By Li Xue, China

In 2021, I was chosen as a church leader. Since I had always done single-task work before, I was quite unfamiliar with the overall work of the church, so I was worried that if I didn’t do well, I would be dismissed, and that this would be really embarrassing. But I thought, “Whatever duty we do at each stage is predetermined by God, so since the brothers and sisters chose me as a leader, does that mean they think I’m up to the task?” So I decided to accept it and give it a try by training. Later, when my partnered sister, Zhou Yun, and I were dividing up tasks between us, I chose a few tasks that I was somewhat skilled at, thinking that if I worked hard, I should be able to do the job well. Before long, it was time to summarize the work, and I realized that there were many details of the work that I didn’t have a grasp on, and I wanted to handle the work in a more specific way moving forward. But when I actually tried to do it, I found it wasn’t as simple as I had thought, and there were many problems and difficulties where I didn’t even know where to start. I thought, “I’ve been doing this duty for almost two months, and there’s still a lot of work I haven’t completed properly. Will the upper leader say that I lack the work capabilities to handle this duty?” The more I thought about it, the greater the pressure I felt, so I wanted to talk to the upper leader about doing single-task work instead. At least that way I wouldn’t appear so incompetent. So I said to the leader, “I feel my caliber is poor, and I’m not suited to lead church work. I’d prefer to do single-task work instead.” The leader said, “It’s normal to feel pressure when you first start working, you’ll feel better about it after training for a while.” When I heard the leader say this, I thought, “So this is just because I haven’t trained for long. If I train for a while longer and put in some effort, will I be able to do the work well?” Afterward, I continued to throw myself into my duty, learning from Zhou Yun whenever I encountered something I didn’t understand. Gradually, I was able to grasp some of the work.

In June 2022, Zhou Yun was reassigned to a different duty, and the church work was taken over by me and the newly selected leader, Sister Wu Fan. But I wasn’t very familiar with the work that Zhou Yun had been responsible for, and since Wu Fan wasn’t feeling well at that time, most of the work fell on my shoulders, and I felt a lot of pressure. Because I lacked a lot of professional skills, during gatherings, I was only able to fellowship with the brothers and sisters to resolve some of their states, but I didn’t address the problems and deviations that arose in the work. One time when I attended a gathering, the brothers and sisters said, “When Zhou Yun was here for gatherings, whenever we got stuck in our work, she would actually look into the reasons and solve the problems, but when you come to the gatherings, you just resolve states and rarely help us analyze and summarize our work. We face difficulties because our poor performance of our work affects our states.” The brothers and sisters then recommended that I watch the experiential testimony video: How I Became a False Leader. I thought, “They say I’m not as good as Zhou Yun; could it be that they think I don’t have any work capabilities and are beginning to discern me? Are they going to report me? The overall results of the church’s work haven’t been very good lately, and if I really do end up getting reported, and the upper leader looks into the work, she’ll be sure to say that my caliber is poor and that I’m still incapable of handling the work after such a long time. If it comes to the point where I’m reported and dismissed, that would be so embarrassing. I might as well just admit responsibility and resign in advance, and that way, I’d at least demonstrate some self-awareness.” During that time, the thought of admitting responsibility and resigning would come to mind every now and then. One day, I accidentally overheard Wu Fan and the upper leader discussing some of the deviations in my work. I thought to myself, “Do they think that I lack caliber and work capabilities too?” I then thought about how the work hadn’t yielded any results lately and about the things the brothers and sisters had said about me, so I wrote a resignation letter.

After I sent the letter, I felt uneasy. I prayed to God and sought whether my resignation was in line with the principles. Later on, I read that in “The Principles of Admitting Responsibility and Resigning,” it says: “(1) Any false leader or worker who does not accept the truth, who cannot do actual work, and who, for some time, has been bereft of the work of the Holy Spirit, must admit responsibility and resign; (2) Whoever refuses to issue or implement work arrangements or sermons and fellowship, standing in the way of God’s chosen people being led and shepherded from the Above, must admit responsibility and resign; (3) Whoever violates work arrangements and goes rogue, causing the work of God’s house and His chosen people to suffer great loss and disaster, must admit responsibility and resign” (170 Principles of Practicing the Truth, 65. The Principles of Admitting Responsibility and Resigning). I saw that it is principled for leaders and workers to admit responsibility and resign. Those leaders and workers who can’t do actual work, who don’t implement work arrangements or obstruct the work, and who cause significant losses to the work of God’s house must admit responsibility and resign. In looking at myself in light of the principles, I saw that during my time as a leader, although the results were a bit poor, I didn’t delay or obstruct the progress of the work, and I wasn’t completely incapable of doing actual work. Just like when the watering work was obstructed, through my seeking and fellowshipping, the states of the newcomers being watered improved a bit, and they began to do their duties to the best of their abilities. Sometimes, my inability to see through the problems led to the implementation of work not being properly executed or to deviations occurring. However, by seeking the relevant principles, I was able to turn things around, and I didn’t disrupt or disturb the work of the church. Additionally, I hadn’t been a leader or worker before, and I didn’t understand the principles involved in various tasks, but through learning and training, I gradually came to grasp some principles and was able to identify some problems. Although my solutions weren’t thorough, I wasn’t entirely incapable of doing actual work. Judging by principles, I saw that I hadn’t reached the point where I should admit responsibility and resign. So, I sought and reflected, asking myself, “Why, when faced with these matters, did I not seek the truth or summarize the reasons for the lack of results in my work, but felt the need to admit responsibility and resign?” I thought of God’s words: “Instead of searching for the truth, most people have their own petty agendas. Their own interests, face, and the place or standing they hold in other people’s minds are of great importance to them. These are the only things they cherish. They cling to these things with an iron grip and regard them as their very lives. And how they are viewed or treated by God is of secondary importance; for the moment, they ignore that; for the moment, they only consider whether they are the boss of the group, whether other people look up to them, and whether their words carry weight. Their first concern is with occupying that position. When they are in a group, almost all people look for this kind of standing, these kinds of opportunities. When they’re highly talented, of course they want to be top dog; if they are of middling ability, they’ll still want to hold a higher position in the group; and if they hold a low position in the group, being of average caliber and abilities, they, too, will want others to look up to them, they won’t want others to look down on them. These people’s face and dignity are where they draw the line: They have to hold on to these things. They could have no integrity, and be possessed of neither God’s approval nor acceptance, but they absolutely cannot lose the respect, status, or esteem they have strived for among others—which is the disposition of Satan. But people have no awareness of this. It is their belief that they must cling to this scrap of face to the very end. They are not aware that only when these vain and superficial things are completely relinquished and put aside will they become a real person. If a person guards these things that should be discarded as life, their life is lost. They do not know what is at stake. And so, when they act, they always hold something back, they always try to protect their own face and status, they put these first, speaking only for their own ends, to their own spurious defense. Everything they do is for themselves” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God exposes that cherishing one’s face and status above one’s life reveals a satanic disposition. Through reflection, I realized that the reason I wanted to resign was mainly to protect my face and status, and because I was overly concerned about my status. When the work was ineffective and the brothers and sisters pointed out deviations and problems in my work, I was afraid that they would say I was a false leader, and that I was occupying a position without doing actual work. I didn’t want others to look down on me or say I was no good, so to protect my face and status, I wanted to withdraw completely, so that the brothers and sisters would at least see that I still had some self-awareness, thereby preserving my last shred of dignity. In reality, the deviations and shortcomings in my duties that the brothers and sisters pointed out were true, and they were helping me while also protecting the church’s work, but I didn’t accept it in a positive way. Instead, I speculated that they thought I had poor caliber and lacked work capabilities, and I was even more fearful they would say I was a false leader who couldn’t do actual work, and that this would mean I couldn’t show my face again. So I was more willing to resign than lose face and status. Although the poor results of my work were related to my lack of work capabilities, this wasn’t the main reason for my desire to resign. The main reason was that I saw I hadn’t done my work well and had lost face in front of the brothers and sisters, so I preferred to give up my duties and responsibilities rather than lose my image and status in the hearts of others. I realized that I valued my face more than my duties and the truth, and that if I didn’t turn this state of mine around, I’d end up gaining nothing!

Later, I read more of God’s words: “How you regard God’s commissions is extremely important, and this is a very serious matter. If you cannot complete what God has entrusted to people, then you are not fit to live in His presence and you should be punished. It is perfectly natural and justified that humans should complete whatever commissions God entrusts to them. This is man’s supreme responsibility, and is just as important as their very lives. If you do not take God’s commissions seriously, then you are betraying Him in the most grievous way. In this, you are more lamentable than Judas, and should be cursed. People must gain a thorough understanding of how to treat what God entrusts to them and, at the very least, they must comprehend that the commissions He entrusts to humanity are exaltations and special favors from God, and that they are most glorious things. Everything else can be abandoned. Even if a person must sacrifice their own life, they must still fulfill God’s commission” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know Man’s Nature). I pondered God’s words again and again. These words contained judgment, and I felt distressed and guilty. To protect my face and status, I admitted responsibility and resigned, and I even thought that I was having self-awareness, but in God’s eyes, the nature of this was betrayal. The church had given me the opportunity to be a leader to have me protect the church’s work, and at the same time, to have me practice entering into various aspects of the truth. This was God elevating me and also a burden He had placed upon me. If I’d had even a bit of humanity and reason, and a God-fearing heart, then I wouldn’t have wanted to resign and betray God, and no matter how difficult the work was, I would have just prayed and relied on God, doing my best to fulfill my responsibilities within my abilities, and at the very least, I wouldn’t have let the church’s work be affected. But when I encountered difficulties in my duties and the work was affected, I not only failed to protect the church’s work but also shrank back. I was well aware that Wu Fan had just become a leader and was unfamiliar with the work, and that there were still many unresolved issues in the church’s work, yet I still chose to resign. I saw that my conscience had lost its function. Realizing this, I prayed in repentance to God, “God, I don’t want to live according to my corrupt disposition any longer. No matter what difficulties I encounter in my duties, I will no longer wish to resign, and as long as I’m still able to do this duty, I am willing to rely on You to do it well.”

After that, I began to seek solutions based on my shortcomings. I read God’s words: “As a leader, after arranging the work, you must follow up on the work’s progress. Even if you aren’t familiar with that field of work—even if you lack any knowledge of it—you can find a way to do your work. You can find someone who truly grasps it, who understands the profession in question, to carry out vetting and make suggestions. From their suggestions you can identify the appropriate principles, and thus you will be able to follow up on the work. Whether or not you are familiar with or understand the profession in question, at the very least you must preside over the work, follow up on it, and continuously make inquiries and ask questions about its progress. You must maintain a grasp of such matters; this is your responsibility, it is part of your job” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (4)). God has fellowshipped a very specific path of practice for how leaders and workers should do actual work. Leaders and workers need to actually participate in the work, look into the reasons why the brothers’ and sisters’ work is ineffective, participate in discussions to seek solutions, and not just implement the work or just provide simple fellowship on the issues they find and consider it done. They also need to identify the reasons behind these issues and follow up in detail. If it is an issue with the brothers’ and sisters’ states, they must actually fellowship the truth to resolve it, and if it’s a skill issue, they need to summarize and learn together with the brothers and sisters to find solutions. In the past, I’d thought I didn’t understand work related to professional skills, and that it was enough to fellowship to solve brothers’ and sisters’ states, but now I came to realize that this was a deviation, as simply fellowshipping on states doesn’t resolve actual problems, and the work still won’t get any results. This requires leaders and workers to work harmoniously with the brothers and sisters to seek solutions, and to find relevant principles to fellowship and enter into them together. When I understood these things, my state improved. The upper leader also fellowshipped and helped me over the next couple of days, and in the end, the church didn’t agree to my resignation. When I saw how I’d been so rebellious and yet God’s house still had given me an opportunity, I felt deeply indebted to God, and I was willing to change my previous attitude toward my duties and start to work properly. From then on, when issues arose in the work, I would discuss and communicate with the brothers and sisters, and if it was a skill issue, I would consult and seek suggestions from the brothers and sisters, and I would also actually find principles and relevant professional knowledge to learn regarding the difficulties in my duties. After a while, the results the brothers and sisters were getting in their duties improved somewhat.

Later, by fellowshipping with the brothers and sisters, I gained some deeper understanding of the reasons for my wanting to resign. I read some of God’s words: “Let no person think of themselves as perfect, distinguished, noble, or distinct from others; all this is brought about by man’s arrogant disposition and ignorance. Always thinking of oneself as set apart—this is caused by an arrogant disposition; never being able to accept their shortcomings, and never being able to confront their mistakes and failures—this is caused by an arrogant disposition” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). “Arrogant and self-righteous people are often like this. God says not to fret for solutions, He says to seek the truth and act with principles, but arrogant and self-righteous people do not carefully consider these requirements of God. Instead, they insist on trying to accomplish things with a burst of strength and energy, to do things in a neat and beautiful way, and to surpass everyone else in the blink of an eye. They want to be supermen and they refuse to be ordinary people. Is this not going against the laws of nature that God has laid out for man? (Yes.) Obviously, they are not normal people. They lack normal humanity, and they are too arrogant. They disregard the requirements that are within the scope of normal humanity which God has put forward for mankind. They disregard the standards that can be attained by people with normal humanity which God has set out for mankind. Therefore, they disdain God’s requirements and think, ‘God’s requirements are too low. How can believers in God be normal people? They must be extraordinary people, individuals who transcend and surpass regular people. They must be great and renowned figures.’ They disregard God’s words, thinking that although God’s words are correct and the truth, they are just too common and ordinary, so they ignore His words and they look down upon them. But it is exactly in these normal and ordinary words, so disdained by those so-called supermen and great figures, that God points out the principles and paths that people should abide by and practice. God’s words are so sincere, objective, and practical. They do not place high demands on people at all. They are all things that people can and should achieve. As long as people have a bit of normal reason, they should not try to float around in mid-air, and they should instead accept God’s words and the truth with their feet firmly planted on the ground, perform their duties well, live before God, and treat the truth as the principle of their conduct and actions. They should not be overly ambitious” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). After reading God’s words, I realized that my desire to resign was due to my arrogant disposition. I didn’t place myself in the position of an ordinary person, and I overestimated myself. I thought the brothers and sisters choosing me as a leader indicated that everyone viewed me positively. So I wanted to do my duties well to prove myself capable, and gain the praise of my brothers and sisters. However, when I was unable to achieve this, I couldn’t face my shortcomings and deficiencies head on, and I was even less able to confront my failures correctly. When I first became a leader, I wanted to excel in my work so that I could make others admire me, but after a while, I still hadn’t fully grasped the principles, and problems kept arising in my work. So I felt utterly inadequate. Especially after Zhou Yun was reassigned, I saw that despite doing a lot of work, my work was still full of issues and deviations. Not only did the brothers and sisters not recognize my work, but even the leaders pointed out my deviations and problems in my work. I felt that I lacked work capabilities and caliber, so I threw in the towel and tried to resign. I saw that I’d regarded myself too highly, thinking that as a leader, I couldn’t afford to have failures or deviations in my duties, otherwise, I wouldn’t be doing my leadership duties, which would mean I was stirring up trouble and lacking in reason. A normal person inevitably has shortcomings and things they can’t achieve in their duties, and this is completely normal in God’s eyes, because humans are just ordinary people and they can’t surpass the scope of normal humanity established by God. Before, I’d only done single-task work and hadn’t engaged with the overall work of the church, and coupled with my average caliber, I was slow to enter into the principles for various church tasks. This meant it was normal for deviations and flaws to arise in my duties. When the brothers and sisters pointed these out, this was exactly when I should have entered into the principles, but I couldn’t treat it correctly, and whenever problems or deviations arose in my work, I saw them as denials of my work capabilities. Reflecting on these behaviors, I realized that I was indeed truly arrogant and ignorant, and that I had regarded myself too highly. My most fatal flaw was that I was so arrogant, but I didn’t know myself. Brothers and sisters gave me guidance, but I wouldn’t accept it, and I didn’t view myself as an ordinary person at all. I saw that I had been completely lacking in reason.

After a while, the results of the video work I was responsible for didn’t turn out very well, and the upper leader pointed out some issues. When I saw the problems exposed in the work, I thought to myself, “What will the leader think of me? She’ll surely say that I wasn’t able to oversee work according to principles and that I didn’t do actual work.” But I didn’t feel too constrained, as I understood that the leader pointing out the shortcomings and deficiencies in my duties to me was a help for me to do my duties well, so I was able to approach these things correctly. Subsequently, regarding the issues raised by the leader, the brothers and sisters and I studied the relevant technical knowledge together, and then we actually analyzed and summarized the problems in the videos. This kind of actual cooperation helped to rectify some of the issues and deviations in the work, and the brothers and sisters gained some direction in their duties. Through this experience, I realized that avoiding difficulties isn’t the way to solve problems, that seeking the truth and learning to grasp principles is crucial, and that only by doing duties according to principles can work get results. I now feel much more relieved, and I thank God for His guidance!