By Julia, Poland

At the beginning of 2021, I accepted the work of Almighty God in the last days. I actively attended meetings and read God’s word, and after more than two months, I was elected as a watering deacon. We had a deacon meeting every weekend to discuss the problems and difficulties we encountered in our duties and fellowship on what we gained, what corruption we exposed, and how we reflected and understood it through God’s word. Before every meeting, I was very nervous and would think for a long time, because I didn’t know what to say to the church leaders and other deacons. I worried about speaking out about my corruption and shortcomings, because I feared they would have a bad opinion of me. For example: I had just started watering newcomers. I didn’t know many things, and I lacked experience. I worried that the newcomers wouldn’t like me and would think I couldn’t water them well, so I didn’t want this duty anymore. But I didn’t want to open up about my state at the deacon meeting, because I worried that if I did, my brothers and sisters would think I lacked the ability to fellowship with new believers. Also, I was impatient with some newcomers, and I didn’t want to say it, because I worried if I mentioned it at the meeting, they would think I had bad humanity. But if I didn’t say anything, they might think I was less capable than others. I didn’t want to embarrass myself or make them look down on me. After thinking about it, I finally decided just to tell them about something unimportant and not too embarrassing, such as that I was lazy, which is a problem most people have. That way, I wouldn’t appear inferior to others.

And so, at the meeting, a church leader asked about my experiences during this time, and what knowledge I gained of my corrupt dispositions, and I fellowshiped as I had planned. When I finished, I breathed a sigh of relief, but I felt uneasy, knowing I hadn’t told the truth, and that what I did went against God’s intentions. I thought of the Lord Jesus’ words: “Let your communication be, Yes, yes; No, no: for whatever is more than these comes of evil” (Matthew 5:37). “Truly I say to you, Except you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). Thinking of what God says, I felt very guilty. Lies come from Satan, and are evil. God loves honest people, and only honest people can enter the kingdom of heaven. Liars and hypocrites cannot enter God’s kingdom. Such people are hated by God, and they will definitely be eliminated by God in the end. I was very upset, and I was afraid of being spurned by God. I prayed to God and asked Him to guide me in being an honest person. I made up my mind to tell the truth at the next meeting and open up about my corruption. But when the time came, I still didn’t have the courage to say it. I was worried that if I spoke about my corruption and shortcomings, my brothers and sisters would think that I was more corrupt than them. I felt like it was too hard to tell the truth and even wanted to stop attending the deacon meetings for that reason. But I was worried my brothers and sisters would ask me why I didn’t come, and then I would have no idea what to say. The more I thought, the more conflicted and miserable I felt. I didn’t know what to do. At one meeting, the brothers and sisters fellowshiped on their experiences and knowledge as usual, and I didn’t know what to say at all, so I just listened silently. I was disappointed in myself, I always disguised myself and failed to practice the truth time and again. I couldn’t even speak an honest word. I felt miserable, so I prayed to God, asking Him to lead me out of this state.

Later, I read this passage of God’s word: “You must seek the truth to resolve any problem that arises, no matter what it is, and by no means disguise yourself or put on a false face for others. Your shortcomings, your deficiencies, your faults, your corrupt dispositions—be completely open about them all, and fellowship about them all. Do not keep them inside. Learning how to open yourself up is the first step toward life entry, and it is the first hurdle, which is the most difficult to overcome. Once you have overcome it, entering the truth is easy. What does taking this step signify? It means that you are opening your heart and showing everything you have, good or bad, positive or negative; baring yourself for others and for God to see; hiding nothing from God, concealing nothing, disguising nothing, free of deceit and trickery, and being likewise open and honest with other people. In this way, you live in the light, and not only will God scrutinize you, but other people will also be able to see that you act with principle and a degree of transparency. You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to cover up or disguise your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, you will be very relaxed, you will live without constraints or pain, and you will live entirely in the light” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). I understood from God’s word that we should never cover up for our own corrupt states. We should bring them before God and pray, reflect, try to understand ourselves, as well as open our hearts to expose our corruption to our brothers and sisters to seek the truth. This will help us better understand ourselves and resolve our corrupt dispositions. But, to maintain my face, I was unwilling to open up about my corruption and difficulties, nor did I want to seek the truth with my brothers and sisters. I always kept my heart closed so that no one could see through me, but I found no release living in the dark. I realized I couldn’t go on like this anymore, and that I should practice the word of God, open up about my state to my brothers and sisters, and seek their help. Just after the meeting ended, a sister approached me to talk about her recent experience. I thought this was a good chance to open up and seek the truth, but I was still a little embarrassed, because I didn’t know what she would think of me. I worried she would say I was a very dishonest person. So, I prayed to God, “God, I don’t want to conceal myself anymore. I don’t want to hide my true thoughts anymore. I’m very tired. God, I want to be an honest person, so please guide me.” After I prayed, I told my sister all the things I didn’t dare open up about in the meeting. After I finished speaking, I felt very relieved. The sister shared her understanding with me, and sent me a passage of God’s words: “The main characteristic of a deceitful person is that they never open their heart to fellowship with anyone, and they do not speak their heart even to their best friend. They are extraordinarily inscrutable. In fact, such a person may not necessarily be old, or have seen much of the world, and may even have little experience, yet they are extremely inscrutable. They are very cunning for their age. Is this not a deceitful person by nature? They hide themselves so deeply that no one can see through them. No matter how many words they speak, it is difficult to tell which are true and which are false, and no one knows when they are telling the truth or when they are lying. In addition, they are especially skilled at disguise and sophistry. They often hide the truth by giving people false impressions, so that all people see is their false appearance. They disguise themselves as a lofty, good, virtuous, and guileless person, as a person who is liked and approved of, and in the end, everyone worships them and looks up to them. No matter how long you spend with such a person, you never know what they are thinking. Their views and attitudes toward all manner of people, events, and things are hidden in their heart. They never tell these things to anyone. They never fellowship on these things even to their closest confidant. Even when they pray to God, they may not confide what is in their heart or the truth about them. Not only that, they try to disguise themselves as a person with good humanity, who is very spiritual and dedicated to pursuing the truth. No one can see what kind of disposition they have and what kind of person they are” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Fifteen: They Do Not Believe in the Existence of God, and They Deny the Essence of Christ (Part One)). From God’s word, I realized deceitful people don’t speak from the heart with others, nor do they open up about their true state with others. Instead, they often conceal and disguise themselves. I saw that I was exactly as God revealed. Since becoming a watering deacon, I saw that I had many deficiencies, and that I also exposed many corrupt dispositions, and I had no love and patience for newcomers. I needed to open my heart and seek solutions to these problems with my brothers and sisters. But I worried that if I told the truth, they would look down on me and find me inferior, so I didn’t want to tell them my real state. I avoided the important things and told them things that didn’t matter, or problems I felt many people had. I did this to hide my dark side and my innermost thoughts. To make others have a good opinion of me, I disguised myself and gave a false impression. I was deceiving my brothers and sisters. I was so deceitful and hypocritical!

Later, my sister sent me another passage of God’s words: “In reality, people all know why they lie. For the sake of personal gain and pride, or for vanity and status, they try to compete with others and pass themselves off as something that they’re not. However, their lies are eventually revealed and exposed by others, and they end up losing face, as well as their dignity and character. This is all caused by an excessive amount of lies. Your lies have become too numerous. Every word you say is adulterated and insincere, and not a single one can be considered true or honest. Even though you don’t feel that you’ve lost face when you tell lies, deep down, you feel disgraced. Your conscience blames you, and you hold a low opinion of yourself, thinking, ‘Why am I living such a pitiful life? Is it so difficult to speak the truth? Must I resort to lies for the sake of my pride? Why is my life so exhausting?’ You don’t have to live an exhausting life. If you can practice being an honest person, you will be able to live a relaxed, free, and liberated life. However, you have chosen to uphold your pride and vanity by telling lies. Consequently, you live a tiresome and miserable existence, which is self-inflicted. One may gain a sense of pride by telling lies, but what is that sense of pride? It is just an empty thing, and it is completely worthless. Telling lies means selling out one’s character and dignity. It strips away one’s dignity and one’s character; it displeases God, and He detests it. Is this worthwhile? It is not. … If you are someone who loves the truth, you will endure various hardships in order to practice the truth. Even if it means sacrificing your reputation, status, and enduring ridicule and humiliation from others, you won’t mind—as long as you are able to practice the truth and satisfy God, it is enough. Those who love the truth choose to practice it and be honest. This is the correct path and it is blessed by God. If a person does not love the truth, what do they choose? They choose to use lies to uphold their reputation, status, dignity, and character. They would rather be deceitful, and be detested and rejected by God. Such people reject the truth and reject God. They choose their own reputation and status; they want to be deceitful. They do not care about whether God is pleased or if He will save them. Can such people still be saved by God? Certainly not, because they have chosen the wrong path. They can only live by lying and cheating; they can only live painful lives of telling lies and covering them up and racking their brains to defend themselves every day. If you think that lies can uphold the reputation, status, vanity, and pride you desire, you are completely mistaken. In reality, by telling lies, not only do you fail to maintain your vanity and pride, and your dignity and character, more grievously, you miss the opportunity to practice the truth and be an honest person. Even if you manage to protect your reputation, status, vanity, and pride at that moment, you have sacrificed the truth and betrayed God. This means you have completely lost your chance for Him to save and perfect you, which is the greatest loss and a lifelong regret. Those who are deceitful will never understand this” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only an Honest Person Can Live Out True Human Likeness). After reading God’s word, I reflected on myself. To maintain my face and status and avoid being looked down on by others, before every meeting, I racked my brains to figure out how to fellowship during the meeting. If I opened up about my real state, I feared my brothers and sisters would have a bad impression of me. But if I said nothing, I also worried my brothers and sisters would think I was bad and look down on me. In desperation, I wanted to escape this situation. I saw that to maintain my face and status, I was racking my brain and preferred making myself miserable over opening up, being an honest person, and telling my brothers and sisters my real state and difficulties. I really was so deceitful! Although I maintained my image in people’s minds for a while, I lost my dignity, my chance to be an honest person, and my chance to seek the truth. I felt so tired at each meeting, and there was no sense of release at all. I was completely in bondage to my corrupt disposition. Brothers and sisters are meant to eat and drink God’s word at meetings, and fellowship on their experience and knowledge of God’s word. If we have problems or difficulties, we can discuss them and resolve them together, and learn from each other’s strengths. This way, it’s easy to obtain the work of the Holy Spirit and understand the truth. But at meetings, I always thought about what to say so I wouldn’t be looked down on, so people would have a good opinion of me. All of my thoughts were devoted to this. It was too hard and tiring to live this way.

Later, I read this in God’s word: “Are you able to open up and say what’s really in your heart when fellowshipping with others? If someone always says what’s truly in their heart, if they speak honestly, if they speak plainly, if they are sincere, and not at all perfunctory while performing their duty, and if they can practice the truth they understand, then this person has a hope of gaining the truth. If a person always covers themselves up and conceals their heart so that no one can see them clearly, if they give a false impression to deceive others, then they are in grave danger, they are in great trouble, it will be very difficult for them to gain the truth. You can see from someone’s daily life and their words and actions what their prospects are. If this person is always pretending, always putting on airs, then this person is not someone who accepts the truth, and they will be revealed and eliminated sooner or later. … People who never open their hearts, who always try to hide and conceal things, who pretend that they are respectable, who want people to think highly of them, who don’t allow others to get a full measure of them, who want people to admire them—are these people not foolish? These people are the most foolish! That’s because the truth about people will be exposed sooner or later. What path do they walk with this kind of comportment? This is the path of the Pharisees. Are hypocrites in danger or not? These are the people God detests the most, so do you think they are in danger or not? All those who are Pharisees walk the road to destruction!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Giving One’s Heart to God, One Can Obtain the Truth). I understood from God’s words that God wants us to be honest people, speak simply and frankly, not lie or deceive, and when we expose corruption, we should be able to open up and talk about it, so that others can see our real thoughts. Living this way isn’t as tiring, and it’s easier to enter into the truth and walk the path of salvation. But those who always disguise themselves, conceal, cover up, and don’t let others see their state, walk the wrong path. They only become more and more hypocritical, and so can never resolve their corrupt dispositions. This is the road to perdition. I thought of the Pharisees two thousand years ago. They were outwardly pious, and spent their days explaining scripture for others in the synagogues. They also deliberately stood at crossroads and prayed to make people think they loved God. But they didn’t fear God at all, honor God as great, or obey God’s commandments. When the Lord Jesus appeared and worked, they clearly knew His words had authority and power, and came from God, but to keep their status and income, they frantically resisted and condemned God and finally crucified the Lord Jesus. I saw that the Pharisees were pious in appearance, but insidious and cunning in essence. They were skilled at disguise and deception. Everything they did was to mislead and control people, and to cheat people of their esteem and worship. The path they walked was one of resisting God. In the end, they were cursed and punished by God. I reflected on myself. To have a good image in the minds of others, I concealed my corruption and only talked about commonplace corruption that I revealed. This not only protected my image, but it made others see me as a simple, open person. Wasn’t I just as deceitful as the Pharisees? This frightened me. I couldn’t do this anymore. I had to be an honest person according to God’s requirements.

After that, my sister sent me another passage of God’s word: “There are now many people who focus on pursuing the truth and are able to seek the truth when things befall them. If you wish to resolve the wrong motives and abnormal states inside you, you must seek the truth to do so. To begin with, you must learn to open yourself up in fellowship based on God’s words. Of course, you should choose the right recipient for open fellowship—at the least, you should choose someone who loves and accepts the truth, someone who has relatively good humanity, who is relatively honest and upright. It would of course be better if you could choose someone who understands the truth, from whose fellowship you may come away having been helped. Finding this sort of person with whom to open yourself up in fellowship and resolve your difficulties can be effective. If you choose the wrong person, someone who does not love the truth, but merely has a gift or talent, they will mock and despise you, and they will degrade you. This would not be to your benefit. In one regard, opening up and unveiling oneself is the approach one should take in coming before God and praying to Him; it is also how one should fellowship about the truth to others. Do not keep things bottled up, thinking, ‘I have motives and difficulties. My inner state is no good—it’s negative. I won’t tell anyone. I’ll just hold it in.’ If you are always holding things in without resolving them, you will grow ever more negative, and your state will sink ever further. You will be unwilling to pray to God. This is a hard thing to reverse. And so, no matter what your state is, regardless of whether you are negative, or in difficulty, regardless of your own personal motivations or plans, no matter what you have come to know or realize through examination, you must learn to open up and fellowship, and as you fellowship, the Holy Spirit works. And how does the Holy Spirit work? He enlightens and illuminates you and allows you to see the severity of the problem, He makes you aware of the root and essence of the problem, then makes you understand the truth and His intentions, little by little, and lets you see the path of practice and enter the truth reality. When a person can fellowship openly, this means that they have an honest attitude toward the truth. Whether a person is honest is measured by their attitude toward the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After I read God’s word, my sister fellowshiped: “To be an honest person, first we have to learn to open our hearts in seeking and fellowship. If we always conceal and cover up our corrupt states, and we don’t want to pray or open up in fellowship with others, it becomes difficult to get our issues resolved. For example, if someone is sick, they will find a doctor or ask someone with experience. That way, they can understand their condition, get the right medicine, and get the disease under control in time. Yet some people conceal their condition, so due to a lack of timely treatment, the condition gets worse, or even becomes life-threatening. If we want to resolve our states and difficulties, we need to fellowship openly and be honest people. This is the correct way to practice.” I could see that being an honest person and opening up ourselves are very important. I hadn’t believed in God long and didn’t understand the truth. Even though I recognized I had exposed a corrupt disposition, I couldn’t resolve it. I should practice being an honest person, open up about my state, and seek the truth. Only in this way could I gain God’s guidance, and it would also help resolve my corrupt disposition. I had just started watering newcomers, so it was normal that I didn’t understand many things. When I didn’t understand, I should open up to seek with my brothers and sisters. That way, I could master the principles of my duty bit by bit and perform my duty well. After that, I told another sister about my state during this period and the difficulties in my duty. She didn’t look down on me, and she sent me God’s word and fellowshiped on her experience to help me. This allowed me to gain some knowledge of my state and the corruption I exposed, and gave me a path of practice. I felt a great sense of happiness and release. From then on, I consciously practiced being an honest person and opening up about my state.

One night, I hosted a group meeting. A church leader arranged for a group leader to host with me. This sister understood the truth better than me. During the meeting, she fellowshiped and resolved others’ problems very effectively, and I was a little jealous. I worried the others would think I was inferior to her. After the meeting, the church leader asked if I had any thoughts to share. I knew I should be an honest person, open up about my corruption, and seek a solution. So, I told her what I had revealed in my heart and then she sent me God’s word and told me about her experience. I realized I was jealous of my sister because I valued status, had an arrogant disposition, and wanted to be looked up to. I also realized that to let go of my jealousy, I had to pray to God more, see the nature and consequences of jealousy, consider the work of the church and my duty, and put the interests of the church first. This is in line with God’s intention. At the same time, I also needed to properly deal with my own shortcomings and deficiencies and learn more from the strengths of others to make up for my shortcomings. That way, I could understand more of the truth. I was very glad to realize this. I truly felt that when I open up to my brothers and sisters, instead of looking down on me, they all help me a lot.

After experiencing it, I feel how important it is to be an honest person. Only by being an honest person and opening up can we receive the work of the Holy Spirit and come to understand the truth. I also see that being an honest person can give us release and freedom, and let us live like humans. Thanks be to God!