By Shen Jie, China

When I was young, my family was poor, and people often looked down on us. So I thought, “When I grow up, I must make a lot of money so they will hold me in high regard.” Later, I got married, but my husband’s family was also poor. I looked for ways to earn money wherever I could and never let go of any opportunity. We tried driving a taxi and selling vegetables, but we didn’t make much money. However, I didn’t give up. I saw my cousin make good money growing oyster mushrooms and building a nice house very quickly. So, I decided to learn mushroom farming from her. We worked hard from fall to spring, but when our mushrooms hit the market, there was an oversupply, and they were everywhere. We ended up not making any money. Our half a year’s effort was in vain. The long hours of bending down doing the work led to a herniated disc. I spent a lot of money on seeking medical treatments everywhere, worsening our already poor financial situation. Still, I didn’t give up. One day, I saw a news report about a large pigeon-breeding farm making millions of yuan a year. My eyes lit up, “Millions! There’s no pigeon-breeding farm around here. If I start now, I might become a boss in a few years.” So, we took out a loan to start raising pigeons. Seeing the pigeons breed made me feel fully energetic and motivated. But just as we were ready to sell our first batch, an avian flu outbreak came along, and we lost over 20,000 yuan. The thought of losing money after a year of hard work was like a knife cutting my heart. At night, lying in bed, I cried and asked myself, “Why is my fate so harsh? Why is it so difficult for me to make money when others seem to make it so easily?” The stress took a toll on my health. I couldn’t sleep or eat and my stomach was ill. My weight dropped to just a little over forty kilograms and I staggered when walking. Even then, I refused to give up, thinking, “I have a brain and two hands like others do. I’m not less smart than anyone else. I don’t believe I can’t make money! I have to give it a shot again!” Later, I heard that selling barbecue was profitable. Despite my poor health, I went to another city to learn the trade. After coming home, I opened a barbecue restaurant. Due to fierce competition, the business didn’t last long before I had to close it down. I couldn’t understand why others could succeed in the same business, earning 3,000 yuan a night, while I couldn’t make any. I remembered my mother often told me that I had “great ambitions but a fragile fate.” I thought about how my sister made a fortune in a few years with her vegetable business and built a nice house, with hundreds of thousands in savings, while I had been struggling and failing for over a decade. Was it really my fate? The more I thought about it, the more distressed I felt. And I fell into despair, feeling hopeless and ill for days, not wanting to move, wishing I could just sleep forever and not wake up again. This life was too hard. My husband also drowned his sorrows in alcohol daily.

Afterward, we started our breakfast business. To my surprise, the business turned out very well. We had to wake up at 1 a.m. every day and work until 10 a.m. before we could eat breakfast ourselves. Going hungry like this worsened my stomach trouble, and I got acid reflux and hypoglycemia. It also brought on my husband’s cervical spondylosis, causing his arms to go numb and ache. The doctor advised him to take several days off for intravenous therapy. But he felt it was such a waste of time getting hooked up to an IV drip every day, and that it would be a great pity to miss out on a daily income of a thousand yuan. He opted for painkillers instead, planning to seek proper treatment when business slowed. His condition worsened as time went by. He needed more and more painkillers, going from one pill at a time to two or three. When the pain got worse, he would swear at me, and his temper became more and more irritable. Our communication dwindled to almost nothing but arguments. The physical pain and the repression of my mind and spirit left me feeling lost. What was the point of all this hard work? I felt like a machine, working from morning till night. I was so exhausted that my waist was sore and my back was aching. We earned money but had no time to enjoy it. We used to say that money would bring us happiness, but why did I feel more miserable despite having money?

A year later, we returned to our home village to build a new house. I felt a sense of accomplishment, thinking about how we could finally live in a nice house after having struggled for a dozen or more years. Our neighbors, relatives, and friends praised our abilities and gumption, and they even proactively helped us source the materials needed for the construction. The Party branch secretary of the village also provided us with special assistance by securing approval for our building works. I felt different having lots of money, and everything seemed to go more smoothly. But then, just as things were starting to look up for us, tragedy struck. After we had demolished our old house, my husband complained about his severe neck pain and decided to go to the village hospital. By the time I arrived, the doctor urgently told me, “You’re here just in time! Your husband is in critical condition!” My mind went blank. “This is impossible,” I thought, “My husband has always been in good health and has rarely even caught a cold since we got married. How could he be dying now?” I rushed to the ward and saw my husband lying there. His facial complexion was dark and his eyes closed. I grabbed his hand and sobbed, calling out his name, but he never woke up again. The doctor explained that my husband had suffered an acute stroke, likely related to his cervical spine condition compressing his blood vessels and thereby impeding his circulation. My husband’s sudden death left me in a daze. “How will I, a woman with two children, manage to live on?” I thought, “All I ever wanted was to improve our lives and not be looked down on. After years of hard work, just when things had started getting better, my husband suddenly passed away. Why does everything I hope for seem so far away and out of reach?” I shut myself in my room, crying constantly. My sisters, worrying that I might harm myself, took turns to visit me daily. But they could only offer a few comforting words, which were totally unable to dispel the sorrow in my heart.

Later, a relative brought a sister to share the gospel with me. The sister read a passage of God’s words to me: “The Almighty has mercy on these people who have suffered deeply; at the same time, He feels averse toward these people who lack consciousness, as He has had to wait too long for an answer from humanity. He wishes to seek, to seek your heart and your spirit, to bring you water and food and to awaken you, that you may no longer be thirsty and hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time. He is keeping watch by your side, waiting for you to turn back around. He is waiting for the day you suddenly recover your memory: when you realize that you came from God, that, at some unknown time you lost your direction, at some unknown time you lost consciousness on the road, and at some unknown time acquired a ‘father’; when you realize, furthermore, that the Almighty has always been keeping watch, waiting there a very, very long time for your return. He has been watching with desperate longing, waiting for a response without an answer. His watching and waiting are beyond any price, and they are for the sake of the human heart and the human spirit. Perhaps this watching and waiting are indefinite, and perhaps they are at an end. But you should know exactly where your heart and your spirit are right now” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Sighing of the Almighty). As I heard “When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. … He is keeping watch by your side, waiting for you to turn back around,” tears streamed down my face without me realizing it. I reflected on the hardships I’d endured over the years, and the unspeakably painful torment I had undergone. My parents had passed away, and my husband was also gone. To whom could I express my inner pain? Who could understand? God’s words touched my heart, and I felt all warm inside. I wanted so much to say out loud all the pain that had accumulated in my heart, but I didn’t know where to start. I just kept crying. The sister said, “I understand how you feel. What we say can only comfort you, but we can’t truly solve your pain. Only God can solve our pain.” I asked, “Where does all this pain come from? Can God really solve it?” The sister then read a passage of Almighty God’s words to me: “There is an enormous secret in your heart, of which you have never been aware, for you have been living in a world without light. Your heart and your spirit have been wrested away by the evil one. Your eyes are obscured by darkness, and you can see neither the sun in the sky nor that twinkling star of the night. Your ears are clogged with deceptive words, and you hear neither the thunderous voice of Jehovah, nor the sound of the waters flowing from the throne. You have lost everything that is rightfully yours, everything that the Almighty bestowed upon you. You have entered an endless sea of affliction, with no strength to save yourself, no hope of survival, and all you do is struggle and rush about…. From that moment onward, you were doomed to be afflicted by the evil one, far away from the blessings of the Almighty, out of reach of the provisions of the Almighty, walking down a road of no return. A million calls can hardly rouse your heart and your spirit. You slumber soundly in the hands of the evil one, who has lured you into a boundless realm without direction or wayposts. Henceforth, you lost your original innocence and purity, and began to shun the care of the Almighty. Within your heart, the evil one steers you in all matters and has become your life. No longer do you fear him, avoid him, or doubt him; instead, you treat him as the god in your heart. You began to enshrine and worship him, and the two of you have become as inseparable as body and shadow, committed to live and die together. You have no idea from whence you came, why you were born, or why you will die. You look upon the Almighty as a stranger; you do not know His origins, let alone all that He has done for you” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Sighing of the Almighty). The sister fellowshipped with me, “God has exposed the root cause of human suffering. In the beginning, God created humans and led them to live in the Garden of Eden. At that time, people listened to God, lived carefree lives, and didn’t experience these pains and troubles. However, after being tempted and corrupted by Satan, humans betrayed God, strayed from His care and protection, and fell under Satan’s power. Now people live in sin, scheming, intriguing, fighting, and framing each other for money, status, fame, and gain, and some even contemplate suicide. All this suffering was brought about by Satan. For thousands of years, Satan has inculcated humans with many philosophies for worldly dealings and many fallacies, such as ‘Money makes the world go round,’ ‘Create a better life with your own hands,’ and ‘A person’s destiny is in their own hands.’ People prefer to believe these devilish words of Satan rather than God’s sovereignty, living and pursuing based on these survival rules of Satan. Without God’s leadership and guidance, people passively go along with the evil trends of society, arduously chasing after money, status, fame, and gain year after year, without understanding the meaning of life, or where they came from or are going to. All of this leaves them feeling empty and anguished. Even though humans have betrayed God, He has not given up on saving humans. God has been leading and saving humans throughout the 6,000 years He has been doing His work, waiting for people to return to Him. In the last days, Almighty God, the Savior, has come down to earth in person, expressing truths to save humans. Only by accepting the truths that God expresses can humans discern Satan’s schemes and escape from Satan’s corruption and torment.” While listening to the sisters, I felt deeply moved. Wasn’t this exactly my situation? I had been working tirelessly day and night, just to earn more money in the hope that one day I could rise above the rest and gain people’s respect, and had ended up exhausted and sick, still feeling empty and anguished after all that. But I had never questioned whether living like this was wrong or not. Because it had been for generations, had it not? How could I be the exception? Only now did I understand that all this suffering was caused by Satan’s corruption and torment. If it weren’t for Almighty God, exposing the true picture of Satan’s corruption of humans, I would never have realized all this and would have continued being misled by Satan, and struggling in pain.

Later, I read more of Almighty God’s words: “Because people do not recognize God’s orchestrations and God’s sovereignty, they always face fate defiantly and with a rebellious attitude, and they always want to cast off God’s authority and sovereignty and the things fate has in store, hoping in vain to change their current circumstances and alter their fate. But they can never succeed and are thwarted at every turn. This struggle, which takes place deep in one’s soul, brings profound pain of the sort that carves itself into one’s bones, as one fritters away their life all the while. What is the cause of this pain? Is it because of God’s sovereignty, or because a person was born unlucky? Obviously, neither is true. At bottom, it is caused by the paths people take, the ways they choose to live their lives. … if people cannot truly recognize the fact that the Creator has sovereignty over human fate and over all human matters, if they cannot truly submit to the Creator’s dominion, then it will be difficult for them not to be driven and fettered by the idea that ‘one’s fate is in one’s own hands.’ It will be difficult for them to shake off the pain of their intense struggle against fate and the Creator’s authority, and, needless to say, it will also be hard for them to become truly liberated and free, to become people who worship God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). As I read God’s words, tears ran down my face, and my past experiences vividly replayed in my mind. To avoid being looked down upon, I had racked my brains and tried desperately to make money, believing that through perseverance and hard work alone, I could change my destiny with my own hands. Each time I had failed, I had maintained a defiant mentality, thinking that if others with a brain and two hands could become wealthy, so could I if I tried hard. After all, I had a brain and two hands of my own, and was no less smart than them. I thought that my past failures were due to a lack of experience or not having the right opportunity. I had treated fallacies like “One must endure the greatest hardships in order to become the greatest of men,” and “Change your destiny with your own hands” as wise sayings, and no matter how many times I failed, I had persistently fought against my fate with a never-give-up mentality, in the belief that hard work could alter destiny, and persistently striving to become superior to others. This had left me with numerous ailments, and even cost my husband his life. All of this was due to Satan’s corruption and torment! In the past, I had often blamed fate for being unfair to me. Only now did I realize that it wasn’t that God had treated me ungraciously or that my fate was bad. Instead, it was that my choice of path and way of living were wrong. I hadn’t recognized God’s sovereignty and couldn’t submit to His orchestrations and arrangements. I had always wanted to change my current situation and destiny with my own hands. For the sake of money, fame, and gain, I had struggled and suffered for over a decade. Only now did I realize that all this suffering had come from being corrupted and tormented by Satan, due to my ignorance of the truth. From that point onward, whenever I had time, I would read God’s words, always eager to understand more truths.

One day, I read a passage of God’s words: “In fact, no matter how lofty man’s ideals are, no matter how realistic man’s desires are or how proper they may be, all that man wants to achieve, all that man seeks for, is inextricably linked to two words. These two words are vitally important to the life of every person, and they are things Satan intends to instill in man. What are these two words? They are ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Satan uses a very subtle kind of method, a method very much in concert with people’s notions, which is not at all radical, through which it causes people to unknowingly accept its way of living, its rules to live by, and to establish life goals and their direction in life, and unknowingly they also come to have ambitions in life. No matter how grand these life ambitions may seem, they are inextricably linked to ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Everything that any great or famous person—all people, in fact—follow in life relates only to these two words: ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ People think that once they have fame and gain, they can then capitalize on those things to enjoy high status and great wealth, and to enjoy life. They think fame and gain are a kind of capital that they can use to obtain a life of pleasure-seeking and wanton enjoyment of the flesh. For the sake of this fame and gain which mankind so covets, people willingly, albeit unknowingly, hand over their bodies, minds, all that they have, their futures and their destinies, to Satan. They do so genuinely and without even a moment’s hesitation, ever ignorant of the need to recover all that they have handed over. Can people retain any control over themselves once they have taken refuge in Satan in this way and become loyal to it? Certainly not. They are completely and utterly controlled by Satan. They have completely and utterly sunk into a quagmire, and are unable to free themselves” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). Reflecting on God’s words, I realized that money, fame, and gain are ways in which Satan corrupts people. Satan uses societal influences and family upbringing to instill many false beliefs in me, such as “Man struggles upward; water flows downward,” “Aim to stand out and excel,” and “Money is first.” Growing up poor and being discriminated against, I easily adopted these views, believing that with money, fame, and gain, I would be looked up to and be respected, be able to speak with confidence, and live a dignified and valuable life. To gain fame and gain, I racked my brains to find business opportunities, worked despite being ill, and even left my one-year-old son behind to travel thousands of miles to learn a skill. For the sake of fame and gain, despite being too busy to eat, and becoming dizzy and faint from hunger, which damaged my health, I never hesitated to make sacrifices. My husband, driven by the same desires, wouldn’t let go of the business, preferring to take painkillers rather than seek medical treatment. He finally got rich but lost his life. Wasn’t all this suffering caused by the pursuit of money, fame, and gain? Without understanding the truth and having discernment, I mistook the heresies and fallacies that Satan employs to corrupt man as the laws of survival and life goals. I was truly foolish and blind! Understanding this, I decided to devote myself to believing in God and pursuing the truth, rather than chasing after money, fame, and gain as I did in the past. I spent more time reading God’s words daily and actively participated in fellowships. Three months later, I took on my duty in the church, practicing watering new believers.

My relatives, noticing I had stopped running my business, expressed their concerns, saying that with young children and many future expenses, I should continue the breakfast business. The landlord also called me, saying that many people enjoyed our food and hoped I would reopen the shop, and that he and his family would help me if I couldn’t do it on my own. Their words stirred my thoughts, “It’s true. With two children at school, my salary barely covers basic living costs. If I don’t earn more money, my children and I will continue to be looked down upon. The breakfast business could bring in thousands of yuan a day. It’s hard to let go of that. Maybe I could hire someone to help and restart the business?” I began planning and considering this option. However, I knew that reopening the breakfast business would require significant effort, leaving little time for me to do my duties in the church. It would be good enough for me to ensure that I join fellowships. Running a business always required my concerns. It would be challenging to focus on reading God’s words and pursuing the truth, and my spiritual life would surely suffer losses. I felt torn and conflicted, losing sleep over it those days. One day, I read some of God’s words: “Most people have the following wishes: to work less and earn more, not to toil in the sun and rain, to dress well, to glow and shine everywhere, to tower above others, and to bring honor to their ancestors. People hope for perfection, but when they take their first steps in the journey of their lives, they gradually come to realize how imperfect human destiny is, and for the first time they truly grasp the fact that, though one can make bold plans for one’s future and though one may harbor audacious fantasies, no one has the ability or the power to realize their own dreams, and no one is in a position to control their own future. There will always be some distance between one’s dreams and the realities that one must confront; things are never as one would like them to be, and faced with such realities, people can never achieve satisfaction or contentment. Some people will go to any length imaginable, will put forth great efforts and make great sacrifices for the sake of their livelihoods and future, in an attempt to change their own fate. But in the end, even if they can realize their dreams and desires by means of their own hard work, they can never change their fates, and no matter how doggedly they try, they can never exceed what destiny has allotted them. Regardless of differences in ability, intelligence, and willpower, people are all equal before fate, which does not distinguish between the great and the small, the high and the low, the exalted and the mean. What occupation one pursues, what one does for a living, and how much wealth one amasses in life are not decided by one’s parents, one’s talents, one’s efforts or one’s ambitions, but are predetermined by the Creator” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). “If one has a positive attitude toward God’s sovereignty over human fate, then when one looks back upon one’s journey, when one truly experiences God’s sovereignty, one will more earnestly desire to submit to everything that God has arranged, will have more determination and confidence to let God orchestrate one’s fate and to stop rebelling against God. For one sees that when one does not comprehend fate, when one does not understand God’s sovereignty, when one gropes their way forward willfully, staggering and tottering through the fog, the journey is too difficult, too heartbreaking. So when people recognize God’s sovereignty over human fate, the clever ones choose to know it and accept it, to bid farewell to the painful days when they tried to build a good life with their own two hands, and to stop struggling against fate and pursuing their so-called ‘life goals’ in their own way. When one does not have God, when one cannot see Him, when one cannot clearly recognize God’s sovereignty, every day is meaningless, worthless, miserable. Wherever one is, whatever one’s job is, one’s means of living and the pursuit of one’s goals bring one nothing but endless heartbreak and suffering without relief, such that one cannot bear to look back on one’s past” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). Reading God’s words, I burst into tears. Reflecting on the painful days when I struggled against fate before knowing God, I realized that my agony stemmed from not recognizing God’s sovereignty and resisting my fate with corrupt dispositions. The torment of not achieving what I desired was still fresh in my memory. Others could make millions from the same business while I ended up with nothing, even with great losses. This shows that how much money one can earn and whether one is rich or poor are predestined by God. It’s not something that can be achieved just by one’s efforts. In today’s world, disasters are increasingly severe. If I prioritized earning money, seeking fame, gain, and status, giving up the opportunity to pursue the truth and gain salvation, wouldn’t I be foolish and ignorant? Even if the breakfast business could bring in thousands of yuan a day, the emptiness and suffering from being distant from God cannot be compensated with money. I might not be wealthy now, but I could still live a normal life. More importantly, I’ve come to understand some truths and the meaning of life. I could also do my duties in the church, which brought me peace and joy. With this realization, I decided to give up the business and focus on my duties. I sold the kitchen utensils in my shop at a low price to others.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “If people cannot truly recognize the fact that the Creator has sovereignty over human fate and over all human matters, if they cannot truly submit to the Creator’s dominion, then it will be difficult for them not to be driven and fettered by the idea that ‘one’s fate is in one’s own hands.’ It will be difficult for them to shake off the pain of their intense struggle against fate and the Creator’s authority, and, needless to say, it will also be hard for them to become truly liberated and free, to become people who worship God. But there is an exceedingly simple way to free oneself from this state, which is to bid farewell to one’s former way of living; to say goodbye to one’s previous goals in life; to summarize and dissect one’s previous lifestyle, view of life, pursuits, desires, and ideals; and then to compare them with God’s intentions and demands for man, and see whether any of them is consistent with God’s intentions and demands, whether any of them delivers the right values of life, leads one to a greater understanding of the truth, and allows one to live with humanity and the likeness of a human being. When you repeatedly investigate and carefully dissect the various goals that people pursue in life and their myriad ways of living, you will find not one of them conforms to the Creator’s original intention with which He created humanity. All of them draw people away from the Creator’s sovereignty and care; they are all traps which cause people to become depraved, and which lead them to hell. After you recognize this, your task is to lay aside your old view of life, stay far from various traps, let God take charge of your life and make arrangements for you; it is to try only to submit to God’s orchestrations and guidance, to live without individual choice, and to become a person who worships God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). “Those who seek to know God are able to set aside their desires, are willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and God’s arrangement, and they try to be the kind of people who are submissive to God’s authority and who satisfy God’s intentions. Such people live in the light and in the midst of God’s blessings, and they will surely be commended by God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). “You are a created being—you should of course worship God and pursue a life of meaning. If you do not worship God but live within your filthy flesh, then are you not just a beast in human attire? Since you are a human being, you should expend yourself for God and endure all suffering! You should gladly and assuredly accept the little suffering you are subjected to today and live a meaningful life, like Job and Peter. In this world, man wears the devil’s clothing, eats food from the devil, and works and serves under the devil’s thumb, becoming completely trampled in its filth. If you do not grasp the meaning of life or obtain the true way, then what significance is there in living like this? You are people who pursue the right path, those who seek improvement. You are people who rise up in the nation of the great red dragon, those whom God calls righteous. Is that not the most meaningful life?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Practice (2)). God’s words revealed to me what truly meaningful and valuable pursuits are in life. Now I was fortunate to encounter the Creator’s work for saving man, which is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and hearing the Creator’s voice is something many people have been dreaming of. So I decided not to chase after money, fame, and gain anymore but to submit to God’s sovereignty and live according to His requirements. I thought of Peter. Upon hearing the call of the Lord Jesus, he left his fishing nets without hesitation to follow Him, eventually getting to know, submit to and love God. Job also lost everything but still praised God, bearing a beautiful testimony to God before Satan and ultimately being blessed to see God’s appearance. Throughout history, many saints have forsaken everything, even their lives, to spread God’s gospel, which is the most meaningful and valuable way to live. With these examples in mind, I knew I should be content with having clothes and food, and devote more energy to pursuing the truth and doing my duties. Seeking to know God is most valuable. After completely giving up my business, besides working and doing my duties, I spent the rest of my time reading God’s words and singing hymns to praise God with my children. Each day, I felt peaceful and steady, and it was enjoyable. A few months later, my long-standing stomach ailment healed, which I knew was God’s mercy. My children became more self-reliant in their studies and daily routines. They were especially obedient and sensible. By eating and drinking God’s words, and doing my duties, I felt God’s enlightenment and guidance. I gradually understood some truths. I gained a deeper understanding of God’s almightiness and sovereignty, how Satan corrupted people, and how God saved humans. I also learned about how people should live and what pursuits are truly meaningful and valuable. The turmoil in my heart decreased significantly. I am deeply grateful for God’s salvation!