By Liu En, China

I began believing in the Lord Jesus at the age of 62. Knowing that the Lord promises His followers entry into the kingdom of heaven and eternal life made me feel like I had hope in this life, and the thought of receiving such a great blessing made my heart sing. I started working hard and expending myself for the Lord, full of boundless energy every day. Three years later, I had the good fortune to accept Almighty God’s work of the last days. I was excited to have welcomed the Lord’s return, and to have hope of being fully saved and entering the kingdom of heaven. So, I started working even harder in my pursuit, sacrificing and expending myself even more, actively preaching the gospel and doing my duty, and even going out to preach the gospel in the evening. The brothers and sisters later elected me as a church leader and then a preacher. Having the chance to do such important duties during my old age made me very happy. I felt especially honored to see that even though I was the oldest one in our gatherings, I could still host gatherings and help others resolve their problems. I figured as long as I worked hard in my pursuit, I could certainly be saved just like the younger folks, so I poured my heart into my duty.

Seven or eight years went by in a flash, and my health and energy weren’t what they used to be. Then I had a stroke when I was 73, but after being on an IV drip for a couple of days, my symptoms practically disappeared without any residual issues. I felt God must have seen that I was willing to expend myself for Him wholeheartedly, so He had blessed and protected me. I was really grateful, and continued on with my duty. However, taking my health into consideration, the leader changed my duty to hosting the other brothers and sisters at home. Knowing there were several duties I wouldn’t be doing anymore, and that I’d just be hosting brothers and sisters at home, left me feeling desolate. I envied all of the younger brothers and sisters, so full of energy and busy with all sorts of duties. I thought, “I’m old and in poor health. I can’t run around now no matter how much I’d like to, and there are many kinds of duties I can’t do anymore. Doesn’t this mean I’m worthless? I wish I could go back 10 or 20 years and do all sorts of different duties just like them. Then my chances of being blessed and gaining salvation would be so much greater! Right now, though, as an old person, I just can’t compare with the younger people.” That thought left me feeling drained, and before I knew it, I was despondent. I also thought back to when I had a stroke and how it’s a disease that tends to recur, so if I had another one someday, that could be the end of me, and I wouldn’t see the day of God’s glory. Then how would I be saved? What was the point of believing in God, then? These were gloomy, despondent thoughts for me. For a while, I couldn’t even read God’s words or listen to hymns. In my misery, I prayed to God, “God! I feel that I have no hope of salvation any longer. I’m so negative and feel sapped of all life. God, I don’t want to distance myself from You. I know I’m not in the right state, but I don’t know how to fix this. Please help guide me out of this incorrect state.”

In order to not be taken over by these negative thoughts, I pushed myself to start reading God’s words again. I read this in God’s words one day: “God’s wish is for every person to be made perfect, to be ultimately gained by Him, to be completely cleansed by Him, and to become people He loves. No matter whether I say you are backward or of poor caliber, this is all fact. My saying this does not prove that I intend to forsake you, that I have lost hope in you, much less that I am unwilling to save you. Today I have come to do the work of your salvation, which is to say that the work I do is a continuation of the work of salvation. Every person has the chance to be made perfect: Provided that you are willing, provided that you pursue, in the end you will be able to achieve this result, and not one of you will be forsaken. If you are of poor caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your poor caliber; if you are of high caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your high caliber; if you are ignorant and illiterate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your illiteracy; if you are literate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with the fact that you are literate; if you are elderly, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your age; if you are capable of providing hospitality, My requirements of you will be in accordance with this capability; if you say you cannot offer hospitality, and can only perform a certain function, whether it be spreading the gospel, or taking care of the church, or attending to other general affairs, My perfection of you will be in accordance with the function that you perform. Being loyal, submitting to the very end, and seeking to have supreme love for God—this is what you must accomplish, and there are no better practices than these three things” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). God’s words clarified things for me right away. God doesn’t determine people’s outcomes based on how much they’ve suffered for Him, the extent of their qualifications, or the scope of their duties. As long as they truly expend themselves for Him, pursue the truth, demonstrate genuine submission to Him, do their duty in a way that is up to standard, and bear true testimony to Him, then He will approve of them. But I didn’t understand His intention and didn’t know what kind of people He saves. I always believed that by expending myself for God, being able to suffer and pay a price, and doing much work, I would be approved by God. But since I was getting old and couldn’t work as hard as the young people, I had already ruled out my own salvation. I became mired in negativity and misunderstandings; I was so rebellious against God! In truth, even though I was old and I couldn’t do as many duties as young people, God didn’t make the same requirements of me. He also wasn’t depriving me of chances to pursue the truth and do my duty. My mind and reason were still intact; I could still read God’s words and do everything I was able to in my duty. But without seeking God’s intention, I had labeled myself as old and useless, as having fallen out of God’s favor. Wasn’t that making assumptions about God? God never said that doing a lot of duties would get a person saved, or that once someone gets old He would eliminate them and not save them anymore. He was actually crystal clear about how older people should pursue the truth and approach their duty. As long as I was loyal and submissive until the end, and I could strive to love God, I had hope of salvation. Not looking at things based on God’s words was so foolish of me. I treated my own notions and imaginings as the truth, misunderstanding God’s intention all along. Realizing this gave me a guilty conscience, and I came before God in prayer, “Oh God! I will stop being negative and resistant because of my wrong views. As long as I have the ability to do my duty another day, I will strive upward and do my best to pursue the truth.” Prayer and the guidance of God’s words brought me some comfort—I was no longer so upset. I thought, “As long as I am in full possession of my reason and still able to move, I will rely on God to be a good host to my brothers and sisters, do my utmost in my duty, and offer my heartfelt service to God.”

But there was still something I didn’t understand. Why did I get negative when I saw I wasn’t as capable as the young people, to the point where I even thought of betraying God? What was the root cause of that? In my seeking, I read this in God’s words: “People believe in God in order to be blessed, to be rewarded, to be crowned. Doesn’t this exist in everyone’s heart? It is a fact that it does. Although people don’t often talk about it, and even cover up their motive and desire to obtain blessings, this desire and motive deep in people’s hearts has always been unshakable. No matter how much spiritual theory people understand, what experience or knowledge they have, what duty they can perform, how much suffering they endure, or how much of a price they pay, they never let go of the motivation for blessings hidden deep in their hearts, and always silently toil in its service. Isn’t this the thing buried deepest inside people’s hearts? Without this motivation to receive blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you perform your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this motivation to receive blessings that is hidden in their hearts was gotten rid of? It is possible that many people would become negative, while some would become demotivated in their duties. They would lose interest in their belief in God, as if their soul had vanished. They would appear as if their heart had been snatched away. This is why I say the motivation for blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). “Antichrists believe in God solely for the purpose of obtaining profit and blessings. Even if they endure some suffering or pay some prices, it’s all in order to make a deal with God. Their intention and desire to obtain blessings and rewards is immense, and they cling to it tightly. They don’t accept any of the many truths that God has expressed, in their hearts they always think that believing in God is all about obtaining blessings and securing a good destination, that this is the highest principle, and that nothing can surpass it. They think that people should not believe in God unless for the sake of gaining blessings, and that if it wasn’t for the sake of blessings, belief in God would have no meaning or value, that it would lose its meaning and value. Were these ideas instilled in antichrists by someone else? Do they derive from someone else’s education or influence? No, they are determined by the inherent nature essence of antichrists, which is something no one can change. Despite God incarnate speaking so many words today, antichrists don’t accept any of them, but instead resist and condemn them. The nature of their being averse to the truth and hating the truth can never change. If they can’t change, what does this indicate? It indicates that their nature is wicked. This is not an issue of pursuing or not pursuing the truth; this is a wicked disposition, it is brazenly clamoring against God and antagonizing God. This is the nature essence of antichrists; it is their true face” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Seven: They Are Wicked, Insidious, and Deceitful (Part Two)). “Antichrists consider their duty as a transaction. They do their duty with the intention of making a transaction and gaining blessings. They think that believing in God should be for the sake of gaining blessings, and that gaining blessings through doing their duty is appropriate. They distort the positive thing that is performing one’s duty and denigrate the value and significance of performing one’s duty as a created being, while also denigrating the legitimacy of doing this; they turn the duty that created beings should naturally perform into a transaction” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Seven)). I saw from God’s words that antichrists only believe in God so they can receive blessings; their transactional mindset never changes, and they won’t give up regardless of how difficult or miserable things get. If they lose all hope of being blessed, it’s as if they’ve lost their life entirely. They feel that continuing to believe in God is meaningless, and they fight against and resist God. Comparing myself to God’s words, I saw that I was acting exactly like an antichrist. When I believed in the Lord, I was overjoyed to hear that my belief in the Lord could get me entry into the kingdom of heaven. I felt that to gain grace in this life, then eternal life in the world to come, any suffering for the Lord would be worthwhile. Being blessed and entering the kingdom of heaven became the goal of my faith, and I thought that the more I sacrificed and expended myself, the greater my blessings would be in the future. After accepting Almighty God’s work of the last days, I felt even more that my dream of being blessed would come true, and had more drive for my duty. Even though I was 66 at that time, I didn’t see myself as old at all. I simply worked hard in my duty. I rode my bike all over the place for gatherings and even if I had a stroke later on, I didn’t care. I just wanted to try hard to do my duty, using the sweat of my brow and suffering as capital to exchange for blessings. But when I saw that I’d aged and couldn’t do as many duties anymore, that I couldn’t keep traveling around like I used to and was becoming slowly unable to do much at all, I felt like my hopes of being blessed were getting slimmer. I didn’t want to accept it. Even though I said nothing, in my heart I blamed God; I didn’t want to accept God’s sovereignty, so I became negative, resistant, and irrational. My motive in my faith was to be blessed, which was making a deal with God. Wasn’t that an antichrist’s fallacious view of belief in God? I’d twisted something as positive and wonderful as doing a duty. I only knew to use doing my duty and traveling around as a way to make deals with God in exchange for the blessings of the kingdom of heaven, treating my duty like a tool and bargaining chip to satisfy my ambitions and desires. I really was dizzied by my desire of being blessed and could only think of getting into the kingdom of heaven. I only cared about whether I’d be blessed, and what my outcome and destination would be. I had no thoughts of repaying God’s love or understanding His earnest intentions. Did I even have a conscience at all? God has given me the breath of life and the chance to do a duty. This is already His great grace for me. But I still complained to God, always trying to reason with Him, being negative and resistant. I was so rebellious, and even if God took my life from me, it would be His righteousness. Realizing all of this, I prayed to God in my heart, asking Him to guide me to let go of my motives for blessings and to submit to His sovereignty and arrangements. I thought of God’s words: “I decide the destination of each person not on the basis of age, seniority, amount of suffering, and least of all, the degree to which they invite pity, but according to whether they possess the truth. There is no other choice but this” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). God’s words helped me come to my senses. I realized that when God determines our outcome and destination, it has nothing to do with how much we’ve sacrificed or expended for Him, how much we’ve worked or suffered. It’s based on whether we’ve gained the truth, and if our dispositions have changed. Doing many duties doesn’t mean we possess the truth or have changed our disposition. No matter how many duties I do, the key is whether I’m on the path of pursuing the truth. Before, I did a lot of duties and traveled all over the place, but never sought the truth. I wanted to use my superficial efforts in exchange for a good destination. I didn’t see the transactional, adversarial mindset I had deep within me toward God. Ultimately, when my desire to be blessed was shattered, I argued with God and went against Him. In truth, if all I did was run around and expend myself without pursuing the truth, then I would only become more selfish and arrogant, and never achieve dispositional change. I’d end up reasoning and arguing with God over the work I’d done, becoming more and more evil. This is just like Paul—he did a lot of work, and he did great work, but he only did that work in exchange for a crown of righteousness. It was always a transaction with God. He didn’t repent even on the verge of death, and ended up punished by God. Peter, on the other hand, didn’t do much work, but in his faith he pursued the truth wholeheartedly, and in all things sought God’s intention and sought to submit to Him. He had no conditions and didn’t consider whether he’d be blessed. In the end, he achieved the supreme love of God and submission onto death, gained God’s approval, and was perfected by God. Both Paul and Peter were believers, but their motives and perspectives in pursuit were different, and so were their outcomes. From this we can see that God is righteous, and only if we pursue the truth and dispositional change can we align with God’s intention. What I was pursuing and the path I was on was just as absurd and wrong as Paul’s, and my outcome would have surely been the same as his. Thankfully, God’s words enlightened and guided me to understand His intention, and what perspective I should have toward my faith. I also learned to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and to be a reasonable created being. This is God’s love. My state improved a lot after I understood God’s intention, and I was so grateful to Him. Afterward, when brothers and sisters came to gather I offered hospitality. When they didn’t come, I read God’s words calmly and sought the truth according to my state.

I read a passage of God’s words one day: “God does not merely pay a price for each person in the decades from their birth to the present. As God sees it, you have come into this world countless times, and have been reincarnated countless times. Who is in charge of this? God is in charge of this. You have no way of knowing these things. Each time you come into this world, God personally makes arrangements for you: He arranges how many years you will live, the sort of family that you will be born into, when you will build a home and a career, as well as what you will do in this world and how you will make a living. God arranges a way for you to earn a living, so that you can accomplish your mission in this life unhindered. And as for what you should do in your next incarnation, God arranges and delivers that life to you according to what you ought to have and what ought to be given to you…. God has made these arrangements for you many times, and, at last, you were born into the age of the last days, into your present family. God arranged an environment for you in which you could believe in Him, He allowed you to hear His voice and come back before Him, so that you could follow Him and perform a duty in His house. It is only with such guidance from God that you have lived until today. You do not know how many times you have been born among man, nor how many times your appearance has changed, nor how many families you have had, nor how many ages and dynasties you have lived through—but God’s hand has been supporting you the whole time, and He has always been watching over you. How much God toils for a person’s sake! Some people say, ‘I’m sixty years old. For sixty years, God has been watching over me, protecting me, and guiding me. If, when I’m old, I can’t perform a duty and I can’t do anything—will God still care about me?’ Is this not a silly thing to say? God does not have sovereignty over a person’s fate, and watch over them and protect them for just a single lifespan. If it were just the matter of a single lifespan, a single lifetime, that would fail to demonstrate that God is almighty and has sovereignty over everything. The labor that God does and the price that He pays for a person is not merely to arrange what they do in this life, but to arrange for them a countless number of lifetimes. God takes full responsibility for every soul that is reincarnated. He works attentively, paying the price of His life, guiding every person and arranging each of their lives. God toils and pays a price in this way for man’s sake, and He bestows upon man all of these truths and this life. If people do not perform the duty of created beings in these final days, and they do not return before the Creator—if, in the end, no matter how many lives and generations they have lived through, they do not do their duties well and they fail to meet God’s demands—would their debt to God not then be too great? Would they not be unworthy of all the prices God has paid? They would be so lacking in conscience, they would not deserve to be called people, as their debt to God would be too great. … The grace, love, and mercy that God shows man are not merely a kind of attitude—they are a fact, as well. What fact is that? It is that God puts His words within you, enlightening you, so that you may see what is lovely about Him, and what this world is all about, so that your heart is filled with light, allowing you to understand His words and the truth. In this way, without knowing it, you gain the truth. God does so much work on you in a very real way, enabling you to gain the truth. When you gain the truth, when you gain that most precious thing which is eternal life, God’s intentions are satisfied. When God sees that people are pursuing the truth and willing to cooperate with Him, He is happy and contented. He is then of an attitude, and while He is of that attitude, He goes to work, and approves of and blesses man. He says, ‘I will reward you with the blessings that you deserve.’ And then you will have gained the truth and the life. When you have knowledge of the Creator and you have gained His appreciation, will you still feel an emptiness in your heart? You will not. You will feel fulfilled and have a sense of enjoyment. Is this not what it means for one’s life to have value? This is the most valuable and meaningful life” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Paying the Price to Gain the Truth Is of Great Significance). God’s words were incredibly comforting and touching for me. It didn’t matter how old I was or what my health was like; as long as I loved and pursued the truth, God wouldn’t disdain me. Unfortunately, I’d misunderstood God’s intention. I thought that since I was old and useless, I couldn’t do as many duties anymore. I thought one day I could get seriously ill and suddenly be gone, with no hope of salvation. I felt there was no meaning in believing in God, and I didn’t want to strive upward. Influenced by my wrong views, I had been misunderstanding God’s intention. I’d sunk into a weak and negative state, and was toyed with by Satan. Before, I didn’t know that as a created being, I should submit to God and satisfy Him. Without that sense, I simply kept my faith in exchange for grace and blessings—I was making a deal with God. Now I could see that with that pursuit, even if I lived a hundred more years there would be no meaning or value in it. When Job faced all those disasters, for example, he never once thought about what he gained or lost. When he broke out in boils and life was unbearable, he never blamed God. He had true belief in God, submitted to His sovereignty and arrangements, and praised His name. He bore a resounding witness for God before Satan, and ultimately he was blessed by God. There was also Peter, who always pursued to love and satisfy God his entire life, and focused on practicing the Lord’s words in his real life. Ultimately, he was crucified upside down for God, showing his supreme love and ultimate submission to Him, living out a life of meaning, and gaining God’s approval. Now, I understood that as a believer, pursuing to submit to God and satisfy God in everything, doing a created being’s duty well, understanding and gaining the truth in the course of doing one’s duty, and coming to submit to and love God, is the way to not live an empty life, and to live a life of meaning. This is the only way to gain God’s approval. Always trying to make deals with God, and exchange working hard and expending oneself for the blessings of the kingdom of heaven is vile behavior, and results in a life that has no meaning or value. I couldn’t keep thinking about whether I’d be blessed in the future or not. I should simply pursue the truth with each day I had left, do my best to fulfill my duty by relying on God, and pursue dispositional change. Even if one day I get seriously ill and am facing death, without the ability to do my duty anymore, I’d still submit to God’s arrangements. What I should focus on now is doing my best to do my duty and fulfill my responsibility in this lifetime. Whatever my outcome is, whether life or death, is up to God’s sovereignty and arrangement. It’s not something I, as a created being, should consider. I felt much more relaxed when I thought about it that way.

After that, I regularly read God’s words and listened to hymns every day. When I realized that I revealed corruption, I prayed, sought the truth, recognized my satanic dispositions, and opened up in seeking and fellowship with my brothers and sisters. I gradually gained a bit from all that. Usually, when there was a duty for me to do, I was actively engaged, and preached the gospel to those around me as much as possible. When I saw brothers and sisters writing experiential testimony articles, I also practiced writing my experiences into articles to testify to God. Doing all of this made me feel fulfilled and at peace.

One day, I heard this hymn of God’s words: “A Created Being Should Be at the Mercy of God.” I was really touched by it. The second passage mentioning Peter’s experience was particularly moving for me. God’s words say: “In the past, Peter was crucified upside down for the sake of God; but you should satisfy God in the end, and exhaust all your energy for His sake. What can a created being do on behalf of God? You should therefore give yourself up to God, sooner rather than later, for Him to dispose of you as He wishes. As long as it makes God happy and pleased, then let Him do as He will with you. What right do men have to speak words of complaint?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Interpretations of the Mysteries of “God’s Words to the Entire Universe,” Chapter 41). I listened to it over and over again, and just couldn’t get enough of it. Every single line of it was inspiring and moving for me, and I couldn’t keep my tears from rolling down my face. I was a created being who’d been corrupted by Satan and had lived to such an old age, but I still had the chance to follow God and experience His work, do my duty and bear witness for God. What a wonderful blessing! Now, by eating and drinking God’s words, I’ve come to understand my own corruptions, and have turned around my selfish and vile motives for blessings. This is God’s grace! I will praise God until the very end, even if He gives me nothing. My life will still have been worth it! I will seek to be a created being who is reasonable and submissive to God. No matter how my health is or what my outcome is, I am willing to let God orchestrate as He wishes.