By Zheng Ze, China

I come from a farming background, and my whole family depended on farming for a living. My husband and I spent every day with our faces to the yellow loess and our backs to the sky, working hard all year round for little reward. We had to rely on doing odd jobs in order to sustain our family’s normal expenditures. We were extremely hard up. Later, a relative pulled some strings and arranged for me to be a temporary worker in a nearby state-owned distillery. The formal workers in the factory did the light work, while we temporary workers mostly did the dirty and tiring work. However, our wages were half those of the formal workers. In the low season for production, we temporary workers would even be fired, and I had to find other jobs to do. Because I was unskilled, most of the jobs I found involved physical work and the work was not steady. One day I might have work to do, but the next day there might not be any work and I’d have to sit idle. I was very hard up. I often thought to myself, “It would be so good to have a stable job. I wouldn’t have to worry about finding work and would be able to earn more money and enjoy a more prosperous life.” Not long after, the distillery planned an expansion. Some of the land in our village was expropriated without compensation. However, as long as there were ten people in a family, the family would be given one quota position for formal employment at the distillery. There were over a dozen people in our family, and I was the only one to get work at the distillery. The neighbors were all very envious, and I felt very lucky, “I’ve become a formal employee of a state-owned enterprise at this young age. This is an enviable and secure job. I can get paid on time, and not only is my livelihood guaranteed, but I’ll get a pension when I’m old and benefits like pension insurance and medical insurance. I must work hard and keep this hard-won job.” At work, I worked extremely hard. I was never slippery and never slacked off. Not long afterward, I was selected to be team leader, with slightly better remuneration than other employees. I cherished my secure job even more. Especially in the peak season, when the distillery was very busy, I would often work over ten hours a day. I was so tired that my waist ached and my back was sore. I was weak from exertion. However, as soon as I thought about wages that were several times higher than normal, and benefits like a year-end bonus, I felt like the exhaustion was worth it. I worked for a decade in this way.

In fall 2005, my sister-in-law preached God’s gospel of the last days to me. Through eating and drinking the words of God, I found out that people were created by God, God is sovereign over the destiny of all mankind, and all mankind should believe in God and worship God. Later, I frequently gathered with brothers and sisters to eat and drink the words of God and sing hymns in praise of God. I enjoyed this, and my heart felt liberated. Soon afterward, I was able to do duties. I was responsible for the gatherings of three groups. At the time, it was the low season for sales in the distillery, and I only worked half days. I could also have a day off on Sundays. My job didn’t hinder me from going to gatherings or doing my duty.

When fall 2006 came around, the distillery was extremely busy. I had to work over ten hours a day at least. The distillery manager often said during meetings, “Now is the peak production season. As a team leader, you need to think of ways to complete your production quota within the specified time. You must not take leave, arrive late, or leave early during this time! If you don’t work hard, you’ll be gone!” When I heard this, I felt constrained in my heart. I was afraid that I would be fired if anything in the work wasn’t done well. Although I wanted to go to gatherings and do my duty, I simply couldn’t find the time. I was extremely conflicted, “I’m so busy that I can’t even attend gatherings. Is this what a believer in God should be like? If I frequently take leave to attend gatherings, my work will be delayed and I’ll be fired. If I lose this secure job, how can I guarantee my livelihood in the future? That won’t do. No matter what, I mustn’t lose this job. I’ll think about the gatherings after the peak season has passed.” Afterward, I dedicated myself heart and mind to my work. I worked from 7 a.m. to midnight every single day. Sometimes, I even worked overtime until one or two in the morning. I was so tired I was weak with exertion. When I got home, I fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow. I couldn’t even get around to praying or devotionals. Every day, my head was filled with thoughts about how to meet my production quota within the specified time. I worked like a machine, without stopping. Gradually, my heart became further and further away from God.

During this time, some unpleasant things came upon me. Because I disliked flattery and didn’t invite the director for dinner, I was only assigned dirty and tiring work. When my team members saw that the other teams were doing easier work, they would often complain to me, “Look at the other team leaders. They know what to say to make the director happy, and they get to do easy jobs. You’re too rigid, and you don’t give the director presents or cultivate your relationship with him; you don’t try to make him happy. We have to do all this dirty and tiring work because we’re in your team.” Sometimes, they would even deliberately go on strike to procrastinate, so the progress of the work was very slow. When the director saw this situation, he would reprimand me for leading a team that procrastinated in their work. I was very distressed. I was extremely tired to start off with due to the heavy daily workload; now with the employees and the director complaining to me as well, the torment left me exhausted both physically and mentally. I felt that life was simply too tiring. Sometimes, I was even so angry that I didn’t want to do the job anymore, but I had no option but to face up to it because of the security it offered. Feeling helpless, I just had to keep going.

In the blink of an eye, the peak season passed, and the distillery was less busy. I had originally wanted to have a good rest, but I ended up getting ill. I had a low fever that would not subside, my whole body lacked energy, and neither taking medicines nor having injections had any effect. I could only recuperate at home. Every time I got home from the hospital, I saw the crowds on the street passing in a constant stream of people, and envied others for their good health. Though I was busy and scrabbling about, earning a bit of money, without good health, what was the point? I suddenly realized that however much money I earned, it wasn’t as important as having good health. I thought back to before, when I went to gatherings and did my duty with my brothers and sisters. I felt very at ease in my heart then. I then looked at my current sickly state, unable to do any work at all, and I felt desolate and helpless. In my hour of distress, Sister Jiang Yu came to my house to support me and asked me to attend gatherings. In shame, I said, “How long has it been since I went to a gathering? Can I still even go to gatherings?” Jiang Yu said that I could, and arranged for several brothers and sisters to gather at my home. I agreed happily. On the day of the gathering, I knelt down and prayed to God. At that moment, I felt like I was a naughty and disobedient child: I had gotten lost away from home and suffered bitterly, but just when I was confused and at a loss, I returned to the embrace of my parents. Feelings of joy, shame, and indebtedness were all intertwined together, and I didn’t know how to express them. I cried painful tears and prayed to God, “Dear God, I have been too far from You and have rebelled against You too much. I do not know how to talk of my debt to You. All this time, the only thing I have been thinking about is work. I completely set aside gatherings and eating and drinking the words of God, and I just worked constantly like a machine all day long, exhausted in body and mind and enduring unspeakable suffering. Only now that I’m ill did I realize that living away from Your care and protection is like living as a walking corpse; it is a life of emptiness and pain. But You did not remember my transgressions, and even used my sister to help and support me. Thank You for the tolerance and mercy You have shown me! I am willing to return to You, gather with my brothers and sisters to eat and drink Your words, and do my duty to the best of my capability.” I saw that between my brothers and sisters, there were no barriers or conflicts, to say nothing of the kind of fierce rivalries that there were in the distillery. I felt that these were just two different worlds, and my heart felt peaceful and at ease. A month later, my illness cleared up almost without me realizing it. In my heart, I was extremely thankful to God.

Later, Jiang Yu came to my home to see me. When she heard my experience, she sang me a hymn of God’s words, “Man’s Fate Is Controlled by the Hands of God”: “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite man always rushing and busying himself on his own behalf, he remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a created being? In short, regardless of how God works, all His work is for the sake of man. Take, for example, the heavens and earth and all things that God created to serve man: The moon, the sun, and the stars that He made for man, the animals and plants, spring, summer, autumn and winter, and so on—all are made for the sake of man’s existence. And so, regardless of how God chastises and judges man, it is all for the sake of man’s salvation. Even though He strips man of his fleshly hopes, it is for the sake of purifying man, and the purification of man is done so that he may survive. The destination of man is in the hands of the Creator, so how could man control himself?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). Jiang Yu told me about her experience of how previously she had been extremely busy in order to earn money in the world and then came to the house of God after hitting a wall. She also said, “We humans are created beings and simply cannot control our own destiny. Even if we are busy and scrabble around relying on our own strength, the result will not necessarily be what we wish for. Now, God has become flesh and come to the human world to work for people’s salvation. Satan is also using monetary benefits and the pleasures of the flesh to win over and mislead people, causing their hearts to be occupied by the flesh and money; in the end they will fall into Satan’s net. We must equip ourselves with more of the truth—only then will we see through Satan’s schemes.” When I heard Jiang Yu fellowship in this way, I was very touched. I had always wanted to rely on my own hard work to do my job well, win the trust of the director, and hold onto my secure job, so that in the future my livelihood would be guaranteed. Because of this, I didn’t attend gatherings or do my duty; I constantly buried myself in hard work, and my heart was completely occupied by money. As a result, I not only failed to win the appreciation of the director, but also endured the torment of illness. The ordeal left me exhausted in body and mind and led to unspeakable suffering. Only then did I realize that however I planned, calculated, or worked hard, I was unable to change my destiny. I was living in reliance on the satanic rules of “Build a happy life with your own two hands,” and “It’s better to have a secure job than a lucrative job.” I wanted to obtain the life I wanted through my own efforts, but in the end, I hit walls and ended up frustrated at every turn. Ultimately, it ended in failure. Just as God says: “Despite man always rushing and busying himself on his own behalf, he remains incapable of controlling himself.” I truly was too blind and ignorant, too unaware of my own abilities! My numbed heart had been reawakened by what God’s words exposed, and I finally realized that the sickness and pain that had come upon me that time was chastening and discipline at God’s hands. More than that, it was God’s salvation of me. Otherwise, I would still have been bound by money and fallen into Satan’s net, unable to extricate myself.

In April 2007, I was elected as a leader in the church. At the time, it was still the low season. Work was relatively easy and quiet, and so it didn’t hinder me from going to gatherings or doing my duty. Later, something happened that affected me very much. Because the work in the distillery required us to spend long periods bending over and moving heavy items, and coming into contact with cold water, some older employees were left with occupational diseases. Most of them had lumbar disc herniation, rheumatism, cervical spondylosis, and so on. Some people were so seriously afflicted they were left paralyzed in bed, unable to care for themselves. Once, we were tensely busying ourselves with preparing production materials, when I saw an employee lying on the floor with an ashen complexion, desolation and helplessness in his eyes. My colleagues told me that this employee was suffering from an attack of cervical spondylosis. He was dizzy and vomited, and nearly fainted. In the past, he had worked with great vigor. I never thought that an attack of cervical spondylosis could knock someone down at any time. This made me realize that however strong a person is, they have no ability to resist when faced with illness. People are truly so insignificant and fragile! I thought about how although these older employees had earned some money, they had put half of their lives into it. No matter how good their benefits or remuneration, they would never be able to get their health back; still less could they resolve the pain brought by the torment of illness. Even if they had all the money in the world, what use would it be? Would their lives not still just be pain and emptiness? My cervical and lumbar vertebrae were both in bad shape, and I had rheumatism. If I carried on like this, would I end up paralyzed in bed one day? These older employees had worked hard for most of their lives to earn money. They hadn’t enjoyed a good life and had been left in unbearable pain by the torment of illness. This also gave me a reminder. If people do not worship God and don’t have God’s protection, they may be harmed by Satan at any time: Clutching onto a secure job cannot bring happiness. I started to waver, “Do I really want to continue doing this job?”

Not long afterward, I was elected to be a preacher. The leaders asked me if I was willing to do this duty. I considered that I would be even busier if I were a preacher, and would have barely any time to go to work. Would I have to quit my job? If I quit my job, I would have to live a hard life, but going to work would hinder the work of the church. I thought about how I was already indebted because in the past, I had abandoned my duty due to being busy with work. If I refused my duty again, wouldn’t that be too rebellious? Conflicted, I prayed to God multiple times to seek the most appropriate way to practice. Afterward, I read the words of God: “Now is the time when My Spirit performs great work, and the time when I commence My work among the Gentile nations. More than that, it is the time when I classify all created beings, putting each one into their respective category, so that My work may proceed more swiftly and effectively. And so, what I ask of you is still that you offer up your whole being to all My work, and, furthermore, that you clearly discern and make certain of all the work I have done in you, and put all your strength into My work so it can become more effective. This is what you must understand. Desist from fighting amongst yourselves, looking for a way back, or seeking fleshly comforts, which would delay My work, and delay your wonderful future. Far from protecting you, doing so would bring destruction upon you. Wouldn’t this be foolish of you? That which you greedily enjoy today is the very thing that is ruining your future, whereas the pain you suffer today is the very thing that is protecting you. You must be clearly aware of these things, so as to avoid falling prey to temptations from which you will be hard put to extricate yourself, and to evade blundering into the dense fog and being unable to find the sun. When the dense fog clears, you will find yourself amid the judgment of the great day” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Work of Spreading the Gospel Is Also the Work of Saving Man). God’s words made me understand that we are at a crucial juncture in spreading the gospel of the kingdom. If I only think about keeping hold of my secure job and pursuing a life of prosperity and plenty, then in the end, I will fall into the flesh and be devoured by Satan, losing my opportunity to be saved by God. I reflected on how in the past, although I had believed in God and gone to gatherings, I had not focused on pursuing the truth or fulfilling the responsibilities of a created being by doing my duty well. All I thought about was the pursuit of a good life of prosperity and plenty. I thought that by having this secure job, I wouldn’t have to worry about the costs of daily life, and I would have a safeguard in my old age. Therefore, I dedicated all of my effort and time to my work, dashing around and working hard from dawn till dusk, terrified that I would not fulfill my sales quota on time and lose my secure job. Whenever there was a conflict between work and doing my duty, I paid no heed at all to the work of the church. I let go of gatherings and my duty, and poured all my time and effort into keeping my secure job. As a result, this not only failed to bring me ease and peace of mind, but made me suffer the torment of illness, leaving me exhausted in body and mind and drifting further and further away from God. I thought about how God had graced me with the chance to train as a preacher for the sake of my own life growth, but I, not knowing what was good for me, refused my duty because I still wanted to sate myself on fleshly pleasures. I truly was absolutely lacking in conscience and reason! I thought about my nonbelieving colleagues in the distillery. They had not received the watering and provision of God’s words, and constantly worked hard and struggled. As a result, not only had they failed to attain the life they wanted, but some of them were even left paralyzed in bed, tormented in the agony of the illnesses that enveloped their bodies. These lessons from the past misfortunes of others were warnings and reminders to me! If I continued to persist in my obstinate ignorance, putting my hand on the plow while looking back, I would miss the once-in-a-millennium opportunity of God’s salvation of people in the last days. When the great catastrophes come, I would fall into the dark with the disbelievers, wailing and gnashing my teeth. During this time, when I encountered difficulties in doing my duty, I would pray to seek the truth, and my life made some progress, and I came to understand some truths. These were gains that I had never had before. When I thought about this, I accepted the duty of a preacher.

After becoming a preacher, I became busier and busier. After a time, the peak season arrived again. The times of my gatherings often conflicted with work, and it became harder and harder for me to ask for leave. Once, the director said to me unhappily, “If you’re going to ask for leave every single day, just quit!” When I heard the director say this, I felt constrained in my heart and began to waver, “If I want to do my duty well, I have to quit. But I’m still a bit reluctant to lose this secure job. I only became a formal employee in this state-owned enterprise with great difficulty. If I suggest quitting now, then my family will never agree no matter what. In a couple of years, my son will need to buy a house and get married: There are a lot of expenses coming up! If I really do quit, then I’ll have to live a life of poverty from now on. When I’m old, I’ll have to struggle even for basic living expenses.” As I wavered, I prayed to God many times to seek. I thought of what the Lord Jesus had said: “Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much better than they?” (Matthew 6:26). I also thought of God’s words: “Keep your thoughts on the work of the church. Put aside the prospects of your own flesh, be decisive about family matters, wholeheartedly devote yourself to the work of God, and put God’s work first and your own life second. This is the decency of a saint” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Ten Administrative Decrees That Must Be Obeyed by God’s Chosen People in the Age of Kingdom). God gave the fowls of the air the means for their survival. They do not need to spend all day rushing about merely to exist: They can survive without hard work all year round. I then thought about myself: The amount of money my son will spend on getting married and whether I will struggle for food and clothing in my old age is all within God’s sovereignty. What is the use of thinking so much about the future? I recalled that when Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt, they had nothing to eat when they arrived in the wilderness. God bestowed manna and quail upon them so that they could eat their fill. Some people, afraid that they would be hungry in the future, secretly kept some manna to eat later. But the next day, the manna had rotted. However, those who innocently obeyed God’s words, and who followed God wherever He led them, ended up being led by God to the promised land of Canaan. Now, I didn’t lack basic necessities: I should be content with just having food and clothing. However, I constantly worried that I wouldn’t have a way to sustain my livelihood in the future; I had too little faith in God. Now God is eager to save people, and spreading the gospel is a matter of top priority. Not only must we bring more people who are still struggling bitterly in the darkness before God, the newcomers also require timely watering so that they can put down solid roots in the true way. I should put my duty first and dedicate all my heart to my duty. Only this is in accordance with God’s intention. I therefore earnestly prayed to God on the matter of resigning from my job. I thought about how if I resigned on my own initiative, my family would definitely disagree, and they would strongly oppose and hinder me from doing my duty. As it happened, my lumbar vertebrae were uncomfortable, and so I used this as a reason to apply for long-term sick leave. After that, I didn’t really go to work anymore and I could dedicate all of my time to my duty.

Later, I read the words of God: “As someone who is normal, and who pursues the love for God, entry into the kingdom to become one of the people of God is your true future, and a life that is of the utmost value and significance; no one is more blessed than you. Why do I say this? Because those who do not believe in God live for the flesh, and they live for Satan, but today you live for God, and live to follow the will of God. That is why I say your lives are of the utmost significance. Only this group of people, who have been selected by God, are able to live out a life of the utmost significance: No one else on earth is able to live out a life of such value and meaning” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Know God’s Newest Work and Follow His Footsteps). Today, God has graced me by bringing me before Him. I am fortunate to have heard the utterances and words of the Creator, understood some truths, seen through some things, gained some discernment of the damage and consequences of pursuing money, left behind the days of emptiness and pain, of scrambling about for money, fulfilled the duty of a created being, and embarked on the correct path in life. All this is God’s salvation of me. Although I have fewer material pleasures, my heart feels at ease, clear and enlightened. Through preaching the gospel, I experienced that bringing more believers in God before God to obtain God’s salvation is the most valuable and meaningful thing there is.

Afterward, I put my future livelihood into God’s hands, and stopped my planning and calculations. My heart was no longer constrained by such matters, and I was able to quiet my heart and do my duty. During this period, through reading the words of God, I came to understand many truths, and understood my own satanic nature, and my corrupt dispositions were changing bit by bit. This gave me more faith to follow God. What I didn’t expect was that in 2015, nearly a decade after I left the distillery, the distillery paid subsidies to old employees totaling 60,000 yuan. Other employees had spent a lot of money on gifts and entertainment and done a lot of running around to get this, but I received it without spending a dime. This made me see even more clearly that God is sovereign over all this, and it is not something that people can make plans about themselves. Thank God!