By Wang Quan, China

In 1999, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. From God’s words, I learned that this is the final stage of God’s salvation work for humanity, and that only by accepting God’s work of the last days, pursuing the truth, and preparing enough good deeds can a person have the opportunity to survive the great catastrophes. I felt truly blessed, and that I had to seize this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to properly do my duty and expend myself for God. So I left home and actively preached the gospel, working tirelessly from dawn to dusk in the church. Even when I was slandered by the world and rejected by my family, I didn’t consider these things to be suffering. Later, when I was arrested by the police for preaching the gospel, I didn’t betray God, and after being released, I continued to do my duty as before. I felt that I had prepared a lot of good deeds over the years, and that in the future, even if others weren’t saved, I’d still be saved.

Before I knew it, the end of 2015 had come around. My lower back started to hurt a lot, I could barely get up in the morning without support, and I didn’t even have the strength to walk. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but after some time, the pain in my lower back got worse and worse, and I started limping. One morning, the pain in my lower back was so severe that I couldn’t get up at all. I thought, “This is it. I can’t even get up, so how can I do my duties? If I can’t do my duties and prepare good deeds, can I still be saved by God?” But then I thought, “This might be God trying me, and so long as I don’t complain about God and continue in my duties, perhaps God will grace and bless me, and my illness will be healed.” But things didn’t go as I hoped. My illness got worse every day, I couldn’t turn over while sleeping at night, and sometimes the pain in my lower back was so bad that I couldn’t move at all. Even the medicine didn’t work. Later, I went to the hospital for an X-ray, and to my surprise, I was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis. The doctor said, “They call this condition ‘the cancer that never dies.’ It’s a chronic, lifelong illness, and if it gets severe, it could lead to permanent paralysis.” Hearing the doctor say this, all the strength left my body, and I thought to myself, “How could I get such a severe illness? Since finding God, I’ve enthusiastically made sacrifices and expended myself, so why hasn’t God protected me? If I become paralyzed and can’t do my duties, won’t I become useless?” My heart roiled with misery, and I just couldn’t understand why such a serious illness would come upon me. I felt like a deflated balloon, and I was really despondent. Afterward, I went home to recover.

After returning home, my state plummeted, and I no longer had the faith I once had. I felt like there was no hope in life anymore. I thought to myself, “Other brothers and sisters are healthy and actively doing their duties, but I’ve got a terrible limp when I walk, and I can’t do my duties. Maybe one day my illness will worsen and I’ll die, and then I’ll have no part in God’s salvation.” The more I thought like this, the more I felt abandoned by God, I didn’t want to pursue the truth anymore and I couldn’t concentrate on God’s words when I read them. I lived my days in confusion, and I started to wallow in my flesh. I thought to myself, “If I can still live, I’ll have my son buy me an apartment so I can live there and take care of my illness. I’ll just try to live as long as I can.” I saw nonbelieving relatives and friends who were healthy and who had cars and houses, while I’d believed in God and made sacrifices and expended myself for so many years, only to get sick, so I started to regret all the sacrifices and efforts I had made. My wife saw that my state was wrong and gave me fellowship, “God’s intention is behind this sudden illness. We have been so deeply corrupted by Satan, and our corrupt dispositions are deeply rooted in us. To thoroughly resolve and change these things, it isn’t enough to just read God’s words. We must also undergo various trials and refinements. We need to seek more to understand which aspect of our corrupt dispositions God intends to resolve through the onset of such a serious illness. You must quickly repent and change! You can’t complain against God!” After hearing my wife’s words, my heart became more peaceful, and I prayed to God, “God, I am in great pain right now. I don’t understand Your intention, please enlighten me.”

After praying, I looked for God’s words regarding His trial and refinement of people. One passage of God’s words really encouraged me. Almighty God says: “If you have always been very loyal, with much love for Me, yet you suffer the torment of illness, financial strain, and the abandonment of your friends and relatives, or if you endure any other misfortunes in life, will your loyalty and love for Me still continue?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. A Very Serious Problem: Betrayal (2)). In reading God’s words, it felt as if God was questioning me to my face. I felt deeply ashamed. In the past, when God had blessed me and everything had gone smoothly without any disasters or misfortunes, I had been willing to do my duties to satisfy God. I had been willing to eat and drink God’s words and pursue the truth to strive upward. Even when the CCP had captured me, I hadn’t backed down or become negative, and had continued to do my duties after being released. I’d felt that I had endless energy. But now, faced with this illness and the possibility of paralysis, and seeing that my hopes of being blessed had been shattered, I had lost my faith in God, and all my complaints and misunderstandings about God had rushed to the fore. I’d thought that since I had made so many sacrifices and expended myself, God shouldn’t let me experience illness or misfortune, and that God should bless me and give me good health. When my desires hadn’t been met, I had found myself wallowing in a state of silently opposing God. I hadn’t wanted to read God’s words anymore, nor had I felt like reflecting to learn lessons. Instead, I had become negative and complained, and had given into utter despair. Through the revelation of the facts, I finally saw that my former love and loyalty had been false. God had permitted this illness to come not to eliminate me, but to use this situation to cleanse my corruption, and I shouldn’t misunderstand God. After understanding God’s intention, I felt deeply indebted to God. I couldn’t remain so negative any longer, and whether my illness improved or not, I first should submit and learn lessons from my suffering.

One day, I read that God’s words say: “So many believe in Me only that I might heal them. So many believe in Me only that I might use My power to drive unclean spirits out from their bodies, and so many believe in Me simply that they might receive peace and joy from Me. So many believe in Me only to demand from Me greater material wealth. So many believe in Me just to spend this life in peace and to be safe and sound in the world to come. So many believe in Me to avoid the suffering of hell and to receive the blessings of heaven. So many believe in Me only for temporary comfort, yet do not seek to gain anything in the world to come. When I grant My fury to people and seize all the joy and peace that they once possessed, they become doubtful. When I grant to people the suffering of hell and reclaim the blessings of heaven, they fly into a rage. When people ask Me to heal them, and I pay them no heed and feel abhorrence toward them, they depart from Me to instead seek the way of evil medicine and sorcery. When I take away all that people have demanded from Me, they all disappear without a trace. Thus, I say that people have faith in Me because My grace is too abundant, and because there are far too many benefits to gain” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. What Do You Know of Faith?). “Man’s relationship with God is merely one of naked self-interest. It is a relationship between a receiver and a giver of blessings. To put it plainly, it is the relationship between an employee and an employer. The employee works hard only to receive the rewards bestowed by the employer. There is no affection in such an interests-based relationship, only transaction. There is no loving or being loved, only charity and mercy. There is no understanding, only helpless suppressed indignation and deception. There is no intimacy, only an uncrossable chasm. Now that things have gotten to this point, who can reverse such a course? And how many people are capable of truly understanding how dire this relationship has become? I believe that when people immerse themselves in the joy of being blessed, none can imagine how embarrassing and unsightly such a relationship with God is” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Appendix 3: Man Can Only Be Saved Amidst God’s Management). God’s exposure addressed my state directly. I believed in God and did my duties just to receive God’s grace, avoid the great catastrophes, and enjoy the blessings of heaven. Looking back to when I had first accepted this stage of work, I had thought that as long as I could do my duties, make sacrifices and expend myself for God, suffer, and pay a price, then I would obtain a beautiful destination. Later, to receive God’s blessings, I had made sacrifices, expended myself, and done my duties, and no matter how much the world slandered me or how my family rejected me, nothing could stop me. Even when I had been arrested by the police, I hadn’t given up on my duties. I had thought that by paying such a price, I would surely receive God’s blessings, and survive the great catastrophes. But when illness had struck, and I had been at risk of paralysis and of not being able to do my duties, I’d felt like I had lost all hope of salvation. I had kept complaining and arguing with God in my heart, feeling that since I’d given so much for God, God should protect me, and not allow me to suffer the torment of painful illness. When my desire for blessings had been shattered, I had begun to feel resistant toward the situation God had arranged for me, becoming negative and opposed to it, even to the point of regretting my past sacrifices. Only now did I see how I’d been viewing my faith in God with a transactional mindset, wanting to take advantage of my apparent sacrifices and efforts to attempt to bargain with God in exchange for His blessings. I had been acting just like a hired laborer, thinking that after working hard, I should receive corresponding rewards from God. I didn’t have any sincerity toward God. I had just been trying to deceive and use Him. I thought of these words of God: “If your loyalty comes with intentions and conditions, then I would rather be without your so-called loyalty, for I abhor those who deceive Me through their intentions and extort Me with conditions. I wish only for man to be absolutely loyal to Me, and to do all things for the sake of—and in order to prove—one word: faith” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Are You a True Believer in God?). God’s disposition is righteous and holy. God is sincere with people and asks for nothing in return. God also hopes that people can be single-minded in their devotion to Him, and God doesn’t want people to believe in Him with falseness or impurity. But in paying a price and expending myself, I had been attempting to bargain with God in exchange for grace and blessings. I had wanted to use God to achieve my own goals, and when I didn’t receive blessings, I had complained against God. How could a selfish person like me not be despised and hated by God? If it hadn’t been for God’s revelation, I wouldn’t have known my despicable intentions behind my belief in God, I would have continued down the wrong path, and ultimately, I would have been eliminated by God. Realizing this, I felt deeply indebted to God, and I prayed to Him, “God, I’ve believed in You for so many years, but I haven’t been sincere. I’ve been trying to bargain with You and deceive You. This faith of mine is disgusting and detestable to You. God, I’m willing to repent to You. Please enlighten and illuminate me, and guide me out of my wrong state.”

Afterward, I pondered: I had thought that by believing in God, and by making sacrifices and expending myself for Him, I should gain His protection and blessings, and shouldn’t face illness or misfortune. How exactly was this viewpoint wrong? I thought of a passage of God’s words: “Job had suffered the ravages of Satan, yet still he did not forsake the name of Jehovah God. His wife was the first to step out and, playing the role of Satan in a form that is visible to the eyes of man, attacked Job. The original text describes it thus: ‘Then said his wife to him, Do you still retain your integrity? curse God, and die’ (Job 2:9).” “Faced with the advice of his wife, Job not only did not give up his integrity or renounce God, but he also said to his wife: ‘Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?’ Do these words carry great weight? Here, there is only one fact capable of proving the weight of these words. The weight of these words is that they are approved of by God in His heart, they are what was desired by God, they are what God wanted to hear, and they are the outcome that God yearned to see; these words are also the marrow of Job’s testimony” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II). After Job lost his children and possessions, and had sores all over his body, he not only didn’t complain against God, but also told his wife that they should accept both blessings and misfortunes from God. Job knew that his children and possessions had been given by God, and that it was right for God to take them away. No matter how God treated him, he had no complaints and didn’t make demands or seek to bargain with God. From Job’s experience, I understood that belief in God isn’t only about enjoying God’s grace and blessings, but also about accepting the trials and hardships that come from God. Whether we receive blessings or misfortunes is all in God’s hands, and we should accept and submit without making demands of God. I also understood that I could complain when I fell ill, because I didn’t understand God’s righteous disposition. I read that God’s words say: “Righteousness is by no means fairness or reasonableness; it is not egalitarianism, or a matter of allocating to you what you deserve in accordance with how much work you have completed, or paying you for whatever work you have done, or giving you your due according to what effort you expend. This is not righteousness, it is merely being fair and reasonable. Very few people are capable of knowing God’s righteous disposition. Suppose God had eliminated Job after Job bore witness for Him: Would this be righteous? In fact, it would be. Why is this called righteousness? How do people view righteousness? If something is in line with people’s notions, it is then very easy for them to say that God is righteous; however, if they do not see that thing as being in line with their notions—if it is something that they are incapable of comprehending—then it would be difficult for them to say that God is righteous. If God had destroyed Job back then, people would not have said He was righteous. Actually, though, whether people have been corrupted or not, and whether they have been profoundly corrupted or not, does God have to justify Himself when He destroys them? Should He have to explain to people upon what basis it is that He does so? Must God tell people the rules He has ordained? There is no need. In God’s eyes, someone who is corrupt, and who is liable to oppose God, is without any worth; however God handles them will be appropriate, and all are the arrangements of God. If you were displeasing to God’s eyes, and if He said that He had no use for you after your testimony and therefore destroyed you, would this, too, be His righteousness? It would. You might not be able to recognize this right now from the facts, but you must understand in doctrine. What would you say—is God’s destruction of Satan an expression of His righteousness? (Yes.) What if He allowed Satan to remain? You dare not say, yes? God’s essence is righteousness. Though it is not easy to comprehend what He does, all that He does is righteous; it is simply that people do not understand. When God gave Peter to Satan, how did Peter respond? ‘Mankind is unable to fathom what You do, but all of what You do contains Your good will; there is righteousness in all of it. How can I not utter praise for Your wisdom and deeds?’” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading God’s words, I realized that my viewpoint was distorted. In my heart, I thought that righteousness entailed fairness and reasonableness, that it was egalitarianism, and that the amount of work I did should be matched by the payment I received. Over my years of faith, I’d given up a lot, and I’d forsaken both my family and career, so I felt that God should bless me, and keep me free from sickness and disaster, that everything should go smoothly, and that eventually, I should be able to enter the kingdom. I felt that this was fair and reasonable, and this was how God would be righteous. When I saw other brothers and sisters living in peace and without problems, while I was suffering from such a serious illness, I complained that God was unrighteous. I was using corrupt human views and logic of trade and transaction to judge God’s righteousness. This viewpoint was distorted and didn’t align with the truth. God is the Creator, and everything I have come from Him, so I shouldn’t make these irrational demands of God. I was too lacking in reason! No matter how God treats people, whether He sends down blessings or misfortune upon them, it all contains His good intentions. People should accept and submit and not make demands of God. This is the conscience and reason that people should have. After realizing this, my heart became much brighter. After that, I began to adjust my state by eating and drinking God’s words each day. After some time, my illness improved significantly, and the church arranged for me to do my duty again. I felt both happy and grateful, and I was constantly thanking God. I was willing to cherish my duty, and to no longer expend myself and do my duty for the sake of blessings as I had in the past. I only wished to fulfill my duty as a created being to satisfy God.

Six months later, my illness relapsed, and my lower back pain was worse than before. I had to lean on a cane to go to the bathroom, and every step was exhausting. The treatment was having no effect. My doctor sighed in despair and said that my illness was difficult to treat. After hearing the doctor say this, I felt a deep pain in my heart. I thought to myself, “Is my illness really untreatable? Am I going to end up paralyzed? If things carry on like this, won’t I end up becoming useless?” Then I thought, “I haven’t delayed my duties because of my illness, and I’ve given my all. My condition should have improved, so why has it worsened instead? Is God going to eliminate me?” The more I thought, the more negative I became, and inwardly, I began to demand God to take away my illness. My focus was wholly placed upon my hopes of my illness getting better, and my mood changed every day along with the progress of my illness. If my condition improved even slightly, I was happy, but if I saw my condition worsen, my heart would sink. One day, I suddenly thought of a line from God’s words: “Of everything that occurs in the universe, there is nothing in which I do not have the final say. Is there anything that is not in My hands?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 1). God’s words made things clear to me. Everything in the universe is under God’s control, including the state of my illness. I shouldn’t be demanding God to take away my illness. This was unreasonable. I should submit.

Later, I read these words of God: “For all people, refinement is excruciating, and very difficult to accept—yet it is during refinement that God makes plain His righteous disposition to man, and makes public His requirements for man, and provides more enlightenment and more practical pruning. Through the comparison between the facts and the truth, man gains a greater knowledge of himself and the truth, and a greater understanding of God’s intentions, thus allowing man to have a truer and purer love of God. Such are God’s aims in carrying out the work of refinement. All the work that God does in man has its own aims and significance; God does not do meaningless work, nor does He do work that is without benefit to man. Refinement does not mean removing people from before God, nor does it mean destroying them in hell. Rather, it means changing man’s disposition during refinement, changing his intentions, his old views, changing his love for God, and changing his whole life. Refinement is a practical test of man, and a form of practical training, and only during refinement can his love serve its inherent function” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only by Experiencing Refinement Can Man Possess True Love). After reading God’s words, my heart suddenly brightened. It turned out that the illness wasn’t because God wanted to eliminate me, but because my desire for blessings was too great, and this had to be resolved through this kind of situation. This was God’s love upon me. Although I had some understanding of my intentions and views regarding gaining blessings, these hadn’t been fully resolved, and when my illness recurred, I began to complain and misunderstand God again. I saw that my intentions to gain blessings were deeply rooted, and that I needed to undergo more pain and trials to be cleansed. God’s disposition is righteous and holy, so how could God allow a filthy and corrupt person who even complained about and resisted Him to enter His kingdom? I’d spent my years of faith single-mindedly pursuing blessings, focusing only on outward sacrifices and expenditures, but not on pursuing the truth. My disposition hadn’t changed at all, and yet I still wanted to enter the kingdom and receive God’s blessings. Was this not just wishful thinking? If I continued pursuing like this, not only would I not be saved by God, but I would also be punished by Him. At this point, I realized that although from the outside this illness seemed like a bad thing, in reality, God was cleansing my corruption and saving me, and behind this was God’s painstaking intention. Realizing this, I was deeply moved and filled with regret, and I felt that I wasn’t worthy at all of such salvation from God. I hadn’t understood God’s heart, and I had repeatedly misunderstood and complained about Him. I was truly lacking in conscience and reason!

I then read more of God’s words: “What is the standard by which a person’s actions and behavior are judged to be good or evil? It is whether or not they, in their thoughts, revelations, and actions, possess the testimony of putting the truth into practice and of living out the truth reality. If you do not have this reality or live this out, then without doubt, you are an evildoer. How does God regard evildoers? To God, your thoughts and external acts do not bear testimony for Him, nor do they humiliate and defeat Satan; instead, they bring shame to Him, and they are riddled with marks of the dishonor that you have brought upon Him. You are not testifying for God, you are not expending yourself for God, nor are you fulfilling your responsibilities and obligations to God; instead, you are acting for your own sake. What does ‘for your own sake’ mean? To be precise, it means for Satan’s sake. Therefore, in the end, God will say, ‘Depart from Me, you that work iniquity.’ In God’s eyes, your actions will not be seen as good deeds, they will be considered evil deeds. Not only will they fail to gain God’s approval—they will be condemned. What does one hope to gain from such a belief in God? Would such belief not come to naught in the end?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). From God’s words, I understood what true good deeds are. If a person fulfills the duty of a created being to love and satisfy God, without their own intentions and purposes, and they aren’t acting for their own interests or selfish desires, then such practice is approved by God, and it is a truly good deed. In the past, I thought that as long as I could make sacrifices, expend myself, do more in my duty, and suffer more, this would count as preparing good deeds, and I would be sure to have a good destination in the future. Now, based on God’s words, I realized that my views on measuring good deeds were wrong. Doing one’s duty and preparing good deeds is in accordance with God’s intentions, but if a person has adulterated intentions and wants to use God to achieve their own goals, this is an evil deed, and even if this person pays a great price, God won’t approve, and instead they will be deemed an evildoer by God. If this person doesn’t repent and continues to pursue this way, they are sure to be eliminated by God, for God has said: “You must know what kind of people I desire; those who are impure are not permitted to enter into the kingdom, those who are impure are not permitted to besmirch the holy ground. Though you may have done much work, and worked for many years, in the end if you are still deplorably filthy, then it will be intolerable to the law of Heaven that you wish to enter My kingdom! From the foundation of the world until today, never have I offered easy access to My kingdom to those who curry favor with Me. This is a heavenly rule, and no one can break it!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Success or Failure Depends on the Path That Man Walks). Under the exposure of God’s words, my wrong perspective on things turned around somewhat. I prayed to God, saying that moving forward, I wished to do my duty with the right intentions, that I’d no longer try to bargain with God, and that whether I were to receive blessings or misfortune, I would be willing to fulfill the duty of a created being to repay God’s love.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “As created beings, people ought to perform their duty, and only then can they receive the approval of the Creator. Created beings live under the Creator’s dominion, and they accept all that is provided by God and everything that comes from God, so they should fulfill their responsibilities and obligations. This is perfectly natural and justified, and was ordained by God. From this it can be seen that, for people to perform the duty of a created being is more just, beautiful, and noble than anything else done while living on earth; nothing among humankind is more meaningful or worthy, and nothing brings greater meaning and worth to the life of a created person, than performing the duty of a created being. On earth, only the group of people who truly and sincerely perform the duty of a created being are those who submit to the Creator. This group does not follow worldly trends; they submit to the leadership and guidance of God, only listen to the words of the Creator, accept the truths expressed by the Creator, and live by the words of the Creator. This is the truest, most resounding testimony, and it is the best testimony of belief in God. For a created being to be able to fulfill the duty of a created being, to be able to satisfy the Creator, is the most beautiful thing among humankind, and is something that should be spread as a tale to be praised by all people. Anything the Creator entrusts to created beings should be unconditionally accepted by them; for humankind, this is a matter of both happiness and privilege, and for all those who fulfill the duty of a created being, nothing is more beautiful or worthy of commemoration—it is something positive. And as for how the Creator treats those who can fulfill the duty of a created being, and what He promises them, this is a matter for the Creator; it is no business of created humankind. To put it a little more plainly and simply, this is up to God, and people have no right to interfere. You will get whatever God gives you, and if He gives you nothing, then there is nothing you can say about it. When a created being accepts God’s commission, and cooperates with the Creator to perform their duty and do what they can, this is not a transaction or a trade; people should not try to trade expressions of attitudes or actions and behaviors to gain any promises or blessings from God” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Seven)). After reading God’s words, I understood that since God created man and gave him the breath of life, and now had given me the opportunity to do the duty of a created being, this was already God’s grace, and an exceptional elevation, and I shouldn’t make any demands of God. I am a created being, and I should fulfill my duty at all times, unconditionally and without seeking to bargain or making demands. This is the reason I should have. Furthermore, God’s intention isn’t for us to make outward sacrifices and expenditures to obtain His grace and blessings, but for us to gain the truth through doing our duties, to resolve our corruptions, impurities, and satanic dispositions, and to ultimately be purified and attain salvation. This is what God hopes to see, and this is the goal I should pursue in my duty. After understanding God’s intention, I felt much more at ease, and although my illness hadn’t improved, I no longer felt so constrained. Afterward, I reflected on myself while receiving treatment, resolving that no matter whether the illness would improve or what the eventual outcome would be, I would entrust everything to God and no longer make any demands. After some time, my condition began to improve, and I could walk normally. Before long, I was able to do my duty in the church again.

Through this experience, I came to realize that painful refinement is necessary for my life, and that without such refinement, I would still be living in my own notions and imaginings, and I’d still be believing in God and doing my duties with the intention of gaining blessings. If I kept on like this in my pursuit, I would have ultimately ended up being revealed and eliminated by God. I thank God for arranging real situations to reveal me, change me, and purify me. This was God’s salvation for me!