By Chaoyue, China

When I was young, I loved listening to accordion performances. Back in middle school, there was a girl in our class who could play the accordion very professionally, and she would perform on stage at every school arts event. The teachers liked her, and our classmates thought highly of her, and she was later recruited by the military district’s dance troupe. Seeing her become so successful, I was really envious, and so I wished that one day, I too could be highly regarded like her. How glorious that would be! But because my family was poor and my parents didn’t have the money to let me learn the accordion, I had to give this up. Later, I focused on my studies. I thought to myself, “I’ve got to study hard, get into college, and get a good job in the future; that way, I too can be successful, right?” But that happened to be during the Cultural Revolution, and the college entrance exam system was abolished, and so after finishing middle school, I went to work in a factory. Later, the country restored the college entrance exam policy, and one by one, college graduates were assigned to our unit. I envied how they were valued by the leadership. I thought about how I had low education and no skills, so I was therefore at the bottom of society, and no one cared about me, and I couldn’t help but feel sad.

After getting married, I had a child, and as I saw my son learning to speak, I began to hope again, and I placed all the dreams I hadn’t been able to fulfill on him. I thought, “I must properly cultivate him, so that he not only excels academically, but also develops in other areas and is multi-talented, so in the future he’ll get into college, and then become a civil servant. Then everyone will give their approval and praise my son as a real success. How glorious that would be for me!” In order to cultivate him to be successful, I enrolled him in an English class when he was in the kindergarten’s senior class. Because he was so young, he couldn’t really understand all that well, so he couldn’t answer when the teacher asked questions, and it was so hard for him that he’d cry. I thought to myself, “If he can’t keep up now, he won’t be able to keep up in the future, and it will be impossible for him to be successful.” Feeling that I was out of options, when my son was 6 years old, I quit my job, and I accompanied him to learn English. I wrote down every lesson the teacher taught, and after getting home, I used every available moment to quiz him over and over. Even during playtime, I wouldn’t let him off the hook, and before bed, I would quiz him on everyday expressions and make him memorize a few words. After a while, I saw my son’s English level improve steadily. He became able to respond fluently to the teacher’s questions, his exam scores were consistently high, and the teacher liked him a lot. So I became even more confident, believing that my son would be sure to succeed in the future. In the blink of an eye, my son started elementary school. I bought practice books for him at the bookstore. This way, after school, he had to do the exercises I’d bought in addition to the practice exercises the school provided. Every day, he was kept busy until after 10 p.m. My husband couldn’t stand it and scolded me, “It’s so late, and you’re not letting him sleep. Won’t he get sleepy in his daytime classes?” I gave him a glance and rebuked him inwardly, “What do you know? If he doesn’t study now, won’t he end up at the bottom of society like you when he grows up?” When my son was in second grade, I eagerly started to cultivate a special skill in him, having him learn the clarinet. To train his thinking abilities, I also enrolled him in Math Olympiad classes. I thought that even if he wasn’t good at academics, having a special skill would surely help him get a foothold in society in the future, right? Later, because of my son’s schooling and steadily increasing study costs, our family’s money was no longer enough. So I opened a nursing home while taking care of him. This way, not only was the issue of tuition fees solved, but I also had more control over my time, and I could also take care of my son and help him study better.

After my son entered middle school, his grades were top in the class at first. But then, unexpectedly, the teacher called me to the school one day. She said, “Your son has been going to the arcade during lunch break to play games, he’s not attending any of his weekend tutoring sessions, and his grades are dropping rapidly.” Then she showed me his report card. I saw that among his subjects, the highest score was around sixty, and the rest were all failing. In an instant, my vision blurred, I couldn’t see anything, my mind went blank, and I didn’t hear a word the teacher said after that. Holding the report card, I returned home feeling weak. As soon as I walked through the door, I charged at my son with a stick as if I’d gone mad, but the elderly people in the nursing home held me back. I cried as I said, “You think all these years have been easy on me? I started the nursing home to provide you with better study conditions. I work 24 hours a day every day with no rest. I’ve endured all this hardship to earn more money for your schooling to help you gain a foothold in society in the future. Now look at you, you’ve been secretly playing games behind my back, and your grades have plummeted. At this rate, what kind of future will you have?” The more I said, the angrier I became. My son, seeing how heated I was getting, got scared and quickly said, “Mom, please don’t be angry. I was wrong! I just thought studying was too tiring and wanted to play for a bit. I’ll study hard from now on!” From then on, he began to work hard in his studies, and eventually, he got into a prestigious high school. Later, because I was so busy with the nursing home business, and I couldn’t always focus on him, he stopped studying properly again, and he’d secretly play on his phone all day under the covers. I worried that he wouldn’t get into a good college, so I spent over a hundred thousand yuan on sending gifts all over to work on connections in the hopes of getting him into a military academy, because this academy had a music program and my son had his skills as a clarinet player, which he could use in the future. But as a result, his scores weren’t good enough for him to get in, and the money was wasted. In the end, he barely got into a regular third-tier college. Thinking that all those years of hard work seemed to have been for nothing, I was so upset that I couldn’t even sleep that night. When relatives and neighbors asked me about my child’s college admission, I didn’t even know how to respond. I was afraid they’d laugh at how he ended up in such a mediocre school. I’d put so much effort into cultivating my child to succeed, and I’d even given up my job, but in the end, this was the result. From then on, my life lost direction, every day was dull and aimless, and I had no energy to do anything. I felt utterly worthless. Thinking about all this made me cry, and I felt so much pain inside.

In October 2012, I accepted God’s work of the last days. Later, I shared my pain with a sister, and she read me God’s words: “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite man always rushing and busying himself on his own behalf, he remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a created being? … The destination of man is in the hands of the Creator, so how could man control himself?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). The sister said, “The fate a person has in life is already predetermined by God, and humans have no say in it. You put in so much effort and paid such a price for your son’s sake, all in the hopes of helping him learn more and develop talents so that he could get into a good college, stand out, gain others’ admiration, and so that he’d achieve the aspirations you didn’t fulfill when you were young. For this, both you and your child worked so unbearably hard, but in the end, your wishes were still not fulfilled.” Listening to the sister’s fellowship, I sighed deeply, and I finally understood that a person’s fate is in God’s hands, and humans cannot control their own fate. The kind of college my child would get into and what his fate holds are all in God’s hands and are not things I can change through my own efforts. I can’t even control my own fate, so how could I control my son’s? Realizing this, I no longer felt pained over my son not getting into a good college.

In 2015, my son graduated from college. He’d majored in law, spoke fluent English, and had even passed the Grade 10 clarinet exam. I thought with reassured confidence that with three areas of expertise, he should be able to find a decent job. But what I didn’t expect was that after graduation, he didn’t look for a job and spent all his time playing games at home. Seeing him like this, my heart ached. I thought, “I have put my blood, sweat and tears into cultivating him, and now he is just playing games at home every day. Is this it? What future does he have?” When the neighbor asked me, “Where is your son working after graduation?” I didn’t even know how to answer. I thought that if people found out, it would be so embarrassing! Later, he did go out and look for a job, and I thought he would make a name for himself and make me proud. But unexpectedly, he didn’t like the low pay and the criticism from his boss, and so he came back after a few months. When he came back, he started working as a professional gamer at home. Seeing him like this, I was so angry, thinking, “I spent so much money and put my blood, sweat, and tears into cultivating you, but in the end, you want to make a living by playing games? How can you be so lacking in ambition? Even though this job could earn you some money, it doesn’t sound respectable! When people ask you what you do, you’ll say, ‘I play games at home.’ Who wouldn’t look down on you?” My son made me so angry that I couldn’t even muster up the energy to do anything. I’d just walk around with a long face, not wanting to even talk to him. In this way, two or three years flew by, and no matter how much I tried to persuade him, he still had no intention of going out to look for a job. I was so disappointed, and I thought that he was utterly hopeless and that he’d never amount to anything. Whenever I thought about these things regarding him, I’d feel so much pain and just couldn’t calm down, and I’d lose the desire to read God’s word. I prayed to God, “God, it’s been two or three years since my son graduated from college, and he still hasn’t gotten a job. He won’t listen to anything I say. Is he just going to become a good-for-nothing? I’m in so much pain. God, I don’t know what to do; please guide me and show me the way.”

After praying, I remembered a passage of God’s words I had read before. Almighty God says: “When one leaves one’s parents and becomes independent, the social conditions one faces, and the kind of work and career available to one are both decreed by fate and have nothing to do with one’s parents. Some people choose a good major in college and end up finding a satisfactory job after graduation, making a triumphant first stride in the journey of their lives. Some people learn and master many different skills and yet never find a job that suits them or never find their position, much less have a career; at the outset of their life journey, they find themselves thwarted at every turn, beset by troubles, their prospects dismal and their lives uncertain. Some people apply themselves diligently to their studies, yet narrowly miss every chance to receive a higher education; they seem fated never to achieve success, their very first aspiration in the journey of their lives having dissolved into thin air. Not knowing whether the road ahead is smooth or rocky, they feel for the first time how full of variables human destiny is, and so regard life with expectation and dread. Some people, despite not being very well educated, write books and achieve a measure of fame; some, though almost totally illiterate, make money in business and are thereby able to support themselves…. What occupation one chooses, how one makes a living: do people have any control over whether they make a good choice or a bad choice in these things? Do these things accord with people’s desires and decisions? Most people have the following wishes: to work less and earn more, not to toil in the sun and rain, to dress well, to glow and shine everywhere, to tower above others, and to bring honor to their ancestors. People hope for perfection, but when they take their first steps in the journey of their lives, they gradually come to realize how imperfect human destiny is, and for the first time they truly grasp the fact that, though one can make bold plans for one’s future and though one may harbor audacious fantasies, no one has the ability or the power to realize their own dreams, and no one is in a position to control their own future. There will always be some distance between one’s dreams and the realities that one must confront; things are never as one would like them to be, and faced with such realities, people can never achieve satisfaction or contentment. Some people will go to any length imaginable, will put forth great efforts and make great sacrifices for the sake of their livelihoods and future, in an attempt to change their own fate. But in the end, even if they can realize their dreams and desires by means of their own hard work, they can never change their fates, and no matter how doggedly they try, they can never exceed what destiny has allotted them. Regardless of differences in ability, intelligence, and willpower, people are all equal before fate, which does not distinguish between the great and the small, the high and the low, the exalted and the mean. What occupation one pursues, what one does for a living, and how much wealth one amasses in life are not decided by one’s parents, one’s talents, one’s efforts or one’s ambitions, but are predetermined by the Creator” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). As I pondered God’s words, I understood that the occupation a person engages in throughout their life is not something they can control, and that God has already predetermined this from the moment they are born. Thinking about my son, from the time he was in the senior class of the kindergarten, I started cultivating him to learn English, and he began learning the clarinet in second grade. By the time he graduated from high school, his English had reached level 6, he had passed the tenth level of clarinet, and he majored in law at college. I thought that after graduation, he could become a lawyer or a specialist teacher based on the major and skills he’d studied, but in the end, it was all wasted effort and he didn’t end up doing any of those things. Instead, he stayed home playing games all day, even making it his occupation. I realized that the occupation one engages in cannot be changed by one’s efforts or plans, nor can it be decided by parents. It all depends on the Creator’s predeterminations. Realizing this, my heart found peace. As for when my son would go out to work, I no longer had any demands, and I became willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements.

My son stayed home for 9 years after graduating from college, making his living as a professional gamer. One time, I was having dinner with my younger sister’s family. They mentioned how my older sister’s daughter had taken out a loan of over a million to buy an excavator, but she didn’t earn any money from it and couldn’t repay the loan. I couldn’t help but say, “This kid’s really bold, investing so much; that’s got to be worrying!” My brother-in-law snapped back, “Just worry about your own family. Your kid’s already an adult, and he’s still got no job or partner.” Hearing my brother-in-law, I felt so embarrassed. I thought, “If my son had gone out to find a good job, would I have to put up with this kind of criticism from others?” In particular, since my younger sister’s son-in-law was working in a prosecutor’s office, every time we’d have dinner together, he’d barely even glance at my son, and he was obviously full of disdain for him. In my heart, I was angry at my son for being such a disappointment. When I’d come home and look at my son, I’d feel suffocated, and I’d think about how he had no future at all.

Later, I pondered this matter. Whenever I saw him, I felt suffocated; what problem was causing this? In my seeking, I read God’s words: “During the process of man’s learning of knowledge, Satan employs all manner of methods, whether it be telling stories, simply giving them some individual piece of knowledge, or allowing them to satisfy their desires or ambitions. What road does Satan want to lead you down? People think there is nothing wrong with learning knowledge, that it is entirely natural. To put it in a way that sounds appealing, to foster lofty ideals or to have ambitions is to have drive, and this should be the right path in life. Is it not a more glorious way for people to live if they can realize their own ideals, or successfully establish a career? By doing these things, one can not only honor one’s ancestors but also has the chance to leave one’s mark on history—is this not a good thing? This is a good thing in the eyes of worldly people, and to them it should be proper and positive. Does Satan, however, with its sinister motives, take people on to this kind of road and that’s all there is to it? Of course not. In fact, no matter how lofty man’s ideals are, no matter how realistic man’s desires are or how proper they may be, all that man wants to achieve, all that man seeks for, is inextricably linked to two words. These two words are vitally important to the life of every person, and they are things Satan intends to instill in man. What are these two words? They are ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Satan uses a very mild kind of method, a method very much in concert with people’s notions, which is not at all radical, through which it causes people to unknowingly accept its way of living, its rules to live by, and to establish life goals and their direction in life, and unknowingly they also come to have ambitions in life. No matter how grand these life ambitions may seem, they are inextricably linked to ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Everything that any great or famous person—all people, in fact—follow in life relates only to these two words: ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ People think that once they have fame and gain, they can then capitalize on those things to enjoy high status and great wealth, and to enjoy life. They think fame and gain are a kind of capital that they can use to obtain a life of pleasure-seeking and wanton enjoyment of the flesh. For the sake of this fame and gain which mankind so covets, people willingly, albeit unknowingly, hand over their bodies, minds, all that they have, their futures and their destinies, to Satan. They do so genuinely and without even a moment’s hesitation, ever ignorant of the need to recover all that they have handed over. Can people retain any control over themselves once they have taken refuge in Satan in this way and become loyal to it? Certainly not. They are completely and utterly controlled by Satan. They have completely and utterly sunk into a quagmire, and are unable to free themselves” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). After reading God’s words, I realized that the source of my pain was the pursuit of “fame” and “gain.” I lived by poisons instilled by Satan, such as “Stand out above the rest,” “Be a cut above,” and “Bring honor to your ancestors.” I thought that to live was to have a place in society, to have power, influence, and status, to be admired and envied by everyone, and that only by living in this way could life have value. I believed that if a person had no power or influence, and they were looked down upon by everyone, then such a person was living a worthless life. I regarded these views as positive things to pursue. Because I hadn’t had the conditions to fulfill my own desire to stand out and be above others, I placed this hope on my son, and I started early to cultivate his learning and special skills, hoping for his all-around development, and so he’d have a bright future, receive admiration and praise from others, so that when people mentioned him, I could be proud. For this, I endured a lot of hardship, taking my son back and forth between various tutoring classes, causing my son to endure hardship and lose the joy of childhood that he should have had. After my son entered middle school, he began to resist this high-pressure education, secretly using the money I was giving him for tutoring to play games, and his grades plummeted. Seeing him not studying hard, I even wanted to beat him. Later, I spent a lot of money and tried to work on connections to get him into a military academy, but things didn’t turn out as I wished. After my son graduated from college, he didn’t get a good job and ended up working in the gaming world. I suffered because of this, resenting my son for being a disappointment, and I didn’t want to even talk to him. I was bound hand and foot by fame and gain, spending my days living for these things, constantly thinking about how to make my son stand out. I didn’t have any inclination to quiet my heart and eat and drink God’s words, nor did I ponder how to pursue the truth or how to do my duty well. In the end, I not only suffered, but I also brought harm upon my son. I finally saw clearly that my pursuit of fame, gain, and standing out was falling for Satan’s scheme. My son’s fate is in God’s hands, but I wanted to control it; wasn’t this in opposition to God? Continuing this way would only make me drift further from God, and cause me to be loathed and eliminated by Him.

Later, I also sought on how parents should treat their children correctly. One day, I read God’s words: “Regardless of how capable one’s adult children are, what their caliber is like, what kind of status they have in society, or what their income may be, this is the fate that God has set for them—it is under God’s sovereignty. Parents should not interfere with what kind of lives their children live, unless they are not walking the right path, or they are breaking the law, in which case parents should discipline them strictly. But, under normal circumstances, where these adults are in their right minds, and have the ability to live and survive independently, their parents should back off, because their children are already adults. If their children have just become adults, and they are 20 or 21 years old, and they still don’t know about the various complex situations in society, or how to conduct themselves in life, and they don’t understand how to socialize, and they have poor survival skills, then these parents should give them some appropriate assistance, enabling them to gradually transition to the point where they can live independently. This is called fulfilling their responsibility. But as soon as they have put their children on the right track, and their children have the ability to survive independently, these parents should withdraw. They shouldn’t continue to treat their children as though they are not yet adults, or as though they are mentally deficient. They shouldn’t have any unrealistic expectations of their children, or interfere with their children’s private lives or their attitudes, viewpoints, and actions regarding work, family, marriage, people, and events, under the guise of having any expectations for them. If they do any of those things, they are not fulfilling their responsibilities” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (18)). After reading God’s words, I understood how one should treat their children according to truth principles. It is parents’ responsibility and obligation to care for their children’s daily lives when they are underage, and to teach them how to conduct themselves and walk the right path. Once children reach adulthood, they can be let go, and parents should allow them to choose what they want to do. If they encounter difficulties, parents can help resolve them. My son is now an adult, and he has his own thoughts and the ability to live independently, so I should give him the freedom to choose his own life path. Thinking back, I saw that I forced my own wishes onto him, pushing him to study hard so that he could stand out. When it came to choosing a career for him, I ignored his wishes and insisted that he find a respectable job. On the surface, it seemed like I was fulfilling my parental responsibilities and doing what was best for him, but in reality, my actions were to gain honor for myself. To fulfill my own desires and gain others’ admiration, I never considered what my son thought, and I imposed my own wishful thinking upon him, interfering with his life. Looking at all I’d done to him, in what way was I fulfilling my parental responsibility? Everything I did was for my own satisfaction. I was truly selfish! I understood that my views were wrong, that I hadn’t understood God’s sovereignty or truly submitted, and that the occupation my son chooses in his life is entirely within God’s predeterminations. I’d always tried to manipulate and arrange things, trying to change him through my own efforts. I’d been truly arrogant and lacking in reason! Then I knew how to treat my son. No matter what career he chooses, as long as he is not doing anything illegal and can support himself, I should let go and allow him to make his own choices.

I then read more of God’s words: “No parent wishes to see their children become beggars. But even so, they don’t have to insist that their children rise up in the world and become high officials or prominent people in the upper class of society. What’s good about being in the upper class of society? What’s good about rising up in the world? Those are quagmires, they are not good things. Is it a good thing to become a celebrity, a great figure, a superman, or a person with position and status? Life is the most comfortable as an ordinary person. What’s wrong with living a slightly poorer, harder, tiring life, with slightly worse food and clothes? At the very least, one thing is guaranteed, since you do not live among the social trends of society’s upper class, you will, at least, sin less and do fewer things to resist God. As an ordinary person, you won’t face such great or frequent temptation. Though your life will be a bit tougher, at least you won’t be tired in your spirit. Think about it, as a worker, all you need to worry about is making sure that you can eat three meals a day. It’s different when you’re an official. You have to fight, and you won’t know when the day will come that your position is no longer secure. And that won’t be the end of it, the people you’ve offended will seek you out to settle scores, and you will be punished by them. Life is very tiring for celebrities, great people, and wealthy people. Wealthy people are always afraid that they won’t be so wealthy in the future, and that they won’t be able to go on if that happens. Celebrities always worry that their halos will disappear, and they always want to protect their halos, fearing that they will be eliminated by this era and the trends. Their lives are so tiring! Parents never see through to these things, and always want to push their children into the heart of this struggle, sending them into these lion’s dens and quagmires” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (18)). God dissects that people’s aspirations and hopes are all to become celebrities and great people and to pursue high status and surpass others, and that such a perspective behind their pursuits is not good and will lead people into a quagmire. Look at how the world today is filled with all kinds of temptations—money, status, power, pornography…. These temptations are like traps, and most people cannot escape them. I thought about people working in government offices, like my older sister and my younger sister’s son-in-law, who were both civil servants. On the surface, they presented an impressive facade in their impeccable suits, but when talking to them, I could tell that they were spending their days running themselves ragged. To get promotions and raises, and to gain their superiors’ favor, they had to wine and dine them and give gifts; to accompany their superiors to drinking parties, they drank themselves into a stupor every single day, which seriously affected their health. Among colleagues, people scheme and backstab to outperform one another, and often, they’re confronted with all kinds of sexual temptations that tear apart their families. I hadn’t been able to see through these things, instead insisting on pushing my son toward so-called “high society.” Was I not sending my son straight into Satan’s quagmire? I was truly blind and foolish! No matter what occupation he chooses, as long as he can get three meals a day and maintain a normal life, that’s enough. I also realized that a parent’s responsibility is to guide their child onto the right path, so I preached the gospel to him. Although he didn’t accept it, he didn’t oppose it either, and when brothers and sisters would come to our house for gatherings, he’d even help out with maintaining the environment. When I truly let go of my expectations for my son, not only did I find myself living more at ease, but he was also happy.

If it weren’t for the guidance of God’s words, I would still be living in the abject misery caused by fame and gain. Thank God for enabling me to discern Satan’s corrupting methods and to no longer be bound or harmed by it.