By Yuxin, China

In 2013, the police arrested me through phone surveillance. They showed me photos of the upper leaders and told me to identify them, and when I refused to speak, they tried to threaten and intimidate me, saying they’d put me in solitary confinement and torture me. It was thanks to God’s guidance that I wasn’t afraid. Afterward, I stood firm through every police interrogation by praying and relying on God, and I didn’t sell out my brothers and sisters. Later, I was sentenced to three years in prison.

In April 2014, I was sent to a women’s prison to serve my sentence. The prison unit chief told me to write a statement of repentance and swear not to believe in God anymore, but I refused to write it and testified about God to him instead. Seeing my firm stance, he had other inmates torment, beat, and verbally abuse me, and he made me stand in a small room for twelve hours a day without moving. My legs and feet became numb and swollen from standing, and every minute felt like an hour. The inmates mocked me when they saw my suffering, saying, “Tell your God to turn you into an eagle so you can fly out of here!” I prayed in my heart, asking Him to guide me to overcome this torment and not betray Him. Because of God’s guidance, I endured. One day, the prison officers gave me ten questions to answer, all of which denied and slandered God. This made me absolutely furious: “These devils are truly skilled at fabricating lies! I have to bear witness to God and not let His name be disgraced.” So I used this opportunity to answer the questions by using God’s words to refute their fallacies. As a result, this angered the prison officers, and they deprived me of lunch for three days. Sometimes, I felt dizzy from hunger and cried out to God in my heart, asking Him to bolster my faith and keep me standing firm. I thought of the Lord Jesus’ words: “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). Pondering God’s words, I no longer felt so hungry.

Six months before my release, the superiors pressured the prison unit, saying I was the only one in the district who hadn’t been converted, and that to avoid tarnishing the prison’s reputation, I had to be converted this time. After that, they subjected me to another round of corporal punishment. In temperatures of around minus twenty degrees Celsius, they made me stand in the washroom and poured water over me, even into my ears. My whole body was soaked, yet they didn’t allow me to change clothes. Later, they took me to a small room, and they had two murderers force me to sign the “Three Statements.” They threatened that if I refused, they would take me to a corridor without surveillance, beat me to death, and then say I had died of natural causes. My heart was in turmoil: “If I sign, I’ll be betraying God, but if I don’t, they’ll find new ways to torture me. What if they beat me to death?” I had previously heard an inmate say that a prisoner had died in here, and that they’d dragged the body away like a dead dog. Just the thought of it filled me with fear. If I were beaten to death, I would have no opportunities to be saved. I then thought, “Am I just rigidly following regulations by not signing the Three Statements? God looks at a person’s heart, not just their outward behaviors. I don’t truly want to betray God; I’d just be using wisdom to deal with the great red dragon.” So, I signed the Three Statements. But the moment I signed, my heart was filled with darkness. Yet I kept comforting myself, “I’m not truly betraying God; I’m just using wisdom to deal with the great red dragon.” I even told them, “I’m not really signing this. I’m just cooperating with your work.”

In June 2016, I was released from prison. Later, I heard from a sermon that those who signed the Three Statements had received the mark of the beast and had opened the gates of hell. I suddenly felt paralyzed, as if the sky had turned black. I finally realized how serious signing the Three Statements was, and that this offended God’s disposition. I didn’t expect that after believing in God for so many years, I had ended my journey of faith with betrayal. The pain and despair in my heart at that moment were beyond words. In my extreme suffering, I even thought about jumping from a building to end it all. I thought of God’s words: “Toward those who showed Me not the slightest loyalty during times of tribulation, I shall be merciful no more, for My mercy only extends so far. I have no liking, furthermore, for anyone who has once betrayed Me, much less do I like to associate with those who sell out the interests of their friends. This is My disposition, regardless of who the person may be. I must tell you this: Anyone who thoroughly breaks My heart shall not receive clemency from Me a second time, and anyone who has been loyal to Me shall forever remain in My heart” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). As I pondered God’s words, I felt a stabbing pain in my heart. God’s disposition does not tolerate offense, and anyone who betrays God will never again receive His mercy. I’d signed the Three Statements and offended God’s disposition, and I felt that my path of faith had come to an end and that God would no longer save someone like me. Thinking of the evil deed I had committed, my heart ached unbearably, and I wished to be imprisoned again just to make up for my transgression. During that time, I was like a walking corpse. I passed each day in a daze, and I was too ashamed to pray to God.

One day, I saw a brother I had once cooperated with in a film produced by God’s house, and I felt even more distressed and guilty. We both believed in God, yet he was doing his duty to testify for Him, while I had been eliminated and was to be punished. I hated myself even more for not pursuing the truth before, and I felt that I deserved to die and was unworthy of living. I just wanted to live each day as it came, and if I died one day, it would be God’s righteousness. I lay in bed at night, tossing and turning, unable to sleep, and God’s words came to my mind: “When people rebel against Me, I cause them to know Me from within their rebellion. In light of their old nature, and in light of My mercy, rather than putting them to death, I allow them to repent and make a fresh start” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 14). “Could it be that your fate actually cannot be changed? Are you resigned to dying with such bitter regrets?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Essence and Identity of Man). I clearly felt that God hadn’t abandoned me, and that He was still using His words to call out to me, hoping I would repent to Him. God’s kind words felt like a warm gentle stream, and they filled my heart with warmth. God didn’t want to see me in negativity and misunderstanding, sinking into despair and giving up on myself. God wanted me to rise from my failure and reflect on the root cause of my downfall. I thought about how God said that the repentance of the people of Nineveh won His mercy. God also hoped that I could repent, make a fresh start, and walk the path of faith again. I felt God’s love and salvation, and my heart was filled with gratitude toward Him. So I knelt down and prayed, “Oh God, I betrayed You and broke Your heart. But You have not given up on saving me and You have still given me a chance to repent. Thank You! Oh God, I am willing to repent. Please guide me to reflect on and know myself.”

Later, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some knowledge of myself. Almighty God says: “Those who are in the midst of the tribulation are without the work of the Holy Spirit and the guidance of God, but those who have been truly conquered and who truly pursue God will ultimately stand fast; they are the ones who are possessed of humanity, and who truly love God. No matter what God does, these victorious ones will not be bereft of the visions and will still put the truth into practice without losing their testimony. They are the ones who will finally emerge from the great tribulation. Even if those who just muddle along can still freeload today, no one is able to escape the final tribulation, and no one can escape the final test. For those who overcome, such tribulation is a tremendous refinement; but for those who just muddle along, it is the work of utter elimination. No matter how they are tried, the allegiance of those who have God in their hearts remains unchanged; but for those who do not have God in their hearts, once the work of God is not advantageous to their flesh, they change their view of God, and even depart from God. Such are those who will not stand fast in the end, who only seek God’s blessings and have no desire whatsoever to expend themselves for God and dedicate themselves to Him. Such base people will all be ‘driven out’ when God’s work comes to an end, and no mercy will be shown to them at all. Those without humanity absolutely do not possess true love for God. When the environment is comfortable, or they have something to gain, they are totally obedient toward God, but once their desires are compromised or eventually dashed, they immediately rise up in revolt. Even in the space of just one night, they go from a smiling, ‘kind-hearted’ person to a savage-looking executioner, unexpectedly treating their benefactor of yesterday as their mortal enemy, without rhyme or reason. If these evil demons who kill without batting an eye are not cast out, will they not become a serious underlying threat?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Work and Man’s Practice). Pondering God’s words, I realized I had been a selfish and despicable person. Faced with the threat of murderers, I became afraid that if I were killed, I wouldn’t be saved, so I signed the Three Statements and betrayed God. I’d usually say with my mouth that I wouldn’t betray God no matter who else did, and I even thought of myself as someone who truly believed in God. But when my life was in danger, to protect myself, I saved my own skin and betrayed God. In what way did I have any humanity? In what way did I truly believe in God? Only those who, during the tortures of the great red dragon, can endure all suffering to testify for God, are people with humanity, and are people who truly believe in God. I thought about how I was graced by God in the last days to be among those who believe in Him. By reading God’s words, I came to understand the truth of how humanity was corrupted by Satan and God’s 6,000-year management plan to save humanity. Through God’s words, I understood some truths and saw through many things, and it was God’s words that helped me get through the most difficult and painful days in prison. I had received so much from God, but when God wanted me to bear witness, I betrayed Him by signing the Three Statements to protect myself. I had committed such a great act of betrayal, and I was truly worthy of being cursed! At that moment, I finally realized that in my years of faith I had not gained the truth and life at all. I was just lifeless chaff, so how could I not fall? Realizing these things, I wished to strive upward and no longer be so negative, and I often prayed to God to repent. No matter what my outcome would be, I was willing to do my duty as a created being and strive to pursue the truth.

In February 2018, I took on text-based duties, and I felt very grateful, wanting to do my duty properly and make up for my previous transgression. While doing my duties, whenever I thought about the betrayal I had committed, my heart would ache, and this felt like a thorn stuck in my heart, bringing me great pain and guilt. Sometimes, I would ask myself, “I thought I was using wisdom to deal with the police when I signed the Three Statements, but how does God view this?” I thought of the words of the Lord Jesus: “Whoever shall deny Me before men, him will I also deny before My Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 10:33). Since I signed the Three Statements and denied and betrayed God before Satan, God did not acknowledge me as someone who believes in Him, because my “wisdom” wouldn’t hold before the truth and was just deceiving myself and others. Wisdom is a positive thing that comes from God, and using it is a practice that safeguards the interests of God’s house. But I used “wisdom” for the sake of protecting myself; its very nature was betrayal of God. Those who deny and betray God before men are condemned by God, and God abhors people’s betrayal of Him. What God wants is for people to bear witness for Him before Satan, to always uphold His name, and to never deny Him. But my so-called “wisdom” was just an excuse to save my own skin and drag out an ignoble existence. Realizing these things, I hated myself even more, and I secretly vowed in my heart that in the future, when facing similar situations, I would stand firm in my testimony, and never again seek to save my own skin.

Later, I would also ponder in my heart, “Why did I fail? Why could some brothers and sisters endure severe torture and stand firm, even to the point of death, without betraying God, while I betrayed Him? What was the root of my failure?” Upon reflection, I realized that I valued my life too much. I’d betrayed God out of fear of death, losing my testimony. One day, I read a passage of God’s words, and I came to understand how to face death. Almighty God says: “How did those disciples of the Lord Jesus die? Among the disciples, there were those who were stoned, dragged behind a horse, crucified upside down, dismembered by five horses—various forms of death befell them. What was the reason for their deaths? Is it that they engaged in some wrongdoing and were then executed by the law? No. They propagated the Lord’s gospel, but the people of the world did not accept it, and instead condemned, beat, and reviled them, and even put them to death—that is how they were martyred. … Actually, this was how their bodies died and passed away; this was their manner of departure from the human world, yet that did not mean their outcome was the same. No matter what the manner of their death and departure was or how it happened, it was not how God determined the final outcomes of those lives, of those created beings. This is something you must see clearly. On the contrary, this was precisely the manner by which they condemned this world and bore witness to God’s deeds. These created beings used their most precious lives—they used the last moment of their lives to bear witness to God’s deeds, to bear witness to God’s great power, and to declare to Satan and the world that God’s deeds are right, that the Lord Jesus is God, that He is the Lord, and God’s incarnate flesh. Even down to the final moment of their lives, they never denied the name of the Lord Jesus. Was this not a form of judgment upon this world? They used their lives to proclaim to the world, to prove to human beings that the Lord Jesus is the Lord, that the Lord Jesus is Christ, that He is God’s incarnate flesh, that the work of redeeming all of mankind He did allows this mankind to live on—this fact is forever unchanging. To what extent did those who were martyred for propagating the gospel of the Lord Jesus perform their duty? Was it to the ultimate extent? How was the ultimate extent manifested? (They offered their lives.) That’s right, they paid the price with their lives. Family, wealth, and the material things of this life are all external things; the only thing that is related to the self is life. To every living person, life is the thing most worthy of being treasured, the most precious thing and, as it happens, these people were able to offer their most precious possession as confirmation of and testimony to God’s love for mankind. All the way up until their deaths, they did not deny God’s name, nor did they deny God’s work, and they used their last moments of life to bear witness to the existence of this fact—is this not the highest form of testimony? This is the best way of performing one’s duty; this is what it is to fulfill one’s responsibility. When Satan threatened and terrorized them, and, in the end, even when it made them pay the price of their lives, they did not abandon their responsibility. This is what it is to fulfill one’s duty to the utmost extent. What do I mean by this? Do I mean to have you use the same method to bear witness to God and to propagate His gospel? You do not necessarily need to do so, but you must understand that this is your responsibility, that if God needs you to, you should accept it as something you are duty-bound to do” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Preaching the Gospel Is the Duty All Believers Are Bound to Fulfill). God’s words touched my heart. The disciples who followed the Lord Jesus were martyred in all kinds of ways for propagating the Lord’s gospel; their deaths were a judgment on this evil generation, and they bore witness to God at the cost of their own lives. This is the greatest humiliation to Satan. They fulfilled their responsibility, were true created beings, and were approved of by God. Though their bodies died, their souls returned to God. Those who wish to save their own skin and fear death, even if they live, are like lifeless walking corpses, and after death, they still have to endure eternal punishment. As the Lord Jesus said: “For whoever will save his life shall lose it: and whoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:25). Whenever I looked back on how I betrayed God to protect myself when I faced the threat of death, my heart ached with guilt, and my soul was greatly tormented. This pain was much worse than bodily suffering. I also understood that a person’s fate is in God’s hands, and that the great red dragon cannot decide my life or death. If I am persecuted to death by the great red dragon one day, that too would be with God’s permission and would be preordained by Him. I should submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements. To die to satisfy God is meaningful.

One night in December 2023, I received a letter from the upper leaders, saying they were going to investigate those who had previously signed the Three Statements. When I saw the letter, I was stunned, and I thought about how I had signed the Three Statements. Especially after seeing God’s words, which said: “Aren’t those who sign the ‘Three Statements’ the ones who have detonated the bomb and blown themselves to smithereens?” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). I felt like I was truly done for, and that my life of faith was over. I felt hopeless. I knew that by signing the Three Statements and betraying God, I was destined for hell and punishment. I felt that no matter how the house of God handled me, it would be justified, and that even death would be my just deserts. That night, I didn’t have the energy to address the problems in my work. I had no strength at all, and I didn’t speak a word all night. Over the next few days, I couldn’t eat or sleep, and whenever I thought of my transgression, I felt like I had no good outcome or destination. I felt desolate, and had no mind to do anything. I just waited for the church to inform me that I had been cleared out. In my pain and despair, I prayed to God, asking Him to enlighten and guide me to understand His intention.

The next day, I saw a passage of God’s words quoted in an experiential testimony video, and gained some understanding of God’s intentions. Almighty God says: “Most people have made some transgressions and brought some stains upon themselves. For example, some people have resisted God and said blasphemous things; some people have rejected God’s commission and refused to do their duty, and were spurned by God; some people have betrayed God when they were faced with temptations; some have signed the ‘Three Statements’ when they were under arrest, betraying God; some have stolen offerings; some have squandered offerings; some have frequently disturbed the church life and caused harm to God’s chosen people; some have formed cliques and tormented others, making a shambles of the church; some have often spread notions and death, harming the brothers and sisters; and some have engaged in inappropriate relations with the opposite sex and promiscuity, and have been a terrible influence. Suffice to say that everyone has their transgressions and stains. Yet some people are able to accept the truth and repent, while others cannot accept the truth and would die before repenting. So they should be treated according to their nature essence and their consistent manifestations. Those who can repent are those who truly believe in God; but as for the truly unrepentant, they should be cleared out or expelled as appropriate. Some people are evil, some are ignorant and foolish, and some are beasts. Everyone is different. Some evil people are possessed by evil spirits, while others are the servants of the devil Satan. Some of them have a particularly ruthless nature, while some have a particularly deceitful nature, some are especially greedy for money by nature, and others enjoy being sexually promiscuous by nature. The manifestations of each kind of person are different, so people should all be assessed comprehensively in accordance with their natures and consistent manifestations. … God’s handling of each person is based on the actual circumstances and background at the time, as well as on that person’s actions and behavior and their nature essence. God never wrongs anyone. This is God’s righteousness” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). As I pondered God’s words, I was deeply moved. God’s house handles people according to principles, and God’s disposition has both majesty and wrath, and lovingkindness and mercy. I had signed the Three Statements and committed the sin of blasphemy, which is unforgivable in this life and the world to come. After betraying God, my heart was dark, and I wallowed in the torment of pain, living like a walking corpse. This was God’s righteousness. But God did not abandon me, and through His words, He enlightened and guided me, allowing me to walk out of negativity and misunderstanding. I felt that within God’s righteous disposition, there is also God’s mercy and salvation. God decides people’s outcomes based on the backgrounds of their actions, their nature essence, and consistent behavior, as well as whether or not they have truly repented. Thinking back to when I was caught and tortured, and in a moment of bodily weakness when my life was threatened, I betrayed God, and afterward, I was filled with regret and guilt. The church saw that I had some understanding of myself and repentance, and gave me the chance to do my duty. Since then, I have continually done my best to fulfill my duty. In contrast, among those who signed the Three Statements, those who were cleared out consistently did poorly in their duties, and after betraying God, they didn’t truly repent or do their duties properly. Such people are those whom God reveals and eliminates. God said that those who sign the Three Statements are blown to pieces, and commit a mortal sin. But God treats people based on their nature essence and repentance. After signing the Three Statements, I felt deep regret and self-reproach in my heart. God used His words to judge and chastise me, allowing me to understand the nature and consequences of signing the Three Statements, to know that God’s righteous disposition is intolerant of offense, to develop a heart that fears God, and to have true repentance. This allowed me to fully experience what God said in: “God’s mercy and tolerance are not hard to gain—but it is hard for man to achieve true repentance” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique II).

I then read another passage of God’s words that was exactly related to my state. Almighty God says: “People all believe in God in order to get blessings, rewards, and crowns. Doesn’t every person have this intention at heart? In reality, every person does. This is a fact. Although people don’t often talk about it, and even cover up their intention and desire to obtain blessings, this desire, this intention and motive that lies deep in people’s hearts has never been wavered. No matter how much spiritual theory people understand, what experiential knowledge they have, what duty they can do, how much suffering they endure, or how much of a price they pay, they never let go of the intention to obtain blessings that is hidden deep in their hearts, and always silently toil and run about in its service. Isn’t this the thing buried deepest inside people’s hearts? Without this intention to obtain blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you do your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this intention to obtain blessings that is hidden in their hearts was completely eradicated? It is possible that many people would become negative, and that some would become demotivated in their duties, and lose interest in their belief in God. They would seem to have lost their souls, and it would appear as if their hearts had been taken away. This is why I say the intention to obtain blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts. Perhaps, as they do their duty or live the life of the church, they feel that they have understood some truths and are able to forsake their families and gladly expend themselves for God, and that they now have knowledge of their intention to obtain blessings, and have abandoned this intention, and are no longer governed or constrained by it. Then, they think that they no longer have the intention to obtain blessings, but God believes otherwise. People only view matters superficially. Without trials, they feel good about themselves. As long as they don’t leave the church or deny God’s name, and they persist in expending themselves for God, they believe they have changed. They feel they are no longer driven by their enthusiasm or momentary impulses in the performance of their duty. Instead, they believe they can pursue the truth, and that they can continuously seek and practice the truth while doing their duty, so that their corrupt dispositions are purified and they achieve some genuine change. However, when things happen that are directly related to their destination and outcome, what are their manifestations? Their true situation is revealed in its entirety” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). God exposed my exact state. Over these years, I thought I’d come to stop pursuing blessings, but the desire for blessings was hidden deep in my heart, and if not for the revelation of the facts, I would still think that I had changed in this regard. Throughout these years, due to God’s mercy, I have been doing my duties in the church, so I still held on to false hope, thinking that God might have forgiven me. I suffered and paid a price in my duties, enduring illness to persist in my duties, and so I thought I was loyal to God. But when I saw that the outcome for those who sign the Three Statements is hell, I was paralyzed, and seeing that my hopes for blessings were completely dashed, I lost the desire to do my duties, and I didn’t even want to see to the church’s work. Faced with the facts, I saw that I was still trying to make deals with God, and that I endured suffering in my duty just for blessings. I saw how deeply entrenched my intention to gain blessings was. I thanked God for His revelation, which made me know myself and also inspired my resolve to pursue the truth. After that, I resolved to entrust myself to God, and I knew that no matter how God treated me, what I needed to do was submit and fulfill the duties that I should. I prayed to God, “God, in light of the transgressions I have committed, I should have long since been cleansed away. Over these years, I have enjoyed so much of the watering and provision of Your words for free, and I have gained quite a lot. Even if You now expel me, I will still thank You. God! I wish to follow You forever, and I shall no longer desire any blessings.” I thought of God’s words: “I do not ask to receive any blessings; all I ask is that I am able to walk the path I ought to walk according to God’s intentions” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Path … (6)). Pondering God’s words, my tears couldn’t help but fall. My heart filled with gratitude toward God, and my spirit felt liberated like never before.

One day, I received a letter from the upper leaders. Considering the background of my signing the Three Statements and my consistent performance of my duties in my faith, they gave me an opportunity to repent, and they told me to do my duties with peace of mind. When I received the letter, I was deeply moved. I felt that God’s righteous disposition toward people is judgment and salvation, and it is all so that I may walk the right path of pursuing the truth. At that moment, my misunderstandings of God were resolved. At the same time, I also hated my own deceitfulness and lack of understanding of God’s painstaking intentions, and I realized even more how much of His heart’s blood He had invested in me. I read God’s words: “Today God judges you, chastises you, and condemns you, but you should know that the point of your condemnation is for you to know yourself. He condemns, curses, judges, and chastises so that you might know yourself, so that your disposition might change, and, even more than this, so that you might know your worth, and see that all of God’s actions are righteous and in accordance with His disposition and the needs of His work, that He works in accordance with His plan for man’s salvation, and that He is the righteous God who loves and saves man, and who judges and chastises man as well” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. You Should Put Aside the Blessings of Status and Understand God’s Intention to Bring Salvation to Man). I’d read this passage of God’s word many times before, but I’d never truly understood it. Now, after this experience, I realized that what God does has no hatred toward people. No matter how God works, even if it involves condemnation or cursing, it is to purify people, to free them from the constraints and bondage of corrupt dispositions, and to save people from the power of Satan. God’s righteous disposition being revealed to people is the greatest salvation for them. I am willing to pursue the truth and strive to meet God’s requirements. No matter my outcome, even if I can only labor for the Creator, I am willing and content. Thank God!