By Chang Xing, China

Over my years of faith, I have primarily done text-based duties, and over time, most brothers and sisters came to admire and look up to me. I felt that God had really graced me, and I was always motivated in my duty. But without comparison, there is no contrast. When I saw brothers and sisters of my age who’d been in the faith for a similar length of time serving as leaders and supervisors, my mindset changed. I felt that being a leader or supervisor was more prestigious and prominent, and I thought about how great it would be if I could become a leader or supervisor one day.

In April 2022, I was organizing documents for clearing people out in the church. One time, Li Wei came to lead a gathering for us. I noticed that she was about the same age as me, around thirty years old. When I learned that she was a district leader, I was both astonished and envious, thinking, “Li Wei is so young and already a district leader! If she was chosen as a leader, it must mean she has the best caliber and that she pursues the truth the most in the district’s churches. The brothers and sisters must all look up to her. If I too could become a leader or supervisor like her, the brothers and sisters would surely look up to me as well.” But when I thought about how, after all these years of faith, the highest position I’d managed to reach was just a team leader, I felt a bit disappointed, thinking, “If the brothers and sisters find out that I’ve never been a church leader after all these years of faith, will they think that I’m not someone who pursues the truth? Everyone’s duty is arranged and ordained by God, so why did God ordain that Li Wei could become a leader, while I’m only able to do text-based duties?” It just so happened that at that time, the church was about to elect a leader. I thought to myself, “I’ve believed in God for over a decade, and throughout all these years, I’ve been doing text-based duties. I understand some truths and can resolve some issues, so couldn’t I also train as a church leader?” I was hoping that others would recommend me, but in the end, no one did. I felt a bit disappointed. But then I thought, “Well, people here haven’t been around me much and don’t know me well. Besides, I’ve never served as a leader or worker and lack work experience. If I really were given a leader’s duty, I might not do it well.” So I gave up on the thought.

In January 2023, due to work reassignments, I began screening articles. When I saw my supervisor Li Qing, I felt quite upset, thinking, “Li Qing is the same age as me. We both started believing in God in college, and a few years ago, when I was a team leader, Li Qing was just a team member. But after just a few years apart, she’s now supervising the text-based work, while I’m just a team member. When the brothers and sisters see that Li Qing is so young yet already a supervisor, they must think she has good caliber and pursues the truth. I’ve believed in God for so many years, so why haven’t I had the chance to be a supervisor? I used to feel that God had really graced me because I’d been doing text-based duties. But compared to these brothers and sisters who are able to serve as leaders, workers, or supervisors, I’m still an ordinary believer. Doesn’t it seem like I don’t pursue the truth? If things carry on like this, no one will look up to me!” Thinking about this, complaints started to emerge within me, “Why does God grace others but not me?” When I did my duties after this, I became a bit passive. I saw Li Qing fellowshipping to address the states of brothers and sisters and resolve problems in the work, and when she did, everyone would listen intently, and sometimes people even took notes. The sight of this made my heart become tinged with a mixture of jealousy and envy, as well as a refusal to accept this situation, and when Li Qing was fellowshipping, I didn’t want to listen. Later, I realized my state was wrong. When I saw Li Qing had become a supervisor, I felt jealous and unaccepting, and I even complained about how God hadn’t made me a supervisor. Was I not lacking in submission to God in this? So I sought the truth to resolve my problem.

One day, I read some of God’s words: “The identity, status, and essence of God can never be equated with the identity, status, and essence of man, nor will these things ever undergo any change—God will forever be God, and man will forever be man. If a person is able to understand this, what should they then do? They should submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements—this is the most rational way to go about things, and besides this, there is no other path that can be chosen. If you don’t submit then you are rebellious, and if you are defiant and argue, then you are being outrageously rebellious, and you should be destroyed. Being able to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements shows that you have reason; this is the attitude people must have, and only this is the attitude created beings should have. For example, say that you have a little cat or dog—is that cat or dog qualified to demand that you buy it various kinds of tasty foods or fun toys? Are there any cats or dogs that are so unreasonable as to make demands of their owners? (No.) And is there any dog that would choose not to be with its owner after seeing that a dog in someone else’s house has a better life than it does? (No.) Their natural instinct is to think, ‘My owner gives me food and a place to stay, so I must watch over the house for my owner. Even if my owner doesn’t give me food or gives me food that’s not very nice, I must still watch over their home.’ The dog has no other improper thoughts of going beyond their station. Whether its owner is good to it or not, the dog is so happy whenever its owner comes home, its tail constantly wagging, as happy as can be. Whether its owner likes it or not, whether its owner buys it tasty things to eat or not, it always acts the same toward its owner, and it still watches over their home. Judging based on this, are people not worse than dogs? (Yes.) People are always making demands of God, and always rebelling against Him. What’s the root of this problem? It is that people have corrupt dispositions, they cannot stay in the place of created beings, and so they lose their instincts and become Satans; their instincts turn into a satanic instinct to oppose God, to reject the truth, to do evil, and to not submit to God. How can their human instincts be recovered? They must be made to have a conscience and reason, to do the things that a person ought to do, to do the duty they ought to do. It’s like how a dog guards a home, and a cat catches mice—no matter how their owner treats them, they use all the strength they have to do these things, they throw themselves into these tasks, and they stay in their place and make full use of their instincts, and so their owner likes them” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). God exposes that after humans are corrupted by Satan, they lose their conscience and reason, and are filled with rebellion against God. They are even worse than cats and dogs. Just think about cats and dogs: Whether their owner feeds them well or poorly, whether they let them sleep on the sofa or out under the eaves, they are always dedicated to catching mice or guarding the house for their owner, making the most of their instincts. Comparing this to myself, although I hadn’t done the duty of a leader or worker, I’d still enjoyed the watering and provision of God’s words all the same, and when I faced difficulties and relied on and looked to God, I received His guidance and leadership. God hadn’t shown the slightest partiality against me, but I was always making demands of God. When I saw some brothers and sisters chosen as leaders or supervisors, I complained about God. I felt that God was gracing others but not me. To have been making these demands of God showed I had no reason and was rebelling against Him. Realizing these things, I felt somewhat ashamed, and I became willing to set my focus on my duty and do it in a down-to-earth manner.

Two months later, another supervisor, Brother Chen Yu, was reassigned due to his poor caliber. I saw that another opportunity had arisen. Since Chen Yu had been dismissed, they would definitely need to elect a new supervisor. Among the brothers and sisters cooperating together, in terms of caliber and work capability, I stood out a little more. The likelihood of me being chosen as the supervisor was higher. I thought, “I need to seize this opportunity to perform well. If I get chosen and everyone sees that I’ve been made a supervisor at such a young age, they’ll surely think I have good caliber and pursue the truth. How glorious that will be!” I was very proactive in my duty from then on. I’d get everyone together to study techniques and also participate in discussions to solve work problems. One time, while doing my duty, due to my arrogance and self-righteousness, I violated principles and was pruned. I thought to myself, “Whether someone can accept being pruned is an important manifestation for judging whether they accept the truth. I have to be more sincere in knowing myself. That way, everyone will have a good impression of me, and then the chances of me being chosen as a supervisor will increase!” So I responded by saying, “Your pruning is appropriate, and I am willing to accept it. My disposition is indeed too arrogant, and if you notice my problems, please give me guidance, as this will benefit me.” Not long after, the team had to select a supervisor, and sure enough, a brother recommended me. But before the final election, the leaders promoted me to another duty. Although my wish to become a supervisor fell through, I was still very happy to be promoted.

It wasn’t until September 2023, when I received a letter from the leaders, that I finally began to reflect on my pursuit of status. The letter said that Supervisor Li Qing had recently gone home to see a doctor, but before returning home, she’d complained that doing her duties away from home was too difficult, and after returning home, she got married to a nonbeliever just over a month later, and she no longer wanted to do her duties. I was shocked, thinking, “Li Qing’s been doing her duties away from home all these years, and she was serving as supervisor, such an important job. How could she suddenly drop her duty and run off with a nonbeliever?” This incident had a big impact on me. It became apparent to me that having status doesn’t mean someone pursues the truth, nor does it mean that God approves of or acknowledges them. I thought of these words of God: “I decide the destination of each person not on the basis of age, seniority, amount of suffering, and least of all, the degree to which they invite pity, but according to whether they possess the truth. There is no other choice but this” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). God’s words are very clear. God determines people’s outcomes based on whether they possess the truth, not based on their status, seniority, or how much they’ve suffered. I fundamentally hadn’t accepted God’s words into my heart, and I hadn’t set the truth as the goal of my pursuit. Although I’d seen many leaders and workers who didn’t pursue the truth or do actual work, and who became false leaders and were dismissed, and although I’d seen some attacking and excluding dissenters in their stubborn pursuit of status and going on to become antichrists and be expelled, I still didn’t come to any realizations, and didn’t put effort into pursuing the truth. Instead, I remained fixated on status. I constantly wanted to pursue status. I was truly foolish and intransigent! Only at this moment did I make up my mind to properly seek the truth to resolve my problem of constantly pursuing status.

Later, during my devotionals, I read these words of God: “Why do you treasure status so much? What benefits can you get from status? If status brought you disaster, difficulties, embarrassment, and pain, would you still treasure it? (No.) There are so many benefits that come from having status, things like envy, respect, esteem, and flattery from other people, as well as their admiration and reverence. There is also the sense of superiority and privilege that your status brings you, which gives you pride and a sense of self-worth. In addition, you can also enjoy things that others do not, such as the benefits of status and special treatment. These are the things you dare not even think of, and are what you have longed for in your dreams. Do you treasure these things? If status is merely hollow, with no real significance, and defending it serves no real purpose, is it not foolish to treasure it? If you can let go of things such as interests and enjoyments of the flesh, then fame, gain, and status will no longer tie you down” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part Two)). “When you are given status in the mind of someone else, then when they are in your company, they are deferential toward you, and especially polite when they talk to you. They always look up to you, they always let you go first in all things, they give way to you, and they flatter and obey you. In all things, they seek you out and let you make decisions. And you get a sense of enjoyment from this—you feel that you are stronger and better than anyone else. Everyone likes this feeling. This is the feeling of having status in someone’s heart; people wish to indulge in this. This is why people vie for status, and all wish to be given status in others’ hearts, to be esteemed and worshiped by others. If they could not derive such enjoyment from it, they would not pursue status. For example, if you do not have status in someone’s mind, they would engage with you on an equal footing, treating you as an equal. They would contradict you when necessary, they would not be courteous or respectful toward you, and might even leave before you have finished speaking. Would you feel put out? You do not like it when people treat you like this; you like it when they flatter you, look up to you, and worship you at every moment. You like it when you are the center of everything, everything revolves around you, and everyone listens to you, looks up to you, and submits to your direction. Is this not a desire to reign as a king, to have power? Your words and actions are driven by the pursuit and acquisition of status, and you contend, grasp, and compete with others for it. Your goal is to seize a position, and have God’s chosen people listen to you, support you, and worship you. Once you have taken hold of that position, you have then acquired power and can enjoy the benefits of status, admiration from others, and all other advantages that come with that position” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). After reading God’s words, I understood that the reason why I envied Li Wei as a leader and Li Qing as a supervisor was really that I envied how after becoming a leader and a supervisor, they were supported and admired by others. I envied the sense of superiority and benefits that came with status. Just like before I started believing in God, I would see leaders out in the world, and I saw that everyone greeted them with respect, that whatever opinion they expressed, their subordinates would obey and comply, and that they had a strong sense of superiority among the crowd. I thought that only living like this made a person dignified and successful. After I started believing in God, I saw Li Wei and Li Qing becoming a leader and a supervisor at a young age, and I thought the brothers and sisters all admired and envied them, praising them for their good caliber and pursuit of the truth, and so I longed to become a leader or worker too. That way, I could receive the admiration and envy of the brothers and sisters, and they would listen to me attentively when I spoke in a crowd. How dignified and significant such a life would be! I saw that my desire to be a leader or supervisor wasn’t to bear a heavy burden and be considerate of God’s intentions, but rather to gain status and then have prestige among others, to enjoy the support and admiration of the brothers and sisters. Was this not the same as how nonbelievers pursue positions of power and leadership? What I was pursuing was the indulgence of the benefits of status. How could I possibly attain the truth and be saved this way?

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “God likes people who pursue the truth, and the people He loathes the most are those who pursue fame, gain, and status. Some people really cherish status and reputation, are deeply attached to them, can’t bear to give them up. They always feel that without status and reputation there is no joy or hope in living, that there is only hope in this life when they are living for status and reputation, and even if they have a bit of renown, they will carry on fighting, never giving up. If this is the thought and view you have, if your heart is filled with such things, then you are incapable of loving and pursuing the truth, you lack the right direction and aims in your faith in God, and are incapable of pursuing the knowledge of yourself, casting off corruption and living out the image of man; you let things slide when doing your duty, you are devoid of any sense of responsibility, and are satisfied only with not committing evil, not causing disturbance, not being cleared out. Could such people do their duty to an acceptable standard? And could they be saved by God? Impossible. When you act for the sake of reputation and status, you even think, ‘As long as what I do isn’t an evil deed and doesn’t constitute a disturbance, then even if my motive is wrong, no one can see it or condemn me.’ You do not know that God scrutinizes all. If you do not accept or practice the truth, and are spurned by God, it is all over for you. All who do not have God-fearing hearts think themselves smart; in fact, they do not even know when they have offended Him. Some people do not see these things clearly; they think, ‘I only pursue reputation and status in order to do more, to take on more responsibility. It doesn’t constitute a disruption or disturbance to the church’s work, and it certainly doesn’t damage the interests of God’s house. It’s not a major problem. I simply love status and protect my status, but that’s not an evil act.’ On its surface, such a pursuit may seem not to be an act of evil, but what does it lead to in the end? Will such people gain the truth? Will they achieve salvation? Absolutely not. Therefore, pursuing reputation and status is not the right path—it runs in exactly the opposite direction of the pursuit of the truth. In sum, regardless of what the direction or target of your pursuit is, if you do not reflect on the pursuit of status and reputation, and if you find it very difficult to put this aside, then that will affect your life entry. As long as status has a place in your heart, it will totally control and influence your life’s direction and the goals you strive for, in which case it will be very difficult for you to enter the truth reality, to say nothing of achieving changes in your disposition; whether you are ultimately able to gain God’s approval, of course, goes without saying. What’s more, if you are never able to put aside your pursuit of status, this will affect your ability to do your duty in a way that is up to standard, which will make it very difficult for you to become a created being that is up to standard. Why do I say this? God loathes nothing more than when people pursue status, because the pursuit of status is a satanic disposition, it is a wrong path, it is born of the corruption of Satan, it is something condemned by God, and it is the very thing that God judges and purifies. God loathes nothing more than when people pursue status, and yet you still mulishly compete for status, you unfailingly cherish and protect it, always trying to take it for yourself. And in nature, is all of this not antagonistic to God? Status is not ordained for people by God; God provides people with the truth, the way, and the life, so that they ultimately become a created being that is up to standard, a small and insignificant created being—not someone who has status and prestige and is revered by thousands of people. And so, no matter what perspective it is viewed from, the pursuit of status is a dead end. No matter how reasonable your excuse for pursuing status is, this path is still the wrong one, and is not approved of by God. No matter how hard you try or how great the price you pay, if you desire status, God will not give it to you; if it’s not given by God, you will fail in fighting to obtain it, and if you keep fighting there will only be one outcome: You will be revealed and eliminated, and you will meet with a dead end” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God’s words clearly explain the harm and consequences involved in pursuing status. If a person is constantly fixated on status, then even if they don’t seem to create any obvious disruptions or disturbances it will still hinder them from doing their duties well, and moreover, it will delay their pursuit of dispositional transformation and salvation. Reflecting on my own behavior, I saw that although I didn’t seem to do anything that disturbed or disrupted the church’s work, my heart was constantly occupied by the desire for status. When I saw that Li Wei had become a leader and that Li Qing had become a supervisor, my heart became unbalanced, and I felt disappointed and upset for not having been promoted. I also complained that God was gracing others but not me. When I saw Li Qing become a supervisor while I was still just a team member in particular, I became jealous, unaccepting, and unwilling to listen to her fellowship, and I stopped putting my heart into my duty. After Chen Yu was reassigned in his duty, I actively tried to present myself to be chosen as a supervisor. When my arrogance and self-righteousness in my duty led to my being pruned, I pretended to know myself so that others would think I could accept the truth, hoping they would vote for me during the election. I realized that my intentions and actions were all to gain status, and that I was walking the path of an antichrist! From God’s words, I also understood that God’s expression of the truth to save people is in the hope that people will properly pursue the truth and dispositional change, ultimately becoming up to standard as a created being, and that it is not for them to become people of any kind of prestige or status. I didn’t understand God’s intentions. I was always discontented with being just an ordinary believer, and I didn’t focus on pursuing the truth; I always wanted to seek status to make others admire and worship me. This was completely contrary to God’s intentions. If I carried on like this, my life disposition could never change, I would never do my duties in a way that was up to standard, and ultimately, I would just end up being eliminated.

Later, upon reflection, I realized that my constant pursuit of status stemmed from a wrong viewpoint inside me. I believed that leaders and supervisors were the ones who pursued the truth the most in a group, and that because I’d always been just an ordinary believer, and never been a leader or supervisor, this meant I didn’t pursue the truth, and that God didn’t approve of me. By reading God’s words, I gained some discernment of this fallacious viewpoint. Almighty God says: “When someone is elected to be a leader by the brothers and sisters, or is promoted by the house of God to do a certain piece of work or perform a certain duty, this does not mean that they have a special status or position, or that the truths they understand are deeper and more numerous than those of other people—much less that this person is able to submit to God, and will not betray Him. Certainly, it does not mean, either, that they know God, and are someone who fears God. They have attained none of this, in fact. The promotion and cultivation is merely promotion and cultivation in the straightforward sense, and is not equivalent to them having been predestined and approved of by God. Their promotion and cultivation simply means they have been promoted, and await cultivation. And the ultimate outcome of this cultivation depends on whether this person pursues the truth, and on whether they are capable of choosing the path of pursuing the truth” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). After reading God’s words, my heart felt brighter. Being chosen as a leader or supervisor doesn’t mean that a person pursues the truth, nor does it mean they are on the path of pursuing the truth. It simply means that this person is willing to pursue, possesses some caliber, and meets the conditions for being selected and used by God’s house, so the church gives them the opportunity to train better. However, whether this person can ultimately embark on the path of pursuing the truth, and whether they can attain the truth and enter into reality depends on whether they truly pursue the truth and on the path they walk. Take Li Qing, for example. She was initially chosen as a supervisor because she had a sense of burden in her duties, but after becoming a supervisor, she didn’t focus on pursuing the truth and began to revel in the benefits of status. She rarely talked about the corrupt dispositions she revealed in her duties, or how she sought the truth to resolve them. She enjoyed standing in the position of a supervisor and directing work, and she relished people’s admiration and endorsement. When she became ill, she thought that doing her duties away from home was too difficult, and eventually, she gave up her duties, went home, and got married. I also thought of a time recently when a leader, who had believed in God for many years, was arrested. Fearing he would be sentenced and unable to let go of his children, he signed the “Three Statements” and betrayed God. From these facts, I saw that having status doesn’t mean a person pursues the truth or has truth realities, much less that a person is approved of or acknowledged by God. The pursuit of the truth is the only path to being saved and perfected, and even without status, as long as a person earnestly pursues the truth and does their duties, they can still receive God’s enlightenment and guidance, understand the truth, and enter into reality. Afterward, I pondered, “Why haven’t I been chosen as a leader or supervisor after all these years of believing in God? What exactly am I lacking?” Being a leader or supervisor requires a person to have the caliber to comprehend the truth, to grasp principles in duties, and to possess a sense of burden and work capability. Although I had some comprehension ability of God’s words, I found my flesh overpowering me, that I lacked a sense of burden in my duties, and that I had poor work capability. When there was too much work, I got flustered and couldn’t grasp key points, and I was also no good at discovering and solving problems. Judging by these behaviors, I was truly not suited to be a leader or supervisor. Moreover, through this period of reflection, I saw that in all my years of faith, I’d been continually pursuing reputation and status, and that I wasn’t someone who pursues the truth at all. Even at this point, I didn’t have any truth reality and I couldn’t fellowship the truth to solve the brothers’ and sisters’ real problems. So it was indeed appropriate that I hadn’t been chosen as a leader or supervisor. With the church arranging for me to do text-based duties, this was God gracing and elevating me, and I should thank God.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words and came to a better understanding of God’s intentions and requirements. Almighty God says: “When God requires that people fulfill their duty well, He is not asking them to complete a certain number of tasks or accomplish any great endeavors, nor to perform any great undertakings. What God wants is for people to be able to do all they can in a down-to-earth way, and live in accordance with His words. God does not need you to be great or noble, or bring about any miracles, nor does He want to see any pleasant surprises in you. He does not need such things. All God needs is for you to steadfastly practice according to His words. When you listen to God’s words, do what you have understood, carry out what you have comprehended, remember well what you have heard, and then, when the time comes to practice, do so according to God’s words. Let them become your life, your realities, and what you live out. Thus, God will be satisfied. … You follow God, but of course this is also because God has chosen you—but what is the meaning of God choosing you? It is to change you into someone who trusts in God, who truly follows God, who can forsake everything for God, and who is able to follow the way of God; someone who has cast off their satanic disposition, no longer following Satan or living under its power” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). God’s word is full of reminders, encouragements, and admonitions, and it is all sincere advice from God’s innermost heart to people. I was deeply moved. God chooses people to follow Him with the hope that they will pursue the truth and dispositional change, submit to His sovereignty and arrangements, and contentedly and faithfully do their duties well. In this way, God will be satisfied. The work of God’s house can’t be completed by just one person, it requires leaders and workers to supervise the work, as well as brothers and sisters to do specific tasks. Only then can the church’s work progress normally. The church arranging for me to do text-based duties was based on a comprehensive evaluation of my talents, humanity, and caliber, and I should submit and do my duty well. This was the reason I should have. After understanding these things, I felt much more liberated and at ease, and when I saw brothers and sisters of the same age or younger, or who’d believed in God for less time than me becoming leaders or supervisors, I no longer felt resentful, nor did I feel despondent or disappointed for not having been made a leader or worker anymore. Now I tend to pay more attention to the corrupt dispositions I reveal, and during my devotionals, I seek the truth to resolve my corrupt dispositions. I also focus on putting more effort into my duties. I actively raise and discuss any problems I see in the work, and I focus on how to cooperate with my brothers and sisters so that we can do our duties well. Because my mindset was corrected, after some time, I made some gains in both my life entry and in my duties. Thank God!