By Qingyou, China

I was responsible for the cleansing work in several churches. One day in July 2022, I went to Yang Xin’s home to find out about a few things from her. It was her husband who opened the door. He whispered to me nervously, “Who are you looking for?” Using my wits, I said, “I’m looking for my older sister.” He immediately said, “She’s gone out.” After he said that, he closed the door. In the moment he closed the door, I saw through the crack of the door that two men, in their 30s or 40s, were sitting in the living room, both looking at me in unison. I was shocked, “The way those two people look at others is different from ordinary people. They were weighing me up with a hostile look. Could they be the police?” A sense of fear surged into my heart, and I hurried away.

When I returned to the host house, a sister arrived in a panic, saying that she had just heard that two leaders in the church had been arrested. My heart leaped into my throat, “Oh no! Yang Xin may have been arrested too. Those two strangers I happened to see at her house were very likely police, keeping a watch.” I started to panic in my heart. Immediately afterward, I learned that several brothers and sisters had also been arrested at two or three o’clock in the morning. So many brothers and sisters had been arrested all at once, and my heart was pounding with nerves. I thought that three years before, the police had held up a photo of me so people could identify me; the brothers and sisters who had been arrested also knew about the home I was living in currently. If I stayed there, I could be arrested at any time, and so I took my things and got ready to leave. At this time, a sister hurriedly rushed over and told me that the leaders and workers in the church, and the supervisors of the gospel work and the watering work, had all been arrested. She told me to leave this house quickly. When I heard this, I was rooted to the spot in shock. “With so many people arrested, who will handle the aftermath work? I must quickly find someone to notify my brothers and sisters so they can get themselves out!” But then I had another thought, “I’ve been in close contact with the brothers and sisters who have been arrested, and the police have a photograph of me. If the police arrest me, then they’ll beat me until I’m disabled, even if they don’t beat me to death. I must hide away quickly!” So I went to a relative’s house. Although I was safe for the time being, my heart constantly felt uneasy, “What’s going on with the church? Has anyone else been arrested? All the people arrested this time were leaders and workers, so who is handling the aftermath work? I’m also a member of the church, so am I really going to just hide away like this?” My heart was very uneasy.

The next day, I received a letter from the upper leaders asking me to handle the aftermath work. At the time, I was a bit afraid inside, “So many brothers and sisters have been arrested. This really is the eye of the storm. Would I not just be putting myself in the firing line by handling the aftermath work at this moment? Besides, the police have my photograph. Once they lock onto me, how will I be able to escape? My health isn’t good anyway. Once I’m arrested, how will I be able to stand up to the devil’s torture— won’t I just be beaten to death? If I die, then won’t all these years of belief have been in vain?” When I thought this, it felt as if my heart suddenly leaped into my throat. But if I were to refuse my duty when the church was already paralyzed, I would not be able to justify being a deserter at this critical moment! The unceasing conflict felt like it was pulling my heart in two. Later, I replied to the leaders, saying that there were risks to my safety. I also said, “You can decide if getting me to do it will work or not. If you think I’m suited, then I’ll go.” My intention was to tell them that there were risks to my safety and that I didn’t want them to arrange for me to go. When I sent this letter off, I felt self-reproach in my heart. “Am I not being deceitful in writing this letter? The house of God has cultivated me all these years, but at this critical moment I just tried to preserve myself. Is this what a person with humanity would do? As the saying goes, ‘True feelings are revealed in adversity.’ Now, so many people in the church have been arrested, and there is an urgent need to handle the aftermath work. But I am refusing my duty— this truly is not something a human would do!” However, I was still a little scared in my heart, so I prayed to God, begging God to give me the faith to rise up and protect the work of the church. After praying, I read the words of God: “Those who truly follow God are able to withstand the test of their work, whereas those who do not truly follow God are incapable of withstanding any of God’s trials. Sooner or later they will be expelled, while the overcomers will remain in the kingdom. Whether or not man truly seeks God is determined by the test of his work, that is, by God’s trials, and has nothing to do with the decision by man himself. God does not reject any person on a whim; all that He does can utterly convince man. He does not do anything that is invisible to man, or any work that cannot convince man. Whether man’s belief is true or not is proved by the facts and cannot be decided by man. That ‘wheat cannot be made into tares, and tares cannot be made into wheat’ is without doubt. All those who truly love God will ultimately remain in the kingdom, and God will not mistreat anyone who truly loves Him” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Work and Man’s Practice). After reading the words of God, I understood that God uses the persecution and arrests of the great red dragon to test whether people have true faith or false faith. Those with true faith are able to protect the work of the church and fulfill their duties in times of tribulation. Those with false faith are also able to expend themselves for God during normal times as long as it does not affect their own interests, but when faced with a dangerous environment, they become timid and afraid, and think only of preserving themselves. They do not consider the work of the church at all. This kind of person is revealed and eliminated. I compared this with my own behavior. I had believed in God for many years, eaten and drunk so many of God’s words, and often fellowshipped with my brothers and sisters about how we had to stick to our duties when tribulations and trials came upon us and bear testimony to God. However, when the church was faced with this major wave of arrests, and the leaders and workers and many brothers and sisters had all been arrested, the first thing I thought of was to hide away quickly. When the upper leaders asked me to handle the aftermath work, I hesitated, thinking that it was too dangerous to do this duty, and refused it on the grounds that there were risks to my safety. I thought about how such a major situation had come upon the church, and the leaders and workers had all been arrested. If the offerings and the items of the church were not transferred promptly, they would be taken away by the police. There were also many brothers and sisters who were unaware that the leaders and workers had been arrested. If I didn’t notify them in time, they would also face the risk of arrest. Yet at this critical moment, time after time, I chose to preserve myself and refuse my duty. I was too selfish and despicable. I truly did not deserve to live before God! When I thought this, I felt indebted and regretful about everything I had done, and did not want to preserve myself anymore. Afterward, I wrote the upper leaders a letter to talk about my despicable intentions at the time, and said I was willing to handle the aftermath work.

Next, I put on a disguise and went out to meet my brothers and sisters to discuss how to transfer the books of God’s words. Then, we notified brothers and sisters who faced risks to their safety that they needed to hide away quickly, and wrote letters to fellowship with brothers and sisters who were weak, negative, timid, and afraid, encouraging them to rely on God to live a church life and do their duty. Just as I was actively handling the aftermath work, another incident happened that revealed me again. I found out that the wife and daughter of a brother who was keeping custody of the books had been arrested. The situation was very urgent. The books of God’s words had to be transferred out as soon as possible. When I heard this, I felt very anxious. If these books fell into the hands of the police, the loss would be simply too great. I had to find a way to transfer them as quickly as possible. So I planned to meet with the brother who was keeping custody of the books to get a real understanding of the situation. Immediately afterward, I learned from the brothers and sisters who had been arrested and then released that some of the people who had been arrested couldn’t see through Satan’s schemes, and had begun to sell out and identify leaders and workers. The daughter of this brother had sold out the most information. Hearing this, I was very scared, “During this time I have often been running around under surveillance. As soon as someone identifies me, won’t I be doomed?” Thinking of this, I started to back down. At this time, I heard that Sister Li Xuan had returned from another area. I knew that she had dealt with aftermath work before, so I wanted her to take over my duty. I said to my partner, Sister Wang Xin, “Can we get Li Xuan to handle the aftermath work? There aren’t any risks to her safety and she has handled aftermath work before.” Wang Xin said in surprise, “How can you think like this? She is still doing her other duties. Is this appropriate?” Listening to Wang Xin’s rhetorical question, I realized that it was indeed inappropriate, “It is clearly my duty, but I still tried to pass it on to others without considering the interests of the church in the slightest. But if I carry on doing this duty, I’m afraid that I will be arrested. If I can’t see through the devil’s schemes and betray God, that will mean eternal destruction with no chance at redemption. I will completely lose my chance of receiving salvation!” The more I thought, the more scared I became. So I prayed to God, “Dear God! When danger comes upon me, I want to shrink back. May You lead me and give me faith and strength!”

I read the words of God: “When people are ready to sacrifice their lives, everything becomes trifling, and no one can get the better of them. What could be more important than life? Thus, Satan becomes incapable of doing any more in people, there is nothing it can do with man. Although, in the definition of the ‘flesh’ it is said that the flesh is corrupted by Satan, if people truly give themselves over, and are not driven by Satan, then no one can get the better of them—and at this moment, the flesh will perform its another function, and begin to formally receive the direction of the Spirit of God. This is a necessary process, it must happen step-by-step; if not, God would have no means of working in the stubborn flesh. Such is the wisdom of God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Interpretations of the Mysteries of “God’s Words to the Entire Universe,” Chapter 36). From God’s words I understood why I had lived in timidity and fear, afraid that if I moved about in sight of surveillance cameras every day, I might be arrested at any time. The main reason was that I cherished my life too much, and was afraid that I would be arrested and beaten to death. Fear of death had become my Achilles’ heel. I was so scared even before being arrested: If I were arrested, I definitely wouldn’t be able to stand firm in my testimony. I thought of those people who had turned Judas. They, desperate to save their own skins, had not hesitated to sell out their brothers and sisters and the interests of the house of God. They had laid down their arms in front of Satan and betrayed God, making Satan sneer at them. What is the meaning of living like this? The Lord Jesus said: “For whoever will save his life shall lose it: and whoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:25). Those who were martyred for God, like Stephen, who was stoned to death for proclaiming and testifying to the Lord Jesus; or like Peter, who was crucified upside down for God; gave up their lives to bear testimony to God. Although their flesh died, they gained God’s approval. There are also those brothers and sisters who were martyred for God after suffering the brutal persecution of the great red dragon: Although their flesh is dead, their testimony became evidence of defeating Satan, and their souls returned before the Creator. They were persecuted for righteousness, and their deaths were valuable and significant! I then looked at myself, still constrained by death and lacking genuine faith in God. My life was given by God, and my life and death are in God’s hands. If God allows me to be arrested, then it has been ordained by God. If God does not allow me to be arrested, then this is also God’s sovereignty. I should submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “In mainland China, the great red dragon has consistently and brutally suppressed, arrested, and persecuted believers in God, often placing them in dangerous environments. For instance, the government uses various pretexts to apprehend believers. Whenever they discover the area in which an antichrist resides, what’s the first thing the antichrist thinks about? It’s not about arranging the work of the church properly but how to escape from this dangerous situation. When the church faces suppression and arrests, the antichrists never engage in follow-up work. They don’t make arrangements for essential church resources or personnel. Instead, they find excuses and reasons in order to secure a safe place for themselves and be done with it. Once their personal safety is guaranteed, they rarely get personally involved in arranging the church’s work, personnel, or resources, nor do they inquire into the matter or make any specific arrangements. This results in the church’s resources and finances not being promptly transferred to secure locations, and ultimately, much is plundered and taken away by the great red dragon, causing significant losses to the church and leading to the capture of more brothers and sisters. This is the result of the antichrists shirking their responsibility over the work. Deep within the antichrists’ hearts, their personal safety always takes precedence. It’s an issue in their hearts that is a constant concern for them. They think to themselves, ‘I mustn’t get into trouble. Whoever might get caught, I can’t afford to be—I have to stay alive. I’m still waiting to share in god’s glory when the work of god is finished. If I get caught, I’ll act like Judas, and it’ll be over for me. There won’t be a good outcome for me. I’ll be punished.’ Therefore, whenever they go to a new place to work, they first investigate who has the safest and most powerful household, where they can hide from the government’s searches and feel secure. … After settling themselves down and feeling that they are out of harm’s way, that the danger is past, then the antichrists proceed to do some superficial work. Antichrists are quite meticulous in their arrangements, but it depends on who they are dealing with. They think very carefully about matters that concern their own interests, but when it comes to the work of the church or their own duties, they display their own selfishness and despicableness and show no responsibility, lacking even a hint of conscience or reason. It’s precisely because of these behaviors that they are classified as antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Two)). God said that antichrists never consider the interests of the house of God or the safety of their brothers and sisters when danger comes upon them. Instead, they put their own interests and safety first. They are extremely selfish and despicable. In the past, I had read these words but never connected them to myself. I had believed that I was someone who truly believed in God and could protect the interests of the house of God. Only when the facts revealed me did I see how selfish and despicable I was, and that I didn’t protect the work of the church in the slightest. When I heard that some people had turned Judas, I worried that I would be sold out if I handled the aftermath work and came into contact with a lot of people. In order to preserve myself, I wanted to push this duty on to others so I could hide away. I saw that what I revealed was the disposition of an antichrist. I had all kinds of despicable ideas for the interests of my flesh. I truly was selfish, despicable, and malicious! The house of God had cultivated me over so many years, and I had enjoyed the provision of so many of God’s truths, but at the critical moment, I ignored the interests of the house of God. I truly had no conscience! I thought about how God had become flesh and come to China, where the devil reigns, to save us. He faced mortal danger at any time and in any place, but He never considered His personal safety. He still walked among the churches, expressing the truth to water us and provide for us. However, all I thought about in this adverse environment was how to avoid arrest and not be beaten to death. I did not consider the work of the church at all. I did not have any loyalty to God at all. When I realized this, I felt ashamed of my behavior. Before God, I made a determination, “Dear God, I was wrong. I should not have tried to preserve myself at this critical moment, ignoring the interests of the house of God. I was too lacking in conscience! Dear God, No matter how dangerous it is to handle the aftermath work, and even if the police catch me and beat me to death, I am willing to do my duty well.”

Afterward, once I had discussed things with the sister I was partnered with, I arranged to meet the brother who was keeping custody of the books in a remote area to find out what was going on. At that time, his wife had already been released, and she talked about the details of what her daughter had sold out. Not only had the daughter sold people out, she had also agreed to be a mole for the police. The police also told her daughter, “If we search your house for another couple days, we guarantee we’ll find something else.” When I heard this, my heart burned with anxiety, “We must move the books away quickly! Last time, I let the best opportunity to transfer the books slip away because I was preserving myself. This time, I cannot delay further. I will transfer the books even if I have to give up my life to do it!” So I agreed on a time with them to transfer the books. When it was time to transfer the books, I hadn’t realized that there was a narrow passageway in front of their house. We got the car in with great difficulty, but it got stuck when we came in the gate. We couldn’t go in or come out. The neighbor’s dog kept barking. I was nervous and scared in my heart, “If the neighbor reports us, the police will be here in a few minutes. What should we do then?” I prayed to God silently in my heart. I remembered the words of God: “Do not fear, the Almighty God of hosts will surely be with you; He stands behind you and He is your shield” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 26). God’s words gave me faith that God is sovereign over everything, and God will protect His work. After I prayed, we were able to adjust the direction of the stuck car and reverse out. In this way, we ferried two carloads of books out. From when we started to pack to the end of the last journey, it took around an hour. The neighbor’s dog kept barking, but the neighbor never came out. Later, we also transferred the books from another custodian’s house to a safe place without a hitch.

After this experience, I had gained some understanding of my own selfish and despicable satanic disposition, and understood that a person’s destiny and outcome are in God’s hands. What a person should do is do their duty well. Even if they are arrested and imprisoned or beaten to death, that is meaningful and valuable. When I was ready to give up my life and stopped considering my own gains and losses, I saw God’s sovereignty. I gained more faith in God!