By Joanne, South Korea

Recently, I noticed that lots of brothers and sisters were writing experiential articles to bear witness to God. I figured that since I’d been a believer for many years, enjoyed the sustenance of God’s words, and had some experiences, I could use some of my devotional time to write an article. But, every time I wrote an opening, I didn’t know what to say next. I’d been through a number of dismissals, failures, and falls, and had been pruned a lot, so I certainly had some experiences to talk about. Why, then, did my mind go blank as soon as I started to write? Two months went by this way, and in the end I never managed to write an article—the whole process seemed too difficult. So, I started to indulge myself, thinking, “The leader knows that I lack caliber and lack ideas. I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. There are lots of things I have to deal with every day, and I can’t settle myself to ponder God’s words. Besides, there are brothers and sisters with good caliber and lots of experiences who can write articles. Let them do it—if I don’t write anything, then it’ll be no great loss.” So, I gave up on the idea of writing an article altogether. Sometimes, some of the other brothers and sisters would message me, reminding me that I could write an article when I had some spare time. But I would just get annoyed by this, to the point where I didn’t even want to respond to their messages. Little by little, I began to stop doing devotionals regularly. I would read God’s words, but I didn’t have the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment, and I couldn’t feel God. Lots of problems came up in my work, one after another, and I was unable to understand and resolve them. I felt under a lot of pressure, and I was really in pain. I prayed to God, asking Him to enlighten me and guide me to an understanding of my issues.

One day, in the course of my devotionals, I read this passage of God’s words: “Pursuing the truth is voluntary. If you love the truth, then the Holy Spirit will work in you. If you love the truth in your heart, then you will be able to pray to and rely on God no matter what persecution or tribulation befalls you, and reflect on yourself and try to know yourself no matter what corrupt disposition you reveal, and actively seek the truth to resolve problems that you discover and come to do your duty in a way that is up to standard. In this way, you will be capable of standing firm in your testimony. These manifestations are all results that can be achieved by those who love the truth. These are not things that people are forced to do; they are all achieved by people seeking the truth voluntarily, gladly, and of their own accord, without any extra conditions attached. If people can follow God in this way, they will ultimately gain the truth and the life, they will enter into the truth reality, and they will live out a human likeness. … Whatever your reason for believing in God, God will ultimately determine your outcome based on whether you have gained the truth. If you have not gained the truth yet still demand that God give you a good outcome, is that valid? That is not valid, no matter how many justifications or excuses you give. When God determines people’s outcomes, He doesn’t consult with them. No matter how you argue or defend yourself, it won’t be of any use—God will pay you no heed. Even if you were to go to the third heaven to make an appeal, it wouldn’t be of any use. Your failure to pursue the truth is your own problem—God is righteous toward everyone. So, when you are revealed and eliminated, do not misunderstand or complain about God. No matter what justification or excuse you find for not pursuing the truth, it won’t be of any use. God has spoken so many words, yet you don’t listen to a single one of them. God requires people to seek the truth in all circumstances and in every matter that befalls them, but you simply don’t listen to this or practice it. In the end, your failure to gain the truth and attain salvation is self-inflicted. Regardless of what circumstances God has set up for you, what people and events you encounter, and what environment you find yourself in, you should pray to God and seek the truth in order to face them. These are precisely the lessons you should learn in pursuing the truth. If you always look for justifications to get out of, to evade, to reject, or to resist these circumstances, then God will give up on you. There is no point in arguing, or in being unreasonable or obstructive—if you do not accept the truth, you will lose your chance at salvation. If you seek the truth, there is no problem that cannot be solved. God is righteous; He has suitable arrangements for everyone and a solution for every problem. God will not listen to the justifications that you use in your defense, regardless of whether or not they seem reasonable. He will just ask you, ‘Are God’s words the truth? Do you accept them or not? Since you have corrupt dispositions, shouldn’t you accept judgment? If you want to attain salvation, shouldn’t you pursue the truth?’ God will just look at your attitude. If you are a person who sincerely believes in God, you just need to be clear about one fact: God is the truth, and you are a corrupt human, so you should proactively seek the truth to resolve your corrupt dispositions, only then can you attain salvation; none of your problems or difficulties, none of your justifications or excuses are valid—if you do not accept the truth, you will perish” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (1)). God’s words awakened me immediately. Pursuing the truth is a personal, voluntary matter. I shouldn’t have been searching for every excuse not to write an article or pursue the truth. God wants us to listen to His words and submit to His requirements in every situation and every matter. That’s what I should have been doing. God also says: “The duty of your faith in Me is to bear witness for Me, to be loyal to Me and none other, and to be submissive to the end” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. What Do You Know of Faith?). Exalting God and bearing witness to Him is what He requires of us. It’s our duty. No matter how deep my understanding of the truth was, I had to write out what I’d gained from my faith in order to bear witness to God. But I hadn’t actively sought the truth or put effort into pondering God’s words. Instead, I’d found all sorts of excuses to avoid and resist writing an article. I kept saying that I lacked caliber, that I didn’t have time because I was too busy with work. I thought that it was normal to not write an article. When the others told me I should write one, I’d get annoyed and make excuses. I didn’t even want to respond to their messages. But, now calmly thinking about it, even though I had to keep up with all aspects of my work as a leader, some issues didn’t need to be addressed so urgently. Many of the tasks could be done in my free time. Some of the routine tasks didn’t take that much time to get done. I wasn’t so busy that I didn’t have any time to write an article. My busyness was just an excuse I’d found. I felt that those routine tasks could be done smoothly and easily, and that they didn’t require too much mental effort. However, writing wasn’t my strong suit, so I wanted to avoid it. I even used the excuse that the leader knew I was lacking caliber and ideas to avoid writing. I was really spouting absurd arguments. In fact, writing experiential testimony articles can spur us to put effort into pursuing the truth. By thinking over God’s words and seeking the truth, we can resolve our corrupt dispositions, achieve a principled approach to taking care of things, and perform our duties better. Writing articles to bear witness to God is our responsibility and our duty, and there are no excuses not to do so. God says: “God is the truth, and you are a corrupt human, so you should proactively seek the truth to resolve your corrupt dispositions, only then can you attain salvation; none of your problems or difficulties, none of your justifications or excuses are valid—if you do not accept the truth, you will perish” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (1)). From God’s words, I realized that being stuck with all these reasons and excuses while not seeking or accepting the truth would utterly destroy me. What a terrifying state to be in! So, I rushed to say a prayer, “God! I understand, now, that I am not someone who accepts the truth. I’ve read so many of Your words and listened to so many sermons and fellowships, but I possess none of the truth reality, and I am unwilling to practice writing a testimony article. I’m so ashamed. Now that I’ve seen my shortcomings and deficiencies, I want to change this incorrect state and strive to meet Your demands.”

Later, I prayed to God, seeking the real reason why I wasn’t pursuing the truth, why I didn’t want to write an article to bear witness to God. As I reflected on this, I read God’s words. Almighty God says: “In their faith in God, many people focus solely on working for God, they are satisfied with merely suffering and paying a price, but they do not pursue the truth at all. As a result, they lack true knowledge of God’s work after believing in Him for ten years, twenty years, or thirty years, and they cannot speak about any experiential knowledge of the truth or God’s words. During gatherings, when they want to share some experiential testimony, they have nothing to say, and they also cannot say for sure whether they will be saved or not. What is the problem here? This is how people who do not pursue the truth are. No matter how many years they have been believers, they are incapable of understanding the truth, much less practicing it. How could someone who does not accept the truth at all enter into the truth reality? There are some who cannot see through to this problem. They believe that if people who parrot words and doctrines practice the truth, they can enter into the truth reality too. Is this correct? People who parrot words and doctrines inherently do not understand the truth—so how could they practice it? What they practice appears to not violate the truth, and to be good things and good behaviors, but how could those good things and good behaviors be called the truth reality? People who do not understand the truth do not know what the truth reality is; they consider people’s good things and good behaviors to be the practice of the truth. This is absurd, is it not? How is this any different from the thoughts and views of religious people? And how can such problems of distorted comprehension be resolved? People must first understand the intentions of God from His words, they should know what understanding the truth is, and what practicing the truth is, in order to be able to look at others and discern them for what they really are, and to be able to tell whether or not they possess the truth reality. God’s work and salvation of man is meant to make people understand and practice the truth; only then will people be able to cast off their corrupt dispositions, act according to the principles, and enter into the truth reality. If you do not pursue the truth, and are merely satisfied with expending, suffering, and paying a price for God as per your own notions and imaginings, will everything you do represent your practice of the truth and submission to God? Will it prove that you have changed your life disposition? Will it represent that you possess true knowledge of God? No. And so what will everything you do represent? It can only represent your own personal preferences, comprehension, and wishful thinking. It will purely be things that you like to do, that you are willing to do; everything you do merely satisfies your own desires, resolves, and aspirations. Clearly, that is not pursuing the truth. None of your actions or behaviors have anything to do with the truth, or with God’s requirements. All of your actions and behaviors are for yourself; you are only working, fighting, and running about for the sake of your own aspirations, reputation, and status—this makes you no different from Paul, who toiled and worked all his life solely in order to be rewarded, crowned, and to enter the kingdom of heaven—this shows that you are clearly walking the path of Paul” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (2)). Reading God’s words of judgment and exposure, I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I’d been a believer all these years, and had read so many of God’s words. I’d had some failures and some falls, and I’d been pruned, too. But I hadn’t written any testimony articles at all. I couldn’t express my experiential understanding of the truth or of God’s words because I hadn’t been pursuing the truth. I’d been content to just look like I could suffer and pay a price outwardly, and to do the work I was responsible for well without any deviations or oversights. In fact, some of the routine work I’d been doing wasn’t very urgent, but I’d been afraid that the others would say I didn’t do real work or resolve real issues. What would I do if the leader found out and dismissed me? At that thought, I’d given up on writing an article and pondering God’s words. Sometimes I got up early and wanted to do some morning devotionals, but when I turned on my computer and saw all sorts of messages that needed a response, I’d give up on devotionals and start responding to those messages, trying to handle all those problems right away. But in reality, not everything needed to be taken care of immediately. If I’d responded later on, when I could afford to put aside some time, nothing would’ve been delayed. But I had busied myself with routine work and given up this time, which should have been spent eating, drinking and pondering God’s words. I’d thought I was being responsible and taking on a burden in my duty, and that I could do real work. But, in fact, I wanted to use my superficial suffering and efforts to gain respect and admiration. How was that doing my duty? I wanted to use my duty to protect my reputation and status, and to fulfill my personal ambitions. I clearly knew that the process of writing an article was also the process of seeking the truth, but I didn’t pursue the truth and I didn’t want to learn how to write an article to bear witness to God. I kept myself busy with various things every day, and even when I could make time, I found all kinds of excuses not to write. Doing my duty without pursuing the truth—wasn’t this just laboring? I thought of God’s words: “None of your actions or behaviors have anything to do with the truth, or with God’s requirements. All of your actions and behaviors are for yourself; you are only working, fighting, and running about for the sake of your own aspirations, reputation, and status—this makes you no different from Paul.” Upon reflection, I realized that I was taking the path of Paul. I was only concerned with doing the routine work, the work that I liked, the work that came easily to me. As for the essential work of the church required by God, not only did I not seek the truth, but I became averse to it and avoided it altogether. As a result, though I had believed in God for many years, I did not yet understand the truth. There was some key work that I simply couldn’t get involved with—I could only do these routine tasks. I was only working to satisfy my desire for status. Not only was it causing me to lose out in life, but I was on the path of being an enemy to God. If that went on, then it wouldn’t matter how much work I did—I’d end up being eliminated by God. Realizing this scared me, and I wanted to change this state right away.

I read some of God’s words in my devotionals one day: “The most obvious state of people who are averse to the truth is that they are not interested in the truth and positive things, and they are even repulsed by them and loathe them. They especially like to follow trends and do not accept in their hearts the things that God loves and what God requires people to do. Instead, they are dismissive and indifferent toward them, and some people even often despise the standards and principles that God requires of man. They are repulsed by positive things, and they always feel resistant, opposed, and contemptuous toward them in their hearts. This is the primary manifestation of being averse to the truth. In church life, reading God’s words, praying, fellowshipping on the truth, doing duties, and resolving problems with the truth are all positive things, and they are pleasing to God. Yet some people are repulsed by these positive things, couldn’t care less about them, and are dismissive of them. … Isn’t this the disposition of being averse to the truth? Isn’t this the revelation of a corrupt disposition? There are many people who, in their belief of God, simply like to do work for Him and run around enthusiastically for Him, to put their gifts and strengths to use, and to follow their preferences and show off. When it comes to handling external matters, they always have boundless energy, but if you ask them to practice the truth and act according to the truth principles, it takes the wind from their sails, and they lose their zeal. If they are not allowed to show off, they grow listless and despondent. Why is it that they have energy for showing off? And why is it that they have no energy for practicing the truth? What is the problem here? People all like to stand out; they’re all vain. Everyone has inexhaustible energy when it comes to believing in God for the sake of gaining blessings and rewards, but why do they grow listless and why are they despondent when it comes to practicing the truth and rebelling against the flesh? Why does this happen? It proves that people’s hearts are adulterated. They believe in God entirely for the sake of gaining blessings—to put it plainly, they do so in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. Without blessings or benefits to pursue, people grow listless and despondent, and have no zeal. This is all caused by a corrupt disposition that is averse to the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Reading God’s words, I understood that I’d been avoiding writing an article and refusing to put effort into pursuing the truth entirely because of my satanic disposition of being averse to the truth. I knew well that God requires us to write articles to bear witness to Him, and if not something profound, I could write something simpler. As long as it’s practical, with experiential understanding, and it’s edifying, that’s fine. God treasures people’s testimonies, and a good testimony on life experience most comforts His heart. So, God hopes that we’ll write our experiences and gains as testimony articles to bear witness to Him. But instead of putting effort into what God requires, I found reasons to dodge and decline it. Wasn’t this revealing a satanic disposition of being averse to the truth? I read another passage of God’s words: “What kind of people, do you think, are those who are averse to the truth? Are they not those who resist and set themselves against God? They might not openly resist God, but their nature essence is to deny and resist God, which is tantamount to openly telling God, ‘I do not like hearing what you say, I do not accept it, and because I do not acknowledge that your words are the truth, I do not believe in you. I believe in whoever serves my interests and benefits me.’ Is this not the attitude of nonbelievers? If this is your attitude toward the truth, are you not being openly hostile to God? And if you are openly hostile to God, will God save you? He won’t. Such is the reason for God’s wrath toward all who deny and resist God. … When a person is averse to the truth, this is undoubtedly fatal to their attaining salvation. This is not a matter of whether or not it can be forgiven by God—being averse to the truth is not a kind of behavior or a fleeting revelation, but the nature essence of a person. God is most averse to such people. If you occasionally reveal the corruption of being averse to the truth, you must examine, based on God’s words, whether these revelations are due to your antipathy toward the truth or from a lack of understanding of the truth. This requires seeking, and it requires God’s enlightenment and help. If you have the nature essence of being averse to the truth, and you never accept the truth, and are particularly repulsed by it and hostile to it, then you are in trouble. You are assuredly an evil person, and God will not save you” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Fulfill One’s Duty, Understanding the Truth Is Most Crucial). God’s words pierced me right in the heart. Being averse to the truth is openly resisting God, openly being hostile to Him. I’d been verbally praying in the name of Almighty God, eating and drinking the truths He’s expressed, fellowshipping on His words in every gathering, and preaching them to the brothers and sisters. But the way I was acting, the way I was living, wasn’t in line with God’s words. I wasn’t practicing according to His requirements. Instead, I was disgusted with the truth. How was I being someone who accepts and practices the truth? The only way to be saved as a believer is to accept the truth. But I didn’t love the truths that God has expressed. Deep in my heart, I was against God. Just my satanic disposition of being averse to the truth could ruin me. Realizing this, I felt deep regret, and I came before God in prayer, “Oh God! I haven’t focused on writing an article or on trying to pursue the truth. I truly have a nature that is averse to the truth, which disgusts You. I want to repent and do my best to pursue the truth.”

I read more of God’s words after that: “If you really do love the truth in your heart, and it’s just that you are of somewhat low caliber and lacking in insight, a bit foolish, and you often make mistakes, but you do not intentionally do evil, and have simply done a few foolish things; if you are willing to hear God fellowshipping the truth, and you thirst for the truth in your heart; if your attitude toward the truth and God’s words is one of sincerity and thirst, and you can treasure and cherish God’s words—this is enough. God likes such people. Even though you may do foolish things at times, God still likes you. God loves your heart that thirsts for the truth, and He loves your sincere attitude toward the truth. He doesn’t care about your poor caliber or your foolishness, nor your transgressions. Precisely because your attitude toward the truth is one of sincerity and thirst, and because your heart is genuine—just on the basis of the genuineness of your heart and this attitude of yours—He will always be merciful toward you and show you grace, and the Holy Spirit will work on you, and you will have hope of salvation” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Fulfill One’s Duty, Understanding the Truth Is Most Crucial). God’s words gave me a path of practice. My heart brightened, and I felt a great sense of release. God feels no hatred for people’s poor caliber or their foolishness. As long as they thirst for the truth and treat the truth with an attitude of sincerity, they will have God’s mercy. I noticed that there were other brothers and sisters with average caliber who thirsted for God’s words, and intently pondered and sought the truth to resolve problems when issues arose. They ended up able to write really touching articles about their experiences to bear witness to God. There were others, too, who had joined the faith not long ago yet didn’t run away no matter what difficulties they faced in their duty. Instead, they submitted to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and leaned on God to seek the truth and overcome hardship. Ultimately they bore touching testimonies. There were also new believers who focused on seeking the truth and reading God’s words to reflect on themselves when they revealed corruptions. The understanding they shared in fellowship was really genuine and practical. God doesn’t care how long someone has had faith, if they’re foolish or with poor caliber; He only cares about whether they pursue the truth, love the truth, thirst for the truth, and whether or not they approach His words with a sincere heart. Poor caliber isn’t fatal. What’s key is whether we have a heart that loves the truth, whether we can accept and practice the truth. God is faithful and righteous, and He doesn’t care whether someone’s caliber is good or poor. As long as we thirst for and strive for the truth, and we practice what we know, we can gain the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment and illumination, and our comprehension capability and ability to view things will improve. I shouldn’t be constrained by having poor caliber or find reasons and excuses to avoid writing an article. I wanted to genuinely eat, drink, and experience God’s words, to put my experiences into an article to bear witness to God.

I read a passage of God’s words later that clarified His intention. Almighty God says: “Accepting the truth and pursuing the truth is the most realistic, practical path to attaining salvation. If you cannot gain the truth, you believe in God in vain. Those who speak empty words and doctrines, who always shout slogans, spout grand-sounding ideas, and always abide by regulations, without focusing on practicing the truth, gain nothing, no matter how many years they believe. Who are the people that gain something? Those who do their duty sincerely and are willing to practice the truth, those who treat what God has entrusted to them as their mission, those who willingly spend their whole lives expending themselves for God and do not scheme for their own sakes, and those who conduct themselves with their feet on the ground and comply with God’s orchestrations. In doing their duty, such people are able to grasp the truth principles, carefully do every task well, and achieve the result of bearing witness to God, and satisfy God’s intentions. When they encounter difficulties while doing their duty, they can pray to God and try to grasp God’s intentions, they can comply with the orchestrations and arrangements of God, and they can seek the truth and practice the truth when doing things. They do not shout slogans or spout grand-sounding ideas, but focus only on doing things with their feet on the ground, and on meticulously handling matters according to the principles. They put their heart in everything they do, and experience everything with their heart. In most matters, they can put the truth into practice, acquire knowledge and understanding through experience, and learn lessons and have genuine gains. And when they have incorrect thoughts or wrong states, they can pray to God and seek the truth to resolve them. No matter what truths they understand, they have experience of them and insight into them, and are able to share their experiential testimony. Such people can ultimately gain the truth. Those who are thoughtless never ponder in their hearts matters of practicing the truth. They only focus on exerting effort and taking action, and on exhibiting themselves and showing off, while never seeking how to practice the truth. This makes it difficult for them to gain the truth. Think about it—what kind of people exactly can enter into the truth reality? (Those who put their heart into things, who are pragmatic, and who do their duties in a down-to-earth way.) That’s right. Only those who do their duties with their feet on the ground and diligently seek the truth can understand the truth and enter into reality. In addition, such people focus on what’s practical in all things; they are relatively pragmatic, love positive things, are able to accept the truth and practice the truth, and ultimately they can gain the truth and achieve submission to God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Believing in God, What Is Most Important Is to Practice and Experience His Words). I learned from God’s words that those who pursue the truth focus on putting effort into His words, pondering and practicing them regularly. They can seek the truth and learn lessons from the people, events, and things around them, and reap rewards from their experiences. Writing an article is a good way to prompt us to come before God, ponder His words, and seek the truth. Once I understood God’s intention I felt a burden, and I felt motivated to write an article. I knew that I should do this duty well to comfort God’s heart, and that through it I could further seek the truth and achieve progress in life.

After that, I started planning out every day’s work, and determining what time I’d use for which issue, according to its urgency. Whenever I had time I’d eat and drink God’s words and work on an article. When I first started, my writing was quite superficial when it came to an understanding and knowledge of God’s words. I wanted to give up and stop writing at that point, and I didn’t want to ponder God’s words anymore. So I prayed to God, “God! I don’t want to give up. I want to put thought into Your words, and to write as much as I know. I don’t want to live by my corrupt disposition. I want to use the enlightenment and illumination You provide to write in testimony to You.” I felt a lot calmer after that prayer. When I settled down and thought about my own state and God’s words, I would make a note of any light I had. Like this, whenever I had time, I would ponder a passage of God’s words and write out my understanding. When I was done, and I saw some parts weren’t too clear, I did my best to edit them. The more I wrote, the more clarity I had, and the better I saw my own state. My understanding of the truth also became increasingly practical. I felt really fulfilled with this kind of practice.