By Xinkao, China

When I was fifty, I accepted God’s work in the last days. I never dreamed that in my lifetime I would hear God’s personal utterances and welcome the return of the Lord Jesus. Seeing the hope of entering the kingdom of heaven gave me a real sense of purpose. Every day I rose early and stayed up late reading God’s words, and I accepted and submitted to any duty the church arranged. I thought, “As long as I persist in my duty, I’ll be saved and enter the kingdom of heaven.” By 2023, I’d reached the age of 75. I was old, my memory was poor, I was hard of hearing and dim-sighted, and I wasn’t too steady on my feet anymore. The church arranged for me to do the duty of hosting according to my condition. I thought about how I was getting older and about how my health was worsening. I kept forgetting things because of my poor memory, and at times my memories were muddled. In a few more years, if I became senile and couldn’t do my duty, wouldn’t I become a useless person? Could I still be saved? One time, I’d just moved house and got lost trying to find my way back. A sister casually said after finding out, “Are you getting confused?” I quickly said, “I’m not confused.” I thought, “I hope they don’t think I’m getting confused and stop me from doing my duty. If I don’t have any duty to do, wouldn’t that be the end for me? How could I be saved then?” But thinking back later, I realized that I’d often forget to add salt or green onions when cooking, and that sometimes I’d get turned around on the street and couldn’t find my way back home. I started to get scared. I thought, “Am I really getting confused? Can the church still use me to do a duty? If I can’t do a duty, can I still be saved?” I began wallowing in worry and anxiety.

In June 2023, I hosted a gathering for brothers and sisters. At the time, the apartment upstairs was being renovated, and there was constant banging every day. After that, I didn’t see brothers and sisters come to gatherings for quite a while, and I was puzzled, “Why haven’t they come by recently? Are they not using me as a host anymore? At my age, all I can do is hosting duty. If I can’t even do hosting duties, won’t I lose my chance to be saved?” I was very anxious and eagerly hoped they would come again. One evening, a sister came knocking, and my daughter-in-law answered the door. The sister said they had come by three or four times but that no one had answered. I felt really bad. I thought, “Was it not because I’m old and hard of hearing that I didn’t hear them? I haven’t fulfilled my duty well. Now I’m hard of hearing, dim-sighted, slow to respond, and unsteady on my feet. I really can’t do anything well! I can’t even do hosting duties well! Getting old really makes you useless!” I deeply envied young people for how quickly they were able to learn and how they could do any duty. I felt that God likes the young, and that they’d be sure to be saved in the end. I thought that if only I could go back even ten years, I’d still be able to do some duty in my sixties. Little by little, my state worsened, and every day I wallowed in distress and anxiety. My prayers weren’t normal, and reading God’s words brought me no light or enlightenment. My heart drifted further and further from God. One day while walking, I tripped and strained a tendon in my leg. Though it didn’t delay gatherings, I became even more worried. Though this time my falling over hadn’t delayed gatherings, if I fell ill one day, I might not be able to join gatherings or do a duty. Later, I really did fall ill and had to be hospitalized. I was very negative at this time. I thought, “This time it’s really over for me—I can’t even attend gatherings, let alone do any kind of duty. Doesn’t that make me truly useless?” After being discharged, my state remained poor. I worried about whether I could be saved if I couldn’t even do hosting duties. Wouldn’t that mean all my years of faith would have been in vain? The more I thought about it, the more heartbroken and distressed I felt. So I prayed to God, asking Him to enlighten and illuminate me so I could emerge from my negative state.

One day, I read an experiential testimony article written by an elderly sister, and it reflected my exact state. A passage of God’s words quoted in it moved me deeply. God says: “There are also elderly people among brothers and sisters, who are aged from 60 up to around 80 or 90 and who, because of their advanced age, also experience some difficulties. Despite their age, their thinking is not necessarily so correct or rational, and their ideas and views do not necessarily accord with the truth. These elderly people have problems just the same, and they’re always worrying, ‘My health isn’t so good anymore and I’m limited as to what duty I can perform. If I just perform this little duty, will God remember me? Sometimes I get sick, and I need someone to look after me. When there’s no one to look after me, I’m not able to perform my duty, so what can I do? I’m old and I don’t remember God’s words when I read them and it’s hard for me to understand the truth. When fellowshipping on the truth, I speak in a muddled and illogical way, and I haven’t any experiences worth sharing. I’m old and I don’t have enough energy, my eyesight isn’t very good and I’m not strong anymore. Everything is difficult for me. Not only can I not perform my duty, but I easily forget things and get things wrong. Sometimes I get confused and I cause problems for the church and for my brothers and sisters. It’s very hard for me to pursue the truth and attain salvation. What can I do?’ When they think of these things, they begin to fret, thinking, ‘How come I only started believing in God at this age? How come I didn’t start believing in my 20s or 30s like those others did? It would even have been fine to have started believing in my 40s or 50s! How come I only came across God’s work now when I’m so old? It’s not that my fate is bad; at least now I’ve encountered God’s work. My fate is good, and God has been kind to me! There’s just one thing that I’m not happy about, and that is that I’m too old. My memory isn’t very good, and my health isn’t that great, but I have a strong heart. It’s just that my body doesn’t obey me, and I get sleepy after listening for a while at gatherings. Sometimes I close my eyes to pray and fall asleep. My mind wanders when I read God’s words, and after reading for a bit, I get sleepy and doze off, and the words don’t sink in. What can I do? With such practical difficulties, am I still able to pursue and understand the truth? If not, and if I’m not able to practice in line with the truth principles, then won’t all my faith be in vain? Won’t I fail to attain salvation? What can I do? I’m so worried! At this age, nothing is important anymore. Now that I believe in God, I have no more worries or anything to feel anxious about, and my children are grown and they don’t need me to look after or raise them anymore, my greatest wish in life is to pursue the truth, perform the duty of a created being, and ultimately attain salvation in the years I have left. However, looking now at my actual situation, dim-sighted from age and confused in mind, in poor health, not able to perform my duty well, and sometimes creating problems when I try to do as much as I can do, it seems as though attaining salvation isn’t going to be easy for me.’ They think these things over and over and grow anxious, and then think, ‘It seems as though good things only ever happen to young people and not to old people. It looks as though no matter how good things are, I won’t be able to enjoy them anymore.’ The more they think about these things, the more they fret and the more anxious they get. They not only worry about themselves, but they also feel hurt. If they cry, they feel it’s not really worth crying over, and if they don’t cry, that pain, that hurt, is always with them. So, what should they do? … Could it be that they really have no way forward? Is there any solution? (Elderly people should also perform their duties as much as they’re able.) It’s acceptable for elderly people to perform their duties as much as they’re able, right? Can elderly people not pursue the truth anymore because of their age? Are they not capable of understanding the truth? (Yes, they are.) Can elderly people understand the truth? They can understand some, and not even young people can understand it all, either. Elderly people always have a misconception, believing that they’re confused, that their memory is bad, and so they can’t understand the truth. Is this a fact? (No.) Although young people have much more energy than elderly people, and are physically stronger, actually their capacity to understand, comprehend, and know is just the same as that of elderly people. Weren’t elderly people once young as well? They weren’t born old, and young people will all grow old one day, too. Elderly people mustn’t always be thinking that because they’re old, physically weak, unwell, and with bad memories, they’re different from young people. In fact, there is no difference. What do I mean when I say there is no difference? Whether someone is old or young, their corrupt dispositions are the same, their attitudes and views on all manner of things are the same, and their perspectives and standpoints on all manner of things are the same. … it is not that elderly people have nothing to do, nor are they unable to perform their duties, much less are they unable to pursue the truth—there are many things for them to do. The various heresies and fallacies that you have accumulated during your lifetime, as well as the various traditional ideas and notions, ignorant and stubborn things, conservative things, irrational things, and distorted things that you have accumulated have all piled up in your heart, and you should spend even more time than young people to dig out, dissect, and recognize these things. It’s not the case that you have nothing to do, or that you should constantly feel distressed, anxious, and worried—this is neither your task nor your responsibility. First of all, elderly people should have the correct mindset. Although you may be getting on in years and you are relatively aged physically, still you should have a young mindset. Although you’re getting old, your thinking is slowed and your memory is poor, if you can still know yourself, still understand the words I say, and still understand the truth, then that proves you are not old and that your caliber is not lacking. If someone is in their 70s but is not able to understand the truth, then this shows that their stature is too small and not up to the task. Therefore, age is irrelevant when it comes to the truth” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). I read this passage of God’s words several times, and the more I read, the brighter my heart felt. God truly observes the innermost hearts of men. Weren’t these words speaking directly about me? I was worried because I was old, in poor health, hard of hearing, dim-sighted, and my memory had deteriorated. I feared that as I aged, I wouldn’t be able to do my duty, and that I’d lose my chance to be saved. I spent my days wallowing in distress and anxiety. After reading that passage of God’s words, my heart felt suddenly liberated. God knows the difficulties of elderly people, and He has expressed these words so the elderly can understand His intention. Whether young or old, God gives everyone the chance to pursue the truth and be saved, and I saw that God is righteous. From God’s words, I found a path of practice. Though I’m old, I can still comprehend God’s words, and I should seek the truth in the things that befall me, and come to know my own corruption and shortcomings. I should also pursue the truth and achieve repentance and transformation because the elderly are no less corrupt in disposition than the young. For instance, I had a seriously arrogant disposition, and sometimes when brothers and sisters pointed out my problems, I’d not want to accept it. In daily family life, when my daughter-in-law didn’t listen to me, I’d get angry and talk down to her with a sense of superiority. These were all revelations of a corrupt disposition, and I needed to seek the truth to resolve them, so it wasn’t as if there was nothing I could do. Now I had plenty of time each day to read more of God’s words at home, to seek the truth in the people, things, and events I encountered, and to resolve my corrupt disposition. I could also watch experiential testimony videos and learn lessons from the experiences of brothers and sisters. I could also write experiential testimony articles, writing out my real experiences to bear testimony to God. These were all things I ought to be doing. Now that I understood God’s intention, I no longer misunderstood Him or wallowed in a negative state, and I no longer worried about whether I could do a duty. I resolved that no matter whether the church arranged for me to do a duty or not, I would submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. From then onward, I was able to calmly sit down each day and eat and drink God’s words, and when things befell me, I could pray and seek God’s intentions.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “I decide the destination of each person not on the basis of age, seniority, amount of suffering, and least of all, the degree to which they invite pity, but according to whether they possess the truth. There is no other choice but this” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). “God’s wish is for every person to be made perfect, to be ultimately gained by Him, to be completely cleansed by Him, and to become people He loves. No matter whether I say you are backward or of poor caliber, this is all fact. My saying this does not prove that I intend to forsake you, that I have lost hope in you, much less that I am unwilling to save you. Today I have come to do the work of your salvation, which is to say that the work I do is a continuation of the work of salvation. Every person has the chance to be made perfect: Provided that you are willing, provided that you pursue, in the end you will be able to achieve this result, and not one of you will be forsaken. If you are of poor caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your poor caliber; if you are of high caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your high caliber; if you are ignorant and illiterate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your illiteracy; if you are literate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with the fact that you are literate; if you are elderly, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your age; if you are capable of providing hospitality, My requirements of you will be in accordance with this capability; if you say you cannot offer hospitality, and can only perform a certain function, whether it be spreading the gospel, or taking care of the church, or attending to other general affairs, My perfection of you will be in accordance with the function that you perform. Being loyal, submitting to the very end, and seeking to have supreme love for God—this is what you must accomplish, and there are no better practices than these three things. Ultimately, man is required to achieve these three things, and if he can achieve them, then he will be made perfect. But, above all, you must truly pursue, you must actively press onward and upward, and not be passive in that regard” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). After reading God’s words, I came to understand that God doesn’t determine a person’s outcome based on their age, seniority, or how much they’ve suffered, but on whether they possess the truth. I thought I was old and no longer useful, and so I feared being eliminated by God—this showed I didn’t understand God’s intention in saving people or His required standard for determining people’s outcomes. God’s saving and perfecting of people isn’t based on their age or caliber, but on whether they pursue the truth. If someone can accept the truth and is loyal to God, and they submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, He will not abandon them. I had viewed God’s house the same as the nonbelieving world. Out in society, the elderly are overlooked and ignored, and I assumed it was the same in God’s house—that once you’re old, God no longer wants you. This was a misunderstanding of God and a blasphemy against God. The world is ruled by Satan, and Satan the devil uses people to labor for it. Once people are old and can’t labor anymore, they’re discarded. But in God’s house, the truth holds power. God gives people the chance to do their duty and pursue the truth; in the course of doing their duty, people come to know themselves and change, and they cast off their satanic corrupt dispositions. I thought about how old I was, yet God hadn’t taken away my opportunity to eat and drink His words or pursue the truth. God is constantly expressing words to water and provide for us. He also used His words to enlighten and guide me when things befell me, and it was I who didn’t understand God’s intention. I thought that since I was old and confused, God wouldn’t save me. But in reality, as long as someone sincerely believes in God and is willing to pursue the truth, even if one day, they can’t do a duty, God’s house won’t clear them out or eliminate them. Many elderly brothers and sisters around me are about the same age as I am. Though they can’t do many duties now, they persist in eating and drinking God’s words and living a church life, and the church hasn’t cleared them out. Yet there are some young people who have continually done duties, but because they don’t pursue the truth and their corrupt dispositions remain dire and unchanged, they ultimately commit many evildoings and are cleared out from the church. From this, I saw God’s righteous disposition. God doesn’t save people based on whether they are young or old, but by looking at their hearts and at whether they pursue the truth. From then on, no matter whether I had a duty or not, I resolved to earnestly eat and drink God’s words, experience God’s work, come to know my shortcomings and deficiencies, understand my corrupt disposition, and no longer misunderstand or complain against God.

During a gathering, after a sister learned of my state, she had me read a passage of God’s words: “There is no correlation between the duty of man and whether he receives blessings or suffers misfortune. Duty is what man ought to fulfill; it is his heaven-sent vocation, and he should perform it without seeking recompense, and without conditions or reasons. Only this can be called performing one’s duty. Receiving blessings refers to the blessings a person enjoys when they are made perfect after experiencing judgment. Suffering misfortune refers to the punishment a person receives when their disposition does not change after they have passed through chastisement and judgment—that is, when they are not made perfect. But regardless of whether they receive blessings or suffer misfortune, created beings should fulfill their duty, doing what they ought to do, and doing what they are able to do; this is the least that a person, a person who pursues God, should do. You should not perform your duty only to receive blessings, and you should not refuse to perform your duty for fear of suffering misfortune” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Difference Between the Ministry of God Incarnate and the Duty of Man). After reading God’s words, I understood that God is the Creator, and man is a created being; it is perfectly natural and justified for man to do their duty. This is man’s responsibility and obligation, and it has nothing to do with receiving blessings or suffering misfortune. Only by experiencing the judgment and chastisement of God’s words while doing one’s duty and attaining dispositional change can a person receive God’s blessings. But I believed that as long as I did my duty, I would be blessed by God, and I always thought that doing a duty meant I would be blessed. This was nothing more than my notions and imaginings. Thinking back, I’d done quite a bit of duty, but I didn’t pursue the truth in my duty and always acted as I wished, and I rarely prayed to seek God’s intentions or the truth, so as a result, to this point, my disposition had hardly changed. No matter how much duty I did this way, I still wouldn’t gain God’s approval. I’d wasted many years not pursuing the truth. From this point on, I had to seek God’s intentions when things befell me, accept the judgment and chastisement of God’s words, and pursue the truth to attain dispositional change. Even if I ultimately can’t be saved, this would be because my disposition hasn’t changed, and not because I was old and God didn’t want me. I prayed to God, “Oh God, I now understand Your intention. I am willing to submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements and no longer misunderstand or complain against You. No matter what duty I do, I want to do it with all my heart and mind to satisfy You.”

Later on, the sister found another passage of God’s words that related to my state. God says: “People believe in God in order to be blessed, to be rewarded, to be crowned. Doesn’t this exist in everyone’s heart? It is a fact that it does. Although people don’t often talk about it, and even cover up their motive and desire to obtain blessings, this desire and motive deep in people’s hearts has always been unshakable. No matter how much spiritual theory people understand, what experiential knowledge they have, what duty they can perform, how much suffering they endure, or how much of a price they pay, they never let go of the motivation for blessings hidden deep in their hearts, and always silently toil in its service. Isn’t this the thing buried deepest inside people’s hearts? Without this motivation to receive blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you perform your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this motivation to receive blessings that is hidden in their hearts was gotten rid of? It is possible that many people would become negative, while some would become demotivated in their duties. They would lose interest in their belief in God, as if their soul had vanished. They would appear as if their heart had been snatched away. This is why I say the motivation for blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts. Perhaps, as they perform their duty or live the life of the church, they feel that they are able to forsake their families and gladly expend themselves for God, and that they now have knowledge of their motivation to receive blessings, and have put this motivation aside, and are no longer governed or constrained by it. Then, they think that they no longer have the motivation to be blessed, but God believes otherwise. People only view matters superficially. Without trials, they feel good about themselves. As long as they don’t leave the church or deny God’s name, and they persist in expending for God, they believe they have changed. They feel they are no longer driven by personal enthusiasm or momentary impulses in the performance of their duty. Instead, they believe they can pursue the truth, and that they can continuously seek and practice the truth while performing their duty, so that their corrupt dispositions are purified and they achieve some genuine change. However, when things happen that are directly related to people’s destination and outcome, how do they behave? The truth is revealed in its entirety” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). God has exposed the hidden intent within people to gain blessings. People believe in God not to satisfy Him, but to gain blessings and benefits. Even when they are able to forsake their families and careers to do a duty, it’s all just to try and make a deal with God. Thinking back to when I first found God, I felt I had hope of entering the kingdom of heaven and so I enthusiastically expended myself. I submitted to any duty the church arranged for me, and I had endless energy every day. But as I grew older and could take on fewer duties, I began to worry that I wouldn’t receive blessings, and I thus became negative. I also stopped focusing on eating and drinking God’s words. I no longer sought God’s intentions when things befell me, and I spent my days wallowing in distress and anxiety. I came to see that all these years I’d been doing my duty in pursuit of blessings and entering the kingdom of heaven—not to satisfy God. My believing in God and doing my duty this way was me trying to make deals with and deceive God. I was truly lacking in humanity! Reflecting on these years, I came to understand some truths by reading God’s words, and I gained some understanding of my satanic nature. I also came to understand a little of God’s painstaking intention in saving man. I’d received so much from God, and yet I was still trying to make deals with Him. As soon as I felt I wouldn’t receive blessings, I became negative and no longer wanted to strive ahead. I was truly without conscience or reason! I was truly selfish and despicable! I looked at those my age who didn’t believe in God—they spend their days eating, drinking, and seeking pleasure, and if they’re not gossiping, they’re playing cards or mahjong. They have no idea what the meaning of life is, and all they do each day is just sit around and wait for death. Over my years of believing in God, I’d come to understand what a meaningful life is, and I no longer pursued worldly pleasures but instead wanted to pursue the truth, do my duty well, and satisfy God. I’d found the goal of life. I felt fulfilled and at ease, and even if I died at this point, my life would have been worth it. I shouldn’t try to make deals with God anymore, or pursue just to be blessed.

Not long after, the sister came to ask me to resume my hosting duty. I was very happy. God had given me another chance to do a duty, and I wanted to cherish it properly. Later on, I read these words of God: “Besides being able to perform their duty well to the best of their abilities, there are many things elderly people can do. Unless you’re stupid, demented, and cannot understand the truth, and unless you’re unable to take care of yourself, there are many things you should do. Just like young people, you can pursue the truth, you can seek the truth, and you should often come before God to pray, seek the truth principles, strive to view people and things and conduct yourself and act wholly according to God’s words, with the truth as your criterion. This is the path you should follow, and you should not feel distressed, anxious, or worried because you’re old, because you have many ailments, or because your body is aging. Feeling distress, anxiety, and worry is not the right thing to do—they are irrational manifestations. … Since elderly people have corrupt dispositions just as young people do, and often reveal their corrupt dispositions in life and when performing their duties just as young people do, why then do elderly people not do what is proper, and instead always feel distressed, anxious, and worried about their old age and what happens to them after death? Why don’t they perform their duties like young people do? Why don’t they pursue the truth like young people do? This opportunity has been given to you, so if you don’t grab hold of it, and you really get so old that you cannot hear or see or take care of yourself, then you will regret it, and your life will pass by in this way” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). After reading God’s words, I understood that I shouldn’t wallow in distress or anxiety over whether I’ll be saved, nor should I continue misunderstanding and complaining against God as I had been. What I have to do is pursue the truth to resolve my corrupt disposition, and I mustn’t wait until I’m truly muddleheaded and immobile, as it’ll be too late to regret not having pursued the truth by then. I want to seize this final stretch of time to pursue the truth and attain dispositional change. Thinking back, I always skimmed over God’s words without fully digesting them, and I didn’t understand God’s intentions. Now that I’m older, I don’t have the memory of a young person, but I can read God’s words repeatedly and ponder them more, and when things happen, I can seek God’s intentions and find a path of practice in His words. Just as God says: “… strive to view people and things and conduct yourself and act wholly according to God’s words, with the truth as your criterion.” I must strive toward God’s requirements and focus on my life entry, and I can’t keep neglecting my proper work. I thank God for guiding me out of distress!

Afterward, whether in my duties or interacting with family, when things befell me, I learned to accept them from God, and I sought God’s intentions and practiced according to His words. My arrogant disposition began to change little by little, and my son said I wasn’t as overbearing as before. I felt truly grateful to God in my heart. It was God who guided me to this change, and from this point on, in my daily life, I became willing to practice and experience God’s words and to bear witness to God to glorify Him.