A Letter to My Wife

By Zhou Ming, China

Dear Huijian,

I got your letter. In your letter you said that our children have been cleared out from the church. I just couldn’t accept this at first. I remember a few years ago when I came home, Xiaotao and Xiaomin were still gathering and performing duties, so how did they come to be cleared out? Though they didn’t really pursue the truth, they were both true of faith. Was the leader asking too much of them? Was clearing them out a mistake? I even aimed my complaints at you. Our children were following the trends of the world, just cared about chasing money, and weren’t willing to do a duty or eat and drink God’s words. I wondered why you hadn’t made an effort to fellowship with them. If only I’d been home, I could’ve helped and supported them more and I wouldn’t have let them get to the point of being cleared out. During those days, these were the kinds of thoughts that filled my head, and I’d lie in bed at night, unable to sleep, haunted by the happy memories of us all together, singing God’s praises and eating and drinking His word. I remember I said to you that I hoped our family could all diligently pursue the truth, be saved by God, and live on in His kingdom, and how wonderful this would be. I’d never expected that as God’s work was about to be concluded, our children would be revealed as disbelievers and cleared out from the church. Didn’t this mean that they’d lost their chance at salvation? I became more upset the more I thought about it. When I saw the disasters growing and the pandemic worsening, this made me especially worried about our children’s futures. I even wanted to write a letter to the church leader, asking whether our children could stay on to labor for the church, so there would be some glimmer of hope for their salvation. Having spent years away on duty due to the CCP’s pursuit, I felt I’d not cared for them and that I’d not fulfilled my responsibilities as their father. I felt that I’d owed them. Huijuan, did you know that while I was living in that state, my heart was filled with darkness and despondency, and I couldn’t focus on my duty? I realized my state was wrong, so I prayed to God, “God! It pains me to know that my children have been cleared out from the church. Though I know You permit this and that I should submit, I just can’t let go of my children and I feel I’ve owed them so much. God, please enlighten me to understand the truth on this matter and not be constrained by my affections.”

After praying, I read God’s word: “Were there particular details to Job’s practices? First, let’s talk about how he treated his children. His aim was to submit to God’s arrangements and orchestrations in all things; he did not try to force the things God did not do, nor did he have calculations and plans based on human will. He hearkened and waited on God’s arrangements and orchestrations in all things. This was a general principle. … How did Job treat his children? He just fulfilled his responsibility as a father, sharing the gospel and fellowshipping on the truth with them. However, whether or not they listened to him, whether or not they obeyed, Job didn’t force them to believe in God—he didn’t drag them kicking and screaming, or interfere in their lives. Their ideas and opinions were different to his own, so he did not interfere with what they did, and did not interfere with what sort of path they were taking. Did Job seldom speak to his children about believing in God? He certainly would have had enough words with them about this, but they refused to listen, and did not accept them. What was Job’s attitude toward that? ‘I have fulfilled my responsibility; as for what kind of path they take, that is up to what they choose, and it is up to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. If God does not work on them, or move them, I will not try to force them.’ Therefore, Job did not pray for them before God, or cry tears of anguish over them, or fast for them or suffer in any way at all. He did not do these things. Why did Job not do any of these things? Because none of these were ways of submitting to God’s sovereignty and arrangements; they all came out of human ideas and were ways of actively forcing matters. … His method of practice was correct; in every way he practiced, in the viewpoint, attitude and state with which he treated everything, he was always in a position and state of submitting, waiting, seeking, and then achieving knowledge. This attitude is very important. If people never have this kind of attitude in anything they do, and have especially strong personal ideas and place personal intentions and benefit before all else, then are they really submitting? (No.) In such people genuine submission cannot be seen; they are unable to achieve genuine submission” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles of the Practice of Submitting to God). Reading this passage of God’s word, I felt humiliated and ashamed. Job didn’t rely on affections in handling his children and he was able to be rational. Though he hoped that his children would believe in God and keep themselves from evil so that they’d not sin too much and walk the road to destruction, when he saw that they didn’t worship God and feasted every day, he didn’t force them to change their ways or compel them to take a certain path. He just submitted to God’s orchestration and arrangements and refrained from sinning against God. Later, when his children were crushed to death, Job did not blame God. I saw that in handling his children, Job feared and submitted to God. And yet, when I found out my son had left the church for worldly pursuits and my daughter had been cleared out, I focused on my fleshly affection for family. I thought of how they could hold onto some hope of being blessed. No matter whether their faith was sincere or not, or whether they pursued the truth, I just wanted them to be able to stay in the church. I even wanted to have the leader give them another chance, letting them stay on to labor for the church in any way possible. When it came to my children, I just wanted to use human methods to salvage things. I wasn’t submitting to God’s sovereignty or arrangements. Especially when I found out my children were defined as disbelievers, I not only didn’t seek the truth to discern their essences, but lived under a misunderstanding, doubting whether the leader had handled things fairly, and I lost my drive for my duty. My heart only had room for my children; God had no place in it. I recalled one of the clear requirements in God’s administrative decrees which says: “Kin who are not of the faith (your children, your husband or wife, your sisters or your parents, and so on) should not be forced into the church. God’s household is not short of members, and there is no need to make up its numbers with people who have no use. All those who do not believe gladly must not be led into the church. This decree is directed at all people. You should check, monitor, and remind each other of this matter; no one may violate it” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Ten Administrative Decrees That Must Be Obeyed by God’s Chosen People in the Age of Kingdom). I remember that you said in your letter that the brothers and sisters had supported them a lot, and that they themselves had chosen to not repent, and never read God’s words or gathered for a long time. This already showed that they were disbelievers, yet I ignored God’s words and wanted to rely on my affections to keep them in the church. I was so rebellious! I can’t keep relying on my affections. In handling our children, I have to be like Job, seek the truth, and submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements. This is the sense that I should have.

Afterward, I thought about all the people that had been revealed and eliminated in recent years. I didn’t have any notions about that as I knew that God is righteous and that in His house, the truth reigns supreme and no person is wronged. But when I saw our children cleared out, why did I not submit to God or praise His righteousness, relying instead on my affections and doubting whether the church had handled things fairly?

I went on to read God’s word: “What characterizes feelings? Certainly not anything positive. It is a focus on physical relationships and satisfying the predilections of the flesh. Favoritism, defending other people’s shortcomings, doting, pampering, and indulging all fall under feelings. Some people place great stock in feelings, they react to whatever happens to them based on their feelings; in their hearts, they know full well this is wrong, and yet are still incapable of being objective, much less of acting according to principle. When people are always constrained by feelings, are they capable of practicing the truth? This is extremely difficult! Many people’s inability to practice the truth comes down to feelings; they regard feelings as especially important, they put them in the first place. Are they people who love the truth? Certainly not. What are feelings, in essence? They are a kind of corrupt disposition. The manifestations of feelings can be described using several words: favoritism, unprincipled protection of others, maintenance of physical relationships, and partiality; these are what feelings are. What are the likely consequences of people’s having feelings and living by them? Why does God most loathe people’s feelings? Some people are always constrained by their feelings, they cannot put the truth into practice, and though they wish to submit to God, they cannot, so they feel tormented by their feelings. There are many people who understand the truth but cannot put it into practice; this, too, is because they are constrained by feelings. For example, some people leave their homes to perform their duties, but they are always thinking about their family, day and night, and they cannot perform their duties well. Is this not a problem? Some people have secret crushes, and there is only a place for that person in their hearts, which affects their performance of their duties. Is this not a problem? Some people admire and idolize others; they won’t listen to anyone except for that person, to the extent that they don’t even listen to what God says. Even if someone else fellowships the truth with them, they won’t accept it; they only listen to that person’s words, to their idol’s words. Some people have an idol in their hearts, and they do not permit other people to speak about or touch their idol. If anyone talks about their idol’s problems, they become angry and have to defend their idol and turn that person’s words around. They won’t allow their idol to suffer an injustice undefended and they do everything in their power to protect their idol’s reputation; through their words, their idol’s wrongs become right, and they do not let people speak true words or expose them. This is not justice; these are called feelings” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Truth Reality?). From God’s word I understood that affections belong to a satanic corrupt disposition, and that by relying on affections, not only can we not view things or people fairly, but we develop biases and favoritism, and we will contravene principles to protect our fleshly relationships. Just like when I learned Xiaotao and Xiaomin had been cleared out, I didn’t seek God’s intention or ponder the lessons I should learn, or the truth I should enter into. Instead, I conjured up the idea that the leader was acting without principles. I wanted to follow through by writing a letter to the leader, asking for my children to be let off the hook and allowed to keep doing a duty in the church. I saw that acting sentimentally with regard to my children was a form of bias and favoritism, and was without principle. After all these years in the faith, I knew that the church has principles for clearing people out and that it is done based on a person’s consistent behavior rather than a momentary manifestation. Only if a person doesn’t repent after extensive help and fellowship, and they are eventually defined as an evil person or a disbeliever, will they be dealt with according to principles, and only with approval from at least 80% of the church can they be cleared out. This is fair and in line with the truth. I thought of our son and how I’d asked him why he came out to do a duty. He told me, “I came out to do a duty because I missed you.” I saw that he had no place for God in his heart, that he didn’t love the truth at all, and that he wasn’t doing his duty to pursue the truth. When he saw that God’s house continually fellowshipped on the truth and this couldn’t satisfy his desires, he wanted to give up on his duty. The leaders had fellowshipped with him so much but he never listened. After returning home, when he had time, he would rather play games than read God’s word. He was a disbeliever! Likewise, our daughter believed for over a decade but rarely ate or drank God’s words and her viewpoints were like those of nonbelievers. Though she did her duty occasionally, whenever it didn’t align with her notions or it affected her interests, she wouldn’t do it. She didn’t have true faith in God and was, in essence, a disbeliever too.

I recalled a passage of God’s words: “When someone is truly defined in God’s eyes as having withdrawn, it is actually not merely a matter of them having left His house, of them not being seen anymore, or of them having been stricken from the church rolls. The fact is that if a person does not read God’s words, then regardless of the magnitude of their faith, and regardless of whether they recognize themselves to be a believer in God, it proves that they do not acknowledge in their heart that God exists, nor that His words are the truth. To God, that person has already withdrawn and is no longer counted as a member of His house. Those who do not read God’s words are one sort of people who have withdrawn. … There is another sort: those who refuse to do duties. Whatever request God’s house makes of them, whatever kind of work it would have them do, whichever duty it would have them do, in large and small matters alike, even in something so simple as having them pass along an occasional message—they do not want to do it. They, self-proclaimed believers in God, cannot even do tasks that a nonbeliever could be sought out to help with. This is a refusal to accept the truth and a refusal to do a duty. No matter how the brothers and sisters exhort them, they refuse and do not accept it; when the church arranges some duty for them to do, they ignore it and give copious excuses to decline it. These are people who refuse to do duties. To God, such people have already withdrawn. Their withdrawal is not a matter of God’s house having cleared them out or having stricken them from its rolls; rather, it is that they themselves do not have true faith—they do not acknowledge themselves to be believers in God” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). “Who is Satan, who are demons, and who are God’s enemies if not resisters who do not believe in God? Are they not those people who are rebellious against God? Are they not those who claim to have faith, yet who lack truth? Are they not those who merely seek to obtain blessings while being unable to bear witness for God? You still mingle with those demons today and treat them with conscience and love, but in this case are you not extending good intentions toward Satan? Are you not in league with demons? If people have made it to this point and are still unable to distinguish between good and evil, and continue to blindly be loving and merciful without any desire to seek God’s intentions or being able in any way to take God’s intentions as their own, then their endings will be all the more wretched” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together).

Huijuan, having read these words of God I realized how pitifully stupid I’d been. I’d wanted to use human means to keep our children in the church, thinking maybe they’d survive in the end if they labored a little in the church. But in light of God’s word, I see how absurd my thinking was. In fact, all those who believe in God but don’t read His word or do a duty are not recognized as believers by God at all, even if they haven’t yet been cleared out, as they’ve already withdrawn in God’s eyes. I compared this with our children’s behavior. After all his years of faith, Xiaotao still followed worldly trends, and didn’t read God’s words or do a duty. I saw that he didn’t love the truth at all and was essentially averse to the truth and a disbeliever. Xiaomin had been in the faith for years but never focused on reading God’s words, and on this condition alone she could have been cleared out as a disbeliever. God’s house does not need people like these to make up its numbers, much less the laboring of such disbelievers. Even if the church hadn’t cleared them out, God would not have recognized them as believers. With these realizations, I fully understood that Xiaotao and Xiaomin being cleared out was completely in line with God’s words and the truth principles. I should have discernment of them, stand by God in viewing things in line with the truth principles, and submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. But I relied on my affections to handle our children, and without knowing the facts, I suspected the leader had wrongly cleared them out and I wanted these disbelievers to stay and make up the church’s numbers. I was always protecting my fleshly relationships. Was I not mingling with demons, extending good intentions and love toward Satan, just as God exposed? I couldn’t tell right from wrong, was associating with demons, and was essentially resisting God.

I also wondered why I felt so deeply guilty and self-reproach when I learned our children were cleared out, and why I felt I’d not fulfilled my responsibilities as a father, suspecting that if only I’d found the time to return home and fellowship and help them more, they’d never have gotten to this point. Huijuan, is your state the same as mine? Later, I read God’s word dissecting and exposing traditional thinking and I saw that I’d been influenced by the traditional notion of “To feed without teaching is the father’s fault.” God’s words say: “What sort of expression is ‘To feed without teaching is the father’s fault’? In what way is it wrong? What this expression means is that if children are disobedient or immature, it is the father’s responsibility, which is to say that the parents didn’t educate them well. But is this actually the case? (No.) Some parents comport themselves in a proper manner, and yet their sons are hoodlums and their daughters are prostitutes. The man playing the father’s role gets so angry and says: ‘To feed without teaching is the father’s fault. I have spoiled them!’ Is this the right thing to say or not? (No, it’s wrong.) In what way is it wrong? If you can understand what is wrong with this expression, it proves that you understand the truth and that you understand what is wrong about the problem that lies within this expression. If you do not understand the truth in this matter, then you cannot explain this matter clearly” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). “The first thing to make clear is that it’s wrong to say, ‘Children’s failure to follow the right path is to do with their parents.’ Whoever it is, if they are a certain kind of person, they will walk a certain path. Is this not certain? (Yes.) The path a person takes determines what they are. The path they take and the kind of person they become are up to them. These are things that are predestined, innate, and have to do with the person’s nature. So what’s the use of parental education? Can it govern a person’s nature? (No.) Parental education cannot govern human nature and cannot solve the problem of which path a person takes. What is the only education that parents can provide? Some simple behaviors in their children’s daily life, some fairly superficial thoughts and rules of comportment—these are things that have something to do with parents. Before their children reach adulthood, parents should fulfill their due responsibility, which is to educate their children to follow the right path, study hard, and strive to be able to rise above the rest after they grow up, not to do bad things or to become bad people. Parents should also regulate their children’s behavior, teach them to be polite and to greet their elders whenever they see them, and teach them other things relating to behavior—this is the responsibility that parents ought to fulfill. Taking care of their child’s life and educating them with some basic rules of comportment—that is what parental influence amounts to. As for their child’s personality, parents cannot teach this. Some parents are laid-back and do everything at a leisurely pace, whereas their children are very impatient and can’t stay still even for a short while. They go off on their own to make a living when they are 14 or 15 years old, they make their own decisions in everything, they don’t need their parents, and they are very independent. Is this taught by their parents? No. Therefore, a person’s personality, disposition, and even their essence, as well as the path they choose in the future, have nothing whatsoever to do with their parents. … Some parents believe in God and educate their children to believe in God, but whatever they say, their children do not believe, and there is nothing the parents can do about it. Some parents don’t believe in God, whereas their children believe in God. Once their children start believing in God, they follow Him, expend themselves for Him, are able to accept the truth, and gain God’s approval, and their destiny thus changes. Is this the result of parental education? Not at all, it has to do with God’s predestination and selection. There is a problem with the expression ‘To feed without teaching is the father’s fault.’ Although parents have a responsibility to educate their children, a child’s destiny is not determined by their parents, but by the child’s nature. Can education resolve the problem of a child’s nature? It cannot resolve it at all. The path a person takes in life is not determined by their parents, but is preordained by God. It is said that ‘Man’s fate is determined by Heaven,’ and this saying is summed up by human experience. Before a person reaches adulthood, you cannot tell what path they will take. Once they become an adult, and have thoughts and can reflect on problems, they will choose what to do out in the wider community. Some people say they want to be senior officials, others say they want to be lawyers, and still others say they want to be writers. Everyone has their own choices and their own ideas. No one says, ‘I’ll just wait for my parents to educate me. I’ll become whatever my parents educate me to become.’ No one is as foolish as this. After reaching adulthood, people’s ideas begin to stir and gradually mature, and thus the path and goals ahead of them become increasingly clear. At this time, little by little it becomes obvious and apparent what type of person they are, and which group they are part of. From this point onward, each person’s personality gradually becomes clearly defined, as does their disposition, as well as the path they are pursuing, their direction in life, and the group they belong to. What is all this based upon? Ultimately, this is what God has preordained—it has nothing to do with one’s parents. Do you see this clearly now?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). God’s word clearly dissected the traditional notion of “To feed without teaching is the father’s fault.” Our children’s futures and the paths they walk are entirely decided by their natures. It has nothing to do with our parenting. Parenting can only affect a child’s daily life or some of their external behaviors, but not their natures at all. Once children mature in their thinking they choose different paths in accordance with their inborn natures, finding their way into the categories they belong to. This is predestined by God and cannot be changed by any person. But I couldn’t perceive our children’s nature essence when it came to the path they took in their faith. I even wanted to help our children in my own way, so they would stay in the faith and in the church. I vainly hoped to rely on my own methods to salvage their fates. I was stubbornly resisting God. I am just an insignificant created being and don’t even have control over my own fate, so how could I hope to control the futures of our children or change their fates? I was so arrogant and ignorant, and overrated my own abilities. Then I wondered, “Why do I think like this?” I recalled how when they were little, we all used to believe in the Lord together and when we accepted God’s work of the last days, we brought them to church and encouraged them to take on a duty. I’d thought that their being able to believe in God was directly related to our parenting. So, when I learned that they’d been cleared out, I thought that I’d not fulfilled my responsibilities as a father and that if I’d just been with them more to help and fellowship with them, maybe they wouldn’t have forsaken their faith and pursued the world. From God’s word I now see how utterly absurd my views were and how they didn’t align with the truth at all. They’d believed in God for over a decade, read His word, listened to sermons and knew that a true life had to be lived by pursuing the truth and doing the duty of a created being. But they had no interest in the truth and when seeing they weren’t being blessed after their years of faith, they started pursuing worldly things and indulging the flesh. They betrayed God and followed worldly trends despite knowing the true way, and even with others often fellowshipping with them and helping them, they were stubborn and unrepentant. This shows that they are averse to the truth in nature and that they uphold evil. They are not among those to be saved by God but belong to the world and the devil. When they are destroyed in the coming disasters, it will be because they betrayed God, and it will be their fault alone. I also thought about how many people in the church who were not converted by their parents, but rather through chance, by colleagues, friends, or even strangers who shared the gospel with them, and their parents’ persecution couldn’t keep them from believing or doing a duty. Some parents rely on affections to keep preaching to their children, but the children don’t believe and even resent and resist their parents. Some parents are expelled because of their unrepentant pursuit of status and numerous evils, yet their children remain unaffected and can even see into their parents’ essences in line with God’s word and reject them. Likewise, many children are cleared out and expelled and their parents are able to discern their essences in light of God’s word. From this we can see that whether a person walks the right path or the wrong one, whether they are good or evil people, whether they love or hate the truth, and even what their final outcome is, is entirely determined by their nature essence and not a result of parenting. The responsibility parents can fulfill is raising their children to adulthood and bringing them before God. But the path they take and their fate is wholly out of the parents’ control. Our children have chosen by themselves to take the wrong path and even fulfilling my responsibilities as a father wouldn’t bring them back. This has nothing to do with whether I have fulfilled these responsibilities. Their natures are averse to the truth. Even if I stayed with them and spent all my days fellowshipping with them, it’d be for nothing. When I regarded our children in line with God’s word, I felt much more liberated and was no longer disturbed in my duty.

Huijuan, this is what I have gained from the situation these days. I know that your affections for our children are strong and that this all must have been very hard for you. I don’t know how you’ve gotten through this. Though our children being cleared out may not have aligned with our notions, there must be lessons for us to learn from the situation God has arranged. I hope that you will be able to seek the truth in this and approach the matter correctly. You can write to me if you have gained anything from this situation, too. I look forward to your response.

Yours,

Zhou Ming

August 20, 2022