covering-up of your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, your life will become very relaxed, free of constraints and pain, and you will completely live in the light” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Pondering God’s words, I understood that I should be an honest person, and tell the truth. No matter how many problems I see or what deviations I might have, I should still speak truthfully, not covering up, disguising or pretending, or thinking of the leader’s opinion of me. All that mattered was practicing the truth and being an honest person before God. These thoughts allowed me to calm down. Then, I was able to share my opinion. After listening, the leader offered further fellowship regarding our deficiencies. Through this kind of communication, I gained a clearer understanding of how I should resolve the newcomers’ problems. From this experience, I felt how wonderful it is to tell the truth, like God tells us to. It’s so relaxing and freeing. I’m not living in the uneasiness and pain of lying anymore. I’m so grateful to God! If I hadn’t been revealed in these situations, or judged and exposed by God’s words, I’d never have such understanding and change.