By Zhang Meng, China

My father got sick and died before I turned one year old. My mom had to work two jobs to raise us five kids. She worked from dawn to dusk every day and was both mother and father to us. My heart ached and I made a silent vow, “When I grow up, I’m going to look after mom so that she can live without worry.” To lessen my mom’s burden, I helped do chores after school, but my mom loved me so much she didn’t want that and just wanted me to study hard. I said to her, “You’re so exhausted. Won’t it make your life a little easier if I helped you?” My mom replied, “It doesn’t matter that I’m tired. When you kids are grown up and looking after me, won’t I be living a comfortable life? Look at your cousin, her mom died early and her dad raised her by himself. After she got married, she took care of everything for her dad—food, clothing, and everything else he needed. Isn’t he living a comfortable life?” One time, my cousin said to me, “Crows know to feed their parents. My dad endured all kinds of hardships to raise me. If I don’t take care of him, then wouldn’t I be no better than a beast?” I thought then that I wanted to be just like my cousin when I grew up and look after my mom. After I married, although I didn’t have a good job or good income, I did all I could to help my mom materially, and I often brought her to my home to look after her. My neighbors all praised me, saying, “Although her daughter lives far away, she does the most to take care of her mother.” This made me feel so good. I felt that this is how I, as a child, should act and that only by doing this could I repay my mother’s kindness.

In 1999, I accepted God’s new work. From God’s words, I understood God’s urgent intention to save man and joined in with preaching the gospel. Toward the end of 2003, I was arrested while preaching the gospel. After being released, I was forced to leave home to work and rented a place to avoid the police tailing and surveilling me. I heard later that the police went to my village secretly looking into me three times in six months, asking where I was renting a place. From then on, I lived like a vagrant and couldn’t bring my mom to my home and look after her like I used to. I felt so indebted to my mom. Especially when I heard that she had been abused by my sister-in-law when she was sick, I felt heartbroken and upset, and even regretted having gone out to preach the gospel. “If I hadn’t preached the gospel, I wouldn’t have been arrested, and I wouldn’t have had to leave home. Then I’d be able to be by my mom’s side taking care of her.” I realized that my state was wrong, and that preaching the gospel was my responsibility and mission. Wasn’t me regretting preaching the gospel and doing my duty a manifestation of betraying God? At a gathering, I told the leader about my state and the leader showed me a passage of God’s words: “People all live in a state of feelings, and so God does not avoid a single one of them, and exposes the secrets hidden in the hearts of all mankind. Why is it so hard for people to separate themselves from their feelings? Does doing so surpass the standards of conscience? Can conscience fulfill God’s will? Can feelings help people through adversity? In God’s eyes, feelings are His enemy—has this not been clearly stated in God’s words?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Interpretations of the Mysteries of “God’s Words to the Entire Universe,” Chapter 28). After reading God’s words, I realized that I was indeed living in my feelings, and that feelings had pulled the wool over my eyes so that I couldn’t tell right from wrong. I was preaching the gospel so that people could come before God and accept His salvation. This was a just thing and the duty I should do. Since ancient times, haven’t there been many true believers who’ve forsaken everything to follow and expend for God? Take Peter. When the Lord Jesus called him, he immediately dropped his fishing nets and followed the Lord. Realizing this, I gained more faith. I resolved to do my duty well and satisfy God, and so I went to preach the gospel again.

In the fall of 2015, a church sister told me that my mom had died. I was heartbroken and upset when I heard this. I struggled not to cry, and thought, “How could my mom be gone? Did she get depressed and sick because I wasn’t by her side and she was missing me and worried about me? If it weren’t for the CCP’s persecution, I could have been beside her looking after her more, making her comfortable in her final years, and maybe she would have lived a few more years.” The more I thought about it, the more distressed I got. As I left the sister’s house, my tears streamed down my face. My mom suffered so much to raise me but when she got old and sick, I couldn’t be with her to take care of her, and I couldn’t even be with her in her final moments. Thinking this, I cried my eyes out and felt much pain. I wiped my eyes and rode my bike and as I rode, scenes of how my mom had struggled to raise me played in my mind like a movie. I felt so indebted to my mom and she’d died before I had the chance to be a good filial daughter. I couldn’t even be with her in her final moments. Would other people say I was a bad daughter, an ungrateful wretch? When I got back to my host home, I was too distressed to eat. The host sister comforted me, saying, “Everyone’s lifespan is in God’s hands. When someone is born and when they die is ordained by God. Don’t be too sad. Pray more to God.” I didn’t feel so pained and upset after she said this, but my heart still wouldn’t calm down when doing my duty, so I prayed to God, asking Him to lead me from this negative state. After praying, I read a passage of God’s words: “God created this world and brought man, a living being unto which He bestowed life, into it. Next, man came to have parents and kin, and was no longer alone. Ever since man first laid eyes on this material world, he was destined to exist within the ordination of God. The breath of life from God supports each and every living being throughout growth into adulthood. During this process, no one feels that man is growing up under the care of God; rather, they believe that man is doing so under the loving care of his parents, and that it is his own life instinct that directs his growing up. This is because man knows not who bestowed his life, or from whence it came, much less the way in which the instinct of life creates miracles” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God Is the Source of Man’s Life). I understood from God’s words that God created the heavens and earth and all things, and He bestows life on man. On the surface, it looked like my mom had raised me but if it weren’t for God’s care and protection, I’d never have survived till now. I thought about how my daughter had contracted a terminal illness at five years old. I was extremely grief-stricken and wanted to donate my organs to her. The doctor said, “It’s no use. Treating this illness won’t save her life. She has a terminal illness and no one can save her.” God long ago ordained our lives and deaths, and no one can change this. My mom’s time to die was also in God’s hands and ordained by Him yet I’d believed that she died of depression and sickness brought on by missing and worrying about me. I didn’t recognize God’s sovereignty! Especially thinking about how my mother struggled to raise me into adulthood after my father passed away, and about how she’d grown old and gotten sick and I wasn’t able to take care of her, I felt indebted to her, and my heart wouldn’t calm down in my duty. In fact, man’s life comes from God and everything I enjoy is bestowed by God. I didn’t feel indebted to God for not doing my duty well, but instead always felt indebted to my mom, to the point where I regretted doing my duty. I really wasn’t worthy to be called human!

Later, I read God’s words in which He fellowshipped about “your parents are not your creditors,” and my views underwent a change. Almighty God says: “Let’s look at the matter of your parents giving birth to you. Who was it that chose for them to give birth to you: you or your parents? Who chose whom? If you look at this from God’s perspective, the answer is: neither of you. Neither you nor your parents chose for them to give birth to you. If you look at the root of this matter, this was ordained by God. We’ll put this topic to one side for now, as this matter is easy for people to understand. From your perspective, you were passively born to your parents, without having any choice in the matter. From the perspective of your parents, they gave birth to you through their own independent will, right? In other words, putting aside God’s ordination, when it comes to the matter of giving birth to you, it was your parents who had all the power. They chose to give birth to you, and they called all the shots. You did not choose for them to give birth to you, you were passively born to them, and you didn’t have any choice in the matter. So, since your parents had all the power, and they chose to give birth to you, they have an obligation and a responsibility to bring you up, to raise you into an adult, to supply you with an education, with food, clothes, and money—this is their responsibility and obligation, and it is what they ought to do. Whereas you were always passive during the period that they were raising you, you didn’t have the right to choose—you had to be raised by them. Because you were young, you didn’t have the capacity to raise yourself, you had no choice but to be passively brought up by your parents. You were raised in the way that your parents chose, if they gave you nice food and drinks, then you ate and drank nice food and drinks. If your parents provided you with a living environment where you survived off chaff and wild plants, then you survived off chaff and wild plants. In any case, when you were being raised, you were passive, and your parents were fulfilling their responsibility. It’s the same as your parents caring for a flower. Since they want to care for a flower, they should fertilize it, water it, and make sure that it gets sunlight. So, regarding people, no matter whether your parents looked after you meticulously or took great care of you, in any case, they were just fulfilling their responsibility and obligation. Regardless of the reason why they raised you, it was their responsibility—because they gave birth to you, they should take responsibility for you. Based on this, can everything that your parents did for you be considered kindness? It can’t, right? (That’s right.) Your parents fulfilling their responsibility to you doesn’t count as kindness, so if they fulfill their responsibility toward a flower or a plant, watering it and fertilizing it, does that count as kindness? (No.) That is even further from being kindness. Flowers and plants grow better outside—if they’re planted in the ground, with wind, sun, and rainwater, they thrive. They don’t grow as well when they’re planted in a pot indoors as they do outside, but wherever they are, they’re living, right? No matter where they are, it has been ordained by God. You are a living person, and God takes responsibility for every life, enabling it to survive, and to follow the law that all created beings abide by. But as a person, you live in the environment that your parents raise you in, so you should grow up and exist in that environment. You living in that environment is on a larger scale due to God’s ordination; on a smaller scale, it is due to your parents raising you, right? In any case, by raising you your parents are fulfilling a responsibility and an obligation. Raising you into an adult is their obligation and responsibility, and this cannot be called kindness. If it cannot be called kindness, then is it not something that you ought to enjoy? (It is.) This is a kind of right that you should enjoy. You should be raised by your parents, because before you reach adulthood, the role that you play is that of a child being brought up. Therefore, your parents are just fulfilling a kind of responsibility toward you, and you are just receiving it, but you are certainly not receiving grace or kindness from them. … Raising you is your parents’ responsibility. They chose to give birth to you, so they have a responsibility and an obligation to bring you up. By raising you into an adult, they are fulfilling their responsibility and their obligation. You do not owe them anything, so you do not need to recompense them. You don’t need to recompense them—this clearly shows that your parents are not your creditors, and that you do not need to do anything for them in return for their kindness. If your circumstances allow you to fulfill a bit of your responsibility to them, then do so. If your environment and your objective circumstances do not permit you to fulfill your obligation toward them, then you don’t need to give it too much thought, and you shouldn’t think that you are indebted to them, because your parents are not your creditors” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). God’s words allowed me to understand that God holds sovereignty over and arranges every person coming into this world. My being born into this family was also ordained by God. No matter how much suffering my mom endured to raise me, this was her responsibility and I shouldn’t regard it as kindness. Just as God says: “Since your parents had all the power, and they chose to give birth to you, they have an obligation and a responsibility to bring you up, to raise you into an adult, to supply you with an education, with food, clothes, and money—this is their responsibility and obligation, and it is what they ought to do.” But I didn’t understand the truth and didn’t see things according to God’s words. I always believed that, after my dad died, my mom became both mother and father, living frugally so that I could go to school, struggling to raise me into adulthood, and without my mother’s careful care and nurturing, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I regarded my mother’s care as kindness and always wanted to repay her for this nurturing kindness. The moment I heard she had died, I felt so distressed and that I hadn’t looked after her well. I couldn’t even be with her in her final moments and so I felt I was a bad daughter. I felt only indebted to her and wasn’t in any mood to do my duty. If I kept on living in this indebtedness to my mom and wasn’t able to do my duty then I really would be without conscience or humanity. When I thought of my mom’s death, even if I could have been with her at the end, I wouldn’t have been able to save her life. Even if others had praised me as a good daughter, what meaning would that have had?

I then read more of God’s words. God says: “Due to the conditioning of Chinese traditional culture, in Chinese people’s traditional notions they believe that one must observe filial piety toward their parents. Whoever does not observe filial piety is an unfilial child. These ideas have been instilled in people since childhood, and they are taught in practically every household, as well as in every school and in society at large. When a person’s head has been filled with such stuff, they think, ‘Filial piety is more important than anything. If I weren’t to observe it, I wouldn’t be a good person—I’d be an unfilial child and I’d be denounced by society. I’d be a person who lacks conscience.’ Is this view correct? People have seen so many truths expressed by God—has God demanded that one show filial piety toward their parents? Is this one of the truths that believers in God must understand? No, it is not. God has only fellowshipped on some principles. By what principle do God’s words ask that people treat others? Love what God loves, and hate what God hates: This is the principle that should be adhered to. God loves those who pursue the truth and are able to follow His will; these are also the people that we should love. Those who are not able to follow God’s will, who hate and rebel against God—these people are detested by God, and we should detest them, too. This is what God asks of man. … Satan uses this kind of traditional culture and notions of morality to bind your thoughts, your mind, and your heart, leaving you unable to accept God’s words; you have been possessed by these things of Satan, and rendered incapable of accepting God’s words. When you want to practice God’s words, these things cause disturbance within you, cause you to oppose the truth and God’s requirements, and make you powerless to rid yourself of the yoke of traditional culture. After struggling for a while, you compromise: You prefer to believe traditional notions of morality are correct and in line with the truth, and so you reject or forsake God’s words. You do not accept God’s words as the truth and you think nothing of being saved, feeling that you still live in this world, and can only survive by relying on these people. Unable to endure society’s recrimination, you would rather choose to give up the truth and God’s words, abandoning yourself to traditional notions of morality and the influence of Satan, preferring to offend God and not practice the truth. Is man not pitiful? Do they not have need of God’s salvation?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). “There is a saying in the world of nonbelievers: ‘Crows repay their mothers by feeding them, and lambs kneel to receive milk from their mothers.’ There’s also this saying: ‘An unfilial person is lower than a beast.’ How grandiose these sayings sound! Actually, the phenomena that the first saying mentions, crows repaying their mothers by feeding them, and lambs kneeling to receive milk from their mothers, really do exist, these are facts. However, they are simply phenomena within the animal world. They are merely a kind of law that God has established for various living creatures, and by which all kinds of living creatures, including humans, abide. The fact that all kinds of living creatures abide by this law further demonstrates that all living creatures are created by God. No living creature can break this law, and no living creature can transcend it. … Crows repaying their mothers by feeding them, and lambs kneeling to receive milk from their mothers demonstrates precisely that the animal world abides by this kind of law. All kinds of living creatures have this instinct. Once offspring are born, they are cared for and nurtured by the females or males of the species until they become adults. All kinds of living creatures are able to fulfill their responsibilities and obligations to their offspring, conscientiously and dutifully raising the next generation. This should be even more the case for humans. Humans are called higher animals by mankind—if they cannot abide by this law, and lack this instinct, then humans are lower than animals, aren’t they? Therefore, no matter how much your parents nurtured you while they were raising you, and how much they fulfilled their responsibility to you, they were only doing what they ought to within the scope of the abilities of a created human—it was their instinct” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). After reading God’s words, I understood this: The reason I was in so much pain was because I’d been influenced by the ideas and views like “An unfilial person is lower than a beast” and “Raise children to support you in old age.” I’d thought that being filial to one’s parents was perfectly natural and justified and not doing this was treasonous and made one lower than a beast. I’d been on the run and hadn’t been able to look after my mom at home so I had a guilty conscience and felt indebted to her. I was also afraid that people would say I had no conscience and was a bad daughter, so I’d felt such pain and hadn’t been able to calmly do my duty, and I fell to pieces later when I heard my mom had passed away. I saw that I’d been instilled with these ideas of traditional culture and regarded being filial to my parents as more important than doing my duty of a created being, and I’d even regretted preaching the gospel and doing my duty—hadn’t this been a manifestation of betraying God? Because I’d been arrested by the police for preaching the gospel, I wasn’t able to return home. But instead of hating the CCP, I’d blamed God believing that this had been caused by preaching the gospel. I’d really got it all backward and couldn’t tell what was right and what wasn’t! Everything I have comes from God. He had been caring for and protecting me all those years so that I’d have the chance to preach the gospel and do my duty, pursue the truth and be saved by God. Not only had I not been grateful to God, but I’d misunderstood and blamed Him, and even regretted doing my duty. I really had been without conscience! Only then did I understand that the ideas and views like “An unfilial person is lower than a beast” and “Raise children to support you in old age” were fallacious, and that they were a way in which Satan misleads and corrupts people. I didn’t want to live by Satan’s ideas and views anymore but wanted to view people and things and comport myself and act according to God’s words.

I later read more of God’s words: “First of all, most people choose to leave home to perform their duties in part because of the overarching objective circumstances, which necessitate them leaving their parents; they cannot stay by their parents’ side to take care of them and accompany them. It’s not that they willingly choose to leave their parents; this is the objective reason. For another thing, subjectively speaking, you go out to perform your duties not because you wanted to leave your parents and escape your responsibilities, but because of God’s calling. In order to cooperate with God’s work, accept His calling, and perform the duties of a created being, you had no choice but to leave your parents; you could not stay by their side to accompany them and take care of them. You didn’t leave them to avoid responsibilities, right? Leaving them to avoid your responsibilities and having to leave them to answer God’s calling and perform your duties—aren’t these of two different natures? (Yes.) In your heart, you do have emotional attachments and thoughts for your parents; your feelings are not empty. If objective circumstances allow, and you are able to stay by their side while also performing your duties, then you would be willing to stay by their side, regularly taking care of them and fulfilling your responsibilities. But because of objective circumstances, you must leave them; you cannot remain at their side. It’s not that you don’t want to fulfill your responsibilities as their child, but that you can’t. Isn’t this different in nature? (Yes.) If you left home to avoid being filial and fulfilling your responsibilities, that is unfilial and lacks humanity. Your parents raised you, but you can’t wait to spread your wings and quickly go off on your own. You don’t want to see your parents, and you don’t pay any regard when you hear about some difficulty they’ve encountered. Even if you have the means to help, you don’t; you just pretend not to hear and let others say whatever they want about you—you simply don’t want to fulfill your responsibilities. This is being unfilial. But is this the case now? (No.) Many people have left their counties, cities, provinces, or even their countries to perform their duties; they are already far away from their hometowns. Furthermore, it’s not convenient for them to stay in touch with their families for various reasons. Occasionally, they inquire about their parents’ current situation from people who came from the same hometown and feel relieved when they hear that their parents are still healthy and getting by okay. In fact, you are not unfilial; you haven’t reached the point of lacking humanity, where you don’t even want to care about your parents or fulfill your responsibilities toward them. It’s because of various objective reasons that you have to make this choice, so you’re not unfilial” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (16)). “As a child, you should understand that your parents are not your creditors. There are many things that you must do in this life, and these are all things that a created being ought to do, that have been entrusted to you by the Lord of creation, and they have nothing to do with you repaying your parents’ kindness. Showing filial piety to your parents, repaying them, returning their kindness—these things have nothing to do with your mission in life. It can also be said that it is not necessary for you to show filial piety to your parents, to repay them, or to fulfill any of your responsibilities to them. To put it plainly, you can do a bit of this and fulfill a bit of your responsibilities when your circumstances allow; when they do not, you do not need to insist upon doing so. If you cannot fulfill your responsibility to show filial piety to your parents, this is not a terrible thing, it just goes against your conscience, human morality, and human notions a little. But at the very least, it does not go against the truth, and God will not condemn you for it. When you understand the truth, your conscience will not feel rebuked on account of this” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. How to Pursue the Truth (17)). From God’s words, I came to understand how children should treat their parents. My mom was not my creditor. I came into this world with a mission to fulfill, which is to do the duty of a created being. If circumstances and conditions had allowed, then I could have looked after and been filial to mom and fulfilled a child’s responsibilities and obligations. If circumstances didn’t allow, then I didn’t need to insist upon it. Also, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be filial to my mom, it was because I was persecuted and pursued by the CCP that I couldn’t go home to take care of her. It wasn’t that I wasn’t filial and I didn’t need to care about what anyone else thought of me. What was most crucial was that I should submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements and do my duty well. Understanding this, I no longer felt constrained and I could put my heart into my duty. It was the judgment and exposure of God’s words that enabled me to understand some of my own fallacious views, comprehend how to approach my mom in a way that accords with the truth principles, not live feeling indebted to my mom anymore and be able to calm my heart and do my duty.