By Xin Ming, China

On the evening of April 15, 2022, at a little past 10 p.m., I received a letter from the leader saying that four brothers and sisters from my hometown church had been arrested. Seeing these familiar names, I felt especially heavy in my heart. One of the sisters had once performed her duties with me, and we had both been investigated by the police over the phone. Would her arrest implicate me as well? I felt a bit scared. Subsequently, I heard that another five brothers and sisters had been arrested, two of whom were church leaders. At noon on the 21st, I received another letter from the leader saying that they had lost contact with my hometown church and asked if I could go back to understand the situation, check if the stored books of God’s words were in danger, and see if they could be relocated. After reading the letter, I was particularly anxious. If the books of God’s words were seized by the police, the loss would be significant. But I had left the local church ten years ago and didn’t know where the books were stored. Suddenly, I thought of my mother who had always been in the church and would probably know the situation. But then a selfish thought arose in my heart: “If I say that my mother can find the house where the books are kept, the leader will definitely arrange for me to go back. The Communist Party’s crackdown is so severe now; if I go back at this time, wouldn’t I be walking right into the line of fire? If I were arrested and imprisoned, could I withstand the torture? Just thinking about the scenes of brothers and sisters being tortured by the police after their arrests scares me. I’d better just stay here; going back is too dangerous!” Thinking of this, I didn’t immediately reply to the leader agreeing to go back. But then I thought of how, over the years, I had enjoyed many of God’s graces and the supply of the truth without having done much for God. Especially now, my efforts in doing my duties hadn’t yielded much fruit, and I often lived by my corrupt disposition. I had already owed God too much. Now, with many brothers and sisters from my hometown church being arrested and losing contact, I couldn’t just stand by and watch, nor could I let the books of God’s words be seized by the great red dragon. At this moment, a line from a hymn floated into my mind: “The time has come to display our loyalty to God; we shall suffer for testifying to Him.” God hoped that in times of danger and hardship, I could prioritize the interests of God’s family. But I was afraid of being arrested if I went back, and all I thought about was my own interests. I had no loyalty to God at all, I was too selfish! When the church faced persecution and hardship, I was just trying to save my own skin. I was really devoid of conscience! When the church work needed me, if I didn’t stand up now, I would definitely feel guilty and regret it deeply later. I couldn’t be a coward anymore; I had to do my best to protect the books of God’s words. After realizing this, I quickly wrote back to the leader, telling her that I could go back and find my mom to understand the situation.

Later, the leader came to see me and fellowshipped with me in detail how to cooperate once I returned to my hometown. She repeatedly urged me not to contact the brothers and sisters of the church or my mom directly after I went back, as it was uncertain whether they were under police surveillance. She also told me to first find out if my mom was safe before meeting her to discuss the books of God’s words. At that time, I was both nervous and scared. I was afraid of being arrested by the police, and I was nervous because I had never dealt with such a situation before and didn’t know if I could handle it well. After the leader left, I hurried to read God’s words. God says: “You should not be afraid of this and that; no matter how many difficulties and dangers you might face, you are capable of remaining steady before Me, unobstructed by any hindrance, so that My will may be carried out unimpeded. This is your duty…. You must endure all; for Me, you must be ready to relinquish everything you possess and do everything you can to follow Me, and be ready to expend your all. Now is the time that I shall test you: Will you offer your loyalty to Me? Can you loyally follow Me to the end of the road? Be not afraid; with My support, who could ever block this road? Remember this! Do not forget! All that occurs is by My goodwill, and everything is under My observation. Can you follow My word in all that you say and do? When the trials of fire come upon you, will you kneel down and call out? Or will you cower, incapable of moving forward?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 10). When I read these words of God, which say: “Now is the time that I shall test you: Will you offer your loyalty to Me?” “When the trials of fire come upon you, will you kneel down and call out? Or will you cower, incapable of moving forward?” it felt like God was clearly telling me that the current circumstances were laid out by Him, that it was a test for me. I felt that God was scrutinizing my heart to see if I would prioritize my own interests and be fearful and shrink back during persecution and hardship, or if I would prioritize the interests of God’s house and safely relocate the books of God’s words. I also felt that God was hoping I could perform well. I didn’t want to disappoint God’s intention, nor did I want to be a coward who just tries to survive, so I quickly knelt down and prayed to God, “God, my stature is too small; I have never experienced such circumstances before, and I am very nervous, afraid that I will not do this duty well. God, please guide me and help me to calm my heart.” After praying, I felt much calmer.

By the time I arrived in my hometown, it was already past 8 p.m. Walking on the street, I felt uneasy, not knowing how the brothers and sisters were doing, whether the books of God’s words were safe, and whether any danger would come upon me. In my heart, I continuously asked God to help me keep my heart calm. When I reached my younger brother’s door, I hesitated, knowing that my brother was opposed to my faith in God. When my father passed away from illness, I didn’t go back, and my brother personally told me, “From now on, you’re not my sister anymore.” I didn’t know whether he would help me. My heart grew tense again, and I stood in the corridor for several minutes, not daring to go in. I silently prayed in my heart, and I gradually felt calmer and gained the courage to knock on the door. To my surprise, my brother didn’t show any hostility. I also learned from him that my mother was safe for the time being. On the day the brothers and sisters were arrested, she happened to be moving to a new place, and now no one in the church knew where she lived. I quickly went to see my mother. I thought, “My mother had lived in her previous house for seven years, and every brother and sister in the church knew her place. It would have been so easy for the police to find her, so it’s fortunate that she moved—otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to contact her. Isn’t it God’s orchestration and arrangement that my mom moved in advance?” At this moment, I felt that my stature was too small, and that I had no faith in God whatsoever. Initially, I hadn’t dared to come back, fearing that I would be arrested and that I wouldn’t find the house where the books were safekept. Now I saw that God had arranged everything. Seeing God’s almightiness and sovereignty, I gained faith. My mother said that she knew four houses where the books of God’s words were kept two years ago, but she didn’t know whether there had been any changes now. A sister named Li Han was in charge of this matter, and it was more accurate to get the information from her. Besides, with an introduction from Li Han, the safekeepers of the books would trust us. I thought, “Li Han’s house is a shop, and almost all the arrested people know it. If she is under police surveillance, won’t my mother and I be arrested too?” Those police officers are devils who harm people. Some of the arrested brothers and sisters were scalded with boiling water, some were stripped naked and shocked all over their bodies with electric batons, and others were handcuffed and hung upside down. Just thinking about these cruel scenes made me tremble. I thought, “If I get arrested, won’t I also have to endure this kind of torture? If they shot me dead and made it quick, that would be fine, and I would die without much suffering. Maybe I would become a martyr, and my soul would be saved. But these devils are insidious and vicious. They force the arrested brothers and sisters to deny God and sell out the church leaders and the church’s funds. If the brothers and sisters refuse to speak, they are subjected to various torture, and if they still don’t speak, they are imprisoned and tormented by the inmates. The police use all kinds of vicious methods, truly making it like hell on earth, where people can neither live nor die and suffer excruciating torment! I haven’t suffered much during my life, and even a headache or fever makes me quite uncomfortable. How can I bear such inhumane torture? My mother is also old, and if she is arrested, she will suffer terribly even if she doesn’t die.” Thinking of this, I told my mother, “If Li Han is being watched by the police, we might also be arrested. I don’t think we should contact Li Han.” After hearing this, my mother didn’t push the matter any further.

It was already late at night after we finished discussing this, and lying in bed, I couldn’t sleep, thinking, “My mother doesn’t know exactly where the books are kept, and if we go there hastily, will the safekeeping families hand over the books to us easily? It would be more reliable to get in touch with Li Han.” I realized that my reluctance to contact Li Han was because I feared being implicated and was still protecting my own interests, so I quickly sought God’s words to resolve my state. I read this passage from God’s words: “Antichrists are extremely selfish and despicable. They do not have true faith in God, much less loyalty to God; when they encounter an issue, they only protect and safeguard themselves. For them, nothing is more important than their own safety. As long as they can live and won’t get arrested, they don’t care how much harm is done to the work of the church. These people are extremely selfish, they don’t think of the brothers and sisters at all, or of the work of the church, they only think of their own safety. They are antichrists. So when such things befall those who are loyal to God and have true faith in God, how do they handle them? How does what they do differ from what antichrists do? (When such things befall those who are loyal to God, they will think of any way to safeguard the interests of the house of God, to protect against losses to the offerings of God, and they will make the necessary arrangements for the leaders and workers, and the brothers and sisters, to minimize losses. Antichrists, meanwhile, make sure they are protected first. They are not concerned about the work of the church or the safety of God’s chosen people, and when the church is faced with arrests, it results in a loss to church work.) Antichrists abandon the work of the church and God’s offerings, and they do not arrange for people to handle the aftermath. This is the same as permitting the great red dragon to seize God’s offerings and His chosen people. Is this not a covert betrayal of God’s offerings and His chosen people? When those who are loyal to God know clearly that an environment is dangerous, they still brave the risk of doing the work of handling the aftermath, and they keep the losses to God’s house to a minimum before they themselves withdraw. They do not give priority to their own safety. Tell Me, in this wicked country of the great red dragon, who could ensure that there is no danger at all in believing in God and doing a duty? Whatever duty one takes on, it entails some risk—yet the performance of duty is commissioned by God, and while following God, one must take on the risk of doing their duty. One should exercise wisdom, and one has need of taking measures to ensure their safety, but one should not put their personal safety first. They should consider God’s intentions, putting the work of His house first and putting the spread of the gospel first. Completing God’s commission of them is what matters most, and it comes first. Antichrists give top priority to their personal safety; they believe that nothing else has anything to do with them. They do not care when something happens to someone else, regardless of who it might be. As long as nothing bad happens to the antichrists themselves, they feel at ease. They are devoid of any loyalty, which is determined by the antichrists’ nature essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). After reading God’s words, I felt deeply distressed and upset, thinking that God’s words were judging me. The disposition I revealed was just like that of antichrists. The antichrists, when facing danger and hardship, only consider their own safety and how to protect themselves, showing no loyalty to God and disregarding the interests of God’s family and the safety of the brothers and sisters. They are extremely selfish and despicable. Now, with the church facing arrests, protecting the books of God’s words was the most important task at this time of danger, and it was something anyone with a conscience and humanity ought to do. At this critical juncture, I was only thinking of preserving myself, not considering how to safely and securely relocate the books. Where was my loyalty to God? If I acted rashly, if I didn’t find the safekeeping homes, or if they didn’t hand over the books to us, it would delay the relocation of the books. If these books were seized by the police due to not being relocated in time, I would be held responsible! God’s words are the sustenance of human life. To understand the truth, know oneself, cast off corrupt dispositions, and achieve salvation, one cannot do without God’s words. God’s words are even more important than human life. Brothers and sisters risk their lives to deliver God’s words to the church so that more people can read them, understand the truth, and attain God’s salvation. Those who sincerely believe in God would certainly risk their lives to protect the books of God’s words, but at this crucial moment, I was only thinking of protecting myself. The more I thought about it, the more I felt I had no humanity at all. I also thought of Peter, who endured a lot of suffering and was even imprisoned while working and shepherding the church for the Lord. During the final persecution of Christians by the Roman emperor, Peter had already escaped the city. When the Lord Jesus revealed Himself to Peter, he understood that this meant the Lord Jesus wanted him to be crucified, so he submitted and returned to Rome, where he was ultimately crucified upside down, giving a testimony of supreme love to God. Although I cannot compare to Peter, the church had entrusted this task to me, and it was my responsibility and duty. I ought to be loyal to God, prioritize the interests of God’s house, cooperate in any way that I could, and put forth my best effort. Realizing this, I prayed to God in repentance.

Early the next morning, I contacted a sister to get in touch with Li Han, and arranged to meet her. When Li Han saw us, she said anxiously, “One of the people who were arrested has become a Judas. Now one sister from a safekeeping family has been arrested, and the other families are also in danger. We hope you can quickly come and move the books.” Hearing Li Han’s words, I realized the gravity of the situation and felt even more anxious. I quickly went with Li Han to identify the other safekeeping homes. We were very cautious on the way, constantly observing our surroundings, and I kept praying in my heart. After identifying the families, I arranged for a car to come relocate the books. To my surprise, once we got on the highway, we found that the police checks were very strict. Each car was inspected for several minutes before it could pass, and there were several traffic police officers maintaining order nearby. Seeing this situation, I became nervous again. If we were caught, we wouldn’t be able to relocate the books. I prayed to God continuously in my heart. I thought of God’s words which say: “Any and all things, whether living or dead, will shift, change, renew, and disappear in accordance with God’s thoughts. Such is the way in which God presides over all things” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God Is the Source of Man’s Life). Indeed, both the living and the non-living are under God’s sovereignty and arrangement, and the thoughts and ideas of those who do not believe in God are also under His control. Whether we could pass through smoothly today was in God’s hands, and I needed to have faith. At that moment, our car was stopped for inspection. To my surprise, the inspector knew the brother driving the car and let us pass without checking. I saw God’s protection.

Afterward, I reflected on myself, thinking, “Why am I so afraid of being arrested? If I don’t resolve this issue, there’s no telling when I might fall.” I saw a passage of God’s words: “You must suffer hardship for the truth, you must give yourself to the truth, you must endure humiliation for the truth, and to gain more of the truth you must undergo more suffering. This is what you should do. You must not throw away the truth for the sake of a peaceful family life, and you must not lose your life’s dignity and integrity for the sake of momentary enjoyment. You should pursue all that is beautiful and good, and you should pursue a path in life that is more meaningful. If you lead such a vulgar life, and do not pursue any objectives, do you not waste your life? What can you gain from such a life? You should forsake all enjoyments of the flesh for the sake of one truth, and should not throw away all truths for the sake of a little enjoyment. People like this have no integrity or dignity; there is no meaning to their existence!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). After reading God’s words, I realized that suffering for the truth is the most valuable thing. Only through adversity can one gain the truth. Take the brothers and sisters who endured torture, for instance. They experienced the torture and inhumane abuse, but they developed a true understanding and hatred of the Communist Party’s ugly face and evil essence, and their hearts became more steadfast in following God. Some brothers and sisters, when on the verge of death, called out to God and witnessed His wonderful protection, gaining a real understanding of God’s almightiness and sovereignty and developing genuine faith. Although they suffered greatly, they gave testimonies that triumphed over Satan. All of these things could not be gained in a comfortable environment; their suffering was profoundly meaningful! I hadn’t understood the truth or known the value and significance of suffering, always afraid of fleshly suffering and avoiding the environments that God had laid out for me. Wasn’t this blindness and ignorance on my part? I also thought of this passage from God’s words: “As members of the human race and devout Christians, it is the responsibility and obligation of us all to offer up our minds and bodies for the fulfillment of God’s commission, for our entire being came from God, and it exists thanks to the sovereignty of God. If our minds and bodies are not for God’s commission and not for the just cause of mankind, then our souls will feel unworthy of those who were martyred for God’s commission, and much more unworthy of God, who has provided us with everything” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Appendix 2: God Presides Over the Fate of All Mankind). My life is given by God. It was God who brought me before Him and gave me the opportunity to pursue the truth and receive salvation. As a person with a conscience and reason, I should live for God. Relocating the books of God’s words today was my responsibility. Even if I was really arrested and suffered physically, I had to fulfill my duty. I thought of the saints throughout history who were persecuted and martyred for their testimony of God: Peter was crucified upside down for God, Stephen was stoned to death, some were killed by the sword, sawn in half, or boiled in oil, and others were dismembered by five horses. They all dedicated themselves to the righteous cause of humanity, which is remembered and honored by God. If I was arrested and imprisoned for relocating God’s books today, it would also be suffering for righteousness. Realizing this, I resolved to rebel against my flesh and was willing to do my utmost in this duty.

Later, I learned that one of those arrested had become a Judas and was leading the police in arresting brothers and sisters. The number of people arrested had increased to nineteen, and the police had a list and were using photos to have the Judas identify people. These brothers and sisters needed to hide quickly. Hearing such news, I thought, “The situation has become so severe, even worse than I imagined. If I go to relocate the books now, it’s very likely I’ll be arrested. Can I endure the police’s torture?” I knew I was once again timid and afraid, so I quickly knelt down to pray, “God, hearing about the church’s situation has made me afraid again. I fear being arrested and suffering physically. God, please guide and lead me to not live according to my selfish and despicable corrupt disposition and to complete this duty.” At that moment, I recalled these words of God: “On the road to Jerusalem, Jesus was in agony, as if a knife were being twisted in His heart, yet He had not the slightest intention of going back on His word; always there was a powerful force compelling Him onward to where He would be crucified. Ultimately, He was nailed to the cross and became the likeness of sinful flesh, completing the work of the redemption of mankind. He broke free of the shackles of death and Hades. Before Him, mortality, hell, and Hades lost their power, and were vanquished by Him” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. How to Serve in Harmony With God’s Intentions). When the Lord Jesus carried the cross to Golgotha, He was beaten severely, His body was bruised, and His face was covered in blood, suffering greatly. Yet, He showed no sign of regretting. To redeem all of humanity, He willingly endured these sufferings and was crucified. In the end, He overcame Satan and completed the work of redeeming the entire mankind. The Lord Jesus, fully aware of the immense suffering required by the crucifixion, did not retreat. Even if it meant enduring suffering Himself, He would save mankind from sin. Thinking about this, I felt deeply inspired. Then, reflecting on myself, I realized that I kept retreating in the face of danger and tribulation, and my behavior was so base and despicable! The situation I faced today was also a test, determining whether I would choose to be loyal to God or to myself at this crucial moment. I could no longer be selfish and only consider my own flesh; I needed to follow the example of the Lord Jesus, even if it meant being arrested, imprisoned, or tortured to death, I had to relocate the books of God’s words. Satisfying God, even once, would be worthwhile. When I thought this, I felt a surge of strength throughout my body, and I was energized to cooperate. I knew this was all given by God, and I was deeply grateful.

Afterward, we safely relocated books from three houses. By the time we were relocating books from the fourth house, it was already past midnight. There were two dogs at a neighbor’s house that barked incessantly at any sound. I was so nervous that my heart felt like it was in my throat, fearing that the neighbors might discover us and call the police. I kept calling out to God in my heart. To my relief, after we finished loading the car, the neighbors didn’t come out. Seeing God’s protection, I thanked Him fervently. Thus, we successfully and safely relocated books from four safekeeping homes without any incidents. On the way back, we shared our experiences, and the joy we felt was beyond words.

Through this experience, I gained some understanding of God’s almightiness and sovereignty. From my mother moving house on the day the brothers and sisters were arrested, to my brother helping me understand the situation and our smooth passage through the checkpoints—these were all under God’s sovereignty and arrangement. The safe relocation of the books this time was entirely due to God’s guidance. Without the enlightenment of God’s words and the strength God provided, I would have been unable to rebel against my flesh and lacked the faith to cooperate. This was all the result of God’s words.