81. I’m No Longer Picky About My Duty
When I first began believing in God, I noticed how brothers and sisters who were leaders would often fellowship with people on God’s words to resolve their problems and brothers and sisters were willing to seek them out to discuss their issues. This made me very envious of them and I thought that doing such a duty would allow them to be respected and admired wherever they went. As for hosting and general affairs duties, I believed that the brothers and sisters doing these duties were just toiling behind the scenes, couldn’t distinguish themselves, wouldn’t be seen by others and no one admired them. I thought it would be so great if I could do a duty that allowed me to distinguish myself and be admired in the future. Later on, I was selected as a church leader and brothers and sisters at the gatherings I presided over were all very warm to me. It felt great to see how they looked at me with envy and I felt myself to be a cut above the rest. Doing a leadership duty was more stressful and involved much more work, but no matter how much I suffered or how tired I was, I never backed down or complained. Some time after that, due to my poor caliber and the fact that I didn’t handle affairs according to principle—often acting based on my own opinions and sticking to regulations—and caused losses to the church’s work, I was dismissed. After my dismissal, my leader came to me and asked if I would be willing to do a duty in general affairs. I felt a bit resistant and thought, “General affairs work is just handling various miscellaneous tasks in the church, it’s just basic, manual labor. If the other brothers and sisters find out I am doing such a duty, what will they think of me? Will they think I am doing such a duty because I don’t have the truth reality?” However, knowing that a duty assignment was God’s commission and should be accepted and submitted to, I reluctantly agreed.
Later, when I went out to do my duty, I often ran into brothers and sisters I had known from before. When they asked me what duty I was doing, I would be embarrassed to tell them, worrying that they would look down on me if they knew I was doing a duty in general affairs. But what I feared most actually happened. One time, I went to a sister’s house to borrow her scooter and while chatting, I mentioned to her that I was doing a duty in general affairs. She was surprised and asked, “Why are you in general affairs now? I thought you were doing a text-based duty?” I felt incredibly awkward and intentionally changed the subject, making some small talk with her before leaving as quickly as possible. On my way home, I kept replaying in my mind the sister’s shocked expression when she heard I was in general affairs. I felt awful and wondered what the sister would think of me. Would she think that I had been assigned that duty because I lacked the truth reality and had poor caliber? Would she look down on me? This made me even more resistant toward that duty. Sometimes I would drag my feet about delivering urgent letters and wouldn’t get them to my brothers and sisters in a timely manner. Sometimes I was forgetful and my brothers and sisters pruned me for being perfunctory and irresponsible and reminded me to be more diligent in my duty and put more thought into it. Faced with this situation, I not only didn’t reflect on myself, I even became more resistant to the duty. I remembered how when I was a leader, general affairs workers delivered books of God’s words and letters to me, but now the tables had turned and it was I who was tasked with running errands and delivering things to other brothers and sisters. I felt like my status had suddenly plummeted and I became increasingly unhappy and oppressed.
One morning, my battery died while I was driving my electric scooter and I was forced to push the scooter manually. While pushing the scooter, I accidentally revved the accelerator and it shot forward, causing me to fall on top of it before I had time to react. I banged my mouth on the front edge of the scooter, which loosened a few of my teeth and left me with bruises on my face and caused an injury to my foot. After returning home, I prayed to God, “Oh God! Recently, I’ve been very resistant to my duty in general affairs and don’t know how to resolve this issue. Please guide me to know myself so that I can submit.” After prayer, I read two passages of God’s words that said: “In the house of God, there is constant mention of accepting God’s commission and performing one’s duty properly. How does duty come into being? To speak broadly, it comes into being as a result of God’s management work of bringing salvation to humanity; to speak specifically, as God’s management work unfolds among mankind, various work appears that requires people to cooperate and complete it. This has given rise to responsibilities and missions for people to fulfill, and these responsibilities and missions are the duties God bestows upon mankind. In God’s house, the various tasks that require people’s cooperation are the duties they should perform. So, are there differences between duties in terms of better and worse, lofty and lowly, or great and small? Such differences do not exist; as long as something has to do with God’s management work, is a requirement of the work of His house, and is required by spreading God’s gospel, then it is a person’s duty” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Adequate Performance of Duty?). “Whatever your duty, do not discriminate between high and low. Suppose you say, ‘Though this task is a commission from God and the work of God’s house, if I do it, people might look down on me. Others get to do work that lets them stand out. I’ve been given this task, which doesn’t let me stand out but makes me exert myself behind the scenes, it’s unfair! I will not do this duty. My duty has to be one that makes me stand out in front of others and allows me to make a name for myself—and even if I don’t make a name for myself or stand out, I still have to benefit from it and feel physically at ease.’ Is this an acceptable attitude? Being picky is not accepting things from God; it is making choices according to your own preferences. This is not accepting your duty; it is a refusal of your duty, a manifestation of your rebelliousness against God. Such pickiness is adulterated with your individual preferences and desires. When you give consideration to your own benefit, your reputation, and so on, your attitude toward your duty is not submissive” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Adequate Performance of Duty?). God’s words were a clear exposure of my current state. I saw that my attitude toward and view of my duty was wrong. I distinguished between high and low duties, separating them into grades and ranks. I thought that being a leader or doing a text-based duty made one a cut above the rest and allowed one to attain admiration and respect from others. No matter how much I suffered or felt tired in such a duty, I was very willing to do it. As for duties that required manual labor and didn’t allow me to distinguish myself and be seen, I wasn’t willing to do them, thinking that such duties were clearly quite lowly and people would look down on me for doing them. Under the influence of these fallacious views, when assigned a general affairs duty by my leader, I felt that this was an inferior duty and would hurt my reputation, so I was resistant and unwilling to submit, and I acted perfunctorily and irresponsibly in the duty. How ridiculous my views were! Given how corrupted I was and how poor my caliber was, it was only with God’s exaltation and grace that I was able to do a duty in the house of God, but I didn’t consider God’s intentions at all, didn’t know to repay God’s love, only considered my own interests and reputation and just acted as I pleased in my duty, using it to serve my own interests. Where was my humanity? God surely loathed such conduct!
One day, I came across this passage of God’s words: “What attitude should you have toward your duty? First, you must not analyze it, trying to ascertain who it was that assigned it to you; instead, you should accept it from God, as a duty entrusted to you by God, and you should obey the orchestration and arrangements of God, and accept your duty from God. Second, do not discriminate between high and low, and do not concern yourself with its nature, whether it lets you stand out or not, whether it is done in public view or behind the scenes. Do not consider these things. There is also another attitude: submission and active cooperation” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Adequate Performance of Duty?). Through reading God’s words, I learned that our duties are God’s commission and are our obligation and responsibility to fulfill. Regardless of whether the duty allows us to distinguish ourselves and be seen and whether it wins us the respect and admiration of others, as created beings, we should accept such duties and submit, and show our utmost loyalty. This is the kind of attitude we should have in our duties and the reason we should all possess. I thought about how general affairs might not be a flashy duty, but it is an indispensable aspect of the work of God’s house. If we didn’t have people delivering books and letters, our brothers and sisters wouldn’t be able to read God’s words in a timely fashion and certain projects wouldn’t be completed in a timely fashion, which would impact the church’s work. Given that I had been assigned a general affairs duty, I should have taken it as my responsibility to complete the tasks assigned to me. Having realized this, I was finally willing to accept and submit. Whether or not I would be respected by others, I would still do my best to fulfill my duty. After that, I put all my energy and thought into my duty. Each day when it came time to send and receive letters, I would dutifully check over them and put my heart into my work. When the sister I was partnered with had to go out to handle other work, I would actively help forward things for her and put effort into doing my work well. I felt particularly at ease working in this diligent and detailed fashion. When other brothers and sisters asked me what duty I was doing, I would forthrightly state that I was working in general affairs and no longer felt embarrassed.
In June of 2019, my leader sought me out to ask me if I’d be willing to host a few sisters. I thought to myself, “I’m willing to accept a duty, but if my close brothers and sisters find out I’ve been spending my days scrubbing dishes and cooking food as a host, what will they think of me? Will they look down on me?” I hurriedly recommended Sister Wang Yun, saying I thought she would be more suited to this duty, but the leader replied that Sister Wang Yun had been sick recently and wasn’t suitable. I realized that this duty had come to me through God’s sovereignty and arrangements, so I stopped trying to put it off. During my time hosting, I noticed that the sisters would often fellowship about skills and knowledge relevant to their duties and what they gained from their experiences. When their supervisor came, she would also fellowship with the sisters about their work. I was envious of them for being able to do such a duty while I was stuck upholding the safety of my house environment or preparing food in the kitchen. That sense of inferiority left me feeling very unhappy. Sometimes my mind would be elsewhere while preparing food and I’d add too much salt or forget to add the salt entirely. Some of the sisters couldn’t eat spicy food, so one of the sisters kindly asked me if I could put aside some of the food before adding the hot peppers. I assented to her request, but in my mind I thought, “Back when I was a leader, I was the one calling the shots. Now that I’m doing this hosting duty, not only am I unable to earn respect from others, I also have to follow other people’s orders.” This made me feel sullen and oppressed. Sometimes when the sisters were busy with their duties, they would ask me to help them purchase various daily necessities, which made me feel like I was being ordered around and was just there to run errands. Later, I realized that I was in a bad state, but I would still often live in that state in spite of myself. I felt awful and it seemed that my heart had strayed from God.
One day, I read two passages of God’s words that said: “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy for worldly dealings, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, and ever more opposed to Him” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God). “Satan corrupts people through the education and influence of national governments and of the famous and great. Their devilish words have become man’s life and nature. ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’ is a well-known satanic saying that has been instilled into everyone, and this has become man’s life. There are other words of philosophies for worldly dealings that are also like this. Satan uses each nation’s traditional culture to educate, mislead, and corrupt people, causing mankind to fall into and be engulfed by a boundless abyss of destruction, and in the end, people are destroyed by God because they serve Satan and resist God. … There are still many satanic poisons in people’s lives, conduct, and behavior. For example, their philosophies for worldly dealings, their ways of doing things, and their maxims are all filled with the poisons of the great red dragon, and these all come from Satan. Thus, all things that flow through people’s bones and blood are of Satan” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know Man’s Nature). Through reading God’s words, I realized what was at the root of my distinguishing between high and low duties, and separating them into grades and ranks—I had been deeply inculcated and corrupted by satanic poisons like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “Those who toil with their minds govern others, and those who toil with their hands are governed by others,” and “Man struggles upward; water flows downward.” I lived according to these satanic poisons, seeking fame, gain, status and respect. I thought that only living in that way was dignified and honorable. I also thought of the duties of the house of God in terms of satanic philosophy and views, believing that duties that required skill and talent like being a leader, working on texts, and producing videos were respected by people, while manual labor duties like hosting and doing general affairs were inferior. Influenced by fallacious views, I became perfunctory in my duty, was unfocused, often forgot to forward letters and delayed the work all because I thought that the duty wasn’t respected. The food I prepared was either too bland or too salty and I didn’t consider whether or not my sisters would be able to eat it, preferring just to make the food as I wanted to. When the sisters asked me to purchase things for them, I thought they were just treating me like a gofer and intentionally procrastinated. I saw that satanic poisons had already taken root deep within my heart and had become my very nature, causing me to become selfish, despicable and lacking in humanity. I treated my duty as a way of attaining status and reputation and wanted to use my duty as an opportunity to win respect and plaudits from my brothers and sisters. I was cheating and resisting God! I realized that I was in a very dangerous state, so I prayed to God in repentance, “Oh God, I don’t want to pursue fame, gain and status any longer. I am ready to repent to You. Please, guide me in finding a path of practice.”
After that, I came across two passages of God’s words: “Everybody is equal before the truth, and there are no distinctions of age or of lowliness and nobleness for those doing their duties in God’s house. Everybody is equal before their duty, they just do different jobs. There are no distinctions between them based on who has seniority. Before the truth, everybody should keep a humble, submissive, and accepting heart. People should be possessed of this reason and this attitude” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Eight)). “When God requires that people fulfill their duty well, He is not asking them to complete a certain number of tasks or accomplish any great endeavors, nor to perform any great undertakings. What God wants is for people to be able to do all they can in a down-to-earth way, and live in accordance with His words. God does not need you to be great or noble, or bring about any miracles, nor does He want to see any pleasant surprises in you. He does not need such things. All God needs is for you to steadfastly practice according to His words. When you listen to God’s words, do what you have understood, carry out what you have comprehended, remember well what you have heard, and then, when the time comes to practice, do so according to God’s words. Let them become your life, your realities, and what you live out. Thus, God will be satisfied. … Performing your duty isn’t actually difficult, nor is it hard to do so loyally, and to an acceptable standard. You don’t have to sacrifice your life or do anything special or difficult, you merely have to follow the words and instructions of God honestly and steadfastly, not adding your own ideas or running your own operation, but walking the path of pursuing the truth. If people can do this, they will basically have a human semblance. When they have true submission to God, and have become an honest person, they will possess the likeness of a true human being” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). In truth, no matter what duty we do in the house of God, be it a leadership duty, a text-based duty or serving as a host or working in general affairs, these are all just different jobs and no one of them is higher or lower than the other. No matter what duty we do, we are all accepting God’s commission and serving our function as created beings. God would not think particularly highly of someone just because they have talent, skills or do some special duty. Likewise, He would not look down on someone just because they do a less flashy duty. What God cares about is whether people pursue the truth in the course of their duty and whether they submit and are loyal in their duties. The church had assigned me to serve as a host, so this was a responsibility and duty that I should fulfill. Regardless of whether people would think highly of me, I should accept it and submit—this was the reason that I ought to have. I thought of how of the myriad things God has created, be they great or small, they all exist in accordance with God’s sovereignty and ordainment and serve whatever function God has given to them. A small blade of grass doesn’t compare its height to a towering tree, nor does it compete with flowers over which is prettier; it just obediently serves its function. If I could be like that blade of grass, submitting to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, conducting myself in a down-to-earth manner and seeking to fulfill my role as a created being, I wouldn’t suffer so much over not attaining status. What’s more, being a leader in God’s house is not all about ordering people around as I believed, it requires one to be a servant to all people, fellowshipping the truth to help brothers and sisters, resolving their real issues with life entry and guiding them into the reality of God’s words. The hosting duty is also not an inferior duty—it requires one to do one’s duty in maintaining the hosting environment so that brothers and sisters can do their duty in peace. Each of us does our part in our role to expand the kingdom gospel. Realizing all this, I felt a sense of liberation. The house of God assigns people to duties based upon their skills, caliber and stature. I had previously served in leadership and text-based duties, but my caliber was insufficient, I wasn’t up to the tasks and unsuited to those roles. Yet, I didn’t really understand myself, always thinking very highly of myself and seeking the respect of others. How unreasonable I was being! The church assigned me to do a hosting duty based on my caliber and my house environment—this duty was very suitable for me. I wasn’t highly respected for my role as a host, but the duty revealed my mistaken views on pursuit and my corrupt disposition and spurred me to seek the truth and gain some understanding of myself. This is the most valuable thing I could gain from this duty. I thanked God from the bottom of my heart for orchestrating this environment to purify and transform me, and I became willing to submit to His orchestrations and arrangements, fulfilling my hosting duty to repay His love.
Later on, I began to seek to enter into principles in the way I prepared food for my sisters, considering what kind of meals would be most beneficial to their health. When they weren’t busy, they’d help me with housework and didn’t order me around like an inferior at all. When I encountered difficulties in my duty, they would patiently fellowship with me and support me and we all played our part in our roles. In this way, I began to have a more harmonious relationship with the sisters, and I was happily willing to do my duty. These gains and changes were all the result of the judgment and chastisement of God’s words.