By Zi Cheng, China

In April 2024, my headaches worsened, and when I woke up in the morning, my head would start to feel swollen and painful, leaving me feeling foggy and a bit dizzy. At night, my arms and hands would often feel numb, and my neck also hurt so much that I couldn’t turn my head. I thought, “I’ve had headaches before, but they usually felt better in the morning. Why has my head been feeling all swollen and heavy when I wake up recently?” I went to the hospital for a check-up, and the doctor said I had insufficient blood supply to the brain, and that my blood pressure was also high. This is a common life-threatening disease for the elderly, and if it’s not treated, it might be life-threatening. The doctor immediately handed me an oral liquid to drink. I took the medicine, feeling a bit nervous, thinking, “Is it really that serious? How can this be? Is this doctor trying to scare me? Besides, I believe in God, and He is watching over and protecting me!” So I only got some medicine.

After some time, my headache didn’t improve. I searched for some information online, and found that if high blood pressure gets worse, it can lead to a brain hemorrhage, and insufficient blood supply to the brain can even lead to an ischemic stroke. This disease has a very high mortality rate. After seeing this, I felt a wave of unease in my heart. I kept feeling dizzy and foggy-headed. I was also always drowsy, and I never had any energy. Even my typing speed slowed down a lot, and my reactions were slower. I remembered that when I was eight, my father had a brain hemorrhage. He first had a headache when he got sick, and a few days later, he started showing signs of dementia, and his arms and legs felt numb. After a few more days, he became paralyzed on one side due to a stroke. After several months of treatment, he still passed away. My worries and concerns suddenly surfaced, and I wondered, “Am I going to have a stroke like my father? If I get a stroke, won’t that be the end for me? How would I pursue the truth and do my duty then? If I end up half paralyzed like my father, not only will I not be able to do my duty, but I might even lose my life one day. After believing in God for so many years, won’t I end up missing out on salvation? I’m almost 60 and I’ve got chronic conditions like rheumatoid arthritis, and cervical and lumbar spine issues. I’m responsible for the gospel work in several churches, but with so much to do, if I keep stressing myself out, will my condition worsen?” I then remembered someone I used to work with when I was young who told fortunes. He read my palm, and he said I would die from an illness at the age of 60. I didn’t take it seriously at the time, but as I approached that age, could it really be true that I’d only live to 60? I felt that if I really died, I wouldn’t be able to witness the beauty of God’s kingdom. I was disturbed and upset by these thoughts, and even complained, “I’ve been doing my duty all these years, even with my ailments; why hasn’t God removed my illness?” The more I thought about it, the more despondent I became. So I adjusted my sleep schedule, and I tried to rest as much as I could. I also exercised, and I looked for folk remedies to supplement my treatment. Before I knew it, my thoughts were all focused on nursing my body, and I no longer felt a sense of burden toward my duties. I just worried that overworking would really cause my death. Because I was following up on the work so slowly, the effectiveness of the gospel work gradually declined, and yet I felt no sense of urgency to resolve problems, resulting in the gospel work in several churches almost coming to a standstill. I even thought, “I’m getting older, and I have so many illnesses. Maybe I should tell the leaders that I’m going home to do my duties, so that if my condition worsens, I’ll have family to care for me.” Afterward, several gospel workers who were under my supervision were all in poor states, and the effectiveness of the gospel work kept declining. I felt a bit scared, realized my state wasn’t right, and then quickly came before God to pray, “God, because I’ve been diagnosed with insufficient blood supply to my brain and high blood pressure, I’m afraid I might have a stroke and become paralyzed, and die just like my father did. Because of this, I’ve not wanted to put in effort or stress about my duties, causing the gospel work to suffer a serious decline in effectiveness. God, I am willing to repent and seek the truth to resolve my worries and concerns about illness. Please guide me.”

Afterward, I consciously looked for God’s words on sickness to read. I read God’s words: “Then there are those who are in poor health, who have a weak constitution and lack energy, who are often sick with major or minor illnesses, who cannot even do the basic things necessary in daily life, who cannot live or get about like normal people. Such people often feel uncomfortable and unwell while performing their duties; some are physically weak, some have real illnesses, and of course there are some who have known and potential diseases of some kind or other. Because they have such practical physical difficulties, such people often sink into negative emotions and feel distress, anxiety, and worry. What are they feeling distressed, anxious, and worried about? They worry that if they keep performing their duty like this, expending themselves and running around for God like this, and always feeling this tired, then will their health deteriorate more and more? When they reach 40 or 50, will they be confined to their beds? Do these worries hold up? Will anyone provide a concrete way of dealing with this? Who will take responsibility for this? Who will be answerable? People with poor health and who are physically unfit feel distressed, anxious, and worried about such things” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). “Even though birth, old age, sickness and death are constants among mankind and are unavoidable in life, there are those with a certain physical constitution or special illness who, whether they’re performing their duties or not, fall into distress, anxiety, and worry over the difficulties and diseases of the flesh; they worry about their illness, they worry about the many hardships their illness may cause them, whether their illness will become serious, what the consequences will be if it does become serious, and whether they will die from it. In special situations and certain contexts, this series of questions causes them to become mired in distress, anxiety, and worry and unable to extricate themselves; some people even live in a state of distress, anxiety, and worry because of the serious disease they already know they have or a latent disease they can do nothing to avoid, and they are influenced, impacted, and controlled by these negative emotions” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). What God exposed was exactly my state. I saw that I had many illnesses, and the doctor also said that I had a life-threatening illness, and I found that the medication didn’t help. As a result, I lived in a constant state of worry and concern, and focused all my thoughts on nursing my body. I no longer felt a sense of burden toward my duties, and I was unwilling to put in effort or make sacrifices. I feared that the more effort I put in, the worse my conditions of insufficient blood supply to the brain and high blood pressure would become, and that if I had an ischemic stroke, I wouldn’t be able to do my duties. During that time, I felt numbness in my arms and hands every day, and I worried that if these symptoms worsened, I would become half paralyzed like my father and even eventually die. Even if I didn’t die and became a vegetable, how could I do my duties and prepare good deeds to be saved and enter the kingdom of heaven? I also remembered that when I was young, someone told me my fortune and said I would die from illness at the age of 60, and now that I was approaching 60, I was even more worried about whether I would really die. I lived in a state of worry and concern, and I wasn’t focused on my duties. When problems arose in my work, I felt no sense of urgency to resolve them, which caused the effectiveness of the gospel work to decline severely. I quickly came before God to seek the truth to resolve my worries and concerns.

I read God’s words: “When you get sick, it is to reveal all your unreasonable demands and your unrealistic imaginings and notions about God, and it is also to test your faith in God and submission to Him. If you pass the test with these things, then you have true testimony and real evidence of your faith in God, your loyalty to God, and your submission to Him. This is what God wants, and it is what a created being should possess and live out. Are these things not all positive? (They are.) These are all things which people should pursue. Moreover, if God allows you to get sick, can He not also take your sickness from you at any time and place? (He can.) God can take your sickness from you at any time and place, so can He not also cause your sickness to persist in you and never leave you? (He can.) And if God causes this same sickness to never leave you, can you still perform your duty? Can you keep your faith in God? Is this not a test? (It is.) If you get sick and then recover after several months, then your faith in God, and your loyalty and submission to Him are not tested, and you have no testimony. It’s easy to endure sickness for a few months, but if your sickness persists for two or three years, and your faith and your wish to be submissive and loyal to God do not change, but instead grow more real, does this not show that you have grown in life? Do you not reap this harvest? (Yes.) So, while someone who truly pursues the truth is sick, they undergo and personally experience the myriad benefits brought by their sickness. They do not anxiously try to escape their sickness or worry what the outcome will be if their sickness drags on, what problems it will cause, whether it will get worse, or whether they will die—they don’t worry about such things. As well as not worrying about such things, they are able to enter positively, and to have true faith in God, and be truly submissive and loyal to Him. By practicing in this way, they come to have testimony, and this also greatly benefits their life entry and dispositional change, and it builds a solid foundation for their attainment of salvation. How wonderful that is!” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). “God wishes to save you and cleanse you through sickness. What about you does He wish to cleanse? He wishes to cleanse all your extravagant desires and demands toward God, and even cleanse the various plans, judgments, and schemes you make at all costs to survive and live. God does not ask you to make plans, He does not ask you to judge, and He does not allow you to have any extravagant desires toward Him; He requires only that you submit to Him and, in your practice and experience of submitting, to know your own attitude toward sickness, and to know your attitude toward these bodily conditions He gives to you, as well as your own personal wishes. When you come to know these things, you can then appreciate how beneficial it is for you that God has arranged the circumstances of the illness for you or that He has given you these bodily conditions; and you can appreciate just how helpful they are to changing your disposition, to you attaining salvation, and to your life entry. That is why, when illness comes calling, you must not always be wondering how you can escape it or flee from it or reject it” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). From God’s words, I understood God’s intention. God making me go through illness, whether the condition took a long or short time to recover from, and regardless of whether God healed me or not, was God wanting to see whether I had true submission in my sickness. God wanted to examine whether I had loyalty in my duties, and more importantly, to purify and change my corrupt disposition. But when I heard the doctor say I had a life-threatening illness, I immediately fell into a state of worry and concern. I feared that my illness would worsen, or even lead to partial paralysis, and I was afraid that if my condition worsened and I died, I wouldn’t be saved and enter the kingdom of heaven. I not only lacked faith and submission to God, but I also used my leaving home to do my duties as a bargaining chip to try and reason with God. I complained about God not removing my illness, and I even thought about abandoning the church’s work at hand to go and do my duties at home. In what way did I have any submission or loyalty to God? When I had short-term, mild headaches before, I was still able to persist in my duties, and I felt that I was pretty loyal to God, but when I checked my condition this year and found that if left untreated, it may be fatal., I didn’t want to make sacrifices in my duties, and I became unhurried and perfunctory in my duties, which seriously delayed the gospel work of several churches. I saw how utterly selfish and despicable I’d been, and how I lacked true submission to God. This illness utterly revealed me, and if this hadn’t befallen me, I would have shamelessly placed a crown of loyalty and submission to God on my head. God was using my illness to purify and save me. This illness was a rich feast set forth for me by God! Understanding God’s intention, I felt much more at ease in my heart. So I prayed to God, “God, whether my illness improves or worsens, I’m willing to set aside my worries and concerns, submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements, and quickly put my heart into my duties. May You lead me to continue reflecting on myself and learning lessons.”

I reflected on myself again. I asked myself why after so many years of believing in God, when my illness didn’t improve, I found myself losing faith in God and with no motivation in my duties? In my reflection, I thought of God’s words: “Your loyalty is in word only, your knowledge is that of thinking and notions, your toils are for the sake of gaining the blessings of heaven, and so what must your faith be like? Even today, you still turn a deaf ear to each and every word of truth” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. By the Time You Behold the Spiritual Body of Jesus, God Will Have Made Heaven and Earth Anew). God’s words really hit the nail on the head when it came to my despicable intentions. It seemed like I had been doing my duties, making sacrifices, and expending myself for many years, but inside, I’d had the intention of gaining blessings. I thought that since I had persisted in my duties while sick all these years, then even if I had no merit, at least I’d worked hard, and I tried to use these things as capital to bargain with God for the blessings of the kingdom of heaven. When I saw that my condition might develop into paralysis or even death, and my hopes of entering the kingdom of heaven were about to shatter, my nature of betraying God was fully exposed. I began to lose my sense of burden for my duties, and my mind was focused on finding folk remedies for my illness. I didn’t want to bother resolving the declining effectiveness of the gospel work, and was just afraid that if I worked too hard and died, I wouldn’t receive blessings of the kingdom of heaven. I even considered my fallback plan and thought about giving up the tasks at hand and going home. I saw that I really had no loyalty, and that I was doing my duties just to gain blessings. If it weren’t for my being revealed through this illness, I wouldn’t have become aware of my despicable intentions of seeking blessings in my faith, or of the unreasonable demands I was making of God. For someone like me, filled with corrupt dispositions, to still want to enter the kingdom and enjoy God’s blessings was truly shameful! I felt indebted and guilty. I am a created being, and doing my duties is perfectly natural and justified. I’d enjoyed so much of the provision of the truth from God, so I should unconditionally fulfill my duties to repay God’s love.

Later, by reading God’s words, I came to understand death more clearly. Almighty God says: “The matter of death has the same nature as other matters. It is not up to people to choose for themselves, much less can it be changed by the will of man. Death is the same as any other important event in life: It is entirely under the predestination and sovereignty of the Creator. If someone were to beg for death, they may not necessarily die; if they were to beg to live, they may not necessarily live. All this is under the sovereignty and predestination of God, and it is changed and decided by the authority of God, by God’s righteous disposition, and by God’s sovereignty and arrangements. Therefore, say you contract a serious illness, a potentially fatal serious illness, you will not necessarily die—who decides whether you will die or not? (God.) God decides. And since God decides and people cannot decide such a thing, what are people feeling anxious and distressed about? It’s like who your parents are, and when and where you are born—these things cannot be chosen by you, either. The wisest choice in these matters is to let things take their natural course, to submit, and not to choose, not to expend any thought or energy on this matter, and not to feel distressed, anxious, or worried about it. Since people are not able to choose for themselves, expending so much energy and thought on this matter is foolish and unwise. What people ought to do when facing the tremendously important matter of death is not get distressed, or fret over it, or fear it, but what? People should wait, yes? (Yes.) Right? Does waiting mean waiting for death? Waiting to die when facing death? Is that right? (No, people should face it positively and submit.) That’s right, it doesn’t mean waiting for death. Do not be petrified of death, and do not use all your energy thinking about death. Do not think all day long, ‘Will I die? When will I die? What will I do after I die?’ Just don’t think about it. Some people say, ‘Why not think about it? Why not think about it when I’m about to die?’ Because it is not known whether you will die or not, and it is not known whether God will allow you to die—these things are unknown. Specifically, it is unknown when you will die, where you will die, what time you will die, or how your body will feel when you die. By racking your brains thinking about and pondering things you don’t know and feeling anxious and worried about them, doesn’t that make you foolish? Since it makes you foolish, you shouldn’t rack your brains over these things” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). “You follow God and say that you believe in Him, but at the same time, you are being controlled and disturbed by superstitions. You are even capable of following the thoughts instilled in people by superstitions, and even more seriously, some of you are afraid of these thoughts and facts that involve superstitions. This is the greatest blasphemy against God. Not only are you unable to bear witness for God, but you are also following Satan in resisting God’s sovereignty—this is a blasphemy against God” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (16)). The judgment of God’s words made me feel fearful. I thought about how my condition had worsened recently, with the doctor saying that I had a life-threatening illness, and I remembered what a palm reader once said—that I would die from illness at the age of 60, and I instantly found myself living in a state of worry and concern. I was afraid that I might really die, and so I tried all kinds of treatments, hoping to quickly rid myself of this sickness. Looking back now, I see that I was truly blind and ignorant! My life and death are in God’s hands, and when and how I die are all under God’s predestination and sovereignty. Whether I am ill or not, when my predestined time comes, I will die, even if I’m not sick. But if I haven’t reached the predestined time, even if I get a severe illness, I won’t die. But I didn’t understand God’s authority and sovereignty, and I was influenced and disturbed by what a palm reader said, afraid that what he said would really come true. Where was God’s place in my heart? Was I not denying God’s predestination and sovereignty in this? This was blasphemy against God! I was really muddled, and I even wanted to smack myself. I thought of my father, who’d spent a lot of money on treatments but failed to cure his illness. He passed away at the age of 40. That was his fate. When his predestined time came, no one could keep him alive. Conversely, I’ve also seen that the grandfather of one sister had cancer for over 10 years. The doctors said he wouldn’t live long, but he lived for many more years after his diagnosis without treatment. Even past 70, he still went to the market regularly. Although I have several illnesses, whether my conditions worsen, whether they evolve into a stroke or even paralysis and death, are things I can’t predict or control. But I found myself trapped in worry and concern, with no heart to do my duties. Was this not foolish of me? Whether I live or die, I should submit to God’s predestination and arrangements, and I shouldn’t worry or be troubled about things I can’t predict or control. Given that my mind still works normally, and I still have energy to do my duties, I had to quickly change my state, adjust my mindset, put my heart into my duties, do my best to resolve issues in the gospel work, resolve the negative states of the brothers and sisters, motivate them to preach the gospel and bear witness to God, and bring more people who thirst for God’s appearance to His house to receive His salvation. This way, even if I die, I will have no regrets.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “What is the value of a person’s life? Is it merely for the sake of indulging in fleshly pleasures such as eating, drinking, and being entertained? (No, it is not.) Then what is it? Please share your thoughts. (To fulfill the duty of a created being, this at least is what a person should achieve in their life.) That is correct. … In one respect, it is about fulfilling the duty of a created being. In another, it is about doing everything within your ability and capacity to the best that you can, at least reaching a point where your conscience does not accuse you, where you can be at peace with your own conscience and be proven acceptable in the eyes of others. Taking it a step further, throughout your life, regardless of the family you were born into, your educational background, or your caliber, you must have some understanding of the principles that people ought to comprehend in life. For example, what kind of path people should walk, how they should live, and how to live a meaningful life—you should at least explore a bit of the true value of life. This life cannot be lived in vain, and one cannot come to this earth in vain. In another respect, during your lifetime, you must fulfill your mission; this is the most important. We’re not talking about completing a great mission, duty, or responsibility; but at the very least, you should accomplish something. For instance, in the church, some people put all their efforts into the work of spreading the gospel, dedicating the energy of their entire lives, paying a great price, and gaining many people. Because of this, they feel that their lives have not been lived in vain, and that they hold value and comfort. When facing illness or death, when summing up their entire lives and thinking back on everything they ever did, on the path they walked, they find solace in their hearts. They experience no accusations or regrets. … The value of human life and the right path to follow involve accomplishing something valuable and completing one or multiple jobs of value. This is not called a career; it is called the right path, it is also called the proper task. Tell Me, is it worth it for a person to pay the price in order to complete some work of value, live a meaningful and valuable life, and pursue and attain the truth? If you truly desire to pursue and understand the truth, to embark on the right path in life, to fulfill your duty well, and to live a valuable and meaningful life, then you should not hesitate to give all of your energy, pay the price, and give all of your time and the extent of your days. If you experience a bit of illness during this period it will not matter, it will not crush you. Isn’t this far superior to a lifetime of ease and idleness, nurturing the physical body to the point that it is well-fed and healthy, and ultimately achieving longevity? (Yes.) Which one of these two options is more conducive to a valuable life? Which one can bring comfort and no regrets to people when they face death at the very end? (Living a meaningful life.) Living a meaningful life means to feel results and comfort in your heart” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (6)). Under the guidance of God’s words, I understood how a person could live a life of meaning and value, and my heart was greatly encouraged. I am a person corrupted by Satan, but today, I’ve been elevated by God, and I can do the duty of a created being, live to preach the gospel and bear witness to the Creator, and lead those living in suffering and darkness to God to receive His salvation. This is such a valuable and meaningful thing! We are less than dust, yet God treats us with grace. We enjoy the provision of so many of God’s words, understand so many truths and mysteries, do the duty of a created being, and can be saved by God and survive the great catastrophes. What a great blessing this is! If we missed this opportunity of unimaginable rarity, it would be a tremendous regret. If I only take care of my body, and don’t want to put any effort into or make sacrifices in my duty, then even if I nurse my body to health, if I haven’t done my duty well and have lost the function of a created being, then wouldn’t I be living like a walking corpse? The pain of the soul is something that can’t be made up for. After that, I quickly fellowshipped God’s intentions to the gospel workers, and when I discovered problems and deviations in their gospel work, I fellowshipped solutions promptly, and the gospel work gradually began to improve. Two months later, the results of the gospel work in these churches doubled. After that, I stopped taking medication, my blood pressure returned to normal, and my head no longer felt swollen or painful. When work wasn’t busy, I’d rest a little more, and occasionally, when work was busy and I needed to stay up late, the next morning when I’d wake up, my head wouldn’t feel so swollen and painful as it had before. My arms and hands also stopped feeling numb at night, and I was truly grateful to God.

Later, I received a letter from the upper leaders, asking me to be responsible for following up on the gospel work of more than a dozen churches. When I read the letter, I thought, “To follow up on the gospel work of so many churches will require a greater price to be paid, more effort, and more mental energy. If I overuse my brain, will my illness relapse?” Thinking about this, I realized that something was wrong with my state. Hadn’t I just come out of the worries and concerns about my illness? Why was I worrying again? So I prayed to God, willing to submit. Afterward, I read God’s words: “Whether you are sick or in pain, as long as you have a single breath left, as long as you are still living, as long as you can still speak and walk, then you have the energy to perform your duty, and you should be well-behaved in the performance of your duty with your feet planted firmly on the ground. You must not abandon the duty of a created being or the responsibility given to you by the Creator. As long as you are not yet dead, you should complete your duty and fulfill it well” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God’s words gave me faith and strength, and as long as I’m alive, able to speak and walk, I must be obedient and grounded, and fulfill the duty of a created being. Thinking about it, my illnesses had basically healed by this point, and although the workload was a bit heavier, I could reasonably arrange my schedule, and regardless of whether my illness will relapse in the future, I would let God orchestrate and arrange me as He wished. So I sent a reply to the leaders, saying that I was willing to obey the church’s arrangements, and cooperate harmoniously with everyone to do the duty well.