By Yu Lu, China

In 2018, I was elected as a leader in the church. At the time, Li Hua was persistently suppressing and tormenting others, and disturbing the life of the church. We needed to expose and dissect her behavior as an evil person in combination with the words of God. Lin Ru, the sister I was partnered with, asked me to go with her. When we were fellowshipping with Li Hua and exposing her, Li Hua did not accept it. She had a vile attitude. Not only did she not admit her evil deeds, she also stared us down and defended herself. When I saw her vicious look, I felt a little scared. In my heart, I constantly prayed to God and asked for God’s leadership. At this time, I turned on the computer and saw a passage of God’s words that matched Li Hua’s behavior very well. We read it together, and then I exposed her evil deeds in combination with the contradictions between what she had said at different times and her persistent behavior. Other brothers and sisters also exposed her behavior together and only then was she convinced. After Li Hua left, one sister said, “When I saw the manner of this evil person today, I really was a bit scared. If you hadn’t exposed her, she really would not have been convinced.” When I heard this, although I said “Thank God, this is all God’s leadership,” in my heart I felt really happy. I felt that I actually did have some work capability. A while later, I went to hold a gathering for the text-based workers. Because I didn’t have a good grasp of the principles of text-based work, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to fellowship clearly and people would look down on me. So in my heart, I constantly prayed to God, asking for His guidance. Afterward, I read the principles together with them, shared some of my own comprehension, and fellowshipped on and resolved the problems and deviations in their work. Everyone knew how to do the work after that. Some brothers and sisters said happily that my fellowship brought them some help. When I saw that I had achieved some results in doing my duty during that time, and my brothers and sisters all admired me, I felt quite pleased with myself inside. “In the future, I have to help them to solve more problems. This way, everyone will definitely admire me even more.” Soon, the upper-level leaders arranged for me to be responsible for several difficult tasks. At first I felt that they were very difficult and impossible to complete. The leaders fellowshipped with me about Moses leading the Israelites across the Red Sea and the words of God relating to faith. After that, I had the resolve to get the work done. When I encountered difficulties in the process of doing it and didn’t know what to do, I prayed to God many times and sought the truth principles. Slowly, the work was successfully completed. I couldn’t help but start to appreciate myself, thinking that no difficulty was too much for me. Later, when brothers and sisters encountered difficulties in doing their duties and lost faith, I would flaunt myself in front of my brothers and sisters, “Your difficulties are nothing. They are much smaller than the difficulties I had in doing my duty.” Then, I talked at great length about how I relied on God to solve the difficulties I encountered in doing my duty. However, I didn’t mention my own states of negativity, loss of faith and even the desire to give up during this process. After the conversation, I had some awareness in my heart. Wasn’t this exalting myself and showing off? But on second thought, “I also talked about how I relied on God to solve problems and difficulties. This doesn’t count as showing off.” Especially when I saw the envious and admiring expressions of my brothers and sisters, I felt that I did understand the truth and had some work capability.

Once I went to a gathering. Sister Liu Li, who was responsible for the church cleansing work, said, “A church leader has reported that someone’s behavior is pretty bad. They fellowshipped with him, but not only did he refuse to accept it and try to defend himself, he also attempted to gain leverage against them. If I encountered such a person, I wouldn’t know how to fellowship with them and expose them. I would feel a bit scared in my heart.” I thought to myself, “I’ll have to tell you how I expose evil people, so that you learn something.” I then talked all about how I exposed Li Hua, how she didn’t accept it, and how she was finally convinced utterly. The more I talked, the more excited I got. Although I also mentioned that I was a little timid and scared at the time, I just mentioned this simply in passing. After Liu Li listened, she looked at me with envy and admiration and said, “If I had been in your place, I wouldn’t have known how to expose her.” Listening to her say this, I felt very happy. I enjoyed it very much. During that time, my desire to show off was getting stronger and stronger. Every time I came back from a gathering, I would tell Lin Ru all about the problems I had discovered in the church and how I had solved them. Lin Ru would often say, “It’s true, you’re very good at discovering and solving problems! If it were me, I might not be able to find the problems, let alone solve them.” Later, whenever Lin Ru encountered anything, she would ask me how to deal with it and resolve it. She would wait for me to come back and handle even minor things. My health was poor, and Lin Ru told me, “You should take care of your health. If your health fails, who will do the work of our church?” The sisters who I worked with always gave me nutritious things to eat, and I had an even stronger sense that I was the backbone of the church. Later, my brothers and sisters would all come and find me to fellowship about all their problems and solicit my opinions. At every gathering, my brothers and sisters would scramble to ask me questions. I felt great pleasure in my heart, thinking, “It looks like I am indispensable to the work of this church. Without me at the helm, it just wouldn’t work!” I thought of the work of the entire church: No matter how major or minor the matter, it was up to me to make the final decision. Therefore, I felt that I had a great sense of presence. But because I never reflected on and understood myself, God’s anger came upon me.

One evening in June 2021, I was sleeping at home. A crowd of policemen broke down the door and rushed in, turning my home upside down. They also took me to the county case-handling center for interrogation. They handcuffed me to a chair. I was rather scared. I was worried about whether I would be beaten or sentenced to prison. In my heart, I didn’t dare to leave God, and I kept calling on God to keep me from turning Judas. During those several days of interrogation, I kept thinking, “What is God’s intention in bringing this environment upon me? Did I do something that was not in accordance with God’s intention?” The police asked me to tell them information relating to the church, but I didn’t say anything. The police sarcastically said to me, “Aren’t you just a little leader? You’re in charge of dozens of people, and you can arrange things just how you like. This gives you a great feeling of validation, does it? You’re a brave little leader to show off in here!” I was shocked, and prayed in my heart, “Dear God, why did the police say that to me? May You enlighten me.” After praying, I thought back to the various ways I had behaved in doing my duty during this time. When I had been to various team gatherings, the brothers and sisters had all been scrambling to ask me how to deal with problems and solve difficulties. In my heart, I had enjoyed this. The sister I was partnered with had also been very dependent on me. No matter how big or small the matter, she would always come to ask my opinion. I had felt that I was indispensable to the work of the church, and that I had to take the helm and make the final decision in all matters. This had given me a real sense of validation. Was I not bringing the brothers and sisters before me? Antichrists compete with God for status and people. In the end, they bring people before themselves. Was the nature of what I had been doing not identical to that of an antichrist? Only then did I realize that I had started to walk on the path of antichrists. This incurs God’s loathing and hatred. The more I thought, the more scared I became. I prayed to God, “Dear God! I was wrong. If it weren’t for being arrested by the police, I wouldn’t have reflected on and understood the path I am walking on. I’ve been so numb! This arrest is Your love coming upon me, and is the suffering I deserve. I am willing to accept it. No matter how many years I am sentenced to, I will submit.” During the dozen or so days I was detained, I felt constant regret and self-reproach. I hated myself for being too numb and doing things to resist God without realizing it. When I determined that I would not betray God, sell out the interests of the house of God, or the brothers and sisters, even if that meant I died in prison, God’s love came upon me again. The police were preparing to send me to the detention house. First, they took me to the hospital to do a physical examination. Unexpectedly, the pregnancy test result showed that I was pregnant, so the detention house didn’t take me in. After twelve days in detention, the police applied for me to be released on bail pending trial. Later I discovered that I wasn’t pregnant at all. I saw God’s wonderful deeds, and my heart was full of gratitude to God. At the same time, I also felt that I owed too much to God.

After being released, I began to reflect on everything I had done in doing my duty. Actually, I knew my real stature. If it hadn’t been for God’s enlightenment and leadership, I wouldn’t have been able to do my duty well. However, I had used God’s enlightenment as capital for flaunting myself, and had brought the brothers and sisters before me. This incurred God’s loathing. I read these words of God: “Exalting and testifying about themselves, flaunting themselves, trying to make people think highly of them and worship them—corrupt mankind is capable of these things. This is how people instinctively react when they are governed by their satanic natures, and it is common to all of corrupt mankind. How do people usually exalt and testify about themselves? How do they achieve the aim of making people think highly of them and worship them? They testify to how much work they have done, how much they have suffered, how much they have expended themselves, and what price they have paid. They exalt themselves by talking about their capital, which gives them a higher, firmer, more secure place in people’s minds, so that more people appreciate, think highly of, admire, and even worship, look up to, and follow them. To achieve this aim, people do many things that testify to God on the surface, but essentially exalt and testify about themselves. Is acting that way reasonable? They are beyond the purview of rationality and have no shame, that is, they unabashedly testify to what they have done for God and how much they have suffered for Him. They even flaunt their gifts, talents, experience, special skills, their clever techniques for worldly dealings, the means they use to toy with people, and so on. Their method of exalting and testifying about themselves is to flaunt themselves and belittle others. They also camouflage and package themselves, hiding their weaknesses, shortcomings, and deficiencies from people so that they only ever see their brilliance. They do not even dare to tell other people when they feel negative; they lack the courage to open up and fellowship with them, and when they do something wrong, they do their utmost to conceal it and cover it up. Never do they mention the harm they have caused to the work of the church in the course of doing their duty. When they have made some minor contribution or achieved some small success, however, they are quick to show it off. They cannot wait to let the whole world know how capable they are, how high their caliber is, how exceptional they are, and how much better they are than normal people. Is this not a way of exalting and testifying about themselves? Is exalting and testifying about oneself something someone with conscience and reason does? It is not. So when people do this, what disposition is usually revealed? Arrogance. This is one of the chief dispositions revealed, followed by deceitfulness, which involves doing everything possible to make other people hold them in high esteem. Their words are completely watertight and clearly contain motivations and schemes, they are showing themselves off, yet they want to hide this fact. The outcome of what they say is that people are made to feel that they are better than others, that no one is their equal, that everyone else is inferior to them. And is this outcome not achieved via underhanded means? What disposition is behind such means? And are there any elements of wickedness? (There are.) This is a kind of wicked disposition” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). God said that corrupt humans like to make people think highly of them and look up to them. When they get some results from doing their duty, they use it as capital to show off. They very naturally flaunt themselves in front of people. I looked back to the time I was doing the duty of leader. When I had seen that the people responsible for cleansing work didn’t dare to expose an evil person, in order to make them think highly of me, I had flaunted how I’d exposed an evil person and made the evil person convinced. I had described the process in great detail, but had passed very briefly over my own timidity and fear. When they heard this, they had all been envious and admired me. When the brothers and sisters had encountered difficulties in doing their duty and lost faith, I would fellowship about how I had overcome difficulties and smoothly completed the work so that they saw my work capability. The brothers and sisters had thought very highly of me after hearing this. I had also shown off in front of the sister I was partnered with. Every time I finished handling the work of the church, I would talk in front of her about how I had discovered problems and fellowshipped to resolve them. This had resulted in her becoming dependent on me in both major and minor affairs. Because I had been in poor health, she had been worried that I would get too exhausted to do my duty normally, and so she would save all the tasty and nutritious things for me. I saw how I had exalted myself and shown off at every turn, making people think highly of me and look up to me. This was wanting to have status in people’s hearts! The duties of a leader are to exalt God, testify to God, and bring the brothers and sisters before God. This is God’s intention. However, I had brought all the brothers and sisters before myself. I truly had no humanity, and had been utterly lacking in conscience and reason!

I read another passage of God’s words: “Once people have grown arrogant in nature and essence, they can often rebel against and resist God, not heed His words, generate notions about Him, do things that betray Him, and things that exalt and bear testimony to themselves. You say you are not arrogant, but suppose you were given a church and allowed to lead it; suppose that I did not prune you, and that no one in God’s family criticized or helped you: After leading it a while, you would bring people to your feet and make them obey you, even to the point of admiring and revering you. And why would you do that? This would be determined by your nature; it would be none other than a natural revelation. You do not have any need to learn this from others, nor is there any need for them to teach it to you. You do not need others to instruct you or compel you to do this; this kind of situation comes about naturally. Everything you do is about making people exalt you, praise you, worship you, obey you, and listen to you in all things. Allowing you to be a leader naturally brings about this situation, and it cannot be changed. And how does this situation come about? It is determined by man’s arrogant nature. The manifestation of arrogance is rebellion and resistance against God. When people are arrogant, conceited, and self-righteous, they tend to set up their own independent kingdoms and do things in whatever way they want. They also bring others into their own hands and draw them into their embraces. For people to be capable of doing such arrogant things, it just proves that the essence of their arrogant nature is that of Satan; it is that of the archangel. When their arrogance and conceit reach a certain level, they no longer have a place for God in their hearts, and God is put aside. They then wish to be God, make people obey them, and they become the archangel. If you possess such a satanic arrogant nature, God will have no place in your heart. Even if you believe in God, God will no longer recognize you, will view you as an evil person, and will eliminate you” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. An Arrogant Nature Is at the Root of Man’s Resistance to God). God said that since people have an arrogant nature, they will do things that resist God and rebel against God. This is what is revealed naturally by people. I thought of how when I had just started to be a leader, I encountered some problems and difficulties in my work. Thanks to God’s enlightenment and leadership, my work yielded some results, but I did not give the glory to God. Instead, I used it as capital to show off myself. I thought, “I can solve this problem and handle that difficulty”; I felt like I already understood the truth and knew how to work. As a result, I became even more arrogant. Because I showed myself off at every turn while doing my duty, when problems came upon my brothers and sisters, they did not pray to God and rely on God. Instead, they relied on me to resolve them. I even shamelessly thought that I understood the truth better than others, that I was the backbone of the church, that I was at the helm, and that I was indispensable in the church. At this point, I felt how foolish and laughable I had been. I was so arrogant that I lacked even a shred of reason! I thought of Paul. Because he was too arrogant, he constantly testified to himself about how many people he had gained through preaching the gospel, how far he had traveled, and how much he had suffered, and he finally testified that to him, to live was christ. He offended God’s disposition and was punished by God. Was I not walking on Paul’s path? If I didn’t repent, my outcome would be the same as Paul’s.

After that, I continued to seek the truth and reflect on my problems. I read a passage of God’s words: “The word ‘glory’ does not belong to humans. It can only belong to God, to the Creator, and has nothing to do with created human beings. Even if people exert themselves and cooperate, they are still under the leadership of the Holy Spirit’s work. If there is no work of the Holy Spirit, what can people do? The word ‘testimony’ does not belong to humans either. Whether it be the noun ‘testimony’ or the verb ‘testify,’ both these words themselves have nothing to do with created human beings. Only the Creator is worthy of being testified to and worthy of people’s testimony. This is determined by God’s identity, status, and essence, and it is also because everything God does comes from God’s efforts, and God is worthy of having it. What people can do is decidedly limited, and is all the result of the enlightenment, leadership, and guidance of the Holy Spirit. As for human nature, people become arrogant once they understand some truths and can do a little bit of work. If they have no judgment and chastisement from God to accompany them, no one can achieve submission to God and testify to Him. As a result of God’s preordination, people may have some gifts or special talents, have learned some profession or skills, or have a bit of cleverness, and so they become insufferably arrogant, and constantly want God to share His glory and His testimony with them. Is this not unreasonable? This is unreasonable in the extreme. This shows they are standing in the wrong position. They regard themselves not as human beings, but as a breed apart, as superhumans” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). After reading God’s words, I was quite ashamed. Glory and testimony have nothing to do with humans. Only the Creator is worthy of being testified. God suffered the pain of the world to save mankind. Persecuted by the CCP, ridiculed by the world, and condemned and slandered by the religious community, God has always borne it silently. God has paid such a great price for us. We can’t express it in words. I’m just a tiny created being. Even if I can do some duties, these are limited. It’s just like when I exposed the evil person Li Hua. It was God who led me to find the appropriate words of God, and the evil person was only convinced when my brothers and sisters exposed her on top of that. When I encountered difficulties in my duty, it was God who promptly arranged for the leaders to fellowship with me. I understood God’s intentions from God’s words, and only then did I have faith. This was all done by God. I didn’t do anything worthy of praise myself. If it hadn’t been for God’s leadership, I could not possibly have achieved good results in doing my duty. However, I took the credit for all of this. I truly was arrogant and lacking in reason! My corrupt disposition was so serious, but God did not abandon me and eliminate me because of my evil deeds. It was God who set up the environment in which I was arrested, to halt me in my tracks and stop me from doing evil. He also used the mouth of a police officer to make me reflect on and understand myself. The essence of God is so beautiful and kind! I also truly experienced that only God is worthy of people’s praise and testimony! Later, I read these words of God: “So, what way of acting is not exalting and testifying about oneself? If you show off and testify about yourself regarding a certain matter, you will achieve the result of making some people think highly of you and worship you. But if you lay yourself bare and share your self-knowledge regarding that same matter, the nature of this is different. Is this not true? Laying oneself bare to talk about one’s self-knowledge is something that ordinary humanity ought to possess. It is a positive thing. If you really know yourself and speak about your state accurately, genuinely, and precisely; if you speak about knowledge that is completely based on God’s words; if those who listen to you are edified and benefit from it; and if you testify to God’s work and glorify Him, that is testifying about God. If, through laying yourself bare, you talk a lot about your strengths, how you have suffered, and paid the price, and stood firm in your testimony, and as a result, people have a high opinion of you and worship you, then this is testifying about yourself. You need to be able to tell the difference between these two behaviors” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). After reading the words of God, I found a path to exalt God and testify to God. I also understood the difference between testifying to God and showing oneself off. They both involve fellowshipping about one’s own experiences, but the key difference lies in one’s intentions and the results achieved. During the process of fellowship, we should speak about our own true state and the corruption we have revealed, combine this with the words of God to expose our own corruption, and finally talk about what paths of practice we have found and what understandings of God we have gained. Only by fellowshipping in this way are we exalting God and testifying to God. If we only talk about how we solved problems and how we stood firm in our testimony when things came upon us, and only talk about the good side without exposing our own corruption, then this sort of fellowship is just showing ourselves off. When I talked about my experience, I didn’t open up and lay bare the corruption I had revealed. Each time, everything that I expressed in front of my brothers and sisters was positive, active entry. This made my brothers and sisters think that I had faith and was able to resolve problems. What I was doing was exalting myself and showing off.

Afterward, the church arranged for me to do text-based work. One day, I was discussing work with Sister Ding Ning, whom I was partnered with. Ding Ning said, “I think that my expression in the letter of communication I wrote to my brothers and sisters is not as clear as yours. I think the one you wrote is very good.” When Ding Ning had finished talking, I was very happy. I again wanted to show off how I wrote letters of communication. At this moment I had a realization: Was this not wanting to show off myself again? So I said to Ding Ning, “Actually, I also had difficulties in the writing process. Sometimes, I didn’t know how to express myself. I wrote something, deleted it, and wrote something else, and sometimes even felt like giving up. Later, I prayed to God to reflect on why I couldn’t write well. While seeking and pondering, I understood that when I was writing, my intention was incorrect. I was not writing in order to do my duty well—I wanted to write well to make people admire me. So I prayed to God that no matter how it was written, as long as it incorporated principles and the brothers and sisters could understand it, that would be fine. When I practiced like this and wrote again, I had some ideas, and was able to clearly express my intended meaning. I remembered these words of God: ‘I appear to the holy kingdom, and hide Myself from the land of filth’ (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 29). At this time, I understood the meaning of this sentence. When I had incorrect intentions and wanted to use writing the letter to show off, God hid His face from me, and however I wrote, it wasn’t any good. But when I set the correct mentality, and wrote in order to achieve results, I was able to write it smoothly under God’s leadership.” After Ding Ning heard this, she said she knew how to do it. By practicing in this way, my heart felt really at ease.

Afterward, when I was with my brothers and sisters, I consciously opened up, exposing my own corrupt disposition and the way I had exalted myself and put myself on display in the past, and talking about how God had set up an environment to save me and change me. So my brothers and sisters could discern me, and they could understand God’s salvation of people. Afterward, when I did my duty I did not exalt myself and show off as I had done in the past. That I was able to change in this way is the result of the leadership of God’s words. Thank God!