By Ye Qiu, China

In June 2022, I was elected to be the watering deacon and was watering newcomers together with Sister Cheng Lin. Having just accepted God’s work of the last days, the new believers still had a lot of religious notions. I was afraid my fellowship would be unclear and their problems wouldn’t be solved, so I asked the leader beforehand to find some passages of God’s words with me about their notions. On the day of the gathering, as I fellowshipped on the words of God I’d prepared in advance about the new believers’ notions, their notions were resolved. When we were about to wrap up, Cheng Lin asked me, “Your responses to the newcomers’ questions were really detailed today. Did you fellowship with the leader in advance?” Hearing this, my mind started racing. Since I was new to that duty, did she suspect today’s performance didn’t reflect my true level? If I told her that I’d gotten most of my fellowship from the leader, would she still look up to me? Wouldn’t she think that I wasn’t a capable worker? I thought to myself that I couldn’t tell her the truth. So, I said, “No.” As soon as I said that, I felt like I’d gone against my conscience. Clearly, the leader and I had already fellowshipped on this, but I looked her in the eye and said no. Wasn’t I knowingly lying? If the leader came by someday and Cheng Lin asked about it, my lie would be exposed—how humiliating! Everyone would say to me that I was really deceitful. I felt more uneasy the more I thought about it. That night I lay in bed, sleeping fitfully. The next day I went to find Cheng Lin, ready to open up and lay bare myself to her, but the words got to the tip of my tongue, and I just couldn’t get them out. I was afraid that Cheng Lin would look down on me if I told her, and think I was unskilled, overly focused on reputation and status. She might say I was truly deceitful to lie over such a small thing. I didn’t say anything after considering all that. I thought of God’s words on the way home: “You ought to know that God likes those who are honest” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Three Admonitions). I felt even guiltier. I couldn’t say just one honest thing. How could I be an honest person that God likes? I felt like a great weight was crushing my heart—I felt awful. I asked myself: I know very well that God hates deceitful liars, so why is it so hard to tell the truth?

While reflecting, it occurred to me that I hadn’t just lied about one thing. I was often the same way with other things. Once, the leader asked us how many newcomers we could water each month. I was new to the duty and didn’t fully understand the principles for it, so I couldn’t take on very many. But if I told the truth, I was afraid the leader would say I was lacking, and wasn’t up to the job. So, I inflated my number a little bit. My number was high enough, but I still wasn’t at ease. I was afraid that later, it would be so embarrassing if I couldn’t water that many newcomers, delaying their life entry. But I’d already said it, and I was embarrassed to be open with the leader. I had to bite the bullet and keep on going. And a few days before, the leader asked me how long it had taken me to resolve a newcomer’s problem. I hadn’t fully understood that newcomer’s notion at first, so I’d fellowshipped quite a few times. When the leader asked about it, I was afraid if I told the truth, the leader would say I was lacking caliber. Such a small issue needing multiple fellowships might make me look unskilled and inefficient. To protect my image, I lied and said it was resolved with one fellowship. I felt unsettled afterward, afraid that one day I would be revealed. Looking back on my behavior, I saw I lied a lot in my efforts to protect my image and give people a good impression. I was living in darkness and pain, so far from God’s standards of being an honest person. I thought about how the brothers and sisters were all practicing being honest people and resolving their deceitful natures. Some had even written experiential testimony articles. But after years in the faith, I was still lying so much, totally lacking in honesty. If I kept on that way in my faith, I was sure to be eliminated by God. I quickly said a prayer, “God, I’ve believed in You for years. Even now, I still lie and cheat when my interests are involved, which disgusts You. I don’t want to continue this way. Please guide me to resolve my lying problem.”

There was a passage I read in my spiritual devotion: “In their everyday lives, people often talk nonsense, tell lies, and say things that are ignorant, foolish, and defensive. Most of these things are said for the sake of vanity and pride, to satisfy their own egos. Speaking such falsehoods reveals their corrupt dispositions. If you were to resolve these corrupt elements, your heart would be purified, and you would gradually become purer and more honest. In reality, people all know why they lie. For the sake of personal gain and pride, or for vanity and status, they try to compete with others and pass themselves off as something that they’re not. However, their lies are eventually revealed and exposed by others, and they end up losing face, as well as their dignity and character. This is all caused by an excessive amount of lies. Your lies have become too numerous. Every word you say is adulterated and insincere, and not a single one can be considered true or honest. Even though you don’t feel that you’ve lost face when you tell lies, deep down, you feel disgraced. Your conscience blames you, and you hold a low opinion of yourself, thinking, ‘Why am I living such a pitiful life? Is it so difficult to speak the truth? Must I resort to lies for the sake of my pride? Why is my life so exhausting?’ You don’t have to live an exhausting life. If you can practice being an honest person, you will be able to live a relaxed, free, and liberated life. However, you have chosen to uphold your pride and vanity by telling lies. Consequently, you live a tiresome and miserable existence, which is self-inflicted. One may gain a sense of pride by telling lies, but what is that sense of pride? It is just an empty thing, and it is completely worthless. Telling lies means selling out one’s character and dignity. It strips away one’s dignity and one’s character; it displeases God, and He detests it. Is this worthwhile? It is not. Is this the correct path? No, it is not. People who frequently lie live according to their satanic dispositions; they live under Satan’s power. They do not live in the light, nor do they live in the presence of God. You constantly think about how to lie and then after you lie, you have to think about how to cover up that lie. And when you do not cover up the lie well enough and it is exposed, you have to rack your brain to try and straighten out the contradictions and make it plausible. Is it not tiring to live in this way? Exhausting. Is it worth it? No, it is not worth it. Racking one’s brain to tell lies and then to cover them up, all for the sake of pride, vanity, and status, what meaning is there in that? Finally, you reflect and think to yourself, ‘What’s the point? It’s too exhausting to tell lies and to have to cover them up. Conducting myself in this manner won’t work; it’d be easier if I just became an honest person.’ You desire to become an honest person, but you cannot let go of your pride, vanity, and personal interests. Therefore, you can only resort to telling lies to uphold these things. … If you think that lies can uphold the reputation, status, vanity, and pride you desire, you are completely mistaken. In reality, by telling lies, not only do you fail to maintain your vanity and pride, and your dignity and character, more grievously, you miss the opportunity to practice the truth and be an honest person. Even if you manage to protect your reputation, status, vanity, and pride at that moment, you have sacrificed the truth and betrayed God. This means you have completely lost your chance for Him to save and perfect you, which is the greatest loss and a lifelong regret” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only an Honest Person Can Live Out True Human Likeness). All of God’s words described my actual state. I was always lying and deceiving to protect my vanity and pride. I was putting on a show, which was an exhausting way to live that left me miserable. When I first started watering new believers, Cheng Lin saw my fellowship was not bad and asked me if I’d fellowshipped with the leader in advance. That was a really normal question. I could have answered with a simple “Yes.” But I was afraid she’d look down on me if I told the truth. With my reputation in mind, I knowingly told a lie. Also, when the leader asked us how many newcomers we could water, I didn’t answer based on my actual stature. I was afraid the leader would say I was incompetent if I gave a low number, so I intentionally inflated it. Then I was worried I wouldn’t be able to handle it—doing my duty this way was so stressful and exhausting. I was that way with watering new believers, too. With my shallow understanding of the truth, I needed multiple fellowships to resolve the newcomer’s issue. But I was thinking about what the leader would think of me, so I said it only took me one fellowship. I’d lied and deceived time after time to protect my vanity and pride, so others would approve of me. I was so deceitful and hypocritical! I thought if I didn’t tell the truth, the others and the leader wouldn’t know my true skill level, and I could protect my image. But God scrutinizes all. I can fool other people, but never God. After a while, everyone would gain discernment over me. They’d see I was someone who lacked the truth reality and constantly lied. I actually felt terrible after telling a lie. I was afraid of the day my lie would be exposed and I’d be shown for what I was. Not only would I lose face, but the others definitely wouldn’t trust me anymore. Over the long term, the worrying and unease tormented me. It was exhausting. I was in darkness and pain. By continually lying and cheating, not practicing the truth or being an honest person, not only did my own life suffer losses, but I was living without any character or dignity, which disgusts God. I thought of what the Lord Jesus said: “Let your communication be, Yes, yes; No, no: for whatever is more than these comes of evil” (Matthew 5:37). “You are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father you will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and stayed not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it” (John 8:44). God likes honest people and hates the deceitful. I should have spoken and acted according to God’s words, calling a spade a spade. Yes means yes, and no means no. But I lied over and over again in order to protect my own image. How is that different from the devil, Satan? The devil always lies—it never has anything truthful to say. Even up to now I’ve also lied quite a bit. If I didn’t repent, I was sure to be eliminated by God. I’d been racking my brains for my lies and false fronts to protect my image and enjoy some immediate gains. But as a result, God was disgusted, people were repelled, and I was suffering. I was idiotic.

I kept on self-reflecting, and one day, I read something in God’s words: “When people engage in deceit, what intentions does this come from? What aim are they trying to achieve? Without exception, it is to achieve fame, gain, and status; in a nutshell, it is for the sake of their own interests. And what lies at the root of the pursuit of self-interest? It is that people see their own interests as being more important than everything else. They engage in deceit in order to benefit themselves, and their deceitful disposition is thereby revealed. How should this problem be resolved? First you must discern and know what interests are, what they bring to people exactly, and what the consequences of pursuing them are. If you can’t figure this out, then forsaking them will be easier said than done. If people don’t understand the truth, then nothing is harder for them to give up than their own interests. That’s because their life philosophies are ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’ and ‘Man dies for wealth as birds do for food.’ Clearly, they live for their own interests. People think that without their own interests—that if they were to lose their interests—they wouldn’t be able to survive. It’s as if their survival is inseparable from their own interests, so most people are blind to all but their own interests. They see their own interests as higher than anything else, they live for their own interests, and getting them to give up their own interests is like asking them to give up their own lives” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). “Suppose a deceitful person is aware that they are deceitful, that they are fond of lying and dislike telling the truth, and that they’re always concealing things in their dealings with others, but they revel in this, thinking to themselves, ‘Living like this is great. I’m constantly pulling the wool over others’ eyes, but they can’t do the same to me. I’m nearly always satisfied as far as my own interests, pride, status, and vanity go. Things go according to my plans, flawlessly, seamlessly, and no one can see through them.’ Is that sort of person willing to be honest? They aren’t. This person believes deceitfulness and crookedness to be intelligence and wisdom, to be positive things. They treasure these things and cannot bear to do without them. ‘This is the perfect way to behave, and the only nourishing way to live,’ they think. ‘It’s the only valuable way to live, the only way to live that causes others to envy me and look up to me. It would be foolish and idiotic for me not to live by satanic philosophies. I’d always be losing out—getting bullied, discriminated against, and treated like a lackey. There’s no value in living like that. I’ll never be an honest person!’ Will this kind of person give up their deceitful disposition and practice being honest? Absolutely not. … They have no love for positive things, they do not yearn for the light, and they do not love the way of God or the truth. They like to follow worldly trends, they are enamored with fame, gain, and status, they love standing out from the crowd, they worship fame, gain, and status, and they venerate the great and famous, but in actual fact, they venerate demons and Satans. What they pursue at heart isn’t the truth or positive things; instead, they revere knowledge. In their hearts, they do not approve of those who pursue the truth and testify to God; instead, they approve of and admire people who have special talents and gifts. In their faith in God, they do not walk the path of pursuing the truth, but that of pursuing fame, gain, status, and power; they strive to be someone of great guile, who win with brilliant stratagems; they try to integrate themselves into the upper echelons of society to become a great and renowned person. They want to be greeted with adoration and welcome on all occasions they happen to attend; they want to be an idol to people. That’s the kind of person they want to be. What sort of way is this? It is the way of demons, the path of evil. It is not the way taken by a believer in God. They use Satan’s philosophies, its logic, they use its every ploy, every ruse, in every setting, in order to con people out of their personal trust, to make them worship and follow them. This is not the path that ought to be walked by people who believe in God; not only will such people not be saved, but also meet with God’s punishment—of this there cannot be the slightest doubt” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. One Cannot Be Saved by Believing in Religion or Engaging in Religious Ceremony). God’s words showed me why I was able to lie and act deceitfully over and over again, and why I never dared to open up and be an honest person. It’s because I have a deceitful nature. I was averse to the truth and didn’t love positive things. I hadn’t prioritized seeking to gain the truth, being someone who brings God joy. Instead, I valued satanic philosophies like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,” and “No great feats can be accomplished without telling lies,” as well as my own image and interests. When I was little, I had a relative who just had a middle school education, but said he was a college graduate. When he clearly didn’t have some skill, he’d talk himself up, saying he’d studied it in some prestigious college. When he lied and put on an act that way, not only did people not look down on him, but they looked up to him and admired him. I saw many similar instances growing up, and I was influenced by them. Without realizing it, in my heart I approved of those satanic approaches. I felt that sometimes a lie really could resolve a matter. Not only could you gain admiration, but you might get what you wanted. So I kept living by this view after coming to God’s house. If anything involved my image or interests, I couldn’t help but lie, cheat, and put on an act. Even when I felt guilty after lying, I still didn’t dare open up to everyone, afraid that if I were forthright, they would see right through me and think poorly of me. The thought of being embarrassed like that—you may as well kill me! I preferred living in darkness and misery over uttering a true word, becoming increasingly hypocritical and deceitful. The Chinese Communist Party is just like that. No matter how many scandalous, evil things it does, it never brings them into the light, but deludes the world with its lies. It puts on an image of being great, glorious, and correct to mislead people, to fool the common people. It’s so despicable and evil. Wasn’t my lying and deceit essentially the same as the Chinese Communist Party’s? It reminded me of God’s words: “What sort of way is this? It is the way of demons, the path of evil. It is not the way taken by a believer in God. They use Satan’s philosophies, its logic, they use its every ploy, every ruse, in every setting, in order to con people out of their personal trust, to make them worship and follow them. This is not the path that ought to be walked by people who believe in God; not only will such people not be saved, but also meet with God’s punishment—of this there cannot be the slightest doubt” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. One Cannot Be Saved by Believing in Religion or Engaging in Religious Ceremony). God is faithful. God requires us to be honest people to gain His salvation in the end. But Satan uses all sorts of philosophies and fallacies to mislead and corrupt people, getting us to constantly lie and cheat for our own reputation and status, becoming more and more hypocritical and deceitful. Ultimately, we’ll descend into hell and be punished along with it. At that point, I clearly saw Satan’s cunning and vicious motive. I hated it from the bottom of my heart and was willing to pursue being an honest person.

I read something else in God’s words later: “That God asks for people to be honest proves that He truly loathes and dislikes deceitful people. God’s dislike of deceitful people is a dislike of their way of doing things, their dispositions, their intents and their methods of trickery; God dislikes all of these things. If deceitful people are able to accept the truth, admit to their deceitful dispositions, and are willing to accept God’s salvation, then they too have a hope of being saved—for God treats all people equally, as does the truth. And so, if we wish to become people who please God, the first thing we must do is change our principles of comportment. No longer can we live according to satanic philosophies, no longer can we get by on lies and trickery. We must cast off all our lies and become honest people. Then God’s view of us will change. Previously, people always relied on lies, pretense, and trickery while living among others, and used satanic philosophies as the basis of their existence, their lives, and the foundation for their comportment. This was something that God loathed. Among nonbelievers, if you speak frankly, tell the truth, and are an honest person, then you will be slandered, judged, and forsaken. So you follow worldly trends and live by satanic philosophies; you become more and more skilled at lying, and more and more deceitful. You also learn to use insidious means to achieve your goals and protect yourself. You become more and more prosperous in Satan’s world, and as a result, you fall deeper and deeper into sin until you cannot extricate yourself. In God’s house, things are precisely the opposite. The more you lie and play deceitful games, the more God’s chosen people will become sick of you and forsake you. If you refuse to repent and still cling to satanic philosophies and logic, if you use ploys and elaborate schemes to disguise and package yourself, then you are very likely to be revealed and eliminated. This is because God loathes deceitful people. Only honest people can prosper in God’s house, and deceitful people will eventually be forsaken and eliminated. All of this is preordained by God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Most Fundamental Practice of Being an Honest Person). “Accepting the truth and knowing yourself is the path to growth in life and to attaining salvation, it is the chance for you to come before God to accept His scrutiny, judgment, and chastisement, and to gain the truth and life. If you give up on pursuing the truth for the sake of pursuing fame, gain, and status and your own interests, this is tantamount to giving up on the opportunity to accept God’s judgment and chastisement, and to attain salvation. You are choosing fame, gain, and status and your own interests, but what you are giving up is the truth, and what you are losing is the life, and the chance to be saved. Which means more? If you choose your own interests and give up on the truth, is this not foolish? To put it in vernacular terms, this is suffering a great loss for the sake of a small advantage. Fame, gain, status, money, and interests are all temporary, they are all ephemeral, whereas the truth and life are eternal and immutable. If people resolve the corrupt dispositions that cause them to pursue fame, gain, and status, then they have hope of attaining salvation. Moreover, the truths that people gain are eternal; Satan cannot take these truths away from people, nor can anyone else. You relinquish your interests but what you gain are the truth and salvation; these results are yours, and you gain them for yourself. If people choose to practice the truth, then even though they have lost their interests, they are gaining God’s salvation and eternal life. Those people are the smartest ones. If people give up the truth for the sake of their interests, then they lose the life and God’s salvation; those people are the most foolish ones” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). God’s words reminded me that only an honest person can be saved and enter the kingdom of heaven. Deceitful people just end up revealed and eliminated by God. Which path someone chooses and what sort of person they are directly impacts their outcome and destination. But I used to be so blind. Instead of loving the truth, I just focused on maintaining my image, to the point of lying repeatedly and putting on an act. After the fact, I didn’t have the courage to open up, and I still hadn’t addressed even the most fundamental lies. I hadn’t changed my life disposition at all. If I kept on in my faith this way, how could I be saved by God? I saw that caring about reputation and pursuing personal gain had no value. I might gain others’ admiration and support that way, but disgust God with constant lying and losing the chance to be saved isn’t worth it.

In my seeking of the path to become an honest person, I saw this in God’s words: “You must seek the truth to resolve any problem that arises, no matter what it is, and by no means disguise yourself or put on a false face for others. Your shortcomings, your deficiencies, your faults, your corrupt dispositions—be completely open about them all, and fellowship about them all. Do not keep them inside. Learning how to open yourself up is the first step toward life entry, and it is the first hurdle, which is the most difficult to overcome. Once you have overcome it, entering the truth is easy. What does taking this step signify? It means that you are opening your heart and showing everything you have, good or bad, positive or negative; baring yourself for others and for God to see; hiding nothing from God, concealing nothing, disguising nothing, free of deceit and trickery, and being likewise open and honest with other people. In this way, you live in the light, and not only will God scrutinize you, but other people will also be able to see that you act with principle and a degree of transparency. You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to cover up or disguise your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, you will be very relaxed, you will live without constraints or pain, and you will live entirely in the light” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I learned that to be an honest person and speak truthfully, when something involves my pride or interests, I should first pray and accept God’s scrutiny. No matter what flaws or shortcomings I have, or what corruption I reveal, I can’t hide or disguise it. Only showing my true self and seeking the truth can resolve this problem of lying, bit by bit. Whatever corruption I revealed, and whatever flaws and shortcomings I have, God could actually see perfectly clearly, so I couldn’t cover them up with lies and pretense. Even if other people didn’t know me well in the beginning, with time, everyone would see me clearly. And though I was responsible for watering work, I was new to that duty and still had a lot of flaws and shortcomings. When I didn’t have a good grasp of a newcomer’s notions or issues, or when I had a shallow understanding of the truth and couldn’t fellowship clearly, seeking a leader’s help was a normal approach, not embarrassing at all. I needed to openly face my shortcomings and be brave enough to tell the truth, practice the truth, and be an honest person. That is the right way forward. My heart brightened when I thought about this. I prayed and repented to God. I would stop speaking and acting for my reputation and interests, and practice according to God’s words instead. I saw Sister Cheng Lin later and told her all about my issues with lying. I felt really relaxed and free. I knew I was very image-conscious, and I always cared what people thought of me. When things came up I tended to protect my reputation and interests, and couldn’t help but lie. I kept praying to God, asking Him to watch over my heart, so I would be aware when I was about to lie, and could quickly change course, opening up and being an honest person.

Once in a gathering with a leader, he asked everyone to share their opinion on a new believer’s issue. I felt incredibly nervous. The leader grasped more of the principles than me. It would be clear in an instant whether I could identify the problem, if I was right or wrong, and if there were deviations. If I couldn’t see the heart of the issue or resolve it, what would the leader think of me? I got more wound up as I thought about it, and just couldn’t calm down and ponder the new believer’s issue. Then I thought of God’s words: “You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to cover up or disguise your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, you will be very relaxed, you will live without constraints or pain, and you will live entirely in the light” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Pondering God’s words, I understood that I should be an honest person, and tell the truth. No matter how many problems I see or what deviations I might have, I should still speak truthfully, not covering up, disguising or pretending, or thinking of the leader’s opinion of me. All that mattered was practicing the truth and being an honest person before God. These thoughts allowed me to calm down. Then, I was able to share my opinion. After listening, the leader added his own fellowship on the things we’d missed. Through this kind of communication, I gained a clearer understanding of how I should resolve the newcomers’ problems. From this experience, I felt how wonderful it is to tell the truth, like God tells us to. It’s so relaxing and freeing. I’m not living in the uneasiness and pain of lying anymore. I’m so grateful to God! If I hadn’t been exposed in these situations, or judged and revealed by God’s words, I’d never have such understanding and change.