By Qin Mo, China

One winter, several years ago, an upper leader told me that leaders and workers from a neighboring church had been arrested by the police. There was some follow-up work that had to be dealt with in the church, and the brothers and sisters didn’t have anyone to support them. Some of them felt timid, negative and weak, and couldn’t participate in church life. She asked if I’d be willing to preside over that church’s work. When she asked me, I felt a bit conflicted, “Some brothers and sisters had just been arrested at that church. If I take over the work there, what if I also get arrested? Given my old age, how can my body really withstand the great red dragon’s torture and beatings? If I can’t take the torture and become a Judas, betraying God, then won’t all my years of faith have been in vain?” But then I thought that, given the adversity of the current circumstances, the church’s work needed someone to step up in this crucial moment, so I reluctantly agreed.

When I arrived at the church, Sister Wang Xinjing informed me that the leaders, the workers, and some brothers and sisters had been arrested, and she’d only been able to contact a few brothers and sisters in the whole church. She couldn’t reach most church members, so they couldn’t gather. Hearing this, I thought to myself, “What a terrible situation this is. Now, the great red dragon is using our neighbors to monitor us. What if when I go and support these brothers and sisters, their neighbors take notice and report me to the police? Also, so many brothers and sisters have been arrested—if any of them can’t withstand the torture and rat out other brothers and sisters, the police will be monitoring them. So, if I go see these brothers and sisters, won’t I just be walking right into their trap? If I’m arrested, can’t withstand the torture and become a Judas, won’t my days as a believer be finished? I certainly won’t attain salvation, then.” The more I thought, the more scared I became—I thought it was just too dangerous to do my duty there. It felt like walking in a minefield—one wrong step and it’d all be over. At that time, I really regretted going to manage the work there, and I couldn’t get motivated to do my duty. Then I thought about how Wang Xinjing was a member of the church and was more familiar with the overall situation there, so it would be more convenient for her to go visit the brothers and sisters. I’d only just arrived and was not up to speed yet. I could have Wang Xinjing go visit the brothers and sisters, that way I wouldn’t have to risk it myself. But then I thought, “Wang Xinjing doesn’t have a good grasp of many principles and lacks experience. Given all this, could she really do the follow-up work well? Will she be able to resolve the brothers and sisters’ issues? On the other hand, if I go personally, won’t I just be setting myself up for disaster?” After turning the matter over in my head, I decided to have Wang Xinjing perform the work. But after a few days, she still hadn’t made any progress. Seeing this, I knew that I ought to go support the brothers and sisters myself. Otherwise, their problems wouldn’t be resolved and their life entry would suffer losses. But, given how treacherous the current circumstances were, I’d be in danger of being arrested any time I made contact with the brothers and sisters. So I just didn’t dare do the work myself. As a result, more than a month went by and we hadn’t made much progress in the church’s work. Wang Xinjing was living in a state of negativity. But I was living in timidity and fear, so I didn’t dare collaborate with her in the work.

One day, I suddenly fell ill, and the cause of the illness could not be determined. At the time, I realized that this might have been God disciplining me, and so I prayed to Him, asking Him to enlighten me so I could know His intention. Later, I read this passage of God’s words: “His sorrow is due to mankind, for whom He has hopes but who has fallen into darkness, and it is because the work He does on man does not meet His intentions, because the mankind He loves cannot all live in the light. He feels sorrow for the innocent mankind, for the honest but ignorant man, and for the man who is good but lacking in his own views. His sorrow is a symbol of His goodness and of His mercy, a symbol of beauty and of kindness” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. It Is Very Important to Understand God’s Disposition). God’s words had a deep impact on me. Especially when I read God’s words, “His sorrow is due to mankind, for whom He has hopes but who has fallen into darkness,” I felt deeply guilty. Due to the great red dragon’s arrests, the brothers and sisters couldn’t live a normal church life, and so they sunk into despondency and darkness and their lives suffered losses. Seeing this, God felt anxious and distressed and urgently hoped that someone would consider His intention and quickly come to assist and support the brothers and sisters so they could live a normal church life. But as for me, I passed my work off to my sister to preserve my safety and retreated into my shell to drag out an ignoble existence. I was clearly aware that the brothers and sisters couldn’t live a normal church life and that their lives had suffered losses, but I didn’t step in to resolve the issue. I was being so selfish and despicable! I thought about how usually, when I wasn’t in a dangerous situation, I believed I was loyal and was able to forsake and expend myself. I would even often fellowship with others about how we should love and satisfy God. But when faced with this situation, all I could think about was my own safety. I didn’t consider God’s intention at all or whether the brothers and sisters’ lives suffered losses. I saw that I had just been speaking of words and doctrines—I was deceiving both God and people. Having realized this, I felt deeply remorseful and prayed to God, “Dear God, I’m always protecting my own interests and have failed to consider Your intention. I am truly lacking in conscience and reason! God, I’m ready to consider Your intention and do my best to support my brothers and sisters.” After that, I went to help and support them, trying to resolve their problems and difficulties.

One day, I heard a sister say, “Two years ago, over ten brothers and sisters from this church were arrested. Even now, some of them still haven’t been released. The police have even threatened they’ll raze our church to the ground.” I was so angry when I heard that—these demons were so despotic! But I also unconsciously became afraid, thinking, “After only two years, they’d come and arrested so many more members. And they even threatened to raze the church to the ground. If the police find out I am the church leader, won’t I become their primary target?” The thought of how our brothers and sisters had been tortured after being arrested made me quake with fear, “If I am really arrested, will I be able to withstand that torture? If I am beaten to death or become a Judas, won’t that be the end of me?” At that point, I heard that even more brothers and sisters had been arrested, and it seemed that it was just too dangerous to do my duty in this kind of environment. I thought I might be arrested by the police at any moment, making me feel incredibly timid and scared. I prayed to God and read His words: “Regardless of how ‘powerful’ Satan is, regardless of how audacious and ambitious it is, regardless of how great is its ability to inflict damage, regardless of how wide-ranging are the techniques with which it corrupts and lures man, regardless of how clever are the tricks and schemes with which it intimidates man, regardless of how changeable is the form in which it exists, it has never been able to create a single living thing, has never been able to set down laws or rules for the existence of all things, and has never been able to rule and control any object, whether animate or inanimate. Within the cosmos and the firmament, there is not a single person or object that was born from it, or exists because of it; there is not a single person or object that is ruled by it, or controlled by it. On the contrary, it not only has to live under the dominion of God, but, moreover, must submit to all of God’s orders and commands. Without God’s permission, it is difficult for Satan to touch even a drop of water or grain of sand upon the land; without God’s permission, Satan is not even free to move the ants about upon the land, let alone mankind, who was created by God. In the eyes of God, Satan is inferior to the lilies on the mountain, to the birds flying in the air, to the fish in the sea, and to the maggots on the earth. Its role among all things is to serve all things, to serve mankind, and to serve God’s work and His plan of management” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). Through God’s words, I realized that all things are under God’s sovereignty. No matter how savage Satan is, it is still in God’s hands. Without God’s permission, Satan wouldn’t dare make any false moves. I recalled how when Job was tried, without God’s permission, Satan could only injure his flesh but didn’t dare rob Job of his life. In the situation I find myself in, isn’t it entirely up to God whether I’ll be arrested? No matter how savage and ferocious Satan is, without God’s permission, it won’t get its way even if the great red dragon tries to apprehend me. If God does assent, then I won’t be able to escape even if I try. My life is in God’s hands and Satan has no say over it. Pondering over God’s words, I gained some knowledge of His authority and sovereignty, and I felt less timid and much more liberated. I wanted to arrange for the brothers and sisters to begin living their church lives again as soon as possible. During that time, Wang Xinjing and I prayed and relied upon God. We thought of ways to contact the brothers and sisters and provided support for them. As a result, they gradually started attending gatherings, living their church lives and doing their duties to the best of their abilities.

Later on, a sister that had been arrested and then released informed me that I’d been ratted out. The police already knew I was a leader and what village I lived in, and they even said they’d have the Security Bureau put out a warrant for me. When I learned of that, my heart leaped to my throat; I felt terribly anxious and scared. Given that the police already had so much information about me, I was liable to be arrested at any moment and any place. And if I were arrested, I’d certainly be tortured. The more I thought, the more frightened I became, and I had a temporary lapse into weakness. It seemed like believing in God in the country of the great red dragon was like walking on thin ice; mortal danger awaited me with every step. At the time, I thought, “I can go and hide out at my relatives’ place for a bit. Once things have cooled down here I can continue doing my duty.” But then I remembered that some brothers and sisters were feeling timid, negative and weak and were in dire need of watering and support. If I deserted my post at this crucial moment, wouldn’t I be rebelling against God and hurting His heart? I felt agonized and tormented, and didn’t know what I should do, so I prayed to God, asking that He give me strength and faith to continue doing my duty. Later, I saw this passage of God’s words: “In mainland China, the great red dragon has consistently and brutally suppressed, arrested, and persecuted believers in God, often placing them in dangerous environments. For instance, the government uses various pretexts to apprehend believers. Whenever they discover the area in which an antichrist resides, what’s the first thing the antichrist thinks about? It’s not about arranging the work of the church properly but how to escape from this dangerous situation. When the church faces suppression and arrests, the antichrists never engage in follow-up work. They don’t make arrangements for essential church resources or personnel. Instead, they find excuses and reasons in order to secure a safe place for themselves and be done with it. … Deep within the antichrists’ hearts, their personal safety always takes precedence. It’s an issue in their hearts that is a constant concern for them. They think to themselves, ‘I mustn’t get into trouble. Whoever might get caught, I can’t afford to be—I have to stay alive. I’m still waiting to share in god’s glory when the work of god is finished. If I get caught, I’ll act like Judas, and it’ll be over for me. There won’t be a good outcome for me. I’ll be punished.’ … After settling themselves down and feeling that they are out of harm’s way, that the danger is past, then the antichrists proceed to do some superficial work. Antichrists are quite meticulous in their arrangements, but it depends on who they are dealing with. They think very carefully about matters that concern their own interests, but when it comes to the work of the church or their own duties, they display their own selfishness and despicableness and show no responsibility, lacking even a hint of conscience or reason. It’s precisely because of these behaviors that they are classified as antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). God exposed how antichrists are particularly selfish, despicable, and lacking in humanity. They only care about their own interests and personal safety and don’t show the slightest concern for the church’s work. In periods of peace, they give people the false impression that they’re passionate about their duties, but at the slightest sign of danger, or any situation that may risk their personal safety, they retreat into their shells and hide away. No matter how many losses this causes to the church’s work and the brothers and sisters, these antichrists don’t care at all. I realized that my own actions were no different from an antichrist’s. When there was no present danger, it outwardly seemed like I could suffer and expend myself in my duty, but when things really got dangerous, I would shirk back, only thinking of protecting myself and passing off the risky duty to another sister. I looked on passively as the church’s work failed to make progress and the brothers and sisters were bereft of church life. I didn’t rise to the occasion and do the church’s work and only snapped out of it when I was disciplined. Once I heard that I’d been ratted out and the police were searching for me, I wanted to desert my post, not considering the church’s work at all. I was just so selfish and despicable! The reality of that situation revealed that I was as selfish as an antichrist. Whenever I felt in danger, I would want to abandon my duty and find a way to ensure my safety. I didn’t have the slightest loyalty to God and this was abhorrent to Him. Having realized this about myself, I felt remorseful and guilty. I read a passage of God’s words: “It is tremendously difficult for God to carry out His work in the land of the great red dragon—but it is through this difficulty that God does one stage of His work, making manifest His wisdom and His wondrous deeds, and using this opportunity to make this group of people complete. It is through people’s suffering, through their caliber, and through all the satanic dispositions of the people of this filthy land that God does His work of purification and conquest, so that, from this, He may gain glory, and so that He may gain those who will bear witness to His deeds. Such is the entire significance of all the sacrifices that God has made for this group of people” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Is the Work of God As Simple As Man Imagines?). Pondering over God’s words, I understood that it was inevitable, and also God’s preordainment, that we believers living under the CCP’s rule would be subject to persecution and tribulation. God was using the great red dragon’s persecution as a way of perfecting our faith and love. But when faced with a dangerous situation, I didn’t seek God’s intention and felt timid and scared, only caring for my own safety and even not wanting to do my duty. I saw that my faith was truly weak, and instead of bearing witness before God, I had become Satan’s laughingstock. Realizing this, I felt quite remorseful and indebted, and I didn’t want to abandon my post and live an ignoble existence any longer. I was ready to submit and put myself in God’s hands. I was happy to let God orchestrate whether I would be arrested, and whether I’d live or die. If I were arrested by the great red dragon, it would be with God’s permission and even if it meant my death, I would stand firm in my witness for Him. If they didn’t arrest me, it would be due to God’s mercy and protection, and I’d be even more determined to do my duty properly. Having realized this, I felt a bit more peaceful, and my previous anxiety and fright faded away.

After that, I reflected on why I only consider my own interests when faced with danger, instead of considering God’s intention. One day, I came upon a passage of God’s words: “All corrupt humans live for themselves. Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost—this is the summation of human nature. People believe in God for their own sake; when they forsake things and expend themselves for God, it is in order to be blessed, and when they are loyal to Him, it is still in order to be rewarded. In sum, it is all done for the purpose of being blessed, rewarded, and entering the kingdom of heaven. In society, people work for their own benefit, and in the house of God, they do a duty in order to be blessed. It is for the sake of gaining blessings that people forsake everything and can endure much suffering. There is no better evidence of man’s satanic nature. People whose dispositions have changed are different, they feel that meaning comes from living by the truth, that the basis of being human is submitting to God, fearing God and shunning evil, that accepting God’s commission is a responsibility that is perfectly natural and justified, that only people who fulfill the duties of a created being are fit to be called human—and if they are not able to love God and repay His love, they are unfit to be called human. They feel that living for oneself is empty and devoid of meaning, that people should live in order to satisfy God, to perform their duties well, and live lives of meaning, so that even when it is their time to die, they will feel content and not have the slightest regret, and that they have not lived in vain” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Through God’s words, I saw that the reason I continually protected myself in dangerous situations, wanting to abandon my duty and live an ignoble existence, was because my thinking was dominated by satanic philosophies like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “Let things drift if they do not affect one personally,” “Never lift a finger without a reward,” and so on. These philosophies became a part of my nature, and I always acted out of self-interest no matter what. I would betray God whenever my own interests were at stake. I thought about how ever since I’d come to this church and been put in a perilous situation, I only ever thought about my own safety. Despite knowing that I had to support those brothers and sisters as fast as I could, so that they could live their church life, I still hid away because I was scared of being arrested and tortured, passing my work off onto my sister without the slightest consideration of the church’s work or my sister’s safety. Even seeing that it was becoming too much for the sister to work alone, and the brothers and sisters couldn’t live their church life I still wouldn’t step up and do my duty. I was living according to Satan’s philosophies. I acted selfishly and despicably and I didn’t have the slightest humanity, conscience, or reason. God saves those who are loyal and submissive to Him, those that abandon their personal interests and safeguard the church’s work in crucial moments; only such people attain God’s approval. But in crucial moments, I abandoned ship and didn’t have any sincerity toward God. Seeing how selfish and despicable I was, even if I was able to evade the police and drag out an ignoble existence, why would God then choose to save me? I thought of how, in order to save humanity, God was incarnated in China and endured incredible humiliation and suffering, braving enormous danger to express His words and do His work, undergoing constant pursuit and persecution by the great red dragon, as well as the rejection and slander of the religious world, but God has never given up on saving us. God has given His all in His single-minded quest to save humankind. God’s essence is so unselfish and good and beautiful. As for me, I didn’t have any sincerity toward God, and still lived according to Satan’s philosophy and was selfish, despicable, treacherous and deceitful. I only considered my own safety while doing my duty and didn’t safeguard the church’s work at all. If I didn’t repent, God would detest me and eliminate me.

During my spiritual devotion, I read this passage of God’s words: “Those who serve God should be God’s intimates, they should be pleasing to God, and capable of the utmost loyalty to God. Whether you act in private or in public, you are able to gain the joy of God before God, you are able to stand firm before God, and regardless of how other people treat you, you always walk the path you should walk, and give every care to God’s burden. Only people like this are intimates of God. That God’s intimates are able to serve Him directly is because they have been given God’s great commission and God’s burden, they are able to make God’s heart their own, and take God’s burden as their own, and they give no consideration to their future prospects: Even when they have no prospects, and they stand to gain nothing, they will always believe in God with a God-loving heart. And so, this kind of person is God’s intimate. God’s intimates are also His confidants; only God’s confidants could share His restlessness, and His thoughts, and although their flesh is painful and weak, they are able to endure pain and forsake that which they love to satisfy God. God gives more burdens to such people, and that which God desires to do is borne out in such people’s testimony. Thus, these people are pleasing to God, they are servants of God who are in accordance with His intentions, and only people such as this can rule together with God. When you have truly become God’s intimate is precisely when you will rule together with God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. How to Serve in Harmony With God’s Intentions). Through God’s words, I realized that God loves those who consider His intentions and bear His burdens. No matter what situation arises, no matter how great the suffering they endure, and even if the road ahead looks bleak, they can give up what they love to satisfy God and don’t think about their own interests. Only such people are the ones that God will ultimately gain. In that crucial moment, when the brothers and sisters were arrested, I knew I should consider God’s intention, share His restlessness and His thoughts, protect the church’s work and fulfill my responsibilities and duties. Having realized this, I made a resolution: No matter what dangers lie ahead, I will do my duty well to comfort God’s heart.

One day, I heard that a leader from a neighboring church had been arrested. I realized the church’s books had to be transferred elsewhere quickly, otherwise they’d end up in the great red dragon’s hands. So, I contacted Sister Zhang Yi right away to help move the books together. When I arrived at our meeting place, she rushed over to me with a nervous look on her face and told me that she had been followed. It had been difficult for her to finally lose her tail, and she told me to transfer the books out as quickly as possible. Hearing that, my heart leaped to my throat and I felt nervous and scared. I thought, “The police are hiding in secret while we’re fully exposed. If the police track me down and arrest me, they’ll be surely to beat me to death!” The more I thought, the more scared I became and I wanted to have someone else transfer the books. But then I remembered that Zhang Yi had already set a time for us to meet with the brothers and sisters that safekept the books and there was no time to find a replacement. Also, the more delays there were during transfer, the higher the risk. While going back and forth in my mind, I realized that I was being timid and so I continually called out to God in my heart to give me faith and strength. Just then, I thought of a passage of God’s words: “When those who are loyal to God know clearly that an environment is dangerous, they still brave the risk of doing the work of handling the aftermath, and they keep the losses to God’s house to a minimum before they themselves withdraw. They do not give priority to their own safety. Tell Me, in this wicked country of the great red dragon, who could ensure that there is no danger at all in believing in God and doing a duty? Whatever duty one takes on, it entails some risk—yet the performance of duty is commissioned by God, and while following God, one must take on the risk of doing their duty. One should exercise wisdom, and one has need of taking measures to ensure their safety, but one should not put their personal safety first. They should consider God’s intentions, putting the work of His house first and putting the spread of the gospel first. Completing God’s commission of them is what matters most, and it comes first” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). Those who are loyal to God can consider His intentions. No matter how perilous the circumstances, they’re able to risk it all to complete the necessary follow-up work and fulfill their responsibilities. I thought of how in my years as a believer, I’d enjoyed so much of the watering and supply of God’s words, so now that it was time for me to do my duty, I couldn’t betray my conscience and stand by while the church’s interests were compromised. No matter how dangerous the circumstances, I had to find a way to transfer those books out of there. I couldn’t let them end up in the hands of the great red dragon. I thought of the Lord Jesus’ words which say: “Whoever will save his life shall lose it: but whoever will lose his life for My sake, the same shall save it” (Luke 9:24). Even if I was arrested and beaten to death for fulfilling my duty, it would be meaningful and approved of by God. I thought of how Peter was crucified upside down for God and had no concern for his own life, bearing strong and resounding testimony for God. I knew that I should emulate Peter, be loyal to God no matter what situation arose, and do my duty well to comfort God’s heart. God’s word gave me the faith and strength to no longer live in fear. I teamed up with the other brothers and sisters, using wisdom to evade the police, and with God’s care and protection, we successfully transferred the books. Thanks be to God!