By Chen Liang, China

In 2003, I accepted God’s work of the last days, and not long after, I took on the duty of a leader. At that time, I was just over fifty and had no health issues. During the day, I attended gatherings and preached the gospel, and no matter how late I came back at night, I would equip myself with God’s words according to the states of the brothers and sisters. Although it was a bit busy and tiring, just thinking that I could do my duty and be saved by God in the future gave me endless strength. A little over ten years later, my health started to deteriorate. First, my gallbladder had problems and had to be surgically removed, then my lumbar spine slipped and required surgery to be fixed, and after two surgeries, it was clear to me that my body was in a much worse condition now. I was also struck with chronic diseases like uterine fibroids and atrophic erosive gastritis, and I became weak and dispirited. I was no longer so quick on my feet, and I’d have to rest several times while climbing the stairs. My memory also worsened, and sometimes when I wanted to read about a particular aspect of God’s words, as soon as I tried to search for it, I couldn’t remember what I’d been wanting to read. The church arranged for me to lead a group gathering by myself according to my physical condition, and when the brothers and sisters had any states, I would help resolve them, and sometimes when the church lacked host homes, I was responsible for doing hosting. Though my health wasn’t as good as before, I could still do some duties and felt energized.

Once, after a gathering, on my way home, my old gastrointestinal issues flared up, and a wave of pain rushed through my stomach. I struggled to stay upright and get myself home, and only after lying down for a while, I began to feel a little better. Seeing that I was in poor health, the leader asked me to occasionally host brothers and sisters for gatherings at home. When I heard this arrangement, I thought, “This is it. Now I can only do hosting at home. As I get older, my health will keep worsening. If one day I can’t even do hosting duty, I won’t be able to do any duties at all, then what hope will I have of being saved?” With these thoughts in mind, I lost all energy and felt really despondent, and I thought, “I’m getting older, my memory is deteriorating, I can’t even remember God’s words, and I forget what I’ve just read. How can I understand the truth? No matter how hard people of my age pursue, they can’t make progress. Suppose I’ll just try and get by one day at a time.” Sometimes, when I’d cook a meal, my back would hurt so much that I couldn’t stand up, and I’d have to sit on a stool nearby to rest. Especially when my stomach cramps flared up, the pain was so intense that I wasn’t certain if I’d live or die. I was worried that one day I might collapse and not even be able to attend gatherings. When I saw young people, with their good health, able to run and jump, I felt envious, and I’d think, “How wonderful to be young! They can go anywhere and do any duty, and their chances of being saved are greater. Meanwhile, my health is worsening by the day, and if I can’t do any duties in the future, I’ll end up useless, and God will surely abandon me!” I thought back to a few years before when I had no health issues while doing my duties, but by this point, I was 72 years old, and my body was completely different from what it had been. Oh, how I wished to turn back the clock by 20 years! Because of this, I often felt distressed and lived in a negative state, and I didn’t want to strive for the truth. Sometimes I’d watch TV shows to while away the time, and when things befell me and I revealed corruption, I didn’t seek the truth to resolve them, and I’d just think about things briefly and then let them slide. Even my prayers were just a few dry words, and I felt my heart drifting further and further from God. I knew deep down that continuing like this was dangerous, and I wanted to resolve this state of despondency. However, I had no specific path forward.

One day, I came across God’s words of exposure regarding the states of elderly people, and I immediately saw myself reflected in those words. Almighty God says: “There are also elderly people among brothers and sisters, who are aged from 60 up to around 80 or 90 and who, because of their advanced age, also experience some difficulties. Despite their age, their thinking is not necessarily so correct or rational, and their ideas and views do not necessarily accord with the truth. These elderly people have problems just the same, and they’re always worrying, ‘My health isn’t so good anymore and I’m limited as to what duty I can perform. If I just perform this little duty, will God remember me? Sometimes I get sick, and I need someone to look after me. When there’s no one to look after me, I’m not able to perform my duty, so what can I do? I’m old and I don’t remember God’s words when I read them and it’s hard for me to understand the truth. When fellowshipping on the truth, I speak in a muddled and illogical way, and I haven’t any experiences worth sharing. I’m old and I don’t have enough energy, my eyesight isn’t very good and I’m not strong anymore. Everything is difficult for me. Not only can I not perform my duty, but I easily forget things and get things wrong. Sometimes I get confused and I cause problems for the church and for my brothers and sisters. I want to attain salvation and pursue the truth but it’s very hard. What can I do?’ When they think of these things, they begin to fret, thinking, ‘How come I only started believing in God at this age? How come I’m not like those who are in their 20s and 30s, or even those in their 40s and 50s? How come I only came across God’s work now when I’m so old? It’s not that my fate is bad; at least now I’ve encountered God’s work. My fate is good, and God has been kind to me! There’s just one thing that I’m not happy about, and that is that I’m too old. My memory isn’t very good, and my health isn’t that great, but I have a strong heart. It’s just that my body doesn’t obey me, and I get sleepy after listening for a while at gatherings. Sometimes I close my eyes to pray and fall asleep, and my mind wanders when I read God’s words. After reading for a bit, I get sleepy and doze off, and the words don’t sink in. What can I do? With such practical difficulties, am I still able to pursue and understand the truth? If not, and if I’m not able to practice in line with the truth principles, then won’t all my faith be in vain? Won’t I fail to attain salvation? What can I do? I’m so worried! At this age, nothing is important anymore. Now that I believe in God, I have no more worries or anything to feel anxious about, and my children are grown and they don’t need me to look after or raise them anymore, my greatest wish in life is to pursue the truth, perform the duty of a created being, and ultimately attain salvation in the years I have left. However, looking now at my actual situation, dim-sighted from age and confused in mind, in poor health, not able to perform my duty well, and sometimes creating problems when I try to do as much as I can do, it seems as though attaining salvation isn’t going to be easy for me.’ They think these things over and over and grow anxious, and then think, ‘It seems as though good things only ever happen to young people and not to old people. It looks as though no matter how good things are, I won’t be able to enjoy them anymore.’ The more they think about these things, the more they fret and the more anxious they get. They not only worry about themselves, but they also feel hurt. … Can elderly people not pursue the truth anymore because of their age? Are they not capable of understanding the truth? (Yes, they are.) Can elderly people understand the truth? They can understand some, and not even young people can understand it all, either. Elderly people always have a misconception, believing that they’re confused, that their memory is bad, and so they can’t understand the truth. Are they right? (No.) Although young people have much more energy than elderly people, and are physically stronger, actually their capacity to understand, comprehend, and know is just the same as that of elderly people. Weren’t elderly people once young as well? They weren’t born old, and young people will all grow old one day, too. Elderly people mustn’t always be thinking that because they’re old, physically weak, unwell, and with bad memories, they’re different from young people. In fact, there is no difference. What do I mean when I say there is no difference? Whether someone is old or young, their corrupt dispositions are the same, their attitudes and views on all manner of things are the same, and their perspectives and standpoints on all manner of things are the same. So, elderly people mustn’t think that because they’re old, with fewer extravagant desires than young people, and able to be stable, they have no wild ambitions or desires, and that they have fewer corrupt dispositions—this is a misconception. Young people can jockey for position, so can’t elderly people jockey for position? Young people can do things against the principles and act arbitrarily, so can’t elderly people do the same? (Yes, they can.) Young people can be arrogant, so can’t elderly people also be arrogant? However, when elderly people are arrogant, due to their advanced age they aren’t so aggressive, and it’s not such a high-minded arrogance. Young people show more obvious manifestations of arrogance due to their flexible limbs and minds, while older people show less obvious manifestations of arrogance due to their rigid limbs and inflexible minds. However, their essence of arrogance and their corrupt dispositions are the same. … So, it is not that elderly people have nothing to do, nor are they unable to perform their duties, much less are they unable to pursue the truth—there are many things for them to do. The various heresies and fallacies that you have accumulated during your lifetime, as well as the various traditional ideas and notions, ignorant and stubborn things, conservative things, irrational things, and distorted things that you have accumulated have all piled up in your heart, and you should spend even more time than young people to dig out, dissect, and recognize these things. It’s not the case that you have nothing to do, or that you should feel distressed, anxious, and worried when you are at a loose end—this is neither your task nor your responsibility” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God exposed my exact state. Lately, I’d been living in distress and anxiety, always feeling that I was getting old, that my health was poor, and that I kept forgetting things, so I could therefore only occasionally handle hosting duty. I worried that as I grew older and my health deteriorated, I wouldn’t be able to do my duties and thus wouldn’t be saved. No matter how much I pursued, it all seemed useless. Wallowing in this state of despondency, I had no motivation to read God’s words or seek the truth, and I just followed along in a lukewarm manner. Now I realized that these were fallacious views of mine. In reality, though the elderly may be physically weaker, and have less energy and slower reaction time than the young, their ability to comprehend the truth and their corrupt dispositions are the same as young people’s. So long as they pursue the truth and resolve their corrupt dispositions, they too can be saved. Due to old age, the influence of society is more severe, the satanic poisons inside are heavier and more stubborn than in young people, and various traditional notions and corrupt dispositions require more time to understand and dissect. For example, when I saw some brothers and sisters revealing corruption, I looked down on them, and in my heart, I judged and belittled them. This was an arrogant disposition. Was this not something I should reflect on and understand? But I didn’t understand God’s intentions. I was wallowing in a state of distress and anxiety, and I was lukewarm in my pursuit of the truth. Was I not misunderstanding God in this? Now I realized that no matter if a person is young or old, as long as they thirst for and pursue the truth, God will enlighten and guide them. God waters and provides us with the truth, regardless of age, and what matters is whether we seek and are willing to put effort into practicing God’s words. God specifically addressed the states of the elderly in these words, hoping that the elderly can let go of their distress and anxiety, focus on seeking the truth, and not live in their notions and imaginings and give up on themselves. But I always used my old age and poor memory as excuses for not pursuing the truth and for indulging myself, and if I carried on like this, I would be the one to lose out. Only after understanding God’s intentions did I awaken, and realize that if I continued in this muddled state, bound by my fallacious and extreme notions, I would ultimately fail to attain the truth and be left with nothing but destruction before me. I thanked God for His comforting words and encouragement for us elderly, and for pointing out the path of pursuing the truth for us. This is God’s love for us. I couldn’t lose my resolve to pursue the truth, I had to treat myself correctly, learn lessons in the situations God arranged for me, focus on seeking the truth and knowing myself, and achieve dispositional change. These are the things I had to do.

Realizing this, I started to ponder, “Why was it that in the past, when I did my duties, I had endless energy every day, but now that I’m older and my body is getting weaker by the day, my heart is filled with negativity and distress, and I don’t want to strive upward anymore? What is controlling me?” In my seeking, I read God’s words: “People believe in God in order to be blessed, to be rewarded, to be crowned. Doesn’t this exist in everyone’s heart? It is a fact that it does. Although people don’t often talk about it, and even cover up their motive and desire to obtain blessings, this desire and motive deep in people’s hearts has always been unshakable. No matter how much spiritual theory people understand, what experience or knowledge they have, what duty they can perform, how much suffering they endure, or how much of a price they pay, they never let go of the motivation for blessings hidden deep in their hearts, and always silently toil in its service. Isn’t this the thing buried deepest inside people’s hearts? Without this motivation to receive blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you perform your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this motivation to receive blessings that is hidden in their hearts was gotten rid of? It is possible that many people would become negative, while some would become demotivated in their duties. They would lose interest in their belief in God, as if their soul had vanished. They would appear as if their heart had been snatched away. This is why I say the motivation for blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts. Perhaps, as they perform their duty or live the life of the church, they feel that they are able to forsake their families and gladly expend themselves for God, and that they now have knowledge of their motivation to receive blessings, and have put this motivation aside, and are no longer governed or constrained by it. Then, they think that they no longer have the motivation to be blessed, but God believes otherwise. People only view matters superficially. Without trials, they feel good about themselves. As long as they don’t leave the church or deny God’s name, and they persist in expending for God, they believe they have changed. They feel they are no longer driven by personal enthusiasm or momentary impulses in the performance of their duty. Instead, they believe they can pursue the truth, and that they can continuously seek and practice the truth while performing their duty, so that their corrupt dispositions are purified and they achieve some genuine change. However, when things happen that are directly related to people’s destination and outcome, how do they behave? The truth is revealed in its entirety” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). As I pondered God’s words, I finally realized that the reason I had become stuck in distress and anxiety and given up on myself was because I felt I was getting old and wouldn’t be able to do any duties in the future, and I would have no hope of salvation or receiving blessings. Thus, I lived in negativity and resisted God. In the past, I could make sacrifices, expend myself, and busy myself in my duties, and even when I was sick, I did my duties gladly. I thought that so long as I could do my duties, I had hope of being saved by God. But later, my illnesses worsened, and my health deteriorated by the day, and it became possible that I might not even be able to do hosting duty. I felt that I had no hope for blessings, that believing in God seemed meaningless, and that it would be better for me to enjoy life. So I whiled away my days watching TV, I stopped striving for the truth, and my attitude toward my faith became lukewarm. In what way did I sincerely believe in God? I wasn’t doing my duties to pursue the truth and satisfy God. Instead, I used my performance of my duties to try and bargain with God to secure a good outcome and destination, and once I believed I wouldn’t receive blessings, I gave up on myself. This was caused by my wrong intentions and views in my faith. I thought about those who sincerely expend themselves for God and pursue the truth. When they face painful trials, they may also worry about their outcome and destination, but they are able to pray to God and seek the truth to solve their problems, and they gladly expend themselves for God without asking for any reward. They just fulfill their duties to testify to and satisfy God. But as for me? Though I’d believed in God for many years, I hadn’t sought dispositional change or reflected on how much truth I’d practiced, I hadn’t considered whether I’d fulfilled my duties and responsibilities, and I was only focused on seeking blessings. When my pain worsened and I thought I couldn’t get blessings, I gave in to despair. In what way did I have any real sincerity toward God? My past sacrifices and expenditures were all to gain blessings and benefits, just attempts to bargain with and cheat God. I was truly despicable! I thought of Paul, who traveled across seas and lands to preach the gospel, and who performed great work. However, his intentions in his duties were to receive blessings and a crown, and in the end, his disposition didn’t change. He even openly clamored against God, demanding a crown of righteousness. He offended God’s disposition and was eliminated and punished by God. Looking back upon myself in light of this, I saw that my aim in my duties was to have a good outcome and destination, and that my intentions in my duties were wrong. No matter how many duties I did, the fact that my corrupt disposition remained unchanged would still make God detest me. I thought of how God has said so much to save us from Satan’s harm, speaking with such persistence and earnestness, all in the hope that we would walk the path of pursuing the truth. But I had no sincerity toward God at all. I was utterly devoid of conscience and reason! Realizing these things, I prayed to God, “God, I’ve believed in You for over 20 years, but I haven’t sincerely expended myself for You. I am selfish, despicable, and lacking in humanity. I am so corrupted, but You haven’t disdained me, and You are still saving me. I am willing to give up my wrong intentions and fulfill my duties!”

After this, I read God’s words: “God’s wish is for every person to be made perfect, to be ultimately gained by Him, to be completely cleansed by Him, and to become people He loves. No matter whether I say you are backward or of poor caliber, this is all fact. My saying this does not prove that I intend to forsake you, that I have lost hope in you, much less that I am unwilling to save you. Today I have come to do the work of your salvation, which is to say that the work I do is a continuation of the work of salvation. Every person has the chance to be made perfect: Provided that you are willing, provided that you pursue, in the end you will be able to achieve this result, and not one of you will be forsaken. If you are of poor caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your poor caliber; if you are of high caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your high caliber; if you are ignorant and illiterate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your illiteracy; if you are literate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with the fact that you are literate; if you are elderly, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your age; if you are capable of providing hospitality, My requirements of you will be in accordance with this capability; if you say you cannot offer hospitality, and can only perform a certain function, whether it be spreading the gospel, or taking care of the church, or attending to other general affairs, My perfection of you will be in accordance with the function that you perform” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). “I decide the destination of each person not on the basis of age, seniority, amount of suffering, and least of all, the degree to which they invite pity, but according to whether they possess the truth. There is no other choice but this. You must realize that all those who do not follow the will of God shall also be punished. This is an immutable fact. Therefore, all those who are punished are so punished for the righteousness of God and as retribution for their numerous evil acts” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). From God’s words, I realized that God’s work doesn’t take a one-size-fits-all approach, nor does He force anyone beyond their capabilities. Instead, God makes requirements according to each person’s actual situation and background. If a person is older, He makes requirements according to their age, and if a person has poor caliber, He makes requirements according to their caliber. As long as we can pursue the truth and do our duties well according to principles, we all have the opportunity to be saved. At the same time, I also understood that God’s determination of a person’s outcome is not based on their age or ability to sacrifice, and that what’s important is whether a person seeks the truth and undergoes a change in their disposition. Though my health wasn’t as robust as it once was, God hadn’t abandoned me, and the church was still arranging for me to do duties to the best of my abilities according to my physical condition. Perhaps my health would deteriorate further, and I wouldn’t be able to do any significant duties, but I could seek the truth to resolve my corrupt dispositions, and if the brothers and sisters were in bad states, I could also find God’s words to give them support and fellowship. I could also preach the gospel to the people around me. It’s not like there are no duties I can do. Also, even though I was older and in poor health, my mind remained clear, my ears could still hear and were able to listen to God’s words, my eyes could still read God’s words, and my mouth could still speak and fellowship. So long as I pursued the truth, there was hope for me to be saved by God. In the past, I didn’t seek the truth, and I constantly wallowed in the distress and anxiety of wanting to gain blessings, and I wasted the time that could have been spent pursuing the truth. How utterly worthless!

Later, thanks to the reminder of the brothers and sisters, I finally realized that “As long as I do my duty, I will receive blessings and be saved” is a fallacious viewpoint. God says: “There is no correlation between the duty of man and whether he is blessed or cursed. Duty is what man ought to fulfill; it is his heaven-sent vocation, and should not depend on recompense, conditions, or reasons. Only then is he doing his duty. To be blessed is when someone is made perfect and enjoys God’s blessings after experiencing judgment. To be cursed is when someone’s disposition does not change after they have experienced chastisement and judgment, it is when they do not experience being made perfect but are punished. But regardless of whether they are blessed or cursed, created beings should fulfill their duty, doing what they ought to do, and doing what they are able to do; this is the least that a person, a person who pursues God, should do. You should not do your duty only to be blessed, and you should not refuse to act for fear of being cursed” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Difference Between the Ministry of God Incarnate and the Duty of Man). God’s words made me understand that doing my duty has nothing to do with my receiving blessings. It’s not that I can receive blessings by doing my duty, doing more duties, or by enduring more suffering. This was my fallacious viewpoint. I am a created being, God is the Creator, and my duty is what I should do. Thus, I should listen to God’s words and fulfill my duty. Only by doing my duty can my corruption be revealed, and only then can I have the chance to know myself, cast off my corruption, and be saved by God. No matter how many duties I do, if I don’t pursue the truth and my life disposition doesn’t change at all, I will still be eliminated by God. I thought of Peter, who pursued the truth while doing his duty and focused on dispositional change. He did his duty solely to satisfy God. He had no impurities or personal intentions and wasn’t trying to bargain with God, and no matter how God tested or refined him, he was submissive even unto death. Because he walked the path of pursuing the truth, he eventually met with God’s approval. I had to follow Peter’s example and pursue dispositional change. Now, since I could host gatherings, then I would do it to the best of my ability. If one day I became seriously ill and unable to attend gatherings or do my duties, I would still submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements and not complain or blame God. Looking back, I saw that I had been able to accept God’s work of the last days, understand so many truths and mysteries, enjoy so much of the provision of God’s word, and accept God’s judgment and chastisement to know my corrupt disposition. These things showed me that it was God who had led me step by step to where I had gotten to, and that I had received so much of God’s love and grace! With this understanding, I no longer felt constrained or bound by my negative state.

Through this experience, I’ve realized that God is righteous, and that no matter whether a person is elderly or young, God shows them equal grace, and that so long as we pursue the truth, we can receive God’s salvation. In the past, I always felt that because of my age and numerous illnesses, I wouldn’t be accepted by God if I couldn’t do my duties. But these were just my notions and imaginings, and didn’t align with God’s intentions. From now on, no matter how my health is, I will focus on pursuing the truth, obediently submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and do my duties to the best of my ability to repay God’s love.