By Zhihui, China

After I got married, my duties were pretty busy, so I thought that if I were pregnant and had a child, I’d have to center my days around them and I wouldn’t have any time or energy to do my duties and expend for God, so I decided to hold off on having children for the time being and prioritize my duties. A few years later, my parents fell ill, and I was busy taking care of them until they both passed away. After their passing, I suddenly had a worry I’d never had before. I thought about how my parents had me around to take care of them when they were ill, but I wondered who would be willing to take care of me in my old age or when I fell ill if I had no children. But this thought only came up occasionally and didn’t really affect my duty, so I didn’t pay much attention to it.

After a while, I suddenly had a severe menstrual cramp. It was so bad that it made me vomit. I’d had menstrual cramps for years, but it had never hurt this badly. I went to the hospital for an examination, and I was diagnosed with adenomyosis and uterine fibroids, and the fibroids had already grown to five centimeters. The doctor said that this condition was difficult to treat, that the cramps would keep getting worse over time, that it could become so painful that I might even contemplate suicide, and that eventually, I would have to have my uterus removed. When the doctor learned that I didn’t have children yet, she urged me to have a child quickly, and she said that if I didn’t want to have children after that, I could have my uterus removed. At the time, I didn’t give it too much thought, and I thought the doctor was just being too serious. After I got home, I looked up a lot of information about this illness online, and spent some money consulting a specialist in Beijing. I didn’t expect it to be a complex condition, and I found out that it was indeed difficult to treat. Either I would have to take a hormone regularly to manage it and prevent it from worsening so quickly, or I would have to have my uterus removed. Over the next few days, my condition got worse and worse. I felt an inexplicable fear and sadness, thinking to myself, “This illness will surely keep getting worse and more painful over time. If I have my uterus removed, I’ll never be able to have children even though I’m just in my early thirties. But right now, I still have my duties, and I’m so busy every day. How am I supposed to find the time or energy to have and raise a child? Besides, the Lord Jesus said: ‘And woe to them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!’ (Matthew 24:19). God’s work of saving humanity is about to finish, and the great catastrophes have also arrived. What would happen if I ruined my chance of pursuing the truth and being saved because I had a child? But if I don’t have a child now, once my uterus is removed, I’ll no longer be able to have children. Then who will take care of me when I grow old?” I was living in distress and anxiety, worried about my condition getting worse and worse and about having my uterus removed. I was depressed all the time, and I had no motivation to do my duties. My heart was in a terrible state of torment. I prayed to and sought from God about my difficulties. How could I practice in a way that aligned with God’s intention?

Later, I read God’s words: “Tell Me, is it not already fated when someone will get sick with some illness, what their health will be like at a certain age, and whether they will contract some major or serious illness? It is, and that’s for certain, let Me tell you. We won’t discuss now how God predestines things for you; people’s appearance, facial features, body shape and their date of birth are clearly known to all. Those nonbelieving diviners, astrologers, and those who can read the stars and people’s palms, can tell from people’s palms, faces, and birth dates when they will have a disaster, and when they will encounter some misfortune—these things have already been determined. … what someone’s health will be like at a certain age and whether they will contract a major illness is all arranged by God. Nonbelievers don’t believe in God and they go looking for someone to see these things in palms, in birth dates, and in faces, and they believe these things. You believe in God and often listen to sermons and fellowships on the truth, so if you don’t believe this, then you are nothing but a disbeliever. If you truly believe that everything is in God’s hands, then you should believe that these things—serious illnesses, major illnesses, minor illnesses, and health—all fall under the sovereignty and arrangements of God. The emergence of a serious illness and what someone’s health will be like at a certain age are not things that happen by accident, and to understand this is to have a positive and accurate understanding” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). Through reading God’s words, I understood that the birth, aging, illness, and death of a person are all predestined by God. How much suffering a person experiences in their lifetime, what illness and hardship they undergo, and how many blessings they enjoy, are all predestined by God, and no one can escape this. I always worried if my illness would worsen, whether the pain would become so unbearable that I’d have to have a hysterectomy, and about what kind of suffering I would face if I had no children in the future. Actually, all these worries were unnecessary. If I really had to have my uterus removed and had no children, then this would be my fate. This wasn’t something that could be solved through my worry and distress. How my condition was and how my future would be—all of this is in God’s hands. I should face it calmly and submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. Furthermore, my illness wasn’t threatening my life, so I shouldn’t spend my days being distressed and anxious about it. The most important thing was to pursue the truth, to seek God’s intention in this situation and learn to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. Thinking about this made me feel less distressed. But sometimes I still wondered, “What if I lose my ability to have children and don’t have any? Then what will I do when I grow old or become ill? Should I have a child now? But will having a child affect my pursuit of the truth and my salvation?”

One day, I read God’s words: “In regard to marriage, you should let go of the burdens you ought to let go of. Choosing to be single is your freedom, choosing to enter into marriage is also your freedom, and choosing to have many children is your freedom as well. Whatever your choice may be, it is your freedom. On one hand, choosing to enter into marriage does not mean you have thus repaid your parents’ kindness or fulfilled your filial duty; of course, choosing to be single does not mean you are defying your parents either. On the other hand, choosing to enter into marriage or have many children is not rebelling against God, nor is it defying Him. You will not be condemned for it. Choosing to be single will also not be the reason God ultimately grants you salvation. In short, whether you are single, married, or have many children, God will not determine whether you can ultimately be saved based on these factors. God does not look at your marital background or marital status; He looks only at whether you are pursuing the truth, your attitude toward performing your duties, how much of the truth you have accepted and submitted to, and whether you act according to the truth principles. Ultimately, God will also set aside your marital status to examine the path in life, the principles by which you live, and the rules by which you survive that you have chosen to determine whether you will be saved. … As for how many children you have after entering into marriage, this has been preordained by God, but you can also choose for yourself based on your actual circumstances and pursuits. God will not impose rules on you. Suppose that you are a millionaire, multimillionaire, or billionaire, and you say, ‘Having eight or ten children is not a problem for me. Raising a whole bunch of kids won’t compromise my energy for performing my duties.’ If you’re not afraid of the hassle, then go ahead and have them; God will not condemn you. God will not change His attitude toward your salvation because of your attitudes on marriage. That’s how it is. Is this clear? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (16)). It was through reading God’s words that I suddenly understood that marriage and having children is a freedom given to people by God. God doesn’t condemn people just because they marry or have children. God judges whether a person can be saved mainly based on their attitude toward their duty, and whether they pursue the truth and submit to the truth. Even if a person doesn’t marry or have children, if they don’t pursue the truth and haven’t resolved their corrupt disposition, in the end, they still won’t be saved. In reality, God doesn’t look at a person’s visible sacrifices or actions. People can choose to have children or to remain single, and no matter what choice they make in this matter, God doesn’t condemn them. This is their freedom and right. However, such matters must be based on one’s actual situation. If marrying and having children will affect one’s pursuit of the truth and duty, then they should set aside these things and prioritize their duty. Now is a critical moment in God’s work of saving humanity, and only by doing my duty well and pursuing the truth do I have the chance to be saved. If I were to have a child just to be cared for in the future, and I spent all my energy raising my child, then this would affect both my pursuit of the truth and my duty. Having children is a freedom and right given by God, but I had to distinguish between what is more important, and right now, pursuing and gaining the truth is most important. When I thought of this, a feeling of liberation swept through my heart, and I knew how to treat this matter of marriage and having children.

When I became willing to submit, a relative suddenly contacted me one day, saying there was a place offering free body conditioning, and she asked if I wanted to go. I just so happened to not be too busy with my duty at this point in time, so I decided to go and have a look. A few months later, my condition unexpectedly improved. I went to the hospital for a check-up, and the report showed that the fibroids had shrunk to three centimeters. I never expected that my condition would improve without me spending a single penny. I thanked God from the bottom of my heart. While I was going for body conditioning, I saw that most of the people there were elderly men and women, and I asked them if they had children to take care of them. Some said that not only did their children not take care of them, but they also had to use their pension to help support their children. Some, who were nearly seventy years old, still had to take care of their grandchildren, picking them up and dropping them off at school. They were scared of getting sick because they were afraid of their children begrudging them, so they frequently came for conditioning. I suddenly realized that having children doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be taken care of, and in fact, when a person grows old, they might end up having to take care of their children and grandchildren instead. My heart was deeply touched.

One day, I read more of God’s words: “What is the point of raising children? It is not for your own purposes, but a responsibility and obligation that God has given you. One aspect is that raising children belongs to human instinct, while another is that it is a part of human responsibility. You choose to give birth to children due to instinct and responsibility, not for the sake of preparing for old age and being taken care of when you’re old. Isn’t this viewpoint correct? (Yes.) Can people without children avoid getting old? Does getting old necessarily mean that one will be miserable? Not necessarily, right? People without children can still live to old age, and some are even healthy, enjoy their later years, and go to the grave in peace. Can people with children definitely enjoy their later years in happiness and health? (Not necessarily.) Therefore, the health, happiness, and living situation of parents who reach old age, as well as the quality of their material life, actually have little to do with their children being filial to them, and there is no direct relationship between the two. Your living situation, quality of life, and physical condition in old age are related to what God has ordained for you and the living environment He arranges for you, and they have no direct relationship to whether your children are filial or not. Your children are not obligated to bear the responsibility for your living situation in later years. Isn’t that right? (Yes.) … You should take responsibility and bear the burden for your own life and survival so far as you are able, and you should not put it off on others, especially your children. You should proactively and correctly face a life without the company or help of your children, and even if you are distant from your children, you can still face whatever life brings you on your own” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). “How much parents and their children are fated to be together, and how much they can gain from their children—nonbelievers call this ‘receiving assistance’ or ‘not receiving assistance.’ We don’t know what it means. Ultimately, whether one can rely on their children is, in plain terms, predestined and ordained by God. It’s not like everything plays out exactly how you wish. Of course, everyone wants things to go well and to reap benefits from their children. But why have you never considered whether you are fated for that, whether it is written in your destiny? How long the bond between you and your children will last, whether any job you do in life will have a connection with your children, whether God has arranged for your children to participate in the significant events of your life, and whether your children will be among those involved when you experience a major life event—all of these depend on God’s ordination. If God has not ordained it, then after raising your children into adulthood, even if you don’t drive them out of the house, when the time comes they will leave on their own. This is something that people need to comprehend. If you can’t comprehend this matter, you will always hold on to personal desires and demands, and establish various rules and accept various ideologies for the sake of your own physical enjoyment. What will happen in the end? You’ll find out when you die. You have done a lot of foolish things in your lifetime, and you have thought of many unrealistic things that do not conform to facts or to God’s ordination” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). God’s words made me understand that having children is a human instinct and also a responsibility, and that a person shouldn’t rely on their children to care for them in their old age. How one’s latter years will be, whether this involves more suffering or more health and happiness, isn’t decided by whether one has children, but by God’s preordination. People need to take responsibility for their old age within their own capabilities, face life’s challenges independently, and not rely on their children for these things. Reflecting on myself, I realized that I worried about how I wouldn’t be able to have children if my condition got serious and my uterus were removed. I also worried who’d then take care of me when I got old or fell ill. So I lived in a state of anxiety and distress. What I held onto was the traditional idea of “Raise children to care for you in old age,” in which the purpose of me having children would be to ensure stability in my old age, and so that someone could take care of me when I grew old. My focus was all on my own benefit, aiming to make demands of them. This was a completely selfish viewpoint. Additionally, how everyone’s old age is spent has already been preordained by God, and it has nothing to do with whether one has children. Some elderly people are healthy and have a pension, but their children are burdened with debt, so they not only don’t need their children’s care, but instead, they actually help support their children. For some people, after they grow old and fall ill, their children lack humanity and are unwilling to care for them, and when they fall ill, it’s other relatives who help take care of them. I saw that having children doesn’t guarantee security. How one’s old age is lived, and whether one is accompanied or cared for by one’s children all depends on God’s preordination. Thinking about how my husband worked elsewhere, and I was doing my duty, although no one was with me to take care of me, I learned to rely on God when sick and troubled. It was God’s words that guided me through my difficulties. My health improved a lot. All of this was God’s grace and mercy. Even if I don’t have children in the future, I can still live well by relying on God. But I used to always worry about what I’d do if I had no children to take care of me in the future, causing me to live in distress and worry, and I couldn’t even motivate myself to do my duty. Was I not just inflicting this pain upon myself and not trusting in God’s sovereignty? I believed in God but didn’t rely on Him or understand His sovereignty. I was living by Satan’s traditional culture. Weren’t my views just like those of disbelievers? After understanding these things, I felt relieved. I shouldn’t worry about the future, and I should entrust myself into God’s hands. No matter what my twilight years will be like, I will submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. The performance of my duty to satisfy God and pursuing salvation is the most important thing, and also the most realistic.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “If you spend your best years thinking about finding a good job or looking for a partner, hoping to enjoy a life of the flesh while believing in God, to do both at the same time, then after a few years, you may find a partner, get married, have children, and build a home and a career, but you will have gained nothing from believing in God for all those years, you will not have gained any of the truth, your heart will feel empty, and your best years will have slipped by. When you look back at the age of forty, you will have a family, you will have children, and you will not be alone, but you will have to support your family. That is a chain that you cannot break free from. If you want to perform your duty, you will have to do so while shackled to the chains of your family. No matter how big your heart is, you cannot attend to both—you will not be able to wholeheartedly follow God and do your duty well. There are many people who abandon family and worldly things, but after believing in God for a few years they still only pursue fame, gain, and status. They have not gained the truth, and they do not even have any real experiential testimony. This is the same as them wasting their time. When they perform their duties now, they do not understand even a small part of the truth, and when something happens to them, they do not know how to experience it—so they start to snivel, and they are filled with great remorse. When they think back to the beginning, to all the young people living church lives together, doing their duties, singing hymns and praising God together, they think about how good those days were, and how much they would like to return to that time! Unfortunately, in this world there is no cure for regret. No one can turn back time, even if they would like to. There is no way to go back to the beginning and live life over again. That is why, once an opportunity has passed, it will not come again. A person’s life is only a few decades long, if you miss out on this optimum time to pursue the truth, your regrets will be useless. … Right now, you are just in time for this great moment—God is doing the work of judgment in the last days. This is the one and only opportunity for people to be saved and perfected by God. You are all performing your duties in this key moment of God’s expansion of the kingdom gospel. This is truly God’s exceptional exaltation of you. No matter what field you studied, or what area of knowledge you possess, or what gifts or expertise you have, in any case, God is showing you grace by allowing you to use this expertise to do a duty in His house. That is an opportunity that is hard to come by” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Paying the Price to Gain the Truth Is of Great Significance). God’s salvation of humanity in the last days is the final opportunity. There will be no second or third chance. Now in particular is a critical time for God to express the truth to save and perfect people. The fact that I was able to accept God’s work of the last days at such a good age in my life, that I’ve been able to devote myself fully to my duties, without any kind of burden or entanglement, and that I’ve also been able to pursue the truth and dispositional change in my duties is truly God’s grace. I should devote the best of my time and energy to preaching the gospel and pursuing the truth and salvation. If I were to have a child, given that my parents had already passed away, and my in-laws and husband didn’t believe in God, no one could help me take care of the child, and I’d have to take care of them myself. My thoughts would be dominated by my child, and this would place more burdens and entanglements upon me. I’d have very little time or energy to pursue the truth or do my duties. If I spent all the best of my time and energy on having children, I would miss out on this optimal opportunity for God to perfect me. In the end, I wouldn’t obtain the truth or fulfill my duties, I would ruin my chance at salvation, and by then, it would be too late for regrets.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words, and my heart was deeply touched. Almighty God says: “Nonbelievers don’t understand what the most meaningful thing a person can do in their life is, but you do understand something about this, don’t you? (Yes.) Accepting what God has entrusted you with and fulfilling your own mission—these are the most important things. The duties you’re performing now are valuable! You may not see the results right now, and you may not be receiving great effects from them right now, but it will not be long until they bear fruit. In the long run, if this work is done well, the contribution it makes to mankind will be impossible to measure with money. Such true testimonies are more precious and valuable than anything else, and they will last for all eternity. These are the good deeds of every person who follows God, and they are something worth remembering. Everything in man’s life is empty and unworthy of remembering, apart from believing in God, pursuing the truth, and fulfilling their duty as a created being. Even if you have accomplished the most earth-shaking of feats; even if you have been to the Moon and back; even if you have made scientific advances that have been of some benefit or help to mankind, it is futile and all of it will pass away. What is the only thing that will not pass away? (The word of God.) Only the word of God, testimonies to God, all of the testimonies and works that bear witness for the Creator, and people’s good deeds will not pass away. These things will last forever, and they are so valuable. So, cast off all your restrictions, carry out this great endeavor, and don’t let yourselves be constrained by any people, events, and things; sincerely expend yourselves for God, and pour all your energy and effort into performing your duties. This is the thing that God blesses most of all, and it is worth any amount of suffering!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only in Performing the Duty of a Created Being Well Is There Value in Living). From God’s words, I understood that doing the duty of a created being, offering one’s strength for the expansion of the kingdom gospel, and bringing more people before God, are the most honorable things and the things that most meet with God’s approval. Being able to do text-based duties, and select more good experiential testimony articles to bear witness to the results of God’s work on people, allowing more people to know God and return to His presence, is testimony to God, something God approves of, and whatever suffering I endure in this is worth it. God’s work of saving humanity is about to be finished, and the great catastrophes have already begun. I didn’t even know what would happen tomorrow or when disaster would strike, yet I was still planning for the future and thinking about having children to take care of me in old age. All my distress and concerns about the future are unnecessary. Now I can devote myself fully to my duties, without any burdens or entanglements. I can also pursue the truth and dispositional change while doing my duties. This is all God’s grace. I should cherish this current opportunity to pursue the truth and salvation, and devote all my energy and time to my duties and to bearing witness to God. If I can understand some truth and be saved by God, then my life won’t have been lived in vain. Having understood these things, I let go of the distress and worries in my heart, and I gained greater faith to live for the sake of doing my duties well. Thank God!