By Ouyang Xue, China

In 2015, the leaders arranged for me to do text-based duties. At the time, the team leader Cheng Nuo had been pruned by the leaders for showing a bad attitude in doing her duty. She believed that the leaders had arranged for me to come because they wanted me to replace her, so she made things difficult for me at every turn. Often, at gatherings, she would interrogate me about problems relating to sermons. If I couldn’t answer, Cheng Nuo would ridicule me, saying, “Don’t you have some caliber? Why else would the leaders arrange for you to come?” Listening to her, my heart felt very constrained. Every gathering was a torment. Because my state was bad, I didn’t have any ideas when I checked the sermons, and couldn’t equip myself with principles. I felt that doing this duty was very difficult, and that I wasn’t up to it. My heart was in anguish, and I felt like going home. Just when my state was at its lowest ebb, the sister I was partnered with, Yang Guang, saw that my state was bad and patiently fellowshipped with me and helped me. She also encouraged me not to give up the opportunity to do my duty, and said I could fellowship about and discuss anything I didn’t understand with her, and we could work together. Yang Guang fellowshipped a lot with me, and my heart felt much clearer and more enlightened. I also had the will to continue to do my duty. Later, I put time and effort into equipping myself with principles, and got Yang Guang to fellowship with me about anything I didn’t understand. Gradually, I figured out some paths in doing my duty and I was very grateful to Yang Guang. Later, Cheng Nuo was dismissed and my brothers and sisters recommended me for team leader. Afraid that I would not be up to the task, I wanted to decline it, but Yang Guang encouraged me again, saying that the other team members and I would discuss anything I couldn’t do all together, and that she would also help me. Therefore, I accepted the duty of team leader. During this period, Yang Guang often discussed the path to do my duty with me, and the work was progressing quite smoothly. I was extremely grateful to Yang Guang, and felt like I needed to remember this favor in my heart. If in the future she had any problems, I had to do my utmost to help her. I could not be ungrateful.

After a while, Yang Guang returned home for a visit, but her son didn’t agree to her coming out to do her duty again. He even said that when she was old, he wouldn’t look after her, and so Yang Guang felt constrained. She constantly lived in a negative state, and didn’t bear a burden in doing her duty. I fellowshipped with her and helped her several times, but she still didn’t turn things around at all. Later, a letter from the leaders arrived, saying that Yang Guang’s state was already seriously impeding the work, and if she didn’t turn it around soon then she should be dismissed. When I read the letter, I was very anxious. I thought of how Yang Guang had helped me a lot when I had difficulties, so I had to give her a lot of help at this juncture. Afterward, I found Yang Guang and fellowshipped with her. She said that her state was a little better, and I felt a bit relieved. Another time, Yang Guang had some sermons at hand that urgently required screening, but after half a month, she still hadn’t finished screening them. I saw that Yang Guang’s heart and mind were not in her duty, and that if this continued, the work would be delayed. I thought about arranging for someone else to do it, but then I also thought, “If Yang Guang gets the sermons screened, that will count as her achieving some results in doing her duty and she won’t be reassigned. I need to give her a hand at this time.” I then went to fellowship with Yang Guang and asked her to turn around her attitude toward her duty and screen the sermons with urgency. However, a few more days passed and still there was no progress. I asked her about the specific reason, but she didn’t reply honestly. I realized that I couldn’t carry on getting her to work on the sermons, and hurriedly arranged for someone else to do it. When I saw that the work had been delayed, I felt enormous self-reproach. I knew that Yang Guang had to be dismissed because of her consistent inability to turn her state around, but then I thought, “Her state isn’t good to start off with. What will happen if, after she’s dismissed, she can’t experience her way out of it?” I couldn’t bear to do it; my heart was tied in knots. At the time, it just so happened that people were needed for another task, and so I arranged for Yang Guang to go and do it. Afterward, I didn’t hear any news of her.

A year later, I was elected as a leader in the church. Once, I was reading a work report and found out that Yang Guang was extremely passive in doing her duty, often returning home and pushing all her work onto her partner. Moreover, there were risks to Yang Guang’s own safety, and it was not safe to keep going back and forth. She had been given fellowship about this, but hadn’t accepted it. As soon as I read that Yang Guang’s behavior was the same as it had been before, and hadn’t changed at all, I thought about discussing whether Yang Guang needed to be reassigned with the sister I was partnered with. However, I immediately also thought about how Yang Guang had helped me so much in my darkest hour, but now I wanted to dismiss her as soon as I became a leader. If she found out, would she not say that I have no conscience, that I am ungrateful? When we met in the future, I wouldn’t be able to face her. Therefore, I didn’t want to mention the matter to the sister I was partnered with anymore. Afterward, when I saw Yang Guang, I fellowshipped with her about the nature and consequences of doing her duty in this way, and warned her that if she didn’t turn things around she would be dismissed. To my face, Yang Guang agreed readily. However, I didn’t expect that less than a month later, the sister Yang Guang was partnered with sent a letter to say that she was still prone to letting go of her duty, and this had seriously impeded the work. I felt deeply self-reproachful in my heart. If I had dismissed her promptly, she would not have caused the work to be delayed by a further month. I realized that Yang Guang’s behavior was consistent, and could not be turned around just by helping her a few times, and decided to dismiss her.

Afterward, I reflected on myself. Why was I unable to handle any issue related to Yang Guang according to principles? I read two passages of God’s words: “Some people are extremely sentimental. Every day, in all that they say, and in all of the ways they behave toward others, they live by their feelings. They feel affection for this person and that person, and they spend their days engaged in the niceties of affection. In everything they encounter, they live in the realm of feelings. When such a person’s nonbelieving relative dies, they will cry for three days and not allow the body to be buried. They still have feelings for the deceased and their feelings are too acute. You could say that feelings are this person’s fatal flaw. They are constrained by their feelings in all matters, they are incapable of practicing the truth or acting according to principle, and they are often prone to rebel against God. Feelings are their greatest weakness, their fatal flaw, and their feelings are entirely able to bring them to ruin and destroy them. People who are overly sentimental are incapable of putting the truth into practice or submitting to God. They are preoccupied with the flesh and they are foolish and muddleheaded. It is that sort of person’s nature to be very sentimental, and they live by their feelings” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know Man’s Nature). “What characterizes feelings? Certainly not anything positive. It is a focus on physical relationships and satisfying the predilections of the flesh. Favoritism, defending other people’s shortcomings, doting, pampering, and indulging all fall under feelings. Some people place great stock in feelings, they react to whatever happens to them based on their feelings; in their hearts, they know full well this is wrong, and yet are still incapable of being objective, much less of acting according to principle. When people are always constrained by feelings, are they capable of practicing the truth? This is extremely difficult! Many people’s inability to practice the truth comes down to feelings; they regard feelings as especially important, they put them in the first place. Are they people who love the truth? Certainly not. What are feelings, in essence? They are a kind of corrupt disposition. The manifestations of feelings can be described using several words: favoritism, unprincipled protection of others, maintenance of physical relationships, and partiality; these are what feelings are” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Truth Reality?). God exposes that very sentimental people are constrained by feelings in all things. They cannot practice the truth and cannot do things according to principle. Even though in their hearts, they are well aware that what they are doing is incorrect, they still cannot handle their work with impartiality. I was a very sentimental person, and I had revealed my feelings in my interactions with Yang Guang. When I had just started doing text-based duties, I often lived in negativity and thought about abandoning my duty. It was Yang Guang who, time after time, had patiently helped me so that I had the faith to do my duty. I felt that she had been good to me and had shown me kindness. After I became team leader, I had seen that Yang Guang was constantly living amidst her affection for her family, which was hindering the work. However, I hadn’t dismissed her, but had even protected her. I hadn’t reported her true situation to the leaders, and had given her chance after chance so that she could continue doing duties. As a result, this had delayed the work. After I became a leader in the church, I had seen that Yang Guang consistently did not bear a burden in her duty and should be dismissed, but I had been mindful of the kindness she had shown me. When I had thought about the help she had given me, I couldn’t bear to dismiss her, and continued protecting her based on feelings. I had kept giving Yang Guang chance after chance, but this brought disruption and disturbance to the work. I realized that acting based on feelings could only result in me resisting God and betraying God. I blamed myself heavily for my behavior, and hated myself for living in fleshly feelings and not protecting the work of the church. I prayed to God, “Dear God! I don’t want to act based on feelings anymore. I must practice in accordance with principles and protect the work of the church. May You lead me so that I am able to practice the truth.” Afterward, I discussed the matter with the sister I was partnered with and dismissed Yang Guang. Only then did I feel at ease in my heart.

Afterward, I read God’s words exposing the traditional idea of “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid,” and gained some understanding of my state. God says: “The idea that a kindness received should be gratefully repaid is one of the classic criteria in Chinese traditional culture for judging whether a person’s conduct is moral or immoral. When evaluating whether someone’s humanity is good or bad, and how moral their conduct is, one of the benchmarks is whether they return the favors or help that they receive—whether or not they are someone who gratefully repays the kindness they receive. Within Chinese traditional culture, and within the traditional culture of mankind, people treat this as an important measure of moral conduct. If someone does not understand that a kindness received should be gratefully repaid, and they are ungrateful, then they are considered to be devoid of conscience and unworthy of associating with, and should be despised, spurned or rejected by all. On the other hand, if someone does understand that a kindness received should be gratefully repaid—if they are grateful and return the favors and help they receive with every means at their disposal—they are deemed a person of conscience and humanity. If somebody receives benefits or help from another person, but does not repay them, or just expresses a little gratitude to them with a simple ‘thank you’ and nothing more, what will the other person think? Might they feel uneasy about it? Might they think, ‘That guy doesn’t deserve to be helped, he’s not a good person. If that’s how he responds when I’ve helped him so much, then he has no conscience or humanity, and isn’t worth associating with’? If they ran into this kind of person again, would they still help them? They wouldn’t wish to, at least. Wouldn’t you, in similar circumstances, wonder whether you really ought to help or not? The lesson you would have learned from your previous experience would be, ‘I can’t help just anybody out—they have to understand that a kindness received should be gratefully repaid. If they’re the ungrateful type who won’t repay me for the help I’ve given them, then I’m better off not helping.’ Wouldn’t that be your view on the matter? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (7)). “Before you had comprehended the truth, you lived by your conscience and no matter who bestowed kindness on you or helped you, even if they were evil people or gangsters, you would definitely repay them, and felt compelled to take a bullet for your friends and even put your life on the line for them. Men should enslave themselves to their benefactors as repayment, while women should pledge themselves in marriage and bear children for them—this is the idea that traditional culture impresses upon people, commanding them to gratefully repay kindness received. As a result, people think, ‘Only people who repay kindness have a conscience, and if they do not repay kindness, then they must lack conscience and be inhuman.’ This idea is firmly rooted in people’s hearts” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (7)). After reading God’s words, I realized that when I had been constantly mindful of the kindness that Yang Guang had shown me and didn’t dismiss her, I was being bound by the traditional cultural idea of “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid.” When I was very young, I often heard my grandmother say, “In your self-conduct, you need to understand gratitude. You need to know that ‘A kindness received should be gratefully repaid.’ If you don’t know that you should repay kindness, you will be an ungrateful person, and nobody will want to associate with you.” My mother conducted herself in this way. I remember that when my younger brother was ill, we spent all our family savings. The people in the village all collected funds to help our family. My mother remembered the kindness of the other villagers, and at the autumn harvest each year, she would rush to finish our family’s work so she could go and help the other villagers with their work. The people in the village all said that my mother had good humanity and was worth associating with. At the time, my mother often told me that the other villagers had helped us when we were in difficulty, and so we had to be grateful. Whenever anyone was in difficulty, we should lend a hand to help, and really couldn’t lack conscience. Gradually, this had colored my thinking and I too had come to believe that only people who understood that “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid” were good people, and that if someone didn’t understand the importance of repaying a kindness, then they had no conscience and were not worth associating with. After I started believing in God, Yang Guang had helped me and supported me on multiple occasions whenever I had difficulties, or was negative and weak. As a result, I’d thought that I had to repay this kindness and so, when I’d needed to dismiss her, I had protected her in violation of principles. I had given her chance after chance, and as a result, I delayed the work of the church. I had repaid the kindness, but the work of the church had been disturbed. I had been living by the traditional cultural idea of “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid,” and hadn’t applied the slightest ounce of principle in how I conducted myself or how I did things. I realized that the view of “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid” was not a positive thing, and did not accord with the truth.

I read another passage of God’s words, and got a clearer view of the fallaciousness of the idea that “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid.” God says: “Statements on moral conduct like ‘A kindness received should be gratefully repaid’ do not tell people exactly what their responsibilities are within society and among mankind. Instead, they are a way of binding or forcing people to act and think in a certain way, regardless of whether they want to or not, and no matter the circumstances or context in which these acts of kindness befall them. There are plenty of examples like this from ancient China. For example, a starving beggar boy got taken in by a family who fed him, clothed him, trained him in martial arts, and taught him all kinds of knowledge. They waited until he had grown up, and then started using him as a source of income, sending him out to do evil, to kill people, to do things that he didn’t want to do. If you look at his story in light of all the favors he received, then him being saved was a good thing. But if you consider what he was forced to do later, was it really good or bad? (It was bad.) But under the conditioning of traditional culture like ‘A kindness received should be gratefully repaid,’ people cannot make this distinction. On the surface, it appears that the boy had no choice but to do evil things and hurt people, to become a killer—things that most people would not wish to do. But didn’t the fact that he did these bad things and killed at the behest of his master come, deep down, from a desire to repay him for his kindness? Particularly due to the conditioning of Chinese traditional culture such as ‘A kindness received should be gratefully repaid,’ people can’t help but be influenced and controlled by these ideas. The way that they act, and the intentions and motivations behind their actions are certainly constrained by them. When the boy was put in that situation, what would his first thought have been? ‘I was saved by this family, and they have been good to me. I can’t be ungrateful, I must repay their kindness. I owe my life to them, so I must devote it to them. I should do whatever they ask of me, even if that means doing evil and killing people. I cannot consider whether it is right or wrong, I must simply repay their kindness. Would I still be worthy of being called human if I didn’t?’ As a result, whenever the family wanted him to murder someone or do something bad, he did it without any hesitation or reservations. So weren’t his conduct, actions, and unquestioning obedience all dictated by the idea and view that ‘A kindness received should be gratefully repaid’? Wasn’t he fulfilling that criterion of moral conduct? (Yes.) What do you see from this example? Is the saying ‘A kindness received should be gratefully repaid’ a good thing, or not? (It’s not, there is no principle to it.) Actually, a person who repays a kindness does have a principle. Namely, that a kindness received should be gratefully repaid. If someone does you a kindness, you must do one in return. If you fail to do so, then you are not human and there is nothing that you can say if you are condemned for it. The saying goes: ‘The kindness of a drop of water should be repaid with a gushing spring,’ but in this case, the boy received not a small act of kindness but a life-saving kindness, so he had all the more reason to repay it with a life in return. He did not know what the limits or principles of repaying kindness were. He believed that his life had been given to him by that family, so he had to devote it to them in return, and do whatever they demanded of him, including murder or other acts of evil. This way of repaying kindness has no principles or limits. He served as an accomplice to evildoers and ruined himself in the process. Was it right for him to repay kindness in this way? Of course not. It was a foolish way of doing things” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (7)). Through God’s words, I saw that once people have been infused by Satan with the idea that “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid,” they repay this kindness indiscriminately, in spite of everything, and regardless of right and wrong. They act without principle, and without any hint of a bottom line in their conscience. I was living by the idea that “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid.” In order to repay Yang Guang for the help she had given me, I had not only failed to dismiss her, but had even helped her and given her chance after chance even though I had clearly been aware that she was not suited to doing duties. As a result, the work of the church was delayed. I had been tied and bound by the idea that “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid” and did not have the ability to discern right from wrong. I had acted in violation of principles and delayed the work of the church. I had been so muddled! If it hadn’t been for the exposure of God’s words, and if I hadn’t discerned it in accordance with God’s words, I would still believe that what I had done was correct, unaware that I had been harmed by traditional culture.

One day in April 2023, the leaders sent a letter asking me to write an evaluation of Yang Guang. I thought of what the sister who had been partnered with Yang Guang recently had said: that when duties were arranged for Yang Guang, she didn’t accept them, and even said that asking her to do duties was denying her freedom. Yang Guang hadn’t been doing her duties, right up to the present time, in addition to some of her behavior when doing her duty previously. I knew that if I wrote all of this, then Yang Guang would very likely be cleared out. If she found out that I had provided information on her behavior, would she hate me? Would she think that I lacked a human touch? But then, if I didn’t write it down I would lose a chance to practice the truth. This is an offense to God. That night, I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. As I sought and pondered, I thought of a passage of God’s words and looked it up to read. God says: “At times, God will use Satan’s services to help people, but we must be sure to thank God in such cases and not repay kindness to Satan—this is a question of principle. When temptation comes in the form of an evil person bestowing kindness, you must first be clear about exactly who is helping you out and providing assistance, what your own situation is, and whether there are other paths you can take. You must deal with such cases in a flexible way. If God wants to save you, no matter whose services He uses to accomplish it, you should first thank God and accept it from God. You should not direct your gratitude solely toward people, to say nothing of offering up your life to someone in gratitude. This is a grave mistake. The crucial thing is that your heart is grateful to God, and you accept it from Him” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (7)). After reading the words of God, my heart felt liberated all of a sudden. I had always been grateful to Yang Guang, and believed that the reason I had not abandoned my duty back then was that Yang Guang had given me fellowship and help. In my heart, I was never able to let go of this kindness, and wanted to repay her. I truly was so foolish and blind! God is sovereign over and ordains what duty a person can do and when they do a certain duty. When Yang Guang helped me, that had been orchestrated and arranged by God. I shouldn’t have attributed all the kindness to Yang Guang. It was God who I should have thanked.

I read more of God’s words: “In all actuality, regardless of whether or not you repay them, you are still human and still live within the framework of normal humanity—such repayment will not change a thing. Your humanity will not undergo change and your corrupt disposition will not be subdued just because you repaid them well. Likewise, your corrupt disposition will not worsen just because you repaid them poorly. The fact of whether you repay and bestow kindness or otherwise has absolutely no connection to your corrupt disposition. Of course, regardless of whether or not a connection exists, for Me, this kind of ‘kindness’ simply does not exist, and I hope the same is true for you. How should you regard it, then? Simply regard it as an obligation and a responsibility, and something that a person with human instincts should do. You should treat it as your responsibility and obligation as a human being, and do it to the best of your ability. That is all” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (7)). “By what principle do God’s words ask that people treat others? Love what God loves, and hate what God hates: This is the principle that should be adhered to. God loves those who pursue the truth and are able to follow His will; these are also the people that we should love. Those who are not able to follow God’s will, who hate and rebel against God—these people are detested by God, and we should detest them, too. This is what God asks of man” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). After pondering God’s words, I understood that with God there is simply no such thing as “kindness.” You should not repay kindnesses to people who have helped you without regard to any bottom line. Instead, you should fulfill your responsibilities to the best of your abilities, but you must not violate the truth principle. If something violates the truth principle, you should refuse to do it, and practice in accordance with God’s demands. As for people who pursue the truth and are willing to do their duty, even if they do reveal corruption, you should try your best to help them with a loving heart, as long as they are willing to repent and change. You should not look at whether they have helped you or whether they have shown kindness to you. As for people who do not pursue the truth, are unwilling to do their duty, do not repent and change even after repeated fellowship, and even continue to do evil, they are the objects of God’s hatred. We should also reject them and hate them. As for Yang Guang, I had helped her a lot, but she simply wouldn’t engage. After several years, she still hadn’t shown the slightest change. She had believed in God for many years, but did not practice the truth and was unwilling to do her duty. She was one of the disbelievers revealed by God’s work. I had to practice in accordance with principles, love what God loves, and hate what God hates. Therefore, I wrote the evaluation of Yang Guang. After the evaluation was passed on, my heart felt at ease. Later, Yang Guang was cleared out.

Through my experiences in this period of time, I gained some discernment of the traditional idea that “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid,” and experienced how the way that God dissects the fallacies of traditional culture is His salvation of mankind. If I had not read the words of God, I would still have constantly been living by the traditional idea that “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid,” and I don’t know how many things that violated the truth and resisted God I would have done. That I was able to effect this small change is a result achieved by the words of God. Thank God!