By Lin Zhi, China

In the early evening of October 14, 2023, a sister informed me that a leader from Xinguang Church had been arrested by the police. I was shocked when I heard this and thought, “Oh no! Could it be my daughter?” I hurriedly opened the letter I had been given, only to read, “Min Jing has been arrested …” All the strength suddenly drained from my body and I thought, “My daughter has been arrested! Those police are so evil and despicable. There is nothing they won’t do in their savage persecution of believers. How could she endure this? My daughter is my own flesh and blood. How can I bear to let her suffer such torment?” It felt as if a knife were being twisted into my heart and I desperately wished that I could undergo that suffering in my daughter’s place. I felt especially worried because if the police knew my daughter was a leader, they would certainly pressure her to reveal details about the church. I worried that if she didn’t divulge those details, the police might cripple her with their beatings. If she were crippled at such a young age, how would she go on living going forward? If she were beaten to death, I would lose my daughter forever. My daughter had only been attending gatherings for two years and there was still much truth she still didn’t understand. How could God allow the police to arrest her? What’s more, my daughter had abandoned her career and her marriage to put all of her time into expending herself for God. Why hadn’t God protected her? Doesn’t God love man? I began to complain against God, and the more I thought about the whole matter, the more upset I became. I couldn’t keep the tears from streaming from my eyes. I wanted to read God’s words to rectify my state, but I just couldn’t get into it. I thought of two sisters I had partnered with before who, after being arrested, were pressured to sell out leaders and workers, were forcibly brainwashed and eventually betrayed God and became Judases. I was sure that the police would also pressure my daughter to sell out the church, and if they brainwashed her as well, and she ended up being misled and acting as a Judas, she would completely lose her chance at salvation! Thinking of this, I couldn’t help but complain in my heart, thinking, “Why didn’t God protect my daughter? Why did He allow this kind of situation to befall her?” I also blamed my daughter’s host sister for not being careful enough and for failing to realize how dangerous the situation had become and for not transferring my daughter to a different host home in time. After that, I was in a terrible state for several days—I couldn’t eat, sleep, or focus on my duty, and I didn’t even take heed when the sister I was partnered with fellowshipped God’s words with me. I couldn’t keep my imagination from running wild. I knew that if I carried on like this, I would delay my duty and my life would suffer, so I came before God in prayer, “Oh God! Ever since my daughter was arrested, I’ve become very negative and weak and have even complained against and misunderstood You. I don’t know what lesson I should learn from this situation. Please guide me to understand Your intention.”

After that, the sister I was partnered with read me this passage of God’s words: “People must frequently examine anything in their heart that is incompatible with God, or is a misunderstanding of Him. How do misunderstandings come about? Why do people misunderstand God? (Because their self-interest is affected.) After people see the facts about the Jewish exile from Judea, they feel hurt, and say, ‘At first, God loved the Israelites so much. He led them out of Egypt and through the Red Sea, gave them manna from the heavens and spring water to drink, then personally gave them laws to lead them, and taught them how to live. God’s love for man was overflowing—people who lived back then were so blessed! How could God’s attitude do a one-eighty in the blink of an eye? Where did all His love go?’ People’s feelings cannot get past this, and they begin to doubt, saying, ‘Is God love or isn’t He? Why isn’t His original attitude toward the Israelites visible anymore? His love has disappeared without a trace. Does He have any love at all?’ This is where people’s misunderstanding starts. What is the context in which people form misunderstandings? Could it be because God’s actions are not compatible with people’s notions and imaginings? Is this fact what causes people to misunderstand God? Is the reason people misunderstand God not because they limit their definition of His love? They think, ‘God is love. Therefore, He should look out for and protect people, and shower them with grace and blessings. This is what God’s love is! I like it when God loves people this way. I could especially see how much God loved people when He led them through the Red Sea. People back then were so blessed! I wish I could be one of them.’ When you are enamored with this story, you treat the love God revealed in that instant as the highest truth, and the single marker of His essence. You limit your definition of Him in your heart, and treat everything God did at that moment as the highest truth. You think that this is God’s most lovely side, and the one that most compels people to respect and fear Him, and that this is God’s love. In actuality, God’s actions themselves were positive, but because of your limited definitions, they became notions in your mind, and a basis on which you define God. They make you misunderstand God’s love, as though there is nothing else to it than mercy, caring, protection, guidance, grace, and blessings—as though that is all God’s love is. Why do you cherish these aspects of love so much? Is it because it is tied to your own self-interest? (Yes, it is.) Which self-interests is it tied to? (The pleasures of the flesh and a comfortable life.) When people believe in God they want to obtain these things from Him, but not other things. People do not want to think about judgment, chastisement, trials, refinement, suffering for God, giving things up and expending themselves, or even sacrificing their own lives. People just want to enjoy God’s love, care, protection, and guidance, so they define God’s love as the only characteristic of His essence, and His only essence. Did the things God did when leading the Israelites across the Red Sea not become the source of people’s notions? (Yes, they did.) This formed a context in which people formed notions about God. If they formed notions about God, then can they achieve a true understanding of God’s work and disposition? It is obvious that not only will they not understand, but they will misinterpret it and form notions about it. This proves that man’s understanding is too narrow, and is not true understanding. For it is not the truth, but rather a type of love and understanding which people analyze and interpret from God based on their own notions, imaginings, and selfish desires; it is not compatible with God’s true essence. In what other ways does God love people other than through mercy, salvation, care, protection, and by listening to their prayers? (With chastening, discipline, pruning, judgment, chastisement, trials, and refinement.) That is correct. God shows His love in an abundance of ways: by striking, disciplining, reproaching, and with judgment, chastisement, trials, refinement, and so on. These are all aspects of God’s love. Only this perspective is comprehensive and in line with the truth. If you understand this, when you examine yourself and realize you have misunderstandings about God, are you not then able to recognize your distortions, and to do a good job reflecting on where you went wrong? Can this not help you resolve your misunderstandings about God? (Yes, it can.) In order to accomplish this, you must seek the truth. So long as people seek the truth, they can eliminate their misunderstandings about God, and once they have eliminated their misunderstandings about God, they can submit to all of God’s arrangements” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Understanding the Truth Can One Know God’s Deeds). Through reading God’s words, I realized that I was living in a state of misunderstanding of God because I had delimited God’s love. In my notions and imaginings, I believed that God’s love consisted of mercy, lovingkindness, protection and blessings. Persecution, hardship, trials and refinements didn’t fit my notion and I believed that they were not God’s love, so after my daughter was arrested, I complained against and misunderstood God and was unable to submit to the situation He had orchestrated. I reflected on how, in the past, I had been forced to leave home because I was being hunted by the police. At the time, my daughter was still quite young and she was able to grow up in good health under God’s care and protection. I thought that this was what God’s love consisted of. After believing in God, my daughter began doing her duty in the church. I thought that since our whole family was expending ourselves for God, we would certainly have good outcomes and destinations, so I thought even more that this was God’s love and thanked God in my heart. Now, my daughter had been arrested and it was highly likely that she would be tortured. If she couldn’t withstand this persecution and became a Judas, she would lose her chance at salvation. This made me question God’s love, blame God for not protecting my daughter, and develop a misunderstanding of Him in my heart. My perception of God’s love was completely predicated on what was favorable to me. If God ensured that everything went smoothly and peacefully for my family and outcomes were favorable for my family, I would say that God is love. But when situations didn’t accord with my notions and were not favorable to my family, I would deny God’s love. I thought that God’s love consisted of mercy, lovingkindness, protection and blessings, but this was my notion and imagining and didn’t accord with truth. God’s love doesn’t just consist of mercy and lovingkindness, it also consists of judgment, chastisement, trials and refinements. My daughter’s arrest might have seemed like a bad thing, but if she was able to seek the truth and stand firm in her testimony, her faith and will to undergo suffering would be perfected. This would actually be a good thing for my daughter. What’s more, my daughter’s arrest helped reveal my notions, imaginings and unreasonable demands of God, allowing me to reflect on my corruption and impurities. I also understood that one shouldn’t seek grace and blessings in one’s faith and should focus on what is most important: experiencing God’s work and words, attaining the truth, casting off corruption and achieving dispositional transformation. I saw that no matter what God does, it is always a manifestation of His salvation and love.

Afterward, I continued to seek with regard to my issue. When my daughter was arrested, I constantly made demands of and complained against God in my heart—what was the nature of my problem? In the midst of my seeking, I came across this passage of God’s words: “Some ignorant parents cannot comprehend life or destiny, do not recognize God’s sovereignty, and tend to do ignorant things when it comes to their children. For example, after their children become independent, they may encounter certain special situations, hardships, or major incidents; some face illnesses, some get involved in lawsuits, some get divorced, some are deceived and scammed, and some are kidnapped, harmed, severely beaten, or face death. There are even some who fall into drug abuse, and so on. What should parents do in these special and significant situations? What is the typical reaction of most parents? Do they do what they ought to do as created beings with the identity of parents? Very seldom do parents hear such news and react as they would if it had happened to a stranger. A majority of parents stay up all night till their hair turns gray, they lose sleep night after night, have no appetite during the day, rack their brains with thinking, and some even weep bitterly, till their eyes turn red and their tears run dry. They pray fervently to God, for God to take their own faith into account and protect their children, show them favor and bless them, show mercy, and spare their lives. As parents in such a situation, their human weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and feelings toward their children are all exposed. What else is revealed? Their rebelliousness against God. They implore God and pray to Him, beseeching Him to keep their children from calamity. Even if a disaster occurs, they pray that their children won’t die, that they can escape danger, they won’t be harmed by evil people, their illnesses won’t grow more severe but will improve, and so on. What are they really praying for? (God, with these prayers they are making demands of God, with an undertone of complaint.) In one respect, they are extremely dissatisfied with their children’s plight, complaining that God shouldn’t have allowed such things to happen to their children. Their dissatisfaction is mixed with complaint, and they ask God to change His mind, not to act like this, to deliver their children from danger, to keep them safe, to heal their sickness, to help them escape lawsuits, to avert calamity when it arises, and so on—in short, to make everything go smoothly. By praying like this, in one respect, they are complaining to God, and in another, they are making demands of Him. Isn’t this a manifestation of rebelliousness? (It is.) Implicitly, they are saying that what God is doing is not right or good, that He shouldn’t act like this. Because these are their children, and they are believers, they think God shouldn’t let such things happen to their children. Their children are different from others; they should receive preferential blessings from God. On account of their faith in God, He ought to bless their children, and if He does not, they become distressed, they cry, throw a tantrum, and no longer want to follow God. If their child dies, they feel that they can’t go on living either. Is that the sentiment they have in mind? (Yes.) Isn’t this a form of protest against God? (It is.) This is protesting against God” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). God exposes how parents make unreasonable requests of Him when their children meet with misfortunes, believing God should act in this or that way and blaming Him if He does not act accordingly. This is protesting against God. I was in just such a state. As soon as I heard that my daughter had been arrested, I became worried and frightened that the police would torture and torment her, and I was even more worried that she would sell out her brothers and sisters, become a Judas and not have a good outcome. Without even realizing it, I began to complain against God, thinking, “After all, my daughter abandoned her career to expend herself for God full time. How could God not protect her?” I was always either misunderstanding God or making unreasonable demands of Him. How lacking in reason I was! I thought about how God holds sovereignty over and arranges every situation that we encounter every day. Yet, I didn’t understand God’s sovereignty and became unreasonable and antagonistic toward God when my daughter was arrested. Then, when the sister I was partnered with tried to fellowship God’s words with me, I wouldn’t even listen to her and didn’t accept God’s words. If I didn’t resolve this state of mine and something awful happened to my daughter, I would surely complain and might even turn against God and betray Him! I thought of how when Job underwent trials and lost all of his property and children and his body broke out in boils, he recognized that God had given him his property and children, and that it was with God’s permission that they were taken away. As such, he didn’t complain or argue with God, and he was able to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements and even praised God’s name. As for me, when faced with my daughter’s arrest, I began to doubt God’s almightiness, sovereignty and authority, continually worrying and feeling afraid and even making demands of and arguing with God. I was rebelling against and resisting God! Realizing this, I no longer wanted to rebel against or resist God anymore. No matter what happened to my daughter, whether or not she was tortured or would have a good destination and outcome, I would not complain against God and would submit in all things to His sovereignty and arrangements.

Later on, I came across these passages of God’s words: “In God’s eyes, the lives of children and parents are independent. They do not belong to each other, nor do they have a hierarchical relationship. Of course, they certainly do not have a relationship of owning or being owned. Their lives come from God, and God is sovereign over their destinies. It’s simply that children are born from their parents, parents are older than their children, and children younger than their parents; yet, based on this relationship, this superficial phenomenon, people believe that children are the accessories and private property of their parents. This isn’t looking at the matter from its roots, but only considering it based on the surface-level, the flesh, and one’s affections. Therefore, this manner of consideration is itself wrong, and this perspective is wrong. Isn’t that so? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). “Besides birth and childrearing, the parents’ responsibility in their children’s lives is simply to provide them with a formal environment to grow up in, for nothing except the predestination of the Creator has a bearing on a person’s fate. No one can control what kind of future a person will have; it is predetermined long in advance, and not even one’s parents can change one’s fate. As far as fate is concerned, everyone is independent, and everyone has their own fate. So, no one’s parents can stave off one’s fate in life or exert the slightest influence on the role one plays in life. It could be said that the family into which one is destined to be born and the environment in which one grows up are nothing more than the preconditions for fulfilling one’s mission in life. They do not in any way determine a person’s fate in life or the kind of destiny within which a person fulfills their mission. And so, no one’s parents can assist one in accomplishing one’s mission in life, and likewise, no one’s relatives can help one assume one’s role in life. How one accomplishes one’s mission and in what kind of living environment one performs one’s role are entirely determined by one’s fate in life” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). Through God’s words, I realized that it was mistaken to think of my daughter as my own “personal property” because she was my flesh and blood. Man’s life derives from God—it is God that gives man his vital breath. A parent’s role is just to give birth to children and raise them to adulthood. Once this is completed, our mission is done. Each person is independent; parents and children have their own fates and each of us must live according to the trajectory ordained by the Creator, carrying out our responsibilities. I also realized that the reason I worried about my daughter’s flesh undergoing suffering and, as her mother, wanted to suffer in her stead, was due to a lack of understanding of God’s sovereignty. In reality, what experiences we will have, what suffering we will undergo and what role we must play in life are pre-ordained, so my concern was unnecessary. No matter how much I worried, it wouldn’t change anything and wouldn’t have any bearing on my daughter’s future and fate. If, after being arrested, my daughter cravenly did whatever necessary to cling to life, selling out her brothers and sisters to protect her own interests, became a Judas and was expelled, then it was determined by her nature essence and the path she walked. No one could change that. After realizing this, I instantly felt a bit clearer. I knew that I had to give my daughter over to God, submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, put my heart into my work and do my duty well. Later, after eating and drinking some of God’s words, I came to realize that what God is doing in the last days is the work of perfecting, and revealing and eliminating people. God uses the great red dragon to purify the church. For those that pursue the truth, no matter what sinister plot the CCP hatches or what rumors and fallacies it fabricates, they will not be misled, will not deny or betray God and will be able to stand firm in their testimony to God. As for those that do not pursue the truth and those who are not of God, they will be revealed and eliminated through these environments. God uses these adverse circumstances to test people: Those who stand firm in their testimony are wheat, while those who cannot stand firm are the abandoned chaff. This is one of the methods in God’s process of testing people and is the wisdom of God’s work. Whether or not my daughter could pass this test and was able to bear testimony depended upon how she pursued the truth in normal times and also depended on her nature essence and the path she had chosen. If she was able to stand firm in her testimony to God, that would show that she had true faith in God. If, during this trial, she denied and betrayed God, this would be God’s way of revealing her. God is righteous to all people. Having realized this, I felt liberated and calm.

It’s been two months since my daughter was arrested and I still haven’t heard any news regarding her situation, but I know that her fate is in God’s hands and I am not constrained by her situation. What’s more, I have realized that I need to cherish the opportunity I still have to do my duty and perform my responsibilities well. Once I put aside my worry and concern for my daughter, I am able to put my heart into my duty.