By Hua Shuang, China

In December 2023, I was elected as a district leader. Every day, there were a lot of tasks that needed to be followed up on and implemented. At first, my mindset was pretty good. I knew I lacked much, so I focused on reading guidance letters from the upper leaders to find paths forward. I also discussed matters and communicated with my partners, and gradually, I learned how to follow up on the work. After a few days, my partners said we needed to write a report on the work at the end of the month. It was immediately apparent that there were a lot of items to report, such as the progress of each task and whether there were any problems or deviations in them, as well as the shortcomings and difficulties in the brothers’ and sisters’ duties and how their states were. We needed to look into and gain clarity on all these issues and more. We’d also have to write work plans and solutions. I suddenly started to feel really irritable, thinking, “So many details have to go into the work report; how much effort and brainpower is this going to take?” The more I read, the more overwhelmed I felt. Especially when I saw tasks I was unfamiliar with and the related principles and professional skills I’d have to take the time and effort to study and familiarize myself with, I thought to myself, “I’ve just started this duty, so if I can’t complete this month’s work report, I can still rely on my partners. But next month, won’t I have to handle it all myself? That would require so much effort and be such a hassle!” Thinking of the backlog of work over the last few days made my head spin, and I really wanted to run from this duty. I knew these thoughts didn’t align with God’s intentions, so I prayed to God while trying to figure out how to proceed. But sometimes, when I heard my sisters discussing problems in the work, I would intentionally put on headphones to listen to hymns and not join their discussions. This way, I wouldn’t have to think about how to solve problems or worry and exhaust myself.

As I delved deeper into the work, I realized each task involved a lot of details, and that they all required careful thought to determine solutions and achieve good results. This workload was much greater than in my previous, single-task duty, so I felt very resistant, thinking, “Why on earth should I exhaust myself and worry so much? Doing a single-task duty was so much better. Back then, I didn’t have to deal with so much pressure every day!” The more I craved physical comfort, the more exhausting being a leader felt. I felt very repressed and troubled, and I was often in a bad mood. When my partners discussed work with me, I’d just give brief and perfunctory responses, and then I’d just bury my head in my own tasks. I realized my state wasn’t right, so I prayed to God, “Oh God, I constantly complain about how taxing this duty is. I seek comfort for my flesh and cannot do my duty gladly. I don’t want to remain in this state. Please guide me to understand my corrupt disposition.” Later, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some understanding of my state. Almighty God says: “Some people say, ‘Everyone says that believers are free and liberated, that believers live particularly happy, peaceful, and joyous lives. Why can’t I live as happily and peacefully as others? Why don’t I feel any joy? Why do I feel so repressed and exhausted? How come other people live such happy lives? Why is my life so miserable?’ Tell Me, what is the cause of this? What brought about their repression? (Their physical bodies were not satisfied and their flesh suffered.) When a person’s physical body suffers and they feel that a wrong has been done to it, if they can accept it in their heart and mind, won’t they feel that their physical suffering is no longer so great? If they find comfort, peace, and joy in their heart and mind, will they still feel repressed? (No.) Therefore, saying that repression is caused by physical suffering is invalid. If repression arises due to excessive physical suffering, then are you not suffering? Do you feel repressed because you cannot do as you please? Do you get trapped in repressive emotions because you cannot do as you please? (No.) Are you busy in your daily work? (Somewhat busy.) You are all rather busy, working from dawn to dusk. Besides sleeping and eating, you spend almost your entire day in front of a computer, tiring your eyes and brain, and exhausting your body, but do you feel repressed? Will this tiredness bring about repression in you? (No.) What causes people’s repression? It is certainly not due to physical fatigue, so what causes it? If people constantly seek physical comfort and happiness, if they constantly pursue physical happiness and comfort, and don’t wish to suffer, then even a little bit of physical suffering, suffering a bit more than others, or feeling a bit more overworked than usual, would make them feel repressed. This is one of the causes of repression. If people do not consider a small amount of physical suffering a big deal, and they do not pursue physical comfort, but instead pursue the truth and seek to fulfill their duties in order to satisfy God, then they often will not feel physical suffering. Even if they occasionally feel a bit busy, tired, or worn out, after they go to sleep they will wake up feeling better, and then they will continue with their work. Their focus will be on their duties and their work; they won’t consider a bit of physical fatigue a significant issue. However, when a problem arises in people’s thinking and they constantly pursue physical comfort, any time that their physical bodies are slightly wronged or cannot find satisfaction, certain negative emotions will arise within them. So, why will this kind of person, who always wants to do as they please and to indulge their flesh and enjoy life, often find themselves trapped in this negative emotion of repression whenever they are unsatisfied? (It is because they pursue comfort and physical enjoyment.) That is true for some people” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). After reading God’s words, I realized that I was pursuing fleshly comfort and feeling physically unfulfilled, so I lived in negative emotions of repression and despondency and always felt distressed and irritable in my duties. Previously, when doing a single-task duty, the workload wasn’t too heavy, and I was also skilled at it, so I felt like I was in my element. My body wouldn’t feel tired, nor my heart burdened. Now, as a leader, I had to supervise a lot of work and had more to worry about, and there were more problems I had to consider and resolve. Many of the tasks were unfamiliar, and I didn’t know how to resolve these issues, so I had to learn from scratch. This made me feel repressed, irritable, and keen to run from this situation. In fact, if I prioritized my duty instead of pursuing physical comfort and ease, then even if I felt tired, I’d be able to cope. I realized my thinking had gone astray.

Later, I searched for God’s words exposing why people feel repressed and read them. Almighty God says: “Some people are simply unwilling to do their duties and to fellowship about the truth. They have not adapted to church life, they are unable to adapt to it, and they always feel particularly miserable and helpless. Well, I would say to those people: You should hurry up and leave. Go into the secular world to look for your own goals and direction, and live the life you ought to live. God’s house never forces anyone. … people like this always feel repressed. To put it plainly, their wish is to indulge their flesh and to satisfy their desires. They are too selfish, they want to do everything according to their own whims and as they please, disregarding rules and not handling matters according to the principles, just doing things based on their own feelings, preferences and desires, and acting based on their own interests. They lack normal humanity and people like this do not attend to their proper work. People who do not attend to their proper work feel repressed in everything they do, everywhere they go. Even if they were living alone, they would feel repressed. To put it nicely, these people are not promising individuals and they do not attend to their proper work. To be more precise, their humanity is abnormal, and they are a bit simple-minded. What are people who attend to their proper work like? They are people who regard their basic needs like food, clothing, shelter, and transportation in a simple way. As long as these things are up to a normal standard, that’s enough for them. They care more about their path in life, their mission as human beings, their life outlook and values. What do unpromising people ponder about all day? They are always pondering about how to slack off, how to play tricks so that they can shirk responsibility, how to eat well and have fun, how to live in physical ease and comfort, without considering proper matters. Therefore, they feel repressed in the setting and environment of doing their duties in God’s house. God’s house requires people to learn certain common and professional knowledge that relates to their duties, so that they can perform them better. God’s house requires people to frequently eat and drink God’s words so that they may gain a better understanding of the truth, enter into the truth reality, and know what the principles for every action are. All of these things that God’s house fellowships about and mentions relate to topics, practical matters, and so on, that fall within the scope of people’s lives and the performance of their duties, and are meant to help people to attend to their proper work and to walk the right path. These individuals who do not attend to their proper work and who do as they please do not wish to do these proper things. The ultimate goal that they wish to achieve by doing whatever they want is physical comfort, pleasure, and ease, and to not be restricted or wronged in any way. It is to be able to eat enough of whatever they want, and to do as they please. It is because of the quality of their humanity and their inner pursuits that they often feel repressed. No matter how you fellowship about the truth with them, they will not change, and their repression will not be resolved. That’s just the kind of people they are; they are just things that do not attend to their proper work” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). After reading God’s words, I finally realized that those who always seek comfort and to satisfy their fleshly desires are not attending to their proper work and are unpromising. Such people just want to live according to their own desires, but when it comes to doing proper work, they are slippery and laze around, feeling repressed and miserable when they have to worry or burden their flesh. These people lack conscience and reason. I viewed my recent state in light of this. When I saw that every day, I had to think about and resolve issues and difficulties in various tasks, and that this required considerable mental effort, I started wishing for an easier and simpler duty so my body could be more comfortable. When I heard my partners discussing work, I intentionally put on headphones to listen to hymns and avoided joining the discussion. When my sisters approached me to discuss work issues, I didn’t want to engage and avoided them whenever I could, and if I really couldn’t avoid it, I’d just give brief and perfunctory answers, leading to mistakes in the implementation of tasks, and for reworks to be necessary. These were consequences of indulging my flesh. I thought of people who attend to their proper work. When their duties call for them to worry or burden themselves, or for them to learn and equip themselves with knowledge and professional skills, they gladly invest their time and energy, and they seek to fulfill their duties to satisfy God. I, on the other hand, continuously pursued comfort and ease, and when duties required me to worry or burden myself, I felt resistant and avoided them. God had shown me grace by giving me the opportunity to be a leader, and this was beneficial for my life growth, because being a leader requires a person to engage in various tasks and to equip themselves with all kinds of principles, and when facing difficulties, they are compelled to seek the truth principles, to pray more, and to rely on God more. At the same time, it involves learning relevant professional skills and knowledge, and the broadening of a person’s understanding and experience, allowing them to train in various aspects and grow more quickly. If a person can grow and shoulder a task in God’s house, then they are a useful person. But I kept indulging in fleshly comforts, desiring to stay physically at ease, and was unwilling to put any effort or thought into anything. Was I not a complete good-for-nothing? No wonder God says that such people are “unpromising,” “abnormal in their humanity,” and “simple-minded.” Realizing this, I saw how pitiful the way I was living was, so I prayed to God and made a resolution, “Oh God, I am willing to rebel against my flesh and focus on my proper duties. In my duties, I will seek the truth principles and learn professional skills and knowledge to make up for my various deficiencies, and I strive to be a useful person in Your house!” Afterward, my mindset shifted somewhat. My state in doing my duties also improved significantly, and I no longer felt as repressed or irritable as before. Although I had a lot of work to do every day, I did my best, and when I encountered something I didn’t know how to do, I equipped myself with relevant truth principles and professional skills and knowledge. When I saw problems in the work, I brought them up and discussed solutions with my partners.

I thought my repressive emotions had been resolved. That was until one day, a month later, when the upper leaders sent a letter. It said that a sister in our district was being targeted by the police. The police had specifically named this person for arrest, and we were to quickly notify the sister, telling her to hide. Then we received another letter. It said that nearby churches had been subjected to coordinated arrests by the CCP. This implicated many of the brothers and sisters in the area I was supervising. Upon hearing these two pieces of news, I felt as though dark clouds were suddenly pressing down overhead, and once again, I fell into a state of repression and sorrow. These arrests created significant obstacles to various items of the church work, and many people faced safety risks and couldn’t do their duties normally. I knew that to carry out church work well, I’d need to invest even more thought and effort. When I thought about these difficulties, I felt an immense amount of pressure, and especially when I saw the seemingly endless stream of problems in the work that could never be fully resolved, I felt paralyzed and had no motivation to do anything, but I had no other choice but to continue helplessly in my work. Once, a partner reminded me that there was a letter I hadn’t replied to, and I couldn’t help but snap at her, “I haven’t had time to reply!” After saying this, I realized I was taking my frustrations out on my duty, and that this was utterly lacking in reason. I reluctantly took out the letter and replied to it. After that, there were a few more instances when I became irritable due to all the work piling up and spoke harshly to my sisters. In my self-reflection, I realized I was once again living in negative emotions of repression because of the worries and pain in my flesh.

I read two passages of God’s words: “For many years, the thoughts that people have relied upon for their survival have been corroding their hearts to the point that they have become treacherous, cowardly, and despicable. Not only do they lack willpower and resolve, but they have also become greedy, arrogant, and willful. They are utterly lacking any resolve that transcends the self, and even more, they don’t have a bit of courage to shake off the strictures of these dark influences. People’s thoughts and lives are so rotten that their perspectives on believing in God are still unbearably hideous, and even when people speak of their perspectives on belief in God it is simply unbearable to hear. People are all cowardly, incompetent, despicable, and fragile. They do not feel disgust for the forces of darkness, and they do not feel love for the light and the truth; instead, they do their utmost to expel them” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Why Are You Unwilling to Be a Foil?). “Are you content to live under the influence of Satan, with peace and joy, and a little fleshly comfort? Are you not the lowliest of all people? None are more foolish than those who have beheld salvation but do not pursue to gain it; these are people who indulge in the flesh and enjoy Satan. You hope that your faith in God will not entail any challenges or tribulations, or the slightest hardship. You always pursue those things that are worthless, and you attach no value to life, instead putting your own extravagant thoughts before the truth. You are so worthless! You live like a pig—what difference is there between you, and pigs and dogs? Are those who do not pursue the truth, and instead love the flesh, not all beasts? Are those dead ones without spirits not all walking corpses?… I bestow real human life upon you, yet you do not pursue. Are you no different from a pig or a dog? Pigs do not pursue the life of man, they do not pursue being cleansed, and they do not understand what life is. Each day, after eating their fill, they simply sleep. I have given you the true way, yet you have not gained it: You are empty-handed. Are you willing to continue in this life, the life of a pig? What is the significance of such people being alive? Your life is contemptible and ignoble, you live amid filth and licentiousness, and you do not pursue any goals; is your life not the most ignoble of all? Do you have the gall to look upon God? If you continue to experience in this way, will you not acquire nothing? The true way has been given to you, but whether or not you can ultimately gain it depends on your own personal pursuit” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). After reading God’s words, I reflected on why I focused so much on physical ease and comfort, and I saw that this was because I’d been influenced and poisoned by Satan’s laws of survival such as “Enjoy life whilst you’re alive,” and “Drink today’s wine today, and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.” I treated these ideas as words of wisdom. Coupled with my lazy nature, I’d been afraid of hardship and toil ever since childhood. I’d made a life of comfort and ease my goal, and I was unwilling to work or live in a way that would tire me out too much. I avoided putting too much pressure on myself, felt content as long as I could live worry-free, and made getting my fill of food, drink, and sleep my daily focus. This attitude had carried over into my duties. This time, with various items of the church work obstructed due to arrests by the CCP and my needing to invest more time and effort to fulfill my duty, I couldn’t help but complain and cry out in difficulty. I started longing for the days when I only handled a single-task duty, and I realized my faith in God was based on a desire to give little but receive great blessings. When there were a lot of issues and difficulties in my duty that required me to ponder how to fellowship and resolve them, and I had to endure bodily worry and hardship, I felt resistant and grew angry, even going so far as to take out my frustrations on my partners. I was truly lacking in humanity! It’s perfectly right and proper for me, a created being, to do my duty, and it’s also a way to prepare good deeds for myself. By doing my duty and pursuing the truth, I can cast off my corrupt dispositions, and achieve salvation. Yet I felt that being a leader interfered with my physical comfort, so I acted irrationally and defiantly. I was truly lacking in reason! I’d constantly sought to satisfy my flesh, repeatedly felt resistant toward my duty, handled my duty in a perfunctory way, disrupted and disturbed church work, and transgressed repeatedly.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “Every adult must shoulder an adult’s responsibilities, regardless of how much pressure they face, such as hardships, illnesses, and even various difficulties—these are things that everyone should experience and bear. They are a part of a normal person’s life. If you cannot bear pressure or endure suffering, it means that you are too fragile and useless. Whoever lives must bear this suffering, and no one can avoid it. Whether in society or in God’s house, it is the same for everyone. This is the responsibility you should bear, the heavy burden that an adult should carry, the thing that they should shoulder, and you should not evade it.… In one respect, you must learn to shoulder the responsibilities and obligations that adults ought to have and undertake. In another respect, you should learn to coexist harmoniously with others in your living and working environment with normal humanity. Do not simply do what you please. What is the purpose of harmonious coexistence? It is to better complete the work and to better fulfill the obligations and responsibilities that you, as an adult, ought to complete and fulfill, to minimize the losses caused by the problems you face in your work, and to maximize the results and efficiency of your work. This is what you ought to achieve. If you possess normal humanity, you should accomplish this when working among people. As for work pressure, whether it comes from the Above or from God’s house, or if it is pressure put upon you by your brothers and sisters, it is something that you should bear. You cannot say, ‘This is too much pressure, so I won’t do it. I am just seeking leisure, ease, happiness, and comfort in doing my duty and working in God’s house.’ This will not work; it is not a thought that a normal adult should possess, and God’s house is not a place for you to indulge in comfort. Every person takes on a certain amount of pressure and risk in their life and work. In any job, especially performing your duty in God’s house, you should strive for optimal results. On a greater level, this is the teaching and demand of God. On a smaller level, it is the attitude, viewpoint, standard, and principle that every person should adopt in their comportment and actions” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). God says that as an adult, one must shoulder the responsibilities and obligations of an adult, and whether it is difficulties in life or in one’s duty, pressure is something an adult should face and bear, not something to be shirked or avoided. In God’s house, those who do their duty sincerely have a heart to satisfy God when faced with work pressure or difficulties that require their flesh to suffer. They can pray to God, seek the truth, and rebel against their flesh; they are earnest and pragmatic in their duty, and they strive to achieve the best results. Such people have a sense of responsibility and are aligned with God’s intentions. But I’d been living by lazy, unambitious, and degenerate thoughts. I’d been unable to endure any hardship, and I was on track to amount to nothing at all. To put it bluntly, I was useless and not even worthy of being called a person. In fact, fleshly suffering and bearing some pressure is a good thing, as it can press me to work harder in pondering the truth, benefiting my life growth. Although I have many shortcomings and still can’t resolve some complex issues, I mustn’t avoid these things but be a responsible person, pray more and rely on God more, seek the truth together with my partners to resolve issues, and do all that I can. Understanding God’s requirements and expectations for adults, my mindset changed somewhat, and I hoped to become a responsible adult. Later, when the upper leaders sent letters to follow up on various tasks, I no longer felt resistant or irritable, and I could recognize that these things were my responsibility, and I became willing to do my best to fulfill my primary work.

After some time, work became busier, and when the upper leaders followed up on work closely, I still felt pressure, but I also realized that the leaders’ supervision was to support me in doing my duty well, and that this supervision could warn and remind me to put more effort into my duty, preventing me from indulging in physical comfort and slacking off in my duty, and prompting me to improve my efficiency in my duty. I also participated in the work my partners were supervising, and we fellowshipped and sought solutions together. Sometimes when I saw a backlog of problems that needed detailed fellowship to resolve, I would still reveal emotions of repression and irritability, but I could immediately rebel against my wrong state, admonishing myself by saying, “I am an adult, and I must have the sense of responsibility and perseverance of an adult, endure the pressure, and move forward.” I also prayed to God, asking Him to keep my heart focused on my duty and on doing proper work. Then, according to principles, I would prioritize and resolve problems one by one. For issues I hadn’t encountered before, I’d study relevant professional materials, equip myself with the truth principles, and pray while pondering what exactly the root causes of the problems were. In this way, the problems were gradually resolved. When I saw that my brothers’ and sisters’ states weren’t good and were affecting their duties, I’d promptly seek God’s words to fellowship solutions with them. Although this required a little more effort and suffering, I felt very fulfilled. Because I was frequently communicating with brothers and sisters about various work problems, and pondering related truths and principles, my state kept improving, and I became more spiritually perceptive. I also viewed problems more accurately than before, and gradually, I grasped some principles and paths. I experienced firsthand the truth of what God says: “If you are a person with resolve, if you can treat the responsibilities and obligations that people should bear, the things that people with normal humanity must achieve, and those things that adults must accomplish as the aims and goals of your pursuit, and if you can shoulder your responsibilities, then no matter what price you pay and what pain you endure, you will not complain, and as long as you recognize it as God’s requirements and intentions, you will be able to endure any suffering and fulfill your duty well. At that time, what would your state of mind be like? It would be different; you would feel peace and stability in your heart, and you would experience enjoyment. You see, just by seeking to live out normal humanity, and pursuing the responsibilities, obligations, and mission that people with normal humanity ought to bear and undertake, people feel peace and joy in their hearts, and they experience enjoyment. They have not even reached the point where they are conducting affairs according to the principles and obtaining the truth, and they have already undergone some change” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). When I put my heart into resolving the issues in my duty, learning in a targeted way where I was lacking, and doing my best to fulfill my responsibilities, my heart no longer felt pained but more at ease instead. I now have emotions of repression less and less often, and even when they occasionally surface, they no longer affect me. Without even realizing it, I began to focus on the proper things, and I have gained a sense of burden toward my duties. These changes in me have all come about as a result of God’s words. Thank God!