By Mo Ran, China

On November 29, 2023, I was chosen as the supervisor for text-based work. When I heard this news, I felt really troubled. I couldn’t help it as the memories of when I had been a supervisor kept flashing through my head. When deviations and problems arose in the work, the sister I was cooperating with was proactive in seeking out the causes and finding ways to resolve them, but I was never able to handle these things correctly. Whenever problems arose, I thought it was because of my poor caliber and lack of work capabilities, but I never analyzed the deviations and shortcomings in the problems that came up, much less put effort into pondering how to correct and resolve them. I always felt it was kind of humiliating for so many problems to crop up in my duty, and I couldn’t help but live in a negative state and constantly wanted to escape my duty. If the leaders also pointed out my problems, I’d become even more negative. Because I’d long been living in a state of being negative and slacking off, many problems in the work couldn’t be resolved in time, and I didn’t bring real help to my brothers and sisters. The leaders fellowshipped with me many times about my state, but I still couldn’t turn it around, and in the end, it seriously affected the work, and I was dismissed. Even though I was dismissed, it felt like a relief. But now they wanted me to be a supervisor again, wouldn’t that mean I’d be living in the same painful and humiliating way as before? I really didn’t want to be a supervisor again! Besides, I felt that I simply didn’t possess the caliber to be a supervisor. I’d seen that many leaders, workers, and supervisors were people with good caliber, strong work capabilities, and high efficiency in their work, whereas I felt like I was the kind of person with poor caliber and low efficiency, and that I was simply unfit to be a supervisor. At this point, in my duty as a team member, I could see some results and could maintain a bit of pride, but being a supervisor meant taking on a heavy workload and having to take all aspects into account. With my mediocre abilities, I felt that no matter how hard I tried, I’d still be unable to do it well, and that in the end, I’d just be dismissed again. That’d be yet another crushing defeat, and then how would my brothers and sisters see me? Would they say I was totally useless? Whenever I had these thoughts, I wanted to refuse that duty, but I also felt that by refusing my duty, I’d be letting God down. In particular, since there was only one supervisor for text-based work at this time, and the workload was so heavy that one person simply couldn’t handle it all, the leader said the work had already been affected. Since I’d trained in text-based duties for many years and had been a supervisor before, I was somewhat familiar with the various items of the work, so if I didn’t accept this duty at this time, I really wouldn’t be worthy of being called a member of God’s house. But if I did agree to this and then was unable to shoulder the work, wouldn’t my pride and status be done for? Thinking of these things made me feel especially repressed and pained, and I felt caught between a rock and a hard place. I poured out my true state to God, “God, today this duty as a supervisor has come to me, and I know it’s Your uplifting and grace, but I keep feeling that I lack the caliber to be a supervisor, and I’m very afraid that after becoming a supervisor again, I’ll run into all sorts of problems and end up stuck once more in status and pride, unable to extricate myself. God, I ask You to grant me faith and the resolve to submit.”

Later on, I went to a gathering with a heavy heart. The leader, upon learning of my state, found me a passage of God’s words: “That God’s objective in arranging environments for man is, in one respect, to allow people to experience various things in a multitude of ways, to learn lessons from them, to enter into the various truth realities contained in the word of God, to enrich people’s experiences, and to help them gain a more comprehensive and multi-faceted understanding of God, themselves, their environments, and humanity. In another respect, God wants people to maintain a normal relationship with Him by orchestrating some special environments and arranging some special lessons for them. This way, people come before Him more frequently, rather than living in a godless state, saying that they believe in God, but acting in a way that has nothing to do with God or the truth, which will lead to trouble. Therefore, in the environments arranged by God, people are, in fact, reluctantly and passively brought before God by God Himself. This shows the thoughtful consideration of God. The more you lack understanding in a certain matter, the more you should have a God-fearing and pious heart, and frequently come before God to seek God’s intentions and the truth. When you don’t understand things, you need God’s enlightenment and guidance. When you encounter things that you do not understand, you need to ask God to work more upon you. These are God’s thoughtful consideration. The more you come before God, the closer your heart will be to God. And isn’t it true that the closer your heart is to God, the more God will dwell within it? The more God is in a person’s heart, the better their pursuit, the path they walk, and the state in their heart will become” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). God’s words are very clear. No matter what situations God sets up, it’s all so that we can learn lessons and gain the truth. Thinking back to when I was a supervisor before, because I revealed many deviations and shortcomings in my duty, and my vanity wasn’t satisfied, I often became negative. I never sought the truth to resolve my corrupt disposition. All I thought about was what my brothers and sisters would think of me, and whether they’d look down on me. I kept wanting to escape my duty, and I became negative and slacked off, not doing any actual work. In the end, the work was delayed, and my life didn’t grow at all. All of this was as a result of me not seeking the truth over the long term. Thinking back to when I wasn’t a supervisor before, I thought I was doing well in all respects, and had no real understanding of myself. Ever since becoming a supervisor, many deviations and problems had been exposed in my duty, and I was pruned a lot. All of this forced me to reflect on my corruption and deficiencies, and come before God to seek the truth. If I could face up to my deficiencies and shortcomings, pray more to God, and seek the truth principles, I’d be able to learn lessons in all respects. This was God’s grace. But I didn’t know to be grateful, and I always wanted to shirk my duty and was irresponsible. Even after being dismissed, I didn’t feel a shred of guilt or remorse. Instead, I thought of this as a kind of relief. I had truly let God down! Yet God didn’t dislike me, and instead gave me another opportunity to train, wanting me to equip myself more with the truth and grow in life more quickly. But I was numb and dull-witted, and I didn’t understand God’s intention. I worried that my deficiencies would be exposed again and that others would look down on me, and so I didn’t want to do my duty as a supervisor. I had truly let down God’s painstaking intention. Realizing these things made me feel somewhat guilty and indebted to God.

I came to understand God’s intention a little more and accepted the duty of being a supervisor. But I still couldn’t help but feel concerned and worried. I feared I wouldn’t do my duty well, would lose face in every way, and would end up dismissed like last time. One day, I read God’s words: “Whether your caliber is high or low, and whether or not you understand the truth, in any case, you must have this attitude: ‘Since this work was given to me to do, I must treat it seriously, I must make it my concern, and I must use all my heart and strength to do it well. As for whether I can do it perfectly well, I can’t presume to offer a guarantee, but my attitude is that I’ll do my best to perform it well, and I certainly won’t be perfunctory about it. If a problem arises in work, I should take responsibility then, and ensure I draw a lesson from it and do my duty well.’ This is the right attitude” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (8)). After reading this passage of God’s words, I was very moved. God’s requirements of me aren’t high. He doesn’t require me to undertake any great work beyond the caliber and abilities I possess, and He only asks that I have a genuine heart and do my utmost to fulfill my duty well. This is enough to satisfy God. Though I still didn’t dare to guarantee that I could shoulder the duty of a supervisor, I had to at least possess the attitude of doing my utmost to fulfill my duty well. This was within my reach. I realized that my previous failure to do my duty well wasn’t because my caliber was lacking, but rather because I kept living in a state of passing verdict on myself, constantly wanting to shrink back. I had no sense of burden toward my duty, and when problems arose, I didn’t immediately come before God to reflect, and I didn’t analyze why these deviations and problems had occurred, nor did I ponder how to seek the truth to resolve them. All I thought about day after day was my own pride and status. With that kind of attitude, how could I possibly fulfill my duty well? Upon realizing this, I saw that my vanity, pride, and concern for status were my biggest obstacles in my duty. So, I began to reflect, “Why is it that whenever pride and status are involved, I can’t help but wallow in an incorrect state?”

Later, I read God’s words: “Antichrists’ cherishment of their reputation and status goes beyond that of normal people, and is something within their disposition essence; it is not a temporary interest, or the transient effect of their surroundings—it is something within their life, their bones, and so it is their essence. This is to say that in everything antichrists do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, nothing else. For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. In all they do, their first consideration is: ‘What will happen to my status? And to my reputation? Will doing this give me a good reputation? Will it elevate my status in people’s minds?’ That is the first thing they think about, which is ample proof that they have the disposition and essence of antichrists; that is why they consider things this way. It can be said that for antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less things which are external to them that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they pursue on a daily basis. And so for antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence. You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status. You can put them among any group of people, and all they can think about is still reputation and status. Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and place these two things on equal footing. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status. It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, the pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status, and the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth; to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). From God’s words, I saw that antichrists treat reputation and status as their very life, and as the goal they pursue throughout their entire lives. No matter what they do or say, all they consider is their own reputation and status. This is the essence of an antichrist. Thinking back, I’d always had a strong desire for reputation and status ever since I was young, and I’d always lived by the satanic poisons of “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark” and “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies.” I cared deeply about how others saw me. When I was in fourth grade, my teacher chose me to participate in a math Olympiad. But I didn’t score as high as the other students, and I felt quite humiliated. After that, I made up an excuse and dropped out of school. My teacher saw that my grades weren’t actually that bad and thought it was a pity for me to drop out, so she went to my house specially to persuade me. Only then did I go back to school. In seventh grade, one time, I answered one of the teacher’s questions wrong, and the whole class burst into laughter. I felt utterly humiliated and never went back to school. After finding God, I was still the same way. Because my desire for reputation and status hadn’t been satisfied, I lived in a negative state and wanted to give up my duty. When I’d been a supervisor before, many of my shortcomings were exposed, and I felt really humiliated, so I constantly wanted to evade my duty and I didn’t put any effort into resolving issues that could have been resolved. I slacked off and was negative in my duty, and in the end, I delayed the church’s work and was dismissed. This time, I didn’t want to be a supervisor also because I was afraid I’d be unable to do actual work and be dismissed again, and I feared my pride would suffer another blow. To avoid being looked down on, I kept wanting to refuse this duty. I was constantly considering my reputation and status, without the slightest thought for the church’s work. I was truly selfish, despicable, and lacking in humanity! A person who possesses humanity, when faced with a duty, won’t care whether this duty can bring them prestige or what difficulties they might face. As long as it is something the church’s work requires, they will rely on God and do everything they can to do their part. But I always wallowed in concerns for reputation and status, and as soon as I encountered some setbacks or failures in my duty, I’d sink into a despondent state. I always wanted to refuse and shirk my duty. In this, was I not opposing God? I saw that pursuing status and fame would only lead me to resist God and offend His disposition, and that in this, I was walking the path of an antichrist. If I kept pursuing reputation and status, I would never do my duty well, and I would only be loathed and eliminated by God. Realizing all this, I prayed to God, “God, my heart is too consumed with status and fame. I don’t want to rebel against You any longer. No matter what my caliber is, I’m willing to do all I can to fulfill my duty well, so that Your heart may be comforted.”

In my seeking, I discovered that I’d always harbored a mistaken view. I thought that to be a supervisor, one had to possess good caliber and work efficiently; otherwise, one wasn’t qualified to be a supervisor. But I’d never sought in regard to whether this view of mine was actually correct. Later, I read God’s words: “Looking at it from the perspective of the overall work of God’s house, of course, if there were more people with good caliber, church work would indeed be easier. However, there is a premise: In God’s house, God is doing His own work, and people do not play a decisive role. Therefore, whether people’s caliber is good, average, or poor does not determine the results of God’s work. The ultimate results to be achieved are accomplished by God. Everything is led by God; everything is the work of the Holy Spirit” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). “Regardless of whether your caliber is high or low and regardless of how much talent you have, if your corrupt dispositions are not resolved, then no matter what position you are placed in, you will not be fit for use. Conversely, if your caliber and abilities are limited, but you understand various truth principles, including the truth principles you should understand and grasp within the scope of your work, and your corrupt dispositions have been resolved, then you will be a person fit for use” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). “The ability to perform one’s duty well is not solely dependent on a person’s caliber, but principally on their attitude toward their duty, their character, whether their humanity is good or bad, and whether they are able to accept the truth. These are the root issues. Whether your heart is in your duty, whether you’re doing your best and acting wholeheartedly, whether you have a serious and conscientious attitude toward performing your duty, whether you are earnest and work hard: these are the things God looks at, and God scrutinizes everyone” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). God’s words made me realize that my view didn’t conform to the truth at all, that any work in God’s house is done by God Himself, and that a person’s caliber does not determine everything. Whether we can do our duty well mainly depends on our attitude toward the duty, whether we have a conscientious and responsible heart, and whether we can act according to truth principles. If a person has gifts and caliber, but they have no sense of burden or responsibility toward their duty, and when brothers and sisters point out their problems, they refuse to accept them and don’t reflect on or analyze them, then even if they have gifts and caliber, they cannot do their duty well, and God will not bless or guide them. On the contrary, if a person has average caliber but their heart is in the right place, and they do their duty diligently and responsibly, and when brothers and sisters point out their deviations and shortcomings they can accept and correct these things, then they can still achieve some results in their duty. I thought of a sister I once knew. Her caliber was average, but after being elected as a leader, she had a sense of burden in her duty, did her work conscientiously and pragmatically, and achieved relatively good results in her duty, and later, she was promoted to take on greater work. There was also a sister who cooperated with me before, who had good caliber, but when the leader pointed out problems and deviations in her work, she not only refused to accept them but also argued back and refused to submit. As a result, she lost the work of the Holy Spirit, was unable to see through any problems, and attained no results in her duty, and eventually, she was dismissed. From these facts, I saw that whether one can do their duty well is not decisively determined by their caliber, and that the key lies in whether they can accept the truth, and in their attitude toward their duty.

I later read more of God’s words: “The caliber, gifts, and talents God has given you are already sufficient—it’s just that you are not satisfied, not devoted to your duty, never knowing your place, always wanting to spout high-sounding ideas and show off, ultimately making a mess of your duties. You haven’t brought into play the caliber, gifts, and talents given to you by God, you have not made a full effort, and you have not achieved any results. Although you may be quite busy, God says you are like a buffoon, not a person who knows their place and is focused on their proper tasks. God does not like such people. Therefore, no matter what your plans and goals are, if you ultimately don’t come to do your duty according to the principles required by God with all your heart, all your mind, and all your strength, on the basis of the inherent caliber, gifts, talents, abilities, and other conditions that God has given you, then God will not remember what you have done, and you will not be doing your duty, but rather, you will be doing evil” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). “First, make the absolute most of the inherent and existing gifts, abilities, and strengths that God has given you, as well as the technical or professional skills that you are able to attain and achieve, and don’t hold back. If you have come to satisfy God in terms of all these things and you feel that you can still reach greater heights, then take a look at which technical or professional skills you can improve or make a breakthrough in, within the scope of what your caliber can achieve. You can continue to learn and improve based on what you can attain with your own caliber. … if you can do your duty with all your heart, all your strength, and all your mind, to the best of your ability, and you have a sincere heart, then you are as precious as gold before God. If you cannot pay a price and lack loyalty in doing your duty, then even if your innate conditions are better than those of the average person, you are not precious before God, you are not even worth a grain of sand” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). God’s words made me understand that no matter what caliber a person has, as long as they do their duty with all their strength and mind, and they have a sincere heart, such a person is more precious than gold in God’s eyes. The caliber God has given me was actually sufficient, and I could also comprehend some principles regarding the text-based work, and normally, it wasn’t as if I had no path at all when following up on work. The issue was that I had just never been able to treat my shortcomings properly, I’d always compared myself with those with better caliber and gifts, and I’d never focused my heart on how to do my duty well. Now that I was doing the duty of a supervisor again, I would deeply cherish this duty and do it with all my heart and mind. I couldn’t treat it negatively any longer.

With my attitude having changed, the next time I did my duty, I prayed for God to keep my heart calm before Him. When carefully reviewing sermons, I was able to find some problems, and I could gain some benefits studying professional skills together with my brothers and sisters. When deviations and problems appeared in the work, exposing many of my shortcomings, I would still feel ashamed and somewhat negative, and even think about retreating, and at such times, I would think of my past failures. Before, I’d always wallowed in concerns for pride and status, and when problems appeared I wasn’t proactive in analyzing deviations and shortcomings, always feeling negative and retreating, and as a result, I lost the work of the Holy Spirit. I didn’t want to fall into a despondent state again, so I prayed to God, asking Him to help me come out of negativity. At the same time, I also opened up about my state to the leaders and my brothers and sisters, and they all fellowshipped with me and encouraged me. The leaders also helped and supported me, pointing out problems in how I was doing my duty. I pondered how these problems were caused, and found that some were caused by my perfunctory attitude, and that some had come about because I didn’t grasp principles, so I analyzed and corrected these problems. Sometimes, when there were too many things for me to handle, the leaders would write to me and help me learn to prioritize, and after arranging my time reasonably this way, I became able to do my duty normally. After a while, the results in the text-based work improved somewhat. Now I have been a supervisor for more than half a year, and though I have many shortcomings and insufficiencies, and there are still many problems in the work, through what I experienced this time, I truly feel that the work in God’s house is maintained by the Holy Spirit. When I let go of personal interests and do my duty diligently, I can receive the work and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and I can also achieve some results in my duty. Thank God!